Saturday, August 30, 2008

THE ACC SUCKS...and other things i have learned today

-can you believe the ass whipping that Bama is putting on Clemson? actually i can, Clemson is in the ACC and coached by Tommy Bowden. being the best team in that conference with that dipshit as your coach is like being the tallest midget. Clemson chokes on dick again...

-and so does Virginia Tech. isn't Va Tech losing a game on a blocked punt for a touchdown by ECU the very definition of the word irony? well if it's not then it should be. i think old Beamer maybe should rethink redshirting Tyrod Taylor cuz Sean Glennon remains a totally shitty option...i mean seriously, dude makes Brandon Cox seem like Brett Favre.

-hey just in case you didn't know or haven't been watching football all fucking day, Beanie Wells hurt his leg. don't worry, if you missed it ESPN will remind you 30 more fucking times during the game that you are trying to watch.

-well Pat White has got to think he's in the lead for the Heisman after a game like that. 5 touchdown passes? crazy! i mean i know it's against 'Nova but still...

-Florida has so much goddamn speed that it makes my head hurt. i'd say they were the most dominate looking team i watched today other than the fact that...

-USC is the fucking best looking football team...easily. fuck Georgia. USC would fucking murder them right now. if the Trojans aren't number 1 next week, then they will be after they destroy Ohio State.

-Michigan looks like the most inept and pitiful ass team i've seen all day. both of their QBs suck. they can't block. they can't run. their defense looked like it was asleep the entire 1st half and then suddenly realized it was trying to win a game and played okay down the stretch. even though the final score was only 25-22 Utah still completely dominated the whole day. mostly it was the Utes stupid mistakes that even kept it close. fumbles on punt returns, a pick in the end zone, and dumb penalties (plus some help from the Big 10 refs) are all that kept this from being about 35-0. good luck with that new spread attack guys...

-speaking of shitty spread attacks, what in the fuck is going on with Auburn today. just 24 yards passing in the first half? are you fucking kidding me? Auburn had no trouble running the ball and the defense was dominating...but both QBs have played...errr shittily, well passingwise anyways. Burns has done a lot of damage on the ground, but then he got hurt! fuck! i hope he's okay, cuz it looks like we might need to run the single wing this year. i am glad i didn't have to watch this shit on television, i might have scratched my eyes out. this blows because...

-LSU still looks like LSmotherfuckingU. i don't care who their shitty QB is, they've got beasts all over that d-line and their runningbacks and receivers are all sick. fucking hell!

-not to mention that Ole' Miss looks pretty fucking good too...which i expected. luckily Arkansas barely beat a shitty Division IAA team and Mississippi State has returned to the world of reality and gotten knocked off by La Tech. sorry Croom.

-i'm so glad Auburn has a good defense

Friday, August 29, 2008

Positive Vibes Fridays: Kick Out The Jams, Motherfuckers!

college football is here and in case i hadn't mentioned it i'm kind of stoked. The MC5 share my enthusiasm as well.

TV Party: College Football Is Back!

with the Auburn game on pay-per-view i'll have to spend Saturday watching other people's teams play or else i may go insane. the Auburn game will likely be watched online on, but what will my television offer me?

here's my drankin' and football watchin' schedule for Saturday August 30th

The Eggs and Bloody Mary Game
Appalachian State at LSU on ESPN Classic 11 AM

the upset of the year last season was App State beating Michigan at the Big House. The Mountaineers are 3 time defending national champs in Division IAA or whatever the fuck it's called. unfortunately they don't get to start their season against a slow ass Big 10 school and instead are the Division I National Champion LSU Tigers first meal of the season. this game will be a complete and total blow out, but i'll still enjoy watching App State QB Armanti Edwards (best name in college football) running around and making some plays. how the hell did so many teams miss on that kid? he's the best running QB in the nation not named Tebow or Pat White and he's one 2 national titles in his first tw years of college football.

The SEC Early I'm So Fucking Hungover And What The Hell Are The Dave's Talking About? Game
Hawaii at Florida on MyATL Tv 12:30 Am

after enduring as much of the asswhiping that LSU is putting on App State i will switch over to my favorite way to wake up on a Saturday as the SEC early game brought to us by the low budget yokels of Raycom sports offers us up Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators. they will reinforce any lingering ideas the Warriors have about playing SEC teams and how it's not very good for their health. last season June Jones dissed Tim Tebow, but he won't be around this season for Tebow to make him eat those words as the Gators mercilessly murder poor Hawaii. hopefully the new Warriors' QB won't suffer the same fate as Colt Brennan...but i expect this one to be over by the 1st quarter.

Finally Some Real Actual College Football Game
USC at Virginia or Utah at Michigan ABC/ESPN2

i'll probably flip back and forth between these 2 games depending on which one is more watchable. i fully expect USC to drag Virginia up and down the field all day, but it's kinda fun watching the Trojans decimate an out of conference opponent early in the year as long as it's not your team. the better game is likely to be Utah taking on Michigan at the Big House. Michigan could be a comedy of errors tomorrow with either a redshirt freshman or a walk-on playing QB. Michigan's talent advantage should still allow them to keep this game interesting and i'd expect them to run the ball as much as possible, but i will not be surprised at all (Hell i fucking Picked It) if Utah beats the Wolverines. Utah is a sub-Top 25 team with a veteran QB and some good skill players, plus Michigan is notoriously weak against teams that run the spread...even if that was the last coaching staff. regardless this could end up being the most entertaining game all day.

the mild distraction game
TCU at New Mexico on Versus 6pm

if the USC/Virginia or Utah/Michigan games are both lousy and i'm desperate for some other options then i may very well check out this match up between two teams that i don't really know or care anything about. TCU always tends to be a pretty good team and i know New Mexico just got put on probation. TCU will probably blow them out, but who knows. i probably won't actually watch any of this...maybe 5 minutes tops.

Alabama vs. Clemson in the Motherfucking Dome on ABC 8pm

two ranked teams on a neutral field with a shit ton to prove. Bama's young and is looking to lay down the foundation for improvement. Clemson is a top 10 team with a notorious history of choking. two insane fanbases plus an entire day of drinking minus an actual college campus probably means that there are gonne be lots of fights and arrests. i think this will probably be an awesome game. i'm sure i'll be sending MB texts the entire game as he tries to split time between wedding parties and football.

Random Ass Pac 10 matchup that i'll fall asleep while watching in the 4th quarter
Washington at Oregon on Fox Sports Network 10pm

Jake Locker and the Huskies take on Oregon. this is one of those rivalry games that noone outside of the region knows anything about. this could be Washington's big break through if they can pull off the upset. they've got the most talented player in Locker that will be on the field, plus Oregon found out they lost the guy they hoped would be their new starter for the season to a knee injury. i'm sure the Ducks will pull this one out, but you never know. the real reason to watch if you don't care about either of these teams is to check out Locker, who will more than likely be a 1st round draft pick in 2010 and will probably be on my fantasy team some day. unfortunately i'll be too drunk to see how this one ends and will wake up Sunday morning in a pool of vomit wondering what the fuck happened to my Saturday.

Tommy Beecher For Heisman

Tebow who?

Tommy Beecher of South Carolina gave one of those opening night performances that we will all remember for a long time. i mean 4 interceptions and 0 touchdowns and making Spurrier throw his visor only once is Heisman worthy in itself. but the dream was not to be as Ol' Ball Coach pulled our hero and replaced him with Chris Smelley who lead the team to 3 straight touchdown scores. oh well. one assumes we shall never hear the name Tommy Beecher ever again as he was most likely fitted for a coffin and buried under the stadium for offending Spurrier's eyes.

amazingly North Carolina State could do absolutely nothing against the South Carolina defense even with 4 picks and ended up getting up blown out 34-0. they did manage to get 100 yards rushing from Andre Brown, but really watching them play football is the sort of thing that hurts my feelings.

overall this was some boring and shitty football being played on both sides and i wouldn't be too excited about my team if i was a South Carolina fan.

the one scary moment of the game came when NC State's starting freshman QB Russell Wilson took a viscous helmet to helmet shot and lay motionless on the field for several minutes. it was all very much like the first episode of Friday Night Lights, but luckily the kid just had a severe concussion and is apparently doing well. i'd be surprised if he was back anytime soon.

