fucking Braves

fire Fredi. throw Lowe in the trash. burn down Atlanta again.

at least the fucking Red Sox lost...that way we will never ever hear about the Braves choking ever again.

being a Falcons fan is never a thing of joy

So the Falcons were able to somehow steal a win from an Eagles team that is obviously better than them by knocking Mike Vick the fuck out. It's a cheap way to win a game but I'll take it.

But honestly I have no faith in this Falcons squad. The defense sucks. The offensive line can't block. Matt Ryan looks like he's regressing. And Mike Turner looks slow and old. The playcalling is some of the most vanilla ass predictable bullshit in the enitre NFL....especially among teams who are supposedly contenders. And with Tampa being a young and talented team on the rise and Carolina having that Newton fella throwing for 400 yards everygame...well I don't know if I believe that Atlanta is going to be owning the NFC South anytime soon. To me Atlanta is going to struggle to get a playoff spot. The Saints look much better in their first two games than the Falcons did. I see 9-7 or 8-8 as a very real possibility. Hell if they went 6-10 I wouldn't even be that shocked. This team just doesn't seem nearly as talented as a year ago. Sure I know I am the most whiny pessimistic fan a team could ever have, but goddamnit....being a Falcons fan just fucking sucks most of the time. This is the golden age of the franchise and I can't ever see a Super Bowl with the current group of players. No fucking way they could get past The Packers. Hell I don't like their chances with an Eagles rematch either...no matter who Philly has behind center. Young, Kafka, Vick...it doesn't matter, it's McCoy, Maclin, and Jackson that make that machine run. Right now i'd have to put Atlanta behind Green Bay, New Orleans, Philadelphia, Chicago, Dallas, and Detroit as far as talent in the NFC. Yeah Detroit. Who is gonna stop Suh from murdering Ryan? Who can cover Calvin Johnson in the Falcons secondary? Shit I'm not even sure Tampa Bay isn't the 2nd best team in Atlanta's own division. Ughhh. Fuck it. One day I will finally stop caring about this stupid team.

So long Tigers, Thanks For the Memories...

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS totally useless Top 25

1. LSU
2. Alabama
3. Oklahoma
4. Wisconsin
5. Stanford
6. Boise State
7. Nebraska
8. Arkansas
9. Oklahoma State
10. Florida
11. South Carolina
12. FSU
13. Texas A&M
14. Virginia Tech
15. Oregon
16. South Florida
17. Georgia Tech
18. Clemson
19. West Virginia
20. Houston
21. Baylor
22. USC
23. Texas
24. North Carolina
25. Vandy!!!

i can't believe i wasted a beautiful day watching that shitty football game

Ugggh. I guess Auburn finally ran out of Cam's magic pixie dust. Oh well. It has been so long since Auburn actually lost a game that I kinda forgot how bad it felt.

What can I say about this game? During the 1st quarter it looked Auburn was gonna run away with this game...but then a stupid punt return by Trevon Reed and a bad return by Tre Mason and suddenly Auburn's defense completely lost their momentum and Clemson just started scoring at will and that was pretty much it.

On offense Auburn got way too many players involved instead of just feeding Dyer over and over again until that stopped working. Mason shouldn't be getting any carries that aren't in junk time and McCalebb is best used as a secondary back. I get sick of him getting those wrap around handoffs that go for nothing. As for our QB...he is servicable at best. He misses so many wide open reads and is almost zero threat to run and he made two horrible throws into coverage. One that was dropped by the Clemson defender and other that killed any chance Auburn had at making a comeback. I have seen enough of him. Auburn's streak is over. They are not going to win the SEC West. Losing to Clemson basically means Auburn is probably a 6 or 7 win team at best. Play the goddamn highly rated Freshman QB and bench the guy who prob wouldn't start at Kentucky. I will never understand playing experience over talent.

The words I have for Auburn's shitty zone defense are just not worth uttering in case children find this site. Fuck Ted Rood. Thanks for being part of the title but I give most of that credit to Tracy Rocker. They can not stop anyone from doing anything and they make me want to die.

Uggh. Now I must go drink.

Early Cuyler and T-Pain are not fans of Auburn

Auburn Sucks! in autotune. this needs to be my ringtone. one of the funniest episodes of Squidbillies ever. the Stone Mountain laser show with shoutouts to the SEC was pretty amazing as well. still not as funny as the Original Gator Hater...but close.

