Some Random Awesome For Your Thursday

UGA gonna Floss They Capes

so my old man sends me lots of Auburn related junk that he finds on the internet and this is something i got this morning that made me giggle. this is written by a UGA fan about his own current distaste with how things are going for the Dawgs and it's full of the sort of self-loathing and mockery that i enjoy. i'd love to give credit to whoever wrote this but i haven't the slightest idea.

This is a rant to an Auburn fan asking about tickets to the game in Athens. I asked if I should try to get a ticket before I get to Athens....

"I think you should watch the first 5 min of the game from the bridge and

then get a ticket for $3. Here's how I see it shaking out:

- Georgia rushes onto the field w/ black capes this time. Yes, capes. Black

ones.

- Georgia wins toss. Defers to 2nd half. UGA captains skip and zig zag back

to the sideline to "floss they capes"

- UGA Kickoff out of the endzone (thank God)

- 5 play AU touchdown drive. B Evans gives up big play touchdown pass b/c he

stepped on his cape and fell down. Extra Point good.

Reshad Jones does the "Superman" dance off the field laughing the entire way.

- AU Kickoff 8 yards into endzone. We bring it out anyway because, hell,

we're wearing black capes. Tackled at the 12.

- 1st and 10: Toss sweep to Ealey (3yds - really 1, but he gets a bonus 2 for

the black eye patch he's wearing w/ his cape courtesy of Brandon Spikes).

- 2nd and 9: Cox throws ball 3 yards behind AJ's crossing route. AJ makes an

incredible catch as he dives back against his momentum and lays out

hoizontally. He was able to make the catch because he decided against

wearing the stupid f*cking black cape. 5 yard completion. Wait, called back due to the

first of twelve penalties we will have before halftime.

2nd and 19: Draw play to Richard Samuel. Enough said.

3rd and 16: Auburn sends 14 people after Cox. He makes an attempt to throw

the ball out of bounds, but steps on his cape which restricts his cannon of an

arm. His ball comes up 12 yards short of the sideline, but it's up in the

air so long that one of the 14 AU blitzers is able to get under it and haul

it to the endzone for another AU touchdown.

14-0 with 11:48 to go in the first quarter.

- You trade ticket w/ scalper for extra beer in your pocket. You pay him $3

for his cape. "

Top 10 Players Who Should Take The Money and Run, 2010

when it comes to the NFL Draft, i am all for kids leaving school early and getting paid. with this being possibly the last year that rookies are gonna be able to sign ridiculous contracts (a rookie cap is very possible) this might the last chance the get the PAIDEST (word? fuck it, it is now!).

staying in school and being loyal and all that shit sounds nice coming from some people, but most of those people are angry old dudes on messageboards who only live for their college football teams and could care less about you kids making a living some day. i say fuck school. get paid and get laid. those are the only real joys we get outta life anyways. sure you might think it would be fun to give it one more year and try and win and championship or a Heisman trophy or some other dumb shit that doesn't buy you a giant fucking yacht and a summer home but just ask Sam Bradford how that can work out for you.

in fact if you look at QBs who were projected to be 1st round draft picks that decided to go back for one more year almost every single one of them dropped in the next draft. Brady Quinn, Matt Leinart, Brian Brohm, and Colt Brennan are all guys who were projected as 1st round picks (with Leinart and Quinn possible #1 overall picks) following their junior seasons and each one of them fell from where he was expected to go. Brennan who would've been a late 1st rounder or early 2nd round ended up a 6th round choice and Brohm ended up a 2nd round pick who got cut from the Packers this season because he wasn't progressing fast enough and they had no patience for him because of his 2nd round status. had he been a 1st round pick there's no way they would've given up on him so fat. this season Bradford is living proof you shouldn't go back...ever. he would've possibly been the number 1 pick in 2009 and now will most likely be the 3rd or 4th QB taken in this draft because of his injuries. he probably cost himself anywhere between 10 and 20 million because he wanted to give it "One More Year". Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freeman were smart by leaving a year early.

Anyways This is my list of the Top 10 Underclassmen who could be 1st or 2nd round picks that should say Fuck School and go get paid. i put a premium on QBs, WRs, and RBs because those are the players whose stock tends to take unexpected nosedives from year to year. note that i am not including Sam Bradford in this list because he has already stated he's going pro.

1. Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame- the golden boy of the Fighting Irish was the #1 player coming out of highschool three years ago. then he got to college and went through two years of eating shit and getting hated on and called overrated as the Irish got their asses kicked up and down the field. now in his junior season we are finally seeing what all the hype was about. it's so easy to hate this kid with his douchebag haircut, all the stupid shit he did and said when he was a recruit, and the fact he plays for Notre Dame....but honestly he looks like a future NFL QB when you watch him play. he's likely to be the #1 overall pick in the 2010 draft if he decides to leave. there is no guarantee that'll be true if he stays...especially if the Irish fire Weis and bring in a new coach with a new system. take the money and run Jimmy.

2. Jake Locker, QB, Washington- size, strength, athletic ability. he's like a west-coast Tebow with a better arm. he also plays in a pro style system that makes him much more ready for the NFL. if Clausen isn't the #1 overall pick then i have to believe Locker will be. plus it isn't like you're ever gonna win a title at Washington. get out while you still can kid.

3. Ryan Mallet, QB, Arkansas- the crop of senior QBs has some star power with Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow...but neither of those guys fits in a typical NFL offense. Ryan Mallett however is a 6 foot 7 giant with a rocket arm who is built for an NFL offense. yes, he's only a redshirt sophomore with not even two full years of starting experience but he's the most NFL-looking QB in all of college football. if he comes back next year he could have a huge year and be the top pick in 2011, but he could also come back and play like shit (ala Jevan Snead) and see his stock plummet (ala Jevan Snead). plus the selfish Auburn-loving part of me wants to get that motherfucker out of the SEC asap.

4. Javid Best, RB, California- after that bad fall he took last week i'm sure young Best probably made up his mind that he's leaving school at the end of the year. if i was him i wouldn't even bother coming back and finishing the season. i'd just worry about getting in shape and getting healed for the combine. he's an easy 1st rounder with this year's weak crop of runningbacks.

5. Jonathan Dwyer, RB, Georgia Tech- big, strong, and fast. just like the NFL likes em. all runningbacks worth a shit should leave as soon as they are eligible because the League chews you up and spits you out quicker than any other position. every year you waste in college is a year less you will have to earn cash.

6. Marvin Austin, DT, North Carolina- outside of left tackles and QBs, the position that draft gurus fall in love with the most are can't-miss defensive tackles. Austin is this year's top junior DT...which means he'll easily be a top 15 pick if he leaves early.

7. Eric Berry, SS, Tennessee- Eric Berry woulda been a 1st round pick after his Freshman year if he could've left school. there's no way he'll come back for one more year. not with the likelihood that he'll be a top 5 pick.

8. ALL LEFT TACKLES PROJECTED TO BE 1st Round picks- if you are a big left tackle and you are a junior or a draft eligible sophomore and somebody somewhere told you that someone might take you in the 1st round...go get rich motherfucker. the NFL loves you and wants to give you all their money.

9. Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame- Tate will probably only be a 2nd round draft pick, but with Clausen more the likely leaving he'd be smart to follow his QB into the draft. wide receivers stock is the most schizophrenic anyways. any WR who is predicted as a 1st or 2nd round choice is insane to go back to school for another year.

10. Damian Williams, WR, USC- USC wideouts have been a bit of a disappointment in the NFL in recent years. this starts to create a bias against you in the minds of scouts. right now Williams is being talked about as a 1st or 2nd rounder. no use if testing that for one more season.

and one more bonus player that i will file under: i don't want him to go pro but i have a sneaking suspicion he will.

Lee Ziemba, OT, Auburn- sorry Tigers fans. don't shoot me for pointing out the obvious. right now Ziemba is a projected 2nd rounder. but there are almost always between 8 and 10 tackles who go in the top 32 picks these days. with his size he could easily fall into the late 1st rounder status. this would be a crushing blow to Auburn with their depth problems on the line...but it's a very real problem. just sayin'.

My First and Most Likely Last Auburn Basketball Recruiting Post

so Auburn landed one Shawn Kemp Jr. today. yeah, son of THIS Shawn Kemp:


let's hope Junior is half as good at dunking and being awesome as his dad. let's also hope he doesn't leave as many babies in his wake as the elder Kemp.

Agenda Show Next Saturday In the Garden City

Los Agendas will in Augusta next Saturday night doing battle with our friends Turf War. it's gonna be a whole lot of boys trying to pretend they are either in the Stooges or the Replacements. which should be a drunken good time for everyone there. if it were Masters Week then Tiger Woods would show up, but it's not...so instead hopefully the city of Augusta will come out and say hello.

