Peyton loses in the 1st Round Again! imagine that.

I'd like to take this moment to extend a big thank you to Mighty Mouse (aka Darren Sproles) for his heroic efforts against the gay robot known as Peyton Manning and his always overrated Colts. It's not that I hate Peyton (it's ironically the Chargers that I can't stand) but it's the media's love affair with Manning that drives me nuts. Mostly I am grateful we won't have to suffer through talk of an all Manning Super Bowl. Now all I need is for The Eagles to lose today and I'll feel a little bit better about that Falcons loss yesterday....

Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm still depressed. At least I've got Peyton with me, but he's probably used to this by now.

shit fuck shit

Good season Atlanta........

...But this game was some horseshit. How fitting was it that Keith Brooking killed us with that blown coverage? Fuck his sorry old cracker ass. Cut him now and leave him in Arizona for the coyotes to feast upon.

FUCK!!!!!!

Still a great season. I believe in this team (minus Brooking) and the future looks very bright. That being said these are the Falcons and that means anything horrible is possible. Goddamn it.

FALCONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hell to the Yes. It's Playoff time! Arizona, we are coming to whip your ass today...and by We i mean Michael Turner, Matt Ryan, Roddy White, John Abraham, and the rest of the Falcons...i'll be at home drinking and doing the Dirty Bird.

KICK OUT THE JAMS, MOTHERFUCKER!

ALABAMA DONE PULLED AN OKLAHOMA

What in tarnation done happened?

UTAH SPEED!!!!! It kills, apparently.

After the shitty season I just endured I should probably soak up some of this Bama misery for myself and enjoy it, but taking pleasure in other peoples pain is so 2008. Besides Utah probably would have beaten Auburn by 60. That being said this was just Bama pulling one of their classic moves of getting beaten by some random ass team that half their fanbase hath never heard of before anyways. It comes along with those 37 national titles and shrines to the Bear.

But yeah I was shocked. I thought Alabama losing Andre Smith might have a slight effect on the Tide's ability to run the football and protect John Parker Wilson, but I had no idea it was gonna turn Utah's front 7 into the 2005 Auburn Tiger Iron Bowl Sack Machine. I kept wondering if Stanley McClover was secretly on the Utes d-line doing his best to turn JPW in Brodie 2. Damn! And for the non-BCS conference haters I will say to you, eat a bag of dicks. Utah is fucking good and outside of Florida, Texas, Oklahoma, & USC I think they'd take out any team in the country. But no, they didn't even get to sniff that BCS trophy...which is all the more reason we should all be screaming PLAYOFF!!! Also its time to give the Mountain West an automatics bid. They have 2 top 10 teams this year and are undefeated in their BCS bowl matchups. Just sayin'.

On another Auburn related note, how much you want to bet that if Auburn hadn't already hired Gene Chzik that Kyle Whittingham would be getting that coaching job today? Hell there probably were a lot of people saying let's go ahead anf fire Chizik now and hire this guy to come in...he can beat Saban. Regardless the good jobs are all gone but that dude is about to be rich as shit next year. Also I was a little inspired to hope that if Auburn can actuallly grasp the concept of Spread Eagle 2 then success againt the Tide may come very quickly, it sure as shit eliminated Alabama's size advantage for Utah...but then again having receiver's who can catch the ball and break tackles probably doesn't hurt either.

In summation I give major props to my Bama loving friend Mr. Bloggins who took the loss about as well as any member of the Tide nation could and it wasn't until the final John Parker sack that he shot his TV with a rifle and ran out into the night looking for a Mormon to pick a fight with. Good times.

a little shameless self promotion

Lil' Scrappy wrote this song to get you pumped up for just about anything you can imagine. it works without fail.

if Auburn really wants to turn the football program around they need to quit playing fucking P.O.D. before they run out on the field and instead invest in a good Dirty South Crunk Jam. that's what the players listen to anyways.

regardless of all that Mr. JR Suicide (that's me) and my good friend and fellow blogger KennieBloggins will be DJing at the GO Bar a week from today, January 9th for our first ever CRUNK & DISORDERLY DJ Night. it's a night of nothing but Dirty South Crunk/Hip Hop and 70s/80s Punk Rock. Lil' Wayne and The Misfits...two great tastes that taste great together. our goal will be the clear the dance floor in less than 2 songs. so if you live in the city of Athens, GA and are in the mood to alternate between the Get Low and the Pogo then come out and enjoy the tunes.

