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Auburn may not have the respect of the Sportswriters who are obssessed with giving Boise State their title show, but thankfully Hal 9000 and his soulless computer brethern know our Tigers are #1. And being a soulless machine myself, Auburn remains at the top of my pointless blog poll.

A Lifetime of Defeats Top 25

1. Auburn
2. Oregon
3. Alabama
4. TCU
5. Boise State
6. Utah
7. Nebraska
8. Wisconsin
9. Standford
10. LSU
11. Ohio State
12. Oklahoma
13. Arizona
14. Missouri
15. Arkansas
16. South Carolina
17. Iowa
18. Michigan State
19. Mississippi State
20. Oklahoma State
21. Baylor
22. Virginia Tech
23. NC State
24. FSU
25. Oregon State

not that my poll matters...

A Lifetime of Defeats Top 25

1. Auburn Motherfucking Tigers
2. Oregon
3. Boise State
4. TCU
5. Missouri
6. Alabama
7. Michigan State
8. LSU
9. Utah
10. Oklahoma
11. Nebraska
12. Wisconsin
13. Arkansas
14. South Carolina
15. Ohio State
16. Who cares?
17. Who cares?
18. Who cares?
19. Mississippi State
20. Who cares?
21. Who cares?
22. Who cares?
23. Who cares?
24. Baylor
25. Navy

WE'RE #1 IN YOUR FLAWED FUCKING COMPUTER SYSTEM

Auburn finds themselves the new #1 team in the country in the only poll that means shit, the BCS. So yeah, my anxiety level for Auburn's trip to Oxford this weekend is going to be skyhigh. I almost feel like Auburn's being set up to fail. I would've been happy with #2 and let. Oregon deal with that big target on their back when they go to Southern Cal on Saturday. But yeah, whatever, being #1 feels awesome. The BCS system is amazingly flawed, but if Auburn somehow makes it to the national championship, you won't hear me complaining about it anymore. Well, not this year anyways.

Some quick thoughts after week 8.
-Cam Newton is the greatest Auburn football player since Bo Jackson. If he wins us a national championship I am seriously considering getting a tattoo of a laptop with the #2 on it being carried by an Eagle...and under that eagle will be Urban Meyer looking up tearfully wishing he still owned the laptop. (This is the sortqa thought pattern the enters one's mind after several beers and a pot brownie or 5.
-Michael Dyer is going to be fucking awesome to watch these next couple of years. When Cam jumps to the NFL and breaks all our hearts we can at least take comfort in the fact we are gonna have the best runningback in the SEC next season.
-I really hope the Falcons draft Nick Fairley.

3 (real) games left. The one that worries me the most is vs. those suddenly dangerous looking Dawgs. But no looking ahead because this is soooo the kind of game Houston Nutt is known for fucking up his opponent's dreams. I don't care if Auburn wins by 2 points or 200 next week, just survive and move on.

I Believe? Sorta.

my eyes are still fucking bleeding from that scoring orgy. that was like watching a game of Madden between me and my old roomate. you just knew the 1st team to commit a turnover was gonna lose because punting wasn't really in the playbook.

so yeah Auburn dropped a million points on Arkansas. awesome. stoked. but they also gave up half a million points in the process and were helped out a good deal on some questionable replay calls. i feel great about the win, in that Auburn won, but i am still not 100% sure i can believe in this team...but that's sort of been my approach to the 2010 Auburn Tigers all season. i went into the year saying we would win 10 games and go to the Capital One Bowl. and up til now i STILL believe that will happen at the very least. the words BCS Champs didn't and still haven't entered my brain. when your team's defense is that fucking shitty and you are that reliant on 1 guy (aka Newton) then it's just hard to see how we can keep possibly beating good teams.

but then there is the part of my brain that says, fuck that! we are totally going undefeated, winning the national title, cam newton is winning the Heisman, kiss our asses, we are the champs!!!

but i really don't let that come out too much, mostly i am still cautious of this squad. every week i tell my friend Mike (a noted Alabama fan) that the Tigers are gonna lose this week. i say things like, "well if i HAD to pick a loss, then i'm okay with this one." but with LSU, that is not the case. going into the year i had 4 games ranked in order of how bad i wanted Auburn to win. they were UGA, LSU, BAMA, & Arkansas...in that order. but i just can't let myself believer Auburn can win them all. call it 32 years of rooting for a team that always seems to screw themselves or get screwed at some point in the year. i'm just not comfortable thinking my team is a champion (you can obviously blame the Braves, Falcons, and Hawks for my pessimistic attitude towards fandom).

but i WANT to believe in Auburn. i NEED to believe in Auburn....because i think we can all be totally honest with ourselves and say that THIS IS THE BEST CHANCE AUBURN IS GOING TO GET AT A BCS TITLE ANYTIME SOON. i know you guys are all thinking it.

