Welcome Back NFLs, I Missed You

random thoughts and such from Week 1 of the NFL.



Oh Falcons. You goin' to da SupaBowl. but for serious, watchin' the Falcons manhandle Miami's offense for almost the entire game was a thing of pure beauty. a junk TD by Smoke Dog Ricky in the 4th once the game was pretty much over was okay by me. and in all honestly that shit shoulda been a total blowout of Matt Ryan wasn't over throwing his receivers so much to start the game. I'm feeling it, dude. for the first time in many many years i BELIEVE in the the Falcons.

sadly looking like a smooth motherfucker doesn't = super star QB.


oh Jason Campbell. i fear you won't make it through the season if you keep playin' like this. this is obviously Campbell's make or break it year with the Redskins. they did ever thing they could to try and land Cutler or Sanchez in the offseason, so if J.C. can't lead them to the playoffs (at the very least) then i see him getting shipped out of town or benched next year.

Neckbeard wins it on the most fluke play i've ever seen.


Meanwhile Droopy Dog played like dogshit and the Bears get their lunch money stolen vs. the Packers. that game was pure suck.


elsewheres in games i did not watch:

McNabb got hurt! SHOCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also Jake Delhomme is made of SUCK.

Drew Brees however is made of awesome! 6 fucking touchdowns!? are you shitting me? i'm afraid of what he may do to Atlanta's secondary.

Sexy Sanchez wins. Stafford loses and throws about a million interceptions. my over under for INTS by Matt Stafford this year is 22. such is the life of a Detroit Lions QB.

FACT: Purple Jesus is more awesome at football than anyone since Bo Jackson.


Dear St. Louis Rams fans,

this is your football season.


and for fans out there of the Thug Apologists: i regret to inform you that i've retired from fantasy football as i haven't the love and effort to put into it anymore. and so it goes.

but....

SCI FI FANTASY FOOTBALL! think of the possibilities. Boba Fett is your starting WR, Legolas as your QB, a defense made up of Cylons!!! Nerdgasm.

i'm trying my best not to be a total homer

A Lifetime of Defeats Top 25, week 3

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Alabama
5. California
6. Penn State
7. LSU
8. Ole' Miss
9. BYU
10. Boise State
11. Georgia Tech
12. Oklahoma
13. Ohio State
14. Virginia Tech
15. Miami
16. TCU
17. Cincinnati
18. Utah
19. Houston
20. Oklahoma State
21. Kansas
22. Mizzou
23. Arkansas
24. Georgia
25. Oregon State

Get the fuck out of here: North Carolina (barely beating UConn ain't doin' it for me), FSU (barely beat DIAA team)

Welcome to the party: Houston makes their 1st appearance EVER in my poll. Georgia is back...but I don't believe they'll be there long after a trip to Arkansas.

On the cusp: Nebraska, Michigan, Pitt, and the winner of the West Virginia vs Auburn game will be joining the list.

Big Fucking Surprise

Hey, here's a SHOCKER. Michigan is back in the Top 25 of the AP Poll.

As I assumed the overrating begins. Northeastern sports writers remain lazy and uninterested in anyone other than traditional powers. Whatevs.

WHATCHU KNOW 'BOUT THEM DURTY BURDS!?!

ah shit!!!!!

Fucknuts McWhitey, Burner Turner, Rowdy Roddy, Big John, All Them Burds Bout To Get They Swagger On!

Atlanta Falcons Motherfucker!


SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Lil' Scrappy Will Get You Pumped To Get Yo Azz Crunk!

Spread Eagle 2: Electric Boogaloo, i think i LOVE U.

WildKodi is scoring all Yr touchdowns and ain't shit U gonna do 'bout it.

589 TOTAL YARDS!

49 POINTS!

TWO RBS OVER 100 YARDS ON THE GROUND!

DARVIN ADAMS WITH OVER 100 YARDS RECEIVING!

KODI BURNS WITH 4 TOUCHDOWNS!!!! (3 rushing...i hope you got him in your SEC fantasy league)

OH WHAT A DIFFERENCE A YEAR MAKES!

