Griffey choo-choo-chooses Atlanta

Hey, at least someone wants to be a Brave besides just Tom Glavine. Griffey Jr announced that he's coming to the ATL which just made the 300 die hard Braves fans who live in Metro Atlanta happy. Actually I feel like a douche for making the tired old "they don't have any fans joke". Atlanta has tons of fans, hell Nike did a study (or maybe it was MLB who knows) and the Braves were ranked the 3rd most popular franchise in baseball, ahead of every douchebag bandwagon jumper who doesn't really care about baseball's favorite team The Boston Fucking Redsox. Sadly none of those Braves fans live in Atlanta because it's a haven for SEC alumni who don't like baseball because it cuts into college football time and then assholes from the North and Midwest who love the Mets and Cubs.

Okay, sorry for that rant. Who am I fooling though? I could care less about Atlanta anymore either, I soured on baseball years ago and the 'roid shit had just made it worse. Still Ken Griffey Jr. Was my favorite non-Braves/non-Bo Jackson baseball player of all time and that snot nosed kid who still lives inside me is gonna make it out to see Junior play next season in his Braves' Navy & Red and will be excited to do so.

Whitest Kids R Coming 2 Athens

one of my favorite sketch comic troupes, The Whitest Kids You Know, are currently on tour and will be making their way to Athens, GA on March 3rd. it's free for Students and 5 bucks for townie trash.
a quick sample: getting high with dinosaurs. you are welcome.

Auburn's 10 Most Important Players For the 09 Season

1. Whoever the Hell Plays QB

duh.

2. Antonio Coleman

Coleman will be the leader of the defense next year and will need to both stay healthy and make big plays if Auburn wants to remain among the elite defenses in the country.

3. Mario Fannin

can you believe Auburn hasn't had a 1,000 yard rusher since Kenny Irons Junior season? that feels like a lifetime ago. Fannin has shown flashes of brilliance as well as the desire to randomly fumble the ball for no reason. Auburn fans have been expecting this kid to become a play maker ever since his freshman year. he finally had his breakout game against the Dawgs last year before mysteriously being benched during the final drive. Fannin is the most NFL caliber back that Auburn currently has on it's roster (the new freshmen not counted) and under the new offense i'm hoping he finally can be that ALL-SEC back that we all hoped for.

4. Montez Billings

really this could have been ANY Wide Receiver as Auburn doesn't seem to have any of value at the moment. Billings is a senior and during the final games of the season showed that he could be a go to guy for Kodi Burns. i really thought Billings was gonna be the heir to Courtney Taylor last season but with the way the offense imploded no one was given a chance to make plays. i'm hoping that Billings explodes during his final year and vaults himself to ALL-SEC honors and an NFL draft pick.

5. Josh Bynes

with MR. Overrated, Tray Blackmon, now officially gone Bynes will be the QB of the defense.

6. Aairon Savage

Savage is returning from injury after missing all of the 2008 season. he's also gonna have to step in and replace Jarraud Powers who left early for the NFL. Savage has played safety and cornerback for Auburn and is a hard hitter. he likely will start at corner this season.

7. Lee Ziemba

what the fuck happened to Lee Ziemba? this guy had future 1st round pick written all over him as a Freshman but last season was the living embodiment of Auburn's confusion on offense. i don't think i've even cursed Brandon Cox' name as many times as i did Ziemba last year. this year he needs to step up and anchor the Tiger front and quit getting stupid penalties. hopefully he'll regain the promise he showed in 07.

8. Ben Tate

it Fannin can't get it done, Tate should. although not as quick, he's a more powerful runner and a good pass blocker. he can also catch which is a needed skill in the spread.

9. Jake Ricks

Auburn lost both Sen'Derrick Marks to the NFL and Tez Doolittle to graduation and with them went Auburn's starting defensive tackles. Ricks has been inconsistent during his time with Auburn but could have a break out year as a Senior.

10. Philip Pierre-Louis

the fastest player on the team could help out in both and passing game as the slot receiver and as a kick and punt returner. if you watch his youtube highlights you see that he was a playmaker in highschool, Auburn had planned on using him last year as a true Freshman but he was lost for the season on the opening kickoff of 08. hopefully he can bring the speed and playmaking ability this year that he wasn't able to last.

as per usual i have no idea what the hell i am talking about and these are just random words trying to escape my brain and fill up space on the internet for fear that they may go wasted.

A Lifetime Of Defeats Spring Fashion Preview In The Works

a couple of offseasons ago i compiled my personal Top 25 best uniforms in college football. this offseason i am working on the WORST OF list and if anyone wants to feed me their opinions i'm all ears. it should be noted that Oregon is number 1 and there isn't even room for debate.

when you put emo wings on your jersey there really is no coming back from that. hell the Ducks might even get their own top 10 list with those 2504834 possible uni-combinations that they've got going on in Nikeland....i mean Eugene.

My College Football Offseason Resolutions

1. i pledge to avoid reading the comments sections of most of the Auburn blogs i frequent so as to avoid having my IQ taken down any further.

