ULTRA Suicide Watch (2008), Week 7

so i guess i picked a pretty good week to go watch an Auburn game in person.

not since Auburn opened the 2003 season with back to back losses has the Auburn nation been this collectively devastated...well getting screwed out of the 2004 BCS title pissed everyone off for sure, but there hasn't been this much overwhelming PANIC since 03 for sure. you remember that was the year of Jetgate and Tuberville's almost firing to be replaced by one Bobby Petrino...now why is that relevant? oh yeah cuz it's 5 years later and Petrino is returning to Auburn as the coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks right in the middle of a disastrous season for the Tigers.

Auburn has fired their offensive coordinator in the middle of the week and we are left with a thinktank of Tub's loyal assistants running the show...the same guys who made 03 such a fucking disaster. worst of all we are apparently "sticking with the spread" although none of those coaches seem to understand it. AWESOME! i'll believe Auburn is gonna run 4 receiver sets and the read option for 1.4 yards a carry when i see it. even if we don't have a solid fullback, i expect to see RUNNING RUNNING AND MORE RUNNING. i mean the team moved Mario Fannin back to running back this week when he's been their 2nd best playmaker at receiver behind Robert Dunn. would it make a lot of since to do that if Auburn wasn't planning to play smash mouth football this week? probably not. oh yeah, and nobody seems to know who the QB is gonna be...the erratic Kodi Burns or the noodle armed Chris Todd. fuck it, why not throw Neal Caudle into the mix? he was a 4 star recruit. but still the question remain...where do we go from here? Franklin is out after 10 months on the job, Auburn has no offensive coordinator to speak of and a loaded recruiting class full of guys hand picked by Tony Franklin to air it out. and oh yeah, don't forget about the Tide's sudden rise to the top of the football world, i can't pretend that all this anxiety on the Plains hasn't been caused by the way Alabama has manhandled Clemson and Georgia.

Arkansas sucks. like a lot. like it's possible that they are the worse team in the SEC...worse even than Mississippi State. it's crazy what happens to a team that loses two first round draft picks out of their backfield. regardless of that fact, you know that nothing would make Petrino's season than to go into Auburn during the middle of all this turmoil and throw some more dirt onto the 08 Season's Grave. and with the way the Auburn offense has struggled to score points all season long it seems pretty likely that the Hawgs have a chance to hand Auburn their 3rd loss of the season. one can only hope that we are gonna see a full on commitment to the run this week against a team that can't seem to stop it. and not any of this coming out and running the ball in the first half and then abandoning it for 3 and outs and PUNTAPALOOZA. if Auburn can stick with the run and dish out a healthy dose of Ben Tate, Mario Fannin, and Brad Lester then we might actually be able to get this train back onto the tracks...at least for a week anyways.

but regardless it's a pretty shitty week to be an Auburn fan. we just lost to Vanderbilt, we fired our new offensive coordinator who was supposed to bring Auburn football into the future, and we're hosting that backstabbing scumfuck Bobby Petrino. a loss right here would pretty much kill any and all chance at salvaging this season.

potential for tragedy: 10, from here on out and until i see some glimmer of hope everything is a fucking 10.

method of suicide: drink the kool aid. we all did, so we shouldn't be surprised that it was poisoned.