Monday, November 30, 2009

Get Your Nerd Nostalgia On, Plus Help Some Poor Kids

Starting this week and running through the next 3, the WSLA will be showing the original Star Wars trilogy every Friday (and one Saturday) at Midnight for FREE. they are also gonna be collecting unwrapped toys for needy Athens kids. so come out and watch the greatest trilogy of all time before George Lucas fucked it all up with a bunch of digital garbage in the background.

Lies the NFL told me: your fancy college offense don't work in my NFL

NFL Fact: the spread offense doesn't work in the National Football League.

Oh really? Well I am currently watching an NFL matchup between the Saints and Patriots and BOTH of these teams run a fucking spread offense. These offenses have way more in common with what Auburn does than with some boring old Power I or West Coast philosophy. The idea that any player or offense or style "can't work" is the sort of bullshit uncreative thinking that makes college football fans roll their eyes into the backs of their skulls and go into a coma when they listen to NFL "experts" spout their garbage.

Fuck going to Notre Dame, Urban Meyer should go to the NFL.


Turf Toe!!! say it ain't so.

you know what that means:

Matt Ryan is probably done for the rest of the year.


God, why do you hate my Atlanta Falcons so much? is it all the booty music?


a random question for NIKE

yo Nike, how did we got from this level of rad

to this fucking bullshit?

A Final Salute To The One Armed Zombie

CHRIS TODD, MOTHERFUCKER!!!! Auburn's ALL TIME Single Season TD Passing Leader. wrap your brain around that little nugget. and here we all thought that the fucker's arm had fallen off for good last year. good job, Todd, my boy. i enjoyed the shit sandwich you fed me this year.

you were the 3rd rated passer in the SEC this year, 4th in TDs, 6th in yards, completed nearly 60% of your passes for an avg. of 8 per pass (3rd in SEC), you only threw 6 INTS (tied for 3rd among regular starters), and you led the 3rd ranked offense in the league. i know Mallett and Tebow are gonna be the 1st and 2nd team QBs but if Todd isn't 3rd team All-SEC this year then it's some bullshit.

do i think Todd has an NFL Future? eh, probably not. but he was a lot better a college QB than i would have ever imagined. i wish this was the guy he would've been last year. but whatever, everything happens for a reason....or some shit.

One Armed Zombie We Salute You! let's hope you can lead us out with a bowl win and you toss a couple more TDs to Darvin Adams for your swan song.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Josh McDaniels, i feel your pain

found this piece of amazing via KSK. i have uttered this very phrase many, many, many times.

i have watched that at least 12 times.

hey remember when the Broncos were 6-0? me neither.


(what i imagine is going on inside the mind of one Vince "I Am Still Awesome At Football" Young)

Dear Merle Hodge,

suck my motherfucking dick you braindamged old shitty analysing retard.




Trent Dilfer can lick my balls. fuck you, douchebags.


when you aren't making awesome movies with Method Man you are winning football games for my Dirty Birds!

a billion sips of purple drank for you sir.

Your ACC Champions!

Dear, ACC.

your conference is a fucking joke.


a couple of middle of the pack SEC teams.

Polls? Who Gives A Fuck Up Your Stupid Polls?


1. Florida
2. Alabama
3. Texas
4. Cincinnati
5. TCU
6. Boise State
7. Oregon
8. Ohio State
9. Iowa
10. LSU
11. Penn State
12. Oregon State
13. Georgia Tech
14. BYU
15. Virginia Tech
16. Miami
17. Houston
18. Nebraska
19. Pittsburg
20. Oklahoma State
21. West Fucking Virginia
22. California
23. Central Michigan
24. Clemson
25. Georgia, Auburn, Kentucky, South Carolina, Tennessee, Ole Miss, Arkansas (seriously after watching Georgia and South Carolina knock off both ACC division champs don't you think every team in the SEC could win the ACC?)

