Thank Odin, God, and Allah that the NFL has returned.

my vintage 1986 NFL Pro Bowl t-shirt. who owns a fucking Pro Bowl t-shirt? apparently this asshole does.

5 predictions for the NFL Season (that have nothing to do with the Falcons)

1. The Houston Texans will finally unseat the Colts in the AFC South

2. The Raiders will win 8 games.

3. Brett Favre will get hurt and actually miss a game this year, snapping his streak.

4. CJ Spiller is gonna win the NFL Rookie of the Year.

5. The Jets are NOT going to make it to the Super Bowl

A Way Too Early Prediction for the 2010 NFL Season

NFC South

Falcons
Saints
Panthers
Bucs

NFC North

Packers
Vikings
Bears
Lions

NFC East

Cowboys
Giants
Eagles
Redskins

NFC West

49ers
Seahawks
Cardinals
Rams

NFC Wild Cards- Vikings & Saints

NFC Champs- Cowboys

AFC South

Titans
Colts
Texans
Jaguars

AFC North

Ravens
Bengals
Steelers
Browns

AFC East

Jets
Dolphins
Patriots
Bills

AFC West

Chargers
Raiders
Broncos
Chiefs

AFC Wildcards- Dolphins & Colts

AFC Champs- Chargers

Super Bowl Champs- Chargers

Super Bowl Prediction

Saints 31 Colts 28

MVP Drew Brees

Well I Already Have One Loss Predicted For Auburn Next Year

so the Auburn vs Mississippi State game next year has been moved to a Thursday night ESPN game.

when will big time programs ever learn to JUST SAY NO! to Thursday Night!?

all it means is you are gonna lose to an underdog on national tv and get beat up in the press over it. leave Thursday night to the Big East, ACC, and the Vandys and South Carolinas. i want nothing to do with that blackhole of college football upsets.

FUCKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bowl-O-Rama 2009/2010

predictions

1: Fresno State vs Wyoming- Fresno St
2:Central florida vs Rutgers- Rutgers
3: Southern Miss vs Middle Tennessee State- Southern Miss
4: Oregon State vs BYU- Oregon State
5: Utah vs California- Utah
6: Nevada vs SMU- Nevada
7: Marshall vs Ohio- Ohio
8: Pittsburgh vs North Carolina- Pitt
9: Boston College vs Southern California- USC
10: Kentucky vs Clemson- Clemson
11: Texas A&M vs Georgia- UGA
12: Miami vs Wisconsin- Miami
13: Bowling Green vs Idaho- Idaho
14: Arizona vs Nebraska- Nebraska
15: Houston vs Air Force- Houston
16: Oklahoma vs Stanford- Oklahoma
17:Navy vs Missouri- Mizzou
18: Minnesota vs Iowa State- Minnesota
19: Virginia Tech vs Tennessee- Va Tech
20: Northwestern vs Auburn- Auburn
21: West Virginia vs Florida State- West Virginia
22: Penn State vs LSU- LSU
23: Ohio State vs Oregon- Oregon
24: Florida vs Cincinnati- Florida
25: South Florida vs Northern Illinois- South Florida
26: South Carolina vs Connecticut- SCar
27: Oklahoma State vs Ole Miss- OK State
28: Arkansas vs East Carolina- Arkansas
29: Michigan State vs Texas Tech- Texas Tech
30: Boise State vs TCU- TCU
31: Iowa vs Georgia Tech- Ga Tech
32: Central Michigan vs Troy- Central Michigan
33: Texas vs Alabama- Alabama

other than the Title game, i rank the top 10 best bowl matchups

1. Florida vs. Cinci (Tebow's last call)
2. Oregon vs. OSU (can the Buckeyes actually win a bowl game?)
3. Boise vs. TCU (the pride of the non-BCS)
4. Penn State vs. LSU
5. Auburn vs. Northwestern (scoring orgy)
6. Va Tech vs. Tennessee
7. Oklahoma vs. Stanford
8. West Virginia vs. FSU (bye bye Bowden)
9. Ok State vs. Ole' Miss
10. Ga Tech vs. Iowa

Predicting the BCS Bowls

if we've learned anything from the few years i've been doing this blog, it's that i don't know what the fuck i am ever talking about...and yet i LOVE to try and make predictions (who doesn't?) and so here comes another round and shit that will be completely wrong: what i think the matchups are gonna be for the BCS Bowl games.

