sorry i've been so lazy and useless

i'm too busy with band stuff to dedicate any of my time to sports of late, after Athfest i'll get back on the ball...so instead i leave you with the exact moment the INTERNETS went completely nuclear.



for actual awesome Auburn related recruiting news just go read the JCCW today. there's a lot of it.

Finally, A Golf Club You Can Piss In

i am so getting my dad this for Father's Day.

My Atlanta Hawks Free Agent Pick-up Wishlist

Hey Hawks. if you wanna turn yourself from an also ran into a team on the rise then trade Josh Smith for a sharpshooter and sign Hedo Turkoglu. he's a big man who can play powerforward and handle the ball like a pointguard. he's got an outside shot and most importantly he's a star on the rise. chances he ends up in Atlanta are probably next to none, but hey...i can dream.

speaking of dreaming, here are my top 5 other free agents that i'd like to see Atlanta make a run at this offseason.


1. Carlos Boozer- again the Hawks would need to trade Josh Smith and then replace him with an ACTUAL power forward who can give them 3 much needed things: rebounds, leadership, and star power. most likely Boozer is gonna join a team like The Cavs, Lakers, or The Heat (he lives in Miami).

2. Shawn Marion- an excellent shooter and defender that fills a position where the Hawks don't have a true NBA starter (small forward). he'd give Atlanta a guy to go along with Joe Johnson where Joe was no longer forced to be Atlanta's go-to option.

3. Andre Miller- with Bibby most likely leaving, Atlanta needs a point guard and Miller is the best one available in the 09 free agent class.

4. Ron Artest- sure he's crazy as fuck, but when he's on the court he's one of the best defenders in the game. plus he's got playoff experience and he's got star potential. this one is a bit iffy only because he's the kind of player that could come in and kill the roster if things went badly.

5. Lamar Odum- granted the guy is known to be a bit lazy at times, but if he came to Atlanta he'd instantly be the biggest star on the team and in the East a player with his size and skillset could completely dominate.

also Atlanta needs to resign Zaza....like BIGTIME.

5 other unrestricted free agents i wouldn't mind seeing Atlanta make moves on.

Chris "Birdman" Anderson
Rasheed Wallace
Trevor Ariza
Mehmet Okur
Allen Iverson

I'm A Loser Baby, So Why Don't You Kill Me?

the Braves got blown out by Baltimore (in the words of Emmitt Smith, "this does not boat well for them")

the fucking Lakers won the NBA finals.

Auburn has been universally picked to finish 5th in the SEC West by every single College Football publication i have seen with 6-6 being the average prediction at their record (no more than 2 wins in conference) and 7-5 being the most optimistic outlook.

and Ahmadinejad totally stole the Iranian election.

things are not going well for the sides i root for these days.

fuck it!

3 Auburn Blog Subjects I Am Sick To Death Of

1. Overly obsessed with what goes on at Alabama. Seriously when I go to an Auburn related page and there's some longwinded and utterly pointless anti-Tide post...well my brain sorta shuts down and I quit reading and go somewhere else.

2. Obsession with being screwed out of the 2004 national title. Shit happens. Just be happy that we got to enjoy an undefeated (non-probation) Auburn team and we didn't get annihilated by USC in the Orange Bowl like the Sooners did and then would've been mocked relentlessly for it.

3. Tony Franklin...

Feel free to add your own...

so when is this Jeff Francoeur Trade happening?

hey it's the hottest new facebook page. the Jeff Failcoeur fan page where angry Braves fans can share there frustrations with that guy who was supposed to be the next Dale Murphy...if ALL Dale Murphy could do was strikeout (something the Murph-inator was pretty fucking skilled at, i should add).

the Internet: where hatred happens.

Let Us Never Speak Of This Again

The biggest non-surprise of all time took place today as the Atlanta Falcons officially released Mike Vick.

So yeah, it finally happened. I'm sure there are some people who will be upset about this, but I think 90% of Falcons fans don't care and would just like to move on.

If I was Vick i'd go play in the UFL or CFL for a season.

And seriously stop talking about him in the Wildcat...dude is a fucking QB. Hate him or love him, he's still better than about 8 or 9 starters in the NFL. Screw Favre, if I was the Vikings i'd go after Mike.

