I Should Just Give Auburn Up For Dead Every Week...

Way to go Tigers. I always enjoying being completely wrong about you.

Suck It Ole' Miss. I called this upset in the pre-season, thanks for making me look smart since we all know that isn't true.

Why Couldn't We Just Take Chris Todd's Scholarship Away?

i didn't post about this yesterday because i was too busy dominating the recruiting trail for Dynasty Mode Auburn on NCAA 2009 in preparation for my run at another Fantasy Video Game World National Tile. how am i doing? we'll just say i've got nobody lower than a 4 star signed up and i've got the top 3 Runningbacks in the nation all coming to Auburn. so yeah, Video Game Auburn has no worries. they can easily tell walk-on punters to take a hike because i've got a 5 star defensive tackle i'm gonna stash on the bench for a few seasons before i unleash his 90+ rated ass on the SEC....but REAL AUBURN has no such luxuries...

....or at least that's what you'd think until the Chizik decided to tell Hero of 2008's Season Of Death, one Mr. Clinton Durst to get lost because there would be no scholarship for him this year (even though Tuberville had promised to award Durst with one). this is kind of like that part in Rudy when the new coach comes in and tells Rudy he won't be dressing for any games his Senior year...or however that part went, i forget because i hated that movie (not because it was about Notre Dame, but because Rudy sucked at football and still got to play in a college football game). but something tells me nobody is gonna step in and offer Durst their scholarship.

quick question. why can't Durst just have one of the scholarships that was being used by a player from the '08 class who left the team like Raven Gray, Deron Furr, Jermaine Johnson, etc....? i don't understand. please explain.

anyways i'm starting to veer off track and lose my focus. honestly this makes little to no sense whatsoever. Durst was the 3rd best punter in the SEC last year and without him the Tigers would not have beaten Mississippi State or Tennessee which means they'd have been winless in the SEC and i would have shot my face off. you could argue that Durst was actually Auburn's MVP last season...which is pretty fucking awesome for a kid who was a walk-on freshman soccer player that had never played a down of organized football in his entire life!!! but no, the Chizik doesn't need him. thanks for the effort last year kid, but we need to give one of those scholarships to 2 star defensive line prospect that'll probably never see the field and will transfer to Valdosta State in a couple of years anyways. fucking Auburn! it's like rooting for a one legged midgit in an ass kicking contest sometimes.

anyways good luck Durst. thank you for the two wins you gave us last year and for keeping us in a few of the other games that we coulda won. you are easily my favorite punter of all time...even if we just had 1 terrible year together.

a 3 internet salute for you, young man.

BREAK UP THE TIGERS

Auburn actually won a football game!!!!

it's been a long time since i could say that. and i witnessed the winning first hand, as i was at the Homecoming game yesterday vs. Tennessee-Martin. to say it was an enjoyable experience would be stretching. Auburn played like shit for most of the first three quarters letting TN-Martin hang around until Kodi Burns suddenly realized he was a lot better at running the ball than he was at throwing it. rushing for 2 touchdowns in the 2nd half and 158 yards total on the ground, leading the Tigers to a 37-20 victory and saving Tuberville's job for at least a few more weeks.

but before the points onslaught at the end of the game, this one felt very much in doubt. Auburn started strong as they have in most of their games this season by scoring a touchdown on the opening kickoff but then Robert Dunn fumbled a punt into the endzone that gave TN-Martin a 7-7 tie. Auburn then kicked a few field goals and got a short touchdown by Brad Lester to take a 20-7 lead. unfortunately TN-Martin was able to score again on a long drive to close out the first half and that's about the time "the fear" started to creep in. i'd seen this game WAY too many times this season and i knew how it usually ended. when the Skyhawks (yes that's really their school's nickname) scored to open the 3rd quarter and tied it up 20-20, i was pretty much assuming Auburn was about to lose for the first time in school history to a DIAA team and that Tommy Tuberville would likely be fired on Monday...but then thankfully Kodi took over on the ground and saved us all the embarrassment and shame of losing to a cupcake school.