BCS Title Game

Florida vs. Texas

Sugar Bowl

Alabama vs. TCU

Rose Bowl

Oregon vs. Ohio State

Fiesta Bowl

Boise State vs. USC

Orange Bowl

Georgia Tech vs. Cincinnati

it would be nice if we could make the Fiesta Bowl take TCU and Boise State, but that isn't gonna happen with the Trojans as an at large. it would be cool to see the Trojans in the Sugar Bowl taking on Alabama...but that would be too much of something that people would actually want to see, so of course it won't.

College Football Pick Em, Week 9...fuck it, who cares?

Thursday Oct 29
1: UNC @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
Friday Oct 30
2: West Virginia @South Florida- WV
Halloween
3: Indiana @ Iowa- Iowa
4: Cincinnati @ Syracuse- Cinci
5: Rutgers @ Connecticut- UConn
6: NC St @ FSU- FSU
7: Purdue @ Wisconsin- Wis
8:Ole Miss @ Auburn- Auburn
9: nebraska @ Baylor- Nebraska
10:Southern Miss @ Houston- Houston
11:San Jose State @ Boise State- Boise
12: UGA vs Florida (Jacksonville)- Florida
13:Miami @ Wake forest- Miami
14:California @ Arizona State- Cal
15: Central Michigan @ Boston college- BC
16: Iowa State @ Texas A&M- A&M
17: Duke @ Virginia- Virginia
18: Michigan @ Illinois- Michigan
19: Temple @ Navy- Navy
20: Kansas @ Texas Tech- Texas Tech
21: UNLV @ TCU- TCU
22: Air Force @Colorado State- Col St
23: UCLA @ Oregon State- UCLA
24: Penn State @ Northwestern- Penn St
25: Eastern Michigan @ Arkansas- Ark
26: Mississippi State @ Kentucky- Kentucky
27: Kansas State @ Oklahoma- OK
28: Georgia Tech @ Vanderbilt- Ga Tech
29: Washington State @ Notre Dame- ND
30: South Carolina @ Tennessee- Tennessee
31: Texas @ Oklahoma State- OK St
32: USC @ Oregon- USC
33: Tulane @ LSU- LSU
34: Michigan State @ Minnesota- Minnesota
Tiebreakers (total Points)
A: Florida vs Georgia- 77
B: Ole Miss @ Auburn- 35
C: USC @ Oregon- 48
D: Georgia Tech @ Vandy- 56

College Football Pick Em, Week 7

Wed Oct 14
1: Boise St @ Tulsa- Boise
Thursday Oct 15
2: Cincinnati @ South Florida- Cinci
Friday Oct. 16
3: Pittsburgh @ Rutgers- Pitt
Sat. Oct 17
4: Arkansas @ florida- UF
5:South Carolina @ Bama- BAMA
6:Oklahoma @ Texas- OK
7:Ohio State @ Purdue- OSU
8:Iowa @ Wisconsin- Wisc
9:Louisville @ connecticut- UCONN
10:Northwestern @ Michigan State- Mich St
11:wake forest @ Clemson- Clemson
12:UGA @ Vanderbilt- UGA
13:Mississippi State @ Middle Tennessee State University- Miss St
14:Army @ Temple- Army
15: UAB @ Ole Miss- Ole Miss
16:wyoming @ Air Force- Air Force
17:USC @ Notre Dame- USC
18:Minnesota @ Penn State- Penn St
19: Texas Tech @ Nebraska- Nebraska
20: california @ UCLA- CAL
21:NC State @ Boston College- BC
22: Colorado State @ TCU- TCU
23: Virginia @ Maryland- Maryland
24: Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech- Va Tech
25:Stanford @ Arizona- Stanford
26:Kansas @ Colorado- Kansas
27: Miami @ UCF- Da U
28: Navy @ SMU- Navy
29:Kentucky @ Auburn- Auburn
30: Washington @ Az. State- Washington
31: Missouri @ Oklahoma State- Ok St
Tiebreakers (Total Points)
A: Texas vs Oklahoma- 90
B: USC @ Notre Dame- 56
C: Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech- 69
D: South Carolina @ Alabama- 42

College Football Pick Em: Week 5

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKNG PICK EM. this is WHY I DO NOT GAMBLE.