Good Riddance

college football is about to be down one less douchebag after the Irish wrapped up another disappointing season under Charlie Weis. Notre Dame finishes up the season 6-6 after Stanford gave em a nice little "fuck you" send off. for a team that basically gift wrapped it's own season with as many home games as possible and was in their 5th year under Charlie's "superior NFL system" with countless numbers of 4 and 5 star "talent" a .500 record just ain't gonna cut it.

there have been few college coaches that i've ever hated as much as Weis and that isn't even because he coaches at Notre Dame. the guy has been one giant fucking pile of douche from the moment he stepped on to the scene. that Notre Dame even gave him that giant ass extension because he ALMOST beat USC is one of the dumbest things ever. the dude NEVER WON ANYTHING!!! they had zero big time wins in his tenure. probably the best team they ever beat was Michigan State. it's a miracle they were able to beat Boston College this season. he fucking sucks, he can't coach, his teams can't beat anyone worth a shit, and his recruits are all highly overrated just because they are going to Notre Dame.

a list of suggestions i have for the Irish for their next head coach.

1. Nick Saban
2. Nick Saban
3. Nick Saban
4. Nick Saban
5. Urban Meyer
6. Bobby Petrino
7. Les Miles
8. Nick Saban
9. Lane Kiffin (just to have a possibly bigger douchebag in South Bend)
10. Lou Holtz

Saturday, November 28, 2009

BCS BOWL matchups, best guesses.

BCS Title

Florida vs. Texas

Sugar Bowl

Alabama vs. TCU

Fiesta Bowl

Penn State vs. Boise State

Orange Bowl

Cincinnati vs. Georgia Tech

Rose Bowl

Oregon vs. Ohio State

that's a lot of matchups i could care less about other than Texas and Florida.

matchups i'd rather see with the exact same teams.

Alabama vs. Penn State for obvious reasons.

Oregon vs. Georgia Tech for the scoring orgy.

Cincinnati vs. Ohio State for the chance to see Cinci destroy the Buckeyes and claim the title as best team in Ohio.

TCU vs. Boise State in the rematch of last year's bowl game and for the pride of the Little Conference teams. also the winning team's conference gets an automatic BCS bowl bid. that would be fun.

I Think After Yesterday This Still Holds Up

never ever be on the cover of SI. ever.

Friday, November 27, 2009

My Achy Breaky Heart has been broken.

i blame you Billy Ray, for reasons that only the two of us know about.

well that sucked. not in a 36-0 asskicking kinda way, but in a "hey we might really win this shit....oh wait nevermind, you suck!" kinda way, and honestly those are worse sometimes.

The One Armed Zombie did what he could to lead our Tigers to the promised land (not to mention doing a few things to make sure we didn't). and even on the final drive i still believed. but then of course hella shitty clock management pretty much killed that snowball's chance and we are left with a pit of despair at losing to our 3 biggest rivals for a second year in a row.

but i am happy that this Auburn team showed some pride. they refused to let Mark Ingram have his Heisman moment. they refused to be pushed around and dominated like last year. they held Bama outta the endzone on two short fields. they got after the QB. and if they just coulda kept Julio Jones in check a little more they might have just won the game. and so it goes.

going forward i see good things for Auburn. i believe in Gene Chizik. i believe his players want to win for him. i believe in the new staff and their ability to coach up an under talented team. if Auburn can hold on to their offensive guru for a few more seasons then we might actually see another Heisman winner on the Plains. next year we lose Todd, Tate, Trott, Coleman, and McFadden. hopefully Burns, Fannin, Thorpe, and Bynes can all step up and be the leaders they all were this year. hopefully next year Auburn can win a couple of these big rivalry games and start getting some payback in the SEC. i don't think it can happen...i believe it WILL happen.

also a random congrats to the One Armed Zombie for becoming Auburn's all time single season TD leader.

2009 isn't officially over. we've still got our bowl, but honestly nothing matters going forward. 8 wins and a bowl victory would be nice...especially for these seniors who've gone through so much the last 2 years. but right now all that matters is the future. a future that doesn't seem nearly as bleak as it did in 2008.

so War Damn Eagle everyone. and thank you Auburn 2009 for restoring some faith for this lifelong Auburn fan. you might have not been the best team of this decade, but you are easily one of my favorites.