2. i promise to not allow myself to get too excited about Auburn's chances next year even if i go to the Spring Game and the new offense appears to be as possibly explosive as i'd hoped we were gonna be last year.

3. i promise to get this shirt and wear it every Saturday next fall.


4. i promise to quit making these.


5. i promise not to stalk new Auburn recruits on the facebook.

Griffey Coming to the Braves?

he can't actually do this anymore. just so you know.

Considering Atlanta's failure to land any talent this offseason it seems doubtful that Jr. will be calling Atlanta his home next season, but regardless ESPN is saying there is a good chance it could happen. So does adding Griffey make the Braves any less irrelevant than they already are? Not really. It does get your average sports fan who quit paying attention to Baseball in 1998 excited, and that largely sums up the Braves' fanbase. Besides, haven't you heard, the 90s are back. If Junior comes to the ATL then I'll bust out my flannel shirts and Soundgarden records and make it out to the Ted a couple of times to see him play, hopefully before he goes down with an injury and misses 90 games.

You've All Just Been Served By Shaq

by far this was the best moment of the NBA All Star Weekend.

so is their any doubt that Shaq is gonna be on Dancing With The Stars once he retires? think of how hilarious it will be. Shaq rules.

and as much as i enjoyed seeing Nate Robinson's tiny ass dunkin' over Dwight Howard, it still isn't nearly as awesome as the time he blocked Yao. if Yao isn't the most useless bigman ever then i don't know who is...okay Shawn Bradley comes to mind.

that midget can ball.

69 love songs

Valentines Day 09 playlist

1. Kanye West- Love Lockdown
2. Panda Bear- Song for Ariel
3. The Byrds- Have you seen her face?
4. Yo la tengo- Somebody's baby
5. T Rex- Mambo sun
6. David Bowie- soul love
7. Billy Bragg- she's got a new spell
8. My Bloody Valentine- soft as snow (warm inside)
9. Jesus & Mary Chain- just like honey
10. New Order- temptation
11. Magnetic Fields- underwear
12. King Khan & BBQ Show- love you so
13. The Sonics- have love will travel
14. Neil Young- like a hurricane
15. Syd Barrett- love you
16. Lilys- will my lord be gardening
17. Zombies- I love you
18. The Beatles- if I fell
19. The Smiths- hand in glove
20. The Strokes- meet me in the bathroom
21. Roky Erickson- starry eyes
22. The Clean- I wait around
23. Husker Du- Green Eyes
24. Sonic Youth- genetic
25. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps
26. The Walkmen- there goes my baby
27. Unrest- make out club
28. Roxy Music- more than this
29. Suicide- cheree
30. Stone Roses- this is the one
31. Big Star- I'm in love with a girl
32. Love- always see your face
33. The Replacements- I will dare
34. Van Morrison- straight to your heart like a cannonball
35. The Clientele- we could walk together
36. Echo & the Bunnymen- lips like sugar
37. Nico- I'll keep it with mine
38. Bob Dylan- I want you
39. Beach Boys- wouldn't it be nice
40. Neutral Milk Hotel- Naomi
41. Wilco- I'm the man who loves you
42. Velvet Underground- here she comes now
43. Joy Division- heart and soul
44. Iggy Pop- fall in love with me
45. The Church- under the milky way
46. The Rolling Stones- she's a rainbow
47. Brian Jonestwon Massacree- this is why you love me
48. White Stripes- my doorbell
49. Johnny Cash- I walk the line
50. Old 97s- jagged
51. Verbena- the song that ended your career
52. Rollerskate Skinny- speed to my side
53. Clinic- distortions
54. Wire- feeling called love
55. John Lennon- oh my love
56. Louvin Brothers- knoxville girl
57. Leonard Cohen- chelsea hotel #2
58. Donovan- colours
59. Joe Tex- the love you save (may be your own)
60. The Faces- stay with me
61. Teenage Fanclub- what you do to me
62. Air- playground love
63. Nick Cave- into my arms
64. Siouxsie & the Banshees- the last beat of my heart
65. Cat Power- sea of love
66. Mercury Rev- in a funny way
67. Radiohead- all I need
68. Spiritualized- any way you want me
69. Black Heart Procession- its a crime I never told you about the diamonds in your eyes

Who Wants To Be An Auburn QB? The 2009 Version.

Quarterback. it's the make or break it position in college football. no team without one has a realistic chance of winning a title. it could be argued that there isn't a more important position in the world of sports, Pro or College. sadly Auburn has been without a truly great one since Stan White. as much talent as Jason Campbell had, he really only shined his senior year. Dameyune Craig was the last play maker we had at the position...but that never resulted in any titles. timing is a bitch. if Auburn is ever going to win another SEC title again then someone has to step up at this position and become and leader and a winner.

but does Auburn even have a guy on the team right now who can be that guy? hell, they don't even really know who their starter is going to be next year.

