your running themes for the 2011 MLB from ESPN

Yankees/Sawx
the Yanks lose 3 in a row: what's wrong with the Yankees?
Phillies are so great, why do the other teams in the NL exist?
Albert Puljos: wouldn't he make a great Yankee or Sawk?
it's August and the Mets are in last place, but we think they can make a run this year.
do they still play baseball out west?
Yankees vs. Red Sox: why can't they just play everyday?

a random thought about Camgate

(i just posted this on WarblogEagle but figured i should post it here too)

this has nothing to do with Newton being guilty or not...

is it just me or is ESPN's overzealous reporting in the Cam Newton saga seem to be a reaction to the fact it wasn't the WWL but some bloggers who broke the Reggie Bush and Brett Favre scandals? actually what's the last big story you can remember ESPN actually breaking on their own? i think all you have to do is read the dozen or so stories that they've posted on ESPN.com the basically just recite the exact same info over and over again (minus any of the contradictory reports against their information) and you start to get the feeling that ESPN is making this THEIR story no matter what. this isn't me saying they've created a conspiracy against Cam Newton but i think they really feel that once they got wind of the investigation that they were gonna make it their top priority to be at the center of the story.

for some humor, click here.

Purple Drank on ESPN...so much more entertaining than Lebronwatch

yes...this happened on ESPN. Trey Wingo talked about Purple Drank. everytime to word Drank came out of his mouth i nearly died from laughter. the best thing about the mainstream media discovering things like Lean is that they then get to explain it to the regular viewer (aka white folks not aware of shit). there little 5 minute piece on the history of Purple Drank was seriously some of the best unintentional comedy ive seen in a long time. good job ESPN.

Warning

Listening to Trent Dilfer talk about what makes a good NFL QB will give you brain damage.

Auburn = IN, Georgia = Out

ESPN has a nice little blog post by Chris Low about the Tigers and Bulldogs and how each program is seemingly going in opposite directions. with our Tigers back on the rise with hope for the future and the Dawgs in a tailspin of sorrow that reminds us of our own SEASON OF DEATH.

a quote:

At Auburn, there’s hope, a sense that a new day is coming under first-year coach Gene Chizik. An eight-win season would be greeted with a bunch of approving nods. Even a seven-win season would be tolerable. It's still the honeymoon phase.
At Georgia, there’s despair. There’s anger. There’s real concern that this program is on a slippery slope to mediocrity in the SEC, a program that’s been the hallmark of consistency under Mark Richt. A seven-win season would go over about as well as a 10-year-old getting socks for Christmas.

Hey, Who Likes Stupid Arguments?

ESPN created some new poll for college football fans to vote for a BRAND NEW Division 1 A that includes only the top 40 programs in the country for some mythical SUPER LEAGUE. and though i agree that D1 could stand to trim a conference or two (The MAC and Sun Belt, most of the teams in Conference USA, some of the MAC & Mountain West), getting it down to a list of just 40 schools is pretty silly...mostly because you'd have to eliminate a number of state schools who would all be able to produce far better football programs without smaller schools sucking away talent (imagine how much better Texas A&M would be if Houston, UTEP, SMU, & Baylor weren't around). anyways only the top 8 SEC Schools made the cut (Alabama, LSU, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Auburn).

If there was to be a new Super Division then I think 60 teams would be a better number as you'd be able to include all the traditional powers, the major state schools from all those states who have DI programs, and then include a number of the successful smaller programs like Boise State, BYU, and Utah.

So here would be my Super 60:

The South

Alabama
Auburn
Arkansas
LSU
Ole Miss
Florida
UGA
Tennessee
South Carolina
Kentucky
Florida State
Miami
North Carolina
Georgia Tech
Clemson
North Carolina State
Virginia Tech
Virginia
Maryland
Louisville

Midwest/North

Ohio State
Michigan
Notre Dame
Penn State
Michigan State
Iowa
Wisconsin
Illinois
Minnesota
Boston College
Pittsburgh
West Virginia
UConn
Missouri
Nebraska
Kansas
Kansas State
Cincinnati
Rutgers
Purdue

The West

USC
California
Oregon
Washington
Oregon State
UCLA
Stanford
Arizona
Arizona State
Texas
Oklahoma
Texas A&M
Texas Tech
Colorado
Oklahoma State
TCU
Utah
BYU
Boise State
Hawaii

so yeah, 60 teams broken up into either 3 divisions of 20 or 6 divisions of 10 with 8 playoff spots up for grabs.