Like A Motherfuckin' Gunslinger

i think those Auburn fans who fear Alabama getting the one thing they've never had and the Tebow haters of college football all got their wish last night as Colt McCoy put on the show of the year for Heisman voters. 304 yards in the air and another 175 on the ground and 5 touchdowns pretty much nails down Colt bringing home the worlds most useless paper weight. there is no way a likeable 4 year starter whose been on the Heisman voters minds for 2 years isn't taking it home after a performance like that, last night on his team's final regular season game to keep their national title hopes alive. as long as the Longhorns win that Big 12 title game then you can guarantee that Colt McCoy is your Heisman winner.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

What's an Iron Bowl?

i think the nosedive the Falcons are taking plus Auburn losing to Georgia has made me lose all interest in football.

Monday, November 23, 2009

It's Almost Over Now


1. Alabama
1. Florida
3. Texas
4. Cincinnati
5. TCU
6. Georgia Tech
7. Boise State
8. Pitt
9. Oregon
10. Ohio State
11. Oklahoma State
12. Iowa
13. Penn State
14. Clemson
15. Virginia Tech
16. Ole Miss
17. LSU
18. Oregon State
19. Utah
20. BYU
21. North Carolina
22. Miami
23. California
24. Houston
25. Temple!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This Year I Am Thankful For....Kitten Mittons

Iron Bowl Week

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Georgia Lost to Kentucky?


fucking Kentucky. stick to basketball you assholes.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Some Random Awesome for your Friday


Pour a 40 out for Uga

R.I.P. Uga VII

though your reign on top was shorter than a leprechaun's, we still give a salute to the greatest mascot of them all...Uga. may you get many belly rubs and more peanut butter treats than you could ever need in that great dog park in the sky. peace out little fella.

there's talk that they might even bury him at the half time of the Georgia game. jesus, can you think of anything more depressing for a halftime show?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

some random awesome

vintage Miami Dolphins cheerleader.

you are welcome.

Bye Week

I'm taking advantage of Auburn's bye week and the Falcons plummet of doom to record new jams with my band, so posting may or may not happen much this week. so if you want F-Bombs and angry rants you might have to search for some message boards.

also i wanted to post a link to this online article for the Flagpole (here in Athens) written by Jeremy Henderson of the War Eagle Reader about the Rise or The Closet of the Hipster Football Fan. it's a pretty funny concept and pretty dead on and also there quotes from that guy who writes HEY JENNY SLATER and me as well as a few other. it's a good read if you happen to be an indie rock nerd who has ever been on tour with your band during football season and had nearly come to blows with a bandmate about turning the radio to the football game so that you could listen.

Monday, November 16, 2009

if this blog was a movie it would be a teen melodrama

sometimes i like to pretend that my blog is a teen melodrama set sometime in the late 80s or early 90s in some boring suburban town. it’s kinda like a mix between the existential ramblings of Dazed and Confused and the dumb party scenes of Can’t Hardly Wait with maybe some class warfare stolen from the Outsiders for good measure….you know something that wouldn’t do well in the theater but would get a nice cult following on DVD.

there’d be a smart ass angsty kid who would be the hero, and a hot chick with the face of Rachel Leigh Cook and the ass of Blake Lively that our hero pines for, and his friends would be a nerdy sci-fi/horror loving guy, a punk rock dude, and a smart awkward chick who we all know he’s gonna end up with in the end.

and it would have a killer soundtrack

Sonic Youth- schizophrenia
The Verlaines- pyromaniac
The Undertones- teenage kicks
The Replacements- sixteen blue
The Strokes- barely legal
The Nerves- when you find out
The Beach Boys- girl don’t tell me
The Lemonheads- if i could talk i’d tell you
The Clean- i wait around
Teenage Fanclub- star sign
Lilys- will my lord be gardening
Shocking Pinks- emily
The Jesus & Mary Chain- happy when it rains
Velvet Underground- there she goes again
The Seeds- can’t seem to make you mine
Buzzcocks- love is lies
Thin Lizzy- romeo and the lonely girl
Neil Young- everybody knows this is nowhere
Tall Dwarfs- baby it’s over
Husker Du- i apologize
Turf War- cheers to the years
Johnny Thunders- you can’t put your arms around a memory

for your downloading pleasure a link.

