Who is gonna be the next coach to join the BCS meat grinder?

with Tommy Bowden and Phil Fulmer's asses being on constant fire, one would assume they are gonna be fired at some point in our lifetime. and if last Saturday is any indication of what this year is gonna be like for each coach's team then those two tortured fanbases might finally get their wish and be rid of such painful incompetence. also never underestimate Spurrier getting sick of that losing bullshit at South Carolina.

but who is gonna take their spots...and what about old Joe Pa. sure he's a zombie, but eventually they're gonna take away his supply of brains in Happy Valley and send him off to that big football game in the sky. the Bear is up there waiting for a good challenge and he's coaching a pretty tough team led by Bo Jackson's hip and Kenny Stabler's liver.

so with at least one of those jobs more than likely opening up next season, who's gonna be the next coach to leave his upstart program for the big money/big pressure major conference coaching gig?

the top 5 most likely coaches to bolt for the big time after this season:

1. Greg Schiano of Rutgers.

Schiano is easily the top candidate on most school's lists. i mean the dude took one of the worst college football programs in history and has taken them to 3 straight bowl games. he's yet to win the Big East but he's made his team respectable. Schiano already turned down one high profile gig in Miami, mostly because he's waiting for that Penn State job to open up. if Joe Pa finally fucking retires after this season then he's as good as gone from New Jersey.

2. Brian Kelly of Cincinnati.

Kelly is a rising star from the mid major ranks, he turned Central Michigan into one of the better teams in the MAC and then took Cincinnati to a bowl game, 10 wins, and their first top 25 ranking since the 40s in his 1st year. Kelly's an offensive guru and his version of the spread was one of the most productive groups in the country last year. with the spread being the hot shit offense of college football for the foreseeable future he'd probably be a hot commodity for a team that could recruit good talent but not maximize their potential. so let's see, what team is constantly loaded with great talent yet can't win a fucking thing? Clemson!

3. Kris Peterson of Boise State.

Peterson took over a very successful Boise State program from Dan Hawkins and ran the table in his 1st full season and shocked the world with one of the greatest bowl upsets of all time by beating Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl. a coach with BCS bowl winning experience at a non-BCS school is basically just biding his time for the right job. one assumes that unless Jake Locker can perform miracles for Washington, then Ty Willingham is out of there at the end of the year. staying in the same region he's already recruiting in makes a lot of sense and Peterson could more than likely bring the Huskies back to respectability pretty quickly.

4. Skip Holtz of East Carolina

young coach of a program on the rise. legendary coach father. stuck in a state that really only cares about basketball. all these factors plus the fact he's pretty likeable and ESPN has been all over him lately make Skip Holtz a big time target for a major college looking to either replace a legend (Spurrier if he retires) or get rid of a worn out old shoe (Fulmer). Tennessee might be a little over Skip's head, but can't you just see him becoming the 2nd Holtz to coach at South Carolina if the Ol' Ball Coach hangs up his visor at the end of the year?

5. Jim Grobe of Wake Forest

okay, so Grobe is technically already at a BCS school...but really Wake fucking Forest...really?! who'd wanna stay there? if Jim Grobe isn't the best coach in college football then he's easily the best one at getting the most out of pretty mediocre talent. imagine what he could do at a big school completely dedicated to football with 4 and 5 star recruits and an endless budget. i imagine it to be somewhere just north of Georgia and Alabama with pushpop orange colored uniforms.