Friday, November 30, 2007

Baby, Please Don't Go

i think a famous line in the movie Goodfellas pretty much sums up what's going on with Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville right now, "Fuck You, pay me!"

reports are flying out of the Arkansas media (yep they have media in Arkansas) that Tuberville has agreed to take the Razorbacks head coaching job and that Wal-Mart and Jerry Jones are all paying the bills. like i needed another reason to hate the Cowboys or the Walton family. hey man if Tubby wants the Arkansas job then he can have it. but seriously Auburn is about to be seriously and totally fucked if these rumors are in fact true. with Saban already dominating recruiting in the state of Alabama this season whatever coach would come in would have to play catchup really really fast. even worse is the fact Muschamp might be leaving with Tubby or else looking for a head coaching job of his own. it's unlikely that the Tigers would be willing to promote him, without any head coaching experience. Petrino would be the most likely desired replacement if Tubbs bolts. i'm not sure though if he's ready to jump from the fiery wreckage of the Atlanta Falcons just yet, but if Auburn could pay him out the ear it's a possibility. Petrino is also rumored to be one of LSU's replacement candidates for if/when Les Miles takes that Michigan job. i'm pretty sure LSU would be the more desireable job for Petrino if he did want to come back to college. other unilkely, yet possible canidates would be Mike Leach or Spurrier (yeah fucking right). who knew 6 years in a row would have such a mighty price tag attached to it?

i guess this is what we get for cheating on him back in 03.


excuse me while i go shoot myself in the face.

Thursday, November 29, 2007


the 2nd biggest game of the season, Packers @ Cowboys, is being shown on a channel that noone i know has and hardly any bars i'd wanna be in get either. i think the LAST thing the NFL needs is more fucking money for some premium cable channel that only shows games half of the season and the rest of the time shows live practice and combine workouts. that being said, if the SEC does ever get their own network i will become a slave to it and pay out the ear to watch every Auburn game i can get my hands on. but then again, i am a sucker.

Maybe I Should Go Shopping Or Something

With Auburn's football season on hold for the moment and the prospects of a West Virginia vs. Ohio State BCS title game coming up (sorry Missouri but i live in the reality where you guys got your asses kicked by the Sooners last time you played) I'm sort of lost as to what i should do on my Saturdays until the Bowl Season begins. granted there is one more weekend of College Football coming up, with the conference championships games, Army vs Navy, USC vs UCLA, and other such randomness. but all of that really just doesn't exactly "do it" for me. mostly it just equals alot of people crying about a playoff or saying who deserves a shot at the BCS title more and blah fucking blah. YES, OF COURSE we need a playoff. 4 teams, 8 teams, 16...whatever. anything, but guess what, it's not happening this year...or next year...or anytime soon, so spending hours and hours of sports talk radio and valuable airtime complaining about it is a useless waste of time that could be better spent making fun of the Big 10+1 and how Ohio State is gonna get manhandled in either the Rose Bowl by USC or The BCS Title game by West Fucking Virginia (oh please let that happen. seeing Ohio State's overrated linebacking corp trying to chase Pat White, Steve Slaton, and Noel Devine up and down the field will be good for a laugh).

anyways I'll probably end up watching the SEC Championship game...but other than that my Saturday looks wide open for the first time since late August. what will i do with all this free time? yard work? not likely. shopping for x-mas presents? ehhh, that's what the Internet is for. more than likely I'll be going to see "No Country For Old Men" and then plotting the next move in my quest for Fantasy Football Domination. Purple Jesus is back, in case you hadn't heard.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

have i mentioned how glad i am that Auburn beat Alabama?

six in a row, six in a row, no player currently attending Auburn University has any idea what it's like to lose an Iron Bowl, equally not a single player on Bama knows what it's like to win one. it sure is fucking great to be a Tigers fan. this is the only time of the year i really wish i did still live in the state of Alabama, if only because the only friend i have who roots for the Tide isn't the kind of friend i'd taunt mercilessly.

regardless much love and respect go out to Quentin Groves, Cole Bennett, Carl Stewart, and all the other seniors who have lead Auburn this season. and a special place in my heart will always be left for Brandon Cox.

say what you will about the young man, (throws too many picks, takes too many sacks, has a rag arm, has gotten worse every year since his first season) he will go down in Auburn history as 3-0 lifetime as a starter against the Crimson Tide and honestly that makes up for every pick he's ever thrown in every game he's ever played. the kid was always a warrior and he's played hurt and fought the disease Myasthenia gravis his entire career at Auburn and that's the kind of thing that makes you wanna stand up and give the kid a round of applause. he'll never play a single down in the NFL, but as far as I'm concerned he's one of the greatest QBs to ever play for the Tigers and I'll never forget him...regardless of what Cox does in whatever fucking bowl game Auburn ends up in...he'll always be the guy who NEVER lost to Alabama.

You Will Always Be A Legend in the hearts of Tigers fans.

all that being said, thank god he's finally gone and i hope Kodi Burns can learn the simple of concept of not throwing into triple coverage.

Oh Shit!