49 > 3...that's all i care about. could the defense have played a little better? sure, but i'll take a blowout win any day of the week.

i'm loving the Tate and McCalebb show! THunderbolt (Tate) & Lightfoot (McCalebb) 4EVER!!!

i'm loving the unstoppable WildKodi in the redzone. Burns may end up with about 15 touchdowns if this keeps up.

Todd is def the right man to play QB, but it seems obvious to me that Burns is a true leader. The way he's making the most of his new position makes my heart swell with pride. Plus that block he made was awesome.

i'm loving Darvin Adams! (any word on his injury? couldn't find anything.)

Okay now for the hyperbole portion of this post: yes it's only been 2 games and yes against weak opponents, but can you honestly tell me that Auburn doesn't look like the 3rd or 4th best team in the SEC so far. I've watched LSU, UGA, & Tennessee and I don't see any reason the Tigers can't beat them all. And I still don't believe in Ole Miss. I think Arkansas will be a real test, but other than that the SEC just isn't making me scared so far. Of course for me to really get excited then Auburn will have to beat a big boy, but I'm feeling a lot better about this team in week 2 than I ever imagined I would.

i'm loving my Auburn Tigers again.

WAR EAGLE MOTHERFUCKER!!!

if this box score doesn't give you a football boner then i guess you are dead.

random thoughts from an awesome week 2 of college football

So if Michigan is "back" what does Auburn offensive explosion mean? Not much to ESPN until they beat someone in the SEC worth a shit.

Chances Auburn will be in the top 25 next week: none

Chances Michigan will be in the top 25 next week: 100/100

Big 10. What's the fucking point?

USC...why'd you dick around so long? Matt Barkley already did something Mark Sanchez never did and lead the Trojans on a game winning drive. Its probably safe to put that kid at the top of your draft board in 3 years.

It's Florida and then everyone else.

Georgia and South Carolina both looked shitty and awesome at the same time. I have no clue about either of those teams.

LSU isn't gonna win the West.

BYU will kill you.

Maybe saying Miami was back was a little premature after seeing FSU barely sneak out a win vs. Nobody U.

Central Michigan vs. Michigan State was the most bananas ending of any game I've seen in a long time.

Al Groh and Dan Hawkins are neck and neck in the "you are so fucking fired" race. My money is on Groh gettin the axe first.

Zen and the art of shitty coaching

No, I don't know why I'm watching this Colorado @ Toledo game. 30 to fucking 3! Are you serious?

Dan Hawkins is sooooooooooooooooooo fucking fired.

It's an all out race between he & Al Groh to see who goes 1st.

Suicide Watch (2009): Week 2, let's not do THAT again.

Auburn vs. Mississippi State 2008.

3-2

3 to fucking 2!!!

relive the horror...



maybe the worst college football game in the history of the universe.

Punt 4 Victory was born that rainy night. Clinton Durst became a god just for getting me through it. I wanted to make t-shirts to celebrate such an Apocalypse of suck, but American Apparel don't make the right color orange in their t-shirts.

A tragic brain melter and the true beginning of the end for Tommy Tuberville.

fuck that game forever. just thinking about it makes me want to vomit.

Auburn should win on Saturday, they're better than State. they've got their ground game back. it's at home. there's no evil Brandon Cox to throw costly interceptions. there's no Tony Franklin calling horrible plays. it's gonna be fine. i promise.

i hope.

Potential for Tragedy: 5 in a loss, 9 in victory, it's Miss State...weird shit happens when you play them, especially to teams from the state of Alabama. Auburn could lose and i'll want to die or they could win and i'll want to stopping watching football for the rest of my life and pick up a more exciting contest like soccer.

Method of suicide: seriously if auburn plays like they did last year then I may just pull all the many deaths of Harold Chasen (that's a Harold & Maude ref for the kids out there.)

ROLL TIDE 4EVAH

Uber Douche Tide Fan Alert!



now Ricky is the true star of the show for his borderline psycho behavior and for his use of N-Bombs (which is always a bad idea when something ends up on the internet), but my very favorite moment of this video is the girl who says "Motherfucker, god dang!" Jesus thanks you for that one little missy.

"HORSESHIT!! GODDAMN HORSESHIT!!"

via Every Day Should Be Saturday.

