Well that was no big deal after all.

So a lot of hype and worry and all we get are a 12 team Big 10, a likely 12 team Pac 10 (once Utah jumps ship), and a 10 team Big 12. Math is hard. Oh yeah and Boise State joined the Mountain West...who should possibly think about adding Houston as well...just sayin. Anyways the SEC gets to stay as is, which I think is mostly a relief to all of us. As fun as the thought of getting Texas A&M kind of was, i'd rather not add another school to fuck shit up for Auburn if we can help it.

Regardless of Texas saving what's left of the Big 12 I still imagine we will see Big Ten expansion to 16 teams in the next five years and the same from the Pac 10/12 and the SEC as well. Greed is the real power in college football and the dollar signs were just lighting up everyone's eyes last week.

3 thoughts on the conference realignments.
1. Nebraska is going to be able to kick some serious ass in the Big Ten. I predict at least 5 or 6 matchups with Ohio State in the Big 10 title game over this next decade...assuming they hold at 12 teams.

2. Colorado and Utah will both be middle of the pack schools in the Pac 12 at best and likely near the bottom of the standings every season. This is no big change for Colorado lately, but I think Utah is going to regret leaving the Mountain West where it was a lot easier to go undefeated and get to BCS games. Utah will be lucky to go 8-4 vs. the likes of USC (probation or not), UCLA, Oregon, Oregon State, and improving Washington, Stanford, Cal, and the Arizona schools. The only real teams I think they'll be better than on a year to year basis will be Washington State and Colorado.

3. Boise State will step in to the Mountain West and keep kicking ass like they always do. Sure BYU and TCU will offer tougher challenges than Nevada and Fresno...but still I see BCS bowls in the Smurfs' future.

My Super Sweet 16 Football Conference

first a word from the WU Tang Clan:


so the hot topic the last few weeks in college football has been the idea that the Big 10 will possibly expand to become the Big 10 + 5 (i wonder if they'll actually change their name this time?) by adding some combination of Big East schools like Rutgers, Pitt, Syracuse, and UConn or Notre Dame or Big 12 schools like Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, and the very far fetched Texas. the SEC already says if it's a Super Conference war the Big 10 wants then it's a Super Conference War that they'll get. the likely hood that the Pac 10 would also swoop in and add some more schools as well seems probable too. the Big 12 and Big East would get fucked big time and the ACC would probably lose a few schools but also be able to hold themselves somewhat together. in the end we could end up with 4 Super Conferences of the Pac 16, SEC, Big 16, and a lesser powerful ACC. so let's play fantasy conference draft and guess who or what they might look like.

the Big 10 becoming the Big 16.
schools they most would want: Notre Dame, Texas, and Rutgers (for the TV market)Syracuse, Pitt, Missouri, Nebraska, or Kansas.

i can't see Texas joining for regional reasons and Notre Dame will stay independents until NBC quits paying them to be.

the new look Big 16

North
Michigan
Michigan State
Iowa
Wisconsin
Minnesota
Northwestern
Syracuse
Rutgers


South
Ohio State
Penn State
Pitt
Illinois
Purdue
Indiana
Missouri
Nebraska

The SEC would of course have a pick of the litter from either the under siege Big 12 or even the weaker ACC.
schools that would be on the radar: Texas, Texas A&M, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, FSU, Miami, Clemson, Georgia Tech, Louisville, & maybe even North Carolina...but that seems unlikely.

i think complaints from Florida and Georgia would keep Georgia Tech or any of the other Florida schools from joining up...plus the temptation to add Oklahoma and Texas would just be too damn big...and adding those schools state rivals probably would make the most sense, so OK State and Texas A&M get added on for good measure. i could however see South Carolina being replaced by Clemson...which is something old school Georgia fans might get excited about. in my universe that is exactly what would happen. also moving Auburn and Alabama to the east where most of their natural rivals reside would also be a likely mood basically turning the SEC East into the most rabid football divsion in all of college football and a fucking son of a bitch to ever win. also adding the Big 12 schools might lead to an alternating of SEC championship games between Atlanta and Dallas every other year....which could be fucking cool.

the new look SEC

East
Florida
Georgia
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
Kentucky
Clemson
Alabama
Auburn

West
LSU
Arkansas
Ole Miss
Mississippi State
Texas
Texas A&M
Oklahoma
Oklahoma State

The ACC would be happy that they were able to hold onto Miami and Florida State and not really care that much about replacing South Carolina with Clemson. they'd swoop in on the ashes of the Big East and go ahead and make their standing as the nation's best basketball conference official by picking off UConn, Louisville, West Virginia, and then have to choose between South Florida or Cincinnati for that final spot. my guess is that Cincinnati being an Ohio school and not wanting to piss off FSU and Miami would give the Bearcats the edge.

new look ACC

Atlantic
FSU
Boston College
Maryland
NC State
Wake Forest
South Carolina
Louisville
Cincinnati

Coastal
Miami
Georgia Tech
North Carolina
Duke
Virginia
Virginia Tech
West Virginia
UConn

With the Pac 10 being left to pick off Colorado from the corpse of the Big 12 and grab up the up and coming schools in the WAC and Mountain West they'd be able to strengthen what has slowly become a pretty average football conference.

the new look Pac 16

North
Oregon
Oregon State
Washington
Washington State
Boise State
BYU
Utah

South
USC
UCLA
California
Stanford
Arizona
Arizona State
Colorado
Fresno State


the completely destroyed Big 12 would do it's best to carry on with it's flagship basketball school Kansas and then nabbing as many of the leftover Texas schools as possible. the Big 12 becomes little more than mid major in the new world order.