Suicide Watch (2008) Week 1

It's here! It's here! oh the excitement and anticipation and the fucking overwhelming since of dread fills my soul. FINALLY my weekends will have some meaning again. over the next several months i will punish both my liver and my will to live by enduring false hopes followed up by painful losses, as my Auburn Tigers play their way through the 2008 season.

my Tigers enter this season coming off a 9-4 season, big wins over Florida and Bama, painful losses to LSU and Georgia, and a bowl victory over Clemson. Auburn's switching from power running team to a "throw the ball over the field and hope this shit works" spread offense. the defense is talented. the offensive line is young but battle tested. the running backs are solid. the receivers are big question marks. and nobody even knows who the QB is gonna be. and with that said i'm looking for Auburn to have a possible title year. at the very least i'm banking on a Western Division title and an 11 win season. but expectations and my Auburn Tigers aren't always the best of friends. with that said i begin my weekly segment detailing the pain and misery i endure called Suicide Watch.

Auburn's week 1 opponent comes in the form of a Sun Belt team by the name of the Louisiana Monroe Warhawks...the team that famously upset Alabama last year which sent Auburn fans into a mad fury of laughing and mocking their hated rival's misfortune.

as far as shit teams from the Sun Belt go, ULM is one of the better ones. Phil Steele picks them 3rd in the conference as has a number of their defensive players listed as 1st team Pre-Season all conference. they've got a veteran QB by the name of Kinsmon Lancaster and a speedy receiver in J. J. McCoy. other than that i can tell you exactly nothing about their offense. i don't even know what style of offense they play. this is all so very sad and i feel completely uniformed and unprepared. whatever, they play in the Sun Belt they should be overmatched and Auburn should kick their ass.

the real questions about this game are not really if Auburn will win, but how is their new offense going to perform and how are the new QB's gonna do running it. ideally this game is a blowout and Auburn can get as many of their young players some game experience and get the QB's comfortable with their receivers.

anything less than a 30 point win will be a bit of a disappointment for the Tigers.

potential for tragedy: 2.8, the number is a little higher than i'd normally give a shit team from the Sun Belt but THEY DID beat Alabama and you've got to respect the threat. just ask Saban, hell when Bama lost to the Warhawks he compared it to September 11th. if Auburn somehow loses this game i might never watch football again.

method of suicide: cut your own head off with a chainsaw. it's happened before.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I Have Solved The Auburn Quarterback Duel For You Coach Tubs

so the debate all spring and summer for my Auburn Tigers is which QB is gonna be the starter for the 2008 season. we've got a new spread offense and two worthy candidates. it's the athletic Kodi Burns who commands attention from defenses for his running and playmaking ability vs. the Tony Franklin Spread veteran of Chris Todd who is a better passer and has been playing in this offense since he was a kid. more than likely the answer to that question is BOTH. but both is annoying. i'm a one QB kinda guy and i've used my expertise in the game of EA Sports NCAA Football to help Auburn come to a conclusion. i played two entire seasons of NCAA Football 2009 with each QB as the starter. here are their final season stats and team records.

The Chris Todd lead Auburn Tigers went 13-1 (46-40 loss in overtime to West Virginia) won the SEC and beat Texas in the Sugar Bowl. Todd's stats were 3,428 yards passing for 37 touchdowns and 9 interceptions, he also got sacked 16 times and missed a few quarters of action in the LSU and Tennessee game with mild injuries. he rushed for 212 yards and another 3 scores, but wasn't much of a running threat and a lot of those rushing yards were with the team in a five receiver set and noone spying the QB. AWARDS: Todd was the 2nd team SEC QB. he also finished 5th in voting for the Best QB award and 8th for the Maxwell. all in all an excellent campaign. he did throw 3 interceptions in Auburn's only loss including the game killer in overtime, but overall a great year. but not anywhere close to as awesome as...

The Kodi Burns lead Auburn Tigers were 14-0 champions of the SEC and winners of the BCS title game against Ohio State (imagine that, Ohio State lost to another SEC team in a title game). The Tigers averaged 68.5 points per game and lead the nation in both scoring and rushing. Burns passed for 3,756 yards and 49 touchdowns and only 4 interceptions (all of them being in routes where i was just trying to pile on stats in the 4th quarter) while rushing for another 1,218 yards and 20 touchdowns..that's 69 total fucking scores...which doesn't even take into account that both Ben Tate and Brad Lester each rushed for 1000 yards and double digit touchdowns. he finished 1st team SEC, 1st team All American, won the Best QB award, the Maxwell award, and won the Heisman Trophy by a landslide. as good as Auburn was under Todd, they were unfuckingstoppable with Burns under center. Kodi gave one of the greatest single season performances in my video game playing career right up there with Tecmo Bo, Mike Vick from Madden 2004, and Vince Young from NCAA Football 2006. and so it's obvious to me based on my unrealistic video game stats who the Auburn starting quarterback should be.

come on Tommy, make it happen! it's Burns baby Burns all the way to the title game.

Let's Get This Party Started

it's here! it's back! it's Thursday! it's college motherfucking football on your tv and it's not some spring practice scrimmage on CSS that you've watched 6 times already. it's not exactly a feast of great games or anything, because honestly who wants to give up their first Saturday to play on Thursday night so that ESPN can get a middle of the week ratings spike? well luckily Spurrier is cool with it and so our headliner for the evening will be South Carolina hosting North Carolina State in a battle of middle of the road teams from their own respective conferences. South Carolina should own the edge considering they have a pretty talented defense and it's at home, but NC State is one of those fucking teams that will pull a win out of their ass that makes you think they are gonna be good and then they go on a 5 game losing steak and miss out on a bowl game.

after you gorge yourself on beer and nachos while laughing heartily as Spurrier tosses his visor for 80 yards and yanks at least 2 QBs from the game before squeezing out a win in the 4th quarter with some help from his defense and kicking game, then it's time to switch over the ESPN2 watch Oregon State at Stanford in some PAC 10 play. i don't have much to say about that game other than the Beavers tend to have a pretty good under the radar team that wins about 8 or 9 games and will upset a top 25 team at some point in the year. i'm sure the Cardinal will be no real test for them.

if you've got ESPNU you can watch Vanderbilt travel to Miami, Ohio and probably lose. i swear Vandy is the only fucking team in the damn SEC who will travel to play shitty mid major schools. remember the year they almost went to a bowl game after beating Tennessee and almost beating Florida. they finished the season 5-7 and the loss that kept them out of a bowl was when they traveled to Middle Tennessee State and got upset by the Blue Raiders. i'm sure if that game had been in Nashville then Vandy probably would've won. for a school full of smart motherfuckers, they are some straight dipshits about scheduling.

if you are a fan of low budget production values and small conference football games being played in front of half empty stadiums that are about the same size as my highschool football team's was, then you can watch Middle Tennessee State host Troy on CSS. but honestly, nobody should be that desperate. that's like fucking an ugly girl just cuz you wanna get laid.

so that's pretty much your viewing options for the evening.

