college football is about to be down one less douchebag after the Irish wrapped up another disappointing season under Charlie Weis. Notre Dame finishes up the season 6-6 after Stanford gave em a nice little "fuck you" send off. for a team that basically gift wrapped it's own season with as many home games as possible and was in their 5th year under Charlie's "superior NFL system" with countless numbers of 4 and 5 star "talent" a .500 record just ain't gonna cut it.
there have been few college coaches that i've ever hated as much as Weis and that isn't even because he coaches at Notre Dame. the guy has been one giant fucking pile of douche from the moment he stepped on to the scene. that Notre Dame even gave him that giant ass extension because he ALMOST beat USC is one of the dumbest things ever. the dude NEVER WON ANYTHING!!! they had zero big time wins in his tenure. probably the best team they ever beat was Michigan State. it's a miracle they were able to beat Boston College this season. he fucking sucks, he can't coach, his teams can't beat anyone worth a shit, and his recruits are all highly overrated just because they are going to Notre Dame.
a list of suggestions i have for the Irish for their next head coach.
1. Nick Saban 2. Nick Saban 3. Nick Saban 4. Nick Saban 5. Urban Meyer 6. Bobby Petrino 7. Les Miles 8. Nick Saban 9. Lane Kiffin (just to have a possibly bigger douchebag in South Bend) 10. Lou Holtz
...bother showing up on saturdays if you are gonna just lay down and die. What the fuck happened to this team?
Zombie Todd's arm fell off. Little LightningBolt McCalebb can't do shit. Adams can't catch. Noone on the defense knows how to tackle. Noone on the line knows how to block....
And the motherfucking penalties make me so fucking crazy that I want to blow my fucking tv up.
Keep playing like this Auburn and who gives a shit if you go 6-6 and make a crappy bowl game? You'll just get beat by some lousy Conference USA team.
Again, fuck you Tommy Tuberville. Fuck you in your big fucking ears with an elephant dick.
my hate for the former coaching staff and my sorrow at the current team's implosion vs. Kentucky had me acting like a mopey little emo kid since Saturday, but that shit is over. get fucking pumped for those damn LSU Tigers...cuz their ain't nobody i hate more than them right now.
the Vikings are fucking retarded bringing this hillbilly, attention whore, douchebag onto their team. Super Bowl?! yeah fucking right. Tavaris Jackson had better fucking numbers than Favre did down the stretch to end the season. i wish someone would just Theismann his ass and we'd never have to hear about him playing ever again.
i hope my blog doesn't drive people nearly as insane as a paticular one that i read does. so many stupid thoughts taking up so much space on the internet. there are starving children in Africa that could use that, ya know.
I'm honor of tonight's LOST season finale I give you my top 20 people (or duos or groups) in sports that i'd like to strand on a desert island so we never had to hear about them again.
1. Roger Clemens 2. Chris Berman 3. A. Rod 4. Brett Favre 5. Manny 6. Poseur Redsox Fans 7. Drew Ro$enhau$ & $cott Bora$ 8. Skip Bayles 9. Mike Wilbon 10. Joe Buck & Tim McCarver 11. Joe Morgan 12. Jim Delany 13. Ocho Cinco 14. Tony Kornheiser (while he's doing Monday Night Football) 15. Jay Mariotti 16. Herbiebot & Corso 17. Colin Cowherd 18. Mike Lupica & Mitch Albom 19. Stan Van Gundy for being a whiny choke artist. 20. T.O. not because I actually hate him, cuz I don't. I just never wanna see another ESPN story about him.
apparently Andre Smith is fat, lazy, and possibly dumb and for that his draft stock is falling like a stone. he's likely dropped out of the top 10 and might be the 4th tackle taken in the draft. as far as i'm concerned he's the best prospect available and if he somehow falls to where the Falcons are drafting they'd be crazy not to take him. sucks for his bank account though. Big Boy, you can't just LEAVE the NFL combine!!! what the fuck is the matter with you kid?
but hey it could be worse for Andre Smith. he could be one of the slowest running backs in the entire draft like some guy named Knowshon something or other who used to play for some team. apparently he ran a 4.62!!! at the combine. for a runningback that's like "old people fucking" slow. i mean Chris Ogbonnaya who was a fullback at Texas ran faster than Moreno. it's kind of hard to believe as Knowshon never seemed to have any trouble running away from Auburn players while scoring touchdowns. luckily for Knowshon this is the weakest runningback class in years and it's doubtful he'll fall out of the 1st round...but ya never know.
This has nothing to do with anything other than the fact I've been reading everyone else's blog in lieu of actually writing on mine, but what the fuck is up with fucking nerds who write "First!" in the comment section on blogs? Are you fucking 7? First? Who cares you big fucking tool?! It reminds me that these internets are a series of tubes clogged with douchebags and it makes my LOL-hating self wanna punch/stab/kill! I liked the internet better when it was just porn, mullet hunters, and a place for emo kids to hook up. The 21st century blows.
little did Coach Vader know the game was being played on Endor...
later that night John Parker Wilson's helmet was used for a drum after the Utes feasted upon his entrails.
yeah i know...36-0. but you gotta take some enjoyment somewhere.
