My Top 10 Favorite Atlanta Braves (of my lifetime)

1. John Smoltz
without a doubt the greatest Brave of all time not named Hank Aaron. watched Smoltz pitch was and always will be a thrill. if he's not in the Hall of Fame then they should burn that fucking place to the ground.

2. Dale Murphy
the man, the legend, my childhood hero. he probably deserves the number 1 spot...but Smoltz was a winner.

3. Greg Maddux
it's a toss up between Maddux and Pedro as to who the best right handed pitcher of this era is (fuck Roger Clemens) but Maddux has the hardware to claim the title. it's just too bad he wasn't more consistent in the post season and maybe the Braves would've won more than 1 World Series.

4. Ron Gant
Gant was by far my favorite player on those early 90s squads. he was a dynamic athlete and a really good guy. i was so bummed when he left town.

5. David Justice
there are sooooooooooooo many reasons to dislike David Justice on a personal level, but the dude was the Superstar we needed to replace Dale Murphy and help guide the Braves to the promised land. plus he hit the homerun that clenched the 95 title.

6. Chipper Jones
Chipper will probably go down as one of the greatest Atlanta Braves of all time. he might (should) make it to the Hall Of Fame. he's been the cornerstone of the franchise for almost the entire Bobby Cox era...but i've always had a love/hate relationship with him and the fact he's injured half the time keeps him out of my top 5.

7. Tom Glavine
ya know, he probably deserves to be way higher on this list...but going to New York and acting like a big baby at the end of his career just left a bad taste in my mouth.

8. Terry Pendelton
he was the leader of that early 90s team that turned the Braves from the laughing stock of the National League into the most dominate NL team of the 90s.

9. Fred McGriff
one of the all time underrated stars of the game.

10. Bob Horner
Bob Horner hit a homerun at the first Braves game i ever went to. that sorta stuck with me.

Glenn Hubbard. Snake Master.

BEST BASEBALL CARD EVER!!!!!!!|!|

this is so fucking awesome that i can't do this pic justice with silly words. bask in all it's glory. Glenn Fucking Hubbard.

Vintage BO

sweet Uni, Bo. i actually remember this issue of SI laying around the house and being super excited about Bo playing baseball.

and if that isn't enough: SUPER BO!!!

there's something wrong with this picture

Bo Gettin' His Speach On

Bo speaking to the Auburn class of 09.

Bo Jackson speaks at Auburn commencement

Watch Out Cobra, The Fridge Is Coming Through

being a child of the 1980s meant that i had 2 loves...GI JOE and the 1985 Chicago Bears. thankfully someone was smart enough to combine them both. William "The Refrigerator" Perry wasn't just a big fatass defensive tackle who stole Walter Peyton's touchdown in the Super Bowl...we was also a member of the United States' Elite Fighting Force. Yo Joe indeed.

man i loved the GI Joe mail away figures. pure marketing genius.

...and For No Reason Whatsoever, Bo Jackson Youtube Video set to Tom Petty

i miss you Bo. of all the non movie, girlfriend, family tragedy induced moments of tears...Bo Jackson retiring from football is at the tops.

Positive Vibes Friday: Tecmo Bo Is My Happy Place

we've all seen it. we've all played it. we've all destroyed the computer with him. Tecmo Bo. the greatest digital athlete of all time.


when i was home for Christmas this year i spent a few hours digging through shit in the attic trying to get my old NES and copy of Tecmo Super Bowl but it was nowhere to be found. running for 900 yards in a single game vs. the San Diego Chargers really is the sort of sublime pleasure that clears the mind and inspires me to write a Haiku.

there goes Tecmo Bo
another 99 yard td run
why bother throwing?

Griffey choo-choo-chooses Atlanta

Hey, at least someone wants to be a Brave besides just Tom Glavine. Griffey Jr announced that he's coming to the ATL which just made the 300 die hard Braves fans who live in Metro Atlanta happy. Actually I feel like a douche for making the tired old "they don't have any fans joke". Atlanta has tons of fans, hell Nike did a study (or maybe it was MLB who knows) and the Braves were ranked the 3rd most popular franchise in baseball, ahead of every douchebag bandwagon jumper who doesn't really care about baseball's favorite team The Boston Fucking Redsox. Sadly none of those Braves fans live in Atlanta because it's a haven for SEC alumni who don't like baseball because it cuts into college football time and then assholes from the North and Midwest who love the Mets and Cubs.

Okay, sorry for that rant. Who am I fooling though? I could care less about Atlanta anymore either, I soured on baseball years ago and the 'roid shit had just made it worse. Still Ken Griffey Jr. Was my favorite non-Braves/non-Bo Jackson baseball player of all time and that snot nosed kid who still lives inside me is gonna make it out to see Junior play next season in his Braves' Navy & Red and will be excited to do so.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Say It Ain't So! John Smoltz is about to become a member of the Red Sox.

and i'm about to use so much profanity that small children everywhere will cry.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!
Not the GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT WHINY ASS ESPN ENDORSED BOSTON FUCKING REDSOX.

seriously i'd rather him become a fucking Yankee. at least with the Yankees he's just another old overpaid guy past his prime taking up a roster spot and collecting a check. BUT THE REDSOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

i'm beyond depressed about this. John Smoltz is my favorite Brave of all time, even more than Dale Murphy. this crushes me. and to the REDSOX whom i loathe more than any organization in professional sports. well it's 100% official now. the Braves are fucking dead to me. they can't even resign players who have spent their ENTIRE careers with the club. yeah i know he's old...but Damn it! it's John Smoltz. Smoltz Heat can't pitch for Boston. i hate baseball.