Thursday October 1
1: Colorado @ West Virginia- WV
Friday October 2
2: Pittsburgh @ Louisville- PITT
Sat. Oct 3
3: Virginia Tech @ Duke- VA TECH
4:Michigan @ Michigan State- MICH
5:Clemson @ Maryland- CLEM
6:Wisconsin @ Minnesota- WIS
7:Virginia @ UNC- UNC
8:USF @ Syracuse- USF
9:Tulane @ Army- Tulane
10:Northwestern @ Purdue- Purdue
11:Alabama @ Kentucky- BAMA
12:LSU @ UGA- LSU
13Penn State @ Illinois- Penn St
14:UCLA @ Stanford- Stanford
15:Washington @ Notre Dame- ND
16: FSU @ Boston College- FSU
17:Air Force @ Navy- Navy
18: Ohio State @ Indiana- OSU
19:Ole Miss @ Vanderbilt- Ole Miss
20:Oregon State@ Arizona State- Oregon St
21:Georgia Tech @ Mississippi State- Ga Tech
22: Texas A&M vs Arkansas- Arkansas
23:Auburn @ Tennessee- Auburn
24:USC @ Cal- USC
25:Oklahoma @ Miami- Oklahoma
26:Houston @ UTEP- Houston
27: Washington State @ Oregon- Oregon
Tiebreakers (total pts)
A: LSU @ UGA 65
B:Auburn @ Tennessee 75
C: Oklahoma @ Miami 88

College Football Pick Em, Week 4

the SUCK that is me tryin' to pick winners continues.

Thursday Sept. 24
1: Mississippi @ South Carolina- Ole Miss
Saturday Sept. 26
2: LSU @ Mississippi State- LSU
3: Fresno State @ Cincinnati- Cinci
4:South Florida @ FSU- FSU
5:UNC @ Georgia Tech- Tech
6:Indiana @ Michigan- Mich
7:Minnesota @ Northwestern- Minn
8:Michigan State @ Wisconsin- Mich St
9:Wake Forest @ Boston College- BC
10: Arkansas @ Alabama- BAMA
11:California @ Oregon- Cal
12:Miami @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
13:Illinois @ Ohio State- OSU
14:TCU @ Clemson- Clemson
15:Rutgers @ Maryland- Maryland
16:Pittsburgh @ NC State- Pitt
17:Florida @ kentucky- Florida
18:Arizona State @ UGA- UGA
19:Ball State @ Auburn- Auburn
20:Arizona @ Oregon State- Oregon St
21:Iowa @ Penn State- Penn ST
22:Vanderbilt @ Rice- Vandy
23:Notre Dame @ Purdue- ND
24:Washington @ Stanford- Stanford
25:Texas Tech @ Houston- Texas Tech
Tiebreakers (total pts)
A:Miami @ Virginia Tech-48
B:Arkansas @ Bama-54
C:Arizona State @ UGA-72

College Football Pick Em: Week 3

i already fucking hate doing this.

Thursday Sept 17
1: Georgia Tech @ Miami- Ga Tech
Friday Sept 18
2: Boise State @ Fresno State- Boise
Saturday Sept. 19
3: Caifornia @ Minnesota- Cal
4: Ohio State @ Toledo- OSUcks
5: East Carolina @ North Carolina- UNC
6:Louisville @ Kentucky- UK
7: Boston College @ Clemson- Clemson
8: Ball State @ Army- Ball St
9: North Texas @ Alabama- Bama
10: Tennessee @ Florida- UF
11: USC @ Washington- USC
12: Tulsa @ Oklahoma- OK
13: Nebraska @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
14: Utah @ Oregon- Oregon....probably
15: Michigan State @ Notre Dame- ND
16: Middle Tennessee State @ Maryland- Maryland
17: Virgina @ Southern Mississippi- Southern Miss
18: Southest Louisiana @ Ole Miss- Ole Miss
19: Connecticut @ Baylor- Baylor
20: Arizona @ Iowa- Zona
21: Navy @ Pittsburgh- Pitt
22: Cncinnati @ Oregon State- Cinci
23: Florida State @ BYU- BYU
24: Louisiana Lafayette @ LSU- LSU
25: Northwestern @ Syracuse- Norwestern
26: Mississippi State @Vanderbilt- Vandy
27: Florida Atlantic @ South Carolina- SCar
28: UGA @ Arkansas- Arkansas
29: Texas Tech @ Texas- Texas
30: West Virginia @ Auburn- Auburn Motherfucker. 1000 yards of offense!