In AUBURN NEWS
i may have been insanely pissed about Auburn hiring Gene Chizik but so far he's put together a pretty fucking awesome offensive staff. first with the Malzahn hire and then landing a great running back coach in Curtis Luper from Oklahoma State (who was lead the Big 12 in rushing the past 3 years), and now Trooper Taylor joins the team. he's a hell of a recruiter and a great receivers coach which is something we've needed these past few seasons more than anything. hopefully he can school Billings, Hawthorne, and Slaughter on the fine art of catching the football and make those 4 stars that came attached to all their names worth it. War Eagle indeed.
lost in the shuffle of Bowlmania and general holiday drunkeness is how much i am enjoying the shit talking coming outta New Jersey/New York about John Madden's favorite son, Brett Lorenzo Favre.
it's always fun to see a royal douchebag like Favre get exposed for being the true dickhead he is by teammates and anonymous sources (more teammmates) after the Jets late season collapse that got their coach fired and sent Bretty back to Gulfport, Mississippi with a serious case of Karma whipping his country bumpkin ass. i have always thought that Favre was a selfish, overrated, douchebag and it makes me smile to see his New York experiment blow up in his fucking face like this. i'm sure the people of Wisconsin are being kept a little warmer this cold winter knowing that Brett is getting what he deserves. it would be awesome if the Jets just did us a favor and ended the whole "will he/won't he?" retire bit and tell Favre to fuck off. but you and i both know that's not gonna happen. also watching all the Favre apologists rush to Brett's defense on ESPN and the like is enough to make me shoot the TV, Elvis Style.
So when the Irish decide they are finally gonna win a bowl game they really go out and whip that ass. you might as well call that the most impressive win of the Charlie Weis-era (i'm sure the boosters and trustees think 80 bazillion dollars is worth a win against a lousy Hawaii team). Jimmy Clausen had like 800 yards passing and half of his td output of the season. i still don't see a future NFL QB. regardless the longest Bowl losing streak is now officially over. Merry X-Mas Charlie, you douchebag.
so how long do the reactionary pundits at ESPN wait before they start propping Notre Dame up as a BCS contender next year? oh wait, it's already started...
so i did this once before and actually meant for it to be a running thing that i'd pull out perodically but i hadn't really felt the need until recent events have brought the hater back out of me. so here it goes again....
A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25 DOUCHEBAGS IN SPORTS
1. Jay Jacobs (for obvious reasons that i shouldn't need to explain)
2. Tony Kornheiser (for ruining every Monday Night Football game and for not ever knowing what the fuck he is talking about)
3. Chris Berman (still ruins everything he is a part of)
4. RedSox Nation (actually the entire Boston sports community is included in this)
5. T.O. (for regressing back into yourself when everyone knew you would)
6. Kirk Herbstreit (because he exists)
7. Manny Ramirez (for acting like a giant retard and for being a greedy dickwad)
8. Brett Favre (for all that bullshit he pulled this offseason, for having to hear about him all the time from Tony Kornheiser)
9. Keyshawn Johnson (asshole, ego maniac, bad interviewer)
10. Chad Johnson (for changing his name and for sucking it up this year)
11. A. Rod (for dating Madonna...dude, she's as old as my mom)
12. Lebron James (for saying he might go play in Europe, for the way he's handling the whole New York thing, for calling Barkley an idiot)
13. Jay Mariotti (whiner, blowhard, terrible writer, hated by his own town)
14. Colin Cowherd (blowhard, flip flops on everything, smug)
15. Al Davis (for not dying and freeing the Raiders from his grasp)
16. Tony Romo (for getting injured and ruining my fantasy team, for dating Jessica Simpson...who isn't even that hot, for being overrated)
17. Mike Lupica (blowhard, only talks about things in new york, self righteous)
18. Joe Morgan (because he thinks he knows everything)
19. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver (for ruining baseball for me)
20. Jimmy Sexton (for being a greedy cocksucker)
21. David Stern (still the smuggest asshole in sports)
22. Sportswriters who left Tebow off their Heisman Ballot (are you serious?)
23. Roger Goodell (for being a dictator and a moralist, for making teams go play in England)
24. Unfunny, Yet Popular, Blogger (you know who you are)
25. Charlie Weis (for still having a job while Tommy Tuberville doesn't)
it's the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry this week. Auburn vs. Georgia...aka my favorite rivalry game of all. having grown up in the state of Georgia as an Auburn fan and currently calling Athens my home gives the Dawgs a slight edge over Alabama in terms of full of loathing and hatred. i will at times root for the Tide when they are playing a common foe or a non-conference team, but it is nearly impossible for me to wish anything but ill-will on Georgia. maybe it's the completely obnoxious fanbase or maybe it's the fact that the series is so damn close historically or maybe it's the fact that UGA has completely destroyed Auburn the past few years...but my hate couldn't possibly be any higher than it is right now. with Auburn having such a terrible season i've had to find my joy in the misery of others. thankfully the Dawgs have given me my top 2 joyous moments of the season with their nationally televised beatdowns at the hands of both Alabama and Florida. unfortunately it feels highly unlikely that Auburn will be able to hand the Dawgs a third asswhiping this season...what with their offense being shitty and all. nope it's looking more likely that Georgia will be handing Auburn their 3rd straight loss in the series and helping drive one of the final nails into Tommy Tuberville's coffin.