TV PARTY: Week 2

THURSDAY NIGHT ALWAYS EQUALS DOOM FOR GOOD TEAMS

Clemson @ Georgia Tech on ESPN tonight 7:30PM

the Jackets lethal running game vs a Clemson team that just wants to forget about last year and move forward. tonight's game gives you a matchup of 2 of the best runningbacks in the country in CJ Spiller of Clemson and Jonathan Dwyer of GA Tech. logic and history tells you that this is the kind of game that Tech ALWAYS FUCKING LOSES, but then again it's also the kind of game Clemson always loses. ranked teams never really do well on these Thursday night contests but i think those nerds from Tech are gonna run all over the Tigers of Clemson in a blowout win.

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR FOOTBALL ON SATURDAY MORNING WHEN THE DAVE'S AREN'T INVOLVED

various crappy games on various channels

as with last weekend, i have no idea what channel the early SEC game is on or who it's between. i think the Gators are playing Troy so i'll assume that's what Peach Tree TV is showing. but who knows. Fresno State travels to Wisconsin on ESPN at noon, if you've got ESPNU then there's an interesting matchup between UConn and UNC. what? it's not basketball? okay, who cares then. if you've got ESPN 360 then you can enjoy a couple of nerds in a slapfight as Wake Forest and Stanford go at it.

THE HYPE WILL BE UNBEARABLE GAME OF THE WEEK

Notre Dame @ Michigan on ABC, 3:30 pm

a couple of teams gettin' way too much credit for blowing out teams that they SHOULD have blown out play each other in a game that i'll only watch because i kinda wanna see if Michigan can go ahead and ruin the Irish's year. probably not, but still they've both got nice uniforms and it's pleasing to the eyes. kinda like this...


WE'RE BACK IF WE WIN THIS GAME

UCLA @ Tennessee on ESPN, 4pm

The Vols wanna get revenge against the Bruins and likely they will which is gonna get the whole Tennessee is back ball rolling...especially if it's a blowout. you know it and i know it.

DIE! JOE COX DIE! Game of The Week

South Carolina @ UGA on ESPN2, 7pm

this might be the last time the Ol' Ball Coach ever gets to beat the Dawgs and ruin their season. every Georgia fan i know is calling for poor Joe Cox head...if Georgia drops this game to the Cox then the fans might storm the field and tear him apart like that scene from the original DAWN OF THE DEAD.

BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE SLAUGHTER GAME OF THE WEEK

USC @ Ohio State on ABC, 8pm

this time Ohio State is really gonna challenge the Trojans. they might even beat them....it's totally gonna happen, i swear.

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

USC is gonna run all over the Buckeyes. this shit will be over by halftime...again. WIN FOREVER doesn't lose these kinda games and i don't see it happening this time.

i hate the new ESPN and SEC marriage, already

no love from ESPN for Auburn, AGAIN. the game Miss State and Auburn game is only available on Gameplan or ESPN360 which is something i don't have. i may have to search for a sportsbar with this one. the worse thing about your team being down is that they become much harder to watch every week on TV. also i would like to point out that this new deal that the SEC signed with ESPN has resulted in there being LESS SEC matchups on regular TV two weeks in a row. to which is say BULLSHIT!!!

FALCONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

remember when i said that Atlanta should draft Brian Brohm instead of Matt Ryan? yeah me neither. Brohm got cut by the Packers a year after being their 2nd round draft pick. ouch!

DEM DIRTY BIRDS IZ BACK, YA'LL!!! better recognize. we goin' to Da SupaBowl this year. fuck yeah, motherfucker. 16-0. Matt Ryan MVP, Burner Turner is rushing for 3,000 yards, & Roddy White is changing his name to White Lightning.

...a boy can dream can't he?

oh NFL, i've missed you...i am actually more excited about Pro Football than i am about college for the 1st time since Mike Vick's rookie year.

realistic expectations for the 09 Atlanta Falcons:

well their schedule is a MOTHERFUCKER...so i'm hoping for 9-7 and maybe they sneak into the wildcard and give Atlanta's fans the teams first back to back winning seasons in franchise history. i can't see an offense with as much talent as Atlanta's doing worse than 7-9. so i'll split the difference and predict an 8-8 record and a 3rd place finish in the NFC South but Atlanta will be a Darkhorse for the Super Bowl in 2010 season.