Jacksonville State at Georgia Tech is actually the most intriguing matchup of the night for two reasons:
1. it's the first chance we get to see Tech's old school triple option offense.
2. it's Ryan Perrilloux's first game for Jack State after being given the boot by LSU.
with any luck our hero Perrilloux will lead a 4th quarter come back and huge upset win for the Gamecocks and then conquer the city of Atlanta and it's finest strip clubs with a posse of his teammates.

unfortunately the game isn't on TV and you can only watch it online. wtf?!

anyways, it's not the most exciting assortment of games, but at this point I'll take whatever i can get.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The Fucknuts McWhitey Era Begins

so i neglected to comment on this sooner, mostly because i've been trying to ignore the Atlanta Falcons this entire preseason, but new coach Mike Smith has named Matt Fucking Ryan (aka Fucknuts McWhitey) as the Falcons' starter for the opener. what seemed like a potential 4 win club now will dip down towards the 2 win mark. Ryan becomes the first rookie QB to be his team's starter from Day 1 of his career since David Carr...and let us all nod and smile at how awesome that worked out for the Texans. i shouldn't even give a shit because the turds Ryan had in front of him aren't worth taking up a roster spot on most any team in the NFL, so i'm sure Ryan probably WAS the best option. and there are of course those experts who believe it's better to learn on the field than on the sidelines. whatever, i think i've pretty well documented my raging hatred for the drafting and overpaying of this very ordinary looking young QB from Boston College (the team nooone cares about). i guess the sooner Matt Ryan is on the field then the sooner he can go ahead and be a bust and the Falcons can move on to some other shitty QB. thank god i care more about college football than the NFL.

anyways this clip of Ryan getting lit up by Clemson will likely be a common site for Falcons' fans this season.

on a side note: what do you think the the over/under is on number of years before before Griggs makes Matt Ryan his fantasy QB?

some more random thoughts on ole' Fucknuts
- The Falcons have taken away the spot of goofiest ass starting QB away from The Colts.
- when people praise Ryan for his poise and leadership they are really saying, "i'm so glad he isn't some black thug like that last one."
- Matt Ryan threw 19 interceptions as a senior last season. George Blanda holds the record for interceptions in one season with 42. and as much as i'd like to say our boy could equal that stat if given the opportunity i don't actually see it happening. seriously, 42 fucking picks. can you even fathom that?

One More Day!!!!

tomorrow night our reason to live returns. the Old Ball Coach is kickin' it off vs. NC State. let the hangovers begin!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Who Got Them Heismans? Top 5 Front Runners For 2008

ah, the Heisman Trophy. the worlds greatest paper weight of all time, next to the Grammy for Best New Artist and the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay. 2007 saw the first Sophomore in the history of college football win the damn thing. which gives Tim Tebow 2 chances to tie Archie Griffin with winning the thing twice, thereby making Tebow's chances of being a star in the NFL twice as unlikely. there are a ton of viable candidates for the 2008 Heisman and i'm sure some darkhorses like Dennis Dixon and Matt Ryan will rear their heads for brief moments during this season only to fall away unloved and uninvited to New York at season's end. so i'm not interested in darkhorses. instead i give you the top 5 most likely candidates for the Heisman and then as a bonus 5 other guys who are getting hype that have no fucking chance whatsoever.

Top 5 Heisman Frontrunners 2008

1. Chris Wells. Runningback, Ohio State
he's a 6 foot 1 237 pound battery ram with good speed in the conference built on big strong power backs. he plays for Ohio State which automatically makes him a media darling and someone the Herbiebot will talk about all season. he rushed for 1,609 yards (with 222 of them coming against Michigan) and 15 touchdowns last season and gave Ohio State it's only highlights in the BCS title ass whipping they received from LSU.

why he will win it: plays for Ohio State. will be on TV a lot. will be in the national title hunt. could end up rushing for 1,800 yards and scoring over 20 touchdowns. is a beast. plays a pretty easy schedule that should help him pile up stats.

why he won't: injury obviously could derail his season. other than that the only major obstacle would be if he gets shut down against USC and the Buckeyes get blown out as a result. if the Buckeyes somehow beat USC then go ahead and book his trip to New York and make some space in the trophy case.

2. Tim Tebow. Quarterback, Florida
last year's winner will have some trouble repeating for sure. granted Florida's schedule is much easier than last season as they don't have to lose to Auburn (except in the SEC title game) and they get LSU at home, but Tebow's eye popping stats from last year (over 3000 yards passing with 32 touchdowns and another 895 and 23 touchdowns rushing...yeah wrap your fucking head around that shit!) will more than likely take a hit with Chris Rainey and Emmanuel Moody taking over more of the rushing duties.

why he will win it: Tebow is college football's golden boy. he helped win a national title his freshman year and he won the Heisman his second. he broke tons of SEC records. he's a proven leader. he's a likeable, hard working and humble kid who just happens to be fucking awesome at college football. he loves Jesus and the Gators and he does everything for his team. if Florida is undefeated or in national title hunt all season and he can get a come from behind victory or a win against Georgia and an SEC title, then i wouldn't be surprised at all if Tebow repeated as the Heisman winner.

why he won't: his numbers can't possibly be as good as they were last year. also Tebow's record against top teams isn't very good as he lost to Auburn, LSU, Georgia, and Michigan last year. if Florida loses those kinds of games this year then he's got no chance. plus those fucking Northeastern Yankee sportswriters are notoriously fickle bastards and are likely to fall in love with Wells instead of rewarding the southern boy with a Heisman sequel. also don't rule out the possibility that even if Florida has a big year, his teammate Percy Harvin could come along and win the Heisman like Reggie Bush did to Matt Leinart.

3. Pat White. Quarterback, West Fucking Virginia
the nations active leading rusher (that's ALL players, not just QBs) enters his senior season at West Virginia with things set up for both a run at the Heisman and a possible BCS title game. no single player means more to his team than White, as was evident in their loss to Pitt last season when White was hurt for most of game. he's been one of, if not the best running qbs in the history of college football and he has the potential to put up huge numbers for West Virginia both rushing and passing as long as he can avoid injury. his season is basically going to be 3 games, with the out of conference matchup against Auburn and then the rematch with Pitt and the season finale against South Florida. if West Virginia wins all of those and White has big games in each then he could find himself with the biggest and most useless paperweight in sports.

why he can win it: he's a four year starting QB for a national title contender who will play a lot of games on TV. he's been one of the best players in college football the last 3 seasons. he plays in an offense that will score a lot of points and give him an opportunity to put of big stats. if he can beat Auburn and South Florida and his team is undefeated at the end of the year then there's no way he won't be in New York.

why he won't: the Auburn game could mean a lot for White's Heisman chances as well as his teams season in general. no player's chances are more tied up in his own team's success as White's will be. West Virginia has been a giant killer in bowl games, but they've never had that big regular season win against a traditional power...any loss to Auburn will probably knock West Virginia out of the BCS title game and end any real chance White has at taking home the trophy. also because White plays in the Big East against weaker competition it will turn off some voters.

4. Chase Daniel. Quarterback, Missouri
Daniel was a player who came out of nowhere last season and ended up a Heisman finalist. a lot of Daniel's hype was based around his team coming out of nowhere to be a brief national title contender... but it's hard to ignore the numbers he put up (4,306 yards passing and 33 touchdowns with another 4 rushing scores). Daniel has an elite receiver to throw to and a NFL caliber tight end and so his numbers should be about where they were last season, if not higher. like Pat White, he's a senior QB whose own success will be largely dictated by how well his team performs.

why he can win it: the numbers that Daniel should put up this season could be in the realm of another 4000+ passing and between 35-40 touchdowns. that alone should land him back in New York. if Missouri can remain in the top 10 all season and he can notch a big comeback win or a record breaking performance against a quality opponent then i could see him winning the Heisman.

why he won't: i don't really think Daniel has to lead his team to the BCS title to get the Heisman, but i do think he needs to win his conference championship to have a realistic chance at taking home the trophy, and we saw how well Missouri did against Oklahoma in both of the games they faced the Sooners last year. also if Daniel has a big season and the Tigers are in a title hunt, his own teammate Jeremy Maclin could steal some votes from him.

5. Knowshon Moreno. Runningback, Georgia
the dancin', tackle breakin', black jersey wearin', touchdown scorin', soulja boyin', coed bangin' King of Athens, Georgia leads the number 1 team in the country into the season with more hype surrounding him than any Georgia back since some guy named Walker. it's hard to deny the fact that Georgia was a completely different team once Knowshon became the featured back. he sparked the Dawgs to wins over rivals Florida and Auburn and has the kind of swagger about him that will get him lots of press and highlight plays on Sportscenter.

why he will win: if Georgia really does have the kind of season that their dillusional fan base believes they can than Moreno will surely be one of the top Heisman canidates all season. he won't have to lead the nation in rushing or put up mind boggling stats, he just has to keep on winning.

why he won't: quick name me the last running back in the SEC to win the Heisman. if you said Bo Jackson then congradulations. Knowshon is hardly on that level. besides if Darren McFadden couldn't win it do you really think Moreno has a shot? plus the schedule the Dawgs play is murder and i fully expect Caleb King and Richard Samuel to see a ton of action this season for Georgia cutting down on Knowsons carries to keep him healthy for the big games. if Georgia really does have a dream season then i'd think Matt Stafford is also gonna have to have a huge year and QB's for national title contenders are always sexier than workhorse runningbacks. so don't be surprised if Stafford is the one in New York at the end of the year over his teammate.

