Favre dumps the Vikings via text message....like a true douchebag

stay retired, asshole.

and the new most hated man in sports goes to LeBron James

The Heat? Really? You fucking pussy.

Is there a more self important asshole in all of sports than LeBron James? The kid who actually calls himself "King". Well what seems like a 5 year ordeal of where LeBron will play in the future FINALLY ended with the meanest fuck you to a former fanbase that anyone who didn't secretly move their football team to another city in the middle of the night has ever pulled off. When this annoying story finally came to an end and "South Beach" came out of his mouth I really wanted to shoot my tv. I mean superstars have abandoned their teams before (Shaq being the most obvious example when related to LeBron) but never has it been such a completely sickening and painful spectacle. I mean Cleveland is a shitty city, there's no doubt about it...BUT GODDAMN! You really couldn't have just had a press conference like a normal player? It's not the leaving a desperate city who loved you that makes me hate you, it is the fucking ridiculous way you did it. What kind of an ego maniacal monster have we created? Seriously I hope the Heat NEVER win a ring and LeBron goes down as a guy with more in common with Karl Malone than MJ. Actually fuck everyone who compares James to Jordan ever again. Would Mike have ever left the Bulls to go play with Charles Barkley and John Stockton on a team together? Fuck no!

Also ESPN has truly outdone themselves this time. I like to think they could never top this bullshit...and yet I fucking know they can. Oh well, back to Favrewatch.

Never has there been a more perfect example of why college sports beat pro sports every fucking day of the week more than this.

uniformed guess about the future of LeBron

he stays in Cleveland.

or maybe he's going to Chicago.

really i just don't want him in New York, fuck the Knicks.

also fuck the Heat too. for the Hawks sake i don't want him there.

stay in Cleveland you big douchebag.

i miss Brett Favre watch.

Biggest Egomaniac Ever or Biggest Egomaniac Possible?

a one hour special dedicated to Lebron announcing what team he's going to sign with? seriously is he trying to be the most hated man in sports? if the team he picks isn't Cleveland then he will have been successful in making this so.

what a douche.

why aren't the teabaggers protesting the World Cup?

So ESPN 's ratings for the World Cup are up like 50% or some shit like that. You know what that means? There are a shitload more illegal immigrants in this country than there were 4 years ago. Glenn Beck, why the fuck isn't your crazy ass all over this?

a request to my fellow Auburn fans: don't be a dumbass

Well it's only halftime but you and I both know this bullshit is over. Well being ranked and talked about by the national media was nice and all but that's over now. Which is fine, I mean Auburn should be an 8 win team this year and they still could easily still do that. So as a rational (if somewhat schizophrenic and at times overly negative) Auburn fan I am gonna remain optimistic about this season until we lose to someone like Kentucky.

But knowing that there are Auburn fans out there on the internets full of stupid I am gonna predict the 10 most likely DUMB things you will read in the comments of blogs or message boards:

1. Fire Chizik.

2. Fire Malzhan.

3. Bench Todd. It's time to play the freshman.

4. 5-19 blah blah blah blah blah

5. Blah blah blah the spread can't work at Auburn, blah blah blah.

6. We need to get Tuberville back.

7. We can't beat a legit SEC team with a good QB (oh wait, I just said that to someone.)

8. These new coaches ain't gonna cut it. Auburn will be lookin' for a new coach in 2 years. Blah blah blah blah redneck bullshit blah blah blah.

9. (Random borderline racist comment)

10. Burn down the disco, hang the DJ.

Rams In Danger Of Becoming Least Likeable Franchise In All Of Sports

Not that i really needed a reason to start hating the St. Louis Rams or anything... but it's safe to say if noted drug addict/Sore loser/Traitor to the Spirit of America/cock goblin, Rush Limbaugh, really does buy them then i might have a new least favorite team in the NFL to root against.

chances the Rams ever have a black QB in the future...less than .05%.

When You Put Stupid Emo Wings on Yr Unis This Is What Happens....

LaGarrett Blount wins the award for douchebag of the week.

way to sucker punch a guy after you talked a bunch of shit before the game and then followed that up with an attempt to go into the stands and fight some Boise State fans Ron Artest style until you had to be restrained by your coaches and some cops. You get a big fat "Way To Go" for your effort.

hey LaGarrett, do you hear that sound?

that's your future draft stock falling like a fucking stone in water.

fuckhead.

