Thursday, February 28, 2008

File Under: Useless Stats that Will Have No Baring On The Next College Football Season

Below the overall conference records are the rankings of each division team based upon their winning percentages against their own divisions and against their counterpart divisions within the conference...

Interesting stuff to see how the individual teams in the conference have fared against each other...

Florida---127 Games(102-25) .803%

SEC WEST (35-17) .673%
Arkansas (6-0)
Louisiana State (10-5)
Alabama (5-3)
Auburn (8-5)
Mississippi (3-2)
Missisippi State (3-2)

SEC EAST (67-8) .894%
Kentucky (15-0)
Vanderbilt (15-0)
South Carolina (14-1)
Georgia (12-3)
Tennessee (11-4)

Tennessee---125 Games(92-32-1) .740%

SEC WEST (35-14-1) .714%
Mississippi (4-0)
Arkansas (10-2)
Mississippi State (5-1)
Alabama (10-4-1)
Auburn (3-3)
Louisiana State (3-4)

SEC EAST (57-18) .760%
Kentucky (15-0)
South Carolina (14-1)
Vanderbilt (14-1)
Georgia (10-5)
Florida (4-11)

Auburn---123 Games(80-42-1) .654%

SEC WEST (50-25) .667%
Mississippi (13-2)
Alabama (10-5)
Mississippi State (10-5)
Arkansas (9-6)
Louisiana State (8-7)

SEC EAST (30-17-1) .638%
Vanderbilt (6-0)
Kentucky (4-0)
South Carolina (4-0)
Georgia (8-6-1)
Tennessee (3-3)
Florida (5-8)

Georgia---123 Games(75-47-1) .614%

SEC WEST (31-16-1) .660%
Mississippi State (4-0)
Arkansas (5-1)
Mississippi (9-3)
Louisiana State (4-2)
Alabama (3-2)
Auburn (6-8-1)

SEC EAST (44-31) .587%
Kentucky (13-2)
Vanderbilt (13-2)
South Carolina (10-5)
Tenessee (5-10)
Florida (3-12)

Louisiana State---124 Games(75-48-1) .609%

SEC WEST (50-25) .667%
Mississippi State (14-1)
Arkansas (10-5)
Mississippi (10-5)
Alabama (9-6)
Auburn (7-8)

SEC EAST (25-23-1) .521%
Vanderbilt (4-0)
South Carolina (3-1-1)
Kentucky (7-5)
Tennessee (4-3)
Georgia (2-4)
Florida (5-10)

Alabama---124 Games(68-55-1) .552%

SEC WEST (41-34) .547%
Mississippi (13-2)
Mississippi State (9-6)
Arkansas (8-7)
Louisiana State (6-9)
Auburn (5-10)

SEC EAST (27-21-1) .563%
Vanderbilt (12-0)
Kentucky (3-1)
South Carolina (3-2)
Georgia (2-3)
Florida (3-5)
Tennessee (4-10-1)

Arkansas---123 Games(57-65-1) .467%

SEC WEST (40-34-1) .541%
Mississippi State (12-2-1)
Mississippi (10-5)
Alabama (7-8)
Arkansas (6-9)
Louisiana State (5-10)

SEC EAST (17-31) .354%
South Carolina (9-6)
Vanderbilt (3-1)
Kentucky (2-3)
Georgia (1-5)
Tennessee (2-10)
Florida (0-6)

South Carolina---120 Games(45-74-1) .379%

SEC WEST (15-29-1) .341%
Mississippi State (6-6)
Alabama (2-3)
Arkansas (6-9)
Louisiana State (1-3-1)
Auburn (0-4)
Mississippi (0-4)

SEC EAST (30-45) .400%
Vanderbilt (12-3)
Kentucky (11-4)
Georgia (5-10)
Florida (1-14)
Tennessee (1-14)

Mississippi---120 Games(45-75) .375%

SEC WEST (21-54) .280%
Mississippi State (7-8)
Arkansas (5-10)
Alabama (2-13)
Auburn (2-13)
Louisiana State (5-10)

SEC EAST (24-21) .533%
South Carolina (4-0)
Vanderbilt (12-3)
Kentucky (3-2)
Florida (2-3)
Georgia (3-9)
Tennessee (0-4)

Mississippi State---121 Games(42-78-1) .351%

SEC WEST (22-52-1) .297%
Mississippi (8-7)
Alabama (6-9)
Auburn (5-10)
Arkansas (2-12-1)
Louisiana State (1-14)

SEC EAST (20-26) .435%
Vanderbilt (3-1)
Kentucky (8-7)
South Carolina (6-6)
Florida (2-3)
Tennessee (1-5)
Georgia (0-4)

Kentucky---120 Games(34-86) .283%

SEC WEST (18-27) .400%
Arkansas (3-2)
Mississippi State (7-8)
Mississippi (2-3)
Louisiana State (5-7)
Alabama (1-3)
Auburn (0-4)

SEC EAST (16-59) .213%
Vanderbilt (10-5)
South Carolina (4-11)
Georgia (2-13)
Florida (0-15)
Tennessee (0-15)