THE NFL, Halfway point guessing game

THE BENGALS RULE....aka thing i'd never thought i'd say about this year.

so, we're past the halfway point in the season and everyone has played at least 8 games and we've got a nice idea of who rules and who sucks and then after that we have no clue.


gonna make the playoffs


probably gonna make the playoffs


might make the playoffs


i could see them somehow making the playoffs with the way they are playing now



1. Colts
2. Bengals
3. Patriots
4. Chargers
5. Steelers
6. Dolphins


gonna make the playoffs


probably gonna make the playoffs


might make the playoffs or might fucking implode and die. who fucking knows?


def not gonna make the playoffs



1. Vikings
2. Saints
3. Cardinals
4. Cowboys
5. Eagles
6. Packers

random NFL stuff

gonna get the first pick in the draft

so many shitty teams to choose from....but i'd rank em in likelihood of worst record.


player i am most happy for

Vince Young

reason i am most happy i am not playing fantasy football this year

i only have to pay attention to the games i actually give a shit about.

team i'd most like to see win the Super Bowl if it isn't the Falcons


I Need Some New Interests

Auburn loses, The Falcons lose.

but at least i got to see the Manning-bot beat this douchebag.

so who wants to bet me that the Colts go undefeated in the regular season and then lose to Chargers in the playoffs....AGAIN at home? it'll happen.

in random football related news: i am kinda shocked that Jon Gruden extended his deal with ESPN. i figured he was 1 and done with MNF and he'd be coaching the Redskins or Cowboys next year. i'm actually glad he's staying in the booth because this is the first time in memory that i've actually liked the Monday Night Football team.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Do I Even Care Anymore?

unless by some miracle of science Auburn beats Bama, this season is essentially over. yeah there is a crappy bowl game at the end of the tunnel...but there's a strong possibility that it's gonna be a match up with Iowa State. how's that for fucking irony? gross, yuck, puke. also let's give those Temple Owls some love. they are this year's Vanderbilt.


1. Alabama
2. Florida
3. Texas
4. TCU
5. Cincinatti
6. Georgia Tech
7. Boise State
8. Ohio State
9. LSU
10. Pitt
11. Oklahoma State
12. Oregon
12. Stanford
14. Wisconsin
15. Clemson
16. Iowa
17. Penn State
18. Virginia Tech
19. Rutgers
20. BYU
21. Utah
22. North Carolina
23. Miami
24. Oregon State
25. Temple (give em some love)

i'm full of sad

photographic evidence of me being shameful and wearing a UGA t-shirt cuz i thought it looked cool. i put a curse on the Tigers. i know it.

don't worry, i gave that shirt away to my girlfriend.

loss to Georgia for the 4th year in a row + hangover + not being able to find my keys = i'll be spending the rest of the morning listening to Nirvana's Unplugged record and Elliott Smith until the Falcons come on. being emo about football is retarded.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

sad facts

i'm really fucking sick of this bullshit.

Kentucky and Vanderbilt...

Those are the names of teams who've beaten UGA more recently than Auburn. And wouldn't you know...they've also beaten Auburn lately too.

An entire graduating class has made it through on the plains without ever tasting sweet victory vs the Dawgs.

There isn't enough alcohol that my body can hold to make me feel any better.

Weshaun, Knowshon, fuck all your Shawns!

Fuck It! I'm done with football. i'll be drunk and you can go to hell.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

motherfucking piece of shit cocksucking asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


hey Lee Ziemba, go ahead and go pro buddy. i'd rather Auburn start a true freshman at left tackle next year than have to watch you gettin' false start penalties every fucking big drive for another fucking year. you fucking suck!

goddamnit i hate the Georgia Bulldogs more than i hate Stone Temple Pilots and Limp Bizkit combined.

to all my Georgia Bulldog loving friends, suck my dick. we are done, professionally.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, Stanford 55, USC 21

THIS fucking happened. what in the fuck?

i guess when winning forever finally ends it ends fucking hard. i still bet USC will manage to get back into the Top 10 in a week or so.

holy shit, my mind is blown.

way to go nerds. just make sure you do the same thing to Notre Dame.

quick question: is Jim Harbaugh gonna become Michigan's new coach at the end of this year or next year? because RichRod ain't working in the Big 10.