North
Kansas
Kansas State
Iowa State
Tulsa
Colorado State
Air Force
Nevada
UNLV

South
Texas Tech
Baylor
TCU
SMU
Houston
Rice
UTEP
LA Tech

the rest of the teams in the Moutain West would likely absorb whatever was left of the WAC and you might even see some schools decide to give up football all together knowing that they just can't manage to compete in this climate. the MAC would continue running as they always have, and whatever was left of Conference USA would likely merge with the Sunbelt forming a South Eastern version of the MAC. with 4 Super conferences and a 5th pretender you'd have every major football school together in a way that moving to a real 8 to 16 team playoff seems inevitable. Notre Dame of course being the pricks they are would still somehow remain included in this.

i don't know...this kinda seems like it will probably happen in the next 10 years. i'd be more shocked if it didn't.

The 2000-2009 Top 25

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25 of the Decade

1. Miami 2001 (12-0) BCS Champs
2. USC 2004 (13-0) BCS Champs
3. Texas 2005 (13-0) BCS Champs
4. USC 2005
5. Oklahoma 2000 (13-0) BSC Champs
6. Auburn 2004 (13-0) SEC Champs
7. Florida 2008 (13-1) BCS Champs
8. USC 2003 (12-1) AP Champs
9. LSU 2003 (12-1) BSC Champs
10. Florida 2006 (13-1) BCS Champs
11. Ohio State 2002 (14-0) BSC Champs
12. Alabama 2009 (13-?) SEC Champ...and most likely national champ
13. Miami 2002 (12-1)
14. USC 2008 (12-1)
15. Utah 2004 (12-0)
16. Oklahoma 2004 (12-1)
17. Utah 2008 (13-0)
18. Texas 2004 (12-1)
19. UGA 2002 (13-1)
20. LSU 2006 (11-2)
21. Ohio State 2006 (12-1)
22. Oregon 2001 (11-1)
23. LSU 2007 (12-2) BCS Champs
24. Penn State 2005 (11-1)
25. Boise State 2006 (13-0)

Best College Football Players Of the Decade

Top 10 Offensive Players of the Decade

1. Vince Young, Texas Longhorns QB

the 2 most dominating performances the Rose Bowl has ever seen, 2005 National Champ, Won the greatest game i ever saw, best player who never won a Heisman. threw for over 6000 yards and rushed for over 3100.

2. Reggie Bush, USC Trojans RB

2005 Heisman Trophy winner, 2 National Titles, Most electrifying college football player i've ever seen.

and of course this:


3. Tim Tebow, Florida Gators QB

1st Heisman winner Sophomore, best powerback/QB combo ever, broke every record the SEC had that was worth breaking, 2 national titles

4. Matt Leinart, USC Trojans QB

2004 Heisman Trophy winner, 2 time national champion, banged more chicks in college than you can even comprehend

5. Darren McFadden, Arkansas Razorbacks RB

the only 2 time Heisman trophy runner-up, 2 time All-American, started this whole Wild Cat craze, rushed for an SEC record 321 yards in a game vs South Carolina, the most awesome SEC runningback ever without the last name Walker or Jackson.


6. Michael Crabtree, Texas Tech WR

2 time Biletnikoff Award winner, 2 time All-American, most awesome game winning touchdown catch and run of the decade.

7. Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech WR

best WR ever. no debate. just think if he didn't have Reggie Ball throwing to him for 3 years.


8. Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma Sooners RB

set the freshman rushing record with 1925 yards, finished 2nd in the Heisman is a true freshman, would've probably gone down as one of the all time greatest college RBs ever if not for injuries his sophomore and junior years.

9. Larry Fitzgerald, Pitt Panthers WR

2003 Biletnikoff Award, All American, 2003 Walter Camp Award Winner as a Sophomore, Heisman Trohpy Runner Up to Jason White's sorry ass. holds an NCAA record with at least one touchdown catch in 18 straight games.

10. Pat White, West Virginia Mountaineers QB

my favorite non-Auburn player of the decade...easily, won 4 bowl games, made West Virginia a household name, lead his team to huge upsets over UGA and Oklahoma in BCS bowls, best running QB of all time.

BEST OFFENSIVE LINEMAN OF THE DECADE:

Joe Thomas, Wisconsin LT

most dominant offensive lineman i've ever watched play football. made people think Wisconsin was actually good.

Top 10 Defensive Players
1. Julius Pepper, North Carolina DE
2. Tommie Harris, Oklahoma DT
3. Ed Reed, Miami S
4. Glenn Dorsey, LSU DT
5. Eric Berry, Tennessee S
6. Patrick Willis, Ole Miss LB
7. DeAngelo Hall, Virginia Tech CB
8. Sean Taylor, Miami S
9. Jonathan Vilma, Miami LB
10. AJ Hawk, Ohio State LB

THE NFL, Halfway point guessing game

THE BENGALS RULE....aka thing i'd never thought i'd say about this year.

so, we're past the halfway point in the season and everyone has played at least 8 games and we've got a nice idea of who rules and who sucks and then after that we have no clue.


AFC

gonna make the playoffs

Colts
Patriots
Bengals

probably gonna make the playoffs

Chargers
Steelers

might make the playoffs

Broncos
Jaguars
Texans

i could see them somehow making the playoffs with the way they are playing now

Dolphins

prediction

1. Colts
2. Bengals
3. Patriots
4. Chargers
5. Steelers
6. Dolphins

NFC

gonna make the playoffs

Saints
Vikings
Cardinals

probably gonna make the playoffs

?

might make the playoffs or might fucking implode and die. who fucking knows?

Cowboys
Eagles
Falcons
Panthers
Packers

def not gonna make the playoffs

Giants
Bears
49ers

prediction

1. Vikings
2. Saints
3. Cardinals
4. Cowboys
5. Eagles
6. Packers

random NFL stuff

gonna get the first pick in the draft

so many shitty teams to choose from....but i'd rank em in likelihood of worst record.

