Saturday, November 29, 2008

Horse Shit

well that sucked. A LOT.

i think Bama just scored again.


6 years was fun while it lasted.

good luck against them Gators.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Suicide Watch, Iron Bowl 2008

well it's almost here...

where to begin? As you may have heard, Auburn and Alabama are playing in the annual Iron Bowl tomorrow. and you may have heard that Alabama is the number 1 team in the nation playing for a shot at the BCS title. they've already wrapped up the SEC West and they're looking to stay perfect by knocking off their arch rivals. you may have heard that Auburn has won 6 straight Iron Bowls and dominated the series for the last 25 years (15 to 10 in the last 25 and 8 to 1 in this decade). you may have heard that Bama is back and Auburn is done...that they've got the best damn coach in the nation and ours is one game away from being fired. you may think Auburn's dominance is all over now. maybe it is. but you can never count on anything when it comes to a rivalry.

i'm not gonna be a homer. i know the odds are stacked against the Tigers. Alabama has a ferocious defense and one of the best running games in the nation. they're bigger and stronger than Auburn on both sides of the ball and have more talent on both lines. Auburn is wrapping up their worst season in a decade and has been a schizophrenic mess on offense all year. the defense has played their ass off but is just too banged up and too young all over the place. Tuberville might very well be coaching his final game for Auburn and the Tide would love nothing more than to send the man who has dominated them for a decade on his way with a crushing blowout. i'm willing to bet that if you asked a Tide fan if they could have either a national title this season or a blowout of Auburn but just one over half would choose beating the Tigers (it's been so damn long for them). on paper this game probably shouldn't even be close. Alabama should easily win by 3 touchdowns. Kodi Burns should be ripped apart and fed to Terrence Cody and the Tide fans should FINALLY get a win in the Iron Bowl in their own stadium. but it's a rivalry you never know.

there's really no point in breaking down the game. stats don't matter. it's David vs. Goliath and Goliath wants payback and he wants it bad.

Tuberville, do you have any magic left in those giant ears? do you have one last stand in your bag of tricks? is the SEASON OF DEATH going to end with one last nail in your coffin? are Auburn fans heading for dark days where we can look forward to being passed by the likes of Arkansas and Ole Miss while Alabama returns to dominance? is it all over now? i hope the answer to all those questions is, "hell fucking no".

War Damn Eagle, Auburn. War Damn Eagle, forever.

potential for tragedy: 10, it's the Iron Bowl baby and records aside it's always a code red. but Bama handing Auburn a losing season and getting their coach fired with one fell swoop might be too much for most Auburn fans to handle.

method of suicide: stare down that tank and take it like a man.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thankful For The Iron Bowl

it's thanksgiving today so i'm showing my thanks to my favorite Iron Bowls ever.

1. the most important Iron Bowl of my life. 1989. the first ever one at Auburn.

2. 1993. Nix to Sanders to save the perfect season. too bad it wasn't on TV.

3. 1986 Iron Bowl. The Tillman Reverse.

4. Honk If You Sacked Brodie. 2005.

5. 2004 Iron Bowl. The Undefeated Season. Cadillac GO Crazy.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Brandon Cox, We Salute You

Oh Brandon Cox, i never thought i'd miss you so quickly. sure you were a statue in the pocket and you loved nothing more than throwing interceptions against the hated Bulldogs...but when it came to Iron Bowls you were the man. i may have cursed your name more than any Auburn QB ever (although Chris Todd may have done a pretty damn good job of catching up in a way shorter time) but you were 3-0 against the Tide and to Auburn fans that's all that will ever really matter.

Monday, November 24, 2008

College Football Pick Em, Week 14

Week 14
Thursday November 27
1: Texas A&M @ Texas- TEXAS

Friday November 29
2: West Virginia @ Pittsburgh- WV
3:Mississippi State @ Ole Miss- Ole Miss
4:LSU @ Arkansas- LSU
5:Colorado @ Nebraska- Neb
6:Fresno State @ Boise State- Boise
7:UCLA @ Arizona State- UCLA
Saturday November 29
8: Florida @ Florida State University- FLA
9:Georgia Tech @ UGA- Tech
10: Syracuse @ Cincinnati- Cinci
11:Maryland @ Boston College- Maryland
12:North Carolina @ Duke- UNC
13:Miami @ NC State- Miami
14:South Carolina @ Clemson- Clemson
15:Virginia @ Virginia tech- Tech
16:Baylor @ Texas Tech- Tex Tech
17:Auburn @ Alabama- AU
18:Kentucky @ Tennessee- Tenn
19:Oregon @ Oregon State- Or St
20:Vanderbilt @ Wake Forest- Wake
21:Notre Dame @ USC- USC
22:Washington State @ Hawaii- Hawaii
23:Kansas @ Missouri- Mizzou
24:Oklahoma @ Oklahoma State- Ok
25: Houston @ Rice- Rive
Tiebreakers(Total Points)
A: Auburn @ Alabama 31
B: Georgia Tech @ UGA 65
C: Florida @ FSU 70

Someone Has To Step Up

sometimes in a rivalry game you have to get help from one of your least likely say a white?!?!? freshman runningback who rushed for 126 yards in the 2002 Iron Bowl and helped the Tigers pull off a shocking upset. Tre will always be a legend to Auburn fans.

so Mario Fannin, Ben Tate, Eric Smith, Brad Lester, and Tristan guys are all on notice.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Thank You, Sir. May I Have Another?