Bo Knows That The Boz Sucks

some random awesome for this Saturday.

War Eagle, Motherfucker.

Friday, November 13, 2009

if there's water on the moon then we should go party there

we're throwing a Rave on the fucking moon to celebrate New Year's 2013. join us.

the moon water is free but you gotta bring your own glow sticks.

More Awesome Recruiting News

Trovon Reed committed to the Tigers. he's the number 3 WR in the nation and is apparently a burner. he's Auburn's second highest ranked recruit and has the Tigers currently with a Top 10 class according to Rivals. but you're probably an Auburn fan and already know all this shit. whatever, it's still rad. so just a couple more linemen and maybe a 2nd 5 star runningback and then maybe a surprise or two on signing day and then The Chiz can put a bow on a very impressive recruiting class after his 1st year as a headcoach at Auburn. i may have used some dirty words and threatened to throw myself off the Sears Tower when he got the headcoaching job, but there's no denying the man has done some awesome things this year. i'll drink a couple of beers in your honor tonight, Coach. just make sure you get us a win tomorrow.

the obvious youtube highlights for your ass. complete with some crappy rap song i've never heard before. seriously kids, when soundtracking your highlight videos think about things like song choice. just look at Wes Anderson and Quentin Tarantino...those dudes aren't fuckin' around with some halfasses Young Jeezy ripoff.

Suicide Watch (2010), Week 11: Revenge!!!

JUST A REMINDER: last time Auburn was in Athens, this fucking happened.

if thinking about Georgia players wearing stupid black jerseys and running around and dancing the Soulja Boy doesn't annoy you and make you motivated for Bulldog blood then i'm not sure what will. how about the fact we've lost 3 teams in a row to our number 2 rival? 3 fucking times! that hasn't happened since some guy named Walker was carrying the ball for the Dawgs. Auburn hasn't lost 4 in a row since the 40s. Georgia is also in danger of catching up with the Tigers in the all-time lead. Auburn has only a 2 game advantage. no more losing. it must end now! (seriously please end it now. i can't deal with another year of shit talking.)

this game matters more to me than the Iron Bowl. it just does. if the football gods bless us with a victory in the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry then he can do what he wishes in the Iron Bowl (okay, not really. i don't wanna watch Auburn get murdered again by the Tide. that sucked last year....a lot.)

this is a matchup of two of the worst defenses in the SEC. i don't really see an advantage either way. the Dawgs give up big plays and commit stupid penalties. Auburn has no depth and gives up 60+ yard touchdowns like it's going out of style. i really feel like this game is going to come down to special teams and whose offense can make big plays.

Georgia has AJ Green. he's going to be the best player on the field all day. i could see him going for about 200 yards vs. the Tigers banged up secondary. but luckily Joe Cox will probably gift us a few incerptions while trying to get it to Mr. Green. Walter McFadden could end up being the key to this game.

Auburn seems to have finally righted the ship on offense after falling into some kind of vortex of suck. Todd's throws have been in the mark and he and Darvin Adams are both deserving of SEC honors (Todd won't get it because of Tebow and Mallett. but Adams seems a lock for 2nd team ALL-SEC). the running game is most likely the key to victory for the Tigers. Ben Tate, it's your chance to cemment your legacy at Auburn. give us a big day (something in the 160 yards and 3 touchdowns area) and a win and you'll go down as one of the great Auburn backs. you've been the guy who has carried this offense all year. just give us one more great game.

chance for tragedy: 8, it's Georgia. even when things look bad for the them they tend to pull big wins out of their ass...especially late in the year vs. Auburn. this is still the team that beat Arkansas on the road. there's no reason to think they can't beat Auburn at Georgia.

method of suicide: seppuku, there's no honor in defeat. you've brought shame upon us all. phone a friend, he'll need to cut your head off for you after you stab yourself in the gut.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

"Ordinary fucking people, I hate 'em."