5 guys with no fucking shot.
1. Graham Harrell. QB, Texas Tech- sure he'll probably throw for 5000 yards and 40-50 touchdowns, but what Texas Tech QB hasn't done that?

2. Michael Crabtree. WR, Texas Tech- the best wide out in college football plays on a team with a gimick offense that inflates his stats. plus his QB will likely get more votes from the media.

3. Mark Sanchez. QB, USC- the QB for the Trojans should always be looked at as a Heisman canidate in the same way that Miami QBs were always getting Heisman hype. unfortunately Sanchez is already starting the season with a knee this is his first full year as a starter. even if USC is undefeated at the end of the year it's more than likely to have been because of the play of their superior defense. i expect Sanchez to be the front runner next season, this season i think at best he might finish in the top 5 for voting.

4. Sam Bradford. QB, Oklahoma- he had a huge freshman year last season and will be the QB of a national title contender, but i think his teammate RB Demarco Murray will likely be getting more of the attention than Bradford.

5. Todd Reesing. QB, Kansas- granted he had a great year last season and lead his team to a Orange Bowl victory but there's no way that Kansas is going 12-1 again this year. i'm predicting at least 4 losses for the Jayhawks and Reesing to get overshadowed by other QBs in the Big 12 like Daniel, Bradford, Harrell, and Colt McCoy.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Things To Be Thankful For in the 2008 College Football Season

1. your team owns a six game win streak over your in-state rival.
2. your pre-season top 10 team isn't coached by Tommy Bowden.
3. your favorite team isn't quarterbacked by a Harvard transfer.
4. your team isn't in the Big 10.
5. your team doesn't have to play USC in an out of conference match up.
6. your team isn't the preseason #1 in both polls.
7. your team isn't' some non-BCS Cinderella that will disappear a year later.
8. your team isn't running the West Coast Offense anymore.
9. your team might get to play Oklahoma in a BCS bowl game.
10. your team isn't Notre Dame.

2008 College Football Pick 'Em: Week 1

Thursday August 28
1: Jacksonville State @ Ga Tech- GA Tech
2: Vanderbilt @ Miami (OH)- Vandy
3: Troy @ Middle Tennessee State- Troy
4: Wake Forest @ Baylor- Wake

7:TEMPLE @ ARMY- Temple (yeah i picked fucking Temple to win a game. a first!)

12:UTAH @ MICHIGAN- Utah (this is gonna be a long season for the Wolverines)
18:BAMA @ CLEMSON (GA DOME)- Clemson

22: KENTUCKY @ LOUISVILLE- Louisville (those motherfuckers burned me all season. why do i keep giving them more chances?!)



A: BAMA VS CLEMSON 43 pts (23-20)
B: UCLA VS TENNESSEE 55 pts (35-20)
C: GA SOUTHERN VS UGA 49 pts (42-7)

Friday, August 22, 2008

Don't Believe The Hype

so all i've heard since going into these Summer Olympics was about how the Redeem Team was gonna be challenged and that Gold wasn't going to be easy etc....some "experts" even picked against Team USA. first we heard Greece would be tough (92-69 yeah, not really), then Spain was gonna be trouble (119-82 not so much), and now we have Argentina...the BIGGEST hurdle of all. yeah, well it's 21-4 in the 1st quarter with 1:55 to play. i'll go ahead and assume it was a hurdle designed for midgets and move on. the best games Team USA have gotten were from Angola and Australia.

yeah USA Basketball is back on top like it should be. the only real question is could the 2008 team beat the 1992 team? i'm leaning towards yes. if only because the 92 team was full of aging stars near the end of their careers or well into their primes while the 08 squad is full of young superstars in their primes. granted 92 had Jordan and they have a size advantage with Patrick Ewing, David Robinson and Karl Malone; but 08 has Lebron and Kobe and plays way better defense. i don't know...maybe i'm just being insane, that's just my opinion.

Positive Vibes Fridays: The Hipster Olympics

The 2008 Olympic Games are almost over...and just in time, football starts next week. life suddenly has meaning again.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Usain Bolt Is Fucking Insane

Usain Bolt became the first sprinter since Carl Lewis to win the 100 and 200 meters in the same Olympics. he also shattered the world records in both events and completely blew away his competition. and unlike Lewis, Bolt is both likeable and a total showman...he's also 6 foot 5 and with that kind of speed you've got to believe an NFL team is gonna get this guy to come try out as a wide receiver, shit he's gotta be better than those guys on the Titans. Atlanta i'm looking at you to take a flyer on this freak of nature...if anything it would be an interesting experiment.

if you don't feel like waiting til 10pm or whenever NBC feels like showing this go ahead and check out the video below.

he just torches everyone else. it's not even fucking close. Phelps who?

Another Useless Poll For Your Ass

i've given my original preseason Top 25 some second thought, and decided it was total crap. especially with the season getting closer and closer. so let's give it another try, for the kids.

1. USC
2. Florida
3. Georgia
4. Oklahoma
5. Ohio State
6. West Virginia
7. Missouri
8. Auburn
9. LSU
10. Clemson
11. South Florida
12. Texas
13. Tennessee
14. Texas Tech
15. Wisconsin
16. Virginia Tech
17. Arizona State
18. BYU
19. Oregon
20. Kansas
21. Utah
22. Wake Forest
23. Fresno State
24. Penn State
25. Alabama

6 SEC Teams in my top 25, with South Carolina and Ole' Miss very much on my radar as teams who might sneak into the rankings at some point in the season.

i don't really believe in Kanas. i think they are in for a reality check this year after going 12-1 last season.

the ACC and Big 10 suck balls. that's why they each only get 3 teams in my useless poll. i do expect for a surprise team to come out of ACC this year though, either with FSU or Miami finally pulling their heads out of their asses or North Carolina taking advantage of a weak schedule and a lot of young talent. on the flipside, noone in the Big 10 will be a surprise. i hope Illinois enjoyed that trip to the Rose Bowl last year, cuz it's back to life and back to reality in 2008.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Some Last Second Position Switchin' Before The Season Starts

Auburn tight end, Gabe McKenzie is moving to defensive end to add even more depth to the position and to help out his stock as a pro prospect. McKenzie played both sides of the ball in high school and has good size (at 6 foot 4 and 253 pounds) and speed to be a pretty good pass rusher, even though it's been 3 years since he's played any defense. McKenzie made the suggestion to coaches himself and they were more than happy to oblige him, cuz i can't ever have too many defensive linemen. McKenzie was Auburn's leading pass catcher at tight end last year but has been lost in the shuffle with the switch to the spread. this is the sort of unselfish move that endures a player to fans, and i for one give the big guy some props for his move. hopefully he'll be able to contribute to an already deadly Auburn pass rush, if anything it will possibly pay off next year when we lose Sen'Derrick Marks and possibly Antonio Coleman to the NFL.

Bengals Can't Quit Chris Henry

The Thug Apologists would like to send a warm welcome to Chris Henry (aka the dumbest man in sports) who is back to the NFL. Henry has been resigned by the Cincinnati Bengals, despite the fact that Henry suffers from a severe case of constantly arrested. The Bengals are feeling a little thin at wide receiver as both TJ and Chad have some injury issues and also they were feeling that the drama level of their team just wasn't high enough. The Thug Apologists call this move both awesome and ballsy. hopefully this works out because you always have a spot on our fantasy team, young Mr. Henry.

hey Bengals, Odell Thurman is waiting for your call.