Don't Take A Sword To A Gun Fight.

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25, Week 13

1. Alabama
2. Florida
2. Texas
2. Oklahoma
5. USC
6. Texas Tech
7. Penn State
8. Utah
9. Ohio State
10. Boise State
11. Missouri
12. Georgia
13. Ball State
14. Oklahoma State
15. TCU
16. Cincinnati
17. Oregon State
18. Northwestern
19. Georgia Tech
20. Florida State
21. Michigan State
22. BYU
23. Pittsburgh
24. Boston College
25. Ole Miss

fuck it. i'm giving Texas, Oklahoma, and Florida a 3 way tie for 2nd. maybe some sort of a playoff could sort this out...or perhaps if we just let Texas and Oklahoma replay one another in the Big 12 championship then everything would be more simple. Texas Tech will have to settle for kicking Ole Miss or LSU's ass in the Cotton Bowl. that shit will be ugly.

Saturday, November 22, 2008


Notre Dame just lost to Syracuse. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!

when you're having as shitty a season as me you gotta get your pleasure somewhere.

so a good question, what is the more desirable job to a big time coach...Notre Dame (when they shit can fat Charlie) or Tennessee?

7 just sounds better than 6

Tubby still hopes it's a lucky number. me too.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Get Your Guns Out Captain

with the Iron Bowl still a week away and the majority of the rivalry games this weekend looking like one-sided affairs i will be paying very close attention to what goes down in Norman. honestly i'm hoping for the kind of 70-69 shootout that would be the envy of a playstation. the kind of game where no defense is even necessary and the QBs arms become so tired from tossing touchdown passes that they are rendered useless after the game. and i'll be rooting hard for the Good Captain Leach and his marry band of Pirate Footballers because honestly i don't wanna see what kind of a shitstorm will be created if The Sooners knock off Texas Tech...and also i don't wanna see the Red Raiders have to settle for going to the Cotton Bowl if they lose because the BCS Bowls would fall all over themselves to take Oklahoma and Texas in ahead of Tech. so go on out their Mr. Harrell and Mr. Crabtree and do what you boys like to do, drop 60 something points on Bob Stoops ass and save everyone the trouble of having to watch the Sooners choke away another BCS game.


THAT is how you whip some ass.

Because "Punt Bama Punt" Is Forever

the original Beamer Ball.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Do It For Chuck

because he's probably got money on the game.

Dick Joke Alert.

stole this link from Joe Cribbs. Two Dicks are better than one, i suppose.

Auburn Dynasty Mode, Week 12

another loss for Auburn in reality that i must make up for in my imaginary world of video game dominance. a world where Kodi Burns is a Heisman candidate and the Spread Eagle offense not only works, it's the best damn offense in the country (or at least top 5).

Week 12 finds my Tigers ranked #3 in the country, undefeated and facing a 1 loss Georgia Bulldog squad ranked #9 in the nation and looking to get back into the BCS picture. This one was close for about 1 possession. cuz that's all it took Kodi Burns to hit Rod Smith for an 80 yard bomb and take a 7-0 lead. from that point on the Tigers completely dominated both sides of the ball and cruised to a 41-17 win.

Burns continued his Heisman campaign with 3 passing touchdowns and 1 rushing score and over a 100 plus yards both rushing and passing. Rod Smith hauled in 4 catches for 116 yards and 2 touchdowns and Ben Tate added 66 yards and 1 rushing score of his own.

the defense held Knowshon Moreno to just 17 yards rushing on 14 carries and sacked Matt Stafford 4 times and intercepted him twice.

so Auburn sits 11-0 in my Dynasty Season with only a 1 loss Alabama team standing in their way of the SEC title game.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Another Reason Not To Fire Tuberville

as if 6 wins over your chief rival and a consistent top 25 program (minus the clusterfuck that was the 2008 season) it's also a bad idea to fire a coach when you've got one of the nation's top recruiting classes (rated 10th by lined up for next season. apparently the big 4 star offensive recruits of QB Ray Cotton, tight end Philip Lutzenkirchen, and Runningback Ontario McCalebb are all still committed to the Tigers. which is good news, because it's likely that a lot of freshman will be seeing time on next year's squad. but nothing can fuck up a good recruiting class better than shit-canning your headcoach, so think about you trustee cocksuckers before you send the large eared one packing.

in other Auburn news, tight end Tommy Trott is having season ending knee surgery. great, it's not like he's one of our best receivers or anything.

Sam McGuffie says "peace out" to Michigan

so my favorite youtube sensation and the Enimem of college runningbacks, Sam McGuffie is taking his 4 star rated ass and jumping ship from the spreadtastic suckfest of Michigan. apparently it's transfer city for the Wolverines right now. McGuffie will probably end up at Florida or USC buried on the depth chart and wondering why he didn't just go to Texas in the first place. regardless of what happens to the guy, Knowshon Moreno's got nothing on his cracker ass.

Bo Knows Over the Top

Bo Knew Beating Bama.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Let the Countdown Begin

let's hope the quest for 7 (Aka the quest to save Tubby's job) has a little of this going on in it for the Tigers.

