Friday, August 14, 2009

The Return Of The One-Armed Man

so at the end of last season, after the wheels completely fell off the Spread Eagle ,and all the blame had been spread around, and the tailspin of failure was completely out of control, and Kodi Burns was finally Auburn's starting QB because it was painfully obvious that he was the ONLY option...i would've never in a MILLION FUCKING YEARS guessed that Chris Todd would ever start another game for the Auburn Tigers. AND YET HE FUCKING LIVES!!!! and by that i mean that the Chizik has named Chris Todd as the Auburn starter for the 09 season opener vs. Louisiana Tech. WTF?!?!?!?!?!

if you asked me to bet on who was gonna win the starting job between Neil Caudle, Kodi Burns, Tyrik Rollison, and Chris Todd i would've picked Todd last. i mean Chris Fucking Todd?!?! are you serious?!?! i lost patience with that dude after the Vandy game. remember how that went down?

yeah just like that.

so yeah, Chris Todd. wrap your motherfucking mind around that shit if you haven't already blown it out of your fucking skull with a shotgun. Season of Death 2: The Re-Deathening should be hella rad, dude.

the battle for the back-up spot is between junior Neil Caudle and freshman Tyrik Rollison. and what about Kodi Burns? oh, he's now the WILDCAT QB and a wide receiver. he says he's not gonna transfer...probably cuz he figures if he can't beat out this collection of stiffs what chance does he have anywhere else? besides with the shitty state of Auburn's receiving corp i wouldn't be surprised if he ends up a starter. i really feel bad for Kodi, he never had a fucking chance. one assumes that if Rollison ends up being the backup then he's probably gonna be the starter at some point in the season whenever things go to shit and Auburn's just playing for 2010. i guess the coaches must just said, "Hey you know what would be really funny? we should take this offense that's supposed to be all about pace and the QB's ability to make plays and then just pick the slowest guy on the team and make him be the QB. you know the guy who drove all the fans nuts and who couldn't throw the ball more than 10 yards down the field. that would be the ultimate lulz."

so i say it one more time just so it sinks into that blackhole i call a brain: CHRIS TODD IS THE STARTING QB FOR AUBURN IN 2010.

Dear Chris Todd,

please be like Matt Ryan and make me eat a big shit sandwich. understand that it's not personal and i just like having shit to be angry about. i will root my ass off for you.


yr friend,



Jacob said...

After the multitude of pillow fights being pawned off as football games that I tortured myself into watching last season, I though for sure CT would be gone. He bit off way more than he could chew last season, but why even bother to come back? Being booed off the field by 87,451 of your closest friends wasn't enough? CT isn't even qualified to administer his own after-game douche...WHAT THE FUCK makes him qualified to lead an SEC team on Saturday? 20 years from now, when I'm attending AA meetings, I will have this grabastic piece of amphibian shit to thank for such a fulfilling addiction to the liquid kevlar.

jrsuicide said...


Jan said...

well, I think there is a chance Todd's arm has been re-attached. not having watched him in practice, it is hard for me to say, so I defer to the people who have watched him. therefore, I suggest we give him a chance & see what comes down. We should do what Burns asked & support Todd.

jrsuicide said...

I agree.