Vanderbilt---120 Games(16-104) .133%

SEC WEST (5-40) .111%
Alabama (0-12)
Arkansas (1-3)
Auburn (0-6)
Mississippi (3-12)
Missisippi State (1-3)
Louisiana State (0-4)

SEC EAST (11-64) .172%
Florida (0-15)
Georgia (2-13)
Kentucky (5-10)
South Carolina (3-12)
Tennessee (1-14)


Florida (67-8) .894%
Tennessee (57-18) .760%
Georgia (44-31) .587%
South Carolina (30-45) .400%
Kentucky (16-59) .213%
Vanderbilt (11-64) .172%

Tennessee (35-14-1) .714%
Florida (35-17) .673%
Georgia (31-16-1) .660%
Kentucky (18-27) .400%
South Carolina (15-29-1) .341%
Vanderbilt (5-40) .111%

Auburn (50-25) .667%
Louisiana State (50-25) .667%
Alabama (41-34) .547%
Arkansas (40-34-1) .541%
Mississippi State (22-52-1) .297%
Mississippi (21-54) .280%

Auburn (30-17-1) .638%
Alabama (27-21-1) .563%
Mississippi (24-21) .533%
Louisiana State (25-23-1) .521%
Mississippi State (20-26) .435%
Arkansas (17-31) .354%

Monday, February 25, 2008


all i have to say is 4.27. WOW.

Please trade De'Angelo Hall with the quickness

i guess those De'Angelo Hall trade rumors were a little more than rumors and now Hall is saying the Falcons stabbed him in the back and he wants to go play somewhere he's wanted. honestly as a Falcons fan all i can really say is don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. I've NEVER been a fan of Hall. he's a descent enough cornerback...but falls a little on the overrated side. he gets beaten consistently by the top receivers in the league and is usually more interested in talking shit to the wideout he's covering than winning games. for a good example of that you only need to look at the game against the Panthers when he racked up 67 yards in penalties after getting into it with Steve Smith.

The Falcons say they want multiple picks for Hall. i'd be happy with just a first round and a 3rd round this year. this is Hall's last year and it was likely he'd probably go sign with another team next year anyways. all that really matters is that he's gone.

the guy is the type of player that can turn into a cancer in your locker room, and with a new coaching staff coming in and with how badly things went last year the Falcons don't need ANY distractions (not to mention Hall was the ringleader of the discontent with last year's team. i don't blame Petrino for leaving).
especially since they'll probably doing a whole lot of losing again next season. get what you can for Hall while he's still got value, move on. then draft well....dear god draft well.

more so than any franchise in the NFL the Falcons have to start over, dumping their overrated and overpaid star cornerback is another move in the right direction.

go poorly cover T.O. for someone else, thank you very much.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

for once, something was worth the hype

okay. i am officially ready for the NCAA tournament to start. HOLY SHIT! that Memphis vs Tennessee game was easily the best game i've seen all season. either one of those teams could go to the Final Four or even win it all. i guess nobody is going undefeated this year. Tennessee gets the big win...could be setting themselves up for a National Title run. is it safe to go ahead and call them a basketball school now? The Vols are number one. and Lofton only had 5 points?!?!? this loss is probably the best thing to happen to Memphis though...if they'd gone into the tournament undefeated i probably would picked them to lose in the elite 8, but now i think i will pick 'em to go to the final 4.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Finally Some Good News For A Change

so the football god's have decided to be merciful for once as Atlanta won their three way coin toss and has landed the third pick in the upcoming NFL Draft. we could go into a myriad of ways to how the Falcons will fuck this up (two words: Matt Ryan) but we'll save that for another day. instead let's revel in the first good news that Falcons' fans have had since all that Vick shit started. now all this drama could have been avoided if the Falcons had just done the smart thing and lost the final regular season game...but hey, that's just not the Falcon Way.

top 5 scenarios i'd like to see Atlanta do with the pick.
1. draft Darren McFadden
2. draft Glenn Dorsey
3. draft Jake Long
4. trade the pick to Dallas for Marion Barber and a 1st round pick.
5. draft Matt Ryan and then set him on fire

also there are some rumors that the Falcons might be interested in trading De'Angelo Hall for draft picks. please let this rumor be true.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Feel The Pain

this is one of those pieces of youtube gold that i will come back to time and time again, especially when i need to feel better about myself that i am not a freakish 7 foot 7 Mormon who gets dunked on by guys who are a foot shorter than him. let us celebrate and also feel pity for Shawn Bradley, the NBA's bitch.

