I Hope They Keep Emmitt Forever

so for anyone who witnessed Emmitt Smith in action last season as an analyst for ESPN, we got some rare treats in the art of the English language. now i will admit that my spelling and use of punctuation totally sucks...but then again nobody pays me to write this blog. Emmitt is paid to talk on television and give his in depth analysis on the game of football. the only real analysis he gives is that he didn't go to class much when he was at Florida.

some of his top quotes from last season.

"Wade [Phillips] inherit this success."
"And when defense felt my will, it was a total different game then."
"And then he come back and throw another pass and he drop it."
"This team have not played confident football in three weeks."
"He gets the ball over to their third read than most quarterback can."
"Mike Martz have this offense rollin'"
"He's gonna be the guy Tom Brady look for on third downs."
"He turn around and go deep on Dre' Bly"
"The leadership definitely have to come from the leaders."
'The Packers don't has a running game."
"That offense does... do look good."
"Don't worry about the game you just won or the team that we just blew out... uhhh... blown... blown out... Let's think about what we need to do going forward, and they had... blown out."
"That can be a swing their way eventually. I just hate to be the team that they winned it against"
"Brett Favre went into Dallas nine times and have a big goose egg."
"I love those style of play that the Tennessee Titans bring to the game."
"I'm concerned about a guy who fall down before get hits."

the top 3.
3. "You cannot change the stripes of a leopard."
2. "What happened tonight, the strength of the Patriots team got debacled."

and the greatest one of all time:
1. "Eli Manning has been given the rice of passage."

awesomeness. i hope Emmitt gets some draft coverage airtime so more fine lessons in speech can be given to the youth of America.

HAWKS!!!

catch the fever bitches! the Hawks made the fucking playoffs for the first time in ages, ending the NBA's longest drought. now it's onwards to get swept in the 1st round by the Celtics. hey, if you guys had just drafted Chris Paul this might've happened sooner and you might have a chance of getting out of the 1st round...just saying.

but seriously, these guys have no fucking chance against KG and the Celtics. it's gonna be ugly. like 4 straight blowouts ugly.

fucking baseball.

if this was 1999, then Atlanta would have the best pitching staff in baseball. but it's not. The Braves continue to lose games by one run. their pitchers are all an ancient and fragile lot. and the Phillies and Mets look to be better built for the long hall. and then of course the Marlins continue to defy logic and win games with triple A players. fuck it. every body's just trying to get paid.

Nobody Told Us That Charlton Heston Was Dead

peace out Chuck. somebody just told us you was dead and so i will pour a forty out for you sometime in the near future. Chuck was batshit crazy and mad for guns, but he did fight those damn dirty apes and for that we will always love him.

Positive Vibes Friday: Chomp This

so i admit to having a slight...okay sever negative outlook on life. it's a gift and a curse....kinda like being born in the South. i'm pretty much negative about everything i love. music, movies, books, people, and especially when it comes to the teams i root for in the world of sports. nothing good can ever come of my devotion or dedication to anything...especially a fucking college football team that can't win a national title no matter how many undefeated seasons they have in my lifetime, or a baseball team that chokes in the playoffs for the good part of a decade and a half and now looks to be sliding into irrelevance, or an NFL team that has never had back to back winning seasons. but there have been those rare moments in sports where i was actually thrown into fits of joy and rapture over the outcome of a game or a single play. and so today and every Friday from now on (til i get bored with this or i run out of things that made me happy or can't find the clips i need on youtube) Fridays will be a celebration of the good vibes i've gotten from the world of sports.

and so our inaugural voyage on Positive Vibes Friday.

2007 Auburn/Florida game. aka Wes Byrum is made of ice. so good he did it twice.

Drafting Your Team's Future Salary Cap Disaster (2008 edition)

So the NFL Draft is coming up soon and if you are like me your team has a top 10 pick that is more than likely gonna be either a complete bust or a respectable player with no actual star potential who never really earns that huge signing bonus and eventually he'll end up playing for another team in 4 years and helping that team reach a Super Bowl while your team keeps missing the playoffs and getting more top 10 busts.