Browns
Lions
Rams
Bucs
Chiefs
Raiders

player i am most happy for

Vince Young

reason i am most happy i am not playing fantasy football this year

i only have to pay attention to the games i actually give a shit about.

team i'd most like to see win the Super Bowl if it isn't the Falcons

Bengals

Top 10 Players Who Should Take The Money and Run, 2010

when it comes to the NFL Draft, i am all for kids leaving school early and getting paid. with this being possibly the last year that rookies are gonna be able to sign ridiculous contracts (a rookie cap is very possible) this might the last chance the get the PAIDEST (word? fuck it, it is now!).

staying in school and being loyal and all that shit sounds nice coming from some people, but most of those people are angry old dudes on messageboards who only live for their college football teams and could care less about you kids making a living some day. i say fuck school. get paid and get laid. those are the only real joys we get outta life anyways. sure you might think it would be fun to give it one more year and try and win and championship or a Heisman trophy or some other dumb shit that doesn't buy you a giant fucking yacht and a summer home but just ask Sam Bradford how that can work out for you.

in fact if you look at QBs who were projected to be 1st round draft picks that decided to go back for one more year almost every single one of them dropped in the next draft. Brady Quinn, Matt Leinart, Brian Brohm, and Colt Brennan are all guys who were projected as 1st round picks (with Leinart and Quinn possible #1 overall picks) following their junior seasons and each one of them fell from where he was expected to go. Brennan who would've been a late 1st rounder or early 2nd round ended up a 6th round choice and Brohm ended up a 2nd round pick who got cut from the Packers this season because he wasn't progressing fast enough and they had no patience for him because of his 2nd round status. had he been a 1st round pick there's no way they would've given up on him so fat. this season Bradford is living proof you shouldn't go back...ever. he would've possibly been the number 1 pick in 2009 and now will most likely be the 3rd or 4th QB taken in this draft because of his injuries. he probably cost himself anywhere between 10 and 20 million because he wanted to give it "One More Year". Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freeman were smart by leaving a year early.

Anyways This is my list of the Top 10 Underclassmen who could be 1st or 2nd round picks that should say Fuck School and go get paid. i put a premium on QBs, WRs, and RBs because those are the players whose stock tends to take unexpected nosedives from year to year. note that i am not including Sam Bradford in this list because he has already stated he's going pro.

1. Jimmy Clausen, QB, Notre Dame- the golden boy of the Fighting Irish was the #1 player coming out of highschool three years ago. then he got to college and went through two years of eating shit and getting hated on and called overrated as the Irish got their asses kicked up and down the field. now in his junior season we are finally seeing what all the hype was about. it's so easy to hate this kid with his douchebag haircut, all the stupid shit he did and said when he was a recruit, and the fact he plays for Notre Dame....but honestly he looks like a future NFL QB when you watch him play. he's likely to be the #1 overall pick in the 2010 draft if he decides to leave. there is no guarantee that'll be true if he stays...especially if the Irish fire Weis and bring in a new coach with a new system. take the money and run Jimmy.

2. Jake Locker, QB, Washington- size, strength, athletic ability. he's like a west-coast Tebow with a better arm. he also plays in a pro style system that makes him much more ready for the NFL. if Clausen isn't the #1 overall pick then i have to believe Locker will be. plus it isn't like you're ever gonna win a title at Washington. get out while you still can kid.

3. Ryan Mallet, QB, Arkansas- the crop of senior QBs has some star power with Colt McCoy and Tim Tebow...but neither of those guys fits in a typical NFL offense. Ryan Mallett however is a 6 foot 7 giant with a rocket arm who is built for an NFL offense. yes, he's only a redshirt sophomore with not even two full years of starting experience but he's the most NFL-looking QB in all of college football. if he comes back next year he could have a huge year and be the top pick in 2011, but he could also come back and play like shit (ala Jevan Snead) and see his stock plummet (ala Jevan Snead). plus the selfish Auburn-loving part of me wants to get that motherfucker out of the SEC asap.

4. Javid Best, RB, California- after that bad fall he took last week i'm sure young Best probably made up his mind that he's leaving school at the end of the year. if i was him i wouldn't even bother coming back and finishing the season. i'd just worry about getting in shape and getting healed for the combine. he's an easy 1st rounder with this year's weak crop of runningbacks.

5. Jonathan Dwyer, RB, Georgia Tech- big, strong, and fast. just like the NFL likes em. all runningbacks worth a shit should leave as soon as they are eligible because the League chews you up and spits you out quicker than any other position. every year you waste in college is a year less you will have to earn cash.

6. Marvin Austin, DT, North Carolina- outside of left tackles and QBs, the position that draft gurus fall in love with the most are can't-miss defensive tackles. Austin is this year's top junior DT...which means he'll easily be a top 15 pick if he leaves early.

7. Eric Berry, SS, Tennessee- Eric Berry woulda been a 1st round pick after his Freshman year if he could've left school. there's no way he'll come back for one more year. not with the likelihood that he'll be a top 5 pick.

8. ALL LEFT TACKLES PROJECTED TO BE 1st Round picks- if you are a big left tackle and you are a junior or a draft eligible sophomore and somebody somewhere told you that someone might take you in the 1st round...go get rich motherfucker. the NFL loves you and wants to give you all their money.

9. Golden Tate, WR, Notre Dame- Tate will probably only be a 2nd round draft pick, but with Clausen more the likely leaving he'd be smart to follow his QB into the draft. wide receivers stock is the most schizophrenic anyways. any WR who is predicted as a 1st or 2nd round choice is insane to go back to school for another year.

10. Damian Williams, WR, USC- USC wideouts have been a bit of a disappointment in the NFL in recent years. this starts to create a bias against you in the minds of scouts. right now Williams is being talked about as a 1st or 2nd rounder. no use if testing that for one more season.

and one more bonus player that i will file under: i don't want him to go pro but i have a sneaking suspicion he will.

Lee Ziemba, OT, Auburn- sorry Tigers fans. don't shoot me for pointing out the obvious. right now Ziemba is a projected 2nd rounder. but there are almost always between 8 and 10 tackles who go in the top 32 picks these days. with his size he could easily fall into the late 1st rounder status. this would be a crushing blow to Auburn with their depth problems on the line...but it's a very real problem. just sayin'.