Houston Nutt just got the Ole' Miss job. this of course equals Ole' Miss becoming immediately better and then beating Auburn every other year or so. FUCK!!! here i was hoping we'd get some NFL retread or some MAC coach. nope, instead we get good old Nutt. i'm glad to see Houston found a job, but i was kinda hoping he'd go save SMU and bring the wild hawg with him. with any luck Arkansas will fall off the map and become a college football wasteland kinda like pre-2007 Mississippi State...but that's probably hoping against hope. no, i think all this move really does is make the SEC West that much tougher. fuck this league, Auburn needs to just go join the Big 10 and dominate that motherfucker. they already play ugly, boring, Big 10 football anyways.

a little tribute to Nutt...via the ole Youtube.

R.I.P. Sean Taylor

as if things weren't bad enough for the U, they lose another former player. i'm starting to think there might be some kind of a U of Miami curse. or maybe just living in Miami is a bad fucking idea. either way this totally sucks.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 13

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 13 Top 25

1. West Fucking Virginia
2. Missouri
3. Ohio State
4. Georgia
5. LSU
6. Kansas
7. USC
8. Virginia Tech
9. Oklahoma
10. Hawaii
11. Florida
12. Boston College
13. Tennessee
14. Arizona State
15. Illinois
16. Clemson
17. BYU
18. Wisconsin
19. Auburn
20. Virginia
21. Texas
22. Oregon
23. Arkansas
24. Cincinatti
25. South Florida
Bonus ranking
26. Mississippi State

-West Fucking Virginia is 1 game away from playing in the BCS title. one of my wildest dreams is almost true. if that doesn't get the powers the be to design some sort of a playoff or plus one system then NOTHING will. their likely opponent will be a Missouri team that NOONE would have picked to be the AP Number 1 at any point this season, this is of course if Oklahoma doesn't beat them for the 2nd time this season in the Big 12 Championship...a scenario i likely see happening which gives us a West Virginia vs Ohio State match up. BORING. OSU will just get blown out by another team with lots of speed and a spread attack. that's pretty much what always happens to them in such scenarios.
-poor Oregon. they are so fucked.
-McFadden just stole LSU's National Title and Tebow's Heisman on the same night. god, that dude fucking rules.
-Brandon Cox is a legend for life in the state of Alabama. all is forgiven young man. all is forgiven.
-Hawaii deserves to play in a BCS bowl. anyone who disagrees with that is just a douchebag. they've beaten better teams than Ohio State has this season.
-Tennessee is the luckiest team in the country...and they're probably gonna be beat LSU in the SEC title game. so much for Les Miles and his magical balls. so much for that Michigan job too.


i never thought i would ever live enough years to see Auburn beat Alabama 6 times in a row. guess i was wrong. after the debacle in Athens a few weeks ago i really needed the Tigers to win this game or i might have sworn off football for a year.

it was a classic Iron Bowl and one for the ages for Auburn fans. our crippled QB scored the game clinching touchdown and our defence reminded everyone that minus that hiccup against the Dawgs they are the best in the SEC.

the play of the game was right at the end of the second half when DJ Hall gave us a little help and bobbled a ball in the end zone and Jerraud Powers then picked off.

the second best play of the game might have been that dog in the end zone who bit Powers' hand. everyone knows dogs in Alabama are racist as shit.

and in the second half it was pretty much Ben Tate and Brad Lester pounding the ball up the middle and on to victory.

pay Tubby whatever the fuck he wants. he's earned it. it's never been as good to be an Auburn Tiger as it has been these last 4 years. WAR DAMN EAGLE!

obviously i will write more about this later.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Logjam of Mediocrity

Currently Colorado and Nebraska are in a shootout for the final crappy bowl spot being offered to the Big 12. not very many years ago this was a game between top 5 teams trying to make it into a BCS title game. oh how the mighty have fallen. Zen Wizard/Football coach Dan Hawkins is attempting to bring Colorado back to respectability...where as Nebraska coach Bill Callahan has done more damage with the West Coast offence to the once mighty Cornhuskers than Texas, Oklahoma, or the rest of the Big 12 could have ever pulled off combined. anyways, it's 35-24 at half time. whatever happened to fucking defense in the Big 12?

Suicide Watch Week 13 (IRON BOWL EDITION)

It's Iron Bowl weekend friends and foes. Auburn vs. Bama. the big one. THE RIVALRY in all of the South. The day of the year where the pride of the state of Alabama is on the line. the winner may taunt his rival for another 364 days mercilessly. Auburn is trying to make it 6 in a row for the first time ever. Bama is just trying to make the bleeding stop.

coming into this game Auburn is the favorite, but when it comes to this series records don't mean shit. Auburn's toughest game during the undefeated 2004 season was beating a hapless 4-6 Bama team who'd lost their starting QB midway through the season. one of the most painful losses in Auburn history was losing to a lousy Bama team off a Van Tiffin field goal during the 85 Iron Bowl...putting a taint on Bo Jackson's Heisman winning season. so basically being a 6 point favorite doesn't mean shit.

the key word to this game today will be QB play....or lack there of. John Parker Wilson has managed the lose Bama at least 2 games this season...and possibly 3 depending on who you ask, with costly picks and fumbles in tight games. Brandon Cox has also been an interception machine with 11 this season vs only 9 td passes. he tossed 4 against Georgia which helped lead to the blowout, he had 2 in losses against Mississippi State and South Florida each. and if i was asked to predict the line for both QBs it'd probably look something like this:

Brandon Cox- 12/24 165 yds 1 touchdown 3 picks (1 taken back for a td), 5 sacks

John Parker Wilson- 16/35 2 touchdown 2 picks 1 fumble, 8 sacks

not exactly fantasy numbers by any stretch of the imagination.