Debbi: Duke, let's go do some crimes.
Duke: Yeah. Let's go get sushi and not pay.

this Friday the 13th, the WSLA is showing one of my favorite movies of all time (aka the movie that introduced me to Punk Rock as a kid) at CINE'. as always it's at midnight and it's free. one of the endlessly quotable movies of all time. come out and enjoy the anarchy.

original trailer

the repo code

Some Random Awesome For Your Thursday

UGA gonna Floss They Capes

so my old man sends me lots of Auburn related junk that he finds on the internet and this is something i got this morning that made me giggle. this is written by a UGA fan about his own current distaste with how things are going for the Dawgs and it's full of the sort of self-loathing and mockery that i enjoy. i'd love to give credit to whoever wrote this but i haven't the slightest idea.

This is a rant to an Auburn fan asking about tickets to the game in Athens. I asked if I should try to get a ticket before I get to Athens....

"I think you should watch the first 5 min of the game from the bridge and

then get a ticket for $3. Here's how I see it shaking out:

- Georgia rushes onto the field w/ black capes this time. Yes, capes. Black


- Georgia wins toss. Defers to 2nd half. UGA captains skip and zig zag back

to the sideline to "floss they capes"

- UGA Kickoff out of the endzone (thank God)

- 5 play AU touchdown drive. B Evans gives up big play touchdown pass b/c he

stepped on his cape and fell down. Extra Point good.

Reshad Jones does the "Superman" dance off the field laughing the entire way.

- AU Kickoff 8 yards into endzone. We bring it out anyway because, hell,

we're wearing black capes. Tackled at the 12.

- 1st and 10: Toss sweep to Ealey (3yds - really 1, but he gets a bonus 2 for

the black eye patch he's wearing w/ his cape courtesy of Brandon Spikes).

- 2nd and 9: Cox throws ball 3 yards behind AJ's crossing route. AJ makes an

incredible catch as he dives back against his momentum and lays out

hoizontally. He was able to make the catch because he decided against

wearing the stupid f*cking black cape. 5 yard completion. Wait, called back due to the

first of twelve penalties we will have before halftime.

2nd and 19: Draw play to Richard Samuel. Enough said.

3rd and 16: Auburn sends 14 people after Cox. He makes an attempt to throw

the ball out of bounds, but steps on his cape which restricts his cannon of an

arm. His ball comes up 12 yards short of the sideline, but it's up in the

air so long that one of the 14 AU blitzers is able to get under it and haul

it to the endzone for another AU touchdown.

14-0 with 11:48 to go in the first quarter.

- You trade ticket w/ scalper for extra beer in your pocket. You pay him $3

for his cape. "

Top 10 Players Who Should Take The Money and Run, 2010

when it comes to the NFL Draft, i am all for kids leaving school early and getting paid. with this being possibly the last year that rookies are gonna be able to sign ridiculous contracts (a rookie cap is very possible) this might the last chance the get the PAIDEST (word? fuck it, it is now!).

staying in school and being loyal and all that shit sounds nice coming from some people, but most of those people are angry old dudes on messageboards who only live for their college football teams and could care less about you kids making a living some day. i say fuck school. get paid and get laid. those are the only real joys we get outta life anyways. sure you might think it would be fun to give it one more year and try and win and championship or a Heisman trophy or some other dumb shit that doesn't buy you a giant fucking yacht and a summer home but just ask Sam Bradford how that can work out for you.

in fact if you look at QBs who were projected to be 1st round draft picks that decided to go back for one more year almost every single one of them dropped in the next draft. Brady Quinn, Matt Leinart, Brian Brohm, and Colt Brennan are all guys who were projected as 1st round picks (with Leinart and Quinn possible #1 overall picks) following their junior seasons and each one of them fell from where he was expected to go. Brennan who would've been a late 1st rounder or early 2nd round ended up a 6th round choice and Brohm ended up a 2nd round pick who got cut from the Packers this season because he wasn't progressing fast enough and they had no patience for him because of his 2nd round status. had he been a 1st round pick there's no way they would've given up on him so fat. this season Bradford is living proof you shouldn't go back...ever. he would've possibly been the number 1 pick in 2009 and now will most likely be the 3rd or 4th QB taken in this draft because of his injuries. he probably cost himself anywhere between 10 and 20 million because he wanted to give it "One More Year". Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freeman were smart by leaving a year early.