Tiebreakers (total points)
A: Georgia Tech @ Miami- 56
B: Tennessee @ Forida- 85
C: West Virginia @ Auburn- 74
D: Florida State @ BYU- 46

College Football Pick Em: Week 2

Thursday Sept 10
1: Clemson @ Ga Tech- Ga Tech

Saturday Sept. 12
2: Syracuse @ Penn State- Penn St
3: North Carolina @ Connecticut- UNC
4:Stanford @ Wake forest- Stanford
5: Fresno State @ Wisconsin- Wisconsin
6:Duke @ Army- Army
7: Iowa @ Iowa State- Iowa
8:Troy @ Florida- Florida
9:Marshall @ Virginia Tech- Va Tech
10:Texas @ Wyoming- Texas
11:Houston @ Oklahoma State- OK St
12:TCU @ Virginia- TCU
13:Notre Dame @ Michigan- ND
14:East Carolina @ West Virginia- ECU
15:Louisiana Tech @ Navy- Navy
16: UCLA @ Tennessee- UT
17: Jacksonville State @ FSU- FSU
18: FIU @ Alabama- Bama
19: Vanderbilt @ LSU- LSU
20: South Carolina @ Georgia- UGA
21: Mississippi State @ Auburn- Auburn
22:Air Force @ minnesota- Air Force
23:USC @ Ohio State- USC
24:Purdue @ Oregon- Oregon
25: Hawaii @Washington State- Hawaii

Tiebreakers (total points)
A: Clemson @ Georgia Tech- 69
B:UCLA @ Tennessee- 74
C: South Carolina @ UGA- 33
D: USC @ OHIO STATE- 52

2009 College Football Pick Em: Week 1

it's back. the thing i fail at every fucking week and piss my money away. the College Football Pick Em.

here are my Week 1 picks:

Thursday Sept. 3
1: South Carolina @ NC ST - NC ST
2:Oregon @ Boise State- Boise

Saturday Sept. 5
3: Navy @ Ohio State - OSU
4:Minnesota@ Syracue - Minnesota
5:Kentucky @ Miami (OH) - Kentucky
6:Western Kentucky @ Tennessee - Tennessee
7:Jacksonville State @ Georgia Tech - GA Tech
8:San Jose State @ USC - USC
9: Georgia @ Oklahoma State - UGA
10: Nevada @ Notre Dame - Notre Dame
11: Baylor @ Wake Forest - Baylor
12: Missouri vs Illinois - Illinois
13: Jackson State @ Mississippi State - Miss St
14: Middle Tennesee State University @ Clemson - Clemson
15: Charleston Southern @ Florida - FLA
16: BYU @ Oklahoma- OKlahoma
17: Florida Atlantic @ Nebraska- Nebraska
18: Louisiana Tech @ Auburn- AUBURN
19: Alabama vs Virginia Tech- Bama
20: Stanford @ Washington State- Stanford
21: Maryland @ California- Cal
22: LSU @ Washington- LSU
Sunday Sept. 6
23: Ole Miss @ Memphis- Ole Miss
24:Colorado State @ Colorado- Colorado
Monday Sept. 7
25: Cincinnati @ Rutgers- Rutgers
26: Miami vs Florida State- FSU
Tiebreakers: (Total points) closest average point total wins
A) Alabama vs Virgina Tech - 37 pts
B) B: Georgia @ Oklahoma State- 65 pts
C) C: Oregon @ Boise State- 70 pts

NFL 2009 Predictions

AFC

East

Patriots
Dolphins
Bills
Jets

North

Ravens
Steelers
Bengals
Browns

South

Colts
Texans
Titans
Jaguars

West

Chargers
Raiders
Chiefs
Broncos

Wild cards- Texans & Titans

Champs- Chargers

NFC

East

Giants
Cowboys
Eagles
Redskins

North

Vikings
Bears
Packers
Lions

South

Saints
Falcons
Panthers
Bucs

West

Seahawks
Cardinals
49ers
Rams

Wild cards- Bears, Cowboys

Champ- Giants

Superbowl Champion- Giants

MVP- Drew Brees

Hey, It's my completely useless Pre-Season College Football poll

Everybody's doin' it...might as well throw mine out there too.

1. Florida
2. Texas
3. USC
4. Oklahoma
5. Ohio State
6. California
7. LSU
8. Alabama
9. Penn State
10. Virginia Tech
11. Ole' Miss
12. Oregon
13. Oklahoma State
14. Florida State
15. Georgia Tech
16. Georgia
17. North Carolina
18. TCU
19. Boise State
20. Iowa
21. BYU
22. Utah
23. Kansas
24. Oregon State
25. Arkansas

no love from me for the Irish. you gotta do more than beat Hawaii in a shitty bowl game to trick me into thinking you're worthy of the top 25.

so yeah my top 25 is pretty much the same as most everyone else's with some switching of positions here and there. i'd like it to be known that i DO NOT think Ole' Miss is going to be a top 25 team this year when the seasons ends. i see them going 4-4 in the SEC with a trip to the Chik-Fil-A bowl or worse. they've got the talent top be in the top 10, i just forsee them being this year's Auburn. my Darkhorse SEC team is going to be Arkansas. they've got a good schedule, their offense should be killer, and someone in the SEC is always a surprise.