Auburn's Depth Chart Heading Into Spring Football.

look at all those fucking receivers. i don't know about all this Spreadtasticness, but with LSU in a world of shit over their QB situation and with Bama still young this could be Auburn's best chance at an SEC West title for the next few years. it could never happen...could it? CROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


18 Kodi Burns | 6-1, 205, So., 1V
12 Chris Todd | 6-2, 212, Jr., TR
19 Neil Caudle | 6-3, 200, So., 1V
15 DeRon Furr | 6-3, 218, Fr., HS
1 Brad Lester | 5-11, 198, Sr., 3V
44 Ben Tate | 5-11, 215, Jr., 2V
27 Mario Fannin | 5-11, 217, So., 1V
9 Tristan Davis | 5-10, 217, Sr., 3V
80 Rod Smith | 6-0, 192, Sr., 3V
82 James Swinton | 6-0, 178, Sr., 3V
84 Montez Billings | 6-2, 188, Jr., 2V
3 Robert Dunn | 5-11, 178, Sr., 3V
85 Quindarius Carr | 6-1, 175, Fr., RS
27 Mario Fannin | 5-11, 217, So., 1V
23 Chris Slaughter | 6-3, 179, So., 1V
81 Terrell Zachery | 6-1, 208, So., 1V
5 Tommy Trott | 6-5, 251, Jr., 2V
83 Gabe McKenzie | 6-4, 253, Jr., 2V
13 Tim Hawthorne | 6-3, 209, So., 1V
35 Brent Slusher | 6-3, 231, So., 1V
73 Lee Ziemba | 6-8, 290, So., 1V
75 Andrew McCain | 6-6, 301, Jr., 2V
50 Ryan Pugh | 6-4, 284, So., 1V
79 Jared Cooper | 6-4, 297, Fr., RS
74 Lee Tilley | 6-7, 318, So., SQ
71 Tyronne Green | 6-2, 307, Sr., 3V
57 Byron Isom | 6-3, 291, So., 1V
69 Rudy Odom | 6-3, 286, Jr., SQ
76 Chaz Ramsey | 6-4, 290, So., 1V
53 Bart Eddins | 6-4, 292, So., 1V
58 Kyle Coulahan | 6-4, 309, Fr., RS
68 Jason Bosley | 6-4, 281, Sr., 3V
66 Mike Berry | 6-3, 313, So., 1V
50 Ryan Pugh | 6-4, 284, So., 1V


49 Michael Goggans | 6-3, 254, So., 1V
90 A.J. Greene | 6-5, 269, Fr., RS
43 Raven Gray | 6-5, 253, Jr., TR
52 Antonio Coleman | 6-2, 250, Jr., 2V
45 Antoine Carter | 6-4, 253, So., 1V
91 Jake Ricks | 6-4, 302, Jr., 2V
98 Zach Clayton | 6-3, 286, So., 1V
94 Sen'Derrick Marks | 6-1, 288, Jr., 2V
93 Mike Blanc | 6-4, 287, So., 1V
46 Craig Stevens | 6-2, 219, So., 1V
28 Da'Shaun Barnes | 6-2, 221, Fr., HS
40 Bo Harris | 6-2, 244, So., 1V
59 Chris Evans | 6-0, 221, Sr., 3V
55 Merrill Johnson | 6-0, 209, Sr., 3V
56 Courtney Harden | 6-0, 237, Sr., 3V
10 Tray Blackmon | 6-0, 220, Jr., 2V
17 Josh Bynes | 6-2, 234, So., 1V
47 Adam Herring | 6-1, 224, Fr., RS
8 Jerraud Powers | 5-9, 188, Jr., 2V
6 Walter McFadden | 6-0, 180, Jr., 2V
2 Aairon Savage | 5-11, 190, Jr., 2V
25 Ryan Williams | 5-11, 204, So., 1V
4 Zac Etheridge | 5-11, 206, So., 1V
11 Mike Slade | 6-2, 189, Fr., RS
26 Mike McNeil | 6-2, 201, So., 1V
17 Jonathan Vickers | 6-2, 216, Sr., 3V

Special Teams

18 Wes Byrum | 6-1, 220, So., 1V
1 Zach Kutch | 5-9, 172, Jr., 2V
37 Morgan Hull | 6-2, 187, So., 1V
21 Ryan Shoemaker | 6-0, 192, So., 1V
23 Patrick Tatum | 6-2, 213, So., 1V
18 Wes Byrum | 6-1, 220, So., 1V
60 Robert Shiver | 6-3, 220, Jr., 1V
63 Rick Cherry | 6-2, 233, So., SQ
86 John Cubelic | 6-0, 201, So., SQ
9 Tristan Davis | 5-10, 217, Sr., 3V
1 Brad Lester | 5-11, 198, Sr., 3V
82 James Swinton | 6-0, 178, Sr., 3V
6 Walter McFadden | 6-0, 180, Jr., 2V
3 Robert Dunn | 5-11, 178, Sr., 3V
9 Tristan Davis | 5-10, 217, Sr., 3V
23 Chris Slaughter | 6-3, 179, So., 1V

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Sir Charles is not a fan of the Fake Christians

way to go Republicans. you lost the only cool black dude who was ever a member of your party.

