Hey, who is Auburn playing this week anyways?

so you may or may not have heard this 800 times the last week or so, but for the 3rd time in a row the Iron Bowl will feature an undefeated national title contending school from the great state of Alabama...yet this time it's the boys in blue who wear the target on their chest. Auburn comes into the game needing just two wins to get to Arizona...that's it. a 2 game season. they are lead by an unstoppable QB crippling in Nick Fairly, a tandem of talented runningbacks, a senior offensive line, and the best player to put on the AU helmet since Pat Dye was paying Bo Jackson. THIS IS THE REASON WE LOVE COLLEGE FOOTBALL. An Iron Bowl for the ages.

i will admit that i DO wish Bama hadn't lost to LSU and that this game was for EVERYTHING for both teams, but i guess it's comforting that at worst the Tigers will be able to play for the SEC Championship and a trip to the Sugar Bowl (likely to face off against Ohio State).

My Achy Breaky Heart has been broken.

i blame you Billy Ray, for reasons that only the two of us know about.

well that sucked. not in a 36-0 asskicking kinda way, but in a "hey we might really win this shit....oh wait nevermind, you suck!" kinda way, and honestly those are worse sometimes.

The One Armed Zombie did what he could to lead our Tigers to the promised land (not to mention doing a few things to make sure we didn't). and even on the final drive i still believed. but then of course hella shitty clock management pretty much killed that snowball's chance and we are left with a pit of despair at losing to our 3 biggest rivals for a second year in a row.

but i am happy that this Auburn team showed some pride. they refused to let Mark Ingram have his Heisman moment. they refused to be pushed around and dominated like last year. they held Bama outta the endzone on two short fields. they got after the QB. and if they just coulda kept Julio Jones in check a little more they might have just won the game. and so it goes.

going forward i see good things for Auburn. i believe in Gene Chizik. i believe his players want to win for him. i believe in the new staff and their ability to coach up an under talented team. if Auburn can hold on to their offensive guru for a few more seasons then we might actually see another Heisman winner on the Plains. next year we lose Todd, Tate, Trott, Coleman, and McFadden. hopefully Burns, Fannin, Thorpe, and Bynes can all step up and be the leaders they all were this year. hopefully next year Auburn can win a couple of these big rivalry games and start getting some payback in the SEC. i don't think it can happen...i believe it WILL happen.

also a random congrats to the One Armed Zombie for becoming Auburn's all time single season TD leader.

2009 isn't officially over. we've still got our bowl, but honestly nothing matters going forward. 8 wins and a bowl victory would be nice...especially for these seniors who've gone through so much the last 2 years. but right now all that matters is the future. a future that doesn't seem nearly as bleak as it did in 2008.

so War Damn Eagle everyone. and thank you Auburn 2009 for restoring some faith for this lifelong Auburn fan. you might have not been the best team of this decade, but you are easily one of my favorites.

Suicide Watch (2010), Iron Bowl

take that national title shot and shove it down their fucking throats!

War Eagle, Motherfucker.

Iron Bowl Week

a reminder

The Tide Is Coming...

Fuck It! I'm done with football. i'll be drunk and you can go to hell.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

motherfucking piece of shit cocksucking asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hey Lee Ziemba, go ahead and go pro buddy. i'd rather Auburn start a true freshman at left tackle next year than have to watch you gettin' false start penalties every fucking big drive for another fucking year. you fucking suck!

goddamnit i hate the Georgia Bulldogs more than i hate Stone Temple Pilots and Limp Bizkit combined.

to all my Georgia Bulldog loving friends, suck my dick. we are done, professionally.

UGA gonna Floss They Capes

so my old man sends me lots of Auburn related junk that he finds on the internet and this is something i got this morning that made me giggle. this is written by a UGA fan about his own current distaste with how things are going for the Dawgs and it's full of the sort of self-loathing and mockery that i enjoy. i'd love to give credit to whoever wrote this but i haven't the slightest idea.

This is a rant to an Auburn fan asking about tickets to the game in Athens. I asked if I should try to get a ticket before I get to Athens....

"I think you should watch the first 5 min of the game from the bridge and

then get a ticket for $3. Here's how I see it shaking out:

- Georgia rushes onto the field w/ black capes this time. Yes, capes. Black

ones.

- Georgia wins toss. Defers to 2nd half. UGA captains skip and zig zag back

to the sideline to "floss they capes"

- UGA Kickoff out of the endzone (thank God)

- 5 play AU touchdown drive. B Evans gives up big play touchdown pass b/c he

stepped on his cape and fell down. Extra Point good.