Kodi Burns would of course be the early leader in the clubhouse to be the starter in 09, but he hasn't exactly been the model of consistency when he has been given the opportunity to play. one would argue that Kodi should have been redshirted his freshman year and never been forced onto the field in 07 thereby wasting a year of his eligibility, that same line of thought would also tell you that you should probably cut the kid some slack when Tony Franklin did everything he could to push Chris Todd as the guy last year...hurting Kodi's confidence and never giving him much of a chance to succeed. once Franklin was shuffled out the door the offense turned into a flaming pile of dogshit and despite Burns best efforts (he did show us something against Ole Miss and UGA) it just wasn't happening. hell, not even Sam Bradford could've made the grab bag of garbage go at the end of the year.

when i look at the kid i am reminded of two other QBs by the names of Dennis Dixon and Jason Campbell who had their talents wasted for 3 seasons before the light clicked on for each of them and they emerged as stars. i'm holding out hope that Burns will have the same sort of transformation under Gus Malzhan that Jason Campbell did under Al Borges and i think most positive Tigers fans feel the same way.

of course if you ever head on over to trackemtigers.com and wait for any post about the QB position or the offense in general you'll get a quick dose of Kodi haters who'll be quick to point out that Burns sucks and that's he's stupid. whenever i see people making judgements about the intelligence of a young QB who happens to be black the racism alarm goes off in my brain. it can't be helped. i grew up in the South, i know how people think and i hear what they say when they think they can get away with it. when a white QB struggles you would often hear a number of accusations thrown his way, rarely are they ever about his mental capacity. i mean i called Brandon Cox all sorts of unflattering things...but i never said he was a dumbass.

regardless as to which side you stand on the Kodi debate, he's still the teams best option for next season and so i'd be surprised if he wasn't the starter next year. honestly i'd just like to see what the guy can do if he doesn't have to worry about looking over his shoulder.

of course that's probably too much to hope for. there are just too many damn QBs on the roster right now for there not to be an open competition in the Spring. so who's Kodi's biggest challenger?

Chris Todd

Chris Todd came to the Plains last year after being hand selected by Tony Franklin to run the Spread Eagle. after both he and Burns played each other to a virtual tie in Spring ball, noone emerged as a favorite...so instead we got Co-QBs...but once Kodi was injured Franklin used this opportunity to push Todd into the starting role. sadly Todd had zero arm strength and even less mobility and it was kinda like watching Brandon Cox run the spread if Brandon didn't have any of his guts and leadership ability. after the season completely fell into the ocean Todd was benched and Burns was made the starter. Chris Todd had another shoulder surgery this offseason but it remains to be seen if he'll actually be able to take any snaps and compete for the job in the Spring. honestly i feel bad for the guy, but he'd probably best be served by transferring to a D-II school and just saving us all the trouble.

Neil Caudle

Neil Caudle was a Rivals & Scout 4 Star recruit, an EA Sports Elite 11 QB, and was seen as the heir apparent to Brandon Cox back in 2006...sadly the kid has never risen higher than 3rd on the depth charts. he's dealt with a number of injury issues all the way back to highschool that have pretty much killed his development, plus he was recruited to run Al Borges' West Coast offense and Auburn has obviously gone in a different direction. Caudle does have a good arm and some athletic ability...or at least that's what i thought when i watched him in last year's A-Day game and in the limited action he saw during the homecoming game last year. the biggest knock on Neil is that he loves to throw some interceptions (but hey, what Auburn QB doesn't?) i'm really surprised that he hasn't transferred to a different school already...he must just like Auburn a lot. i just don't ever see him getting a shot unless injuries are what put him on the field. for a kid who was recruited by Michigan, Louisville, Miami, and LSU you would have assumed that he'd have been a star at Auburn. this is why getting too excited about recruiting rankings is a bad idea.

Barrett Trotter

the strongest challenger to Burns comes in the form of a lightly recruited redshirt fresman by the name of Barrett Trotter. last year during the Season Of Death, Tuberville strongly considered burning Trotter's redshirt and starting him against West Virginia...or at least he talked about it. that never happened, but ever since the Kodi haters have looked towards Barrett as their savior of the program. as the old saying goes, nobody is more popular than the backup quarterback. honestly i don't have any real opinions about Trotter as a player as i haven't ever seen him play...nor have most Auburn fans. what i do know is that he was a 3 star recruit (#46 rated QB in the nation by Scout) who had offers from Duke, Army, UAB, and Troy. when Auburn signed him i sorta just shrugged my shoulders and figured he'd be a career backup. he's a small guy at 6 foot 1 and 192 pounds, so it's not like he's got NFL size or anything. he had really great stats in highschool but then again so did all these other guys. i honestly think all the love being thrown Trotter's way is mostly just coming from the hope that he has to be better than Burns. i honestly don't believe it...but hey, i don't really know anything about the kid.