"I'll tattoo my name on your ass" is my catch phrase for 2009

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Everyone Hates Brett

lost in the shuffle of Bowlmania and general holiday drunkeness is how much i am enjoying the shit talking coming outta New Jersey/New York about John Madden's favorite son, Brett Lorenzo Favre.

it's always fun to see a royal douchebag like Favre get exposed for being the true dickhead he is by teammates and anonymous sources (more teammmates) after the Jets late season collapse that got their coach fired and sent Bretty back to Gulfport, Mississippi with a serious case of Karma whipping his country bumpkin ass. i have always thought that Favre was a selfish, overrated, douchebag and it makes me smile to see his New York experiment blow up in his fucking face like this. i'm sure the people of Wisconsin are being kept a little warmer this cold winter knowing that Brett is getting what he deserves. it would be awesome if the Jets just did us a favor and ended the whole "will he/won't he?" retire bit and tell Favre to fuck off. but you and i both know that's not gonna happen. also watching all the Favre apologists rush to Brett's defense on ESPN and the like is enough to make me shoot the TV, Elvis Style.

Leach vs. Nutt, In The Batshit Crazy Bowl

vs.

it's an all SEC bowl day for you fans of College Football's Southern variety. the Sugar Bowl may be the BCS contributor, but it's the Cotton Bowl that has me the most excited. if only because it's a chance to watch to genuine nutballs in Houston Nutt and Mike Leach match "wits". ironically these were both guys rumored for the Auburn opening. Leach and his band of Pirates will bring their pass-a-palooza to Dallas and set the Rebels sorry secondary on fire for about 50 points or so, but it's likely that the Red Raiders won't bother playing a lick of defense and Ole Miss may be able to Wild Rebel up the score a bit as well. i'm think this game is gonna have one of those Playstation-esq scores of 55-45 before the dust finally settles. and then it's off the NFL for Michael Crabtree and Graham Harrell as Leach just replaces their parts and continues onward like nothing ever changes. i like the Red Raiders to win, but don't be surprised to see them get Nutted upon like so many SEC teams have in the past.

Brand New Year, same old Bullshit

oh New Year's Day, why must i always endure your wrath through blood shot eyes?

so after a couple of uninspiring early day matchups i've settled in with my hangover, bottle of blue powerade, and box of Little Ceaser's pizza to watch the annual USC asswhipping of a Big 10 opponent aka the Rose Bowl. god, where to begin? the open cheerleading for the Trojans football team from the Herbiebot and Lee Corso (who exclaimed that USC was screwed out of the national title game) is enough to embarrass even a hardcore USC fan.

that being said this game is fucking brutal. poor Joe Pa. the Trojans are murdering his team and reminding the world that they really are the most badass football team in all the land. if College Football ever does go to the playoff system i can't imagine the Trojans not winning the championship most years (unless they have to play Oregon State in the 1st round). you can chant SEC as loud as you want but the Trojans have owned our proud Southern asses this decade in head to head matchups. I'm an Auburn fan, i know.

USC should just leave the Pac 10 and become a Harlem Globetrotters-esq team traveling from town to town whipping your team's ass and winning forever, or they could just move to Detroit and take the Lions' place.

the Nerds finally prevail

Vandy won a bowl game! Wrap your tiny brain around that shit.

The Vanderbilt Commodores are bowl game winners over Boston College who was the runner up in the ACC. Which means Vandy lost to the worst team in the ACC in Duke but somehow managed to beat a team that had won it's previous 9 bowl trips. Sometimes the world is a crazy place.

I've been rooting for Vanderbilt to just make it to a bowl as long as I've been aware of how sorry they were, which is basically most of my football watching life, so to see them pull off their improbable 5-0 start followed by a 1-6 slide that barely got them bowl eligible and then to have have them pull off a big time upset like this...well it makes me proud, almost as much as if they were my own favorite team. As much as I hated enduring Auburn's Season Of Death, the loss to Vandy almost feels worth it when I watched them take their final knee and claim victory. 7-6...a winning season. Who the fuck would have ever imagined such a thing?