Reshad Jones does the "Superman" dance off the field laughing the entire way.

- AU Kickoff 8 yards into endzone. We bring it out anyway because, hell,

we're wearing black capes. Tackled at the 12.

- 1st and 10: Toss sweep to Ealey (3yds - really 1, but he gets a bonus 2 for

the black eye patch he's wearing w/ his cape courtesy of Brandon Spikes).

- 2nd and 9: Cox throws ball 3 yards behind AJ's crossing route. AJ makes an

incredible catch as he dives back against his momentum and lays out

hoizontally. He was able to make the catch because he decided against

wearing the stupid f*cking black cape. 5 yard completion. Wait, called back due to the

first of twelve penalties we will have before halftime.

2nd and 19: Draw play to Richard Samuel. Enough said.

3rd and 16: Auburn sends 14 people after Cox. He makes an attempt to throw

the ball out of bounds, but steps on his cape which restricts his cannon of an

arm. His ball comes up 12 yards short of the sideline, but it's up in the

air so long that one of the 14 AU blitzers is able to get under it and haul

it to the endzone for another AU touchdown.

14-0 with 11:48 to go in the first quarter.

- You trade ticket w/ scalper for extra beer in your pocket. You pay him $3

for his cape. "

Auburn = IN, Georgia = Out

ESPN has a nice little blog post by Chris Low about the Tigers and Bulldogs and how each program is seemingly going in opposite directions. with our Tigers back on the rise with hope for the future and the Dawgs in a tailspin of sorrow that reminds us of our own SEASON OF DEATH.

a quote:

At Auburn, there’s hope, a sense that a new day is coming under first-year coach Gene Chizik. An eight-win season would be greeted with a bunch of approving nods. Even a seven-win season would be tolerable. It's still the honeymoon phase.
At Georgia, there’s despair. There’s anger. There’s real concern that this program is on a slippery slope to mediocrity in the SEC, a program that’s been the hallmark of consistency under Mark Richt. A seven-win season would go over about as well as a 10-year-old getting socks for Christmas.

Hate Week 2009

so it's time of the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry. AKA the game that matters more to me than any other on Auburn's schedule this year.

unlike most Auburn fans, i do not hate the Tide. i mean i want Auburn to beat them, but it's not a life or death thing for me. i was born in Alabama but i grew up in Georgia and thus i was surrounded by the most insufferable/wishy-washy fanbase in all of college football, UGA. nothing can give me more joy than beating the Dawgs and nothing makes me feel sicker to my stomach than watching Auburn lose to the Red and Black. 3 years in a row is 3 too fucking many. so you better win on Saturday, Auburn...i am serious. this is getting old.

Suicide Watch (2009): Week 8, Do or Die

the feeling is mutual, buddy.

first 5 weeks:


last 2 weeks:


what better way to make everyone feel a whole lot better than by rolling into the Bayou beating LSU's fucking brains out?! other than upsetting Bama and ruining their chance at a national title, i couldn't think of a better highlight for the season than if an underdog Auburn team could take those OTHER Tigers and mash their faces in the dirt and end Auburn's current losing streak and get the positive vibes going again. another loss just further throws dirt on this season being anything more than a rebuilding year. a win vs. LSU would be something for the 09 Tigers to hang their hats on, no matter what this team's final record ends up being.

chance of tragedy: 10, it's LSU...on the road. we never win those games, i don't care how inept their offense is.

method of suicide: win this game of else...

No More Crying

my hate for the former coaching staff and my sorrow at the current team's implosion vs. Kentucky had me acting like a mopey little emo kid since Saturday, but that shit is over. get fucking pumped for those damn LSU Tigers...cuz their ain't nobody i hate more than them right now.

you can feel the oncoming crunkness in the ATH

So it's the LSU/UGA game tomorrow in my lovely little town of Athens. There's already so much fucking purple and gold walking around downtown that you'd think kickoff was a few hours from now. When 2 teams I hate as much as Georgia and LSU play it's hard not to root for a natural disaster to swallow them all....and then some douchebag in an LSU polo talked some shit to me and I was just walking down the street...so I hope the Dawgs whip their ass tomorrow and I see that guy lookin all sad tomorrow night so I can punch him in the balls.

Dear FSU & Miami,

this pic is full of awesome...

Thank you for reminding us all that your rivalry can still be awesome.

BEST GAME OF THE HOLIDAY WEEKEND.

Welcome back U. Keep it goin'.

Move the UGA/Florida Game to the ATL???