for Auburn to win it's 6th Iron Bowl in a row they will have to do it with their defence (which has been awesome...minus the UGA game) and with their running game. they definitely own an edge against Bama in both of those departments. Bama can counter with a better passing attack, thanks to DJ Hall and with an explosive return game. Auburn has the better kicker. and Auburn is playing at home...which also hasn't guaranteed victories the past couple of years. honestly i think Auburn will win. but who the fuck knows, both teams lost games to Mississippi State and Georgia and LSU. the winner is probably looking at a trip to either the Peach Bowl or the Liberty Bowl and if Bama loses they might be sitting at home in December. mostly i'm just disappointed at how both teams seasons have closed out. there was a point in this season where both teams were ranked and playing well and i'd hoped they'd both be rolling in ranked in the top 25 and that this game might even decide who won the SEC West...instead it's just gonna determine whose getting to go to a shitty bowl vs who goes to a shittier bowl.

fuck it. i'm just gonna get drunk and watch this game in silence with MB and hope for the best.

potential for tragedy: 9 (it's Bama...i don't care how much they've been sucking...they can always beat Auburn)

method of suicide: gun to the head, Cobain style (no...i don't have gun)

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

10 Things To Be Thankful For in 2007

1. You aren't a Notre Dame fan
2. The Yankees didn't win the World Series (although the Red Sox winning it is basically the same thing now)
3. In a year when Vick and Tyson and OJ all either went to or are gonna end up going to jail at least Kobe didn't rape anyone
4. You didn't get lead poisoning from that Football you bought to play catch with that was made in China
5. You aren't a Michigan player who came back for his Senior season to win a BCS title and hurt his draft stock (not to mention got beat by App State)
6. You didn't pay your head coach 4 million dollars to lose to something called the Warhawks (sorry Mike)
7. Your favorite team's starting quarterback didn't throw 4 interceptions to your 2nd biggest rival and a blowout loss for the second year in a row (oh wait that did happen to me)
8. Your fantasy football team got Purple Jesus in the 4th round
9. You aren't Bobby Petrino
10. Knowshon Moreno hasn't fucked your girlfriend/sister/mom/long time crush.....yet

and for a special bonus things to be thankful for (if you happen to hate Shawn Merriman and think he's a trash talking, 'roid freak, douchebag). this play.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 12

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 12 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Kansas
3. West Fucking Virginia
4. Missouri
5. Ohio State
6. Georgia
7. Arizona State
8. Oregon (but you know they are totally fucked)
9. Virginia Tech
10. Oklahoma
11. Hawaii (why the fuck not?)
12. USC
13. Texas
14. Florida
15. Boston College
16. Virginia
17. Boise State
18. Tennessee
19. Illinois
20. Wisconsin
21. Clemson
22. UConn
23. BYU
24. Auburn
25. South Florida

-poor poor Dennis Dixon and Oregon. they went from National Title hopefuls to the Holiday Bowl in one buckled kneecap. Brady Leaf (brother of Ryan Leaf) gets to lead them on a two game losing streak and then probably a blowout loss in a bowl game to a pissed off Oklahoma team who wants revenge on that bullshit loss to the Ducks last year in Eugene where the Pac 10 refs cheated them out of a win.
-speaking of Oklahoma, Stoops pulled his annual choke on a big fat cock to a lesser team. granted they already lost to Colorado this year, but that was a sort of flukish loss that was more about them taking Colorado lightly after getting the lead than it was about getting out played. Texas Tech on the other hand just gave them a savage beating that only a team who throws the ball 800 times a game can give you.
-i can't believe Kansas/Missouri is going to be the game of the week. what alternate reality have we slipped into?
-so much for Kentucky beating UGA. at this point i would be rooting hard for Tennessee to beat Kentucky this week if i was LSU because i sure as shit wouldn't wanna face the Dawgs in the Dome for the SEC title. sure Stafford might throw half a dozen picks, but Knowshon might drop 250 on LSU. and then the SEC would be locked out of the national title game with West Virginia having a clear shot at destroying Kansas in New Orleans. if you simulated a season of NCAA Football 2008 on your Playstation 2 about 576 times you'd probably never end up with that match up in a title game....EVER. and such is the 2007 College Football season.
-Notre Dame beats Duke. and the Notre Dame fans were stoked. too bad it wasn't a basketball game and your team still fucking sucks. why don't you tools go join the MAC and see if you can compete for one of those crappy bowl spots.
-Houston Nutt said, "peace out bitches" and is heading for the hills. good luck getting Tubby to come coach at that shithole. McFadden and Jones are so leaving for the NFL after this season. Arkansas is looking like they might be the worst team in the SEC next year, except they'll still somehow beat Auburn at Jordan-Hare.
-Auburn was able to defeat their bye week and move back into the AP Top 25. way to go Tigers.
-the same can't be said for BAMA. oh Bama, you dishonor the whole conference when you lose to a Sun Belt team. maybe Todd Blackledge was right when he called Troy the best team in the state of Alabama. that being said, don't be surprised if BAMA somehow beats Auburn in the Iron Bowl this weekend. it's the sort of bullshit that always happens in that fucking game. if a picture was worth 4 millions dollars then this is it.

sorry Mike.
-peace out Lloyd Carr. he "retired" today or at least that's what they are calling it. i call it another word that rhymes with retired. Les Miles will be taking that job, thank you very much, and seeing if his mighty balls can work some magic in that lousy Big 10 or 11 or whatever next season.
-Hawaii keeps on winning. Boise State vs Hawaii for the WAC title. i expect somewhere just south of 120 points combined in this one. my early lean is with the Smurfs. they fucking own that conference and one day they'll be the 11th team in the Pac 10...i'm sure of it.
-crank dat Heisman Tebow. if you keep putting up mind numbing stats like you have been then they might rename the Trophy after your mutant ass.