Auburn Sucks! Auburn Is Amazing!

sorry America, but no team wants to ruin your day more than my Auburn Tigers. the more people doubt them, the more likely they are to pull a motherfucking miracle out their motherfucking asses. and such is life. i thought the magic pixies dust that covered the orange and blue had flew it's ass off to the nfl and was now wearing shades of silver and blue in different cities of the NFL nation...but i guess Cam Newtown left some of that Cammy Juice in the locker room and Barrett Trotter is hiding it in his locker. 2 games into 2011 and the Tigers STILL aren't losing to anyone (no matter how hard they may try to do it). they don't look pretty at all and they sure as shit don't look like a team that could win more than 7 games...and yet if this team somehow went like 9-3 would i even be shocked? not really. looking at the rest of the schedule the only games i don't automatically see Auburn being able to put up a win are....well none of them. even Bama and LSU for all their amazing talent on defense don't seem indestructable. neither of their offenses seem built to withstand a good old fashioned shoot out. do i really think the Tigers have a chance in hell at winning the SEC west in '11? lord no. but do i see Auburn making every damn game they play interesting for the rest of the season despite a complete lack of experience on their team? totally.

War Damn Eagle! it is good to be an Auburn Tiger.

...and now for A Lifetime Of Defeats Completely Pointless Top 25

1. LSU
2. Alabama
3. Oklahoma
4. Wisconsin
5. Stanford
6. Boise State
7. FSU
8. Arkansas
9. Nebraska
10. Oklahoma State
11. South Carolina
12. Michigan State
13. Auburn
14. Florida
15. Texas A&M
16. Tennessee
17. Virginia Tech
18. Oregon
19. South Florida
20. Georgia Tech
21. West Virginia
22. Houston
23. Baylor
24. Mississippi State
25. USC

i've had the desire to yell "War Damn Eagle" at random strangers on brisk Fall afternoons yet again.

it's been a long and depressing offseason. the afterglow of Auburn's national championship has left me with the same feeling i had when i lost my virginity...which is to say i was so glad that finally happened but the next time i hope it goes a lot smoother. the preseason prognosticators have predicted doom and gloom for our Tigers. i myself said last season that i fully expected Auburn to be a 7-5 team next year BUT that assuming Khiel Frazier is developed this season as a QB that Auburn stood a goddamn good chance of being back in the SEC and BCS title hunts for the 2012 and 2013 seasons. but living in a rival school's hometown has left my ears full of the bitterness that is UGA football fandom (nice uniforms, btw...you NIke whores) and their predictions (dirty little fantasies) of seeing Auburn go 4-8. basically the running narrative for this offseason is what a fluke/perfect storm 2010 was, that our coaches aren't any good, and that we will be lucky to beat Ole Miss. i call bullshit on that. the only games i predict being a total longshot are LSU and Arkansas. we've learned the last two seasons that Auburn isn't gonna roll over and fucking die against Alabama and assuming the Tide is in the title hunt you know Auburn will get up for that game. Clemson and USC are teams Auburn just never loses to and i expect them to at least go 1-1 vs the South Carlonia schools. i don't see Auburn losing at home to Mississippi State or Ole Miss. you know they are gonna give those Gators all they can handle. and i am of the opinion UGA is in for a horrible season that will put an end to the Richt era and so i wouldn't be surprised if UGA doesn't have a whole lot to play for when Auburn rolls into Athens. my best case scenario for 2011 is that Auburn finished the regular season at 9-3, tied for 2nd or 3rd in the West and gets a New Year's bowl game (likely the Cotton or Outback) but has a lot of momentum built up for 2012. my worst case scenario is that Auburn loses a lot of really close games and ends up with a 6-6 record and a trip to the Liberty (or whatever lower tier bowl the SEC has). i can swallow a 6-6 year as long as there's a lot of development being shown by Auburn's talented true and redshirt freshmen who are gonna be making up the bulk of the team's roster.

quick QB thoughts:

i will be the first to admit that i was less than thrilled to hear Barrett Trotter named Auburn's starting QB...a player that has to rank right up with Chris Todd as the least talented starter in the last 20 years, but Malzhan was able to make Todd into some kind of productive and useful starter in 2009 and so i would expect nothing less with Trotter. i would however like to assume that at the exact point Auburn is eliminated from any chance to reclaiming the SEC West crown that the keys to the offense will be handed over to our talented incoming Freshman QB (before our other talented Freshman QB shows up next season) and see if the kid lives up to the hype. starting a freshman is never ideal at QB but i have always been of the opinion that you go with the guy with the most talent...not the guy who has been hanging around the longest.