tell em Chuck.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

An Open Letter To Jake Plummer and his Mustache part 2

Dear Jake Plummer,

My name is Justin Robinson. I am an unfortunate and tragic fan of the Atlanta Falcons. You may or may not have heard, but currently our franchise qb is in prison. and we just went through a season where Joey Harrington and Byron Leftwich were our best options. as it stands i think Chris Redman was our last starting qb (yeah i don't know who that is either). our coach quit and took the Arkansas job and we hired some guy i've never heard of. apparently there are some people in the Falcons organization who would like to waste our first round draft pick on some QB who played for Boston College last year named Matt Ryan. i believe this to be some kind of an evil conspiracy being created by the elitist East Coast Media trying to push an overrated college qb who threw 19 interceptions on my poor Falcons so that we remain the laughing stock of the league. We were just wondering if it would be at all possible to get you to come out of retirement and get Tampa Bay to trade you north to Atlanta. I have followed your career since your senior year at Arizona State where you lead the Sun Devils to a Rose Bowl appearance. You were one of the most exciting players in college football. Running around like a fool and making amazing plays and earning the nickname Jake The Snake (well that was already someone else's name...but who cares). Bill Walsh even called you "the next Joe Montana". unfortunately you spent your early years in the NFL tearing it up for the Cardinals and performing amazing feats such as throwing a pass with your left hand and getting leveled by linebackers after your 4th interception of the game. but still you were totally awesome to watch and if i am gonna be asked as a fan of the Falcons to endure another losing season, I'd at least like to have a QB behind center who could make me care about the fact that yeah we were gonna lose...but goddamnit we were gonna fucking lose with some style. Jake Plummer, Atlanta Needs You. And Your Mustache.


your pal,


Peace Out, Castro

like all good ballplayers who have outlasted their usefulness Castro has finally "retired" (read that as forced out of power for lack of production...there's no DH for world leaders) and so we salute the man who has brought us the most dominate baseball team in the world during international play with the list of some of the greatest Cuban baseball players ever.

the top 5
1. Tony Perez
2. Tony Oliva
3. Rafeal Palmeiro
4. Jose Canseco
5. Minnie Miñoso

best of the rest
Jorge Posada
Livan Hernandez
Luis Gonzalez
Danny Tartabull
Mike Lowell
Fernando Viña
Rey Ordonez

Monday, February 18, 2008


as an Auburn fan i am totally saying YES YES YES, but as a fan of college football who saw this kid as being the next Vick (probably a little too literally) i am a little sad to hear that Ryan Perrilloux has been suspended indefinitely by LSU. considering the amount of fucking trouble this kid has gotten into during his 3 years at LSU it would seem that Les Miles may have finally gotten tired of putting all his hopes on an uber talented (if not slightly brain damaged) kid who can't stay out of the dog house and i'm willing to bet that this is probably it for him at LSU. i'm betting he goes and plays for a Division II school and then goes pro or maybe goes and plays in the Arena league for a year before entering the draft...but yeah i think it's pretty much a given that he's not gonna be leading the Tigers to any SEC titles next year...or maybe he will, hell it is LSU.

My Top 10 Football Movies

so football season is over. it's all very depressing. the occupy myself this weekend i ended up watching a marathon of football movies on FX. well marathon might be a strong word, but i did end up watching Friday Night Lights and Any Given Sunday...both great football movies. and that got me thinking, what are my top 10 favorite football movies? this is the list i came up with.

1. Friday Night Lights- easily my favorite football movie of all time. hell it's my favorite sports movie of all time. fuck it's one of my favorite movies of all time.

2. North Dallas Forty- the first realistic football movie that exposed the darkside of pro football. drugs, booze, women, playing hurt, getting screwed by the front office. and nick nolte totally rules.

3. Remember The Titans- black people and white people unite together and fight racism and win a championship. everyone feels better about themselves.

4. Any Given Sunday- the movie that showed jamie foxx could act. a little too flashy for it's own good, but has really awesome football sequences.

5. All The Right Moves- tom cruise as a hot shot highschool prospect trying to get out of his shitty town and go to college. his least gay role ever.

6. The Longest Yard (the original version)- burt reynolds. prison. the 70s. nuff said.

7. Necessary Roughness- it's actually kind of a terrible movie, but i've seen it about 100 times on HBO and it has a special place in my heart because of that. the plot involves a college team being put on probation that results in them getting a one time highschool football legend to come out of retirement in his late 30s and use his college eligibility to come save their team...this idea was so inspiring that Florida State would basically do the same thing with Chris Weinke. also it features Sinbad.

8. Brian's Song- the movie that makes all grown men cry.

9. Varsity Blues- one of my all time guilty pleasures.

10. The Program- although it's totally dated and kinda lame, it's also one of the most realistic movies ever about all the shady shit that goes on at big time college football programs.

also i would like to note that Rudy fucking sucks my balls.

reposted here from my new pointless blog

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Superman 'Dat Hoe

Dwight Howard got his dunk title finally after getting robbed last year. The NBA All Star game is pretty much the only thing the NBA does that i still have any interest in.

hre are some highlights from our evil masters.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Getting Rid Of The Fat

So Atlanta began the purging of overpaid players with salary cap killing contracts today by releasing quarterback Byron Leftwich, pro-bowl tight end Alge Crumpler, tackle Wayne Gandy, and defensive linemen Rod well as a couple of other dudes nobody gives a shit about. with any luck this list will grow to include Keith Brooking and Warrick Dunn after the draft. all in all this is the move in the right direction for a team that desperately needs to start all over following the Vick disaster.