Terror Is Raining From The Sky!!!

hey it's been just one week but us knee-jerk types are already guessing which headcoach will be the 1st one to be fired this season. after last year's chopping block (which included Auburn's own coach) we can pretty much rule out anybody in the SEC other than some assistants. the Ole Ball Coach might call it quits, but there's no way he'd get fired.

MY TOP 10 COACHES MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED.

1. Al Ghroh, Virginia
2. Dan Hawkins, Colorado
3. Mike Sherman, Texas A&M
4. Paul Wulff, Washington State
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
6. Ron Zook, Illinois
7. Steve Kragthorpe, Louisville
8. George O'Leary, Central Florida
9. Mike Price, UTEP
10. Randy Shannon, Miami (although that win vs. FSU might have saved his job.)

What's Got 2 Thumbs and Wants to Stay Off The Hot Seat?

DA U IS BACK!!!

i hope.

...somebody has to take some players away from Florida.

now for my useless poll

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Alabama
5. California
6. Oklahoma State
7. Ohio State
8. LSU
9. Penn State
10. Ole' Miss
11. BYU
12. Boise State
13. Georgia Tech
14. Oklahoma
15. Virginia Tech
16. Miami
17. North Carolina
18. TCU
19. Cincinnati
20. FSU
21. Kansas
22. Missouri
23. Utah
24. Oregon State
25. Arkansas

Say Hello to Missouri, Cincinnati, and Miami to my pretend top 25. say goodbye to UGA, Oregon, and Iowa. Virginia Tech and FSU both looked good while losing so they keep their spot in the top 25. goodbye UGA. i should drop Oklahoma even further, but instead i like to think BYU might be for real. so long Oregon and you can stay away. Iowa is the only team who actually WON their game that i dropped, but i mean come the fuck on. The Top 4 look like our real contenders for the National Title. everyone else in the top 10 has some question marks.

on the brink: Nebraska (who I totally forgot about), Pitt...nah I am kidding, Auburn (if they win their next 2 then i'll rank em.) South Carolina (looked ugly, but if you beat UGA then you're in.) Baylor is my feel good team of the year. i'll be rooting for them hardcore all year. and NAVY is a lock to make it to the top 25 if they play like they did against the Buckeyes all year long.

i refuse to rank Notre Dame until they beat a REAL team. sorry, i just don't believe the hype. these are the same bunch of kids who haven't beaten anyone.

College Football Pick Em: Week 2

Thursday Sept 10
1: Clemson @ Ga Tech- Ga Tech

Saturday Sept. 12
2: Syracuse @ Penn State- Penn St
3: North Carolina @ Connecticut- UNC
4:Stanford @ Wake forest- Stanford
5: Fresno State @ Wisconsin- Wisconsin
6:Duke @ Army- Army
7: Iowa @ Iowa State- Iowa
8:Troy @ Florida- Florida
9:Marshall @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
10:Texas @ Wyoming- Texas
11:Houston @ Oklahoma State- OK St
12:TCU @ Virginia- TCU
13:Notre Dame @ Michigan- ND
14:East Carolina @ West Virginia- ECU
15:Louisiana Tech @ Navy- Navy
16: UCLA @ Tennessee- UT
17: Jacksonville State @ FSU- FSU
18: FIU @ Alabama- Bama
19: Vanderbilt @ LSU- LSU
20: South Carolina @ Georgia- UGA
21: Mississippi State @ Auburn- Auburn
22:Air Force @ minnesota- Air Force
23:USC @ Ohio State- USC
24:Purdue @ Oregon- Oregon
25: Hawaii @Washington State- Hawaii

Tiebreakers (total points)
A: Clemson @ Georgia Tech- 69
B:UCLA @ Tennessee- 74
C: South Carolina @ UGA- 33
D: USC @ OHIO STATE- 52

Dear FSU & Miami,

this pic is full of awesome...

Thank you for reminding us all that your rivalry can still be awesome.

