Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Ok Auburn, Just hire that fucking asshole and get this shit over with.

When I heard that Kentucky had hired Mark Stoops as their headcoach the first thing i said was "Auburn is gonna hire Petrino."

Originally this thought made me kind of sick to my stomach...and not because I'm some strongly moral dickhead who gives a shit about powerful men cheating on their wives... there are bigger problems in the world.  No, I was more sick because my Falcons fandom still thinks of Bobby Petrino as the fuckface who snuck out of town in the middle of the night with a Dear John note in the players' lockers. But that cowardly move actually ended up working out pretty well for the Dirty Birds and Atlanta has never been better as an NFL franchise. So all these years later I don't really give a shit about what he did in Atlanta, or the Jetgate nonsense, or the fact Petrino just seems like a completely unlikeable jerk. Not even a little bit. All I give a shit about Auburn's next headcoach is that they know what the fuck they are doing and can beat UGA and Bama without the benefit of superhuman QBs. Bobby Petrino IS a scumbag...but he is also THE BEST COACH available. And isn't finding the best coach what really matters. Auburn is a school, i understand that...but Auburn Football is a business and the smart business decision is to just hire the asshole who knows how to win. Of course if you read the tweets and the messageboard and blog rants there is a pretty strong section of Auburn fans who say they will not support or watch the Tigers if Petrino is the coach. So 3-9 didn't kill your love but Petrino will? I guess i can only say enjoy the yardwork on Saturdays then.

I'm sure this coaching search to go on for a week or two, but when it is all said and done i fully expect that the man who will be in charge at Auburn next season is going to be Bobby Petrino. You can scream at the heavens about the Auburn Creed and values and others such subjections of mock outrage all you want on twitter and messageboards but deep down you are gonna be happy because you know that Auburn will finally have a coach who can compete with the Sabans and Miles of the SEC.

that being said...if we hire James Franklin or Gus Malzahn i am gonna be hella stoked too, dudes. i just hope i don't have to post something like this again.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

least shocking thing ever...Gene Chizik just got fired.

It was over for Gene the second Cam Newton declared for the draft. it seems completely insane to think that just 2 seasons after winning the title that Auburn would be looking for a new head coach but after witnessing the state of the program during huge blowouts against Texas A&M, Georgia, and Alabama there really was no other choice. Another year under Chizik would be digging Auburn deeper into a hole that they might not ever get out of.

so he is gone. it is all over. will the NCAA come in and bury the Tigers with a mountain of sanctions? the screaming maniacs of the college football message boards and comment sections sure think/hope so.

and now the coaching search begins. James Franklin, Gus Malzahn, Jimbo Fisher, Bobby Petrino, Gary Patterson, Charlie Strong....those are some of the names we are gonna hear as this search goes on. my money is on Franklin. he just won 8 games at Vanderbilt. think about that. wrap your fucking mind around Vandy having a winning record in the SEC. that seems like the kind of miracle worker this young Tigers team needs. Malzahn is going to be on a lot of fans wish list. with Gus as the headman in charge and without a clueless defensive minded coach looking over his shoulder the Tigers might be able to morph back into the Oregon of the South like they were in 2010. the defense is obviously gonna suffer but it isn't like Auburn has been stopping anyone the past 4 years. Fisher and Petrino are the two biggest names and each offers something to make the Tigers excited. Petrino could give Auburn an instant turn around and have the Tigers competing for the SEC title in 2 seasons....but he's also a scumbag asshole that everyone fucking hates. Fisher is a great recruiter who could get top 5 or 10 classes in every year...but recruiting rankings has never been the problem under Chizik. it's what happens to those 4 and 5 stars when they make it to the Plains. Fisher has always been a bit iffy as the man in charge as FSU has underachieved every season he has been there as a coordinator and headcoach. Patterson and Strong are both great defensive coaches that do absolutely nothing for me in realms of excitement and optimism. knowing Auburn it's going to be NONE of those names. and so it goes.

Auburn has a search committee made up of Bo Jackson, Pat Sullivan, and Mac Crawford who will be helping to find the next man to coach the Auburn Tigers. hopefully Bo Knows coaching searches.

so long Gene Chizik. thanks for the BCS title. thanks for Cam Newton. no thanks for all the rest of the tire fire you left behind. hopefully Jay Jacobs will be joining you in the unemployment line soon enough. one can dream.

on a positive note....let's all watch this once more and really say thank you to Gene Chizik. say whatever you want about him being a terrible coach, but he gave us this and we will always be thankful. War Eagle Forever.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

It's Over. Thanks For Nothing.

49-0. the 2nd biggest blow out in the history of the Iron Bowl. well that went about the way i thought it would. no matter the final score, Alabama could have put up 100 points today if they had wanted to. and so now after several grueling months this worthless miserable season is finally mercifully over. Auburn set several shameful records this year and no doubt 2012 will long be remembered as the worst Auburn team of our lifetime. there's just no way they can get any worse. they could never possibly play with less heart and i hope to god they could never be coached by more clueless people.

that Cam Newton was able to lead a team coached by these fools to a BCS title basically just solidifies his status as the greatest single season player in the history of NCAA football.

so what now? likely Gene Chizik will be fired some time in the next week or so. that is a given. but what will Auburn do after that? is a team that fires it's coach 2 years after winning a BCS title even able to lure an elite coach to take the job? and with so many other jobs open in the SEC where does Auburn really fall in line? i really don't know anymore. i never thought i would live so long to see Auburn as the laughing stock of the SEC. whatever, i have nothing to say that isn't being said by thousands of other Tigers fans everywhere. change is coming, i just hope this time it's change we can count on.

fuck off and die, 2012! War Eagle, forver.

Monday, November 12, 2012

R.I.P. Auburn Football, 1892-2012

It's all over but the firings. granted 2 weeks are left in this nightmare of a season that will conclude with what an only guess will be an epic blow out at the hands of Alabama but really the coaches, players, and fans are just looking forward to the moment the clock hits 0:00 on 2012 and the Gene Chizik era.

My experience watching the Tigers being annihilated on Saturday with my UGA grad/fan girlfriend  was pretty telling. I didn't yell at the television once and she didn't have the heart to mock my lousy Tigers. I realized that my fandom has already gone through all the stages of grief about six times this year and now all I had was a feeling of complete and total apathy...my rage and sadness long having been extinguished by this pitiful and helpless excuse for an Auburn football team. Congratulations Auburn, you have 100% broken my Tiger loving spirit.

I knew I should have retired from watching college football after Wes Byrum's game winning field goal passed through the uprights nearly 2 years ago.