Keep Your Fucking Hands Off My Mad Genius!

When we hired Gus Malzahn i had two thoughts immediately: 1. FUCKING AWESOME!!! and 2. Man i hope Auburn isn't TOO good next season or someone is gonna steal him away. well apparently the quest for Auburn's Spread Eagle 2 Guru got an early start when Memphis sacked their headcoach and decided they wanted to make a splash. early reports are that the Tigers Who Only Play Basketball are interested in both Malzahn and Auburn coach Trooper Taylor.

Auburn By Beaver has this quote (via some other Auburn blog that i don't read) about Gustav not being interested in any headcoaching jobs and being committed to doing something special at Auburn...which is just coachspeak for "you motherfuckers better be willing to pay me a shit ton of money to keep my ass here, yo!" i am all for Malzahn being made the highest paid assistant in the SEC. whatever it takes to keep him for at least 2 more years, at which time this ship should be up to full steam and then either we slide in one of the other assistants or pillage another Tulsa offensive coordinator to come run our War Eagle Offense of Speedy Doom!

but yeah, for serious...Keep Away Motherfuckers! he's ours!

Most Underrated Band of the 90s = Teenage Fanclub

Bandwagonesque came out in 1991 and SPIN magazine called them "THE SOUND OF THE 90s". like if Dinosaur Jr. and Big Star had a baby. it beat out Nevermind for album of year from SPIN...but we all know how that turned out in the end.

live footage of Teenage Fanclub at Reading 91. "God Knows It's True", "The Concept", & "Satan" included. the quality of this vid is total shit, but you get the idea. do yourself a favor and download some Fanclub. recommended jams (besides the songs in this clip) "Metal Baby", "What You Do To Me", "Star Sign", "Without You", "It's All In My Mind".

Auburn = IN, Georgia = Out

ESPN has a nice little blog post by Chris Low about the Tigers and Bulldogs and how each program is seemingly going in opposite directions. with our Tigers back on the rise with hope for the future and the Dawgs in a tailspin of sorrow that reminds us of our own SEASON OF DEATH.

a quote:

At Auburn, there’s hope, a sense that a new day is coming under first-year coach Gene Chizik. An eight-win season would be greeted with a bunch of approving nods. Even a seven-win season would be tolerable. It's still the honeymoon phase.
At Georgia, there’s despair. There’s anger. There’s real concern that this program is on a slippery slope to mediocrity in the SEC, a program that’s been the hallmark of consistency under Mark Richt. A seven-win season would go over about as well as a 10-year-old getting socks for Christmas.

Hate Week 2009

so it's time of the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. AKA the game that matters more to me than any other on Auburn's schedule this year.

unlike most Auburn fans, i do not hate the Tide. i mean i want Auburn to beat them, but it's not a life or death thing for me. i was born in Alabama but i grew up in Georgia and thus i was surrounded by the most insufferable/wishy-washy fanbase in all of college football, UGA. nothing can give me more joy than beating the Dawgs and nothing makes me feel sicker to my stomach than watching Auburn lose to the Red and Black. 3 years in a row is 3 too fucking many. so you better win on Saturday, Auburn...i am serious. this is getting old.

Predicting the BCS Bowls

if we've learned anything from the few years i've been doing this blog, it's that i don't know what the fuck i am ever talking about...and yet i LOVE to try and make predictions (who doesn't?) and so here comes another round and shit that will be completely wrong: what i think the matchups are gonna be for the BCS Bowl games.

BCS Title Game

Florida vs. Texas

Sugar Bowl

Alabama vs. TCU

Rose Bowl

Oregon vs. Ohio State

Fiesta Bowl

Boise State vs. USC

Orange Bowl

Georgia Tech vs. Cincinnati

it would be nice if we could make the Fiesta Bowl take TCU and Boise State, but that isn't gonna happen with the Trojans as an at large. it would be cool to see the Trojans in the Sugar Bowl taking on Alabama...but that would be too much of something that people would actually want to see, so of course it won't.

BURDS!!!!!

DeAngelo Hall....still a big fucking douche. have i ever mentioned i'm so glad he's gone?

on the flipside, Mike Smith will whip your punk ass if you let go of him.