5 things i think i know at the halfway point of Auburn's season.

despite the fact Auburn just got blowed out (as Emmitt Smith would say...oh how i miss thee and your unique take on the spoken word) i think most of us are feeling positive vibes at this point in the year...especially when we were full of FEAR, LOATHING, DREAD, ANGER, CONFUSION in the offseason. even after the great staff that the Chiz was able to put together i think noone would've pegged Auburn as a 5-1 team at the mid-season point. with wins over 3 bowl teams from last year (La Tech, Ball State...okay i know it's not the same Ball State team from last year, and West Virginia) and a hard earned road win against another SEC team trying to rebuild their program, and they even made up for the worst offensive performance i have ever seen by crushing Mississippi State. so all in all things are great...other than the fact Arkansas is still scoring points on us.

so what do we know about our team right now?

1. SCORING POINTS IZ AWESOME!!!!

who ever would've imagined an Auburn team that would've ranked so highly nationally in so many different offensive categories? it's a miracle. it's fucking SCIENCE!!! pay Gustav whatever the hell he wants. the Tigers need to hang on to him as long as they can. (seriously i have nightmares about him leaving Auburn for Texas.)

2. we have a QB....finally.

despite Chris Todd playing like shit against the Hawgs last weekend, he's been a wonderful surprise for Auburn. the one armed zombie who chucked wobbly no zip having quails into the opposing secondaries from last year has been replaced by an accurate, aware in the pocket, sniper who still has only thrown 1 interception all year vs. 12 touchdowns and has only been sacked 5 times in 6 games...most of those coming against Arkansas. granted his play vs the Razorbacks left a little something to be desired...but his effort in leading Auburn on a 2nd half comeback win vs. West Virginia cancels that out for me. you'd have to rank him right now as either the 3rd or 4th best QB in the league behind Ryan Mallett and Tim Tebow...with Greg McElroy also in the discussion. who would've ever thought we'd be saying that?

3. Ben Tate rulz!

he would be a Heisman candidate if he played for Florida, Alabama, LSU, etc... dude is leading the SEC in rushing (6th nationally!) and is on track to go for 1,400+ yards. he's played himself from a 5th or 6th round sleeper into a possible 2nd round draft pick. i think it's safe to say we will all miss him next year.

4. Darvin Adams and Terrell Zachery can catch. awesome.

5. our defense is made of suck....but not TOTAL EPIC SUCK. gettin' gashed by Arkansas is gonna sting for a while. giving up buckets of yards vs. West Virginia was a red flag. letting Tennessee get back into the game was enough to make me vomit. but they've also been able to come up with big plays when they had to. Daren Bates has been a wonderful little surprise and Walter McFadden is a badass. our linebackers on the other hand are mostly just a suggestion...with the exception of Jonathan Bynes who i think is the most underrated defender on the team. also Eltoro Freeman = Tray Blackmon...just sayin'. the thing most surprising to me is how little we've heard from the unit that still has a lot of talent...aka the defensive line. they haven't been the playmakers and sack artists that we've seen in the past and Antonio Coleman is unfortunately starting to look like a guy who probably shoulda gone pro last year because there's no way his stock isn't falling like a stone every week. that being said, i'd rather have this unit than whatever the fuck they've got going on here in Athens.

a quick little trivia fact: the SEC's leader in touchdowns as of now is Jonathan Fucking Crompton thanks to the Georgia Bulldogs and their awesome defense.

5. Tuberville leaving was a good thing.

the year 2004...blah fucking blah. at this point i'm giving all that credit to Al Borges. Tuberville is the reason the talent has dropped off nearly every year since the Tigers went undefeated. recruiting has been a whole lotta swings and misses over the past 5 seasons and that's the main issue our defense is in the current trouble it finds itself in. i will always appreciate what CTT did for Auburn in restoring it's place on the national scene and all the big wins he gave us, but i'd been secretly (and not so secretly to certain people) wishing that he would take another job and leave Auburn for a Miami or Texas A&M (pretty just anyone of equal or hire stature not in the SEC). maybe i'll regret saying this, but i don't miss Tubby one single bit. i just really really hope he never ends up coaching another SEC school again. cuz revenge is a sonofabitch!

College Football Pick Em, Week 7

Wed Oct 14
1: Boise St @ Tulsa- Boise
Thursday Oct 15
2: Cincinnati @ South Florida- Cinci
Friday Oct. 16
3: Pittsburgh @ Rutgers- Pitt
Sat. Oct 17
4: Arkansas @ florida- UF
5:South Carolina @ Bama- BAMA
6:Oklahoma @ Texas- OK
7:Ohio State @ Purdue- OSU
8:Iowa @ Wisconsin- Wisc
9:Louisville @ connecticut- UCONN
10:Northwestern @ Michigan State- Mich St
11:wake forest @ Clemson- Clemson
12:UGA @ Vanderbilt- UGA
13:Mississippi State @ Middle Tennessee State University- Miss St
14:Army @ Temple- Army
15: UAB @ Ole Miss- Ole Miss
16:wyoming @ Air Force- Air Force
17:USC @ Notre Dame- USC
18:Minnesota @ Penn State- Penn St
19: Texas Tech @ Nebraska- Nebraska
20: california @ UCLA- CAL
21:NC State @ Boston College- BC
22: Colorado State @ TCU- TCU
23: Virginia @ Maryland- Maryland
24: Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech- Va Tech
25:Stanford @ Arizona- Stanford
26:Kansas @ Colorado- Kansas
27: Miami @ UCF- Da U
28: Navy @ SMU- Navy
29:Kentucky @ Auburn- Auburn
30: Washington @ Az. State- Washington
31: Missouri @ Oklahoma State- Ok St
Tiebreakers (Total Points)
A: Texas vs Oklahoma- 90
B: USC @ Notre Dame- 56
C: Virginia Tech @ Georgia Tech- 69
D: South Carolina @ Alabama- 42

Suicide Watch (2009), Week 5 OPERATION: kick ass, take names, get ranked

motherfuckin' Lane Kiffin can eat a bag of dicks. i never gave a shit about Tennessee and now i actively hate them.