Tyrik Rollinson

the current leader in the FUTURE SAVIOR OF AUBURN FOOTBALL comes in the form of our new recruit Mr. Tyrik Rollinson. he's the nation's number 2 dual threat prospect and comes from that great QB producing state of Texas. he's got eye popping numbers and seems custom built for Auburn's new offense. sadly he seems to have spent more time being awesome at football and less time doing his school work and there may be some issues with him qualifying. DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! assuming Rollinson does get into school there's going to be a pretty strong cry from some fans to get this kid on the field sooner instead of later, hell if you give me too many beers on a gameday that sees Auburn doing their typical FAILjob then i might be one of those idiots as well. honestly if Rollinson is the best QB then i'm ok with him starting but really i'd be a lot happier with him redshirting for a year and then competing for the job in 2010...or better yet being the starter in 2011. i mean he HE DOES HAVE A REALLY AWESOME HAIRCUT....but really i'd rather just not worry about us throwing another true freshman who isn't ready to the hungry wolfpacks of the SEC, if that's okay with you.

Clint Moseley

our final contestant in WHO WANTS TO BE AN AUBURN QB? would be in the form of our other new recruit, Clint Moseley. Moseley was MR. ALABAMA Football this season which is pretty fucking awesome for a guy who played at a tiny ass little school. he won 3 straight state titles as a starter and he's got winner written all over him. he's also got 3 stars attached to his Rivals profile and was most likely gonna go to South Alabama before Auburn came along and gave him a scholarship. if Moseley takes any snaps this season then it'll be because everyone else is either injured, dead, or missing. my most hopeful scenario for Moseley is that he redshirts and then is the backup for Rollinson until Tyrik wins Auburn a national title in his Junior year and then rides off into the sun for the NFL millions, leaving Moseley as the starter in his final season which also ends in a title...or something. hey, i can dream right?

so yeah, those are my thoughts. just MY thoughts. i don't really know what the fuck i am talking about and i don't really even have a point other than Kodi Burns still seems like the best option to me until someone proves me otherwise.

who are you rooting for in the QB crapshoot?

Positive Vibes Friday: The 13th

so that Friday the 13th remake comes out today. it's sad that i quit smoking pot years ago as this would been the perfect opportunity to indulge.

9 Minutes Of Jason's Greatest Hits.


of course i can save you a lot of trouble and post the GREATEST DEATH SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES. the infamous sleeping bag scene. enjoy.


since they are updating the franchise for a new generation, shouldn't Jason be wearing a current goalie mask?

just kidding.

This Is So Perfect That I Can't Believe It Took This Long

yeah, i want to cry too.

so yeah, if the rumors are true then T.O. could be an Oakland Raider soon enough.

this falls into the category of: so fucking ridiculous that you'd think the Onion wrote it.

or

so sadly obvious that it's enough to make me burn my vintage Bo Jackson jersey in a final act of rage against a team i once called my favorite.

let's see...didn't Oakland go down this path once before with Randy Moss? how'd that work out again? it's good to see Undead Al is still into collecting aging veteran stars who are past their primes or aren't worth the trouble of putting them on their squad. yeah i'm sure this is just the thing to push the Raiders back into relevance and won't in any way end up a complete fucking disaster.

what are the odds Pac-Man Jones joins with in Silver & Black next season? i gotta think they're 2/1.

oh my poor beloved DMac. don't worry dear Fantasy Football friend. we are sending an elite team to get you out of that crazy town as soon as we can.

Basketball? That's Still Happening?

so apparently Auburn's mens b-ball squad is on a bit of a hot streak of late and are almost back to respectability (and by that i mean .500 in the SEC). they aren't nearly the unstoppable Juggernaut that is the women's hoops team, but yeah they aren't exactly the typical completely shitty basketball team either. with any luck they might just find themselves stumbling into an NIT berth...but probably not. look, i don't pretend to know or care anything about college basketball. all the good players leave after one or two years and the only time it's fun to watch is during the conference tournaments and the opening rounds of the NCAA's. but i do try and have at least a borderline love for the men's basketball team if they happen to be on a television and i happen to not be able to find any reruns of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on tv. sadly not too many Auburn men's games tend to come on and so i've seen about 2 minutes of the team all season, but luck be told these Tigers are traveling to my fine city of Athens to take on the shittiest team in the shittiest conference in all the land, the Georgia Bulldogs next week on February 18. i think tickets are like $15...which in this economy is asking a lot from people to endure such low quality athletics, but it's better than sitting in my house and dominating the computer in NCAA Football 09 every night. so yeah, if you are interested hit me up.

Some Old Douchebag Decided To Retire...AGAIN

i mean, i can't believe it didn't work out in New York. i'm shocked. who would have imagined that? maybe you shouldn've stayed retired last year, huh? yeah. probably so.

so Favre is retiring.......

Again.

who even cares anymore?

oh wait i guess i do if i am blogging about it.

fuck.

i hate you, Brett. go away and never come back.