Friday, November 16, 2007

SUICIDE WATCH (bye week)

So my Tigers are off Suicide Watch this week. which is good, after killing themselves for the 4th time of the year they could use a break.

but that doesn't mean other fans are off the hook. Oregon fans hung themselves in a closet with "radio friendly unit shifter" playing in the background after getting their Heisman QB and National Title hopes snatched from them at the same time with their loss to Arizona last night. it's hard out there for the number 2 teams. right now it's looking like LSU will face the winner of the Big 12 (most likely Oklahoma) in the BCS title game...but don't be surprised if both of those teams go down and we end up with Ohio State vs West Virginia in a title game that noone would have picked at the beginning of the season.

teams on the watch this weekend
-Michigan, about to be beaten by Ohio State for the 6th time in 7 years or something like that. your coach is about to be fired/retired. your probably going to the Outback Bowl and get blown out by Kentucky. just be grateful you won't have to play Oregon again in the Rose Bowl. with or without Dennis Dixon they'd still drop 50 on your ass.
-Georgia, sure i am probably just being a hater...but word on the street is that the kids will be bringing bags of Sugar to the Kentucky/Georgia game this weekend. i believe they call that counting your chickens before they hatch in certain parts of this country. it would be sweet Southern Justice if Woodson and Kentucky dropped the hammer on this UGA winning streak and sent Georgia on a one way ticket to the Peach Bowl...or whatever it's called now.
-LSU, is playing the WORST team in the SEC. probably feels like they are ready to start preparing the kick some lousy Big 12 teams ass in New Orleans and bring a 2nd National Title home in the last 5 years...but don't sleep on Ole' Miss. they've played every good team they've faced tough and almost beaten Florida and Alabama.
-Notre Dame, i mean honestly at this point it's just piling on...but there is a very real possibility the Duke could beat the Irish this weekend. 1-9 is bad, but 1-10 with a loss to Navy and Air Force and fucking fucking football. well you might just find a whole lot of Catholics just saying fuck it about that whole going to hell thing and pulling a Jonestown up in South Bend.
-Hawaii, playing against an okay Nevada team on Friday night in the cold desert air. don't be surprised if Brennan (who might not be able to play) and the Rainbow Warriors go down and their hopes at a BCS bowl go down with them.
-West Fucking Virginia, with Oregon losing and with other possible upsets on the horizon the Mountaineers could sneak into the national title game...unfortunately they are playing a Cincinnati team that CAN and WILL upset a motherfucker or two every given year. watch out Pat White.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Looking Into The Future

Auburn has released their 2008 Schedule and it's a little easier than the past couple of seasons. the major test being a road game against a very talented West Virginia team in Morgantown. why Auburn decided to go play a team like West Fucking Virginia in their house with a brand new QB under center next year is anyone's guess. West Virginia is likely to be a national title contender next year and ranked in the top 5 when the Tigers roll into town and they'll be looking to make a statement against one of the SEC's elite teams. if Auburn hasn't figured out their offense then it could get real ugly, real fast...good defense or not. Pat White can make you look silly, just ask Georgia.

other big games will be Tennessee, Arkansas, LSU, BAMA, and UGA. the Tigers' schedule looks a little bit easier than the past few seasons since they don't have to play Florida (which i guess actually worked out pretty good for Auburn with them going 2-0 against the Gators) and then scheduling Southern Miss instead of another BCS school like a Kansas State or Washington State. Arkansas will likely be down next year with McFadden and possibly Felix Jones both bolting for the NFL. LSU will hopefully be down a bit as well with a likely exit of their major skill players leaving for the NFL if they manage to win the National Title this season, like what happened to Florida last season.

i guess everything will depend on what happens with Tubberville and then what happens with the quarterback position next season. is Kodi Burns ready to step in and lead the Tigers? the running game should be solid and the young offensive line will be seasoned. the D only loses Groves...which is a BIG loss, but the young guys who stepped in for him have all played well, especially Antonio Coleman who seems to have taken on the role of the dreadlocked sack machine that was started by Stanley McClover and then passed onto Quentin Groves. the Linebackers should be solid...assuming none of them get arrested, suspended, or seriously injured. and the secondary will be a total crapshoot. the safeties will be good, the corners will be young. luckily most of these teams can't fucking throw. thanks for small favors in the SEC.