Monday, August 18, 2008

There Can Only Be One

so last year was quiet possibly the most bizzare one in college football history, it was at least the most strange since 1990 when Georgia Tech and Colorado split the polls. one would assume that 2008 will be a return to rationality and the powers that be using the system to crown a less controversial championship. oh, how easy would it be to just take the winners of the Florida/Georgia and Ohio State/USC matchups and have them face one another in Miami? too damn easy...aka that's not gonna happen. nope, the evil football gremlins who are giving USC jock itch and filling Georgia players full of booze so that they act a fool and get arrested will more than likely be at it again this season.

so let's break down how each AP Pre-season top 10 team is likely to fuck up their chances of winning the 2008 National Title.

1. Georgia

Oh Georgia. you happy bastards. sitting pretty like a drunk sorority girl on top of both the AP and Coaches poll. Knowshon is on the cover of ESPN magazine. Sports Illustrated picked you to win it all (never a good thing, btw). but things have been going iffy for the Dawgs. first Uga died, then a collection of your players found themselves with mugshots thanks to a case of the Drankin' and Fightin' and Vandalizin'. then your star left tackle's knee decided to try and make your offensive line situation more interesting. and so your reign on top appears to be shorter than leprechauns..especially with a Sept 17th match up of the teams residing at number 2 and 3 coming up soon enough. then there's that notoriously tough schedule you've got that includes 3 top 10 teams (LSU, Florida, Auburn). all of them away from home and then don't forget about that trip out west to visit Arizona State...which i fully expect Georgia to win easily, but never underestimate a long road trip to start the year. weird shit happens out in the desert. you start seeing things. mirages of national titles you thought you were gonna win and then the Sun Devils hand you an over time loss and you're fucked forever. also don't go forgettin' about those Push-Pop Orange wearing sons of bitches from Tennessee who know a thing or two about kicking Georgia's ass. yeah it's a pretty rough ride for those Dawgs. i don't know if they've got enough Soulja Boys and Black Outs in 'em to navigate through that gauntlet. better luck next year.

2. Ohio St.

Hi, you're Ohio State. you've appeared in 3 BCS title games this decade. one of them you got lucky and beat a way better Miami team with help from your soon to be jailbound freshman runningback. the next 2 times you dropped some series shit in your pants against a couple of SEC teams with chips on their shoulders. the whole of the college football universe hates your guts and thinks you're the product of media bias and a soft conference. congratulations though, you've decided to step out of your box and play another big boy by the name of USC to start your year. unfortunately said school likes nothing more than feasting on the living bodies of out of conference BSC foes to boost their profile and power rankings at the start of every year. having your bodies grinded up and the bones spit out for all the see on national television will likely leave a sour taste in the mouth of most voters. and just like nobody wants to see a sequel to the Cold War with Russia (Cold War II: Nuclear Boogaloo), we'd all rather not see your ass getting drug up and down the field in another damn title game. have fun dominating your lousy conference and going to the Rose Bowl. it's all you silly Big 10ers seem to care about anyways.

3. Southern Cal

Southern California. The Men Of Troy. Win Forever. The Dominate Force of the 21st Century in the world of College Football. you've got more blue chip recruits than the rest of the Pac 10 teams combined...and yet every year lately you seem to lose inexplicable games to the likes of Oregon State, UCLA, and Stanford that leave you sitting at home watching the BCS title instead of taking back what is rightfully yours. this year you've got a high profile gig with those silly Buckeyes. aren't they cute when they try and matchup with someone not in the Big 10 and MAC? you'll have your way with their women and children, but who is lurking for you in the jungle? Charlie is out there in the shit man! he never sleeps! he drinks viper piss and asks for more! and he's waiting for you to stroll in all lazy eyed and ready for an upset. could be those no luck having Huskies up in Washington. nobody ever suspects them or what about that damn Arizona team? they always pull an unbelievable upset out of their asses that keeps their head coach around another year too long. that's the problem with Charlie, man. you never know when that sneaky little fucker is gonna strike.

4. Oklahoma

on paper Oklahoma appears to be one of the best teams in the entire country. mammoth offensive line anchored by a surefire 1st round left tackle: check. game breaking running back: check. a solid young QB: check. a talented defense full of soon to be NFLers: check. you own your chief rival Texas in the way that Florida has owned Georgia the past 2 decades. and yet who could trust you in a BCS game. your failures are the stuff of legend. if the Buckeyes actually can make it to the BCS title game again, i'm sure they'll be praying that they will run into you.

5. Florida

so you're the Florida Gators. you've got one of best offenses in all the land. you're quarterbacked by the reigning Heisman trophy winner, Tim Tebow (the young Superman. the baby rhino. the human battery ram. jesus is my quarterback). and yet your defense is prone to bursting into flames against teams at any time. can you outscore every opponent you play 50-45? is Tebow gonna carry the ball 8 billion and 1 times again? luckily you don't have to play Auburn this year and you get LSU at home. but with a secondary like that i'd put your chances against a team with even the the most simple of passing attacks as shaky at best.

6. Missouri

Missouri is like the new kid who moves into town during the middle of the school year. everyone's really nice to you at first and invites you over to spend the night but you never let anyone ever see your house and your clothes are all hand me downs. i heard your older brother was in jail for selling meth, maybe it's just a rumor but everyone believes it. then you move away during the summer and noone ever thinks about you again. maybe your dad is in the army. sucks for you. you were the feel good story of 2007. you've got a good QB, a play making receiver, and an NFL caliber tight end. but i think much of your 07 season was the product of an easy schedule and noone expecting you to be any good. sure i think you could pull another 10 wins out of your ass with the offense you've got. but would anyone really be surprised if you guys only won 8 games and fell off the fucking map and back into irrelevance? not me.

7. LSU
You are LSU, the defending National champions. your coach is a jackass who makes the most boneheaded calls in close games that i have ever seen...and yet you seem to win them and get to the national title despite all that. big daddy Saban left you stocked with talent...but a lot of those guys are gone to NFL. sure you're still loaded with shit tons of 4 and 5 stars players, but you're would be superstar QB went and got himself kicked off the team after his 53rd strike and so now you're being quarterbacked by a former member of the Harvard JV team (i didn't even know college football schools had JV teams?!!). i would announce you good and fucked just for that alone. not to mention you've trips to Auburn (a place you aren't too found of winning at) and Floria. i smell Chick-fil-A and a trip to the ATL for you this season.

8. West Virginia

West Fucking Virginia. the most exciting offense in the country. speed is everywhere on this team. your leader is my favorite non-Auburn player in college football, Pat White. you blew the doors off Oklahoma after your dickhead coach skipped town for winged helmets and softer competition. there's no school outside of my Auburn Tigers that i'd root for more to win a National Title this season. unfortunately you play in the Big East, and now that Louisville has fallen off the map you're the only big dog left standing. sure South Florida is a contender, but have you seen those fucking uniforms? they make Oregon look respectable. West Virginia's season is basically two games long. beat Auburn and beat South Florida and you are more than likely gonna be undefeated...unfortunately that's no guarntee that you'll even play for the BCS title. the machines will turn against you and place a 1 loss SEC champ or a 1 loss Ohio State or USC ahead of you any day of the week. it's just the sad facts of the college football world. you had your shot to be champs last year and you fucking blew it. next year Pat White will be gone and so will your time as one of the "it" teams of college football. it was fun while it lasted.

9. Clemson

Clemson in the top 10? hmmm...well they do have 2 awesome runningbacks, a solid QB, some play making receivers, and a shit ton of talent on their defense. and yet they are coached by Tommy Bowden. and so they will lose at least 4 games a season from now and until the end of his terrible reign.

10. Auburn

Auburn's ranked in the top 10. SWEET! Auburn has a loaded defense, most of their tough games at home, and a new spread offense that's should equal more scoring for a team who doesn't give up many points. Auburn is the favorite among most preseason experts to win the SEC west and is a dark horse national title contender. AWESOME! one question: what does Auburn do a really poor fucking job of? living up to expectations. have fun in the Outback Bowl guys.

Get To Know A Freshman: Philip Pierre Louis

Philip Pierre Louis is a 5 foot nuthin' receiver that is joining my Auburn Tigers this season and the coaches are freaking out about his play making ability. after i watched this high school highlight video on youtube i think i might be freaking out a little too.

the cut he makes on the 3rd highlight is pretty sick. Bama may have Julio Jones, but we've got Mighty Mouse. Little dude is shifty and a burner. 4.25 forty. damn! i'm sure he'll see some action on punt or kick returns and probably a reverse or two.