THE AUBURN TIGERS 2011 DOOMSDAY SCENARIO:

next year Auburn is going to be minus our two best defensive players in Josh Bynes and Nick Fairley (so gone to the NFL) plus a number of other valuable members of the trash heap that can't stop anything. we might be looking at a bunch of freshmen and sophomores out their getting lit up next year.

we also will have to replace 4 out of 5 offensive linemen with a bunch of redshirt freshmen, junior college transfers, and guys converted to linemen...not exactly something that has me sleeping easy.

ole' Gustav is so fucking gone after this year that it makes me wanna cry. with the way he turned Auburn from a laughing stock offensively in the SEC to one of the top 5 units in the country, there is no fucking way he's sticking around 1 more season. besides Jim Harbaugh, he's probably gonna be the hottest coach in the country. and

if we lose him, do you really think Cam Newton might just take that leap to the NFL while his stock is up? i do. and so we go into '11 with the option of Barrett Trotter (who can't seem to stay healthy) or Clint Mosely (who was a 3 star recruit) or a true freshman.

not to mention we must replace our field goal kicker, will have serious lack of depth at tailback, and likely might lose Darvin Adams a year early to the draft. all in all if 2010 doesn't have a championship at the end of the tunnel, i'm not sure another is likely for at least another 3 or 4 years.

so no pressure Tigers, but YOU HAVE TO WIN NOW.

It's My Motherfucking Poll and I Will Blindly Rank My Team #1

A Lifetime of Defeats Top 25

1. Auburn (who needs a fucking defense?)
2. Oregon
3. Oklahoma
4. Boise State
5. TCU
6. LSU
7. Alabama
8. Utah
9. Michigan State
10. Oklahoma State
11. Missouri
12. Stanford
13. Wisconsin
14. Ohio State
15. Nebraska
16. FSU
17. Arizona
18. Arkansas
19. Iowa
20. Texas
21. West Virginia
22. Virginia Tech
23. Mississippi State
24. USC
25. South Carolina

So long, Bobby Cox

Even though I mostly don't care about/and or like baseball anymore (which is always weird to think about considering I played it half of my life) I will always root for the Braves. And after spending my youth rooting for the most useless franchise in the majors, Bobby Cox came in and turned the laughing stock into a perennial contender. For all the shit people give Atlanta for only winning 1 championship how many teams wouldn't give anything to have that problem? I think the Cubs would trade us for that kind of failure anytime.

So thank you, Bobby. Thank you for making the Atlanta Braves something that made me miserable instead of something I didn't give a shit about.

SEC Backlash?

In what kind of bizzaro world would you imagine there being 2 undefeated SEC schools at the midway point in the season who would BOTH be ranked lower than a school from the WAC & Mountain West? You'd think 4 straight BCS titles for the conference would earn a little more love for Auburn and LSU...but I get the sneaky feeling that there's not going to be an SEC program representing the league in the title game this year. I am starting to think voters wanna see anyone but a school from the deep south holding that crystal football...even if it means Ohio State gets to face off against the Boise State Smurfs in a battle of undefeated schools who didn't beat anyone worth a shit.

All I've heard this year is how the Big 10 is back and how the Pac 10 has more talent top to bottom than the SEC. It's like a bogus political mantra being repeated week after week on College Gameday until the voters start to believe it. Sure, Georgia and Tennesse both suck, but does that really mean the whole conference is down? LSU is the luckiest team in the history of ever....but a win is a win is a win. South Carolina finds themselves a legit contender but I still get the feeling noone believes in the 'Cocks. And Auburn might just be the quietest undefeated SEC team with a Heisman contender of all time.

All I can say is if Auburn somehow is able to win the SEC and has to settle for a Sugar Bowl while Boise and OSU duke it out for the national championship, I might just drive to Idaho and set the blue turf on fire.

Poll Damn Eagle

take a mental picture, friends. Auburn finds themselves the top ranked SEC team at the midway point. hopefully it lasts. the fact Bama is still ranked higher than the Gamecocks is kinda lame, but i don't bow down to the AP and Coaches and so my top 25 goes as so...


A Lifetime of Defeats Top 25

1. Oregon
2. Ohio State
3. Nebraska
4. Boise State
5. Oklahoma
6. Auburn
7. TCU
8. LSU
9. South Carolina
10. Alabama
11. Arkansas
12. Utah
13. Stanford
14. Michigan State
15. Oklahoma State
16. Missouri
17. FSU
18. Nevada
19. Arizona
20. Iowa
21. Wisconsin
22. Air Force
23. West Fucking Virginia
24. Florida
25. North Carolina State

Top 25

A Lifetime of Defeat's Top 25

1. Alabama
2. Oregon
3. Ohio State
4. Boise State
5. Nebraska
6. TCU
7. Auburn
8. Oklahoma
9. LSU
10. Arkansas
11. Arizona
12. Utah
13. Florida
14. Michigan State
15. Miami
16. Iowa
17. Stanford
18. Michigan
19. South Carolina
20. Wisconsin
21. Nevada
22. Oklahoma State
23. Missouri
24. Northwestern
25. Air Force

Perfect Weekend

Auburn Rolls

The Falcons win in comeback fashion to go to 3-1.

& the Braves sneak into the playoffs in Bobby Cox final year.

oh yeah, AND the Georgia Bulldogs fucking suck.

awesome.

as a bonus the weather is FINALLY of the light jacket wearing variety, therefor worth going outside again.