Sept. 6 at West Virginia
Sept. 13 at Mississippi State
Sept. 20 LSU
Oct. 4 at Vanderbilt
Nov. 1 at Ole Miss
Nov. 29 at Alabama

OPEN DATES: Oct. 25, Nov. 22

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

We're All Doomed

with Auburn's season in quick decline and the potential that our head coach might be heading to either the school that stole Bama's old coach (Texas a&m) or to one of our biggest rivals in conference (lsu) it could be a REALLY REALLY long off season. worst case scenario for this season will be Auburn losing the Iron Bowl and then getting beaten by some shitty mid major team in a worthless bowl game. right now best case scenario is probably going to the Peach Bowl or Chick-Fil-A bowl or whatever it's called and losing to Clemson or Virginia or Virginia Tech. regardless hopes of a New Year's Day bowl are gone and Tiger nation might be suffering it's own blackout soon in death of the program's SEC dominance during the Tubberville era. the SEC is a funny thing. one season can completely blow up your program and send it straight into the tubes for a number of years....especially with Saban at BAMA, a super talented and young Georgia team on the rise, and LSU maintaining their status as monsters of the SEC West, with or without Les Miles. recruiting is gonna be a sonofabitch.

okay i am totally overreacting in the most negative way following a very embarrassing loss. this is how i roll. one bad thing happens and everything is ruined. that's my mentality. maybe this is why i should get some less stressful hobbies, like high stakes poker or base jumping. regardless i'm definently feeling alot of dread and i'm gonna care more about the results of this year's BAMA/Auburn game than i have in years.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

THE NFLs Week 10 (who the fuck even knows anymore)

-everybody's drinkin' the Steelers Kool Aid and calling for them to be the one to knock off the Patriots. i say barely beating the Browns does not an elite team make.
-speaking of elite teams, what the fuck was up with that Colts/Chargers game. it was the game no one wanted to win, with horrible performances from the NFLs greatest QB and Kicker. Peyton throws 6 picks and they still almost won the game...with half of their starting lineup hurt. i wouldn't panic just yet Indy fans.
-so much for the Redskins being my darkhorse NFC team.
-so much for the Lions being my darkhorse NFC team.
-Sex Cannon is back baby! Throwing Bombs with Pick Sixes to come. you know i'm picking him up for my fantasy team.
-Bengals beat the Ravens without scoring a single touchdown. amazingly bad football was played in this one. the Ravens are over.
-Vince Young is a strange football player. it's like watching the big kid playing pick up football with a bunch of really fast middle schoolers.
-The Falcons have decided to win JUST ENOUGH games this season to not land a top 5 draft pick which kinda feels like a bad thing to me. no McFadden, probably no Brohm, hell no Glenn Dorsey either. fuck it, just draft the best left tackle available and get some receivers and linebackers in the next couple of rounds.
-the 49ers might be the least improved team in the NFL. all those experts picking them to win the west should just hand in their credentials and go back to calling robot war matches. fuck that team. watching the Niners play football just makes me bored. at least the Dolphins suck with some flair.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My Fantasy Football Nightmares Are My Reality

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Purple Jesus hurt his knee. i can see my fantasy season tumbling down around me. WHY??? isn't it bad enough that the Georgia Bulldogs slaughtered my Auburn Tigers and that The Falcons suck?! why you gotta kick a brother while he's down and take away his Purple Jesus?!? that being said, somehow my team won it's 7th game and is in a three way log jam for 1st place. Use those magic powers, Purple Jesus, to heal your knee and come back to us. Thug Apologists can't live without you.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Sing Me A Song Of Sorrow

so it's been a few days since the Blackout Massacre and i've had some time to absorb all of the pain and sorrow that such an embarrassing destruction of my Auburn Tigers has inflicted upon me. i am left mostly with huge questions that can't possibly have any answers. How the fuck can Auburn shut down Darren McFadden and Felix Jones but then let Knowshon Moreno and Thomas Brown tear through their D Line like it was Kentucky? how do you mostly keep in check Florida's passing attack and yet you give up bomb after bomb to Matt Stafford? also when the fuck did Georgia's receiving corp learn how to catch? how do you climb back into a game and take a 20-17 lead and then just completely fall apart and get blown out by 25 points in a fucking rivalry game? why didn't Auburn just stick with Ben Tate and the ground game instead of forcing passes with Brandon Cox who obviously has some sick desire to throw as many picks as possible when facing the Dawgs?

SERIOUSLY this was the WORST LOSS i can ever remember against Georgia. last year the game was pretty much over after the first few drives when a crippled Cox threw pick after pick that were returned from touchdowns. that's the kind of blowout that's easy to stomach. your team was never in the game and you have almost zero chance of making a comeback. but a game like this just breaks your fucking back. Auburn never seemed like they were playing with any passion of intensity at all during the game, not even when they took the lead and seemed to have all the momentum. my brains were just leaking out of my ears for most of the 2nd half when the Tigers pretty much just gave up. at this point i will be surprised if Auburn is able to win another game. i fully expect the Tide to roll into Jordan-Hare and end the Tigers five game winning streak in the series and take back their claim to the state of Alabama. and then Auburn will probably find themselves getting beaten by some Conference USA team or low level MAC squad in the Liberty Bowl...or whatever other piece of shit they land in.