PREDICTED SEC STANDINGS

EAST

1. Florida
2. Georgia
3. Tennessee
3. South Carolina
5. Vanderbilt
6. Kentucky

WEST

1. LSU
2. Alabama
3. Arkansas
4. Ole Miss
4. Auburn
6. Miss. St.

BCS BOWL PREDICTIONS

BCS Title- Florida over Texas
Rose- USC over Ohio State
Sugar- LSU over Penn State
Fiesta- Oklahoma over Boise State
Orange- Virginia Tech over West Virginia


HEISMAN TOP 5

Tim Tebow
Colt McCoy
Sam Bradford
Terell Pryor
Jevan Sneed

Fear and Loathing In Auburn, Alabama: Predicting the 2009 Season

for the first time since Tommy Tuberville's first season Auburn fans are entering a college football season with more fear and loathing than Hunter S. Thompson on 5 hits of acid and wielding salt shaker full of cocaine.

and for good reason. on offense we've got No defined starter at QB, a thin offensive line, a bunch of useless wide receivers, and a stable of good but not elite runningbacks. on defense we replace both starting defensive tackles and 2 linebackers. we also lost our best cornerback to the draft and have a serious issue with experience among all the backups. it's no wonder that Auburn has been almost unanimously picked to finish in 5th place in the SEC West with anywhere between 5 and 7 wins for the year.

okay so worst case scenario from the experts is SEASON OF DEATH Part 2: Electric Boogaloo....and best case = a good season for Kentucky football? yeah...that's where we are right now, which is kind of insane when you think about a team that went undefeated just 5 years ago and was a top 10 team the 2 years following that and last season was predicted to win the SEC West. so did the wheels really just fall off or was last year just one of those perfect storms of FAIL that happen to almost every program every now and again?

sadly i don't have any answers.....so i went and asked a Wizard and the Wizard gave me his predictions for the 2009 Auburn Tigers Football Season:

Kodi Burns will be named the starter for the season opener following fall practices that still result in no clear cut winner at the QB position. Burns experience and athletic ability are what win him the job. Caudle however will get a chance should Burns struggle.

Week 1 vs. La Tech: Auburn plays a sloppy offensive game where Burns fails to generate any kind of a passing offense. Ben Tate however is able to generate a strong rushing attack and Auburn wracks up over 150 yards on the ground and a few touchdowns as well as some key field goals in the 4th while the defense is able to hold La Tech to just 1 touchdown and a field goal. Auburn wins 20-10. the Chizik era gets it's first win but the fans are not happy with Burns or the new offense. many cries of "the Spread is Dead" and "bench Burns" are launched from the sections of the fanbase with the attention span of a gnat.


Week 2 vs. Miss St: after a sloppy game vs. La Tech the Tigers are looking to get the Spread Eagle 2 up and running vs the seriously talent deficient Bulldogs of Mississippi State. Auburn is able to exploit State's lack of experience and their own QB problems and roll to a big victory...31-6. suddenly Auburn fans are starting to believe in Coach Chizik and the new regime.

Week 3 vs. West Fucking Virginia: following their embarrassment in Morgantown last season Auburn is looking to get some payback in 09 vs the Mountaineers. Noel Devine runs wild on the Tigers defense for almost 200 yards...but QB Jarrett Brown is a little too giving with the football and the Tiger's D is able to get some momentum killing turnovers. Burns and Tate both have big games running the football and H-Back Mario Fannin catches a touchdown pass late in the 4th as Auburn squeaks out a win 17-14. Auburn is 3-0 and has beaten a quality team...some insane people even think they'll be able to compete for the division....

Week 4 vs. Ball State: Auburn finishes up their home stand with a all out beatdown of Ball State 38-3 and Onterio McCalebb announces his presence with authority with two 50 yard + touchdown runs. Neil Caudle even gets some playing time in the 2nd half and connects with freshman DeAngelo Benton for a touchdown. Auburn is 4-0 and even i am starting to think maybe they aren't so fucking bad. the world is back to normal.....

Week 5 @ Tennessee: all those good feelings and positive vibes go down in flames as the Auburn Tigers get their asses kicked by a dominating defensive performance by the Vols. Kodi Burns throws 3 interceptions...1 of them returned for a score by Eric Berry and Tennessee's talented freshmen duo decimates the Auburn front 7. a punt return touchdown by Mario Fannin and a field goal in the 4th are Auburn's only points as the Tigers fall hard 28-10.