It's Totally Gonna Work This Time

The offseason hangs over the Auburn faithful like the specter of Rush Limbaugh over whatever the fuck is left of the Republican party (actually i have no idea if that anology even works. that's what i get for trying to be smart and topical). it is a strange and unfamiliar time for fans of the Tigers. this is the first offseason in many years when Auburn will be entering the next year not only not being considered a contender for the SEC West, but also unsure if the team will be good enough to actually make a bowl game. going into 2008 Auburn was picked by most of the media to be the SEC West champ and a darkhorse national title contender. and why wouldn't they? they returned a young and talented defense, almost their entire offensive line, and a stable of great runningbacks. we were promised an exciting and highpowered spread offense attack that would rescue us from the boring/predictable smash mouth/play action passing of Al Borges' West Coast scheme. instead we got one of the most painfully hilariously bad offenses in recent memory. in the end Auburn was a 5 win team with no idenity and no ability to move the football or score points and it cost the entire coaching staff their jobs and left Auburn the laughing stock of the SEC.

when Auburn hired coach Gene Chizik he promised (much to my dismay) to return Auburn to the smash mouth style that we all knew them for. but then something funny happened, he went out and hired ANOTHER spread guru in the form of Tulsa offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn. if you read any of the the other Auburn blogs you will know that a lot of fans were none to pleased by this, where others (like myself) were optimistic that this was the right move for the program and hoped that a new coaching staff would actually give the chance for this offense to work.

now i don't pretend to be a football analyst or expert (and if you saw how poorly i did in my college football pick em you'd probably just say i didn't know what the fuck i was talking about period.) but i do realize that Auburn is reaching a point where a talent gap is emerging between itself and the elite schools of the SEC. Florida, LSU, Georgia, and Alabama all have more 4 and 5 star recruits on their teams than Auburn and will continue to have more of those Blue Chip prospects. this talent gap means the Auburn can't just rest on what has worked in the past and must instead embrace the spread offense. Northwestern and Purdue have shown that running a successful spread attack could make them competitive in the Big 10 against the much more loaded schools that they face and both of those teams road Spread offenses to Rose Bowl berths. Oregon (who has about the same talent level as Auburn) has been a perennial top 25/top 15 school the past decade thanks to their spread offense...and if it hadn't been for Dennis Dixon's knee they likely would have been playing for a national championship 2 seasons ago. Auburn needs to recognize that it's got a lot more in common with Oregon and Purdue than it does with Florida and LSU and it needs/must/has to make the Spread Eagle work this time or else it's gonna drift back into the darkages of college football irrelevance that existed before i was even born.

so this is a call for those voices of dissent to shut the fuck up for a couple of years and let's see how this thing plays out. i don't care if we only win 4 games next year, this has to work...no strangling the offense in the cradle like last year or i'm gonna burn all my Auburn shit in effigy and just start watching baseball again.

Change Auburn's Intro Music, Please

if you've been to an Auburn football game over the last several years you've probably noticed that the Tigers have one of the lamest/gheyest/nu-metalist intro songs of any team in the nation.

uggghhh. Here Comes the Boom? more like Here Comes the Suck. what does this tell us about Auburn? that we have really dated taste in really bad music. what we need is a song that tells people, "We are gonna beat you like Chris Brown and ain't nobody gonna save your ass." (sorry Rihanna...i love you, come live with me and i'll take care of you girl.)

compare that with Virginia Tech.

FUCKING AWESOME! BLOOD!! KILL!!! METALLICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so Auburn needs to step it up in 2009 and with this new coaching change i recommend gettin' some new tunes as well.

here are 3 suggestions for whoever the hell is in charge of picking the music to get the fans and players pumped.

Lil' Scrappy "No Problems"

the crunkest song evah! "You wanna be dead in the streets?
Mouth full of blood and your soul full heat." how fucking menacing does that sound? plus that creepy synth line reminds of something from the Dawn Of the Dead soundtrack. i'd like to think of our football team as a bunch of unhinged Zombie Ganstas (who miraculously go to class and don't get in any kind of trouble). if anything this would give Auburn some much needed swagger, something that they've been in short supply of the last few years.

Explosions In the Sky "Catastrophe and the Cure"

if Auburn wants to appeal to their aging hipster/Friday Night Lights loving football fans they could always take an Explosions In the Sky song and edit it down to the most epic 2 minute part...of course this might make everyone too emotional.

Cannibal Corpse "Hammer Smashed Face"

or we could just go with something ridiculously heavy and brutal. believe me the white trash methheads will go out of their mind for some Cannibal Corpse.

or we could always just go with this.

something that annoys me

This has nothing to do with anything other than the fact I've been reading everyone else's blog in lieu of actually writing on mine, but what the fuck is up with fucking nerds who write "First!" in the comment section on blogs? Are you fucking 7? First? Who cares you big fucking tool?! It reminds me that these internets are a series of tubes clogged with douchebags and it makes my LOL-hating self wanna punch/stab/kill! I liked the internet better when it was just porn, mullet hunters, and a place for emo kids to hook up. The 21st century blows.

V-Day the Auburn Way

the Auburner is back with their 2009 Auburn Valentine's Day Cards.

hmmm...thoughts on football, recruiting, the state of College athletics? i got nothing.

this blog is starting to lose it's way. Grammy posts and Friday Night Lights whining...i need to get my head out of my ass.

who gives a fuck about a Grammy?