Top 7 teams I think Mike Vick could end up with. I don't care what these teams have said in the past.

1. Cowboys
2. Seahawks
3. 49ers
4. Redskins
5. Ravens
6. Raiders
7. Patriots (oh don't think they wouldn't do it)

oh, what a waste.


we'll always have Madden.

NEGATIVE VIBES FRIDAY: Snake Invasion

while returning home from running some errands i discovered this long black slithery motherfucker waiting out in front of my house to ambush me.

GET THIS MOTHERFUCKIN' SNAKE OUT FROM IN FRONT MY MOTHERFUCKIN' HOUSE!

seriously i wish someone had been video taping me trying to get rid of this snake. i threw a shovel at him and hit his tail, then he coiled up and prepared to bite my ass. i froze in terror and then yelled at him. do snakes even have ears? i have no clue. then eventually he slithered off into the brush.

i hate fucking snakes. Indiana Jones knew what was up with these devils.

take it away Danzig.

A Whole Lotta Fuss For Nothin'

so the NCAA handed down it's penalties to BAMA today and pretty much nothing happened...just like i predicted. for all the Auburn, LSU, and Tennessee fans out there who were hoping for the NCAA to pull a 3 guys 1 Hammer on the Tide (WARNING: NEVER WATCH THAT VIDEO!!! EVER!!!! NEVER!!! there are some things you can never un-see.) then you were probably disappointed. they have to vacate some wins and pay a fine and they're on probation for 3 years...but yeah no big deal. being that i'm not one of those psychotic SEC fans who wishes sanctions upon all my rivals i can only say i'm happy for Alabama. the last thing i want as an SEC fan is for another damn school in our conference to be on probation...unless it's Florida (fuck those guys! they need to be humbled.) so if Auburn wants to stop the Bama onslaught then they are gonna have to do it the oldfashioned way, on the field...which is the only place that matters.

i'm sure the average Auburn fan assumed this is what was going to happen and then there are those bunker dwellers who were praying for a death penalty that was never gonna happen...regardless of any of that i will be avoiding all Auburn/Bama related message boards to protect my own sanity and to avoid the jackassery that comes with it.

for something more pleasant...Ted Leo is playing at the 40 Watt tonight in Athens. count me as stoked.

Hey Athens

my old band THE AGENDA! is playing our first show in 5 years in a few weeks. we're the opening band of the Kindercore Records Showcase @ CINE' (that's the arthouse theater downtown) during Athfest 09 on June 23rd. the show is supposed to start at 10.

i think all of that info is correct.

anyways if you love things that are dumb/simple/drunk then come out an enjoy some old dudes trying to recapture their youth and playing loud obnoxious garage rock like it's still the year 2002. if anything the potential train wreck is worth it...also you get to see me roll around on the floor and jump off shit like a maniac and possibly hurt myself, all for the love of rock n' roll.

Top 5 Shoe Commercials

first of all i am eliminating Bo Jackson and Michael Jordan from this list because we all know those commercials by heart and instead i am focusing on ones that don't actually matter who or what is in them, just that they are well made moments on advertisement gold.

5. Nike's The Y2K Runner

first off i totally ripped this one from regular commenter JD's blog. i had totally forgotten about this one. it takes me back to the days of millennial dread when some of us were expecting the world to go to shit on the morning of January 1, 2000. this commercial is about a jogger who wakes up on said day and goes for a run as the world collapses around him. totally awesome.

4. Rebook Pumps vs. Nike Air Bungee Jump

this commercial deeply disturbed me as a kid (seriously i had nightmares and still to this day refuse to go bungee jumping)...but it's easily one of the most memorable shoe ads of all time.

3. Nike's Soccer Players vs. Hell

this dream team of world class soccer players vs. the legions of hell is easily the best commercial ever about a sport that i don't give a fuck about.

2. Nike's Briscoe High School Football

everything about this commercial is perfect, from the song choice ("Spirit In the Sky"), to the cameos, to the obvious nod to Friday Night Lights. the first time i saw this commercial i was like "i wish this was a tv show". fucking awesome.

