What Happened One Night In America Is All You Ever Need To Know About Atlanta Sports

Where once there was a feeling of optimism and hope, now there is only despair. 30+ years or rooting for Atlanta sports teams has taught me one thing more than any, how it feels to fucking lose.

The Braves suffer yet another heartbreaking defeat in the post season and are now 18 years removed from winning a World Series. The 2013 squad were a team that renewed my interest and love in the Atlanta Braves. They are young, full of potential, had the most dominating bullpen in baseball, hit a shit load of homeruns, and were fun to watch most of the year....but like so many Braves teams that came before them all of the things they did well during the year vanished when it came crunch time. that Atlanta was able to hit 1 meaningless homerun against the the Dodgers after leading the NL in 4 baggers for the year is exactly what you would have expected to happen. having one of your most reliable relief pitchers give up what would be the game winning homerun just 6 outs away from pulling off an upset in LA and sending the series back to Atlanta with all the momentum in the Braves favor is exactly what you should have expected to happen. going home early again is exactly what you should have expected.

The Falcons have gone from a Super Bowl contender to a fucking disaster that will be lucky to win 6 games. Those 10 yards shy of winning the NFC seem 100s of yards away now. a trash heap offensive line, a useless defense, and some of the most boneheaded coaching moves you will ever see has sunk the 2013 season just 5 games in. there are so many negative things i could say about this Falcons team, but i am not gonna waste the blogspot space. the Falcons need major changes if they want to ever win a championship. in the NFL you have the shortest of windows and Atlanta's in closing fast.

2 franchises linked in geography and their ability to mutually let down their fanbase on a yearly basis. Let the yankees burn Atlanta to the ground again and let's just start all over.

R.I.P. Braves Baseball 2012

Chipper, you deserved better than this...but in your final game as a major leaguer you were more or less  one of the reason Atlanta lost this bullshit one-and-done/let's try to capitalize off the excitement of last year's 1 game playoff play-in/the regular season is now fucking meaningless/ Wild Card game.

facts: he went hitless (that last hit in the bottom of the 9th was a total gift from the ump and the official scorer...Chipper didn't beat the throw and if he did it was an error) and worst of all his error in the 4th is what sent Atlanta spiraling down. at that point in the game the Braves were rolling, Medlen was looking like his magical unhittable self and then Chipper overthrows Uggla and sends one into the outfield and the next thing you know that 2-0 lead is a fucking 3-2 hole. then in the bottom of the 4th with the Braves looking like they were ready to rally back, the Frediot decides to have Simmons fucking try and bunt home Freeman (who didn't even bother to run) and gets called out on interference and Medlen comes up and strikes out and it was at that moment you kinda knew in your heart that the this shit was over and the Braves had choked away a game they should've won.

unfortunately it wasn't just the 4th inning that was full of fuckups because the best fielding team in the National League turned into my 12 year old Little League squad and decided to cough up 2 more costly errors that helped the Cards gain a 6-3 lead that just sank the hopes of even the most faithful of Braves fans. i felt really bad for Medlen. he pitched an excellent game for the most part and i think if that Chipper error in the 4th doesn't happen then he would've kept mowing down Cards until the 7th inning the then the bullpen would've taken care of the rest.

of course the delusional Braves fan is gonna hang this whole loss on THE WORST CALL I HAVE EVER SEEN AN UMPIRE MAKE IN A MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFF GAME IN MY LIFE!!! on the infield fly rule WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME in the 8th...which ended up turning Turner Field into the set of a WWE event (and observation made by most of my friends on twitter that i have to agree with). whoever says the people in Atlanta don't care about their sports teams will forever be reminded that our drunk redneck fans care a lot.... enough to delay the game for 20 minutes by throwing trash on the field and maybe possibly killing Atlanta's chances at a comeback. but whatever, we will never know.  i'm honestly mixed on how i feel about it all. i am glad Atlanta fans showed some fucking emotion but then again they look like jackasses. i mean shit, it was like we were Phillies fans suddenly. Atlanta wanted some blood. i was half hoping that there was gonna be a riot after the game. Burn Atlanta Again! it needs to be rebuilt anyways. but yeah as much as that single play sucked, the Braves still had chances to get back into the game. that bad call didn't make Michael Bourn strike out with the bases loaded. it didn't make the Braves strand like 8 million base runners over the course of the game. THEY HAD 12 FUCKING HITS AND SCORED 3 GODDAMN COCKSUCKING RUNS!!!! one bad call didn't blow this game. one bad call it didn't turn Chipper into a bottomless pit of suck. fans will always remember that bad call forever until the end of time...but the Braves are the reason the Braves didn't win.

and so Atlanta's playoff run enda the way Atlanta playoff runs always end, when not playing the Cleveland Indians, with another loss. a crushing, soul destoying, heartbreaking loss. and the career of the greatest Atlanta Brave (Hank Aaron doesn't count cuz he didn't play most of his career in the ATL) of all time ends with him exclaiming he was the one to blame for the loss. it just isn't fair. and it's just another moment in Atlanta sports history that makes me believe that if God exists and he gives a shit about sports he sure as fuck hates Atlanta....just not as much as he hates Cleveland.