Where'd All This Patriotism Come From Anyways?

can you picture me standing on top of my couch screaming "go motherfucker! go!", my dogs flipping out and barking at me like an intruder was in the house, while the men's relay team tried to put a cap on Michael Phelps' (aka Swimbot 5000) quest for an 8th Gold Medal? well it happened. and things like that have been happening a lot this last week.

so after talking massive amounts of shit about how irrelevant the Olympics are and making fun of all the people i work with who were excited about them i have ended up watching nearly every second of the fucking games that i can. Swimming (of course), men's basketball (when I'm up early enough), track (when are college football team's gonna start recruiting those damn Jamaicans to come play receiver or corner), and women's volleyball (beach and regular aka bikinis vs. booty shorts) are the obvious ones, but I've been also been watching ping pong, boxing, water polo, soccer, and even fucking gymnastics. hell i watched rowing yesterday. this is the most i've paid attention to the games since they were in Atlanta and then i just sort of did it out of obligation. this is the most i've actually cared about the Olympics since i 1988.

anyways with that being said i think it's time to acknowledge how fucking excited i have been about watching Swimbot 5000 destroy the record books. Michael Phelps is a robot sent from the future to collect the world's gold and make Americans feel good about themselves for a few weeks while our world crumbles around us. and for that i salute him. sure he's a goofy lookin' motherfucker with the abs of a god and he's causing American men to feel bad about their bodies like our girlfriends do when they look at Vogue, but it's a small price to pay for such old fashioned American dominance. i don't care if everyone forgets about him in a month, he fucking rules and all those douchebags on sports talk radio who are trying to say that what he did isn't that big of a deal can all go eat a bag of dicks. i'm as jaded as a sports fan can be and i will admit that watching Phelps kick everyone's ass has been the most fun i've had watching sports in a long time. i hope he bangs as many models, actresses, and strippers as he possibly can because after that performance last week he deserves it.

thanks for making us be proud to be Ameircans...even if it was just for a few moments. now here's some Lee Greenwood and a laser show for your ass.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

AP Pre-Season Top 25

so Georgia lands on top of both polls. the winner of the USC and Ohio State game is gonna leap frog Georgia, so the Dawgs should enjoy that ranking while they can. i'll say this, living in Athens you can feel the people's excitement around here. football season might actually save the local economy this year. my Auburn Tigers find themselves in the top 10, but 4th among the SEC Teams (there are six SEC teams in all in the top 25). basically the top 15 teams are almost exactly the same as the coaches poll. Bama got some love from the sports writers, which i was a little surprised about. Kansas and Illinois are both gonna be after thoughts at the end of the year. Texas Tech is going to shown to be overrated like they always are at the beginning of the year. South Florida is a little low in this poll. Clemson is too high, i don't care if they are talented...they're still always the most disappointing team in college football.

1. Georgia (22)
2. Ohio St. (21)
3. Southern Cal (12)
4. Oklahoma (4)
5. Florida (6)
6. Missouri
7. LSU
8. West Virginia
9. Clemson
10. Auburn
11. Texas
12. Texas Tech
13. Wisconsin
14. Kansas
15. Arizona St.
16. BYU
17. Virginia Tech
18. Tennessee
19. South Florida
20. Illinois
21. Oregon
22. Penn St.
23. Wake Forest
24. Alabama
25. Pittsburgh

Friday, August 15, 2008

Positive Vibes Friday: Roky Erickson...before he looked like Dr. John

For your veiwing pleasure some youtube footage of Roky Erickson, back in the 13th Floor Elevator days. i went and saw Roky last night at the ole' 40 watt as part of this Nerdapalooza Popfest. He is both fat as hell and a fan of Hawaiian shirts these days...that isn't to say that the old man can't still rock, but he's drifted a bit into the White Man Playing The Blues To A Point That It's Almost a Parody, category. still it was a good show. Don't Shake Me Lucifer indeed.

How Does One Get Advertising For A Blog?

a simple question that can't possibly have a simple answer. then again my pathetic number of hits a day can't possibly warrant said advertiser interest. and so the crushing reality that doing this for fun is all i have to look forward to must continue. one day i will come up with a blog so fucking clever that money will fall from the sky and i will be able to party with Adam Jones in my free time. to dream is to live.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Quit Talking About It...You're Breaking Rules 1 and 2

stole this from the War Eagle Reader. i thought it was funny, especially after i kept suggesting people make Auburn Fight Club shirts yesterday, but then remembered making such shirts would be breaking the rules of Fight Club.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

What Happens At The Olympics...

my favorite story about the Olympics so far isn't the lip syncing little girl or cgi fireworks or the Chinese gymnastics team made up of 7th graders. nope, it's the fact that 100,000 condoms were handed out to the Olympic athletes in the Olympic village. apparently they gave out something like 70,000 in the last games but they ran out. i guess there isn't a whole lot to do in the Olympic Village but get laid, especially once you get knocked out of your competition. i pose a question? who gets more laid at these games, Michael Phelps or the entire US Men's Basketball Team? i think Phelps might be able to take those dudes.

Public Service Announcement

so my liberal friends, who don't watch football, over at kindercore records (the label that never paid me) are trying to help Obama get elected. if you are interested in helping the cause and getting a hip t-shirt out of it then you should check out

Defensive Linemen Beware, Lee Ziemba will kick your ass

so Auburn's sophomore left tackle, Lee Ziemba, is at it again! kicking defensive lineman's asses at practice. Ziemba nearly killed Antonio Coleman during the spring, but i suppose Coleman wanted to go for round two and they got into it again yesterday. Ziemba rules. obviously we are all breaking a major rule by discussing Auburn's fight club in the open like this.

Random Thoughts On The Olympics That I Told Everyone I Was Too Fucking Cool to Watch

maybe it's the fact there are 27 former or current Auburn Tigers competing this year. maybe it's the fact that it's summer and nothing is on TV and i still haven't gotten season 5 of the Wire on DVD yet. maybe it's the fact that i don't have any money because gas is so expensive. but I've been watching a shit ton of the Olympics. which is of course ironic because all i did was talk about how lame i thought the Olympics were and mock people i worked with who were excited about them. anyways...

i can't remember an American Olympic athlete that I've ever thought was more annoying than Alicia Sacramone and her pouting act. i mean i get it, you've trained your whole life for this moment and you go and fuck it up for the whole team by constantly falling off shit and stepping out of bounds...but walking around with that constant frown on your face is no way to endure yourself to all the Americans sitting back home on their fat asses who are cursing your name. loveable loser is not a term one would apply to her. and yes i realize that making fun of a young girl who was crying because she fucked up on the biggest stage of her life and cost her team a chance at the Gold Medal makes me an asshole. i'm okay with that.

unrelated to all that choking the Women's team did last night, i think Nastia Liukin might be in fact the first female gymnast i've ever wanted to do it with.

luckily i could give a shit about women's gymnastics and instead am far more interested in watching the women's beach volley ball team dominate everyone and look hot while doing it. President Bush approves. seriously Bush is living it up over in China now that he doesn't care about his job anymore. not even the Russians invading Georgia will keep W. from having a good ole' time. he looks more stoked than if he was clearing some brush.

as much as i think Michael Phelps rules, i wish he'd hurry up and win all those fucking Golds so i can stop hearing about what a douchebag/crybaby Mark Spitz is being about not getting invited to the Olympics to see Phelps break his record. dude, you have money. get on a fucking plane and go, nobody has to invite you.

and finally a shout out to the Lollipop guild for bringing home the bronze for team USA in men's gymnastics.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Never Take Glee In Your Enemy's Troubles

so Georgia just went from a national title contender to good and fucked with the news that star left tackle Trinton Sturdivant has suffered a severe and likely season ending knee injury. there seems to be a lot of that going around right now. Auburn lost starting corner back Aairon Savage and Florida lost ALL-SEC tight end Cornelius Ingram for the year.