Enjoying the Misery Of Others

so yeah, i still feel shitty about how awesome Alabama's recruiting class was compared to Auburn's. i've spent so many years now not really worrying about Alabama and directing all my hate towards Georgia and LSU that i am completely out of practice hating the Tide. so i decided to post this as a way of making myself feel better. we'll just completely ignore the fact that Auburn also lost to Mississippi State AT HOME this same season.


Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentines Day Auburn Fans

Love and Sports

top 5 most loved athletes by ME during my life.

1. Bo Jackson- the man, the myth, the legend, the reason i root for Auburn and still have a soft spot in my heart for the Royals and Raiders. greatest athlete of all time. career cut short is a perfect example of why it sucks to be me as a sports fan. no matter how awesome the team or player you root for is, you know it's all gonna end in tears.

2. Dale Murphy- the only good player on the Braves during the 80s. my first real sports hero. won 2 mvps and was one of the best players of the 80s, but will never see the hall of fame because he never hit 500 homeruns or won any world series. and he didn't play in new york...which automatically gets you into the hall. a fucking shame.

3. Charles Barkley- greatest Auburn basketball player ever, not to mention one of the greatest players in NBA history, not to mention a funny motherfucker who sucks at golf and gambles all his money away. as much as i always hated Jordan, i equally loved Chuck.

4. John Smoltz- greatest Brave of all time....not named Hank Aaron. Glavine and Maddux may have more wins, but it's Smoltz that i always loved to watch pitch because he was such a badass.

5. Larry Bird- greatest white dude ever in the sport of basketball. i think that earns him a spot on my list. being as that i am a white dude who used to love basketball. not trying to be racial or anything, but it's hard not to root for a guy who looks kinda like your friends dad playing in the NBA and schooling motherfuckers.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

This One Goes Out To Roger Clemens

Clemens is such a douche. i hope that fucker goes down.

"Athlete" Of The Day

fuck Roger Clemens. it's all about Uno the Beagle today. he was the first ever Beagle to win the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. and he's a straight pimp. look at that cute little fucker.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Dreaming Of A Virtual National Title For Next Season

as it stands i am on my 5th season of Auburn football on playstation 2's version of NCAA Football 2007. i've won 4 national titles, have had the number one recruiting class 3 straight years, and had my entire offense line be named All American 5 years running, not to mention all the many awards and trophies accumulated by my skill position players over the years, including 3 Heisman trophy winning running backs in Kenny Irons, Brad Lester, and Ben Tate. but it's time for an upgrade in both game and system. i've gotten 2 good years out of NCAA 07 and 6 good years outta my PS2, but my plan for next football season is to get the XBOX 360 and NCAA Football 2009 where i'll try and lead a young Auburn team to another string of national titles. i look forward to torching the field with the new look Tigers' spread offense and racking up both rushing and passing yards with virtual QB Kodi Burns in his first year as Auburn's starter. if i can get the sorta production out of Kodi as i have with former Video game favorites Pat White and Dennis Dixon then a Heisman trophy seems likely. the main impact players will be Tray Blackmon, Brad Lester, Mario Fannin, and Kodi Burns.

anyways to make the nerdiness of this blog go up next college football season i plan on covering the fake world of videogame college football and all the exagerated stats (like 50 touchdowns passing and 30 a QB and 90 point blowouts against SEC rivals).

and YES, i did just write a post about the video game version of my favorite college football team and what i plan on doing with them next season.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

fuck it

The Name Game

thank god the good old US of A doesn't have the strict naming laws of Denmark or else we'd be without many of these great additions to next year's college football landscape.

THE SEC INCOMING FRESHMAN (if they actually qualify) ALL NAME TEAM

QB Star Jackson BAMA
RB De'Anthony Curtis Arkansas
RB Onterrio McCalebb Auburn
WR Jhyryn Taylor LSU
WR Destin Hood BAMA
TE Nelson Hurst Miss St
OL Dax Dellenbach Auburn
OL Freddie Smooth Auburn
OL Osaze Idumwonyi Kentucky
OL Austin Eoff Arkansas
OL Cordian Hagans LSU

DL Undra Billingsley BAMA
DL Lavunce Askew Arkansas
DL Templeton Hardy Miss St
DL Johnell Thomas Vandy
LB Herman Lathers Tennessee
LB Lerentee McCray Florida
LB Lekenwic Haynes Ole' Miss
DB Bacarri Rambo UGA
DB Khiry Battle Arkansas
DB Neiko Lipscomb Auburn
DB Mike Hunt Miss St.

our De'Cody Fagg winner for name of the year: Bacarri Rambo. how fucking awesome will it be for Dawgs fans when Rambo is out on the field hacking wide receivers arms off with a machete or blowing up QB's with his exploding arrows?!