BEST GAME OF THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND.

Welcome back U. Keep it goin'.

Who Is More Fucked By Injury?

Oklahoma or UGA?

Poor poor Sturdivant. 2 season ending knee injuries in a row...so long NFL career.

And Sam Bradford is another living monument to the lesson that if you are a QB who people consider a 1st round draft pick then you need to go pro right fucking then. Brian Brohm, Matt Lienart, Brady Quinn, etc..., all just shook their head knowingly when you got your ass busted up by that Mormon missle.

NFL Draft stock...its a sonofabitch.

Spread Damn Eagle

The Chiz totally looks like he wants to eat your soul in this pic.


okay i've finally had a chance to watch the replay of the Auburn game and i gotta say, i've got a little bit of optimism (especially after i saw how poorly Georgia & Ole' Miss both played). The running game was a thing of beauty. 2 backs going over 100 yards!? Yes, I'll gladly have some of that. Darvin Adams appeared to be an excellent possession receiver that the passing game can rely on. Mario Fannin is going to be a matchup nightmare for linebackers. And I'm very to happy to see that our one armed zombie QB was able to sling it down the field like he was supposedly gonna do last year. And getting to see Kodi score that 1st touchdown made me really really happy. I have a feeling he's gonna be a hell of a threat in the redzone. So yeah, Spread Eagle 2 is totally the sequel we all wanted to see after the shitty 1st film. Let's just hope it's more than a really rad opening sequence.

The defense...ehh, it could use some work for sure. Too many penalties. Not enough preasure on the QB. But they shut La Tech down in the 2nd half. I also liked the play of the DBs in the redzone. And Darren Bates = super sleeper. I'll hold off any real judgement until they play a team that can actually beat them. I guess I should take that same stance with the offense too, but why kill my joy?

5 things that made me stoked:
Ontario McCalebb
Wes Byrum's rediscovery of his ability to make kicks
Chris Todd having an arm that works
Darvin Adams & Mario Fannin making catches...what a novelty
The play of Auburn's D in the redzone

So the Chiz and the new staff get that much needed 1st win. Everythings coming up roses until it all goes to shit. War Eagle and all that.

Explaining Football To Chicks

FINALLY someone took the time to explain football to silly girls.

this video is so amazing/terrible/sexist/mind blowing that i can only say watch it.

What Is This Thing Called Offense?

556 Yards of total offense? i mean i know it was La Tech but still...i think i've got a football boner.

McCalebb, Tate, Fannin, Todd, Burns, Zachery...could we actually have some weapons?

i still haven't watched the replay of the game so i'll wait to make any sort of evaluation, but the box score makes me happy.

!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL FOOTBALL!!!

FOOTBALL!!!!!! Foooooooooootttttttbbbbaaaaaawwwwwwlllllll!!!!!!!

Beer!

Who has ESPNU?

See Tristan Run

via THE JCCW (rip) twitter feed.

Tristan Davis showing us all how badly he was misused at Auburn last year in this pre-season game.


fuck you Tuberville/Tony Franklin/Whoever the Fuck was Running That Turd Of An Offense last year.

Suicide Watch (2009): Week 1 - Fear And Loathing Is Upon Us, Motherfucker

IT BEGINS....

"I hate to say this," said my attorney as we sat down at the Merry-Go-Round Bar on the second balcony, "but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the Fear."

and so it is upon us. like a pack of wild dogs ready to come tear off our flesh and feast on our bones. the 2009 College Football season. i for one want nothing to do with it. i'd rather be able to flash forward into the year 2010 just at the point when Jupiter gets turned into a 2nd sun. that way noone notices that Auburn football is slowly but surely turning into Kentucky.....Oh Wait, i was supposed to be optimistic about this season. nevermind, forget everything i just said. 8 wins baby. we goin' to the Chicken Bowl!!! whatever...

anyways the longest offseason in recent memory is finally over and Auburn has a brand new coach for the 1st time in 10 years and the thinnest roster of talent that i can ever remember. our offense is lead by a one armed zombie and our defense is a M.A.S.H. unit and we haven't played a single snap yet.

