Welcome Back, Gus!

Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me, bro.

Auburn has their man, and it appears to be our old offensive coordinator genius...aka Gus Malzahn.

Nothing but positive vibes from me on this hire. When Kirby Smart became the hot name yesterday I was filled with dread but when news hit the twitterverse that Auburn had chosen to bring back Malzahn I felt instant excitement. Sure I have my worries about the Tigers ability to stop anyone on defense with Gus in full control of the program...but fuck it dude! if Auburn drop 40 points a game then we can give up 35 for all I care. The Urban Meyer Florida teams, 2010 Auburn ,and 2012 Texas A&M showed us that having an uptempo offense can win and win big in the SEC. There's just no reason not to think that without a defensive minded head coach meddling with his offense, that Malzahn can turn Auburn into Oregon of the South. Will he be able to recruit talent on defense? not sure, but the real question will be can he find a QB who can actually run his scheme...because that's what really matters if the Tigers are gonna compete in the SEC again. All these questions are for much later. Right now I'm just gonna be happy.

Welcome back, Gus! War Damn Eagle!

Ok Auburn, Just hire that fucking asshole and get this shit over with.

When I heard that Kentucky had hired Mark Stoops as their headcoach the first thing i said was "Auburn is gonna hire Petrino."

Originally this thought made me kind of sick to my stomach...and not because I'm some strongly moral dickhead who gives a shit about powerful men cheating on their wives... there are bigger problems in the world.  No, I was more sick because my Falcons fandom still thinks of Bobby Petrino as the fuckface who snuck out of town in the middle of the night with a Dear John note in the players' lockers. But that cowardly move actually ended up working out pretty well for the Dirty Birds and Atlanta has never been better as an NFL franchise. So all these years later I don't really give a shit about what he did in Atlanta, or the Jetgate nonsense, or the fact Petrino just seems like a completely unlikeable jerk. Not even a little bit. All I give a shit about Auburn's next headcoach is that they know what the fuck they are doing and can beat UGA and Bama without the benefit of superhuman QBs. Bobby Petrino IS a scumbag...but he is also THE BEST COACH available. And isn't finding the best coach what really matters. Auburn is a school, i understand that...but Auburn Football is a business and the smart business decision is to just hire the asshole who knows how to win. Of course if you read the tweets and the messageboard and blog rants there is a pretty strong section of Auburn fans who say they will not support or watch the Tigers if Petrino is the coach. So 3-9 didn't kill your love but Petrino will? I guess i can only say enjoy the yardwork on Saturdays then.

I'm sure this coaching search to go on for a week or two, but when it is all said and done i fully expect that the man who will be in charge at Auburn next season is going to be Bobby Petrino. You can scream at the heavens about the Auburn Creed and values and others such subjections of mock outrage all you want on twitter and messageboards but deep down you are gonna be happy because you know that Auburn will finally have a coach who can compete with the Sabans and Miles of the SEC.

that being said...if we hire James Franklin or Gus Malzahn i am gonna be hella stoked too, dudes. i just hope i don't have to post something like this again.

Dear Non-BCS School Who Lost Your Coach,

Please do not hire my team's offensive coordinator to become your crappy team that noone cares about's new headcoach. That is all.

Thank You,

JRS

I Laughed Out Loud, like totally.

EDSB is full of truth on this post.

Some Dude Named Tuberville Got Hired At Texas Tech

never heard of him. somebody just told me he used to coach at Ole Miss.

OH WAIT! now i remember.

How the fuck are you gonna Win Forever in Seatle?

don't go Pete! it's fun having you in college football stealing all the recruits away from everyone else in the Pac 10.

if Pete Carroll is really leaving LA for the Seatle fucking Seahawks then USC must about to be going on some serious probation. why else the hell would you leave THE BEST JOB (yeah, it's better than Florida and Texas cuz you get to live in LA and Win Forever) in all of football? 7 million a year is a lot of cash, but seriously why would anybody wanna deal with that meatgrinder when you could live it up in the sun?

prediction: if Pete does go pro, Matt Leinart will be trying to get his agent to get him out of Arizona and into the Northwest....probably unlikely cuz it's a division rival, but still i could see it happening. also wanna bet the Saints might be willing to trade Reggie for a draft pick?

also who would replace Carroll at USC if they aren't on probation? Kiffin would be probably a stretch after just one year on the job...but it wouldn't shock me. my guess would be another former NFL coach like John Gruden...which would make me kinda sad since i think he's pretty good on MNF.

who would've guessed a year ago that Urban Meyer would retire/not retire and that Texas Tech, South Florida, and USC would all be lookin' for new coaches this offseason?