Momma's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Rely On Dallas Cowboys To Win Their Fantasy League

my misery is 3 for 3. Auburn loses a heartbreaker, the Falcons lose a close one, and now my fantasy team (barring some miracle by Jamal don't count on it) is set to lose their 3rd game in a row.

the Thug Apologists sink might as well be coach by Sylvester Croom.

it's all over now, baby blue.

fuck Romo, fuck T.O., fuck Darren McFadden's toes, fuck Favre, fuck Jamal Lewis, fuck Roy Williams and Deuce, fuck em all.

i miss Purple Jesus. you were my fantasy heart & soul.

College Football Pick Em, Week 13

it should be noted that i am fucking terrible at my pick em and that i'm somewhere in the bottom 4 among 20 something people. to say i suck would be a major understatement.

5: ARMY @ RUTGERS- Rutgers
19: BYU @ UTAH- Utah
23: FSU @ MARYLAND- Maryland

Sunday, November 16, 2008

SEC vs. Big 12 still looking like a lock

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25, Week 12

1. Alabama
2. Texas Tech
3. Florida
4. Texas
5. USC
6. Oklahoma
7. Penn State
8. Utah
9. Ohio State
10. Boise State
11. Missouri
12. Georgia
13. Ball State
14. Oklahoma State
15. TCU
16. BYU
17. Michigan State
18. Cincinnati
19. Pittsburgh
20. Oregon State
21. Miami
22. Maryland
23. Northwestern
24. Boston College
25. LSU

- Bama and Florida kill some ghosts and keep the course.
- Texas stays in the race. Colt still looking Heisman worthy.
- Utah and BYU in the battle of who supported Prop 8 the most will be an epic clash.
- the ACC stays a shitstorm
- the Beavers are totally crashing the BCS party.

Yes They Did

yes you can, Vandy. yes you can.


they have their revenge.

26 fucking years and Vandy is finally going bowling. a black president and a Vanderbilt bowl trip...America is ready for some motherfucking change for sure. i'm all for it. i've been rooting for the 'Dores to get bowl eligible for so long they feel like my team. congratulations nerds. you deserve it.

The Sorrow Continues

Georgia 17 Auburn 13

...and so it goes.

what can i really even say about this game? this was possibly the best effort this Auburn team has given all season. they were outgunned and overmatched by a superior team and they still had every chance in the world to win this one. it came down to the final play with Auburn in the redzone with a chance to win it. that's all you ever really can ask for. but still we came up short. but a loss is a loss, i don't care how good they played. 3 in a row to the Bulldogs is hard to take and with the painful season this team has endured a chance like that to beat one of your biggest rivals at home and get bowl eligible and come up just short....that's like a dagger in your heart. and so it goes.

the offense did all it could. Kodi played possibly the best game of his young career and just proved over these last several games that he should have been the guy all season. Montez Billings...where you been all year dude? Ben Tate, i had no idea you could actually move like that. and Mario Fannin...goddamn if you aren't full of talent, talent that's been wasted all year as Brad Lester and Ben Tate have gotten the bulk of the carriers. i've got faith in you next season for sure. those 4 players all get free drinks on me...yet it wasn't enough. No, the Dawgs win another and Auburn is one step closer to a losing season. and Tuberville is one game closer to being fired.

finally i would just like to announce my support of Mathew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno in leaving school early to pursue careers in the NFL. really, guys...go for the cash. college is totally overrated. go make that money while you're still young. please.

fucking Georgia. and so it goes.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Suicide Watch, Week 12

Yep, it's that time of the college football season...The Deep South's Oldest Rivalry goes down tomorrow as the Dawgs travel to the Plains to take on Auburn. by far my favorite rivalry game of all...yes even more so than the Iron Bowl. it's one of the closest rivalries in all of sports with Auburn holding a 53-50-8 lead in the series. Georgia has taken the last two meetings in lopsided blowouts thanks to Brandon Cox constant hookups with Georgia defensive backs in 2006 and the Souljaboy Blackout Of Doom last year.

when i looked at this game on the schedule at the beginning of the season i thought this would be a matchup of top 10 teams both trying to get into the SEC or National Title games, what with UGA's star backfield and Auburn's dominate defense and new spread offense. how'd that work out for either team? oh yeah, not so well. Georgia has shat the field in both of their high profile showdowns with top 10 schools and Auburn has been a complete and total disaster all season, and so instead of a top 10 matchup we are left with a merely good Georgia team facing off with a very poor Auburn squad in a downward spiral to oblivion.