Why am I watching this shit? Lil' Wayne should've been the host.

Radiohead playing with the USC marching band was pretty rad...the rest of this is just nonsense.

Hey look, Robert Plant just won another award for that album he made that noone you know has ever heard and will be selling like hotcakes to old ass people at every Borders in America tomorrow. Wouldn't wanna be giving those awards to relevant young artists now. Nope, that would defeat the purpose of a Grammy.

I miss football already.

my thoughts on the whole A Rod/ Steroids thing

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Oh baseball. You stupid old whore. It's all over, like Alternative rock and American supremacy. Fuck it dude, we've got football, so who gives a shit?

That being said...keep the government away from the damn NFL and you fucking do-gooder self righteous sportswriters need to keep your noses out of what goes on in the "real" American sport. Baseball has fucked itself beyond repair, don't ruin football for us too. Do I think the NFL is full of HGH abusing freaks? Yell yes. But ya know what, I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

My favorite irony in all of this is the fact that The Texas Rangers are the ground zero of the steroid era with Canseco, Sosa, Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez. Pudge Rodriguez, & A Rod all having their names linked to 'roids. Hey, remind me which former US President used to be part owner of that same team and got this whole steroid witch hunt started in the first place. I mean I know he couldn't ever find any WMDs but you'd think he might've been able to figure out half his team was on the juice back in the 90s.

Jose Canseco really needs to write a new book called "Hey Major League Baseball, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes".

Friday Night Lights is starting to lose me

Is it just me or does Friday Night Lights kinda suck, this year? So far I've been totally underwhelmed by this season so far and if tonight's episode doesn't get me hooked I may very well say so long to my one time favorite show.

PUNT4EVER BABY!

lost in the shuffle of my signing day excitement was the fact that Coach Chizik ended up finding punter Clinton Durst a scholarship after all. whenever i freakout about something regarding Auburn football things seem to work out in the end. so yeah, sorry about all the whining. for all the angry posts and the way the fanbase got up in arms over the Durst Incident you'd think they'll be selling his jersey at Tiger Rags next season. if i find one then i will buy it. i'm not too proud to rock a punter's jersey.

anyways, this news makes me just as excited as when Radiohead decided to quit fucking around and play rock music again.

Positive Vibes Friday: Freaky Space Jams From Japan

this is Les Rallize DeNudes.

they were a Psychedelic Rock band from Japan that existed from the late 1960s and into the mid 1990s. they're sort of a Japanese version of the Velvet Underground...meaning nobody ever heard of them when they started out but it's pretty obvious if you've ever bothered listening to Japanese rock bands like the Boredoms and Acid Mothers Temple that they were a huge influence on the underground rock scene. their sound is somewhere in between The Jesus And Mary Chain during their heavy-feedback era playing long spaced out 13th Floor Elevator songs by way of Sun Ra and the entire No Wave movement....or something like that. maybe a little Can and Spaceman 3 thrown in for good measure. honestly None of those bands really hit the mark at all. they were involved with some left-ist political organizations so an MC5 comparison is probably in order as well...other than the fact nobody in the MC4 ever hijacked a motherfucking airplane like the original bassist did back in 1970.

this is music for noise freaks and obsessive nerds...so if you fall into either of those categories then you will probably enjoy. if not, well then i hear there's a new album by The Fray coming out.

some youtube footage

post recruiting hangover

So Auburn did about as good a job as could be expected following the Season Of Death, but still only managed to pull in the 8th best recruiting class in the SEC and 5th best in their own division. It's still a top 25 class nationally and I'm not even gonna be a prick and complain about this group after the way 08 went down for the Tigers, but still Auburn is setting itself up for a serious talent gap with it's 2 biggest divisional rivals in LSU & Bama who both hauled in the 2 best recruiting classes in the country. But the way the new staff was able to throw together a top 25 class with just a few months on the job gives me a lot of faith in their ability to at least take a bite out Saban-Nation's dominance... I hope.

So what now? I'm debating going to the Spring Game again this year to get an early look at Spread Eagle 2: Electric Boogaloo...not that last season really showed me anything about Franklin's offense.

Auburn's New Offensive Prospects Don't Suck At All.

all those The Sky Is Falling and Auburn Is Fucked Forever posts might have been a little premature, at least when it comes to the recruiting front. the Tigers new staff was able to put together a pretty damn respectable group of kids during their first couple of months on the job and as of now the Tigers are ranked #14 by Rivals.com. the biggest surprises on signing day were the staff landing Texas wide receiver Emory Blake (son of former NFL QB Jeff Blake) and former LSU commitment and 4/5 Star receiver (depending on who you ask) DeAngelo Benton. both of these guys have good size and break away speed to be deep threats in the new Spread Eagle Part 2 offense. i wouldn't be at all surprised if they both see a lot of playing time next season. Auburn also nabbed former Georgia Tech commitment Dontae Aycock who the Jackets were hoping to use as a QB, but Rivals has him rated as a 4 star runningback and that's pretty much what Auburn sees him being as well. add him to the list of other four star offensive recruits that we already knew about with QB Tyrik Rollinson (#2 Dual Threat QB in the nation), Tight End Philip Lutzenkirchen (#3 TE recruit in the nation & #1 pass catcher and athlete at the position), and RB Onterio McCalebb (Rivals # All Purpose Back) and Auburn has itself a nice collection of weapons coming on board to help make the Gus Malzahn version of the Spread Eagle work a lot better than the Tony Franklin FAIL-Offense.