FUCKING GEORGIA!!!! you Dawgs sure no how to ruin a motherfucker's season. 2 years in a row. fuck it. i'm moving.

lean with it rock with it, Vern.

i think after this football season we are gonna have to officially retire the Soulja Boy for all time.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 11

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 11 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Oklahoma
4. Kansas
5. West Fucking Virginia
6. Missouri
7. Ohio State
8. Georgia
9. Arizona State
10. Virginia Tech
11. Hawaii (why the fuck not?)
12. USC
13. Texas
14. Florida
15. Clemson
16. Virginia
17. Boston College
18. Boise State
19. Tennessee
20. Cincinnati
21. Illinois
22. Kentucky
23. BYU
24. Auburn
25. Wisconsin

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Come On Feel The Hate

liveblogging the Georgia/Auburn game.
-here i am in Athens, GA. sitting with my shit talking girlfriend and my pacing friend MB watching the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry.
-Georgia are wearing all black jerseys. i can't fucking believe this shit. so much for tradition.
-1st play of the game, Brandon Cox gets picked off. SHIT!!! please don't let this be a repeat of last year.
-i think Richt may have started worshipping the Devil. this is my only explanation for this new Georgia attitude.
-fucking Knowshon Moreno.
-good stand by the defense. put in terrible field position they hold the dogs to a field goal.
-what the fuck s up with Auburn calling all these goddamned timeouts?
-good drive for the Tigers. Brandon Cox looks like he's forcing it a little too much. Brad Lester is playing his ass off.
-field goal. tied game. this is gonna be a long fucking day.
-what in the fuck was that coverage? Stafford throws a bomb for td. 10-3.
-Auburn does nothing. punt.
-fuck, Groves is hurt.
-1st half is over. so far this blackout isn't the funeral for Georgia's season that i'd hoped it would be.
-14 points down.
-fumble on the kickoff. GAY.
-Auburn is playing their worst game of the year. how do you stop Tebow, McFadden, and give LSU their toughest game of the year and then play like total dogshit against Georgia? i'm seriously getting depressed. i may have to move away after this game.
-Cox, sacked. goddamn it. okay, a face mask. fine.
-Lester, another good run.
-COX!!!! you fucking douche.
-great catch, Montez Billings. i think the Tigers have finally found a replacement for Courtney Taylor.
-go Tate go!!! Auburn's play calling is so frustrating. they run the ball well. stick with that.
-The Tigers are in the redzone. they need a touchdown here to set my mind at ease.
-TOUCHDOWN Tate! run the goddamn football motherfucker. Georgia has no answer for a team who can run the ball.
-Stafford got sacked. Coleman crank dat Supaman.
-Moreno stuffed.
-Georgia finally has to punt.
-fuck Lester fumbles. looks like the ground caused the fumble. Lester almost broke his fucking neck.
-apparently Nebraska CAN actually play football.
-okay, so the ground did cause the fumble. Auburn keeps the ball.
-SHIT! Cox sacked.
-3rd and a draw. well this is the SEC.
-Georgia gets a flag for unsportsman like conduct penalty. it's still 4th down. Auburn to punt. and then of course they get a false start penalty.
-Knowshon just got lit the fuck up.
-okay so we go into the half with Auburn down by 7. this game is turning into a fucking blood feud.
-so, Ohio State is losing. i hope Illinois goes ahead and takes the Buckeyes out of this national title discussion so we can save them the embarrassment of being destroyed by either Oregon or LSU.
-apparently Notre Dame has just given up on football. 31-17, Airforce.
-ok back to the game.
-Knowshon who?
-the Auburn d-line is mostly controlling this game.
-Stafford gets picked off. Rex Grossman Jr is back.
-Cox misses a wide open receiver but thankfully Georgia is playing pretty stupid and got a penalty.
-Fannin, touchdown!!! 17-17. Auburn is back baby. Georgia should go put those red jerseys back on and forget all this silliness.
-Antonio Coleman knocks down Stafford's pass. Georgia to punt.
-Cole Bennett lives. first down.
-Bennett again for 1st down. i thought that dude graduated.
-BEN TATE. go baby go. Knowshon Who?
-shit. Tate gets stuffed on 2nd down. i smell a field goal.
-well so much for snatching the momentum.
-Byrum, field goal. 17 straight points for my Tigers. the shit talking will be epic next week.
-Knowshon stuffed.
-what's up with all these late hit calls? i'm sorry, is this the SEC or the Pac 10?
-goddamned corners can't cover for shit.
-goddamn it. i guess Knowshon isn't getting shut down after all. 24-20 UGA.
-so apparently Black unis equals playing like dipshits and getting lots of stupid penalties. Go Dawgs.
-Lester fumble. put Tate in goddamnit.
-Cox pick. you are melting my brain with this bullshit.
-when the fuck did Georgia learn how to catch? someone please cover Sean Bailey. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Knowshon throws a touchdown....but there is a flag. thank you.
-Knowshon fumble! Fuck, Georgia recovers. have i mentioned how much i hate Georgia?
-goddamn it. Knowshon. you fucking fag.
-face mask Auburn. great, 1st down and goal for Georgia. if they score here then i feel like this game is over.......AND of course Knowshon scores. this sucks. break that fucker's leg.
-everyone on Georgia is crankin that soulja boy.
-Georgia kicks it out of bounds to start the 4th quarter.
-holy shit! Vern is crankin' that souljaboy.
-go Tate go.
-Ohio State is DONE. all is well in the world.
-Auburn goes three and out. great.
-Thomas Brown just drove the nail into Auburn's coffin. this shit is over.
-touchdown Georgia. MOTHERFUCKER. well it's over.
-so apparently BAMA and AUBURN only lose to the exact same teams. who the fuck is going to be representing the state of Alabama in the Peach Bowl?
-so at this point i can only hope for Auburn to put that 6th straight loss on the Tide. i am gonna be depressed for the next few weeks. fucking Georgia. WTF?!?!?!?!
-Cox throws another fucking pick. this is just getting ugly.
-Tubby you're fired. just kidding. i'm not completely insane. i no longer wish to think about this game. getting ass raped by the Bulldogs in Athens is the sort of thing that doesn't set well with me. losing 2 in a row to the Dawgs totally blows. sometimes i fucking hate college football. right now would be exactly one of those times.
-fuck this game. goddamn it. now it's just a blowout. i'm done.