it's hard to get really excited about this game this year. as an Auburn fan it seems inevitable that the Dawgs will hand the Tigers their 6th loss of the season and drive another nail into the coffin for Tommy Tuberville setting him up for Saban to finish the job. the Dawgs have more offensive firepower than the Tigers with actual NFL talent at runningback, quarterback, and wide receiver. Auburn has some kind of a mishmash of spread, i formation, and just plain ugliness on offense. Quarterback Kodi Burns has been Auburn's only real weapon all season with his ability to run the football...unfortunately it's his passing that should have Georgia licking their chops as he comes into this game with only 1 touchdown passing and 7 interceptions. he is second on the team in rushing with 377 yards and 5 touchdowns and one would assume if he'd been the starter this entire season those numbers might be a little better. the receivers haven't exactly been helping him out though. dropped passes have been a theme for the year with only tight end Tommy Trott and senior receiver Rodgeriqus Smith providing much consistency. the running game has been the real question mark this entire season. back in the spring it seemed like the Tigers were set to have one of the better backfields in the nation with veterans Brad Lester and Ben Tate both returning and speedster Tristan Davis finally getting healthy. unfortunately the new spread offense has caused major problems for both the running backs and offensive lineman. Auburn finds itself 6th in the SEC in rushing, 9th in passing, and 10th in yeah the spread has been a might have heard something about that.

the one advantage Auburn may actually have is the play of both team's defenses. as bad as Auburn is on offense, the Dawgs might actually be worse on defense. Georgia is currently 11th in the league in scoring defense, 10th against the pass, and 9th in total defense. on the flipside Auburn has the 4th best scoring defense (giving up only 16.3 per game), 4th in pass defense, 4th in sacks, and 2nd in 3rd down conversion percentage (allowing less than 28 percent of all 3rd downs to be converted), and they only given up 4 rushing touchdowns all season. unfortunately the defense has been a M.A.S.H. unit this season with major injuries everywhere. during the Auburn losing streak the once ferocious defense has been largely made up of second teamers and true freshman. also the lack of production by the offense has kept the defense on the field for most of the game which has resulted in some of their 2nd half meltdowns (most notably the West Virginia game). but the news out of Auburn is that most of the defensive line should be healthy and able to play this game...including starting tackles Sen'Derrick Marks and Tez Doolittle.

do i expect Auburn to win this game? no. would it shock me if they were able to pull off the upset? not really. historically the lower ranked team often wins this game. and with UGA not playing for much more than pride at this point, they seem ripe for an upset. Georgia has been one of the more overrated teams in the nation all season and their shitty defense has had major problems when facing athletic QBs who can run the ball...hey, i think Auburn has one of those this year. even with the trainwreck of an offense that Auburn has been all season one would hope that they might be able to exploit one of the weakest defenses in the nation and get some goddamn fucking points. if Auburn can pull out a win they will have to stop the run...and if you watched the West Virginia or Ole Miss or LSU games then you might have noticed that can become a problem for the Tigers in the 2nd half of games. they'll also need to keep the score low. i'm thinking 20-14 would be the score if Auburn can upset Georgia.

of course i wouldn't be at all surprised if we saw the Dawgs chew up the Auburn front seven all afternoon long and Knowshon rush for about 200 yards and 3 touchdowns in a route. If that happens you might not see me ever again as i will have found a nice bridge to go jump off of. regardless i hope it's a good game. something like the 2005 edition that saw both schools trade scores all game long before Brandon Cox pulled off the miracle 4th and forever conversion that set up the game winning score. if that happens i might just smile about my Tigers again. at least until the Iron Bowl.

potential for tragedy: 10. even though i'm more confident about Auburn's chances after watching what Kentucky was able to do to the Dawgs last weekend, i'm not crazy. Georgia is the better team and should win easily.

method of suicide: when you're a house divided the natural choice to die is to burn your home down with yourself and your loved ones inside.

all shittalking aside, i do hope to watch this game with some of my fellow college football loving fans tomorrow who just happen to root for those goddamn Dawgs...even if it's an early game (seriously 12:30?!! that should tell you just how not a big deal this game is this year). rivalries are no fun if you can't enjoy them with your rivals.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Have Only Hate In My Heart For The Fucking Dawgs

it's the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry this week. Auburn vs. Georgia...aka my favorite rivalry game of all. having grown up in the state of Georgia as an Auburn fan and currently calling Athens my home gives the Dawgs a slight edge over Alabama in terms of full of loathing and hatred. i will at times root for the Tide when they are playing a common foe or a non-conference team, but it is nearly impossible for me to wish anything but ill-will on Georgia. maybe it's the completely obnoxious fanbase or maybe it's the fact that the series is so damn close historically or maybe it's the fact that UGA has completely destroyed Auburn the past few years...but my hate couldn't possibly be any higher than it is right now. with Auburn having such a terrible season i've had to find my joy in the misery of others. thankfully the Dawgs have given me my top 2 joyous moments of the season with their nationally televised beatdowns at the hands of both Alabama and Florida. unfortunately it feels highly unlikely that Auburn will be able to hand the Dawgs a third asswhiping this season...what with their offense being shitty and all. nope it's looking more likely that Georgia will be handing Auburn their 3rd straight loss in the series and helping drive one of the final nails into Tommy Tuberville's coffin.

i only ask that all my Georgia friends hold nothing back this week. talk as much shit to me as you please. tell me my fucking team sucks and how bad you are gonna whip our ass. believe me, i can take it. besides you won't be telling me anything i don't already know. so give me your worst...because if Auburn can pull a victory out of their ass i will be talking more shit than you can imagine.

