TV Party: College Football Is Back!

with the Auburn game on pay-per-view i'll have to spend Saturday watching other people's teams play or else i may go insane. the Auburn game will likely be watched online on ESPN360.com, but what will my television offer me?

here's my drankin' and football watchin' schedule for Saturday August 30th

The Eggs and Bloody Mary Game
Appalachian State at LSU on ESPN Classic 11 AM

the upset of the year last season was App State beating Michigan at the Big House. The Mountaineers are 3 time defending national champs in Division IAA or whatever the fuck it's called. unfortunately they don't get to start their season against a slow ass Big 10 school and instead are the Division I National Champion LSU Tigers first meal of the season. this game will be a complete and total blow out, but i'll still enjoy watching App State QB Armanti Edwards (best name in college football) running around and making some plays. how the hell did so many teams miss on that kid? he's the best running QB in the nation not named Tebow or Pat White and he's one 2 national titles in his first tw years of college football.

The SEC Early I'm So Fucking Hungover And What The Hell Are The Dave's Talking About? Game
Hawaii at Florida on MyATL Tv 12:30 Am

after enduring as much of the asswhiping that LSU is putting on App State i will switch over to my favorite way to wake up on a Saturday as the SEC early game brought to us by the low budget yokels of Raycom sports offers us up Tim Tebow and the Florida Gators. they will reinforce any lingering ideas the Warriors have about playing SEC teams and how it's not very good for their health. last season June Jones dissed Tim Tebow, but he won't be around this season for Tebow to make him eat those words as the Gators mercilessly murder poor Hawaii. hopefully the new Warriors' QB won't suffer the same fate as Colt Brennan...but i expect this one to be over by the 1st quarter.

Finally Some Real Actual College Football Game
USC at Virginia or Utah at Michigan ABC/ESPN2

i'll probably flip back and forth between these 2 games depending on which one is more watchable. i fully expect USC to drag Virginia up and down the field all day, but it's kinda fun watching the Trojans decimate an out of conference opponent early in the year as long as it's not your team. the better game is likely to be Utah taking on Michigan at the Big House. Michigan could be a comedy of errors tomorrow with either a redshirt freshman or a walk-on playing QB. Michigan's talent advantage should still allow them to keep this game interesting and i'd expect them to run the ball as much as possible, but i will not be surprised at all (Hell i fucking Picked It) if Utah beats the Wolverines. Utah is a sub-Top 25 team with a veteran QB and some good skill players, plus Michigan is notoriously weak against teams that run the spread...even if that was the last coaching staff. regardless this could end up being the most entertaining game all day.

the mild distraction game
TCU at New Mexico on Versus 6pm

if the USC/Virginia or Utah/Michigan games are both lousy and i'm desperate for some other options then i may very well check out this match up between two teams that i don't really know or care anything about. TCU always tends to be a pretty good team and i know New Mexico just got put on probation. TCU will probably blow them out, but who knows. i probably won't actually watch any of this...maybe 5 minutes tops.

THE GAME OF THE DAY
Alabama vs. Clemson in the Motherfucking Dome on ABC 8pm

two ranked teams on a neutral field with a shit ton to prove. Bama's young and is looking to lay down the foundation for improvement. Clemson is a top 10 team with a notorious history of choking. two insane fanbases plus an entire day of drinking minus an actual college campus probably means that there are gonne be lots of fights and arrests. i think this will probably be an awesome game. i'm sure i'll be sending MB texts the entire game as he tries to split time between wedding parties and football.

Random Ass Pac 10 matchup that i'll fall asleep while watching in the 4th quarter
Washington at Oregon on Fox Sports Network 10pm

Jake Locker and the Huskies take on Oregon. this is one of those rivalry games that noone outside of the region knows anything about. this could be Washington's big break through if they can pull off the upset. they've got the most talented player in Locker that will be on the field, plus Oregon found out they lost the guy they hoped would be their new starter for the season to a knee injury. i'm sure the Ducks will pull this one out, but you never know. the real reason to watch if you don't care about either of these teams is to check out Locker, who will more than likely be a 1st round draft pick in 2010 and will probably be on my fantasy team some day. unfortunately i'll be too drunk to see how this one ends and will wake up Sunday morning in a pool of vomit wondering what the fuck happened to my Saturday.