ESPN: a place for mediocre ex-players to get their hate on

if you are like me and spend your afternoons watching ESPN's NFL LIVE then you are pretty familiar with the fact that Mark Schlereth and Trent Dilfer hate everyone in the NFL other than Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and like 5 or 6 other defensive players who could kick their asses.

it's like a daily battle between these assholes as to who can take some random QB to task more for "not being a team guy" and "not having what it takes to be a player in this league". Schlabach was a fucking guard...aka the position the NFL that noone truly gives a shit about and is mostly made up of guys who can't play tackle. yeah he was a good player, but he spends so much time talking about all his injuries and letting you know how tough he was that i don't even care. as for Dilfer...is there a more mediocre QB who won a Super Bowl? ANSWER: nope. not even close. listening to these fucking turds everyday usually sends me into a rage for about 10 minutes after the show and often i wish that i had the power to blow their heads up like the guy in Scanners.

i know i can't be the only one out there who hates these guys...the only real question is which of them is a bigger shit talking douche? i've posted a poll on my blog over to the side and i ask everyone who drops by and reads it to vote on which of these two guys you hate more.

thanks.

A Small Victory

hey ESPN did something right for a change. the prayers of Monday Night Football watchers have finally been answered as Tony Kornheiser has been fired/dropped/or he quit/whatever you wanna call it and replaced by John Gruden in the booth for next season. first off YES!!!!!!!!!!!!! to Kornheiser being gone. now MNFL will have 97% less stupid questions and Favre references. secondly, John Gruden? what up with that? is their a more unlikeable jackass former NFL coach currently without a job? i don't think so. and why would you want to hire a guy who is gonna be leaving as soon as an NFL or NCAA team comes calling for him?

my top 5 choices to replace Kornheiser would've been:

1. Dick Vermeil- he was really good in the booth the times he's been given a chance. he's a likable and knowledgeable coach...plus he brings the added element of crying to the booth. think of the Emmys.

2. Dan Reeves- the MNFL is a little too Northeastern douchebag Yankee for it's own good. Reeves could bring some much needed Southern grit to the crew. plus he's awesome.

3. HAL9000- crisp logical analysis on par with Jaws. a nice monotone voice. and best of all, if he feels threatened that he may be losing his job he can eliminate the entire crew.

4. Lou Holtz- for the comedy and the pep talks. plus he can talk about how awesome it was to coach the Jets.

5. Charles Barkley- sure he does basketball for TNT and didn't play football, but think of how awesome it would be to listen to Chuck's stories and listen to him freakout about losing money on the game that he's calling.

Listening to Mike Wilbon's Mouthhole Noises Makes My Angry Brain Hurt

is there a more dismissive full of himself jerk at ESPN than Mike Wilbon? i mean sure, Skip Bayles is an unbearable cocksucker who once accused Troy Aikmen of being gay to help sell a book he wrote and Chris Berman is a clueless tool who ruins everything he touches; but Wilbon is such a smug, unlikeable asshole that whenever i hear him speak it makes me want to smash my overpriced television and start writing 100,000 word manifestos of hatred to the PTI inbox. listening to him call Atlanta the Worst Sports Town In America (a claim to is so bullshit that i don't even feel like commenting on it) and say he was mad that he couldn't watch Dwayne Wade play anymore (seriously, you are such a homer for any person who was ever born in the city of Chicago that you'd think he was the mayor or something) was another reminder that i wish i had the power to make people's heads explode like in Scanners.

top 7 reasons i hate Mike Wilbon

1. he's a fucking jerk
2. he has an obvious disdain for the common sports fan
3. he's a shameless name dropper of his celebrity friends
4. he's such a homer for all things chicago that it makes Kornheiser's obsession with stars and north eastern sports seem well rounded in comparison.
5. he is the prototypical out of touch older man who hates all things new (blogs, MMA, youth culture in general) to the point that he can't be objective in the slightest when discussing them.
6. for that Sean Taylor stuff and his refusal to apologize afterwards
7. when he tries to talk about college football a puppy dies

ESPN needs another reality check

Is it really too much to ask for a day without hyperbole?

All day long ESPN has been trying to sell me that THIS IS THE GREATEST SPORTS DAY Of THE YEAR! And I'm not buying.