A Five Star Rating From Rivals Is Worth About 7 Bucks an Hour

So apparently Tray Blackmon's career at Auburn might be over. i know i did call him the most overrated player on Auburn's roster and i think his lack of size and his inability to stay healthy probably would keep him out of the NFL, but seriously...he's gonna quit football and get a part time job? i mean i get that he's got kids and shit and i'm sure he was hoping to have a big season and then make the jump to the NFL, but i never anticipated his career at Auburn would end like this.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Bama Is Coming

just looking ahead to the Iron Bowl a few weeks early.

Auburn is totally gonna pelt the Tide with rocks. it'll work. i'm sure of it.

Auburn Dynasty Mode, Week 11

Auburn takes their undefeated record back home to host Tennessee-Martin for Homecoming. this one was over before kickoff. Auburn scored on the first play of the game with an 85 yard touchdown run by Tristan Davis. they then caused a fumble on the kickoff to TN-Martin and that set up a 30 yard touchdown scramble by Kodi Burns and before a full minute had even gone off the clock Auburn was up 14-0...if only real football was this easy for my Tigers.

Kodi Burns lit up the Skyhawks for 285 yards passing and 4 touchdowns. he added another 108 yards and 1 score on the ground launching himself back into the Heisman race. even the backups got into the passing attack as Chris Todd added 2 touchdown passes of his own and Neal Caudle came in late in the 4th and threw a td to Robert Dunn.

Robert Dunn was the real star of the game with 229 yards receiving and 4 touchdowns plus a punt return for a touchdown (giving him 4 on the season). the Auburn ground game was pretty lethal as well combining for 306 yards total and touchdowns scored by Tristan Davis (1), Mario Fannin (2), & Brad Lester (2).

The defense was as dominate as ever with 8 team sacks, 3 forced fumbles, and 1 interception. they held TN-Martin to 55 total yards of offense with 80 yards passing and -25 yards rushing on 24 attempts. Josh Bynes lead the team in tackles with 8 and 2 sacks.

Auburn is now 10-0 and ranked #4 nationally. up next is UGA.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

If We Can't Have A Playoff Can We At Least Get Some Good Bowl Games?

so the season is coming to a close and the national title contenders are moving into position. at this point the top 5 schools in the BCS standings are all from the Big 12 (Texas Tech, Texas, Oklahoma) and the SEC (Alabama & Florida) so one would expect that some combination of those teams will meet in Miami for this year's BCS title game. if i was a betting man i'd say that we are likely to see Florida vs. Oklahoma in the title game. that is assuming that Oklahoma is able to jump a Texas team that beat them with a victory over the Red Raiders that would create a 3 way tie in the Big 12 South. it's crazy to think that 1 of those three schools can do no better than the Cotton Bowl with the ridiculous rule in place that allows no more than 2 schools from any one conference to play in BCS bowls. in a perfect world we'd have 3 Big 12 teams and 3 SEC teams (yeah Georgia still deserves a BCS shot even if they keep getting spanked by all the good teams they play) and the ACC and Big East would get no bids this season. i think most people would rather watch Georgia play Texas Tech in the Orange Bowl over Virginia Tech and Cincinnati...but the current system we have doesn't offer us such a matchup. instead we are likely to get a number of uninspired Bowls like we did last season that will all end in routes.

if things play out like i think they will you are likely to get these bowls.

BIG 12 Champ (probably Oklahoma) vs. SEC Champ (probably Florida)

i'm leaning towards an Oklahoma vs. Florida national title, but you never know. Bama and Texas Tech might both hold their spots and we'll get a true #1 vs. #2 matchup. regardless of what combination of teams we get i expect a good football game and high ratings and hopefully it won't be over by halftime like it has been the last two seasons with Ohio State stinking the place up.

game i'd rather see:
Alabama vs. Texas Tech

not that i think a Florida vs. Texas or Oklahoma game won't be good...but i'd much rather get a matchup of two undefeated teams than two 1 loss teams and all the controversy and whining that comes along with it.


USC vs. Penn State

not a bad game at all. two classic powers from the Big 10 and Pac 10 facing off in a traditional bowl matchup. big time ratings for ABC and a game most people i know would wanna watch. USC would likely kick their asses, but hey at least it's not Illinois. but regardless, i'm good with this game and don't really care to see anyone else involved.


North Carolina (or whoever wins the fucking ACC) vs. Cincinnati or Pitt (Big East champ)

dear god, who the fuck would wanna have to endure such a game? none of these schools are BCS worthy. it would be far more deserving to include a 3rd school from the Big 12 and SEC in a game that would be a pairing of Top 10 schools that would get good ratings. instead we'll get a matchup of schools at the bottom of the top 20 from conferences that don't even deserve an automatic bid this year. and zero interest from fans outside of those schools.

game i'd rather see:
Georgia vs. Texas Tech

The Dawgs and The Red Raiders get their chances to show off to the nation in a shoot out down in Miami. it would be one of 3 BCS matchups (not counting the Cotton Bowl which would likely be Missouri and LSU) between Big 12 and SEC schools and would help decide who the best conference was in the nation. plus this matchup would probably break the score board as the Dawgs can't stop anyone and they should be able to move the ball on the Red Raiders defense.