okay, Auburn has an offensive...we've all got massive football boners at this teams ability to score points in bunches. we've got a lethal ground attack and a QB who is putting up great numbers. we even have wideouts who know how to catch a football. Tennessee got beat by UCLA and didn't even bother trying to do anything, other than not get blown out by the Gators. this should be a no brainer, right? wrong.

they've got quiet possibly the worst QB in the league....but they have an awesome defense. plus they NEED this win. so far this season the Vols look pretty much like the same bunch of losers that they did last year, where Auburn has shown immediate improvement on the field. the Vols need a big win in conference against one of the fellow SEC big boys to let everyone know that they are a team to worry about.

so far Chris Todd has been mostly mistake free...i have a feeling that Eric Berry might have something to say about that.

and honestly for Tennessee to have any chance then Berry and the defensive are going to have to shut down Auburn's high powered offense and create turnovers and short fields for their offense to work with. the less time Auburn is on the field the better.

i honestly believe Auburn SHOULD win this game about 24 to 17. i see the Vols defense being able to hold the Spread Eagle 2 in check a bit, i just can't see their Crompton lead offense being able to crack the 20 point mark. i almost feel Auburn would have to GIVE the Vols this game through turnovers and bad special teams play to lose.

chance for tragedy: 7, no matter how shitty Tennessee's offense looks they are still an SEC power and they are playing at home. this is Auburn's first roadtrip of the year going up against one of the best defenses in the country. that's always frightening.

method of death: you weren't ready to die...it was that fucking sniper who got you and ended those dreams.

I Call Bullshit On Your AP Poll

Washington is in the AP top 25! Seriously? And Nebraska is still in the top 25. And yet Auburn remains unranked by the lazy sportwriters of the nation who only pay attention the teams who have highlights on Sportscenter. What the fuck ever. I blame the yankees. Also USC doesn't take nearly a big enough dive for a bullshit loss to a bullshit team that probably won't even go to a bowl game. Hopefully the coaches poll has more sanity.

Now for my own poll...

A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS TOP 25

1. Florida
2. Alabama
3. Texas
4. California
5. LSU
6. Miami
7. Ole Miss
8. Penn State
9. Boise State
10. Cincinatti
11. Oklahoma
12. Virginia Tech
13. TCU
14. USC
15. Ohio State
16. Houston
17. Oklahoma State
18. Georgia
19. Auburn
20. Florida State
21. BYU
22. Michigan
23. North Carolina
24. Kansas
25. Mizzou

So long to Georgia Tech, Arkansas, Utah, & Oregon State

Hello to Michigan and Auburn. Welcome back Florida State and North Carolina.

TV PARTY: Week 2

THURSDAY NIGHT ALWAYS EQUALS DOOM FOR GOOD TEAMS

Clemson @ Georgia Tech on ESPN tonight 7:30PM

the Jackets lethal running game vs a Clemson team that just wants to forget about last year and move forward. tonight's game gives you a matchup of 2 of the best runningbacks in the country in CJ Spiller of Clemson and Jonathan Dwyer of GA Tech. logic and history tells you that this is the kind of game that Tech ALWAYS FUCKING LOSES, but then again it's also the kind of game Clemson always loses. ranked teams never really do well on these Thursday night contests but i think those nerds from Tech are gonna run all over the Tigers of Clemson in a blowout win.

IT'S TOO EARLY FOR FOOTBALL ON SATURDAY MORNING WHEN THE DAVE'S AREN'T INVOLVED

various crappy games on various channels

as with last weekend, i have no idea what channel the early SEC game is on or who it's between. i think the Gators are playing Troy so i'll assume that's what Peach Tree TV is showing. but who knows. Fresno State travels to Wisconsin on ESPN at noon, if you've got ESPNU then there's an interesting matchup between UConn and UNC. what? it's not basketball? okay, who cares then. if you've got ESPN 360 then you can enjoy a couple of nerds in a slapfight as Wake Forest and Stanford go at it.

THE HYPE WILL BE UNBEARABLE GAME OF THE WEEK

Notre Dame @ Michigan on ABC, 3:30 pm

a couple of teams gettin' way too much credit for blowing out teams that they SHOULD have blown out play each other in a game that i'll only watch because i kinda wanna see if Michigan can go ahead and ruin the Irish's year. probably not, but still they've both got nice uniforms and it's pleasing to the eyes. kinda like this...


WE'RE BACK IF WE WIN THIS GAME

UCLA @ Tennessee on ESPN, 4pm

The Vols wanna get revenge against the Bruins and likely they will which is gonna get the whole Tennessee is back ball rolling...especially if it's a blowout. you know it and i know it.

DIE! JOE COX DIE! Game of The Week

South Carolina @ UGA on ESPN2, 7pm

this might be the last time the Ol' Ball Coach ever gets to beat the Dawgs and ruin their season. every Georgia fan i know is calling for poor Joe Cox head...if Georgia drops this game to the Cox then the fans might storm the field and tear him apart like that scene from the original DAWN OF THE DEAD.

BRING YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE SLAUGHTER GAME OF THE WEEK

USC @ Ohio State on ABC, 8pm

this time Ohio State is really gonna challenge the Trojans. they might even beat them....it's totally gonna happen, i swear.

HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

USC is gonna run all over the Buckeyes. this shit will be over by halftime...again. WIN FOREVER doesn't lose these kinda games and i don't see it happening this time.

i hate the new ESPN and SEC marriage, already

no love from ESPN for Auburn, AGAIN. the game Miss State and Auburn game is only available on Gameplan or ESPN360 which is something i don't have. i may have to search for a sportsbar with this one. the worse thing about your team being down is that they become much harder to watch every week on TV. also i would like to point out that this new deal that the SEC signed with ESPN has resulted in there being LESS SEC matchups on regular TV two weeks in a row. to which is say BULLSHIT!!!