I Don't Think AP Voters Even Like Football

sometimes i wonder if the pollsters actually watch college football. seriously, how is USC ranked higher thank an Oregon team that torched them just a week ago? i mean i know the Ducks choked hard vs. Stanford...but it wasn't like USC was impressive vs. a lowly Arizona State team. media bias is a nice thing if you can get it. also the media shows that it is not unlike a tween and is always in love with the NEW THING by ranking a Stanford team who hasn't beaten anyone of note other than the sleeping Oregon team yesterday. Auburn, West Virginia, and Texas Tech are all more deserving of that spot.

Auburn does sneak back into the top 25 on the coaches side. so that's nice. win next week vs. the Dawgs and likely your top 25 to stay...unless of course Bama crushes us by 31 again. and also we should all take this time to thank Navy for removing any chance that Notre Dame sneaks into a BCS Bowl with their upset win yesterday.

and on a related Notre Dame rant: how does one consider themselves an elite program when they've lost to Navy twice in 3 years? i'm sorry...that's not elite. Notre Dame would probably be a pretty kick ass MAC team or maybe a top 4 Big East team. but the Charlie Weis regime hasn't made them any better than the previous ones. i just don't see anyway that Brian Kelly isn't coaching this team next season...big buy out or not.

and now the poll:

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TO 25, WEEK 10


1. Alabama
2. Florida
3. Texas
4. Cincinnati
5. TCU
6. Georgia Tech
7. Boise State
8. Pitt
9. LSU
10. Houston
11. Utah
12. Miami
13. Oregon
14. USC
15. Ohio State
16. Iowa
17. Arizona
18. South Florida
19. BYU
20. Oklahoma State
21. Wisconsin
22. Penn State
23. Auburn
24. West Virginia
25. Virginia Tech

A Day For the Nelson's of the World to Enjoy

Notre Dame
Iowa
Oregon
Penn State
Michigan


thanks for the Schadenfreude.

and if you're an Oklahoma fan you can look on the bright side, at least you won't be losing a BCS bowl game this year.

Suicide Watch (2009), Week 10...you are not ever aloud to lose to Furman, so don't even think about it.

a visual representation of the sort of advantage Auburn should have over their opponent on Saturday.

some one recently wrote me an email saying they'd take a Faustian-like deal and trade a loss to Furman for wins over Georgia and Alabama...and on the surface that seems like a good deal...but in all honesty the shame of losing to team like Furman would far out way wins over Alabama and Georgia. Auburn isn't supposed to be able to beat the Tide this year...but they HAVE to beat teams like Furman. i mean noone remembers that Michigan beat Florida in Lloyd Carr's final season, they just know they got beat by Appalachian State. it's not worth it.

chance of tragedy: 1, there's always a chance...not matter how small.

method of death: man, if you lose this kinda game then just burn the fucking place to the ground with everyone inside.

Dyer a Tiger, not a shocker, but still rad.

so it's official (at least the verbal, "i'm coming to your school" part) that the nation's #1 or #3 runningback in the nation, Michael Dyer (depending on whose guru ratings you hold as most true) is going to be an Auburn Tiger next season. obviously this is the biggest get on the recruiting trail that Auburn has landed since....well honestly i can't think of an Auburn player is highly rated as Dyer in recent memory.

he's 5 foot 8 and 201...built kinda like a taller version of Maurice Jones-Drew (rivals compares him to Joe Morris), so a bowling ball of muscle and power that should be exciting to watch over the next few seasons. to everyone who has been paying attention to Auburn's recruiting efforts this isn't a big surprise...but it is something that might get other targets excited about coming to play for the Tigers.

i'll always love you, 2002

while reading Pitchfork’s review of the Julian Casablancas solo album (which took about 500 words too many to just say “hey, this shit is kinda boring”. man you know it broke their heart to admit it. all our heroes die.) i was happy to see they posted a link to this performance of the Strokes on Letterman back in 02 when the world was still young and those of us with hope saw these scruffy rich kids from new york not as opportunist poseurs stealing all their good ideas from Blondie and Television but as champions of quality rock n’ roll returning to the airwaves. bask in the glory of what coulda been and try to forget about the fact this decade closed out about the same as the 90s did, with a lot of bad pop music dominating.

TV PARTY, Week 10...this is a boring week

The South Carolina Fade In Full Bloom

South Carolina @ Arkansas on TBS, 12:30

seriously, this is becoming so predictable by now. the 'Cocks start out hot, get ranked, and then start losing every game they play. hang it up Coach, if you can't get it done then i doubt anyone else can either.