and finally i would like to announce that i will be following Chipper Jones' lead as i too will be retiring from Braves baseball. i'm just not as young as i used to be and my knees can't take it anymore and my heart is done with being broken. if i need something to make me feel like a miserable loser i will always have Auburn football for that. if i feel the need to suffer along with some stupid fucking team from Atlanta that is gonna let me down in a a big game, well that's what the Falcons are for. the Braves are the only damn thing that even makes me waste time caring about stupid baseball and at some point in your life you just gotta quit things that are bad for you cold turkey. obviously i am gonna relapse and when opening day rolls around next year i will be tuning in...just hoping that this might be the season Atlanta finds their way back to another World Series title. knowing deep down that it ain't even happening again. and so it goes.

Goodbye 2012 Braves. you were a fun team to root for. i will miss you. Goodbye Chipper Jones, you were the fucking best.

fucking Braves

fire Fredi. throw Lowe in the trash. burn down Atlanta again.

at least the fucking Red Sox lost...that way we will never ever hear about the Braves choking ever again.

So long, Bobby Cox

Even though I mostly don't care about/and or like baseball anymore (which is always weird to think about considering I played it half of my life) I will always root for the Braves. And after spending my youth rooting for the most useless franchise in the majors, Bobby Cox came in and turned the laughing stock into a perennial contender. For all the shit people give Atlanta for only winning 1 championship how many teams wouldn't give anything to have that problem? I think the Cubs would trade us for that kind of failure anytime.

So thank you, Bobby. Thank you for making the Atlanta Braves something that made me miserable instead of something I didn't give a shit about.

Perfect Weekend

Auburn Rolls

The Falcons win in comeback fashion to go to 3-1.

& the Braves sneak into the playoffs in Bobby Cox final year.

oh yeah, AND the Georgia Bulldogs fucking suck.

awesome.

as a bonus the weather is FINALLY of the light jacket wearing variety, therefor worth going outside again.

FUCK YEAH NATIONAL LEAGUE

the last time you fuckers won an All Star game i was a senior in high school.

bonus points for Brian McCann being the reason the NL won. Homefield advantage for the Braves in the World Series if they can make it there. i haven't been this stoked on baseball since that year i realized i fucking hated it for the most part.

NL4LIFE!


on a side note...i can't believe that the Braves gave up on Escobar and traded him to Toronto for Alex Gonzalez. i think Escobar is eventually going to be one of the top 3 shortstops in the game and that Atlanta will come to regret this trade.

i am breaking up with the Hawks and Braves

Baseball and Basketball are now useless to me. I should just use the offseason for football to just take a break from sports period. There is really only so much disappointment I can tolerate during a year.

Atlanta, You're Fucking Out!

well at this point in the season the Braves look pretty good and fucked. i think it's about time they brought Kenny Powers back to help this team pull their heads out of their asses.

any thoughts on the matter Mr. Powers?

maybe not.

so much for ATL optimism

So the Hawks are about to get bounced in the 1st round by the lousy Bucks and the Braves have been playing like total dogshit. The Falcons drafted a bunch of stiffs and will probably go 5-11. I hate being an Atlanta Sports fan.

It's His Town Now

enjoy this clip while you can before MLB comes in yanks it off youtube (which will probably be by the end of the day). Jason Heyward in his first Major League at bat totally crushed it.

The Future is NOW

Jason Fucking Heyward...aka the reason i will be actually watching the Braves this season with some pure excitement behind it instead of out of habit.

GO BRAVES!!!

My Top 10 Favorite Atlanta Braves (of my lifetime)

1. John Smoltz
without a doubt the greatest Brave of all time not named Hank Aaron. watched Smoltz pitch was and always will be a thrill. if he's not in the Hall of Fame then they should burn that fucking place to the ground.

2. Dale Murphy
the man, the legend, my childhood hero. he probably deserves the number 1 spot...but Smoltz was a winner.

3. Greg Maddux
it's a toss up between Maddux and Pedro as to who the best right handed pitcher of this era is (fuck Roger Clemens) but Maddux has the hardware to claim the title. it's just too bad he wasn't more consistent in the post season and maybe the Braves would've won more than 1 World Series.

4. Ron Gant
Gant was by far my favorite player on those early 90s squads. he was a dynamic athlete and a really good guy. i was so bummed when he left town.

5. David Justice
there are sooooooooooooo many reasons to dislike David Justice on a personal level, but the dude was the Superstar we needed to replace Dale Murphy and help guide the Braves to the promised land. plus he hit the homerun that clenched the 95 title.

