now that Captain America is dead it's time to talk about the Truth

in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a astrick should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.