Week 6 @ Arkansas: reality begins to set in for Auburn fans when the Tigers get their butt's kicked again by a lethal Arkansas offense. Ryan Mallet picks the secondary apart for almost 300 yards and 3 touchdowns in the air and Michael Smith adds another score in the 4th to ice the game. Burns struggles again with 2 interceptions and 0 touchdowns. Fannin and McCalleb both cough up fumbles giving Auburn 4 turnovers on the day and only a Ben Tate touchdown and a fumble return for a score by the defense result in any points. Auburn loses 28-14. they are now 4-2 overall and 1-2 in the SEC. the fans are calling for Burns' head.

Week 7 vs. Kentucky: with Auburn back vs. a weak Kentucky team the coaches decide to make the switch and Neil Caudle is named the starter against the Wildcats. the Auburn passing game has a spark and Caudle is able to exploit the lousy Kentucky defense for 2 touchdowns. Ben Tate and Mario Fannin both add touchdowns on the ground and the defense gives a solid performance after the two bad showings on the road. Auburn wins 31-13.

Week 8 @ LSU: noone in America gives Auburn any kind of chance against LSU...but like every game in this series this one is another classic. neither defense can seem to stop either team's rushing attack and Auburn takes a 21-17 lead into the 4th quarter and drives the football down the field setting themselves up for a game clinching touchdown...unfortunately Neil Caudle throws a costly interception and LSU drives down the field for a go ahead score 24-21. Auburn has the ball back with a few minutes left and is able to get in field goal range to tie the game and send it into overtime but Wes Byrum misses a 33 yarder wide right and i throw my television out the window and swear off watching LSU games ever again.

Week 9 vs. Ole Miss: following the heart breaker to LSU the Tigers must get themselves together for a big Halloween showdown against Ole' Miss. the Rebels haven't exactly lived up to their preseason top 10 expectations but are still favored over the Tigers by 3. this is the ESPN Saturday night game and Jordan-Hare fans are rocking. Auburn gives it's best team performance of the year and shocks Ole Miss with a 20-13 upset making the Tigers bowl eligible and giving fans some hope again.

Week 10 vs. Furman: it's blowout city vs. Furman as the Tiger score 49 points and gain almost 500 yards of total offense. 7 wins and the two biggest games of the year are left.

Week 11 @ UGA: Auburn finally gets some good luck against the Dawgs who jump out to an early lead but then suddenly become turnover prone in the 2nd half allowing Auburn to get back into the the game and claim their 8th win of the year in a 31-28 nailbiter.

Week 12 vs. Alabama: the Tide are looking to start their own winning streak vs. Auburn and the Tigers are looking to avenge the embarrassment of last year's Iron Bowl. unfortunately the Tide still has an advantage in defensive talent and the Auburn offense can't seem to generate any kind of a running game. Caudle gives a solid performance but the Tigers come up short losing to the Tide 24-13.

Auburn finishes the regular season at 8-4. (4-4 in the SEC/ tied for 4th in the West with Ole Miss) and earns a trip to Atlanta to play North Carolina in the Chik-Fil-A bowl. Auburn fans are mostly happy with the way this season went and optimism is high for 2010.

So yeah, that's what my optimistic Wizard friend told me...what are your predictions?

2009 SEC Predictions

so i've inspected all the preseason college football mags and ingested their often highly inaccurate predictions and now i feel like it's my turn to throw out some bullshit that won't be right and will change my mind about a week before the season starts anyways.


based on all the mags Florida is the out and out favorite not only to win the league but also to win the national title...and why wouldn't they be? they've got almost there entire team returning, the best QB in the SEC...and probably the nation, an offense that can't be stopped, and a defense full of 4 and 5 star depth, and a pretty cushy schedule to boot. if Florida can't go undefeated this season then it's never gonna happen for the Gators.


Ole Miss is the trendy pick to win the West and be a top 10 team based on the way they dismantled Texas Tech and knocked off LSU at the end of last year. Ole Miss was a sleeper team for me last season who i thought would probably win 8 games...they exceeded those expectations. this year anything less than 10 wins will be a disappointment for the Rebels. people are looking for a top 10 finish, a New Years Bowl, and maybe even an outside shot at a National title. they've got a couple of darkhorse Heisman candidates in QB Jevan Sneed and WR/Returner/Wild Rebel QB Dexter McCluster. this is it, this is there year....which means they're probably gonna struggle to win 8 games and end up in the Music City Bowl. i mean this is Ole Miss we are talking about, they couldn't win an SEC title with Eli Manning...plus Houston Nutt, despite being a good coach, is never one who delivers on expectations.