6. Chipper Jones
Chipper will probably go down as one of the greatest Atlanta Braves of all time. he might (should) make it to the Hall Of Fame. he's been the cornerstone of the franchise for almost the entire Bobby Cox era...but i've always had a love/hate relationship with him and the fact he's injured half the time keeps him out of my top 5.

7. Tom Glavine
ya know, he probably deserves to be way higher on this list...but going to New York and acting like a big baby at the end of his career just left a bad taste in my mouth.

8. Terry Pendelton
he was the leader of that early 90s team that turned the Braves from the laughing stock of the National League into the most dominate NL team of the 90s.

9. Fred McGriff
one of the all time underrated stars of the game.

10. Bob Horner
Bob Horner hit a homerun at the first Braves game i ever went to. that sorta stuck with me.

Braves Baseball, Am I Falling In Love With You Again?

excuse the racist imagery...it's still my fav Braves logo...it conflicts with my liberal leanings, then again so does my love of Charles Bronson movies.

anyways i am pumped as hell for the baseball season for the first time in like a decade. i am giving the credit to Jason Heyward.

Glenn Hubbard. Snake Master.

BEST BASEBALL CARD EVER!!!!!!!|!|

this is so fucking awesome that i can't do this pic justice with silly words. bask in all it's glory. Glenn Fucking Hubbard.

1 more year for Bobby

so Bobby Cox announced today that next season is gonna be his last season as the manager of the Atlanta Braves. the Braves should be a contender next season with one of the National League's best pitching staffs and a team that seems like it's finally getting it's shit together after a couple of lousy seasons. if Atlanta can find a bat or two then i might even call them the favorite to win the NL East. it will be weird to think of Atlanta without Cox in the dugout considering he helped turn the Braves from one of the laughing stocks of all of baseball into one of the best organizations in all of sports. he may have only won 1 world series, but that's still more than the Cubs have (and most teams outside of the Mega-Markets like New York, LA, & Boston). his streak of divisional titles will probably never ever be matched and he's a hall of famer...but part of me wishes he'd go ahead and call it quits this year. i mean YES a guy like Cox who has done so much for his team should be aloud to choose his own exit and not be forced out of town like Joe Torre...but at the same time i think some new blood might be the thing that Atlanta needs to be a Championship team. with next season being Cox's LAST SEASON, the pressure is gonna be on the Braves to send him out a winner...or at least with a playoff trip. it worries me that it might be the sort of thing that could crush them next year.

anyways, next season should at least be an interesting one for the Braves.

Fucking Phillies Need to Quit All This Winning Bullshit

So the Braves picked a really crappy time to get hot as the Phillies refuse to lose any games whatsoever. Atlanta has climbed into 2nd place in the NL East but that's pretty much like being the tallest midget.

Atlanta needs to resign Kenny Fucking Powers and they need to do it quick.

He's Your Problem Now, New York

so i am gonna just go ahead and say it. Frank Wren totally just pulled a motherfucking Jedi Mind Trick on the New York Mets.


"You want our strikeout prone slumping right fielder to create a blackhole in your lineup that keeps you from getting into the playoffs."


"We want your strikeout prone slumping right fielder to create a blackhole in our lineup that keeps us from getting into the playoffs."

so what if Atlanta got the Mets version of Jeff Francoeur in exchange...at least he's finally gone.

truly though, that's gotta be the strangest trade in Atlanta Braves history.

Are the Braves Making A Run?

this was supposed to be the point of the season that killed Atlanta. series vs the Yankees, The Red Sox (twice), and The Phillies were gonna bury any chance the Braves had at the division and turn them into sellers at the trade deadline...and somehow someway they find themselves just 2 games behind Philadelphia after sweeping them in 3 straight. WTF? Atlanta is 6-4 in their last 10 and has a 4 game win streak and is heading into a weekend series with the worst team in baseball, The Washington Nationals.

The Phils on the other hand start a series against the Mets who aren't exactly on a hot streak lately. and to be honest neither of those teams looks built to win shit, their pitching staffs are both weaker than Atlanta's (esp with rookie superstar Tommy Hanson exceeding every one's expectations so far). The Marlins look like the Braves' real competition by virtue of having a young team with some good pitching and some solid bats in the order. and that's Atlanta's real problem...they may have the top pitching staff in the NL East right now, but hitting wise they are 4th and some nights 5th in the division. McClouth, McCann, and Chipper are the only guys you can really trust in that order and Garrett Anderson has decided to finally show up to a few games now and again and Matt Diaz does what he can. Escobar continues to show flashed that he might someday be a great players mixed in with moments where you wish that raft he came to on from Cuba might have been eaten by sharks instead.

i don't really know what to think about Atlanta's recent climb in the standings...mostly it just tells me that the NL East is a fucking joke and the only way the Braves are making the playoffs is to win this shitty division outright. but honestly, can you tell me that they don't have a chance? i don't think so.

there's something wrong with this picture

THE FUTURE IS NOW, MOTHERFUCKER

so, that Tommy Hanson kid is kinda good.

someone needs to teach him proper beard growing techniques though.