Friday, November 9, 2007

Suicide Watch Week 11

and here we are. part 1 of the two part rival war. my beloved Tigers are rolling into my home town of Athens, GA to play the hated Georgia bulldogs in the biggest game of the college football weekend. Georgia sits in the top 10 basically by knocking off an overrated Florida team that can't play any defense. Georgia has been wildly inconsistent this year, flashing signs of brilliance in big games against Bama and Florida and then turning around and looking like total trash against South Carolina and then just being run off the field by a fairly sorry Tennessee squad. the Bulldog nation of course has no time for facts and reality. there in the top 10 and going to the SEC title game and Knowshon Moreno is the greatest runningback in the country. fuck reality. it has no place in the Classic City. well here's some motherfucking reality for your ass. Auburn has the best defence in the SEC and has already shut down the best backfield in the nation in Darren McFadden and Felix Jones, and also beat that same Florida team in the swamp when they were still healthy. am i worried about the Dawgs this week? sure, it's a rivalry every asshole i know is a fucking Georgia fan and after the ass whipping UGA put on Auburn last season i don't think i can deal with another year's worth of shit talking (seriously if Auburn loses this game i might move) but the beauty of this rivalry has always been that the road team almost always wins. and last time i checked my Tigers are wearing white on Saturday.

Georgia's defence is young and mostly worthless this year. they gave up 34 points to Troy and 35 to Tennessee. Georgia hasn't really looked that impressive except against Oklahoma State and Mississippi. they almost lost to Vanderbilt and they caught a Florida team that was trapped in some time warp and believed that Knowshon Moreno was actually Herschel Walker and that it was 1982, not 2007. Georgia's offence is basically run it with #24 and hope that Mikey Henderson can get them good field position off kick and punt returns and then trow the occasional bomb with Stafford.

will Auburn roll into Athens and crush the Bulldogs like was done to them last year? probably not. actually it's highly unlikely considering Auburn pretty much has the worst offence in the SEC...except when playing LSU. but the Auburn D should be able to take away the Georgia running game and that puts things into the hands of Rex Grossman in training, Matt Stafford...and i like those odds.

okay, with the massive amount of shit i just talked about the Dawgs don't be surprised if they come out and blow Auburn out by about 40 points, causing Tubberville to take the Texas A&M job right then and there so as never to face another Georgia team ever again. but really this is the game that matters the most to me. Auburn has beaten Bama five years in a row. they are sorta due a win by now. but to beat Georgia and ruin their chances at a BCS and SEC title game like they did to Auburn last year....well that's the sort of revenge that can warm your heart and make sitting through the Peach Bowl against a lousy ACC team all that more enjoyable.

potential for tragedy: 7 (rivalry games are always high...but i still love Auburn's chances)

method of suicide: drowning, as in drowning in your fucking sorrows and then leaping off a bridge....if you can find a body of water worth drowning in...fucking drought.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Let The Shit Talking Begin

this weekend my Auburn Tigers take on the hated Georgia Bulldogs in the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. now i'm not getting into specifics about the matchup today as that is what i'll be doing tomorrow. no, today i would just like to talk about my hatred of the University Of Georgia's football team. see unfortunately i live in Athens, Georgia...which is a fine place to live if you are an indie rock loving townie with a drinking problem. but if you are a fan of say, Auburn, it can get a little insufferable in these here parts.

JUSTIN's Top 7 Reasons For Hating the Georgia Bulldogs, Currently.

1. growing up in the state of Georgia taught me at an early age that Georgia fans are mostly annoying and retarded. no fan base has a shorter memory when it comes to their embarrassing losses (cough, Vanderbilt and Kentucky...last year) and no one is quicker to start talking about being in the National Title game after starting the year 3-0.
2. 1980...i'm sorry were you even born the last time Georgia won a National Title? no. okay good, then shut up. one national title in the last 30 years does not a national power you make. you know who else have won national titles since the last time Georgia pulled it off, BYU and Washington. nuff said.
3. Mark Richt. most overrated coach in the SEC. does less with more than anyone in the league. Georgia produces more NFL talent than any team in the SEC and yet they can't stay in the national title talks past the month of October. also, can't do shit against Florida (this year being the exception). lets Mike Bobo run his offense. is a Christian douchebag with a bad haircut.
4. their fans. i know i sorta covered that with number one, but seriously Georgia fans are so fucking lame. just a bunch of drunk lawyers who wanna leave the game as soon as possible and get something to eat at Last Resort. they also would rather go down and hangout at St. Simons playing golf all week then ever see the Georgia/Florida game move to a home and away series that might even the huge advantage that Florida holds in the series by basically getting a home game every year against the Dawgs.
5. Uga. that inbred piece of shit used to be the most awesome mascot in all of college football. now he just sits around on a bag of ice. Tennessee's hound would tear UGA's ass off in a fight.
6. hearing people talk about Knowshon Moreno and how he's gonna win the Heisman trophy next year and that he's the best Georgia runningback since some guy named Walker. wore #34, won a national title, and the Heisman trophy, holds the SEC rushing record despite only playing 3 years. yeah, Knowshon is in the same league as him. also he's the best back in the SEC. wait, you didn't know that. i guess you aren't a Georgia fan then. yeah, okay granted Knowshon is a good back, yes, but really, you'd rather have him than McFadden or Felix Jones? seriously? you are retarded.
7. Matt Stafford and the continuation of the Georgia QB who is much heralded in college and does jack and shit in the NFL. Eric Zier, Quincy Carter, David Greene, DJ Shockley, etc... repeat for infinity. Stafford will be on that list of NFL busts soon enough.