Uhhh, let's see we've got the Kentucky Derby & a Boxing match...so that covers the irrelevant sports noone outside of gamblers cares about, then we've got an ultra hyped 2nd round Hockey playoff matchup that only slightly more people watch than Arena Football, then there's some non-major golf tourney, there's some baseball, and finally the only legit big deal is a game 7 between the Bulls & Celtics. As far as I can tell the words Foot & Ball in combination were absent from that list thereby disqualifying any claim to this day being anything other than a day where football was not being played and thereby isn't much of a sportsday at all.

Good try.

ESPN is amazing at wasting time

so ESPN has unleashed on us a Mock Draft of the greatest NFL prospects of all time. John Elway tops their list (no surprise) and they've got 2 former Auburn players going in their fantasy 1st round with Bo Jackson at #7 overall and Aundray Bruce at #13. they do an entire mock 1st round and then included a Top 150 prospects Big Board. this is beyond dorky...and yet this is the sort of obsessive nerdy ass thing i would do if ESPN was paying me. i also like that this draft is based solely on what scouts thought about these players coming out of college and not what actually happened when they got to the NFL. so there's no Joe Montana's or Tom Brady's. so yeah, ESPN.com does something i actually enjoyed, way to go.

ESPN is about to totally fuck up College Gameday

WOW. BIG RUMORS about the fate of everyone's favorite way to start their college football Saturdays as the cast of Gameday is about to get an overhall. apparently Lee Corso and Chris Fowler are about to get replaced by Lou Holtz (DR LOU!!!) and Karl Ravech (huh?) and the Herbiebot is moving strictly to the prime time announcing gig. i shed no tears for the demise of Lee Corso and god knows i hate the Herbiebot, but i don't really get the Fowler thing...he's probably one of the best hosts ESPN has. i assume they decided if they are gonna replace 1 guy then why not replace them all. it's odd that ESPN would fuck around with one of their most successful shows, but then again this is ESPN who obviously doesn't understand what the fans like and don't like. i'd rather see Reece Davis replace Fowler than a guy who does Baseball Tonight...but whatever, my main concern would be what lame former jock they are gonna replace their Golden Boy Herbiebot with. NO JESSE PALMER!!!

Where am i supposed to get my shameless USC cheerleading and my Big 10/Ohio State bias/homerism from? another question, who is Mark May gonna pick on without Dr. Lou around?

in Auburn-ish news, Tommy Tuberville is replacing Bob Davie. thank god. now if only ESPN would get rid of Kornheiser, Berman, & Morgan then maybe the old wounds would finally heal.

ESPN blog buzz

Am I the only one who finds this to be the most annoying new feature on Sportscenter?

ESPN recapping what's HOT on the blogosphere = another useless waste of the airtime that could have been dedicated to...I don't know, actual fucking highlights. You know, that thing you assholes abandoned a decade ago.

That being said...feature my shitty blog whenever you want. I'm a whore for page hits.

random whiny anti-ESPN post

Not that anyone is unaware of ESPN's Northeastern bias...but when you lead the show with the Red Sox, Yankees, Celtics, UConn, Isiah Thomas (Knicks related), & the NY Giants schedule...well they aren't even bothering to hide it anymore. Why doesn't ESPN dedicate one of their 8 million channels to the rest of the country and turn ESPN to ESPN Northeast? Ugghh. Once baseball season starts my hatred for the WWL gets out of control.

Gameday Is Coming...Again

people will offer their first born as a snack to Uga in exchange for Georgia beating the Gators.

soooo i'm going to the UGA Spring game on Saturday, being that i live in Athens and the shit is free (i'll do anything that is free) and ESPN is gonna be here...which gives me more chances to see UGA fans with signs like this. (tis true, Corso is a Dutch).

no word yet if Erin Andrews is gonna be here...i'll keep my eyes out.


i like that Georgia is making this bullshit free as noone should have to pay to watch someone practice, but seriously someone should let ESPN know ahead of time not to expect a ton of people, i mean the Masters is going on...white people love some motherfuckin' boring ass golf being played 90 minutes away more than they do UGA spring ball. i should know, i fucking grew up in Disgusta. so don't hold your breath for a huge crowd. just sayin'.

please make your mouth hole stop making those sounds

listening to Trent Dilfer trash Jay Cutler is a lot like listening to Dane Cook give Chris Rock critiques on his standup comedy. Dude you were an NFL journeyman whose team won a Super Bowl because you had the best defense ever...not because of you. The myth that winning a championship somehow makes a QB legit is highly overrated.