Texas Tech = Fucking Stupid

George O'Leary killed a fucking kid and he's still coaching Central Florida. Mike Leach sticks a rich kid in a shed for a couple of hours and gets fired?! Are you kidding me?

Welcome back to the world of irrelevance, Texas Tech.

On the bright side, its another team for Tuberville to attempt to get hired by.

Screw all this Urban Meyer crap

so wait, he's gonna come back when he feels better? i don't get it. fuck Florida. i want The U to dominate that state again.

if you haven't seen the ESPN film about the 1980s Miami Hurricanes yet then you are blowing it. that shit is fucking awesome. it made me download a bunch of 2 Live Crew songs and try and find my old Hurricanes bucket cap.

Holy Fuck

Urban Meyer is calling it quits. they are saying it's health reasons. total shocker. i wonder how bad Tuberville will want to try and get that job? hell even he could recruit in Florida.

fucking crazy.

top 3 names that jumped into my head...

Chip Kelly
Jim Harbaugh
Kyle Whittingham

Keep Your Fucking Hands Off My Mad Genius!

When we hired Gus Malzahn i had two thoughts immediately: 1. FUCKING AWESOME!!! and 2. Man i hope Auburn isn't TOO good next season or someone is gonna steal him away. well apparently the quest for Auburn's Spread Eagle 2 Guru got an early start when Memphis sacked their headcoach and decided they wanted to make a splash. early reports are that the Tigers Who Only Play Basketball are interested in both Malzahn and Auburn coach Trooper Taylor.

Auburn By Beaver has this quote (via some other Auburn blog that i don't read) about Gustav not being interested in any headcoaching jobs and being committed to doing something special at Auburn...which is just coachspeak for "you motherfuckers better be willing to pay me a shit ton of money to keep my ass here, yo!" i am all for Malzahn being made the highest paid assistant in the SEC. whatever it takes to keep him for at least 2 more years, at which time this ship should be up to full steam and then either we slide in one of the other assistants or pillage another Tulsa offensive coordinator to come run our War Eagle Offense of Speedy Doom!

but yeah, for serious...Keep Away Motherfuckers! he's ours!

5-19 = who gives a shit? 5-0 is all that matters

The Chiz is doing his best job to make everyone look stupid by turning Auburn into one of the surprises of the 09 season...granted the rest of the year is full of tests and this team could easily lose 5 of it's last 7, but even so Auburn believes it can win games. And that optimism might be the best thing our new headcoach has brought to this team.

5 quick thoughts

I Love U Chiz
I Love U Ben Tate
I Love U One Armed Zombie QB
I Love U Lil' McCalebb
I Love U Gustav

Oh yeah...

FUCK THE POLLS!

Let's make TShirts.

i Heart Trooper Taylor

this my new favorite Taylor quote: "I’m sitting on ‘G,’ waiting on ‘O.’ You know I’m ready to go."

man i love that guy. he's totally gonna be a headcoach in the next 2 or 3 years. and hopefully somewhere down the line he'll be Auburn's headman as well. you know after the Chiz wins us a national title and gets his face carved into the side of a mountain. (oh to dream).

for more on how awesome Trooper Taylor is read this story.

Zen and the art of shitty coaching

No, I don't know why I'm watching this Colorado @ Toledo game. 30 to fucking 3! Are you serious?

Dan Hawkins is sooooooooooooooooooo fucking fired.

It's an all out race between he & Al Groh to see who goes 1st.

Terror Is Raining From The Sky!!!

hey it's been just one week but us knee-jerk types are already guessing which headcoach will be the 1st one to be fired this season. after last year's chopping block (which included Auburn's own coach) we can pretty much rule out anybody in the SEC other than some assistants. the Ole Ball Coach might call it quits, but there's no way he'd get fired.

MY TOP 10 COACHES MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED.