this would've been a great week to schedule Generic Directional University....and yet we face a very capable Louisiana Tech team who went bowling last year.


things to know about the Bulldogs of LA Tech: their runningback Daniel Porter rushed for 1,164 yards...that means he's good. and they've also got a dominating defensive line full of experience. Defensive tackle D’Anthony Smith is an NFL prospect and Mason Hitt is pretty good too. Auburn's line will have to protect Todd (something they didn't do last year) and open up the lanes for the Tiger RBs or this might be an ugly puntfest. ya know, like every single game last year.

talent-wise the Tigers should still be good enough with their front four to cause LA Tech trouple. Coleman is gonna have to make some big plays and knock QB Ross Jenkins on his ass all day to give that young Auburn secondary the help it needs. those brand new starting tackles will also need to shut down Porter and the LA Tech running game.

if Auburn can establish their running game and get some homeruns outta speed demon McCaleb then if could see the Tigers blowing this one wide open, but if Auburn has to rely on the passing game then i imagine we'll be witnessing a lot of 3 and outs and stalled drives and PUNTS PUNTS PUNTS PUNT 4 VICTORY!!! and nobody wants that.

honestly Auburn NEEDS a big win to give the fans some faith. everyone knows Chizik was an unpopular hire, and no matter how positive we feel about the coaching staff he's put together, he HAS to win this game to start earning the fan's trust and respect. losing to LA Tech might just derail this entire season and we could end up with the kind of year Michigan in 2008.

Potential for Tragedy: 6, as far as creampuffs go...well LA Tech isn't a real creampuff. not this year anyways. Auburn should be plenty worried about the Bulldogs...but i think a close win is in the cards for Auburn. but if they lose....

method of suicide: put the gun in your mouth and just get it over with cuz this is gonna be a LONG LONG LONG LONG LLLLLOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG year and not much good is going to happen. just make sure you do it right, you don't wanna end up lookin' like arseface.

When You Put Stupid Emo Wings on Yr Unis This Is What Happens....

LaGarrett Blount wins the award for douchebag of the week.

way to sucker punch a guy after you talked a bunch of shit before the game and then followed that up with an attempt to go into the stands and fight some Boise State fans Ron Artest style until you had to be restrained by your coaches and some cops. You get a big fat "Way To Go" for your effort.

hey LaGarrett, do you hear that sound?

that's your future draft stock falling like a fucking stone in water.

fuckhead.

But hey you weren't the only Duck actingly like a spoiled brat. A couple of your teammates decided to fight with each other as soon as the game ended. Yeah I can really see you guys challenging USC for that Pac 10 crown this year. How do you spell nosedive?

Football Is Back, Baby!!! You just gotta keep livin' man, L-I-V-I-N.

how fucking stoked are you?

ask me if i am excited....

The Chiz gets some SI love

SI.com has an interesting article on Gene Chizik that wonders if he's got the goods to be a Pete Carrol kind of coach....or at least i think that's what the article was about, i got bored and quit reading half-way through...but feel free to finish it for me and let me know how it ends.

Hey, Look. We Got Ourselves One Of Them Football Teams

The Opening Game 2009 Depth Chart has been released kids. and if you weren't scared before then you sure as shit will be now.

i'd have trouble winning video games with this roster.

first off, a big "FUCK YOU" to Tuberville for letting the roster get this thin. Yeah i fucking said it. FUCK YOU TOMMY TUBERVILLE YOU BIG EARED MOTHERFUCKER. yeah yeah yeah...i know, Thanks for 2004 and the big wins and blah fucking blah....but if the 2009 Auburn Football Team isn't an indictment of the Tuberville regime's shitty recruiting the last couple of years then i don't know what is. okay, sorry for that little outburst. we say the meanest things to the ones we loved the most.

so via War Eagle Extra here's what the Tigers are gonna look like vs. LA Tech on Saturday.

Offense

QB: Chris Todd, 6-4, 210, Sr.
Neil Caudle, 6-3, 200, Jr.
Tyrik Rollison, 6-0, 194, Fr.

RB: Ben Tate, 5-11, 218, Sr.
Onterio McCalebb, 5-10, 164, Fr.