So Jay Cutler is officially ESPN's new whipping boy by the angry ex-players turned commentators. T.O., Ocho Cinco... you guys have some company.

my favorite thing about ESPN: giving mediocre coaches and players a forum to spew forth their jealous rage.

Billy Packer hates everything you like

Sometimes I forget that I hate Billy Packer...probably cuz I don't watch much college basketball anymore, but yesterday he showed up on ESPN to remind me that in fact I still hate him very very much. Outside the Line's did a special about the 30th anniversary of the Michigan State vs Indiana State national title game...aka the beginning of Magic vs. Bird and how it helped explode the popularity of basketball in this country. Now Packer being the thoughtful old curmudgeon that he is spent nearly the entire broadcast shitting all over this statement saying that it wasn't even a good basketball game (this is true) and that he didn't think that Magic and Bird's impact on the game helped make college or NBA basketball any more poplar than it would have been and that the whole thing was being overrated. Now usually I would agree with the fact that if ESPN was hyping something then naturally that thing would be overrated, but when you consider that the Indiana State/Mich State final is the highest rated college basketball game of all time and that Bird and Magic are 2 of the most popular basketball players ever who took over the NBA in the 1980s and who can be credited (with Jordan, of course) for turning basketball from a national game into a global game. I'm willing to side with the WWL on this one.

Listening to Packer talk about how he wasn't that impressed with Larry Bird as a college basketball player and never thought he would have been a good pro and that he thought Magic's biggest accomplishment ever was that he played center his rookie year when Kareem got hurt was completely mindnumbing. Sometimes I wonder if Billy Packer has ever loved anything in his life. He also took the opurtunity to take a couple of shots at mid major teams (noting that even though Indiana State was undefeated going into the championship game, that they hadn't played anyone) I often imagine the only satisfaction that Packer ever gets from life is the rare oppurtunity he gets to kick a puppy or choke a hobo to death. What a dick.

pointless rant about pointless ESPN rankings

this is meaningless off season airtime filler but ESPN had their list of the top 10 new coaches in college football. it wasn't based on who they actually thought were the best coaches, but more which moves were the most important. i cant argue with #1 being Lane Kiffin...especially with all his offseason drama/sound bites, but i was a little annoyed that Gene Chizik was only #6 on the list. i mean Bill Snyder was #2?! Bill Snyder...are you serious? how is Kansas State bringing back their old coach more important than an SEC school that has been a top 25 program most of this decade replacing their successful head coach after a season of turmoil not a bigger deal than #6? he's at least more worthy than #5 Dabo Sweeny. whatever...i hate getting angry about ESPN's useless list making, but being the kind of idiot who makes his own useless lists, I'm always a little critical of other lists and their credibility. ESPN gets a D for this one. whatever.

"I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time."

i know i'm a few days late, but this story made me very sad, as ESPN has decided to let America's favorite linguist go. watching Emmitt Smith on television these last two seasons has been a rare treat. his way with the spoken language is a thing of beauty. first ESPN took away our Irvin and now they've robbed us of Smith. how the fuck am i supposed to endure Chris Berman if their isn't an illiterate former Cowboy on the set to supply me some comedy relief? for shame.

Awful Announcing put together a list of his favorite Emmittisms. enjoy.



next Year KB and I are planning on starting a new fantasy football league that was inspired by Smith's famous "Rice Of Passage" line. thank you for all of your hard work Emmitt. you will be missed.

Bretty and The Jets (yeah that's so lame)

he's going to the Jets. fucking finally! now will ESPN please move on?! Jesus fucking Christ. i'd rather hear Redsox/Yankees chatter than listen to another speculative report about Brett Fucking Favre. needless to say someone can finally put Chad Pennington and his rag arm out of misery.

on a brighter note, i can go ahead and start preparing for that Fantasy League Championship. hahaha! eat a bag of dicks, suckers.

also a random question to the universe. so i wonder if Madden 09 will have some new alternate cover with Brett Favre in a Jets jersey that'll come out later and also is Brett gonna be a downloadable player to update your roster? how does that work in these new space aged times? my OCD compels me to have accurate rosters!