3 things i want to see from Auburn in 2011:

1. a big upset over either Bama, LSU, Florida, or UGA (all games Auburn will likely not be favored in...even though i predict UGA will suck)

2. Khiel Frazier as Auburn's QB at some point (hopefully after the team's 2nd loss) in the season.

3. a defense that can actually shut some team's down in the conference ever so often.

anyways, i am finally getting excited again that the season is almost here. i'll be at the home opener ready to cheer on the Tigers rocking my 2010 BCS title shirt and ready to drop an F-bomb or 5 the first time Auburn doesn't score a TD on a drive.

War Eagle, you fuckers.

free music from my favorite Atlanta, GA band

my boys, Turf War, are some drunk hooligans from Atlanta who just recorded a new song that's gonna be the anthem of summer 2011...or at the very least a song that you'll put on a mixtape. it's called "Summer time booze" and they want you to have it for free.

so download that shit here and thank me later.

Latest tracks by turfwar

your running themes for the 2011 MLB from ESPN

Yankees/Sawx
the Yanks lose 3 in a row: what's wrong with the Yankees?
Phillies are so great, why do the other teams in the NL exist?
Albert Puljos: wouldn't he make a great Yankee or Sawk?
it's August and the Mets are in last place, but we think they can make a run this year.
do they still play baseball out west?
Yankees vs. Red Sox: why can't they just play everyday?

just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you

Wow, that was the most useless thing HBO has aired since the Sopranos finale.

4 bitter ex players claiming they got paid. The only guy I would've believed was worth any money was McClover whose former teammates claim he blew all his NFL cash on strippers and now has an axe to grind. Another player Ramsey of course has tried to sue the program because of a back injury, another guy who didn't even set foot on the field, and another who is pissed about not getting a job. If a former player like Carlos Rogers was making these claims then I would be worried. But I'm just not losing any sleep over this. Sorry, unless there is some actual proof all this is going to result in is more ugly coverage and mudslinging from espn and a bunch of longwinded and whiny blog rants about how Auburn should get the death penalty from UGA fans who are pissed at the fact they are NEVER going to win a national title ever again because they can't beat Florida.

I'm not naive enough to believe that some shady shit hasn't gone down at Auburn in the past, but until there is an actual smoking gun that the NCAA finds then all of this is nothing more than talk. Lots and lots of talk.

2011 has been pretty interesting for Auburn

Win a national title.

Bring in a kickass top 10 recruiting class.

Get trees killed by lunatic Alabama fan.

Have 4 players arrested for armed robbery and kicked off the team.

What the fuck is next?

so much for Cyrus Kan'tbotherlookinguphowtospellhisfuckingname.

that 5 star tackle dude picked Bama instead. whatever. Auburn still has a top offensive line class and a top 10 recruiting class by all the major sites that rank that sorta thing. when's Spring practice start?

recruiting is like crack: 2011 edition

national signing day is upon us. so far Auburn has landed 24 recruits. there’s always a possibility of them adding another player but likely this will be the class. Auburn’s only loss was 4 star Linebacker/Runningback Brent Calloway who decided to choose Alabama over Auburn.

the real prize of the day was when Auburn landed the #1 offensive tackle in the country, Cyrus Kouandjio (noone in Auburn is going to be able to pronounce that dudes last name. just sayin’). that gives Auburn by far the best offensive line class in the country to go with the #4 tackle, #3 guard, and #1 center. hopefully this is a group Auburn can build another title around.

some other guys to be excited about are 5 star linebacker Kris Frost, 4 star runningbacks Quan Bray and Tre Mason, QB Khiel Frazier, and the best defensive back class in the nation headed by Jermaine Whitehead…and after last season if there is anything Auburn needs worse than anything are some fucking DBs who can cover.

Auburn will likely end up with another top 10 and possibly top 5 class once the day is done. i expected a lot of these kids to be playing next season as true freshmen with all of Auburn’s player losses and with the lack of depth thanks to Tuberville’s weak recruiting classes in his final two years. but 2 straight years of solid recruiting from Chizik and his staff let us all know that Auburn is going to be back in the SEC and BCS title hunt sooner rather than later.

so let's celebrate with a gratuitous picture of Lyla Garrity (Minka Kelly) in her underwear.