Friday, February 8, 2008

More Haterade

i'm currently going through football detox at the moment, and with my lack in interest of anything sporting until March, i have a lot of time on my hands and not much to write about (save the pathetic state of Auburn's recruiting class when compared to Alabama and Georgia's). so it's time i put forth another list. i love lists. America loves lists. VH1 has managed to become a network based soley on lists and nostalgia. anyway, lists rule. and so do polls...because polls are basically lists made by sports writers of teams who they think iz rulez. so i will begin countering that with my own list of the top 25 sports teams i fucking hate. we'll call it the Go Fuck Yourself poll.

1. Georgia Bulldogs
2. RedSox
3. New York Yankees
4. Notre Dame Football
5. New England Patriots
6. Chargers
7. Dallas Cowboys
8. Ohio State
9. New York Mets
10. Lakers
11. Duke Basketball
12. New York Giants
13. Phillies
14. Michigan Wolverines
15. Oklahoma (only because of Bob Stoops)
16. Florida State
17. Cubs
18. New York Knicks
19. Florida Gators
20. BAMA
21. LSU
22. Tampa Bay Bucs
23. Philly Eagles
24. Italy in the World Cup
25. Tennessee Vols

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Drinking the Haterade

okay, signing day has come and gone...and unless Auburn secretly recruited Terrell Pryor without anyone knowing about it, then disappointment has got to be my word of the day. and so i think it's time to make myself feel better by reflecting on the top 10 moments of Joy being taken in the misery of others from the 2007 NFL and NCAA football seasons.

10. Oklahoma gets BLOWN THE FUCK OUT by West Fucking Virginia in the Fiesta Bowl. Oklahoma might wanna just pass on any more invitations to go play in the desert. nothing good can come of it. a coachless WV went playstation crazy on the Sooners and scored 48 points, leaving Bob Stoops wondering what the fuck is up with his team in BCS bowls. i think Noel Devine just scored another touchdown.

9. Arkansas goes Hawgwild on LSU. this defeat didn't really end up mattering much in the long run, but for a brief moment all my talk of LSU being totally overrated rang true as Darren McFadden and Arkansas shattered LSU's dreams of a National Title for at least a couple of weeks.

8. Tony Romo chokes on another dick in the playoffs. 2 years in a row and the Cowboys can blame their playoff loss on their overrated QB. T.O. is left in tears. Romo blows. fuck the Cowboys.

7. Stanford over USC. i don't really hate the Trojans, i mean they kicked Auburn's ass twice in '02 and '03...i'm not one of those people who is stupid enough to believe the '04 Tigers would have faired any better but it's always nice to see the big kid on the block get punched in the fucking balls by a nerd now and again. biggest upset in college history, you tell me.

6. Alabama loses to something called the Warhawks. obviously this doesn't hurt things like recruiting.

5. Auburn beats Florida for the second year in a row. Wes Byrum drinks for free. chomp gator chomp.

4. Michigan's two week stretch of losing to Appalachian State and then getting blown out by Oregon. those games pretty much set the tone for the bananas college football season to come. and it's always good to watch Big 10 fans suffer.

3. the entire Notre Dame season was a joy to behold. 3-9 will always be something i'll look back to fondly. but the penacle was them losing to NAVY. Mark May probably almost exploded with joy when that happened.

2. Ohio State loses ANOTHER national title game in blowout fashion to the SEC. the Big 10 in general was pathetic this year, but nothing gives me more joy than watching Ohio State lose to an SEC school and then turn around and watch all the Big 10 homers at ESPN have to eat their words.

1. 18-1. Thank You Giants.

Signing Day Results

The 2008 Auburn Tiger Class

Raven Gray DE 6-4 260 4.6 6.1 Wesson, MS
Jermaine Johnson OL 6-6 309 - 6.1 Chatham, VA

T'Sharvan Bell ATH 6-0 169 4.47 5.8 Kissimmee, FL
DeRon Furr ATH 6-3 212 4.52 5.8 Columbus, GA
Cameron Henderson DE 6-5 240 4.7 5.8 Birmingham, AL
Onterrio McCalebb RB 5-10 154 4.4 5.8 Fort Meade, FL

Darvin Adams WR 6-2 181 4.55 5.7 Kennesaw, GA
Harry Adams WR 6-0 175 4.3 5.7 Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Reggie Hunt RB 5-10 180 4.4 5.7 Daphne, AL
Marcus Jemison ATH 6-2 190 4.56 5.7 McCalla, AL
Neiko Lipscomb DB 6-2 175 4.4 5.7 Tucker, GA
Philip Pierre-Louis ATH 5-10 175 4.4 5.7 Fort Lauderdale, FL
Eric Smith RB 5-10 239 - 5.7 Seffner, FL
Freddie Smooth OL 6-5 300 - 5.7 Baton Rouge, LA
Jomarcus Savage DT 6-2 260 4.6 5.6 Huntsville, AL
Christian Thompson DB 6-1 195 4.6 5.6 Fort Lauderdale, FL
Drew Cole DB 6-0 180 4.41 5.5 Picayune, MS
D'Antoine Hood DB 5-9 185 4.45 5.5 Phenix City, AL
Vance Smith TE 6-4 245 4.8 5.5 Pace, FL
Chris Todd QB 6-2 220 4.7 5.5 Hutchinson, KS
Barrett Trotter QB 6-2 193 4.81 5.5 Birmingham, AL
Andre Wadley DE 6-2 245 4.88 5.5 Hernando, MS