Hey, if THIS really happens, maybe UGA might start winning more than 1 game against the Gators every 6 or 7 years.

i've actually been saying for about 10 years that if Georgia ever wants to really make this series competitive again they need to get over the fucking Cocktail Party aspect of this game and they should make the Gators leave the state of Florida every once in a while. me thinks the fits will be pitched by all the rich assholes who hang out on St. Simon's Island and this series will stay in Jacksonville where the Dawgs will continue to lose and as an objective outsider i will shake my head in disbelief. as any Auburn fan will tell you from the Bear Bryant days...there ain't no such thing as a neutral site when you are playing on the other team's hometurf.

It's Everyone's Favorite Activity: Stalking Highschool Kids

Rivals unleashed their first top 100 rankings for the class of 2010. Florida, USC, and Ohio State are already all over the list with commitments from several players in the top 100 each. no pick ups for Auburn, but the nation's number 1 running back Lache Seastrunk at least has some interest in the Tigers (as well as about 20 other teams) and with a name like Lache Seastrunk...everybody wants a piece of you.

Horse Shit

well that sucked. A LOT.

i think Bama just scored again.

FUCK.

6 years was fun while it lasted.

good luck against them Gators.

Suicide Watch, Iron Bowl 2008

well it's almost here...

where to begin? As you may have heard, Auburn and Alabama are playing in the annual Iron Bowl tomorrow. and you may have heard that Alabama is the number 1 team in the nation playing for a shot at the BCS title. they've already wrapped up the SEC West and they're looking to stay perfect by knocking off their arch rivals. you may have heard that Auburn has won 6 straight Iron Bowls and dominated the series for the last 25 years (15 to 10 in the last 25 and 8 to 1 in this decade). you may have heard that Bama is back and Auburn is done...that they've got the best damn coach in the nation and ours is one game away from being fired. you may think Auburn's dominance is all over now. maybe it is. but you can never count on anything when it comes to a rivalry.

i'm not gonna be a homer. i know the odds are stacked against the Tigers. Alabama has a ferocious defense and one of the best running games in the nation. they're bigger and stronger than Auburn on both sides of the ball and have more talent on both lines. Auburn is wrapping up their worst season in a decade and has been a schizophrenic mess on offense all year. the defense has played their ass off but is just too banged up and too young all over the place. Tuberville might very well be coaching his final game for Auburn and the Tide would love nothing more than to send the man who has dominated them for a decade on his way with a crushing blowout. i'm willing to bet that if you asked a Tide fan if they could have either a national title this season or a blowout of Auburn but just one over half would choose beating the Tigers (it's been so damn long for them). on paper this game probably shouldn't even be close. Alabama should easily win by 3 touchdowns. Kodi Burns should be ripped apart and fed to Terrence Cody and the Tide fans should FINALLY get a win in the Iron Bowl in their own stadium. but it's a rivalry game...so you never know.

there's really no point in breaking down the game. stats don't matter. it's David vs. Goliath and Goliath wants payback and he wants it bad.

Tuberville, do you have any magic left in those giant ears? do you have one last stand in your bag of tricks? is the SEASON OF DEATH going to end with one last nail in your coffin? are Auburn fans heading for dark days where we can look forward to being passed by the likes of Arkansas and Ole Miss while Alabama returns to dominance? is it all over now? i hope the answer to all those questions is, "hell fucking no".

War Damn Eagle, Auburn. War Damn Eagle, forever.

potential for tragedy: 10, it's the Iron Bowl baby and records aside it's always a code red. but Bama handing Auburn a losing season and getting their coach fired with one fell swoop might be too much for most Auburn fans to handle.

method of suicide: stare down that tank and take it like a man.

Thankful For The Iron Bowl

it's thanksgiving today so i'm showing my thanks to my favorite Iron Bowls ever.

1. the most important Iron Bowl of my life. 1989. the first ever one at Auburn.


2. 1993. Nix to Sanders to save the perfect season. too bad it wasn't on TV.


3. 1986 Iron Bowl. The Tillman Reverse.


4. Honk If You Sacked Brodie. 2005.


5. 2004 Iron Bowl. The Undefeated Season. Cadillac GO Crazy.

Brandon Cox, We Salute You

Oh Brandon Cox, i never thought i'd miss you so quickly. sure you were a statue in the pocket and you loved nothing more than throwing interceptions against the hated Bulldogs...but when it came to Iron Bowls you were the man. i may have cursed your name more than any Auburn QB ever (although Chris Todd may have done a pretty damn good job of catching up in a way shorter time) but you were 3-0 against the Tide and to Auburn fans that's all that will ever really matter.

So Close I Can Taste It