Perfect Weekend

Auburn Rolls

The Falcons win in comeback fashion to go to 3-1.

& the Braves sneak into the playoffs in Bobby Cox final year.

oh yeah, AND the Georgia Bulldogs fucking suck.

awesome.

as a bonus the weather is FINALLY of the light jacket wearing variety, therefor worth going outside again.

i'll always love you, 2002

while reading Pitchfork’s review of the Julian Casablancas solo album (which took about 500 words too many to just say “hey, this shit is kinda boring”. man you know it broke their heart to admit it. all our heroes die.) i was happy to see they posted a link to this performance of the Strokes on Letterman back in 02 when the world was still young and those of us with hope saw these scruffy rich kids from new york not as opportunist poseurs stealing all their good ideas from Blondie and Television but as champions of quality rock n’ roll returning to the airwaves. bask in the glory of what coulda been and try to forget about the fact this decade closed out about the same as the 90s did, with a lot of bad pop music dominating.

spelling is for nerds

i'd like to take this slow news day to apologize to my senior English and creating writing teacher Mrs. Scott for the daily clusterfuck that is my grammar, spelling, use of punctuation, and general lack of a vocabulary on A Lifetime Of Defeats. i was your star student and look at what has become of me. i blame the public school system, my addiction to the internet, and possibly an undiagnosed learning disorder....also laziness plays a key role. anyways, sorry. i'll try harder next time.

a random list of things that i have been for Halloween

a clown (as a baby)

an Auburn football player (2 years old)

Luke Skywalker (ages 3 and 7) the first time i was X-Wing pilot luke and my mom and dad made my costume and it ruled and the 2nd time i was return of the jedi Luke in the black outfit.

He-Man (4 yrs old)

Michael Jackson WereWolf (Age 5 and 6)

Billy Idol (8 yrs)

Ghostbuster (9 yrs) this is by far my favorite Halloween costume of all time. my dad built me and my brother proton packs and my mom hand painted the Ghostbusters logo on some jumpsuits she bought us. i kept that costume and would wear it all the time forever. if i find pictures i will post them.

Lone Star (10 years) for those who don’t remember he was some random cartoon character that was a cowboy in the future on a planet called NEW TEXAS. i don’t even remember anything about the cartoon other than he was a cowboy and had the strength of a bear, the speed of a puma, and the eyes of a hawk.

Karate Kid (10 years old) this was the costume i went as that night after i spent the whole fucking day at school explaining my Lonestar costume to people and got upset that noone knew what i was.

Freddy Krueger (11 yrs)

then i went through a stupid period of my life where i thought dressing up wasn’t cool and didn’t go trick or treating and instead would go egg people’s houses with my best friend Adam.

once we reach the teen and adult years i have no idea how old i was but i remember being these costumes

Zombie Kurt Cobain

Kraftwerk

Angel of Death

Slasher movie victim

Dirk Diggler (twice)

90s Goth Teen

Hipster Vampire

Myself at 16 when i was 26

the Unabomber (4 years in a row)

and this year i am going as the killer from Torso.

Random Thoughts About The Auburn Season at the 1/3 point

High Fives All Around, Bro.


-Chris Fucking Todd aka the One Armed Zombie aka Captain Heisman aka I Am Gonna Shatter All Of Auburn's Single Season Passing Records And Make You Eat a Shit Sandwich for Complaining About Me So Much. thank you for making me look like a jackass young sir. i am always willing to made a fool out of for the good of all.

-Ontario McCalebb = Auburn's most exciting playmaker since the Cadillac & Ronnie Brown days.

-Darvin Adams...wow, having a go-to receiver is UBER-AWESOME

-i have a feeling Ben Tate is quietly gonna lead the SEC in rushing and end up a 2nd round draft pick.

-Mario Fannin is the most versatile Auburn player we've had in ages. watching him makes plays in the passing game has me thinking All-American next year if he becomes the featured running back.

-welcome back offensive line.

-i am soooooo happy that Kodi Burns has embraced the wildcat/wr/redzone threat role.

-welcome back Wes Byrum

-what the fuck is a Tony Franklin?

-Gustav is making this shit look easy. this team is probably going to end up breaking most of Auburn's scoring records. this is all the more convincing to me that Tubby leaving town was a good thing for Auburn. this team HAD playmakers...they just weren't aloud to make any plays thanks to a trainwreck of an offense the last few years.

-the defense is borderline the SUCK. they've locked down when they've had to...but too many touchdowns and big plays. against Ball State i will excuse most of the scores considering they were handed rough spots to defend thanks to muffed punts, failed 4th down conversions, and stupid interception...but overall they still gave up long drives to Ball State and we're dominated for most of the 1st half by West Virginia. when they go up against a team who can score points (Georgia, Arkansas, and Alabama) i could see some real trouble.

-that being said Coleman, Ricks, Stevens, and freshman Darren Bates all get mad love from me.

-special teams is way too special needs. get this shit fixed or there's no way they're gonna win any close low scoring games.

-so far so good. even if things aren't perfect...i can't really complain about 4-0. you guys are already halfway to my prediction of wins for the year. i may even raise that total to 9 wins if you can beat the Vols at home. unless the wheels completely fall off and Auburn goes 1-7 the rest of the year then i can safely say that optimism has been restored on the Plains.

-my greatest fear about this season besides a long soul crushing losing streak is that the team gets too much success too early and it results in Gus Malzahn being stolen away from Auburn by a bigger program desperate for offense (Ohio State) or a possible headcoaching position (Colorado, Virginia, etc...)

is it just me...

Or is this one of the most boring seasons in college football history so far? Maybe I'm just burnt out. Maybe I'm just being put to sleep by this Florida vs Tennessee game.