War Damn Eagle


update. currently Auburn is ranked #7 by Rivals, #1 by Scout, and #2 by ESPN but i guess that 5 star tackle dude whose name i can't pronounce is waffling on his choice of the TIgers. i'm gonna go ahead and assume he's gonna sign elsewhere. regardless it's a solid class that added some much needed talent on the offensive line and in the secondary.

thinking about the 2011 season, already

So Darvin Adams is gone.
Nick Fairley is gone.
Cam Newton is gone.
The O-Line is gone.
Most of the D-Line is gone.
Bynes and Stevens are gone.
Etheridge, Washington, Savage...gone.
Byrum and Shoemaker...gone.

So where does that leave the 2011 version of the Auburn Tigers? Young and inexperienced and with a murderous schedule with roadtrips to UGA, LSU, South Carolina, Arkansas, & Clemson. Not to mention Florida, Mississippi State, and Alabama on the schedule too. If Auburn goes 5-7 would you be shocked?

Luckily Auburn fans are going to be way too high on this season's title to get too depressed about what happens next season. As long as Auburn wins a few big games and shows some growth in their young players I think 2011 is going to be just fine. I think 2012 will be Auburn's real goal for getting back to Atlanta and beyond.

On offense Auburn's #1 question is going to be who is our QB. Trotter will most likely have the edge but if Auburn is smart they will start Khiel Frazier. What better way to suffer through a tough year than breaking in a true freshman QB stud? The other big question is who is gonna start on the o-line. Auburn's had some pretty good recruits in last year's class and the likely incoming group, there's a good chance we might see 3 freshmen....which after being spoiled by the group we are losing could lead to a lot of screaming and hairpulling, but again why not suffer through next season and break in the young talent? Finding playmakers at wideout will also be a big priority after losing our top 2 pass catchers. This is an area I feel like won't be as big a problem. Auburn still has Emory Blake and Lutzenkirchen (who I expect to be a huge part of the offense next year) as well as Carr who showed some potential and then there's all that potential receiver talent that the Tigers have recruited the last few years. Benton has yet to prove his former 5 star ranking but Trevon Reed will be expected to make an impact.

Luckily the Tigers have a solid running game to carry the offense and have the potential for 2 thousand yard rushers with Dyer and McCalebb. if anything, 2011 is set to be The Michael Dyer show and gets the ball rolling towards his push for the 2012 Heisman. oh yeah, i am getting greedy.

Even missing Bynes, Fairley, Stevens, and everyone else I think the defense could be better next season...it's hard to imagine that it could be worse. It'll be young but there's some talent hitting the Plains. Expect to see a lot of freshmen and sophomores next year.

I choose to believe that despite the fact Auburn is going to be very young next year and has a tougher schedule than the 2010 Tigers had that Auburn still has enough talent and a creative enough offensive coordinator to at least win 7 or 8 games and set up Auburn for a chance at the 2012 SEC title.

Falcons still the Falcons

Just when I was feeling all high on my Auburn Tigers BCS title, I can always count on the Atlanta Falcons to bring me back to Earth.

That was fucking depressing.

Goodbye Kodi, I'm gonna miss you most of all.

and so it is time we say goodbye to our 2010 National Champion Auburn Tigers, the most exciting Auburn team in my lifetime. the 2004 squad will probably always be the most dominant and talented, but 2010 will always be the the most special. Cam and Nick were the superstars. the offensive line were the backbone. but Kodi Burns will always be the heart. from the moment he came to Auburn he has done whatever he was asked to help make Auburn better. the moment he lost his starting job to Chris Todd and was asked to move to wide receiver and he decided NOT to transfer and to stick around he solidified himself as an All Time Auburn Great. he personified the words Unselfish and Leader. not to mention he blocked his ass off better than any Auburn wideout i can ever remember. it seems only fitting that his loan touchdown catch of the season was saved for his final game. in a game full of plays that i'll never forget, that was what got the ball rolling. thank you Kodi Burns for being an Auburn Man. i'm never gonna forget #18.