Terror Is Raining From The Sky!!!

hey it's been just one week but us knee-jerk types are already guessing which headcoach will be the 1st one to be fired this season. after last year's chopping block (which included Auburn's own coach) we can pretty much rule out anybody in the SEC other than some assistants. the Ole Ball Coach might call it quits, but there's no way he'd get fired.

MY TOP 10 COACHES MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED.

1. Al Ghroh, Virginia
2. Dan Hawkins, Colorado
3. Mike Sherman, Texas A&M
4. Paul Wulff, Washington State
5. Charlie Weis, Notre Dame
6. Ron Zook, Illinois
7. Steve Kragthorpe, Louisville
8. George O'Leary, Central Florida
9. Mike Price, UTEP
10. Randy Shannon, Miami (although that win vs. FSU might have saved his job.)

Everyone Likes a Darkhorse

okay, so i already wasted my time with a useless pre-season poll. amd now i unleash my even more useless top Darkhorses/Sleepers in the BCS conferences.

1. Arkansas- Arkansas is EVERYONE's sleeper pick this season, so maybe believing the hype isn't the safest bet, but The Hawgs have 8 very winnable games and also they could easily upset a team like LSU or Ole Miss on the road. i predict 9-3 and a 2nd or 3rd place finish in the SEC West and a trip to a New Year's bowl. then they'll be the hyped Top 10 team to fall on their face in 2010.

2. North Carolina State- granted everyone in the ACC probably could qualify as a Darkhorse/Sleeper but i think NC State could be this year's GA Tech. their two toughest home games are North Carolina at the end of the year and the always schizophrenic Clemson. their road slate seems rough on paper with Wake, Va Tech, FSU, & Boston College. NC State also has the league's top QB.

3. Stanford- last year Stanford was 5-7. this year they return almost their entire starting offense and most of their defense. they have a tough schedule for sure but i see 6 or 7 wins including an upset or two. then Jim Harbaugh is gonna start getting talked about as the next coach at Michigan when the Rich Rod flame out finishes in one more year.

4. Texas Tech- noone is talking about The Red Raiders...and i couldn't really tell you why. i mean YES they did lose their record breaking QB and star Wide receiver, but it's never been about the players at Texas Tech. it's the system. they always win 8 or 9 games. they always score a ton of points. they always go to a bowl. they'll probably end up ranked in the top 25. this is why i was excited about the prospects of the Good Captain Leach coming to the Plains....oh well.

5. Kansas- they've got a veteran QB in Todd Reesing and a descent running game. and should be able to build momentum with wins in the first 5 games of the season. granted their schedule is a son-of-a-bitch (Texas & Oklahoma, & Texas Tech from the South...that's just not fair) but they could easily win all the rest of the games on their schedule and win the North division.

6. Illinois- sure their schedule is tough-ish with non-conference games that include Missouri, Cincinnati, & Fresno State (seriously take some pointers from Penn State...load up on cupcakes) but they've got the most talent and speed in Big 10 outside of Ohio State. look for a 3rd place finish and 8 or 9 wins.

7. Auburn- go ahead, call me a homer...but nobody thinks Auburn is gonna do shit this season. 6-6 seems to be the consensus among experts AND despite being a pretty negative blogger i still have fucking faith in my Auburn Tigers. 8-4 and a trip back to the Peach/Chik-Fil-A/Whatever the Fuck Bowl.

Hey, Who Likes Stupid Arguments?

ESPN created some new poll for college football fans to vote for a BRAND NEW Division 1 A that includes only the top 40 programs in the country for some mythical SUPER LEAGUE. and though i agree that D1 could stand to trim a conference or two (The MAC and Sun Belt, most of the teams in Conference USA, some of the MAC & Mountain West), getting it down to a list of just 40 schools is pretty silly...mostly because you'd have to eliminate a number of state schools who would all be able to produce far better football programs without smaller schools sucking away talent (imagine how much better Texas A&M would be if Houston, UTEP, SMU, & Baylor weren't around). anyways only the top 8 SEC Schools made the cut (Alabama, LSU, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Arkansas, Ole Miss, and Auburn).

If there was to be a new Super Division then I think 60 teams would be a better number as you'd be able to include all the traditional powers, the major state schools from all those states who have DI programs, and then include a number of the successful smaller programs like Boise State, BYU, and Utah.

So here would be my Super 60:

The South

Alabama
Auburn
Arkansas
LSU
Ole Miss
Florida
UGA
Tennessee
South Carolina
Kentucky
Florida State
Miami
North Carolina
Georgia Tech
Clemson
North Carolina State
Virginia Tech
Virginia
Maryland
Louisville

Midwest/North

Ohio State
Michigan
Notre Dame
Penn State
Michigan State
Iowa
Wisconsin
Illinois
Minnesota
Boston College
Pittsburgh
West Virginia
UConn
Missouri
Nebraska
Kansas
Kansas State
Cincinnati
Rutgers
Purdue

The West

USC
California
Oregon
Washington
Oregon State
UCLA
Stanford
Arizona
Arizona State
Texas
Oklahoma
Texas A&M
Texas Tech
Colorado
Oklahoma State
TCU
Utah
BYU
Boise State
Hawaii

so yeah, 60 teams broken up into either 3 divisions of 20 or 6 divisions of 10 with 8 playoff spots up for grabs.

Who Wants To Bet Me that Ole' Miss Is Going 7-5?

i've been meaning to post about this all week but i was busy.

so Cari dropped this knowledge to me via email that she got a press release informing her that the Ole' Miss Rebels would be taking part in a reality TV show.

the main quote:

USSE has been contracted by TruTV to develop this show about the personalities and daily occurrences of the Ole Miss Football team. Focus will be on the trials and tribulations of current and incoming student athletes as they try to make the starting team. Returning upper classmen must fend off the challenge of the "new kids on the block."