SEC runner up (probably Alabama) vs. Boise State or Utah

unlike last year's Hawaii team, both Utah and Boise State have played in BCS games and actually won them...but does anyone really think that either of those teams is going to be able to hang with Florida or Alabama in New Orleans? this game would likely be another fucking Sugar Bowl blowout and a missed opportunity to give people a matchup that they'd rather see.

game i'd rather see:
Texas vs. Alabama

instead we could have Alabama face off against Texas in what would amount to a National Title B game.


Big 12 Runner Up(either Texas or Oklahoma) vs. Ohio State

if we get Oklahoma vs. Ohio State then the Buckeyes might actually be able to win a bowl game for once...regardless if Texas Tech doesn't win the Big 12 they will get passed over in Fiesta Bowl for either Texas or Oklahoma because when all things are equal a traditional power has the advantage. and so Texas Tech will find itself in the Cotton Bowl playing LSU more than likely. Ohio State will be too big of a prize to pass over and that will leave out either an undefeated Utah or Boise State team.

game i'd rather see:
UTAH vs. Boise State

if Boise State and Utah were able to face off with one another in a battle of the two most successful non-BCS schools over the past several years in a BCS bowl. the winning school would give their conference a leg up over the Big East when that conference gets booted from the BCS (you know it'll happen soon). this would also be a good audition for these two teams to join the Pac 10 whenever they decide it's time to expand.

but don't forget about this team...

because Oregon State actually controls their own destiny. if they can manage to run the table they will have won the PAC 10 with a tie breaker over USC giving them the automatic Rose Bowl bid. that would leave USC as the sexiest pick of all the available schools for at large bids. and that could throw everything into chaos and end up screwing a team like Utah or Boise State or Ohio State out of a BCS slot.

as for my Auburn Tigers who need an upset win over either Alabama or Georgia to even get Bowl eligible the best they can really hope for is the Independence Bowl. although i'd really like for them to face off with Clemson at the end of the season in a game we'll call the Disappointment Bowl. the winning team gets first crack at a new coach.

Eazy E has had about enough of My Crappy Fantasy Team

The Thug Apologists lose their second straight game in a row (putting us at 4-6 on the season and in 7th place out of 10 teams) and the Romo-Effect is in full swing. that pussy needs to hurry up and get his ass off the sidelines next week before i trade him for some shitty receiver or a backup runningback. this is some fantasy bullshit. we got a black man in the White House but we can't crack a 100 points in a fantasy game with 2 QBs going?!?! what the fuck?! it's time for some drastic action. time to trade Favre. it had to happen sooner or later. if anyone is in my fantasy league and wants that country bumpkin interception machine he's yours for cheep. all i'm asking for is a runningback who can get me about 10 points a week. i'll throw in Jamal Lewis and Matt Jones cocaine lovin' ass for good measure if you can give me a good runningback in return. fucking fantasy football and college pick ems!!! i really don't know what the fuck i am doing and these things are proving that this year.

Monday, November 10, 2008

College Football Pick Em, Week 12...why do i bother?

6:DUKE @ CLEMSON- Clemson
11:UGA @ AUBURN- Auburn
21:ARIZONA @ OREGON- Arizona

Sunday, November 9, 2008


Auburn actually won a football game!!!!

it's been a long time since i could say that. and i witnessed the winning first hand, as i was at the Homecoming game yesterday vs. Tennessee-Martin. to say it was an enjoyable experience would be stretching. Auburn played like shit for most of the first three quarters letting TN-Martin hang around until Kodi Burns suddenly realized he was a lot better at running the ball than he was at throwing it. rushing for 2 touchdowns in the 2nd half and 158 yards total on the ground, leading the Tigers to a 37-20 victory and saving Tuberville's job for at least a few more weeks.

but before the points onslaught at the end of the game, this one felt very much in doubt. Auburn started strong as they have in most of their games this season by scoring a touchdown on the opening kickoff but then Robert Dunn fumbled a punt into the endzone that gave TN-Martin a 7-7 tie. Auburn then kicked a few field goals and got a short touchdown by Brad Lester to take a 20-7 lead. unfortunately TN-Martin was able to score again on a long drive to close out the first half and that's about the time "the fear" started to creep in. i'd seen this game WAY too many times this season and i knew how it usually ended. when the Skyhawks (yes that's really their school's nickname) scored to open the 3rd quarter and tied it up 20-20, i was pretty much assuming Auburn was about to lose for the first time in school history to a DIAA team and that Tommy Tuberville would likely be fired on Monday...but then thankfully Kodi took over on the ground and saved us all the embarrassment and shame of losing to a cupcake school.

there really weren't many positives, if any, to take away from this game. i mean it's good that Auburn FINALLY got a win. they needed it bad. but this really felt like a microcosm of the entire season. the offense looked inept. the kick coverage is awful. the defense was banged up and couldn't get pressure on the QB. the safeties still can't cover anyone. and if you are a QB who is interested in moving the chains, well just look to the middle of the field against the Tigers because it's wide open all fucking day. the only good things that can be said were that WE DID WIN THE GAME...and at this point, even wins over lower division cupcakes should be looked at positively.

some other thoughts about the game.

Tommy Trott has become Kodi Burn's go to receiver. he's got zero ability to make anyone miss, but he's at least able to catch the damn ball and move the chains. if Auburn had a solid QB then i think Trott could be ALL SEC...maybe next season.