i only ask that all my Georgia friends hold nothing back this week. talk as much shit to me as you please. tell me my fucking team sucks and how bad you are gonna whip our ass. believe me, i can take it. besides you won't be telling me anything i don't already know. so give me your worst...because if Auburn can pull a victory out of their ass i will be talking more shit than you can imagine.
you probably remember the 2005 college football season as USC's run into the record books as the greatest team of all time. ESPN even had a little segment on sportscenter everyday leading up to the title game with Texas where they pitted the 2005 Trojans vs. a collection of the greatest teams in the history of college football and awarded USC victory in every single contest (me thinks the 2001 Hurricanes would have thugged upon those Trojans most viciously). And so USC was crowned the greatest team of all time. obviously someone forgot to tell this to Vince Young. video evidence please.
during that run and in the NFL drafts that followed it has been said by all the experts the USC has the best collection of NFL ready talent of any team in the country. of the players who were on the 2003 & 2004 national title teams...26 of them were drafted. but how many of these great players were actually NFL ready players? and how many of them are even in the league still?
here's a breakdown of players drafted who were on those national title squads. and what teams they were drafted by and what they are currently doing.
2007 Current Status Dwayne Jarrett Panthers WR sucking Steve Smith Giants WR plays for Giants Ryan Kalil Panthers C backup Dallas Sartz Redskins LB out of the league Oscar Lua Patriots LB out of the league
2006 Reggie Bush Saints RB finally having his breakout year Matt Leinart Cardinals QB holding a clip board Winston Justice Eagles T giving up sacks Deuce Lutui Cardinals G could possibly be a starter LenDale White Titans RB fat. scoring touchdowns. Frostee Rucker Bengals DE sucking Dominique Byrd Rams TE out of the league Darnell Bing Raiders DB out of the league David Kirtman Seahawks RB out of the league LaJuan Ramsey Eagles DT out of the league Fred Matua Lions G out of the league
2005 supplemental draft Manuel Wright Dolphins DT cyring...also out of the league
2005 Mike Williams Lions WR being a big fucking bust. out of the league. Mike Patterson Eagles DT sucking. Shaun Cody Lions DT being a bust. Lofa Tatupu Seahawks LB pro bowler Matt Cassel Patriots QB for some reason a starting QB.
2004 Kenechi Udeze Vikings DE he's okay...i guess. Jacob Rogers Cowboys T out of the league Keary Colbert Panthers WR fine possession receiver. doesn't play much. Will Poole Dolphins DB out of the league
of this group of players the most successful have been Reggie Bush (who has yet to live up to the hype), Lendale White (a good enough goalline back but not a star by any means), Steve Smith (a nice possession receiver), Matt Cassell (who never started a game in college and looks like a better pro QB than Leinart at this point), and Lofa Tatupu (legit pro bowl player). the rest of these guys have either been dissappointments (Leinart, Winston Justice...just ask any Eagles fan, Shaun Cody, Mike Patterson, etc...) or just complete busts (Mike Williams, Dwayne Jarrett, Frostee Rucker). hell a lot of them aren't even in the league anymore or didn't even make the team they were drafted by.
on the flipside the 2001 Miami Hurricanes had a roster full of NFL players who have been either stars or at least valuable members of the league. i mean just look at their fucking backfield. that would be an awesome fantasy team.
Willis McGahee RB Clinton Portis RB Najeh Davenport RB Frank Gore RB Andre Johnson WR Roscoe Parrish WR Kellen Winslow TE Jermey Shockey TE Bryant McKinnie OL Antrel Rolle CB Phillip Buchanon CB Mike Rumph CB DJ Williams LB Jonathan Vilma LB Vince Wilfork DT Sean Taylor (RIP) S
hell the 2004 Auburn Tigers have more quality players currently starting than the 2004 Trojans do.
as much respect as i have for USC and their ability to kick the asses of most teams they play, i think it's time to get off of the bandwagon when it comes to saying that they have "by far the best talent in the country". they have the deepest talent of recruits for sure...but do they really have the best? i don't really think so.
X-Mas came early for everyone who hates the Patriots. it's official, Dreamboat Brady is DONE FOR THE YEAR. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! suck it, Boston. i hope the Redsox get swept in the playoffs too.
Brady down. L.T. and Favre to go in the football douchebag hate lottery.
okay, for that i'm probably cursing the entire Auburn front seven to career ending injuries. i really take no pleasure in Brady gettin' hurt, just in those douchebag Boston fans and Peter King's misery.
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