But hey you weren't the only Duck actingly like a spoiled brat. A couple of your teammates decided to fight with each other as soon as the game ended. Yeah I can really see you guys challenging USC for that Pac 10 crown this year. How do you spell nosedive?

My Brain Just Exploded

i mean, it IS hard to argue with such sound logic.

via KSK.

Dear Douchebag,

the Vikings are fucking retarded bringing this hillbilly, attention whore, douchebag onto their team. Super Bowl?! yeah fucking right. Tavaris Jackson had better fucking numbers than Favre did down the stretch to end the season. i wish someone would just Theismann his ass and we'd never have to hear about him playing ever again.

The Least Interesting Super Secret Dunk Of All Time

the way King James and Nike tried to bury this shit you'd have thought the kid ran up his back, dunked it, and then smacked Lebron in the face with his crotch.


honestly if this bullshit had just gone up on the internet in the first place without Lebron gettin' all pissy about it then noone would have even cared. it's not like the video looks like this...

Tiger missed the Cut?

HAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAHAHAHAHaHAhAHaHaHaHAHahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I don't even like golf.

Why Do I Listen To Talk Radio?

is it because i hate myself? is it because i like to make my brain angry? is it because the thought of listening to music on the radio makes me throw up in my own mouth? i don't think i have an answer to the question...i just know that during the day as i drive around i am constantly doing damage to my psyche by exposing myself to hours of sportstalk radio.

today Cowherd was talking about how good the Orlando Magic are and how this is gonna be a great series and blah blah blah words words words hyperbole hyperbole hyperbole. this is less than a week after Orlando got blown out in game 1 by LA and Colin said the series was over...a series that he didn't even think was gonna happen less than a month ago when the Lakers got blown out by Houston during a round 2 game and he called them SOFT and said they were gonna get beat up and manhandled by Denver in the Western conference finals. then he spent 5 mins ripping the Olympics because Kobe is worn out. douche points currently at a MAX. i mean dude, do you ever stick by anything you say? ever? just once? No...okay, just checking.

after 20 minutes of cupping the Magic's balls just in case they somehow win the finals so that he can go back and say he picked them to win the series, he spent 30 minutes trashing Tim Floyd for quiting at USC (a job he was probably gonna get fired from in a month anyways), college basketball fans in general, and then Kentucky. he kept calling Tim Floyd "Tim Shady" and playing the Enimem song "The Real Slim Shady" over and over again...way to keep shit fresh and relevant dog. for a guy who is constantly referring to himself as hip and young (really? i didn't know mid 40s was considered young in the entertainment world.) he is the king of outdated jokes and pop culture references. then after mocking some college basketball fans for no apparent reason he then began rambling on about why the NFL is the only sports league that "Gets It" and at that point i just turned on the new Sonic Youth record and went about my business.

there really was no point to this post. anyone with half a brain knows Cowherd is the biggest douchebag in the history of douchebags and his failures as both a host and a human being are widely documented on these here Internets. mostly this is a desperate cry to myself from myself to quit putting myself through the daily torture of listening to this asshole suck up Oxygen and spit obvious facts, pointless statements, and bullshit theories into the universe.

Douche Alert

via the Auburner. Franklin Speaks, not that anyone cares anymore. Auburn is a place where distrust and paranoia reign supreme and blah blah blah...who fucking cares what this dude says? That's some old shit, I'm over it.

i have a song for you Mr. Franklin.


I really overuse the word douchebag. I think it's time I got a new insult.
Cockgoblin
Jerkoff
Gaywad
Fuckface

Ehhh, I still like douchebag best.

ESPN: a place for mediocre ex-players to get their hate on

if you are like me and spend your afternoons watching ESPN's NFL LIVE then you are pretty familiar with the fact that Mark Schlereth and Trent Dilfer hate everyone in the NFL other than Tom Brady and Peyton Manning and like 5 or 6 other defensive players who could kick their asses.

it's like a daily battle between these assholes as to who can take some random QB to task more for "not being a team guy" and "not having what it takes to be a player in this league". Schlabach was a fucking guard...aka the position the NFL that noone truly gives a shit about and is mostly made up of guys who can't play tackle. yeah he was a good player, but he spends so much time talking about all his injuries and letting you know how tough he was that i don't even care. as for Dilfer...is there a more mediocre QB who won a Super Bowl? ANSWER: nope. not even close. listening to these fucking turds everyday usually sends me into a rage for about 10 minutes after the show and often i wish that i had the power to blow their heads up like the guy in Scanners.

i know i can't be the only one out there who hates these guys...the only real question is which of them is a bigger shit talking douche? i've posted a poll on my blog over to the side and i ask everyone who drops by and reads it to vote on which of these two guys you hate more.

thanks.