Alabama and LSU seem like Florida's to REAL contenders for the SEC. LSU had a bit of a nightmare season last year, for them but the pick-six machine Jarrett Lee is no longer behind center and instead the athletic Jordan Jefferson will be leading the Tigers this season...assuming he can hold off the 5 star freshman Russell Sheppard. LSU has the best runningback in the league in Charles Scott and a wealth of speedsters at receiver and runningback. last year their defense was worthless, but with all the talent they've recruited and with a new defensive coordinator it seems unlikely that trend will continue. still Les Miles is a bit of a retard, so i could see LSU fucking up and losing to some teams that they've got no business losing to and missing that trip to Atlanta.

Alabama has a young and talented defense, a number of quality runningbacks, and one of the two best wide receivers in the SEC in Julio Jones. the Tide do have to replace a number of offensive linemen and will have a brandnew QB...but it's not like Nick Saban asks his QBs to do very much anyways. i assume this years Bama will just run the ball even more than last year's team and try to shutdown everyone they play with good defense....VERY boring, yet effective. it's like Big 10 football but with Southern accents!


Georgia is getting the also-ran treatment from most everyone...which is to be expected when you lose the talent they did. still The Dawgs have probably one of the 2 best offensive lines in the SEC, some talent at tailback, a superstar wide receiver, and a senior QB with some experience. this looks a lot like that 2005 Georgia team that came out of nowhere to win the SEC. now Georgia's schedule is fucking brutal with a murderous 3 game start that could easily have UGA at 1-2 or even 0-3, and then they've got trips to LSU, Jacksonville, and don't forget those rivalry games against Auburn (who will be looking to end UGA's 3 game winning streak) and Georgia Tech (who'll be looking to get a streak going of their own). this Georgia team could end up being 11-2 or 7-5...its anybody's guess.


the most obvious Darkhorse this season has gotta be Arkansas. after looking like a trainwreck at the beginning of the year the Hawgs suddenly turned into a competent team thanks to runningback Michael Smith. Arkansas had upsets over Auburn and LSU and just missed out on a bowl game. now with former Michigan QB Ryan Mallett as the QB, coach Bobby "Pussyface" Petrino has a talented signal caller to lead his very productive offense. i see Arkansas knocking off UGA and then upsetting one of the top 3 teams in the West of Ole Miss, Alabama, or LSU and finishing up with an 8-4 or 9-3 record and a trip to the Peach or Cotton Bowl and a 3rd place finish in the West and a top 25 ranking.

South Carolina, Vanderbilt (can you imagine Vandy making 2 straight bowls?!), Tennessee, and Auburn all should be able to put together enough wins to make it to Bowl games...but i don't see any of them realistically challenging of the SEC. Kentucky will probably scare a few teams but i think their recent bowl streak comes to an end and if Mississippi State wins more than 1 game this year in the league then i will be shocked.

Standing Predictions

EAST

Florida
Georgia
South Carolina
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
Kentucky

WEST

LSU
Alabama
Arkansas
Ole Miss
Auburn
Mississippi State

Champ: Florida

DO NOT TAKE THIS SHIT TO THE BANK AS I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT!

NBA Playoff Predictions

The Cavs will take out the Magic in 5 games.

The Nuggets will beat the Lakers in a 7 game thriller.

The Cavs over the Nuggets in 6. Lebron and Melo finally get to be the next Magic and Bird...minus the white dude part. David Stern is happy. So is Shaq. Kobe cries himself to sleep on mountains of gold.

2009 Falcons Schedule is a fucking Monster

so following the Atlanta Falcons 2007 season of misery was last year's season of miracles. we've finally got a franchise QB (who doesn't appear to be an idiot) and a solid general manager and head coach in place and things are looking up for the Falcons and with a little bit of help on defense and a strong draft, i was actually starting to believe Atlanta might even be looking at a run to the Super Bowl next year...and then i saw their schedule for next season. they play the entire NFC and AFC east which is loaded with playoff caliber teams (not to mention the NFC South is already one of the 3 toughest divisions in football), they play 2 NFC teams that should all be improved (49ers & Bears), and they have a stretch of games from late October through the month of November that could very well kill any chances at Atlanta's playoff hopes. so let's do that really dumb thing that people like to do and try and figure out how Atlanta favors in these matchups.