This sucks. Fuck You Boston! i hope Tom Brady never plays again (not that you assholes really give a shit about football anyways). i hope Lebron destroys the Celtics in the playoffs. i hope the Yankees run away with the American League East next season and you douchebags are sitting at home.

"I'll tattoo my name on your ass" is my catch phrase for 2009

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

i need distractions

forget about Auburn football in crisis. it's Animal vs. Buddy Rich in the greatest drum duel of all time.


not good enough? how bout a picture of Kitty Lea in thigh high socks?

it's getting better.

but i still can't feel good about this....

not yet anyways. we'll see how the recruiting class goes, for now i'll put my torch and pitchfork away and distract myself with other things....

it's almost here. get your nerd on.

My All-Auburn Team

this is a repost of something i wrote this summer around my birthday, but i felt like i needed to post it again just to make myself feel better.

in the 30 years i have been alive one of the few constants has been my love of the Auburn Tigers Football team. as we are seemingly about to embark on a very long and very dark path i thought i'd celebrate those great players who have worn the Navy & Orange during my time here on this Earth.

Auburn Tigers Dream Team (1978-2008)

OFFENSE

QB- Stan White
RB- Bo Jackson, Carnell Williams
FB- Tommie Agee
WR- Frank Sanders
WR- Karsten Bailey
WR- Courtney Taylor
TE- Walter Reeves
OT- Marcus McNeil
OT- Stacy Searels
OG- Ed King
OG- Kendall Simmons
C- Ben Tamburello

reserves
QB- Dameyune Craig
RB- Brent Fullwood
RB- Ronnie Brown
WR- Tim Carter
WR- Ben Obomanu
WR- Lawyer Tillman
TE- Cooper Wallace
OT- Wayne Gandy
OG- Ben Grubbs

DEFENSE

DE- Quentin Groves
DE- Stanley McClover
DT- Tracy Rocker
DT- David Rocker
LB- Karlos Dansby
LB- Takeo Spikes
LB- Aundray Bruce
CB- Carlos Rogers
CB- David Irons
S- Chris Shelling
S- Junior Rosegreen

reserves
DE- Reggie Torbor
DT- Donnie Humphrey
LB- Kurt Crain
LB- Marcus Washington
CB- Rod Hood
S/LB- Will Herring

SPECIAL TEAMS
K- Damon Duval
P- Terry Daniel
KR- Devin Aromashoduike

Peace Out, Larry

THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE VOICE. Larry Munson called it a career yesterday and retired as the voice of the Georgia Bulldogs. it makes me sad that his last game was against Central Michigan, i know his health has been bad but it must be really bad not to have just done one last game. MB (aka Kenniebloggins) thinks this is all a ploy to get Georgia even more fired up for the Bama game and that there will be an announcement that Larry has decided to call one more game for the Dawgs. followed by Herschel Walker parachuting into the stadium with Uga on his back and he'll land on the field and start running over Bama players and chaos will reign. i think that would be kinda rad if it were true.

i have spent most of my life living in the state of Georgia surrounded by rival Dawgs fans. i have long hated the Bulldogs football team...even more so than Alabama or Florida (well no that i REALLY hated Florida when Spurrier was there). but there are 3 things about UGA footbal that i have long been envious of:
1. Uga, best damn mascot in college football.
2. The Uniforms, 2nd best unis in the SEC...sadly Bama is first.
3. Larry Munson, the greatest announcer in the history of college football.

960 The Ref was running Munson's greatest hits yesterday while i was trying to get gas (FOR A FUCKING HOUR AND A HALF, FUCK YOU IN YOUR GIANT SUV!!!) and i laughed my ass off and got chills at most of them. dude rules. here's a youtube "best of" tribute. enjoy.


my favorite call ever, When Herschel Walker scored his first touchdown as a freshman against Tennessee in 1980. "He’s running over people! He just ran right through two men...My God, a freshman."

The End For Smoltz?

say it ain't so. John Smoltz and his soon to be Hall Of Fame career might have finally come to end as John elected to have season ending surgery on his shoulder.

ok just give me a moment....FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay, that's beter.

this is the last year on his current contract and if you saw any of his press conference it didn't seem likely that he was coming back. this is the sort of thing that it's okay for groan men to cry about. Smoltz is and always will be my favorite Brave of all time. I'd love it more than anything if he could somehow come back...if only to pitch one more game at home and then call it quits. i'm not writing any eulogies for the man's career just yet. i'm gonna continue believing he'll come back until he says he can't.

Positive Vibes Friday: Nix To Sanders

Nix to Sanders. what a fucking combo.

beating Bama.


beating Florida.

Do You Think I Can Rock a Pair Of Bo Jackson Trainer Dunks?

Nike is coming out with some Bo Jackson inspired dunks. which makes no sense to me at all, considering Bo didn't play basketball and his been retired for a long ass time now, but whatever. i still might get a pair.

Nobody Told Us That Charlton Heston Was Dead

peace out Chuck. somebody just told us you was dead and so i will pour a forty out for you sometime in the near future. Chuck was batshit crazy and mad for guns, but he did fight those damn dirty apes and for that we will always love him.

My 300th Post...

...is actually something i posted when i first started this site and posted on my other blog as well. but i like it, so i am posting it again.


in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a astrick should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.

Bo Jesus

I'm still really stoked about the idea of Tecmo Bo making his return from video game retirement and onto my Nintendo DS...NFL licence or not. we want Bo Jackson.