2008 may have been a shitty year all around but Obama and The 'Dores were there to remind me that sometimes you just gotta have faith.

my last post of the year

So I've been without the internet for about 4 days and I've been doing all my blogging via my fancy new g1 (that's the Google phone in case you ain't hip to the know) and it's a bit of a pain in the ass to be honest and so my blogging output has been down of late. I was planning a big Collge Football 08 in Review post full of pointless awards and top 10 moments and the like, but that shit'll have to wait. So instead I give you my new years resolutions...

1. Cut the cursing down by 50% on this blog...it ain't gonna fucking happen, but I'll try.
2. Be more positive....hahahahaha, yeah right.
3. Watch less internet porn.
4. Lose 30 pounds.
5. Quit making such quick knee jerk reactionary posts everytime something I don't like happens to my favorite teams.
6. Master the triple option on NCAA 2009 and shatter all rushing records.
7. Quit being so lazy with my spelling, grammar, and punctuation. (Sorry Mrs. Scott)
8. Be more awesome.

Happy new year motherfuckers.

Go Vandy.

vacation time is over

So being a self-loathing Auburn fan these last few weeks just wasn't doing it for me...luckily my Tigers just served up aa big ole curveball with the hire of Gus Malzhan and suddenly the Long Winter doesn't seem nearly as bleak. So a return to optimism is in order (easier said than done from a blog that focuses on failure, defeat, and thoughts of suicide as related to the watching of football.)

so yeah i'm back on the HOPE & CHANGE ticket. all positive vibes all the time.

"Yes we can" and all that because like it or not friends and foes, the Spread Eagle is back for it's sequel....Spread Eagle 2: Electric Boogaloo.

chad pennington gets his revenge

What a totally awesome final week of the season.

11 wins for the falcons!!
The cowboys got their asses kicked. Romo sucks.
Al gets his vengence as the raiders knock the bucs out.
The patriots are staying home....hahahaha.
The panthers got lucky. Damn!

Hey I Wonder If Mitch Mustain Wants to come too...

i'm starting to take the Bob Marley, everything's gonna be alright, attitude regarding Auburn. they retained Willis...that was a good start, and now they've made a big splash by bringing in Gus Malzahn from Tulsa (formerly of Arkansas) to be the new offensive coordinator. Tulsa had the second best offense in the nation and just in case you were wondering, yes they do run the spread or are at least spreadish. so maybe some of those recruits might wanna reconsider coming on back to the Plains. Ray Cotton, it's not too late young man. so yeah, maybe the sky hasn't fallen that far after all. so much for boring old smash mouth football.

Fuck & Yes!

my big question, why didn't they just hire him last season?

War Damn Tuberville

war eagle reader posted it first, but it's so fucking good i had to give it some love here as well.

Peace Out Tommy. Thank You Forever.



and hey it's the first good news in a while. Chizik is keeping James Willis as the linebacker coach and most notable and more importantly as a recruiter. i'm glad to see Auburn make at least one move that hasn't been idiotic.

Pat White 4 Ever

The First Ever 4 year starting QB to go 4-0 in Bowl Games. the greatest running QB of all time (sorry Vick). you beat UGA, Oklahoma, and whipped Auburn's ass. you kissed Erin Andrews. you are one of the 10 most exciting college football players of my lifetime. i'm gonna miss watching you in random Thursday night Big East matchups. if college football players were bands you'd be Fugazi...never selling out to make it big time but always solid and always putting on a great show. Thanks Pat White. you fucking ruled. i hope you somehow end up a Falcon...just cuz it'd be fun to see you running the wildcat in the NFL and returning kicks and being awesome.

My Football X-Mas Wishlist

i'm asking Santa for 10 things to change in the game of football.

1. a 16 team College Football playoff. i'll settle for 8, but really...i want all 16. 11 conference champions and 5 at large seeds.