Week 1: Sunday, Sept. 13 MIAMI DOLPHINS 1:00 p.m.

the Dolphins, much like Atlanta, came out of nowhere last season and were a playoff team lead by a good defense and one of the leagues best running games. offensively Atlanta holds an edge and the game is @ The Dome. i think Atlanta gets a win here.
1-0

Week 2: Sunday, Sept. 20 CAROLINA PANTHERS 1:00 p.m.

a game against the best team in the NFC South, the Falcons usually play the Panthers pretty good at home so i'll give them another win here.
2-0

Week 3: Sunday, Sept. 27 at New England Patriots 1:00 p.m.

ughhhh. at New England with Tom Brady back and 2 games under his belt, 2 games to shake off the cobwebs, 2 games to get back into a rhythm with Moss and Welker. LOSS.
2-1

Week 4: BYE WEEK

Week 5: Sunday, Oct. 11 at San Francisco 49ers 4:05 p.m.

the 49ers should be one of the more improved teams in the NFL this season (or at least that's what all the pre-season mags are gonna hype them as). this could be a statement game for the Niners against their old-school NFC West rival...luckily San Fran still doesn't have a QB. i'm thinking close win by the Falcons.
3-1

Week 6: Sunday, Oct. 18 CHICAGO BEARS 8:20 p.m.

The Bears have Cutler now and will be looking to avenge the miracle win the Falcons pulled off last year. plus it's a Monday night game. Atlanta isn't really known for stepping up to the plate during big games. LOSS.
3-2

Week 7: Sunday, Oct. 25 at Dallas Cowboys 4:15 p.m.

the beginning of Atlanta's brutal stretch of games. it's at Dallas which is trouble. unless The Falcons defense is greatly improved i am gonna call this one a loss.
3-3

Week 8: Monday, Nov. 2 at New Orleans Saints 8:30 p.m. ESPN

at the Saints for a rivalry game. LOSS.
3-4

Week 9: Sunday, Nov. 8 WASHINGTON REDSKINS 1:00 p.m.

The Redskins should be improved this season and will look to try and make a playoff push. this is Atlanta's only home game during November so they have to get a win or they are fucked. i'm calling a close victory.
4-4

Week 10: Sunday, Nov. 15 at Carolina Panthers 1:00 p.m.

the Panthers will probably be in 1st place and looking to separate themselves from Atlanta. LOSS.
4-5

Week 11: Sunday, Nov. 22 at N.Y. Giants 1:00 p.m.

on the Road vs one of the top 5 teams in the NFL. LOSS.
4-6

Week 12: Sunday, Nov. 29 TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 1:00 p.m.

The Bucs are gonna suck this year, that being said they always fucking give Atlanta trouble, but i think the Falcons can take em. WIN.
5-6

Week 13: Sunday, Dec. 6 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES 1:00 p.m.

at home vs a team that ALWAYS beats Atlanta. LOSS.
5-7

Week 14: Sunday, Dec. 13 NEW ORLEANS SAINTS 1:00 p.m.

at home vs. the rival Saints...both teams will be fighting for a playoff spot but i think Atlanta takes them at home.
6-7

Week 15: Sunday, Dec. 20 at N.Y. Jets 1:00 p.m.

@ The Jets...fucking hell, 2 trips to New York?! that blows. wait who is New York's QB? fuck the Jets, Atlanta gets a win.
7-7

Week 16: Sunday, Dec. 27 BUFFALO BILLS 1:00 p.m.

T.O. comes to town and wrecks to Falcons playoff hopes. LOSS.
7-8

Week 17: Sunday, Jan. 3 at Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1:00 p.m.

the Falcons will have to actually win a divisional game on the road to get to .500 for the year...luckily Tampa Bay will probably be one of the worst teams in the NFL next year and so the Falcons get a win to get to 8-8 on the year.
8-8

No Playoffs for Atlanta, No consecutive winning seasons for the 1st time ever. thanks a lot NFL.

my uninformed Super Bowl prediction

The Buzzsaw crushes The Steelers on Sunday, 35-21. The Cardinals will shut down The Steelers' running game just like they did Atlanta's & they harass Big Ben and create turnovers just like they did vs. Carolina. On offense Fitzgerald will dominate Pittsburgh's weak cornerbacks and he'll snag somewhere around 10 balls for 140 yards and 3 touchdowns on the way to the MVP. Warner will thank Jesus and then retire and Leinart will retreat into the arms of a drunken college girl. Matt Cassel will eventually come to Arizona and take Matt's job away. The Buzzsaw will now join Tampa Bay as one of those teams that used to suck but now is pretty respectable. The Sun will explode and kill us all on May 14th 2027.