Now usually the player most likely to bust is a QB...which makes sense as it is by far the hardest to transition from college to the NFL. the streets are littered with the likes of 1st round draft pick Quarterback busts. Tim Couch, Akili Smith, Rick Mirer, Dan McGwire, Cade McNown, Joey Harrington (oh wait...i forgot the Falcons gave him a fucking job), David Klingler, Andre Ware, Robo-QB Todd Marinovich, Heath Shuler, and poor old Ryan Leaf are all more punch lines than they are Quarterbacks. each of those players probably set back the franchises that drafted them anywhere from 3 to 5 seasons or in the Lions case for eternity as they drafted two of those dickheads. this draft has names like Ryan, Flacco, Henne, Brennan who could all become the next big punch lines for future NFL drafts. this year's draft offers a lot less talent, with only a couple of "sure thing/can't misses" in Darren McFadden, Jake Long, and more than likely Chris Long (even though i don't think he's worth the top pick in the draft...maybe top 10) but after those names it becomes a total crap shoot.

anyways here's my list of the top 10 likely first or second rounders in this year's class who are gonna be NFL busts.

1. Matt Ryan (QB, Boston College)- i think it's been well documented on this site about my overall fear/hatred/disgust at the love and admiration being heaped upon Matt Ryan this year. sometimes i think i am possibly being irrational, but then i think about it and i say, "no you are totally right, this guy sucks" and then i feel better. has there ever been a bigger divide between the opinions of most college football fans and NFL draft experts on the skill level of a player? "he makes all the throws" is the argument i always hear for Matty Ice. really? so 19 interceptions in a crappy ACC equals making all the throws. ok. let's be totally objective. is Matt Ryan as good as Jay Cutler? No. how bout Matt Leinart? nah bra. Brady Quinn. nope. Eli Manning, Phillip Rivers, Vince Young, or the guy everyone tries to compare him too Ben Roethlisberger? hell fuck no. so why is he being considered a top 5 pick worth risking the future of your franchise on? he isn't. i have a huge problem with taking a player as the number one pick in the draft after his senior season that wouldn't have even gotten drafted in the first 4 rounds if he'd gone pro as a junior. your stock doesn't improve that much in one season. anyways i've said enough about Ryan the past few months and honestly as long as he's not a Falcon then i could give a shit, but Ryan is always in my heart gonna be a bust until he shows me otherwise. and by shows me otherwise he has to win a fucking Superbowl like Eli did. really, i just think he's gonna end up the next Alex Smith and ask the 49ers how they are feeling about that pick.

2. DeSean Jackson (WR, California)- this year's Ted Ginn. more of a return man than a true wide receiver. a great value if he dropped to the 2nd round, but not worth the money you'd have to throw at him in the 1st round for Jackson to return punts...unless he becomes the next Devin Hester, which he won't.

3. Leodis McKelvin (CB, Troy)-maybe i'm wrong about this guy, but Troy got torched by the big time schools they played and i don't remember ever even hearing about this guys name until the combine. a big question mark for sure.

4. Fred Davis (TE, USC)- probably won't be a 1st round pick but likely will be the top tight end taken, so he's worth mentioning. let's see, skill player at USC who caught balls. so far they don't have much of a track record in the NFL. avoid.

5. Limas Sweed (WR, Texas)- did nothing his senior year. played in a conference with no corners. got shut down against Oklahoma.

6. Vernon Gholston (DE, Ohio State)- the classic example of a guy having the physical gifts but i don't actually believe he'll produce in the NFL.

7. Dan Connor (LB, Penn State)- okay seriously, if this guy played for Michigan State or Indiana would would even know who he was? awesome, so you are a slowish white Linebacker who can tackle slowish running backs in the Big 10. congratulations here's your huge check. have fun sitting the bench behind this 5th round pick we got out of Middle Tennessee State two years ago who make 400 thousand a year and leads the team in tackles. can you make sure the Gatorade buckets stay full? thanks.

8. Devin Thomas (WR, Michigan State)- a receiver from Michigan State, in the NFL. you mean like Carlos Rogers? nuff said.

9. Ray Rice (RB, Rutgers)- won't be a 1st round pick, but his name will get him taken a lot higher than he should go. i'm willing to beat he won't even make the team that drafts him.

10. Chad Henne (QB, Michigan)- got worse every year during college. is their some law that says all Michigan QBs must be drafted in the NFL? he's not the next Tom Brady. probably not even the next Brian Griese.