Ken Adams TE 6-4 217 4.65 5.4 Enterprise, AL
Spencer Pybus LB 6-1 200 4.55 5.4 Dothan, AL
Derek Winter WR 6-0 178 - 5.4 Tampa, FL
Dax Dellenbach OL 6-1 220 - 5.2 Ft. Lauderdale, FL
Derrick Lykes DE 6-4 274 4.7 5.2 Clanton, AL
Dashaun Barnes LB 6-2 230 - 4.9 Tallahassee, FL

so Auburn lost out on 3 of their biggest recruits, but ends up a respectable 20th in the nation in recruiting...which stings a little after having a top 10 class last year. the Tigers grab 3 QBs...a position that desperately needs some depth and talent. they also pull in 3 running backs and 3 wide receivers...areas that Auburn already has good talent at but can always use more depth. my guess is that all those kids will be redshirting next year. and then they pulled in several defensive backs with good 40 times. the player i'm most intrigued about in this class has got to be DeRon Furr. he's a 6'3" highschool QB with a 4.5 forty time, which makes him an ideal canidate to either run this new spread offense or possibly play some wide receiver or tight end. Auburn has him listed as an athlete so it remains to be seen where he ends up playing, but the video i've watched of this kid makes him look better than last years freshman QB Kodi Burns. more than likely Furr is gonna redshirt, so it may be a few years before we know what he can do. all in all it's not really the kind of recruiting class to get you that excited, it really feels more like this class is just adding depth and i wouldn't expect any of these kids to see major time next year other than Raven Gray and Jermaine Johnson and then the junior college transfer QB Chris Todd...who may very well end up being Auburn's starting QB next year if Burns falters.

okay, that's the sugarcoated version of what happened. the real deal rolls out that Alabama fucking kicked Auburn's ass in recruiting this year. beating Auburn head to head for 7 players including all the top players in the state. WTF?

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Roll Tide, Indeed

well Fuck! Alabama lands the #1 recruting class in the nation (that doesn't count as a national title, Tide fans). that Nick Saban guy might have a future just yet. Notre Dame finishes number 2 and Florida rolls in at number 3. Auburn finds themselves dropping all the way to 20, no thanks to Enrique Davis who will be playing for Houston Nutt and Ole' Miss. Such mighty powerhouses as Minnesotta, Texas A&M, and Colorado beat the Tigers. all of this means fuck all really, the kids can either play or they can't. but you gotta feel like Alabama is definently back, as a Tiger fan let's hope all those 4 and 5 stars also come with serious baggage, discipline problems, and the desire to transfer suddenly and without warning.

if you can't beat 'em on the field, then beat 'em off it

Alabama is currently CRUSHING Auburn today in recruiting. Bama just landed Mr. Everything Wide Receiver and "Next Calvin Johnson" Julio Jones. let's hope he doesn't live up to all that hype. Auburn better make it 7 in a row this year and then hope Saban gets tired of this Alabama shit and splits town, because anymore recruiting smackdowns like this and Auburn might be on the end of some losing streaks of their own.

some BAMA fan made a top prospects youtube video. enjoy your future MB.

Signing Day Insanity

the college football universe is waiting with baited breath at the decisions of highschool seniors on what teams they will be letting down after coming in with insane hype and more stars than the milky way. Uber-Recruit Terrell Pryor is most likely not gonna make a commitment today, as he has not yet had his fill or booze and pussy being shoved in his face. the biggest pieces today will be Julio Jones and Darrell Scott...although don't be surprised if everybody just signs with USC at the last second. Pete Carroll stock piles 5 star recruits like your average Montana militia stockpiles weapons for the coming race wars.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Berman Going Apeshit

everyone and their mom has seen this. but i just like to watch it on a daily basis, so i'm reposting it here for quick reference.

Final Countdown to Motherfucking Signing Day

it's the day before the most important day of the college football year, besides rivalry weekend and New Years. where's Terrell Pryor going? is Julio Jones sticking with Bama? is Florida gonna end up with the number one recruiting class again? will Auburn be able to lure back Enrique Davis? so many questions. and apparently there is some voting going on today as well. just thought you might wanna know.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Carl sums it up

How Many Kids Who Were Born In New York Today Do You Think Are Being Named Tyree?

after making one of the top 5 greatest cathes in NFL History, David Tyree went from random ass wide receiver on the Giants squad to Legend with one play. it must be pretty awesome to be him right now. i hope Eli bought him a fucking pony after last night.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Eli!!!! Holy Fucking Shit!

if i never watched another football game again for the rest of my life, i'm not sure i'd see one as fucking amazing as this one. (okay that's totally bullshit because the USC/Texas National Title was the best game ever) but seriously, what can you even say? that play Eli made where he escaped the sack and threw a completion to David Tyree might be the most amazing play i have ever seen in a game in my whole life.