1. Nike's Female Runner vs. Psycho Killer

this is the commercial equivalent of Quentin Tarantino's movie DEATH PROOF. it's the ultimate turning a genre cliche on it's head. this commercial got banned because feminist groups thought it was perpetuating violence towards women...something my girlfriend who is a pretty rational feminist noted as being "fucking stupid to protest" because the woman gets away from the killer by outrunning him and not looking back or falling down or any of the other stupid things that happen in horror movies making this commercial actually about female empowerment...but whatever, that would require people to know anything about pop culture. it's easier just to get angry at something. regardless of all that, i think this commercial is awesome.

Why Do I Listen To Talk Radio?

is it because i hate myself? is it because i like to make my brain angry? is it because the thought of listening to music on the radio makes me throw up in my own mouth? i don't think i have an answer to the question...i just know that during the day as i drive around i am constantly doing damage to my psyche by exposing myself to hours of sportstalk radio.

today Cowherd was talking about how good the Orlando Magic are and how this is gonna be a great series and blah blah blah words words words hyperbole hyperbole hyperbole. this is less than a week after Orlando got blown out in game 1 by LA and Colin said the series was over...a series that he didn't even think was gonna happen less than a month ago when the Lakers got blown out by Houston during a round 2 game and he called them SOFT and said they were gonna get beat up and manhandled by Denver in the Western conference finals. then he spent 5 mins ripping the Olympics because Kobe is worn out. douche points currently at a MAX. i mean dude, do you ever stick by anything you say? ever? just once? No...okay, just checking.

after 20 minutes of cupping the Magic's balls just in case they somehow win the finals so that he can go back and say he picked them to win the series, he spent 30 minutes trashing Tim Floyd for quiting at USC (a job he was probably gonna get fired from in a month anyways), college basketball fans in general, and then Kentucky. he kept calling Tim Floyd "Tim Shady" and playing the Enimem song "The Real Slim Shady" over and over again...way to keep shit fresh and relevant dog. for a guy who is constantly referring to himself as hip and young (really? i didn't know mid 40s was considered young in the entertainment world.) he is the king of outdated jokes and pop culture references. then after mocking some college basketball fans for no apparent reason he then began rambling on about why the NFL is the only sports league that "Gets It" and at that point i just turned on the new Sonic Youth record and went about my business.

there really was no point to this post. anyone with half a brain knows Cowherd is the biggest douchebag in the history of douchebags and his failures as both a host and a human being are widely documented on these here Internets. mostly this is a desperate cry to myself from myself to quit putting myself through the daily torture of listening to this asshole suck up Oxygen and spit obvious facts, pointless statements, and bullshit theories into the universe.

THE WORST BRAVE EVER

Braves & Birds has a good post about the blackhole of suck that is Jeff Francoeur. i 100% agree that the only reason he takes up a roster spot is because he's handsome, white, and from the Atlanta area. if his name was El' Jeff Martinez of Panama then he would've been stuck back on a banana boat and sent off into the Atlantic ocean to be eaten by sea birds.

sometimes when i watch him at the plate i am pretty sure i could strike him out with my 62 mile an hour fastball by just throwing it directly into the dirt or 4 feet outside every single pitch.

Me Like Funny

to use Internet terminology that i don't quiet understand, this movie is best summed up in leet speak with- FTW!

but if that's too vague i will perform the pathetic attempt of reviewing the best comedy of 2009 with simple human words...when really firing a gun into the air and punching my own self in the face while laughing is the only true way i could convey the pleasure derived from my viewing experience.


ah humor, there's never a time when you aren't welcome in my world. and so this weekend i was more than happy to receive some much needed humor from The Hangover. i'm willing to call it one of the 5 funniest movies of this decade and dare i say that it's even better than director Todd Phillip's comedy masterpiece Old School.

first of all, ANY movie that opens with a motherfucking Danzig song is going to be a movie that is going to rule...there's just no way any other result can be possible. no sense in arguing with that logic because it is fuckin' flawless. ok on with the film itself. the plot is about a group of friends who take a trip to Vegas for a bachelor party that of course does not go as planned....but you already knew that from the previews. really the movie is like Memento meets The Wedding Crashers...but like way better than both. Judd Apatow better recognize that he is not the king of comedy because he has nothing on Phillip's style...the pacing is perfect, the jokes are nonstop, the site gags are fucking hilarious, and it's got some amazing lines to quote...and the final credits might actually be the funniest part of the entire damn movie. the cast is exactly what a good comedy needs...Bradley Cooper & Ed Helms are perfect as the asshole and the wimp respectively, but it's Zack Galifianakis who owns the film as the idiotic/well meaning man-child who just wants to be part of a group of friends...his Lonewolf/Wolfpack speech was the stuff of pure comedy gold. every scene he's in let's you know that he's about to be a star.