Vegas Baby

found this on my favorite Auburn blog, the goldmine.

The Vegas odds on winning the BCS title for 2008 for the top SEC teams.
Florida 6-1
Georgia 7-1
LSU 15-1
Auburn 40-1
Alabama 50-1
South Carolina 75-1
Arkansas 100-1
Kentucky 100-1
Tennessee 100-1

Kenny, you better call your bookie tonight and start laying it down on Florida.

i can't believe that Kentucky is getting the same odds as Tennessee. no love for Croom or Nutt.

Oh Memphis, You're Killing Me

and so it really was all about fucking free throws. i really hate it when the talking heads are right about something...cause you know that's all anyone will talk about today. free throws. fuck.

well the universal law that states that any team i root for is going to lose in a championship game still holds true. Memphis pulled one of the biggest choke jobs in the history on the NCAA tournament by giving up a 9 point lead in the final 2 minutes of the game, including a three at the end to tie it up. you could see the collapse coming as soon as Dorsey made that pointless foul near the end of the game that started Kansas on their run. and then of course all those missed free throws. once it went into overt time it was all but over. you could see that Memphis knew they'd snatched some defeat from the jaws of victory and Kansas was singing Rawk Chawk JayHawk or what the fuck ever.

whatever, the Memphis players shoulda been smoking blunts with Three Six Mafia after the game but instead they'll just have to settle for counting their millions in the NBA.

basketball blows. when does football start again?

Tonight, Memphis Be Rollin' Like Some Pimp Ass Champions

Tonight The Memphis Tigers will be too much for Brandon Rush and his Scottie Pippen fade. i predict the Tigers take it to the Jayhawks and win by at least 12. Derrick Rose will have 25 points. Chris Douglas-Roberts will have some sweet dunks. Dorsey will block all your shots and send Chaka Kahn back to Croatia or where ever the fuck he's from and basically it's gonna be awesome and we'll listen to Three Six Mafia until the sun comes back up.

expect a lot of this tonight.

or this

and then some of this

The Night The Fire Went Out In Paris

apparently some protesters in France put out the Olympic torch. how does that actually count as protesting? i used to do shit like that in highschool except it was called vandalism or being an asshole.

have they started playing football in the Olympics yet? no. okay, then i don't give a shit.

A Great Way To Spend A Sunday

spent Sunday at the ballpark watching the Braves play the Mets. Smoltz vs. Santana. it was a total pitchers duel for most of the game and then a homer by Teixeira in the 8th put the Braves on top for good. the bullpen still kinda sucks, even though they saved the game. too many walks. too many hits. Kotsay is an upgrade at centerfield this season. the guy makes plays, can hit, and has a fucking cannon. Escobar is gonna be a star. i really like this Braves team if the starting pitching stays healthy (minus Hampton). Smoltz looked good. the Braves took 2 from the Mets this weekend to climb into a tie for first. and best of all i had good seats on a nice cool day and got to see some good pitching and a win. best way to spend your sunday ever.

Bracket Busters: Bracket Now Officially Busted

so last night i sat down hoping to watch to really competive games between 4 really good teams and instead i got two final four motherfucking beatdowns. have you ever seen a team just got their ass handed to them the way North Carolina did by Kansas? if you are a Kansas fan then i'm sure you are on cloud nine after getting revenge on your old coach. Kansas and Memphis...you are now both offically over the hump.

well now i am officially out of the money so all i got say is, go Memphis go!

losing touch with my mind

things that are not awesome.

1. working on saturdays

2. baseball rainouts

3. the music of Steve Seagal (or is it actually super awesome? you be the judge)

it's Friday, you off work early, your ass ain't got shit to do

...other than watch some Battlestar Galactica tonight, you big fucking nerd. and then go get your drank on at the Go Bar and watch a bunch of assholes try to spell words at a drunken spelling bee. that's how we do in the ATH. and then tomorrow you get up and drag your hungover ass down to go watch the Dawgs play in the G-Day game. not me, of course. i'll be at work tomorrow doing online resaerch into voodoo witchcraft trying to come up with the perfect curse to put on Knowshon Moreno's dancing, scoring, and tackle breakin ass. enjoy your weekend kids. i'll be watching the Final Four and then off to Atlanta on Sunday to see the Braves take on the Mets.