The Enemy Of My Enemy Is My Fucking Enemy

Alabama @ LSU on CBS, 3:30


LSU is of course totally overrated and Bama's offense seems to have hit some kind of wall...so honestly i have no idea. why can't ties still exist? anyways i actually hate LSU far more than Bama...but i really don't want Alabama to go 12-0 during the regular season again. so i guess i'm rooting for the Tigers? no, i can't do it.

nothing coming on at 8 pm holds any interest for me.

It's Gotta be the Shoes

here's a really lame story i came across on ESPN.com about adidas ending their contract with Central Florida because Michael Jordan's son, Marcus wore a pair of Air Jordans during an exhibition game.

obviously NIKE should jump on this and i'm sure they will, but seriously...how fucking ridiculous is that?

BASEBALL, they're still doing that?

Pedro vs. Petite? what fucking year is this?

baseball = a thing i used to love that was ruined over the course of 15 years or so because of the strike, the whole roids thing...not the actual taking of steroids...but the coverage of it, and the media obsession with the the Yankees and Red Sox rivalry. if it wasn't for some strange since of loyalty i have for the Atlanta Braves (who at a time in my life were the only team that mattered to me...this includes you Auburn) i'd pretty just ignore it all together. sometimes i wish that they'd have another strike and it would kill the old bloated beast for good.

spelling is for nerds

i'd like to take this slow news day to apologize to my senior English and creating writing teacher Mrs. Scott for the daily clusterfuck that is my grammar, spelling, use of punctuation, and general lack of a vocabulary on A Lifetime Of Defeats. i was your star student and look at what has become of me. i blame the public school system, my addiction to the internet, and possibly an undiagnosed learning disorder....also laziness plays a key role. anyways, sorry. i'll try harder next time.

Fucking Shit Fuck

fucking Saints. the sympathy love ran out already. i hope you fuckers get relocated someday.

goddamn shit fuck cock suck motherfucking bastards!

i'm starting to have my doubts on Atlanta's playoff chances.

this blog summed up with one screen shot

I Have Visions of a Florida vs. Cincinatti National Title Game

how are these assholes still undefeated?

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25, Week 9

1 Florida
2 Alabama
3 Texas
4 Cincinatti
5 TCU
6 Georgia Tech
7 Boise State
8 Oregon
9 LSU
10 Iowa
11 Penn State
12 Pitt
13 Utah
14 Houston
15 USC
16 Ohio State
17 Arizona
18 Miami
19 Oklahoma St
20 BYU
21 California
22 South Florida
23 Oklahoma
24 Notre Dame
25 Auburn (yeah, i'm a fucking homer!)

A Look Back On the Ugliest Day In SEC Uniform History. Never Forget.

this year for Halloween both Georgia and Tennessee decided to play tricks on my optic centers with their special brands of alternate-uniforms. and i can safely say that other than that time Florida wore those jerseys with the weird ass sleeves (you remember the ONES!) this might've been the ugliest uniform day in league history. i just can't decide whose is worse.

1st up we have the University of Trying To Pull Things Out've Our Ass to Motivate Our Lousy Football Team Who Is Slowly But Surely Descending Into Irrelevance...also known of Georgia.

you know how the Dawgs love to turn shit from Red to Black and think it makes everything magic. well how'd that work out for you guys the last couple of times? as much as i loathed the Black Out jersey (and not just cuz of the beatdown Auburn got) this takes that to a whole new level of suck. the Dawgs looked like a cross between an inner-city high school squad and a USFL team from the 80s.

kinda like the Houston Gamblers except not cool or intimidating at all.

why Georgia (who i have always thought of as having one of the top 10 coolest uniforms in all of college football) would wanna fuck with their look just to wear some silly black outfits is beyond me. at least with the black out Jerseys it's something to sell to the fans. what the fuck are you gonna do with those stupid pants and helmets? i have a suggestion...burn them, along with all your black out jerseys too.

Dawgs are FAIL.

as much as i hate whenever the Dawgs try to change things up at least they actually HAVE black in their color scheme. Tennessee on the other hand just pulled a black out from nowhere so that they could change their teams normal push-pop look into giant fucking candy corns!

what an unholy fucking eyesore we have here.

just what every fan wants...the team to look like a bowl of candy.

i mean, yeah it was Halloween, but that doesn't mean you HAVE to wear a costume on the football field. ugghhhh.

anyways. i hate them both...but can't really pick a WORST among the two. my lean is with the Vols just cuz they look so fucking stupid anyways and then ended up making themselves look even worse. BUT Georgia did get their asses kicked and played just like the Division II team that they looked like. so it still could go either way for me.

and Auburn, don't even THINK about wearing orange jerseys. NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER!!!!

