Friday, August 29, 2008

Suicide Watch (2008) Week 1

It's here! It's here! oh the excitement and anticipation and the fucking overwhelming since of dread fills my soul. FINALLY my weekends will have some meaning again. over the next several months i will punish both my liver and my will to live by enduring false hopes followed up by painful losses, as my Auburn Tigers play their way through the 2008 season.

my Tigers enter this season coming off a 9-4 season, big wins over Florida and Bama, painful losses to LSU and Georgia, and a bowl victory over Clemson. Auburn's switching from power running team to a "throw the ball over the field and hope this shit works" spread offense. the defense is talented. the offensive line is young but battle tested. the running backs are solid. the receivers are big question marks. and nobody even knows who the QB is gonna be. and with that said i'm looking for Auburn to have a possible title year. at the very least i'm banking on a Western Division title and an 11 win season. but expectations and my Auburn Tigers aren't always the best of friends. with that said i begin my weekly segment detailing the pain and misery i endure called Suicide Watch.

Auburn's week 1 opponent comes in the form of a Sun Belt team by the name of the Louisiana Monroe Warhawks...the team that famously upset Alabama last year which sent Auburn fans into a mad fury of laughing and mocking their hated rival's misfortune.

as far as shit teams from the Sun Belt go, ULM is one of the better ones. Phil Steele picks them 3rd in the conference as has a number of their defensive players listed as 1st team Pre-Season all conference. they've got a veteran QB by the name of Kinsmon Lancaster and a speedy receiver in J. J. McCoy. other than that i can tell you exactly nothing about their offense. i don't even know what style of offense they play. this is all so very sad and i feel completely uniformed and unprepared. whatever, they play in the Sun Belt they should be overmatched and Auburn should kick their ass.

the real questions about this game are not really if Auburn will win, but how is their new offense going to perform and how are the new QB's gonna do running it. ideally this game is a blowout and Auburn can get as many of their young players some game experience and get the QB's comfortable with their receivers.

anything less than a 30 point win will be a bit of a disappointment for the Tigers.

potential for tragedy: 2.8, the number is a little higher than i'd normally give a shit team from the Sun Belt but THEY DID beat Alabama and you've got to respect the threat. just ask Saban, hell when Bama lost to the Warhawks he compared it to September 11th. if Auburn somehow loses this game i might never watch football again.

method of suicide: cut your own head off with a chainsaw. it's happened before.

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