The show will also revolve around the personalities of Head Coach Houston Nutt and his assistants. The audience will get a glimpse of the on-field and behind the scenes action, getting up front and personal with the coaches and players. Shooting will take place during the summer training camp period.

can you say distraction?

i mean i know Ole Miss is everybody's hip pick to be a top 10 team and maybe win the SEC West but does anyone remember that they are OLE FUCKING MISS...a team that hasn't won an SEC title since 1963 and is the ONLY team in the West that's never even been to an SEC championship game (yeah even Mississippi State was able to pull that off once). they are also a team that is coached by Houston Nutt...who does fine job as a darkhorse that kinda comes out of nowhere but isn't really big on living up to expectations. if you are betting on the Rebels winning the West this year then i will gladly take your money from you. i think they'll win 8 games...MAX and be lucky if they don't end up in 4th place behind LSU, Bama, and Arkansas.

2009 SEC Predictions

so i've inspected all the preseason college football mags and ingested their often highly inaccurate predictions and now i feel like it's my turn to throw out some bullshit that won't be right and will change my mind about a week before the season starts anyways.


based on all the mags Florida is the out and out favorite not only to win the league but also to win the national title...and why wouldn't they be? they've got almost there entire team returning, the best QB in the SEC...and probably the nation, an offense that can't be stopped, and a defense full of 4 and 5 star depth, and a pretty cushy schedule to boot. if Florida can't go undefeated this season then it's never gonna happen for the Gators.


Ole Miss is the trendy pick to win the West and be a top 10 team based on the way they dismantled Texas Tech and knocked off LSU at the end of last year. Ole Miss was a sleeper team for me last season who i thought would probably win 8 games...they exceeded those expectations. this year anything less than 10 wins will be a disappointment for the Rebels. people are looking for a top 10 finish, a New Years Bowl, and maybe even an outside shot at a National title. they've got a couple of darkhorse Heisman candidates in QB Jevan Sneed and WR/Returner/Wild Rebel QB Dexter McCluster. this is it, this is there year....which means they're probably gonna struggle to win 8 games and end up in the Music City Bowl. i mean this is Ole Miss we are talking about, they couldn't win an SEC title with Eli Manning...plus Houston Nutt, despite being a good coach, is never one who delivers on expectations.


Alabama and LSU seem like Florida's to REAL contenders for the SEC. LSU had a bit of a nightmare season last year, for them but the pick-six machine Jarrett Lee is no longer behind center and instead the athletic Jordan Jefferson will be leading the Tigers this season...assuming he can hold off the 5 star freshman Russell Sheppard. LSU has the best runningback in the league in Charles Scott and a wealth of speedsters at receiver and runningback. last year their defense was worthless, but with all the talent they've recruited and with a new defensive coordinator it seems unlikely that trend will continue. still Les Miles is a bit of a retard, so i could see LSU fucking up and losing to some teams that they've got no business losing to and missing that trip to Atlanta.

Alabama has a young and talented defense, a number of quality runningbacks, and one of the two best wide receivers in the SEC in Julio Jones. the Tide do have to replace a number of offensive linemen and will have a brandnew QB...but it's not like Nick Saban asks his QBs to do very much anyways. i assume this years Bama will just run the ball even more than last year's team and try to shutdown everyone they play with good defense....VERY boring, yet effective. it's like Big 10 football but with Southern accents!


Georgia is getting the also-ran treatment from most everyone...which is to be expected when you lose the talent they did. still The Dawgs have probably one of the 2 best offensive lines in the SEC, some talent at tailback, a superstar wide receiver, and a senior QB with some experience. this looks a lot like that 2005 Georgia team that came out of nowhere to win the SEC. now Georgia's schedule is fucking brutal with a murderous 3 game start that could easily have UGA at 1-2 or even 0-3, and then they've got trips to LSU, Jacksonville, and don't forget those rivalry games against Auburn (who will be looking to end UGA's 3 game winning streak) and Georgia Tech (who'll be looking to get a streak going of their own). this Georgia team could end up being 11-2 or 7-5...its anybody's guess.


the most obvious Darkhorse this season has gotta be Arkansas. after looking like a trainwreck at the beginning of the year the Hawgs suddenly turned into a competent team thanks to runningback Michael Smith. Arkansas had upsets over Auburn and LSU and just missed out on a bowl game. now with former Michigan QB Ryan Mallett as the QB, coach Bobby "Pussyface" Petrino has a talented signal caller to lead his very productive offense. i see Arkansas knocking off UGA and then upsetting one of the top 3 teams in the West of Ole Miss, Alabama, or LSU and finishing up with an 8-4 or 9-3 record and a trip to the Peach or Cotton Bowl and a 3rd place finish in the West and a top 25 ranking.

South Carolina, Vanderbilt (can you imagine Vandy making 2 straight bowls?!), Tennessee, and Auburn all should be able to put together enough wins to make it to Bowl games...but i don't see any of them realistically challenging of the SEC. Kentucky will probably scare a few teams but i think their recent bowl streak comes to an end and if Mississippi State wins more than 1 game this year in the league then i will be shocked.

Standing Predictions

EAST

Florida
Georgia
South Carolina
Tennessee
Vanderbilt
Kentucky

WEST

LSU
Alabama
Arkansas
Ole Miss
Auburn
Mississippi State

Champ: Florida

DO NOT TAKE THIS SHIT TO THE BANK AS I NEVER KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I AM TALKING ABOUT!

THE SEC QB Situation...or Enter The World Of Suck

my scientific rankings of the QB situations in the SEC going into the 2009 Season.

1. Florida

obviously they've got Tebow so that means they are about 100,000 miles ahead of the next team.

2. Ole Miss

Jevan Snead is a solid college QB with some possible NFL 1st round ability. that about covers the sure things in the SEC this year.

3. Arkansas

Ryan Mallett was a 5 star QB who played a bit in Michigan's pro style offense his freshman season before deciding to get the hell out of town when RichRod and the Spread hit town. under Bobby Petrino Mallett could be scary. he's got the size and the arm strength to be a future 1st round pick. this is his first season in the SEC but his overall potential makes him worthy of the 3rd spot.