2. since we aren't getting a playoff anytime soon then please take away the Big East's automatic bid. the Mountain West was a far better conference this year and had 2 legit BCS bowl quality teams in TCU and Utah, plus BUY and Air Force both had solid years as well. but really we need to allow more than 2 teams from a conference to get into BCS bowls if there are 3 who are deserving. the fact that Texas Tech isn't in a BCS bowl and Ohio State got in is a crime.

3. let's strengthen some weaker conferences. make Boise State leave the WAC and join either the Pac 10 (with Utah) or join the Mountain West and make the Mountain West a BCS conference. since we aren't gonna let the Big East be part of the BCS anymore let's go ahead and steal away West Virginia and South Florida and swap them out with two of the shittier ACC teams and then have Pitt go join the Big 10 and create the crazy world of 2 BIG 12s!!!

4. make Oregon pick two uniforms (one home and one away) and make them stick with that. and No more fucking Emo Wings!!!

5. get rid of the Coaches poll. it's useless. those fuckers have no idea who is good and who isn't if they aren't playing or scouting them.

6. DO NOT LET THE NFL GO TO A 17 GAME SEASON. that's just another game that'll prevent your team from making the playoffs. also, it's maybe time to think about adding 2 more teams to the NFL playoffs...i mean right now it feels perfect but when you've got multiple 10 win teams not making the playoffs it kinda sucks for the fans.

7. seed the playoffs based on the teams with the best records. just cuz you won your division doesn't mean you should have the right to host shit.

8. Free Darren McFadden from the Raiders. or better yet free the Raiders from Al Davis. come on Death, you really had to take Paul Newman this year over Undead Al?


9. Stop Roger Goodell from letting NFL teams play in other countries. i'm glad they stopped the China thing, but letting the Bills play games in Canada is just as bad.

10. Get rid of that fucking dancing robot on FOX!!!


and a special bonus request: No More Favre Watch. he retires or he doesn't, but don't bore us with the 24/7 coverage.

Yes Jimmy Clausen, there is a Santa Clause AKA maybe Notre Dame should join the WAC

So when the Irish decide they are finally gonna win a bowl game they really go out and whip that ass. you might as well call that the most impressive win of the Charlie Weis-era (i'm sure the boosters and trustees think 80 bazillion dollars is worth a win against a lousy Hawaii team). Jimmy Clausen had like 800 yards passing and half of his td output of the season. i still don't see a future NFL QB. regardless the longest Bowl losing streak is now officially over. Merry X-Mas Charlie, you douchebag.

so how long do the reactionary pundits at ESPN wait before they start propping Notre Dame up as a BCS contender next year? oh wait, it's already started...

PLAYOFFS MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy fucking shit! The Falcons. The Dirty Birds. The Shakespearean Tragedy that is the NFL's Atlanta Franchise is going to the motherfucking playoffs!!!!

SUCK IT!!!!!!

This rules so hard that i can't even complete thoughts.

Matt Ryan you are officially no longer known as Fucknuts McWhitey. i have never been so happy to be so fucking wrong about a player in my whole life. just go ahead and disregard all this horse shit that i wrote. i know nothing about football. you fucking rule. ROOKIE OF THE YEAR, MVP, BEST FALCONS QB EVER!!!!! you're still a big fucking dork, but goddamn you rule.

Mike Smith, i love you.

Michael Turner, thanks for proving me wrong when i said you'd just be Lamont Jordan.

Roddy White and Michael Jenkins....thanks for remembering that you guys were football players this year. what used to be this teams biggest weakness has become an unquestionable strength.

John Abraham is a beast...the rest of the defense could use some work...but hey, you guys do just enough to win. thank you.

THE FALCONS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!! WRAP YOUR FUCKING MIND AROUND THAT SHIT MOTHERFUCKER!!!

You don't have to get me anything for X-mas (other than a new AD for Auburn) because the Falcons gave me the best present all year.

and to make this all the sweeter, if Atlanta beats the shitty Rams next weekend and Carolina loses to the Saints, the Falcons will become the #2 Seed!!!! BOOM!!!!!! my mind just exploded.

Bowl-O-Rama Kicks Off

Navy vs. Wake Forest....why i am watching this?