FAITH? i think we just got some back...maybe

so beating Ole' Miss fairly convincingly after suffering through a spirit crushing 3 game losing streak and doing it with big plays of offense and defense has done a couple of things for the Tigers and their fans. 1, it's proven that when things are clicking this team is capable of beating a quality opponent. it's also proven that Auburn NEEDS the big play to hide the fact that we've a below average (for Auburn standards) defense. it showed us that although Zombie Todd is a slow moving Romero Style Zombie, his arm seems to have been reattached through the mysteries of science and he is capable of chunking it down field again.

Big Ups to Ben Tate who is currently the number 2 rusher in the nation. i'll admit that over the past 3 seasons i haven't really ever thought much of him as a back and always considered him the secondary option to whoever else was already on the team but his performance this season has established him as one of the better and more consistent runners we've ever had at Auburn and i'm gonna miss the hell out of him next year. hopefully i'll be able to snag him for my fantasy team or even better he'll end up a Falcon.

so Auburn finds itself 6-3 and bowl eligible with 3 games left. 1 is a gimme (Furman), 1 is very winnable (UGA), and if Auburn can get those two then anything could happen in that Iron Bowl. do i believe Auburn could finish out 9-3? not really. but 2-1 and an 8 win season doesn't sound to bad to me. that sounds a lot like a trip to Atlanta to play a team like Virginia Tech or Miami in the Dome...and that's a hell of a lot better than what we were all thinking after that Kentucky game. so here's to FAITH and gettin' just a little bit of it back.

War Eagle.

it is always one beer too damn many

Things I learned on Halloween 09:

Yes, Slave Girl Leia costumes do rule........a lot.
Bela Lugosi is in fact dead.
Werewolves in Trader Vic's have perfect hair.
Danzig needs your skulls for something, he didn't really say what.
If you mix jagermeister and baileys it will only kill you halfway.
Noone was dressed as Michael Jackson, I'm so proud of you Athens.
I can eat a lot of reesee's.
Nobody has seen Torso before.
Flipper cover bands rule.
I still know all the words to every song on Nevermind the Bollocks.
Jumping on Mike Mills back while he's dressed like Sid Vicious can only happen in Athens on Halloween.
They're dead, they're all messed up.
Wearing a skimask, being wasted, and dancing all night can only result in one thing. Brain death.

I Should Just Give Auburn Up For Dead Every Week...

Way to go Tigers. I always enjoying being completely wrong about you.

Suck It Ole' Miss. I called this upset in the pre-season, thanks for making me look smart since we all know that isn't true.

Suicide Watch (2009), week 9: too much horror business

Fuck it dude, I've got better shit to do than worry about what Auburn does this Saturday. The only Navy Nightmare I expect is watching our offense trying to move the ball on the Rebel's D and then seeing Dexter McCluster jump into the Heisman race with another 200+ all purpose yards (seriously why isn't he getting talked about? I'd have him in my top 5 players.)

If the Tigers have any pride left then they'll make a game out of this...if not, well at least Furman is still on the schedule.

Tragedy chances: 99%

How did you die this week Auburn: Killed by assassins

a random list of things that i have been for Halloween

a clown (as a baby)

an Auburn football player (2 years old)

Luke Skywalker (ages 3 and 7) the first time i was X-Wing pilot luke and my mom and dad made my costume and it ruled and the 2nd time i was return of the jedi Luke in the black outfit.

He-Man (4 yrs old)

Michael Jackson WereWolf (Age 5 and 6)

Billy Idol (8 yrs)

Ghostbuster (9 yrs) this is by far my favorite Halloween costume of all time. my dad built me and my brother proton packs and my mom hand painted the Ghostbusters logo on some jumpsuits she bought us. i kept that costume and would wear it all the time forever. if i find pictures i will post them.

Lone Star (10 years) for those who don’t remember he was some random cartoon character that was a cowboy in the future on a planet called NEW TEXAS. i don’t even remember anything about the cartoon other than he was a cowboy and had the strength of a bear, the speed of a puma, and the eyes of a hawk.

Karate Kid (10 years old) this was the costume i went as that night after i spent the whole fucking day at school explaining my Lonestar costume to people and got upset that noone knew what i was.