there really weren't many positives, if any, to take away from this game. i mean it's good that Auburn FINALLY got a win. they needed it bad. but this really felt like a microcosm of the entire season. the offense looked inept. the kick coverage is awful. the defense was banged up and couldn't get pressure on the QB. the safeties still can't cover anyone. and if you are a QB who is interested in moving the chains, well just look to the middle of the field against the Tigers because it's wide open all fucking day. the only good things that can be said were that WE DID WIN THE GAME...and at this point, even wins over lower division cupcakes should be looked at positively.

some other thoughts about the game.

Tommy Trott has become Kodi Burn's go to receiver. he's got zero ability to make anyone miss, but he's at least able to catch the damn ball and move the chains. if Auburn had a solid QB then i think Trott could be ALL SEC...maybe next season.

Tristan Davis continues to be Auburn's most criminally underused weapon. the guy has the best fucking speed on the team and can take a play for 60 yards anytime he touches the ball. the fact that he hasn't been the starting running back all year is insane. when i look at him taking those kickoffs for touchdowns i see wasted potential. Auburn should have had him the backfield these last four years as a lethal change of pace back for Kenny Irons and as the go to guy this year. i know injuries have slowed him down, but when he has been healthy he's rarely seen any action outside of special teams and as a lead blocker!??!?! are you kidding me. i totally see Davis getting signed to some NFL team as a free agent to return kick offs and then because of injury to a starter will get into an NFL game and have a huge game and people will be asking who the hell he is and where'd he come from and Auburn fans will be kicking chairs and cursing Tuberville's name.

Kodi Burns IS the Future of this Auburn football team. i just don't think that being the QB is the future he should be pursuing. the kid can't throw the football with any accuracy to save his life...but he's got great speed and great moves and is the best damn runner on the team. a simple solution should be made regarding Mr. Burns. turn him into a runningback. he's built like one. he can break tackles and make people miss. he's got a great second gear and he could probably put on a few more pounds of muscle and find himself taking handoffs on Sundays. whoever is coaching this team next year needs to make this happen.

All This Victory Is Making Me Forget My Life Sucks

after the miserable fucking Saturday i had, i needed a game like that from my Falcons. but goddamn boys, could you have done it with a little less heart attack causing drama?

Elam! you go from goat to god in minutes. amazing.

and Fucknuts McWhitey!!!! you might actually be worth a shit after all. i might even start calling you by your given name...i will not call you Matty Ice though. ever. i don't care if you win us a Super Bowl. it's never gonna happen. not bad for a pair of shoes.

Fucknuts McWhitey and Them Falcons Ride Again

The cruelest cocktease of all time continues as the Atlanta Falcons absolutely mugged, shot, stabbed, harvested the organs and sold them online, sucked the marrow from the bones of the Kansas City Chiefs (who aren't just the worst team in football, but may very well be the worst team possible) in 38-14 blowout that wasn't even that close.

Ryan stayed in the under 20 passes range going 12/18 with 192 yards and 1 touchdown. Michael Turner continued to make me pay for drafting Jamall Lewis over him in my fantasy league by rushing for 104 yards and 3 touchdowns. Roddy White had himself a pretty nice game as well with 119 yards receiving, a touchdown, and a back flip. and Jerrious Norwood continued to put up solid backup numbers with 75 rushing and 30 receiving.

Are the Falcons for real? hell no. are they totally unstoppable against really shitty teams as long as they are playing in the Dome? well, i'd have to give that one a big fucking YES!!! if only we could somehow be in the NFC West then this might be an 8-8 playoff team. unfortunately this was the last easy game until we face the Raiders...and who knows what sort of ball of insanity may occur when my two favorite dysfunctional franchises face off out in Oakland?

regardless, this is some encouraging shit....even if the real losing is about to start hardcore with the Panthers, Bears, Packers, and Eagles all coming up next. it was fun while it lasted though.