So Long Cam, thanks for everything...well almost everything

to the shock of exactly noone, Cam Newton is going pro...as he honestly should. his NFL stock will never be higher, especially when nearly his entire offensive line is going to be replaced next season. anyone who gets mad as kids for leaving early is probably a douchebag anyways.

so long Cam and thanks for the most amazing/exciting/scary/controversial/fucking awesome season i’ve ever had as an Auburn Tigers fan. i never thought i’d live to see the day where i’d consider someone other than Bo Jackson as the greatest Tiger of all time. we may have only had 1 year together, but damn it was a good year. good luck in the NFL. do us proud on Sundays. go get paid son. i just hope you don't end up in Washington like poor JC.

Auburn's SI Cover

as soon as the damn snow and ice melts and i can actually leave my house i will hunting down my SI issue for framing. i guess i need to find a good national champions shirt or hoodie as well (although Auburn needs to step it up in the design department because the stuff i've seen online kinda sucks). then of course i'll need to buy the SI hardcover book and the dvd and the football and so on and so forth. an Auburn based economy is just the thing to get us out of this recession.

i'm not sure if i can call my blog A Lifetime of Defeats anymore.

it's been 2 days now and things have finally sunk in. monday night was real. Auburn is the 2010 BCS National Champion. can you wrap your brain around that? did this seem even remotely possible at the end of the 2008 season? being a lifetime pessimist and someone used to having his heart ripped out by his favorite teams i never ever believed Auburn would ever finally clinch an outright national title. and yet it really fucking happened. i'm still at a loss for words to say how i feel.

I can't even lie. Watching the title game was not an enjoyable event for me. I was a nervous mess the whole night. Everytime something went wrong for the Tigers I felt like I was going to puke. It was borderline torture at points. But Auburn kept making the plays it had to make and keeping my heart from completely exploding in my chest. When Oregon tied the game up 19-19 I even said, "Auburn is gonna lose." I could feel the misery setting in. I started to wonder what were the chances Auburn would ever get another shot at this. And then Dyer made his "he's down, oh shit he's not down" run. And I finally perked up. I started to have visions of Wes Byrum's kick vs Florida dancing in my head. And then when Dyer blasted through Oregon's line for what I thought was the game winning touchdown I fell onto the floor and began to weep for joy. Of course it was reviewed and he has down at the 1 and all Byrum had to do was make a chip shot and we were champs...but I could barely even watch it. My heart was racing. My stomach was in knots. It's up. It's good!!!!!!!!! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! The Tigers are champs! Auburn are the national champions! Can you even believe it? Is it real? I thought it I died right that second it wouldn't have been so bad.

The high still hasn't worn off. I've been in this endless fog. It's a weird feeling. I remember talking to a friend of mine who was a Red Sox fan and how he told me that winning the World Series was amazing not only because he'd been waiting for that moment his whole life but because now the Sox were just another team who'd won a World Series. And now that's how I feel too. For all my angst and anxiety of being an Auburn fan all these years I could finally just enjoy rooting for my team and know that no metter whatever happens the rest of my life that no other moment would ever be this special again. And because of that I can just root for my Tigers and never get as worked up or miserable about winning or losing ever again. It feels amazing. And in a way it feels kind of sad. But it's a good sad.


thank you Nick Fairley, you giant half bear half man force of destruction. are you the dirtiest Auburn player of all time? fuck yeah, you are. you are a mean ass sonofabitch and i'd hate the shit out of you too if i was one of those pussyass UGA fans. but you are ours and for that i love you.


i've never been more happy to be so wrong about anything in my entire life as calling Gene Chizik the worst hire possible. thanks Coach. i'm willing to forgive 3 straight years of mediocrity before i ever call for your head.


Thank you Wes Byrum. Chip shot or not it's the kick that made us champions!!! motherfucking champions!!!!

And of course thank you, Cam. But that almost needs to be left unsaid.

So War Damn Eagle, everyone. Enjoy this moment for a long, long time. I know I will.

Final Poll Of the Season

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25 Final Poll

1. Auburn Tigers
2. Oregon
3. TCU
4. Stanford
5. Ohio State
6. LSU
7. Alabama
8. Oklahoma
9. Wisconsin
10. Nevada
11. Boise State
12. Arkansas
13. Oklahoma State
14. Mississippi State
15. Michigan State
16. Missouri
17. Va Tech
18. FSU
19. Texas A&M
20. South Carolina
21. Nebraska
22. UCF
23. Maryland
24. Tulsa
25. San Diego State