Freddy Krueger (11 yrs)

then i went through a stupid period of my life where i thought dressing up wasn’t cool and didn’t go trick or treating and instead would go egg people’s houses with my best friend Adam.

once we reach the teen and adult years i have no idea how old i was but i remember being these costumes

Zombie Kurt Cobain

Kraftwerk

Angel of Death

Slasher movie victim

Dirk Diggler (twice)

90s Goth Teen

Hipster Vampire

Myself at 16 when i was 26

the Unabomber (4 years in a row)

and this year i am going as the killer from Torso.

TV PARTY, Week 9: Are You Still With Me?

oh Halloween on a Saturday. it equals 2 things: 1, that i'm not gonna be watching the late game cuz i'll be too busy enjoying the college studentless bars of Athens and checking out hot townie chicks in slutty costumes and 2, a bunch of sadass Georgia fans will be arriving next week for me to mock. and such is life in the ATH.

not that i really have any room to mock anyone this year as the wheels have completely fallen off my Auburn Tigers. currently riding a 3 game losing streak and forced to play in the early slot on Halloween...sucking in life that woulda been left from the students and making the "NAVY NIGHTMARE" (god, it's sooo lame when i read it aloud) all the less nightmarish. whatever.


DO I REALLY HAVE TO WATCH THIS TEAM, STILL?

Ole' Miss @ Auburn, 12:21 on TBS or whatever

how much do you miss this guy?

the only Navy Nightmare i expect to see this Saturday is Ole' Miss demolishing whatever's left of this Auburn offense and then Jevan Snead doing some damage control on his NFL stock by lighting up that Auburn secondary. this one is gonna be ugly, i can feel it.

THE ANNUAL BEATING OF THE DAWGS

UGA & FLORIDA in Jacksonville, 3:30 on CBS

is this game ever NOT the 3:30 CBS game? is this game even still considered a rivalry when the majority of the students who attend both universities can only remember Georgia actually winning this shit a couple of times in their lifetime? is there any doubt in your mind that Urban Meyer is gonna run up the score bigtime vs. the Dawgs and let Tebow score as much as he can to help that Heisman campaign? is there even a chance the Dawgs can keep this close for at least the 1st half?

THE ONLY GAME WORTH WATCHING THIS WEEKEND

USC @ Oregon, 8:00pm on ABC

too bad i'll be out and about while this is on as this could be a de facto BCS eliminator. the winner of this one is most likely your Pac-10 champ and possibly a national title contender depending on what happens with Texas. i am picking Oregon to pull off the upset and then lose some stupid game near the end of the year. it's how they roll.

I was a teenage werewolf, Braces on my fangs

The Cramps, "I Was A Teenage Werewolf". your Halloween jam of the day.

Free Movie Friday @ CINE', Horror Style

the WSLA is gonna be showing Evil Dead 2 at CINE' this friday at Midnight for free. come out and watch Bruce Campbell being the legend that he is.

College Football Pick Em, Week 9...fuck it, who cares?

Thursday Oct 29
1: UNC @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
Friday Oct 30
2: West Virginia @South Florida- WV
Halloween
3: Indiana @ Iowa- Iowa
4: Cincinnati @ Syracuse- Cinci
5: Rutgers @ Connecticut- UConn
6: NC St @ FSU- FSU
7: Purdue @ Wisconsin- Wis
8:Ole Miss @ Auburn- Auburn
9: nebraska @ Baylor- Nebraska
10:Southern Miss @ Houston- Houston
11:San Jose State @ Boise State- Boise
12: UGA vs Florida (Jacksonville)- Florida
13:Miami @ Wake forest- Miami
14:California @ Arizona State- Cal
15: Central Michigan @ Boston college- BC
16: Iowa State @ Texas A&M- A&M
17: Duke @ Virginia- Virginia
18: Michigan @ Illinois- Michigan
19: Temple @ Navy- Navy
20: Kansas @ Texas Tech- Texas Tech
21: UNLV @ TCU- TCU
22: Air Force @Colorado State- Col St
23: UCLA @ Oregon State- UCLA
24: Penn State @ Northwestern- Penn St
25: Eastern Michigan @ Arkansas- Ark
26: Mississippi State @ Kentucky- Kentucky
27: Kansas State @ Oklahoma- OK
28: Georgia Tech @ Vanderbilt- Ga Tech
29: Washington State @ Notre Dame- ND
30: South Carolina @ Tennessee- Tennessee
31: Texas @ Oklahoma State- OK St
32: USC @ Oregon- USC
33: Tulane @ LSU- LSU
34: Michigan State @ Minnesota- Minnesota
Tiebreakers (total Points)
A: Florida vs Georgia- 77
B: Ole Miss @ Auburn- 35
C: USC @ Oregon- 48
D: Georgia Tech @ Vandy- 56

Fuck The Top 25, everyone sucks

this is what happened to me after a weekend of shitastic football viewing. i am officially over this season. when does 2010 start?