1. Al Ghroh, Virginia
2. Dan Hawkins, Colorado
3. Mike Sherman, Texas A&M
4. Paul Wulff, Washington State
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
6. Ron Zook, Illinois
7. Steve Kragthorpe, Louisville
8. George O'Leary, Central Florida
9. Mike Price, UTEP
10. Randy Shannon, Miami (although that win vs. FSU might have saved his job.)

What's Got 2 Thumbs and Wants to Stay Off The Hot Seat?

DA U IS BACK!!!

i hope.

...somebody has to take some players away from Florida.

now for my useless poll

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Alabama
5. California
6. Oklahoma State
7. Ohio State
8. LSU
9. Penn State
10. Ole' Miss
11. BYU
12. Boise State
13. Georgia Tech
14. Oklahoma
15. Virginia Tech
16. Miami
17. North Carolina
18. TCU
19. Cincinnati
20. FSU
21. Kansas
22. Missouri
23. Utah
24. Oregon State
25. Arkansas

Say Hello to Missouri, Cincinnati, and Miami to my pretend top 25. say goodbye to UGA, Oregon, and Iowa. Virginia Tech and FSU both looked good while losing so they keep their spot in the top 25. goodbye UGA. i should drop Oklahoma even further, but instead i like to think BYU might be for real. so long Oregon and you can stay away. Iowa is the only team who actually WON their game that i dropped, but i mean come the fuck on. The Top 4 look like our real contenders for the National Title. everyone else in the top 10 has some question marks.

on the brink: Nebraska (who I totally forgot about), Pitt...nah I am kidding, Auburn (if they win their next 2 then i'll rank em.) South Carolina (looked ugly, but if you beat UGA then you're in.) Baylor is my feel good team of the year. i'll be rooting for them hardcore all year. and NAVY is a lock to make it to the top 25 if they play like they did against the Buckeyes all year long.

i refuse to rank Notre Dame until they beat a REAL team. sorry, i just don't believe the hype. these are the same bunch of kids who haven't beaten anyone.

The Chiz gets some SI love

SI.com has an interesting article on Gene Chizik that wonders if he's got the goods to be a Pete Carrol kind of coach....or at least i think that's what the article was about, i got bored and quit reading half-way through...but feel free to finish it for me and let me know how it ends.

Nick Saban, coming to a theater near you.

Nick Saban is apparently gonna play himself in the movie adaptation of Blindside, as well as Ed Orgeron & Phil Fulmer. my question is who the fuck are they gonna get to play Michael Oher? i'm sure this in no way is about recruiting. whatever, i'm not gonna be a hater, it's a smart move if it's just a bit part.

they've all got a long way to go before they can match the acting chops of Mark Richt.

who?

Georgia hired some guy I've never even heard of before to coach their basketball team. Mark Fox is your man now Dawgs. He won a lot of games at Nevada, so that's good...but yeah, not the BIG SPLASH that UGA was hoping for. Of course most Bulldog fans just said, "when's football season start?" And that pretty much sums up UGA basketball. Anything is better than what Georgia had before, and hey...its not like your top tier football team ran their highly successful coach out of town and hired a guy whose only won 5 games in 2 years...cuz that would be really insane....

Trooper Taylor Hath Given Us New Quotes To Litter The Internet With

besides being the most pimpish looking member of the new coaching staff at Auburn, Trooper Taylor is also gifting us with some awesome new lingo.

my personal favorite : "he's like a limo without gas."

oh and just so you know, some kid with yellow shoes (this is how he was described by the special teams coach) is stealing Wes Byrum's job.

how does one go from this:
to losing your starting job? Oh yeah, going from 73% to 57% on field goal tries probably didn't help.

Ain't Nobody Wanna Coach Your Shitty Basketball Team

So Mizzou head coach Mike Anderson told the Bulldogs no thanks and took less money to stay with the Tigers. I guess battling Kansas, Texas, and Oklahoma seemed more appealing than having to rebuild the worst team in the SEC. Most Georgia fans just said, "We have a basketball team?"

I feel bad for the Dawgs because Anderson was the only big name out there that they had a shot at and living here in Athens I admit that I was a little excited about the prospect of Georgia becoming an entertaining, high flying, dunkathon...but it is not to be.