FB: Mario Fannin, 5-11, 225, Jr.
John Doulgas, 6-2, 241, So. OR
Gabe McKenzie, 6-5, 252, Sr.

TE: Tommy Trott, 6-5, 243, Sr.
Philip Lutzenkirchen, 6-4, 262, Fr.
Jay Wisner, 6-2, 194, Jr.

WR: Terrell Zachery, 6-1, 203, Jr.
Kodi Burns, 6-2, 208, Jr.

WR: Darvin Adams, 6-3, 185, So.
DeAngelo Benton, 6-2, 192, Fr. OR
Emory Blake, 6-1, 192, Fr.

LT: Lee Ziemba, 6-8, 308, Jr.
Jared Cooper, 6-4, 295, So.

LG: Byron Isom, 6-3, 281, Jr.
Jorell Bostrum, 6-3, 362, Jr.

C: Ryan Pugh, 6-4, 289, Jr.
Bart Eddins, 6-4, 297, Jr.

RG: Mike Berry, 6-3, 311, Jr.
John Sullen, 6-6, 346, Fr.

RT: Andrew McCain, 6-6, 299, Sr.
Vance Smith, 6-2, 281, So.
Defense

LE: Antonio Coleman, 6-3, 261, Sr.
Nosa Eguae, 6-2, 244, Fr.

LT: Mike Blanc, 6-4, 288, Jr.
Nick Fairley, 6-5, 293, So.

RT: Jake Ricks, 6-4, 292, Sr.
Zach Clayton, 6-3, 281, Jr.
Derrick Lykes, 6-2, 284, rFr.

DE: Michael Goggans, 6-3, 264, Jr.
Dee Ford, 6-4, 214, Fr.

LLB: Craig Stevens, 6-3, 223, Jr.
Jonathan Evans, 5-11, 207,, Fr.

MLB: Josh Bynes, 6-2, 239, Jr.
Harrison Gaston, 6-1, 219, Fr.

RLB: Eltoro Freeman, 5-11, 222, So.
Adam Herring, 6-1, 216, So.
Wade Christopher, 6-1, 215, So.

LCB: Walt McFadden, 6-0, 175, Sr.
Harry Adams, 6-0, 183, So.

S: Daren Bates, 5-11, 195, Fr.
Drew Cole, 5-11, 182, So.
T'Sharvan Bell, 6-0, 192, So.

S: Zac Etheridge, 6-0, 212, Jr.
Mike Slade, 6-3, 192, So.
D'Antoine Hood, 5-10, 187, So.

RCB: Neiko Thorpe, 6-2, 176, So.
Demond Washington, 5-9, 185, Jr.
Special Teams

PK: Wes Byrum, 6-2, 209, Jr.
Morgan Hull, 6-3, 199, Jr.

P: Clinton Durst, 6-1, 191, Sr.
Ryan Shoemaker, 6-0, 184, Jr.

LS: Josh Harris, 6-1, 220, So.
Bailey Woods, 6-5, 237, So.

H: Clayton Crofoot, 6-6, 191, Sr.
Neil Caudle, 6-3, 200, Jr.

KR: Terrell Zachery, 6-1, 203, Jr.
Onterio McCalebb, 5-10, 164, Fr.
Neiko Thorpe, 6-2, 176, So.
Mario Fannin, 5-11, 225, So.

PR: Mario Fannin, 5-11, 225, Jr.
Anthony Gulley, 5-9, 176, Fr.

excuse me for a second....

....no not yet. there's plenty of time for that.

ugggghhhhh. so we've got like probably the weakest defense that Auburn has put together since??????????????? i have no fucking clue, i can't recall when i could say going into the first game of the year that that Tigers looked like they might not be able to shut down most any team they played. this is gonna be a long year, isn't it? fuck. i'm too old for this bullshit.

the only real strength of this team is going to be the running game and if there is a God then Auburn is gonna be a run-first-ask questions later kind of spread team this season, unless Chris Todd had some sort of Robocop super arm put in to replace hi missing arm and some bionic legs put in to replace his zombie speed. so i say give it to Tate, Fannin, and McCalebb and get that zombie out of the fucking way. as far as the wideouts go, again i think we can all extend a nice finger in the direction of our former coaching staff for the top notch job they did with supposed 4 star recruits who'd been a part of the last 4 classes. oh well, let's hope those Freshmen were worth their hype and let's hope Kodi is better at catching and running than he is at accurately throwing a forward pass.