I Bet Spurrier Does Have A Giant Lazer In His Office

The Coaches of the SEC as Bond Villains. Evil and Genius.

speaking of coaches; apparently Donovan McNabb is gonna play a role in hiring the next Syracuse head coach. that's sort of bizarre. i can't imagine Auburn asking Bo Jackson to give the Tigers some advise on coaching hires...but then again, Syracuse is probably one of, if not the worst BCS conference schools in all of football.

A Better Reason to Watch The Olympics Other Than Michael Phelps

Meet Bia and Branca Feres. they are Brazilian synchronized swimming twins who are gonna be famous as hell after this year's summer games thanks to an ungodly amount of hotness.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Previewing Auburn's 2008 Season (The Schedule)

this is part 3 in my ongoing saga of a realistic preview at the upcoming 2008 Auburn Football season.

The Tigers are coming off a year where they went 9-4 and won the Chick-Fil-A Peach Bowl. they are replacing their offensive and defensive coordinators, their starting QB of the past 3 seasons, and are going from a classic power running team to a new Spread offense. expectations, as always, are high among the fans and Auburn sees itself as the favorite to win the SEC West and hopefully get into a BCS game.

here's a look at the Tigers 2008 Schedule and my predictions for each game.

game 1. Aug 30th vs Louisiana Monroe.

UL-Monroe is the school that upset Alabama last year. they've got zero NFL prospects on their roster that i am aware of and were a fairly mediocre Sun-Belt team. i fully expect the Tigers to come out guns blazing in week 1 and try and beat them by at least 30, if only to make Bama's loss last year seem all the more humiliating. this is a great first game of the year for the Tigers because it'll basically act as a pre-season game to get both quarterbacks some real game day experience and to tune up the new spread offense. this should be at least a 3 touchdown victory with lots of reserves seeing some action and a lot of padding the stats for the QBs and runningbacks. count this one as a win and move forward.

game 2. Sept 6th vs Southern Mississippi.

The Golden Eagles have knocked off Auburn in the past, so Auburn fans shouldn't just assume this one will be a cake walk. Southern Miss has an excellent running back in Damion Fletcher, so the Auburn D-Line will be asked to stop him and put the pressure on the QB. i expect a closer game than the experts will predict. Southern Miss will hang around and score a few but the Tigers depth and speed will help them pull away by the 4th quarter. i predict a 13 point victory.

game 3. Sept 13th @ Mississippi State.

Auburn's most embarrassing loss of the season came last year against Mississippi State. turnovers cost the Tigers that game so i look for Auburn to try and control the ball and i expect a lot of running, as they were able to move the ball pretty well on the ground last year against the Bulldogs. again this game is probably closer than it should be, especially since it's in Starkganistan...but Auburn's defense and running game should help them put this one away late. i predict a 10 point victory.

game 4. Sept 20th vs LSU.

forget UGA and Bama, this is THE MOST IMPORTANT GAME OF THE SEASON. the winner of this game is likely to end up winning the West. for the past eight seasons victory has gone to the home team....that means it's Auburn's turn (hopefully). both LSU and Auburn have similar situations. really talented defenses, strong running games, good offensive lines, and in experienced QBs. LSU however may be starting a transfer from Harvard. I'll take Chris Todd or Kodi Burns over the Ivy League any day. this game should be close as hell with some insane play that makes me wanna shoot myself in the head. Auburn squeaks past LSU with a 3 point win and controls their destiny in the West.

game 5. Sept 27th vs Tennessee.

Auburn hasn't played the Vols since 2004, aka last time Auburn won the SEC title. that season Auburn beat them twice. this year the Tigers are likely to be ranked in the top 10 and favored to beat the Vols...unfortunately this is the week after the LSU game, and that always seems to result in some bizarre shit happening. Tennessee has a great running game and a solid defense and a QB (Jonathan Crompton) who could blossom into a star. i look for Tennessee to take advantage of a tired and possibly hurt Auburn team and hand Auburn their first loss of the season in a heartbreaker 24-20.

game 6. Oct 4th @ Vanderbilt.

following a loss at home to the Vols i fully expect an angry Auburn team to take it out on the poor Commodores. this one is gonna be ugly, like scoring 50 points and Auburn knocking one of Vandy's QBs out of the game ugly.

game 7. Oct 11th vs. Arkansas.

i'm usually scared of the Hawgs because no matter how much better a team the Tigers have, Arkansas almost always manages to play them close and pull off the occassional upset or two. this year i don't really see that happening. the Razorbacks have no big time playmakers with Darren McFadden and Felix Jones gone and their defense isn't really anything to speak of either. this game could be as ugly as the Vandy one...especially with the history between Bobby Petrino and Coach Tuberville. Tommy isn't really known for running up the score, but if the Tigers are able to jump out to a big lead against the Hawgs then i don't expect CTT to call off the dogs at all. this one should be a 20 point win at the very least.

game 8. October 23rd @ West Virginia.

Thursday Night. ESPN. Big East vs. SEC. likely a matchup between two teams in the top 10. possibly this game could have national title implications...especially for West Fucking Virginia who needs a win against a marquee team to legitimize their BCS title chances in case they find themselves in a log jam at the top of the BCS rankings at season's end. West Virginia has everything to lose in this game. Auburn however is going to be more concerned with SEC teams. a loss to West Virginia would likely knock Auburn out of the national title picture, but will have no effect on their quest for an SEC crown. this is gonna be a cold night game in the mountains. the perfect scenario for WV to knock off Auburn. but don't believe the hype. Auburn has had success against teams that run the spread...granted Pat White is a lot more fleet of foot than Tim Tebow but i still look for the Tigers to keep him in check. Auburn's defensive coordinator, Paul Rhodes came to Auburn from Pitt where he was able to stop the high powered West Virginia offense last year with a lot less talent than he'll have at his disposal this year. i look for Auburn to pull out a close, low scoring win in the cold mountain night. something of the 20-14 variety. West Virginia will be out of the national title picture and Auburn will jump up to possibly a top 5 ranking. but at the same time i could easily see West Virginia pulling off the win. this is the biggest question mark of the year for me.

game 9. Nov. 1st @ Ole' Miss.

this is by far the biggest trap game on the schedule for Auburn. i fully expect Ole' Miss to be the most improved team in the SEC under new head coach Houston Nutt. the Rebels will be hungry for a major upset and don't be surprised if they give Auburn everything they can handle. my gut tells me this one is gonna go down to the wire with Auburn possibly having to win it in overtime or maybe kick a late field goal in the 4th quarter to put Ole' Miss away.

game 10. Nov 8th vs Tennesse Martin.

it's homecoming for Auburn after a series of tough road games. everyone loves cupcakes. especially the Division IAA variety who've only had 3 winning seasons in the last 20 years. this one is gonna be over quick. expect something in the realm of of 67-3 with every one on the team getting the chance to play.

game 11. Nov 15th vs. Georgia.

right behind LSU, this is the most important game of the year for a variety of reasons. first of all Auburn is riding a two game losing streak against the Dawgs and they were the soul crushing blow out type of losses that deflate your season and leave you crying yourself to sleep at night into your pillow. after last year's Black Out debacle the Tigers will be looking to get some revenge. UGA will be favored in this one...and that might be a good thing as Auburn was favored in the last 2 matchups and only managed to get their asses handed to them. hopefully with interception machine Brandon Cox being gone the Tigers will finally have a chance. look for the Tigers to try and shut down Knowshon Moreno and make Matt Stafford beat them with his arm. this game should be a war. both teams could be in the top 5 and the winner of this game will probably be on it's way to the SEC title game and a BCS birth, the loser might end up in the Capital One bowl. i can't in my heart believe Auburn will lose 3 years in a row to the fucking Bulldogs, but Georgia is fucking loaded. i can't predict this game. too much is still a mystery. if you forced me to pick right now i'd probably go with the Dogs. just because i see 2 losses this season for my Tigers. Auburn is either losing this game or they are losing to West Virginia, but i wouldn't pick them to lose both.

game 12. Nov 29th @ Alabama.