Tristan Davis continues to be Auburn's most criminally underused weapon. the guy has the best fucking speed on the team and can take a play for 60 yards anytime he touches the ball. the fact that he hasn't been the starting running back all year is insane. when i look at him taking those kickoffs for touchdowns i see wasted potential. Auburn should have had him the backfield these last four years as a lethal change of pace back for Kenny Irons and as the go to guy this year. i know injuries have slowed him down, but when he has been healthy he's rarely seen any action outside of special teams and as a lead blocker!??!?! are you kidding me. i totally see Davis getting signed to some NFL team as a free agent to return kick offs and then because of injury to a starter will get into an NFL game and have a huge game and people will be asking who the hell he is and where'd he come from and Auburn fans will be kicking chairs and cursing Tuberville's name.

Kodi Burns IS the Future of this Auburn football team. i just don't think that being the QB is the future he should be pursuing. the kid can't throw the football with any accuracy to save his life...but he's got great speed and great moves and is the best damn runner on the team. a simple solution should be made regarding Mr. Burns. turn him into a runningback. he's built like one. he can break tackles and make people miss. he's got a great second gear and he could probably put on a few more pounds of muscle and find himself taking handoffs on Sundays. whoever is coaching this team next year needs to make this happen.

A Pirate's Life For Me

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25 Week 11

1. Texas Tech
2. Alabama
3. Florida
4. Texas
5. USC
6. Oklahoma
7. Penn State
8. Utah
9. Boise State
10. Ohio State
11. Missouri
12. Georgia
13. Ball State
14. Oklahoma State
15. TCU
16. BYU
17. LSU
18. North Carolina
19. Michigan State
20. Cincinnati
21. Florida State
22. Pittsburgh
23. South Carolina
24. Virginia Tech
25. Air Force

- My New Number 1 is the Red Paiders' Pirate Academy. what can a team do against such reckless savagery? Texas Tech is out for blood. that's how pirates do. i wonder what it would be like to have a team that can score 50 points in their sleep? too bad Captain Leach would never be given the Good Ship Auburn in a million years. it would probably end in flames...but it'd be a hell of a lot more fun than the Tuberville show.

- Florida is the HOTTEST TEAM IN THE COUNTRY...or at least that's what every journalist in the country will be saying for the next few weeks until the SEC championship game. nevermind that their are a bunch of other teams playing just as well as the Gators and some of them didn't even have to lose to Ole' Miss to become so damn hot.

-with Penn State doing to the nice thing and losing and getting out of the way, we are almost guaranteed a BIG 12 vs. SEC national title. and i'm all for it. USC will just have to settle for feasting on Penn State in another Rose Bowl blowout.

-if both Utah and Boise State go undefeated i don't think it's fair to leave either of them out of the BCS. both schools have been BCS busters in the past. both teams have WON BCS bowl games. both teams are among the best Non-BCS schools. they'd probably be the 2nd, 3rd or 4th best teams in the The ACC, Pac 10, or Big 10 this season...and they'd out and out win the Big a solution would be to award both of them a BCS matchup (i'm looking at you Fiesta Bowl) with one another to decide who the best Non-BCS school in the nation is with the winning school's conference taking The Big East's automatic bid. just an idea...noone will listen to it of course.

-speaking of the Big East...does anyone want to have to watch Pitt or Cincinnati play the ACC winner in the Orange Bowl? the Horror.

Friday, November 7, 2008

So Whatever Happened to the Greatest College Football Team Ever?

you probably remember the 2005 college football season as USC's run into the record books as the greatest team of all time. ESPN even had a little segment on sportscenter everyday leading up to the title game with Texas where they pitted the 2005 Trojans vs. a collection of the greatest teams in the history of college football and awarded USC victory in every single contest (me thinks the 2001 Hurricanes would have thugged upon those Trojans most viciously). And so USC was crowned the greatest team of all time. obviously someone forgot to tell this to Vince Young. video evidence please.

during that run and in the NFL drafts that followed it has been said by all the experts the USC has the best collection of NFL ready talent of any team in the country. of the players who were on the 2003 & 2004 national title teams...26 of them were drafted. but how many of these great players were actually NFL ready players? and how many of them are even in the league still?

here's a breakdown of players drafted who were on those national title squads. and what teams they were drafted by and what they are currently doing.

2007 Current Status
Dwayne Jarrett Panthers WR sucking
Steve Smith Giants WR plays for Giants
Ryan Kalil Panthers C backup
Dallas Sartz Redskins LB out of the league
Oscar Lua Patriots LB out of the league

Reggie Bush Saints RB finally having his breakout year
Matt Leinart Cardinals QB holding a clip board
Winston Justice Eagles T giving up sacks
Deuce Lutui Cardinals G could possibly be a starter
LenDale White Titans RB fat. scoring touchdowns.
Frostee Rucker Bengals DE sucking
Dominique Byrd Rams TE out of the league
Darnell Bing Raiders DB out of the league
David Kirtman Seahawks RB out of the league
LaJuan Ramsey Eagles DT out of the league
Fred Matua Lions G out of the league

2005 supplemental draft
Manuel Wright Dolphins DT cyring...also out of the league

Mike Williams Lions WR being a big fucking bust. out of the league.
Mike Patterson Eagles DT sucking.
Shaun Cody Lions DT being a bust.
Lofa Tatupu Seahawks LB pro bowler
Matt Cassel Patriots QB for some reason a starting QB.

