Suicide Watch (2008): Week 6

The Auburn PUNT FOR VICTORY TOUR 2008 rolls on this week finding itself in Nashville for an unexpected clash with a Vandy team ranked in the top 25.

"VANDERBILT IN THE TOP 25?!?!?! what trickery is this?" you may be asking yourself. but no it's for real. Vanderbilt is ranked. undefeated. sitting in 1st place in the SEC East with 2 wins in the conference over South Carolina and Ole Miss, on the flip side Tennessee is in the last place with an 0-2 SEC record....truly we have slipped into Bizzaro World!!!

being ranked for the first time since Reagan was president is surely something for the Commodore fans to be excited about and Bobby Johnson has done miracles since taking over that program turning Vandy from that guaranteed win on the schedule into a scary team that WILL beat you if you sleep on them (just ask Georgia, Tennessee, and South Carolina). but still even with Auburn punting their way towards victory for most of this season and relying heavily on an overworked defense, it's still impossible to truly take Vanderbilt as seriously as i should. i mean they are Vandy. sure i watched Revenge Of the Nerds as a kid. i know what can happen. but i just gotta believe those Ogres on defense aren't gonna let Chris Nickson and company ride that wave of respect much longer than this Saturday at kickoff.

2008 Vanderbilt reminds me a lot of 2007 Mississippi State, as in they aren't actually as good as their record would indicate and instead are getting really lucky and winning on turnovers....of course i know nothing about college football as can be proven by my shitty ability to pick games in Kenniebloggins' college football pick em.

Vanderbilt's offense is mainly built around Chris Nickson and his ability to make plays with his feet. they've also got a halfway descent runningback in Jared Hawkins. the real stars on this team though are the defensive backs. DJ Moore and Myron Lewis are one of the best pairs of corners in the SEC and Reshard Langford is a play making safety that can take a pick to the house if given the opportunity. this is the biggest factor that could lead to a huge upset win for the 'Dores if rainbow tossing Chris Todd is back there tossing his wounded ducks. and so it seems like the simplest way for Auburn to win this game is to do that thing Auburn is always best at. RUN RUN RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!!!!! like every damn play plus some more. Kodi Burns running the option. Brad Lester, Ben Tate, and Tristan Davis running behind a run blocking offensive line and using big boy freshman Eric Smith as a lead blocker. putting Mario Fannin in the WILD WAR EAGLE WHAT THE HELL EVER formation and giving him lots of direct snaps. whatever it takes to just pound the ball down Vandy's throat and remind them what Auburn football is.

oh to dream.

likely it's gonna be more of this mish-mash bullshit of an offense fucking puntathon...FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which will result in about 14 points and a lot of headaches. but luckily Auburn's defense is still Auburn's defense and as much love as i have been giving Vanderbilt here on my blog...they're still Vanderbilt. so yeah, 14-3 sounds about right for this one. maybe the defense gets another score for itself and we might see the Tigers topping out at 21. OH JOY!!!! Spread Eagle is GO!!! whatever. i hate college football.

potential for tragedy: 5, fuck you. i don't care how bad Auburn's offense is. we are not losing to Vanderbilt. goddamnit! we better not lose...oh god, please don't let us lose.

method of suicide: Harakiri, take that sword and slice that belly open. you have caused yourself horrible shame...a Samurai's death is the only way to get back your honor.