A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25, Week whatever the fuck it is

1 Florida
2 Alabama
3 Texas
4 USC
5 Cincinnati
6 TCU
7 Iowa
8 Georgia Tech
9 LSU
10 Boise State
11 Oregon
12 Oklahoma State
13 Virginia Tech
14 Pitt
15 Penn State
16 Utah
17 Houston
18 Miami
19 South Carolina
20 West Virginia
21 Ole' Miss
22 BYU
23 Arizona
24 Notre Dame
25 Central Michigan

Reality Check

so with Chris Todd reverting back to the one armed guy who sucked from last year, a lot of Auburn fans on the web are calling for Neil Caudle to be named starter. i don't know if i need to mention this, but he barely beat out Tyrik Rollison for the backup spot...and that's only because the staff wanted to redshirt Rollison. i've seen Neil Caudle play in person in Spring games and in mop up duty...if there is one thing i've come to know about our boy Neil is that he loves to throw some motherfucking interceptions.

Auburn would be better off letting Kodi finish the year again than throwing Caudle out there to create turnovers. Kodi can throw interceptions, but he might just be able to beat a team with his legs like he almost did last year vs. UGA. or better yet, just fucking stick with Todd and hope he can get it back together. switching QBs didn't work last year...what the hell makes any of you think it's going to work this year?

and i don't wanna hear about all this loyalty horse shit and how Caudle was an Elite 11 QB recruit. the dude got hurt his senior year of highschool and hasn't played a meaningful snap since. he couldn't beat out Kodi Burns in the spring and Kodi can't hit water falling out of a fucking boat. he nearly got beat out by a true freshmen this year. if Barrett Trotter wasn't injured i have no doubt he'd be the backup. let's just face it, Caudle isn't any good...cuz if he was then he'd be the damn QB already.

stick with the fucking zombie Todd and let's hope the running game will be good enough to get us 2 more wins and then next season we start all over again.

Misery Loves Company

this

& this


=


it's a good thing i quit playing fantasy football this year cuz my team woulda lost by about 100 points.

fuck football.

Season Of Death 2: Deathier

...bother showing up on saturdays if you are gonna just lay down and die. What the fuck happened to this team?

Zombie Todd's arm fell off. Little LightningBolt McCalebb can't do shit. Adams can't catch. Noone on the defense knows how to tackle. Noone on the line knows how to block....

And the motherfucking penalties make me so fucking crazy that I want to blow my fucking tv up.

Keep playing like this Auburn and who gives a shit if you go 6-6 and make a crappy bowl game? You'll just get beat by some lousy Conference USA team.

Again, fuck you Tommy Tuberville. Fuck you in your big fucking ears with an elephant dick.

Beware of Werewolves with Machine Guns

Suicide Watch (2009): Week 8, Do or Die

the feeling is mutual, buddy.

first 5 weeks:


last 2 weeks:


what better way to make everyone feel a whole lot better than by rolling into the Bayou beating LSU's fucking brains out?! other than upsetting Bama and ruining their chance at a national title, i couldn't think of a better highlight for the season than if an underdog Auburn team could take those OTHER Tigers and mash their faces in the dirt and end Auburn's current losing streak and get the positive vibes going again. another loss just further throws dirt on this season being anything more than a rebuilding year. a win vs. LSU would be something for the 09 Tigers to hang their hats on, no matter what this team's final record ends up being.

chance of tragedy: 10, it's LSU...on the road. we never win those games, i don't care how inept their offense is.

method of suicide: win this game of else...

my thoughts on the umpire controversy

Who gives a shit?

Baseball sucks. Only yankees and old people watch that bullshit anyways.

The records are meaningless now and the season lasts too fucking long. Cut 20 games off the schedule and retract 4 teams and maybe I'll care again...either that or the Braves need to win again...that would also work for me.

No More Crying

my hate for the former coaching staff and my sorrow at the current team's implosion vs. Kentucky had me acting like a mopey little emo kid since Saturday, but that shit is over. get fucking pumped for those damn LSU Tigers...cuz their ain't nobody i hate more than them right now.