Kenechi Udeze Vikings DE he's okay...i guess.
Jacob Rogers Cowboys T out of the league
Keary Colbert Panthers WR fine possession receiver. doesn't play much.
Will Poole Dolphins DB out of the league

of this group of players the most successful have been Reggie Bush (who has yet to live up to the hype), Lendale White (a good enough goalline back but not a star by any means), Steve Smith (a nice possession receiver), Matt Cassell (who never started a game in college and looks like a better pro QB than Leinart at this point), and Lofa Tatupu (legit pro bowl player). the rest of these guys have either been dissappointments (Leinart, Winston Justice...just ask any Eagles fan, Shaun Cody, Mike Patterson, etc...) or just complete busts (Mike Williams, Dwayne Jarrett, Frostee Rucker). hell a lot of them aren't even in the league anymore or didn't even make the team they were drafted by.

on the flipside the 2001 Miami Hurricanes had a roster full of NFL players who have been either stars or at least valuable members of the league. i mean just look at their fucking backfield. that would be an awesome fantasy team.

Willis McGahee RB
Clinton Portis RB
Najeh Davenport RB
Frank Gore RB
Andre Johnson WR
Roscoe Parrish WR
Kellen Winslow TE
Jermey Shockey TE
Bryant McKinnie OL
Antrel Rolle CB
Phillip Buchanon CB
Mike Rumph CB
DJ Williams LB
Jonathan Vilma LB
Vince Wilfork DT
Sean Taylor (RIP) S

hell the 2004 Auburn Tigers have more quality players currently starting than the 2004 Trojans do.

as much respect as i have for USC and their ability to kick the asses of most teams they play, i think it's time to get off of the bandwagon when it comes to saying that they have "by far the best talent in the country". they have the deepest talent of recruits for sure...but do they really have the best? i don't really think so.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's Good To See That The Blackouts Still Work For Somebody...

ENOUGH!!!! with the fucking blackouts already. other than UGA's destruction by the Tide, Middle Tennessee State and Utah have both had one this year and neither team has any fucking black in their school colors. whatever, it worked for both of them so i guess i should keep my mouth shut. Utah plays like shit all night and still manages to pull out a win vs. TCU to keep their BCS hopes alive. it'll be a clash of the Mormons at the end of the year vs. BYU to see if they nab one of those at-large bids. honestly i think Boise State and Utah should both get BCS spots if they go undefeated and should play one another in the Orange'd be a lot better than having to watch the ACC champs vs. the Big East Champ.

speaking of the ACC, Va Tech (in the worlds 2nd ugliest jersey of all time) beat the most schizophrenic team in the country aka Maryland to keep that tire fire of a fucktard conference burning. if you told me that Clemson still had a chance of winning the ACC i'd probably believe you. college football on Thursday night is where reality goes to die.

but seriously, someone has to put a stop to Nike and their re-imagining of school uniforms. every Thursday night on ESPN you see some kind of eye rape being rolled out onto the field. me and Kenniebloggins are working on a list of the top 25 ugliest uniforms in college football. it's coming soon.

it should also be noted HOW MUCH I FUCKING SUCK AT COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EMS!!! i got both games wrong and for the season Thursday nights are totally kicking my ass. it's a damn good thing i don't gamble.

Suicide Watch, Week 11

so it's homecoming this weekend for the Tigers. not that they'll probably be feeling very welcome in Auburn this weekend. The Tigers are riding a 4 game losing streak (and 5 losses outta the past 6) and this is possibly their last chance for a win this season with the rivalry games against Georgia and Bama likely to be crushing defeats. never under the Tuberville run has the team's future seemed so completely up in the air.

there's not really a whole lot i can say about Auburn's opponent Tennessee-Martin. they are a Division IAA school with a 7-2 record. they got crushed 56-7 against South Florida in their only matchup vs. a DI school this year. they've scored 56, 63, and 87 points in games this i assume that means they've got a pretty good offense for a DIAA school. wait....87 points!!! are you fucking serious?!! were they playing a highschool team?! and they've got uniforms that look exactly like Auburn's.

a loss to a team called the Skyhawks would be even more embarrassing than Bama's loss to the Warhawks of UL-Monroe last season.

Auburn has injuries all over the place. they've got no kind of offense to speak of. they morale is as low as it could possibly be and the coach is possibly going to be fired at the end of the season...if there was a more perfect way to put the final nail in this season's coffin than to lose a homecoming game to a lower division school then i can't think of one. a loss here would also guarantee that Coach Tuberville would be fired at the end of the year...hell maybe at the end of the game. i have zero faith left with this team...and sadly i'll be in the stands watching this game live. i could be witnessing something historic. it could either be the last win of the Tuberville era or it could be the last loss. regardless you can't call anything a gimme for this team anymore. the only gimmes are that CHANGE is coming to the Plains for 09.

potential for tragedy: 10, yeah i know that this is the biggest mismatch that the Tigers have had all season...but have you actually watched this team play football? until they win a fucking game i don't believe they can beat anyone.

method of suicide: the entire Auburn fanbase shall throw themselves in front of a train.