The Patriots continue the tradition set by the '05 USC Trojans of being named the greatest team of all time by ESPN before the championship game and then getting beaten. 18-1 has gotta fucking sting like hell for a team with such a fucking huge ego. honestly i had zero rooting interest in this game. i hate the Giants under most any other circumstance, but you gotta root for Eli against THE ROAD TO PERFECTION. The Patriots go down as the team that choked. Brady loses some of his shine. Amazing. Awesome. Best Super Bowl ever. Holy Fucking Shit!

oh yeah...Bill Belichick is a classless douchebag. Eat a Dick you charmless asshole. Karma is a bitch, motherfucker!


What's so Super About The Super Bowl?

ugggh the Fox coverage of this Superbowl is beyond annoying. we've got Ryan Seacrest doing some kind of red carpet bullshit, we've got alicia keys in snow leopard pants with back up dancers. Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta are here, and no not for a Pulp Fiction reunion. if i see another fucking Jumper promo then i am gonna go jum off my roof. getting excited about the Super Bowl commercials is quiet possibly the lamest thing possible. i'm already sick of this game and it's still an hour away. fuck this shit.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

the kids don't stand a chance

the Super Bowl is tomorrow, and nobody cares...except ESPN, Patriots fans, and a few New Yorkers who have false hope that the Giants could win. what an afterthought to a pretty lousy year of football. if anything the anticlimax of both and NFL and College post-seasons has reminded me that i used to have other interests namely movies and music. and so with the Oscar's rushing down upon us i have decided to post my top 10 movies of 2007.

1. No Country For Old Men- bleak as fuck. unrelenting. violent. best movie villian since Darth Vader. the Cohen’s are at the top of their game. this better win best picture.

2. Control- the best musical biopic ever. looks amazing. wonderfully acted. emotional. reminded me why Joy Division is one of my favorite bands of all time.

3. There Will Be Blood- Daniel Day Lewis gives the best acting performance of the year. it seems obvious that he’ll be walking away with the best actor Oscar. Paul Dano is great as the creepy preacher. and PT Anderson makes Oil and Religion at the turn of the century into some interesting ass shit to watch on film.

4. The Darjeeling Limited- Wes Anderson has been making the same movie over and over again. he’s basically become the new Woody Allen. great soundtrack. Adrian Brody is the man. plus Natalie Portman’s ass. what’s not to love?

5. Zodiac- i love serial killer movies when they are done well and despite the fact that you KNOW they aren’t gonna catch the killer this still ended up being the best suspense movie of the year. too bad it came out back at the beginning of the summer and got completely forgotten during awards season.

6. Knocked Up/Superbad- i hate to lump these together, but they really are kindred spirits…and not just because it was the year of Jud. these movies are both basically about the same thing. growing up fucking sucks, but it sure as shit can be made funny with enough dick and fart jokes.

7. Juno- i’ll go ahead and call it the worlds first twee pop movie. it was so fucking precious that Kindercore shoulda put out the goddamn soundtrack. Dan and Ryan, you guys fucked up. i thought it was cute and funny and not at all worthy of all these Oscar nominations it’s getting. we’ll call it the Little Miss Sunshine effect. i fully expect a cute little feel good indie to get nominated the next few years until the genre is tired and old. it’s actually kind of funny to me that the only movie nominated for best picture this year that isn’t bleak as hell is the little indie movie. i guess the times are a changin’.

8. Grindhouse- the most fun i had at a movie all year. the fact that it bombed proves how fucking stupid everyone has gotten in America. the fact that these were broken up into two seperate movies for DVD and without the fake trailers is a crime against movie fans.

9. Hotfuzz- lampoons and also pays homage to one of the greatest genre’s of all time, the buddycop movie and ends up being a pretty awesome movie all the same.

10. 30 Days of Night- best vampire movie since Lost Boys. gory as fuck. totally ruled.

honorable mentions- Wristcutters: A Love Story, 3:10 to Yuma, Eagle vs Shark, and Sunshine (best Sci-Fi movie of the year)

Friday, February 1, 2008

Party On Dude

Super Bowl Sunday is nearly here. i'll be gettin' my drank and my eat on with the Bamarealist and his guests, running sidebets with Kenny, listening to jeff's dick jokes, and hopefully enjoying a close football game. since i don't give a fuck who actually wins i've decided to play a game of chance. if the Giants win the Super Bowl then i am shaving off my beard. also i am giving up fast food for 2 months. other than that i really could give a shit. my predicition, Patriots 38 Giants 20. Brady MVP with 3 touchdowns, 1 to Moss, 2 to Welker. perfect season. greatest team ever. blah blah blah