Auburn also added a number of 3 star players on offense in QB Clint Mosely (Mr. Alabama Football), Runningbacks Anthony Gulley (4.4 speed)& Brandon Jacobs (6 foot 1 and 230 pound wreckingball), and shifty little receivers Desmond Washington, Travante Stallworth, & LaVoyd James (all with 4.4 speed) who will all battle each other for time in the slot position.

the biggest negative for this incoming offensive class is the lack of BEEF. Auburn only landed 2 offensive line prospects and both of them are of the 3 star variety.

all in all this class gives me some hope for the future, as long as we can get these guys in school and keep them on the Plains. it also gives me faith in the recruiting abilities of this new coaching staff. if this is the sort of group that Auburn can put together at the last minute following an unpopular coaching hire and the worst season in a decade then i am excited to see what they can do with an entire season to recruit.

sorry to the defensive kids that i didn't give any love to. Auburn landed a couple of defensive tackle prospects that i am excited about and they also snagged a 4 star JC transfer at cornerback who may be able to come in a play right away next season which is fucking awesome with the Tigers lack of depth at cornerback. i'll leave the experts and the people who actually know what they are talking about to break down the rest of the defense. besides Auburn's defense is never something i worry about, it's the offense that will decide if Auburn is a 4 or 5 win squad next year or a Bowl team.

War Damn Eagle everyone. now off to do something productive.

NATIONAL SIGNING DAY!!!!

if you are wondering why every 30 year old man you know is obsessing about what teenage boys are doing today, don't be alarmed, they aren't members of NAMBLA...not all of them anyways. it's just National Signing Day for college football.

if you are an Auburn fan then come join the liveblogging fun over at the JCCW.

so far the Tigers have landed a couple of surprise 4 Star wide receivers who might be able to come in and play right away next season and only 1 decommit from a 3 star athlete named Brandon Heavens.

Recruiting insanity

So nothing major going on tomorrow...JK.

Every year National Signing Day for College Football is getting more & more coverage and attention, ESPN is doing their best to turn it into a college football version of the NFL draft...if we already knew where the majority of the players in the draft were going and some random 1st round picks were going to jump to other teams at the last minute and The Patriots, Steelers, and Colts all each had 4 or 5 1st round picks every year...but yeah, it's kinda similar if you are retarded. Really signing day is just a way for college football junkies to get excited about the decisions of 17 and 18 year old kids who may or may not ever help your favorite football team win football games.

Anyways my favorite Auburn blog (aka the only rationale one that seems to exist), The Joe Cribbs Car Wash will be running a signing day liveblog...so yeah go on over and join the fun. So far I've been pleasantly surprises with the way the new staff has been able to salvage a respectable class from the ashes of The Season Of Death, hopefully they've got a few final surprises left (another wideout, a 4 star lineman, a runningback perhaps) for the Tiger faithful.

Best Movies Of 2008

so this is a little late, but i do live in Athens, GA and we're just now getting the majority of the Oscar movies of 08 right now. i really wish they'd change the rules for Oscar consideration and that a movie should have either played in wide release or been out for at least a month in the year of 2008 before it's eligible...but whatever. there are still a few movies left that i haven't had a chance to see (Milk, The Reader, Frost/Nixon) that might be worthy of consideration, but as of right now the following list were my top movies of the year.

The Top 13 Movies Of 2008

1. THE DARK KNIGHT

there's really nothing left to say about this movie. the greatest comic book movie of all time also happens to be one of the coolest/most fucking awesome films of the decade and Heath Ledger's Joker performance will go down as the greatest on screen villain ever.

2. Let the Right One In

Swedish, coming of age, vampire movie. aka my new favorite genre. sweet and tender and gorey at the same time. plus it had the most tense finale of any movie this year. fucking loved it X 1000.

3. Slumdog Millionaire

worthy of all the hype and praise and awards it's getting. Danny Boyle proves why he's one of the most underrated and best directors around. reminded me a lot of City Of God...which is one of my favorite movies of this decade. Slumdog was exciting, suspenseful, moderately violent, well acted, had a great love story, had a feel good ending, and this movie was uplifting without being cheesy. it's got Oscar written all over it and i hope it wins.

4. The Wrestler

hey, do you like being depressed? well this is the movie for you. besides Heath's Joker...Mickey Rourke's Randy "The Ram" was the best performance of the year. a total heartbreaker and soul crusher and a perfect representation of the death of the American Dream.

5. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

this was a movie that i really could have cared less about before i actually went and saw it...we'll just say i was totally wrong in my assumption that this looked like a boring period drama. it's a total Forest Gump for adults. David Fincher sends me another reminder that he's the most underrated director in Hollywood whose work is always consistent.