this is the kind of comedy that i truly enjoy...absurdest and lowbrow without dipping into the stupid and annoying kind of comedy that only drooling idiots enjoy. after watching this movie all i wanted to do was get fucking wasted and steal a cop car...so yeah, maybe i shouldn't be too high on my comedy horse.

seriously...go see the Hangover. if you are a dude or just a human that enjoys insane laughter and offensive...yet genius humor then you CAN NOT BE DISAPPOINTED by this movie.

"Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you."

Lula...

...is always watching.

Sometimes Your Blog Makes Me Wanna Shoot Myself In the Face

...just thought you should know.

i hope my blog doesn't drive people nearly as insane as a paticular one that i read does. so many stupid thoughts taking up so much space on the internet. there are starving children in Africa that could use that, ya know.

Douche Alert

via the Auburner. Franklin Speaks, not that anyone cares anymore. Auburn is a place where distrust and paranoia reign supreme and blah blah blah...who fucking cares what this dude says? That's some old shit, I'm over it.

i have a song for you Mr. Franklin.


I really overuse the word douchebag. I think it's time I got a new insult.
Cockgoblin
Jerkoff
Gaywad
Fuckface

Ehhh, I still like douchebag best.

Karma is a Bitch

so Tom Glavine has spoken out about getting cut by the Braves and says he feels like he was "betrayed" by the franchise and blah blah fucking blah.

you mean like that time when you were still worth a shit and took the money and ran to a fucking divisional rival? that kind of betrayed?

yeah screw you, Tom. you aren't John Smoltz and anyone who thinks the Braves made a stupid mistake letting Glavine go are either stuck in the 90s or don't /doesn't live in reality. Glavine said that a couple of teams are interested in him, let's hope one of those happens to be the Phillies so he can bring his 80 mile an hour fastball into the Ted and get lit up by the Braves.

in other positive Braves news: word on the street is that a deal is cooking between the Braves and the Red Sox that would finally rid Atlanta of useless/overrated Jeff Francoeur!!! in exchange for veteran pitcher Brad Penny (5-1 on the year). obviously if Penny could be added to the starting rotation then The Braves could move Kenshin Kawakami back to the bullpen (along with recently moved Kris Medlen) giving Atlanta some more strength in the pen and improving an already solid starting rotation. i'm sure the Gwinnett County/Parkview fans will be sad that their hero is being sent off to New England...but as an actual Braves fan nothing could make me happier. i always assumed the best thing Atlanta would be able to get for Frenchy would be a bag of balls and a sack of nickles...the chance that the Braves could add an actual major leaguer to help out the team makes this a no-brainer type deal to me.

Auburn Hooks It's First Big Fish

so looks like BIG CAT WEEKEND has given it's first results as 4 Star Wide Receiver (and one of the top players in the state of Alabama) Jeremy Richardson made his verbal commitment to Auburn today. so that's one future playmaker down and about 8 more to go. he's a big/tall WR (6 foot 4, 220) with a descent 40 time (4.5) and could be a redzone threat in the SPREAD EAGLE 2.

the usual youtube video


so yay! Auburn's 5th commitment of the 2010 class and it's highest rated player yet. HIGH FIVES all the way around the internet.

Positive Vibes Friday: Zack Galifianakis edition

So the Hangover opens today and it stars one of (if not #1) my favorite comedians ever, Zack Galifianakis. i 1st saw him perform live in Athens at the 40 Watt several years ago when he was opening for Patton Oswald. his routine is total dry dead-pan ala Stephen Wright but with a more slackerish feel...so yeah, i was totally into it. my favorite part of his whole show was when he sat at the piano and began delivering bizarre one liners over a sad piano line. it was some inspired stuff.


he also had a brief show called Dog Bites Man that's worth checking out. anyways go see the Hangover this weekend.