NERDS + GAMBLING = HOLY SHIT

this was too obvious NOT to happen. apparently there's a secret world of underground Madden Gambling and shit can get violent.

this is what happens when kids get way to into THE WIRE.



please read and understand: YOU ARE NOT A GANGSTA. YOU ARE A NERD.

i should start my own underground NCAA Football 2009 League. you can't stop my Virtual Auburn Tigers where the Spread Eagle actually works and Kodi Burns owns Heismans (plural motherfucker).

get LOST

I'm honor of tonight's LOST season finale I give you my top 20 people (or duos or groups) in sports that i'd like to strand on a desert island so we never had to hear about them again.

1. Roger Clemens
2. Chris Berman
3. A. Rod
4. Brett Favre
5. Manny
6. Poseur Redsox Fans
7. Drew Ro$enhau$ & $cott Bora$
8. Skip Bayles
9. Mike Wilbon
10. Joe Buck & Tim McCarver
11. Joe Morgan
12. Jim Delany
13. Ocho Cinco
14. Tony Kornheiser (while he's doing Monday Night Football)
15. Jay Mariotti
16. Herbiebot & Corso
17. Colin Cowherd
18. Mike Lupica & Mitch Albom
19. Stan Van Gundy for being a whiny choke artist.
20. T.O. not because I actually hate him, cuz I don't. I just never wanna see another ESPN story about him.

Listening to Mike Wilbon's Mouthhole Noises Makes My Angry Brain Hurt

is there a more dismissive full of himself jerk at ESPN than Mike Wilbon? i mean sure, Skip Bayles is an unbearable cocksucker who once accused Troy Aikmen of being gay to help sell a book he wrote and Chris Berman is a clueless tool who ruins everything he touches; but Wilbon is such a smug, unlikeable asshole that whenever i hear him speak it makes me want to smash my overpriced television and start writing 100,000 word manifestos of hatred to the PTI inbox. listening to him call Atlanta the Worst Sports Town In America (a claim to is so bullshit that i don't even feel like commenting on it) and say he was mad that he couldn't watch Dwayne Wade play anymore (seriously, you are such a homer for any person who was ever born in the city of Chicago that you'd think he was the mayor or something) was another reminder that i wish i had the power to make people's heads explode like in Scanners.

top 7 reasons i hate Mike Wilbon

1. he's a fucking jerk
2. he has an obvious disdain for the common sports fan
3. he's a shameless name dropper of his celebrity friends
4. he's such a homer for all things chicago that it makes Kornheiser's obsession with stars and north eastern sports seem well rounded in comparison.
5. he is the prototypical out of touch older man who hates all things new (blogs, MMA, youth culture in general) to the point that he can't be objective in the slightest when discussing them.
6. for that Sean Taylor stuff and his refusal to apologize afterwards
7. when he tries to talk about college football a puppy dies

Urban Meyer Need To Keep Our Name Out His Mouf

i guess when your program is good at two things, winning national titles and losing to the Auburn Tigers you feel the need to way in on their recruiting practices. a reporter asked Urban Meyer what he thought about Auburn's "Tiger Prowl" and the coach responded with this little quote,

"We're trying to sell graduation rates and academics and (they're) trying the sing and dance routine.

"The Florida coaching staff will not be riding around in limos or ripping off our shirts."

he also said the NCAA should ban the use of limos. he had nothing to say about the 22 players who have been arrested at the University of Florida since he's gotten their...but nobody cares about discipline when you are winning. what a douche. he's probably still mad that Brandon Cox owns Tim Tebow.

The Hawks Announcer Is Not A Dwayne Wade Fan

Hawks' radio announcer, Steve Holman totally going off on Dwayne Wade last night. basically calling him and whiny superstar bitch. hilarious.