truly there is nothing i hate more than Georgia when they play Auburn. most Tiger fans hate Alabama, but being as how i was blessed not to grow up in the state of my birth i have instead filled that lack of pure hate with total loathing for all things red and black. except for Larry Munson...he totally rules.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

THE NFLs- We're Halfway There (Living On A Prayer edition)

-Purple Jesus (aka Adrian Peterson) is dominating the NFL, getting called the most complete runningback since OJ Simpson and Jim Brown and is making me see what it would have been like if Bo Jackson had just played football all the time instead of wasting his time breaking bats over his knee with the Royals. and to think, i got him in the 4th round of my fantasy draft. at this point he's made bandwagon jumpers put away their Larry Johnson, LT, and Reggie Bush jerseys and start rocking the big ugly purple Vikings 28. the question right now isn't if he's the best RB in the NFL...cuz hat's an easy yes, it's is he gonna end up being the best runningback of ALL TIME.
-The Patriots are on a mission to destroy you. honestly watching them play football is sort of like watching someone who is a master at Madden playing the computer on the Rookie setting. after about the 1st quarter it's just not even fun anymore. Brady is going to probably toss about 55 touchdowns and they might actually go undefeated thanks to playing in the weakest division in football and having a pretty easy schedule. that being said, the Colts choked that game away. fucking Peyton. you douche. learn to hold onto the ball. it was like watching John Parker Wilson or someting on Sunday.
-the Chargers hype is just that, hype. fuck that team.
-The Saints have managed the save their season...thanks mostly to being in a terrible division and thanks to the combo of Reggie and Drew Brees. do you think the Chargers ever kick themselves for picking Rivers over Brees...probably not as much as they are for firing Marty.
-The Falcons SUCK....but unfortunately they don't suck as much as the 49ers, Dolphins, and Rams. so much for Darren McFadden in the ATL.
-Derek Anderson is the new Drew Brees, making Brady Quinn the new Philip Rivers. how's this gonna play out in 2 years?
-long live Favre. may he play til he's 50.
-LIONS, 10 wins is gonna happen. Kitna for President. i think it would be funny if Matt Millen started wearing those fire Millen t-shirts on the sidelines when the Lions end up in the playoffs this year.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Top 7 Stories I Don't Fucking Care About In Sports

1. The Yankees
2. Joe Torre going to the Dodgers.
3. A-Rod
4. Kobe
5. The Patriots going undefeated.
6. Matt Ryan's Heisman
7. Barry Bonds saying he's not going to the hall of fame.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 10

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 10 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Ohio State
4. Oklahoma
5. West Fucking Virginia
6. Kansas
7. Missouri
8. Boston College
9. Arizona State
10. Georgia
11. Hawaii (why the fuck not?)
12. USC
13. Virginia Tech
14. Auburn
15. Florida
16. Michigan
18. Clemson
19. Tennessee
20. Texas
21. Boise State
22. Alabama
23. BYU
24. Wake Forest
25. Kentucky

Saturday, November 3, 2007

College Football Uber Alles

-Dennis Dixon is getting ready to crank dat Heisman trophy after he takes it to Arizona State.
-Knowshon Moreno is still banging your girlfriend and you are still high fiving him for it......
-too bad Auburn will be putting his ass into the ground.
-Kansas is for real, so is UConn. who fucking knew?
-Ohio State is still not getting any love from me. i think about 8 teams in the SEC could beat them.
-Matt Flynn sucks.
-with South Florida on the quick fade, that Auburn loss isn't looking nearly as good.
-MB may very well nut on himself if Bama pulls this shit off.
-can we stop hearing about LSU's defense now?
-apparently Texas only plays football in the 4th quarter of games.
-i can't remember enjoying another team's misery nearly as much as i am enjoying Notre Dame in 2007. way to go Navy.
-so much for Bama. at this point i'm convinced that LSU is the luckiest team on earth.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Suicide Watch Week 10

this weekend Auburn gets a nice break from that grueling SEC schedule when Division IAA, Tennessee Tech comes to town for a good old fashioned mauling. with any luck this game is over by the first quarter and Auburn can let freshman QB Kodi Burns play as much as possible and the rest of the starters get rested up for the Georgia game next week. i honestly have no real thoughts on this game other than i want them to get out without any more injuries to the defence and also it would be nice to win by about 70.

potential for tragedy: -10 (sorry Michigan, Auburn doesn't lose to cupcakes...unless it's Mississippi State....Damn You CROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

method of suicide: set yourself on fire because you are useless and worthless and your program is a fucking joke and your coach is getting murdered after the game if you lose to a bullshit team like this.