4. LSU

Jordan Jefferson looked pretty good at the end of the season. he's a good athlete and he's got some experience but Russel Sheppard is a five star talent that could totally steal his job away if Jefferson struggles this year. Jarrett Lee also still exists...which isn't really a good thing, unless you enjoy interceptions returned for touchdowns.

5. South Carolina

Stephen Garcia has thus far been a bit of a disappointment for the 'Cocks both on and off the field. he's the only 4 star talent the Ole' Ball Coach has had in Columbia and this is his 3rd year in the system...one would have to think Garcia well make some major improvements this season, or maybe he'll get arrested 2 weeks before the season starts and get kicked off the team. on a side note, i really wish he'd grow the locks back.

6. Georgia

UGA's QB situation is kinda similar to Stafford's freshman season. Joe Cox is a senior who has some playing experience (it was he that lead the comeback win over Colorado as a freshman...not Matt Stafford) plus the Dawgs have an athletic backup in Logan Gray and a couple of 4 star freshmen backing him up. i have a feeling that if Georgia struggles early we might see as many as 3 different starters for the Bulldogs. during the Richt era UGA has always had a solid enough starter, it's hard to imagine one of the 4 QBs won't emerge as pretty good college QB.

7. Kentucky

Mike Hartline and Randall Cobb are both Sophomores and they both played last season. Hartline's the passer and Cobb is the athlete. neither guy blew anyone's doors off, but Cobb gives the Wildcats the best chance to win.

8. Auburn

Kodi Burns was the definition of inconsistent...actually he was more the definition of useless for most of the season with a few flashes of brilliance. this is most likely his last chance. Neil Caudle has never started a game and doesn't have much playing experience. Chris Todd only has 1 arm...and it's not the one he throws with. and then everyone else is a freshman. who fucking knows what is gonna happen, hopefully the running game can cover their asses enough that none of this will matter.

9. Alabama

Greg McElroy has very little playing experience and a mostly new offensive line in front of him...not to mention he's shackled with that NUMBER 12 JERSEY. luckily Bama has a solid running game and some guy named Julio Jones for McElroy to throw to...that should be good enough to cover for him.

10. Mississippi State

Tyson Lee is a senior who started last season for the Bulldogs, but he's not athletic enough for Dan Mullen to run his offense properly and Mississippi State lacks any play makers to help him out.

11. Vanderbilt

no team won more games in spite of their QBs than Vandy. Mackenzi Adams looked like Jay Cutler vs. Auburn but was pretty shitty against the rest of the league. they've got some other dude too who started playing at the end of the season but i totally forgot his name...and there's probably some freshman who'll show up out of nowhere and take a few random snaps for no apparent reason. jesus, Vandy would be better off just playing defense the whole game.

12. Tennessee

Jonathan Crompton was probably the worst QB in the league last year and he still has his starting job and the Vols failed to recruit a freshman they could develop this season and insert if the offense is a total disaster again this year. Kiffin better learn to work miracles if he thinks Crompton is his guy.

Peace Out Hawks

1st off a big hand to the 2008/2009 Atlanta Hawks for completely surprising me and becoming a totally respectable NBA team. They improved by 10 games, nabbed the 4th spot in the East, and then did something no Atlanta team has done in a while, win a playoff series and advance to the 2nd round. So Yay! Way to go Hawks.

But now for the reality check: Atlanta is pretty much at the peak for this current roster...and they're not guaranteed to keep their spot next season. The Bulls are coming up. The Heat will be better as Beasley gets better. The Celtics are old, but they will still be better than the Hawks next season. Obviously Orlando and Cleveland are going to be better. And then there's no doubt in my mind the Sixers could jump the Hawks as well as some young improving team like the Bobcats. Last season was crucial for the future of this franchise...but this one might make or break them.


First things first, the Hawks need to fire Mike Woodson. This team improved in spite of him, not because. Atlanta has no offense, they don't play solid defense on a consistent basis, Woodson doesn't make adjustments, and his players don't like him. Thanks for the memories but it's time for you to pack your bags and go. Atlanta is in the Eastern conference, they need a defensive minded headcoach. That's what the Cavs and Celtics are. The Magic play solid enough defense because of Dwight Howard. The Pistons were able to dominate in the East for years because of their D. If Atlanta ever wants to make it to the promised land they've got to become a team that shuts people down. Mike Woodson ain't the guy for that.


Secondly Atlanta needs to look at Josh Smith and realize that he's a talented young player with some upside who can be a fan favorite and a star and the best asset they've got and then trade his ass away for someone who can either shoot the lights out or rebound and play defense. I'd love for the Hawks to send him to Denver in exchange for Birdman and some cap space. Or for a guy who can come off the bench and light it up. J Smooth just isn't the player the Hawks need him to be. He's immature and selfish and not a leader and he whines too much and shoots to many fucking 3s and doesn't understand how to play power forward. And his teammates don't really like him. I really wish Josh Childress had stayed last season and Smith had left town. The Hawks need to get rid of him now while he's still got a lot of value on the market.


Third thing is that Atlanta needs a real point guard. Bibby was solid this year and I like the guy, but he's old and he's still a shoot first PG...and that's not what this team needs. We need a leader, a passer, and a lockdown defender at the point. I don't care who you get, if it's through the draft or free agency, but this has been the team's biggest need for years.


And finally the Hawks need to add another player who can help Joe Johnson out...or better yet a guy who can lead this team and Joe Johnson can help him out. It became painfully obvious in these playoffs that Joe just isn't a superstar who can lead his team far. He's a great #2 but he's just not a #1 franchise guy. Either Atlanta needs to add another solid #2 player that turns the Hawks into a two man team or they just need to go for broke and pay the best superstar available to come to town and make him the franchise. Either way Joe can.'t do it alone. Johnson, Williams, Horford, and Zaza are all nice pieces to build around but the Hawks are gonna need a major facelift if they want to make it to the next level.

don't take it personal guys. it's just strictly business.


Okay, enough Hawks talk for months. Seriously I've written more about this team over the last month than I have the previous 3 years. Back to football...