lucky number 7. Auburn will be looking to tie up the SEC West by knocking off the Tide for a 7th year in a row. The Tide will be looking to end the blood letting and also looking to move into a better bowl position after an up and down year. as always rankings and records mean nothing in a rivalry game, Auburn still has enough of a talent advantage over Bama to keep the win streak alive, but i won't be shocked if the Tide finally ends the bleeding this season...especially if it would result in Auburn being knocked out of the SEC title game and the national championship picture. i predict a 24-14 win for Auburn over an Alabama team who will have a very young and not very deep defense this fall. i believe Bama is still a year away from being a serious contender in the West.

so is summation i think the Tigers are at the very very best 11-1 at the end of the regular season and will be facing Florida in the SEC title game. more realistically i'm thinking they'll be 10-2 but still SEC West champs and will face either Florida or Georgia in Atlanta. the worst case scenario for me would be 8-4 with losses to LSU, UGA, Tennessee, and West Virginia...but given Auburn's success against top 10 teams i just don't believe that will happen. this is Auburn's best chance to win an SEC title in the last few years. the schedule is tough, but most of the biggest games are at home. even if everything goes according to plan and the Tigers are 11-1 or 10-2, they'll still more than likely have to face Georgia again or Florida. if they are up against the Gators i don't know if i see Auburn beating Florida three years in a row. likely they'd lose a close SEC title game and end up in the Sugar Bowl while Florida went on to face either USC or Ohio State for the national title. i'd still consider that a successful season, especially given the amount of change that the team will have gone through in the off season. anyway i'm tired of predictions and speculation. August 30th can't get here soon enough. War Eagle!

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Previewing Auburn's 2008 Season (Defense and Special Teams)

Football season. it's almost here. you can smell it? oh wait, no that's just regular vomit from the Athens townies. student puke is still a few weeks away. but regardless the anticipation for August 30th has built to the point where i can't even stand talking about it anymore. just let me see some football. and not any of this NFL preseason nonsense. i want some real college football. every game counts. Saturdays in the south. SEC speed. rivalry. pageantry. and of course the crushing of my hopes. i've already highlighted Auburn's three biggest rivals and each of their prospects for the 2008 season, and now it's time to tackle my Tigers. and give a recycled (it's all about being green. so no new content. The Earth is First!) version of their chances for this upcoming season in the least biased way possible.


Defensive Line- The Defensive front has been the focal point of the Auburn defense during the past several seasons with big play makers such as Stanley McClover and Quentin Groves causing havoc for opposing QBs. and 2008 looks to be no different. the defensive ends this year should carry on the tradition of being sack happy monsters and the big boys in the middle should be able to stuff the run (unless they're playing Georgia in a fucking Black Out Game...GODDAMNIT!!!). pre-season All American Sen'Derrick Marks leads the line as the playmaker in the middle. Auburn fans are hoping he has the type of year that Glenn Dorsey had last season for LSU, minus the knee injury (sorry 'bout that). joining Marks in the middle will be Jake Ricks, Mike Blanc, and Zach Clayton, none have been a starter...but all show strong potential. on the ends we have Antonio Coleman (pre-season All SEC) who led the team with 8.5 sacks last year as a part time starter. on the other side Michael Goggans (a converted tight end) looks to have a breakout year. Sophomore Antoine Carter and JC transfer Raven Gray (a five star recruit!!) also will likely be in the defensive end rotation and getting plenty of playing time. redshirt freshman AJ Green and true freshman Cameron Henderson (4 star recruit) may see some action as well. it's by far one of...if not THE, deepest positions of strength for Auburn. i don't expect any drop off from last season.

fantasy scenario: the Tigers front four destroys opponents and don't allow a single rushing touchdown all season. Auburn's leads the SEC in sacks and hold every running back they face to less than 100 yards. Marks and Coleman both land on several All American teams. Goggans proves to be another in the line of devastating pass rushers and opposing coordinators see nightmares of Navy and Burnt Orange linemen tearing their QBs into pieces.

realistic scenario: the defensive line pretty much holds serve with those that have come before it, getting lots of sacks and plays in the backfield and keeping the Auburn defense as one of the top 10 in the nation.

Linebackers- like the line, the linebackers are deep and very talented as well. former five star recruit, Tray Blackmon is entering his third season with the Tigers. the hopes are that he can get past the injuries and off the field problems that have held him back from being a dominate force. i (and the entire Tiger nation) think this is gonna be his breakout season. backing him up in the middle is another highly thought of recruit named Josh Bynes. Seniors Merril Johnson, Courtney Harden, and Chris Evans will all spend time in the linebacker rotation. each of them has been a starter in the past and have played on the outside and in the middle. Sophomore Craig Stevens (4 star recruit) will find himself as the other starting linebacker. don't be surprised to see freshmen Spencer Pybus, Adam Herring, and De'Shaun Barnes getting some playing time as well. promising linebacker Bo Harris decided to transfer, but there's enought depth at the position that it shouldn't matter.

fantasy scenario: no one can run past the Tigers front line, but the lucky few who do escape the big boys will be getting blown up by a very fast and angry linebacking corp. Tray Blackmon finally shows the nation why he was the number 1 linebacker recruit in the nation and has an All American campaign and then decides to come back for one more year at Auburn.

realistic scenario: as long as the linebackers can stay away from the injury bug that seemed to hit them all last year, then the depth and speed of this position should cause nightmares for running backs in the SEC. i expect this to be the best group the Tigers have in a while.

Defensive Backs- if there was a weakness on this defense it would be the lack of depth in the defensive backs. Jerraud Powers is unquestionably the best player of the group. he's a solid All-SEC player and a likely 2nd round pick. he made big plays and will be looked at as the leader in this group. sophomores Michael McNeil and Zac Etheridge are the starting safeties. both players have a lot of potential and started games last season. McNeil has the biggest upside of the two. Aarion Savage was set to be the other starting cornerback before blowing his knee out. Walter McFadden will be asked to fill that void, he could end up being the week link in what looked like a solid starting 4. redshirt freshman Michael Slade will be asked to back up both safeties and true freshmen D'Antoine Hood and Harry Adams are both expected to see time at corner. freshman QB, DeRon Furr was expected to contribute at safety but left the team after getting jumped at practice by some of the other defensive backs.

fantasy scenario: no one else gets injured and the supposed weakness of the defensive backfield becomes a strength. Powers is an All SEC performer and a Jim Thorpe finalist. the freshmen step into the void left by Savage and become impact players. McNeil and Etheridge wreak havoc on anyone who dares to go over the middle.

realistic scenario: the DBs are a bit of a weak link and teams who can sling it will try and exploit the young safeties and throw away at McFadden in an effort to avoid Powers. the DBs will end up costing the Tigers a loss at some point in the season.


Kickers- Wes Byrum had 2 game winning field goals against Florida and Arkansas and was mostly accurate as a true freshman. punter Ryan Shoemaker is first team All SEC.

fantasy/realistic scenario: i don't really have any real fantasies about kickers. Byrum already has shown he's money in the big moments. and Shoemaker is an ALL-SEC punter. fuck it! we're Golden!

kick & punt returners- Brad Lester, Tristan Davis, Robert Dunn, Mario Fannin, and Chris Slaughter will all probably do some punt and kick returns. Davis is speedster who led the SEC in return average a few seasons ago. Fannin is a playmaker for sure and we'd all like to see him do damage on punt returns.

fantasy scenario: Tristan Davis returns back to his 2006 form on kick returns and Mario Fannin has Auburn fans with visions of Reggie Bush with his combination of receiving, rushing, and punt returns.

realistic scenario: the returns make some plays, but are nothing special and no real game breaker emerges.

In Summation: The Defense is the kind that can win you a championship. the special teams is consistent and reliable. There aren't a lot of questions in the fans' minds. we know our Tigers will be a dominate force on defense, even if we are bringing in a new coordinator. there's some star power with Marks, Coleman, Powers, and Blackmon. as long as Auburn can remember how to tackle when they play the Bulldogs and not give up big passing plays like they did to Georgia and LSU then i expect we'll be winning a lot of games. also let's hope Paul Rhodes can do with Auburn's D what he did last season with Pitt when the Tigers travel to West Virginia in October.