Dear Mike Hampton, You Suck.

that's right Braves' fans. Mike Hampton is already hurt and he hasn't even thrown a pitch yet. i won my bet. he strained a pectoral warming up before the game tonight...or some shit like that. fucking Hampton. the world's most expensive cripple. WORST.SIGNING.EVER.

oh yeah, The Braves lost to the Pirates...again. 1-3 to start the year. fuck. i know it's a long way to go, but this is not a promising sign.

Hey, It's the NIT Championship Game Tonight. Who Knew?

Ohio State is playing UMass tonight in MSG for the NIT title. UMass upset Florida, preventing a rematch of last year's national title. which is probably for the best as Florida might have had to claim Columbus as the Gators' satellite campus if they beat OSU in another title game. so i guess this means Ohio State might actually be able to win a championship finally. even if it is an NIT championship.

My Open Love Letter to Kodi Burns

Dear Kodi,

my name is Justin Robinson. i am a life long (and long suffering) Auburn Tigers fan. i understand that you just finished up Spring Football at Auburn and are currently locked in a battle to be the starting QB for my favorite team next season with some dude from junior college that nobody outside of the state of Kansas has ever heard of, despite the fact that you helped lead Auburn to a victory in their bowl game.

i just wanted you to know that i am fully endorsing you as Auburn's starter for the 2008 season here at my blog A Lifetime Of Defeats. i know you are absolutely thrilled.

Kodi i have spent the last 7 seasons cursing and cheering the names of Jason Campbell and Brandon Cox, the two players formerly holding your spot, and i would love nothing more than to be able to heap my joy and scorn onto your name as well. i have not been as excited about the prospects of an Auburn QB since back when Dameyune Craig was leading our team into battle. Craig was a do everything kind of player that i see you in the same mold of. in Auburn's new spread offense i can imagine you putting up some eyepopping numbers both passing and running the ball. i actually just completed a season of EA Sports' NCAA football on playstation with you as the starting QB and using Troy's spread offense playbook...and well, we'll just say the word Heisman and leave it at that. not to put any pressure on you or anything, but 3000 thousand yards passing and 900 yards rushing with 55 total touchdowns were my final season stats. and belive me, if you can put up those kind of numbers in the pesky real world, well, you might find yourself sleeping on piles of money and women in a few years.

anyways, just wanted you to know you are the guy most Auburn fans i know want to see out there on the field and hopefully you keep outshining the rag armed JC quarterback that Tony Franklin is in love with and coach Tuberville gives you the full time job himself. ok, well good luck and don't get hurt when two-a-days start this summer.

your pal,

justin

p.s.
piles of money dude.

My 300th Post...

...is actually something i posted when i first started this site and posted on my other blog as well. but i like it, so i am posting it again.


in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a astrick should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.

Drinkin' Some Haterade

so Pedro is on the DL, again... (wait for it) hahahahahahahahahaha!!! whatever, he was throwing 86 mile and hour meat to the Marlins and getting shelled before he hurt his leg. they are probably better off without him. kind of like the Braves would be better off without Glavine. Pedro is fucking done. the guy can't throw with any power anymore and he can't stay healthy. fuck the Mets. you get what you pay for.

BRAVES LOSE.....AGAIN

so Glavine made his home opener start and pitched ok...if only for 5 innings, giving up only one earned run. but then the bullpen came in and got shelled. the Pirates carried a 9-4 lead into the bottom of the 9th and then just decided to walk every fucking Brave who came up to bat, until Chipper drove a couple of guys home, and then with two outs Brian McCann hit a lazy pop up that Pirates' left fielder Jason Bay just ran past and let hit the ground which drove in the tying runs and then it was off to extra innings where the Braves finally lost 11-12 in 12 innings. what a fucking marathon. that's the most baseball i've watched in years.

some thoughts
Glavine isn't gonna win more than 10 games this year...especially if he's only gonna pitch 5 or 6 innings a game
Short Stop, Yunel Escobar, is gonna be a star.
Chipper has still got it, now if only he can stay healthy.
The Braves need to get someone besides Matt Diaz to play left field, i mean the guy works hard and whatnot, but he really should be a guy coming off the bench.