6. Wall E

best kids movie since the Incredibles with the cutest fucking character since ET and R2-D2.

7. Pineapple Express

The Citizen Kane of stoner movies.

8. Iron Man

if Dark Knight was the ultimate example of how you make a serious comic book movie then Iron Man was the ultimate example of how you make a really fucking fun comic book movie. the best Pop Corn movie of the year by far.

9. In Bruges

a perfectly enjoyable little violent dark comedy

10. Son Of Rambow

a hilarious and imaginative kids movie that reminded me of how awesome kids movies used to be in the 80s. great soundtrack and visually innovative.

11. Nick And Nora's Infinite Playlist

one of the most enjoyable teen romantic comedies of all time. the perfect movie for young music nerds in love.

12. Tropic Thunder

another smart/stupid comedy from Ben Stiller that was probably the funniest film of the year (but Pineapple Express gets the edge because of pure weirdness).

13. Gonzo: The Life And Work Of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

a sad and funny portrait of the life of my favorite writer of all time.

So That Didn't Suck At All

So thanks to the Cardinals suddenly remembering that Larry Fitzgerald still played for their team in the 2nd half we ended up getting one of the most exciting Super Bowl finishes in NFL history. now that game itself WAS NOT the greatest Super Bowl ever as some people who are prone to hyperbole will try and tell you, it was actually a pretty sloppy and poorly played game with way too many fucking penalties for most of the game and it pretty much looked like the Steelers were gonna run away with that shit after Warner tossed the soul crushing pick six to end the first half, but on the flipside everyone who is calling this a dominating performance by the Steelers (i.e. Colin Cowheard Douchetard) with some lucky breaks for the Buzzsaw that kept it close is obviously an idiot. this game was the perfect example of how the NFL's current parity gives anyone who makes the playoffs a chance to be Super Bowl champs and if it wasn't for Arizona's shitty prevent defense at the end of the game and Big Ben making probably the greatest throw ever into triple coverage then the Buzzsaw would be your champs (maybe)...not that i am complaining, as this decade has given us some of the greatest Superbowls of all time. almost all of them have been competitive and some of them have come down to the final play or final drive to decide the game. after growing up in the 80s and watching the NFC CRUSH the AFC on a yearly basis this has been a welcome change of pace and has done a lot to make the NFL surpase the MLB as my favorite pro sport.

6 quick thoughts

1. Larry Fitzgerald is the best receiver in football. there isn't even a discussion. i loved the guy in college and have long fantasized that he'd end up on the Falcons some day. maybe if Warner had bothered throwing to him in the first half this game could've gone the other way.

2. Kurt Warner is a hall of famer. i don't even think there should be a debate. he's won 2 league MVP's and led the Arizona FUCKING Cardinals within 2 minutes of winning a Super Bowl. plus Jesus commands that you vote him in.

3. Big Ben is officially not overrated. if you are still hating then you should probably shut the fuck up. he's won 2 championships in 5 seasons and he'll probably get at least one more before he's done and that final drive and his ability to escape the pass rush and make plays down the field despite being an oversized moose with opposable thumbs makes him about as clutch as it gets. i too have uttered the phrase "He's overrated!" and you will never hear that from me ever again. Tony Romo = Overrated. Ben Roethlisberger = Championship QB.

4. defense does not win championships anymore...QBs win championships. defense gets you to the Super Bowl, it's your elite QB who wins you that shit. there was never really a point in that game that i felt like Pittsburgh's D was dominating Arizona...more or less i thought Arizona was making stupid decisions and doing themselves in and once they figured out that they had 3 really awesome receivers and some RBs who could catch the Steelers' defense was a non-factor in the game, even the game changing interception was more of Warner's fault than it was Harrison making a play...now his ability to take it 100 yards was fucking awesome, but that INT was all Warner. if the Buzzsaw had attacked them the way they did in the 2nd half all game long then i think they could've blown the Steelers out.

5. this is not a fumble

i was in stunned disbelief that the Refs first called Warner's incomplete pass a fumble, but even more than that i can't believe they didn't fucking review it! that's a shitty way to let an awesome 4th quarter end. the Buzzsaw got hosed.

6. there were no commercials with monkeys fucking shit up in them...this equals a giant FAIL for me. Americans want to see a monkey in a suit doing something funny in their Super Bowl Ads. this should be written into the Constitution.

Please Make This Happen

okay, i am obviously no fan of Georgia athletics, but i do live in Athens and i do like college basketball for the one month a year of excitement it brings to my checking account. if the rumors that Bob Knight is interested in becoming UGA's next basketball coach are indeed true then i am rooting for it to happen. anything that would make Georgia basketball more interesting is something that i can get behind...hell i might even start going to actual games. besides can you imagine what kind of freakshow Knight would bring to Athens?

The Boss And His Crotch Are All In Your Face

Okay, so far this game is whatever for me...but the Springsteen Crotch Slide into the camera might have been the greatest moment in the history of Super Bowl half times.