Anyways This is my list of the Top 10 Underclassmen who could be 1st or 2nd round picks that should say Fuck School and go get paid. i put a premium on QBs, WRs, and RBs because those are the players whose stock tends to take unexpected nosedives from year to year. note that i am not including Sam Bradford in this list because he has already stated he's going pro.

1. Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame- the golden boy of the Fighting Irish was the #1 player coming out of highschool three years ago. then he got to college and went through two years of eating shit and getting hated on and called overrated as the Irish got their asses kicked up and down the field. now in his junior season we are finally seeing what all the hype was about. it's so easy to hate this kid with his douchebag haircut, all the stupid shit he did and said when he was a recruit, and the fact he plays for Notre Dame....but honestly he looks like a future NFL QB when you watch him play. he's likely to be the #1 overall pick in the 2010 draft if he decides to leave. there is no guarantee that'll be true if he stays...especially if the Irish fire Weis and bring in a new coach with a new system. take the money and run Jimmy.

2. Jake Locker, QB, Washington- size, strength, athletic ability. he's like a west-coast Tebow with a better arm. he also plays in a pro style system that makes him much more ready for the NFL. if Clausen isn't the #1 overall pick then i have to believe Locker will be. plus it isn't like you're ever gonna win a title at Washington. get out while you still can kid.

3. Ryan Mallet, QB, Arkansas- the crop of senior QBs has some star power with Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow...but neither of those guys fits in a typical NFL offense. Ryan Mallett however is a 6 foot 7 giant with a rocket arm who is built for an NFL offense. yes, he's only a redshirt sophomore with not even two full years of starting experience but he's the most NFL-looking QB in all of college football. if he comes back next year he could have a huge year and be the top pick in 2011, but he could also come back and play like shit (ala Jevan Snead) and see his stock plummet (ala Jevan Snead). plus the selfish Auburn-loving part of me wants to get that motherfucker out of the SEC asap.

4. Javid Best, RB, California- after that bad fall he took last week i'm sure young Best probably made up his mind that he's leaving school at the end of the year. if i was him i wouldn't even bother coming back and finishing the season. i'd just worry about getting in shape and getting healed for the combine. he's an easy 1st rounder with this year's weak crop of runningbacks.

5. Jonathan Dwyer, RB, Georgia Tech- big, strong, and fast. just like the NFL likes em. all runningbacks worth a shit should leave as soon as they are eligible because the League chews you up and spits you out quicker than any other position. every year you waste in college is a year less you will have to earn cash.

6. Marvin Austin, DT, North Carolina- outside of left tackles and QBs, the position that draft gurus fall in love with the most are can't-miss defensive tackles. Austin is this year's top junior DT...which means he'll easily be a top 15 pick if he leaves early.

7. Eric Berry, SS, Tennessee- Eric Berry woulda been a 1st round pick after his Freshman year if he could've left school. there's no way he'll come back for one more year. not with the likelihood that he'll be a top 5 pick.

8. ALL LEFT TACKLES PROJECTED TO BE 1st Round picks- if you are a big left tackle and you are a junior or a draft eligible sophomore and somebody somewhere told you that someone might take you in the 1st round...go get rich motherfucker. the NFL loves you and wants to give you all their money.

9. Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame- Tate will probably only be a 2nd round draft pick, but with Clausen more the likely leaving he'd be smart to follow his QB into the draft. wide receivers stock is the most schizophrenic anyways. any WR who is predicted as a 1st or 2nd round choice is insane to go back to school for another year.

10. Damian Williams, WR, USC- USC wideouts have been a bit of a disappointment in the NFL in recent years. this starts to create a bias against you in the minds of scouts. right now Williams is being talked about as a 1st or 2nd rounder. no use if testing that for one more season.

and one more bonus player that i will file under: i don't want him to go pro but i have a sneaking suspicion he will.

Lee Ziemba, OT, Auburn- sorry Tigers fans. don't shoot me for pointing out the obvious. right now Ziemba is a projected 2nd rounder. but there are almost always between 8 and 10 tackles who go in the top 32 picks these days. with his size he could easily fall into the late 1st rounder status. this would be a crushing blow to Auburn with their depth problems on the line...but it's a very real problem. just sayin'.