"The Fear" is all over me right now.

TV PARTY: Week 1

The Thursday Night Double Dip

South Carolina @ NC State on ESPN 7pm

this was one of the ugliest games week 1 last year and i was pretty sure, at the time, that NC State's freshman QB got killed during the game. he didn't and actually ended up being 1st team all ACC...which should tell you that the ACC QB situation is even worse than the SEC's. everyone is predicting that this is the Ole' Ball Coach's final season in Columbia and a loss to start the year against a middle tier ACC team probably will help get that ball rolling.

Oregon @ Boise State on ESPN 10:15pm

after you've been lulled to sleep by NC State vs. South Carolina you are gonna have to do some lines and down a couple of Redbulls to get yourself pumped up for one of the best matchups of Week 1. it's unlikely that you will need the cocaine of redbull though because Boise and Oregon will shock your brain into gear with their collection of Neon-Eye-Rape uniforms.

or

who is uglier? i can't even tell anymore.

this is a clash of two top 20 teams with BCS bowl game goals on their mind. last year Boise knocked off Oregon who were down to like their 12th QB of the season. this year the Ducks' starter is healthy (keep him in a bubble until game time guys). if Oregon really is set to knock USC off their perch then beating a solid non-BCS school on their hold turf is a great way to start. unfortunately weird things happen when you travel to the land of smurfs. i like Boise to knock the Ducks off on their way to running the table...again.

if you watch the Tulane and Tulsa game on Friday night and you didn't go to either of those schools then you are 1 of 3 things: a compulsive gambler, someone with mono, or a loser who can't get a date on Friday night.

Good Morning Sunshine, Did You Miss Me? Game
various Noon games on various channels.

now that ESPN owns the SEC i don't get to shake my hangover off with the pleasurable early morning SEC low-budget broadcast anymore and so i must take what the WWL gives me...and that looks to be a choice of either Navy vs Ohio State or Minnesota at Syracuse. FUCK THAT. hopefully CSS has some better option for me or possibly the ACC noon game will be of some quality. regardless i may actually go do something like run an errand or go get beer while i avoid to suckiness of the Big 10.

THE HOLY SHIT REAL FOOTBALL IS BACK GAME

UGA @ Oklahoma State on ABC 3:30 pm

it's def gonna feel weird for the first game of the season to be elsewhere. Athens should be a ghost town, so i'll have my pick of bars to watch this showdown with Okie State. i fully expect the Dawgs to feed the Cowboys a healthy dose of reality and bury them in their brand new T. Boone purchased stadium. if not, at least i can have fun watching the Georgia fans sulk at the bar afterwards.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ESPNU?????

La Tech @ Auburn on ESPNU 7 pm

this will be the time of the day when i try and sober up enough to drive around and search for a bar that has ESPNU and will put the Auburn game on for the one Tigers fan in the Classic City. with luck, the Dawgs will be rolling and noone will give me any shit and i can find my own spot to enjoy SPREAD EAGLE 2: Electric Boogaloo's first outing vs. LA Tech. if things don't go well i may be too sad to endure anything past this game.

ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR ALABAMA RECRUITING COMMERCIAL???

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech in the Georgia Dome on ABC @ 8pm

the Tide in the Dome vs a Virginia Tech team minus their star runningback. this could be another ugly ACC ass-whiping that gets Alabama rolling towards another SEC title game or the Hokies could pull the shocker and take advantage of Alabama's new QB and young offensive line....but that'd probably be too much to ask for. no, i expect this will be a Bama style beatdown. hopefully Auburn looks impressive enough vs. La Tech that i won't be too wrapped up in this game.

Do Your Kidney's Still Work? Well Let's Put An End To That!

LSU @ Washington on ESPN 10:30pm

after a long day of football curl up on the couch and watch LSU commit ritualistic murder against the poor Huskies in the Pacific Northwest.