In The End, Auburn Ran Out Of Miracles

WELL FUCK! after maybe the most wonderful and exciting seasons I have ever experienced as an Auburn fan it sure sucks to get kicked in the balls like that.

and so the 2013 season ended the most heartbreaking way that it could possibly end. Auburn, a huge underdog, holding onto the slimmest of leads was unable to make 1 final stop when it was needed. the defense played their fucking ass off all night long, and i can't even begin to be angry with that effort, but that final drive was torture. and then Chris fucking Davis who made the greatest play in Auburn history also made the worst play of the season...although something tells me that Kick Bama Kick might hold up a little bit longer than that pass interference call.

Auburn's strength all year has been that blitzkrieg of a rushing attack but the fucking play calling with the big lead was just a little too fucking cute, tonight. and all those goddamned points left out on the field are the kind of thing that would be driving me completely fucking insane if i didn't stop and remember that this collection of players went 3 and fucking 9 last year and got absolutely destroyed by UGA and Alabama to close out the season. this same team with a cornerback who pretends to play QB and can not pass worth a shit beat the Tide and Dawgs in the 2 greatest goddamned wins of my lifetime. 2 wins that i would not trade for any victory ever, including this BCS title game tonight.

in the end these Tigers just ran out of miracles. i will always love this 2013 Auburn Tiger team, maybe even more than i love the 1989 Tigers that beat Alabama for the 1st time at Auburn, or the 2004 Tigers who in retrospect woulda kicked the shit outta USC if given the chance, or the 2010 Tigers and the mythical being known as Cam Newton, or the 1987 team that demolished Texas in my 1st ever game at Jordan-Hare, or those Bo Jackson teams that i just barely remember watching as a little boy. i do know that this squad has overtaken the 1991 Atlanta Braves team as the most wonderful surprise in my life of watching sports. thank you Nick Marshall, Tre Mason, Chris Davis, Greg Robinson, Dee Ford, and all the other players who gave me this wonderful gift of a season. it's gonna be a long long time before there will be a team that feels this special ever again.

on a personal note, i have missed this blog. i haven't had the time or the energy to write my silly profanity fueled, grammatically challenged nonsense the last couple of years, but a heartbreaking loss like this might be just the kinda thing to kick my ass back in gear.

just one win short. War Damn Eagle forever and ever.

Welcome Back, Gus!

Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me, bro.

Auburn has their man, and it appears to be our old offensive coordinator genius...aka Gus Malzahn.

Nothing but positive vibes from me on this hire. When Kirby Smart became the hot name yesterday I was filled with dread but when news hit the twitterverse that Auburn had chosen to bring back Malzahn I felt instant excitement. Sure I have my worries about the Tigers ability to stop anyone on defense with Gus in full control of the program...but fuck it dude! if Auburn drop 40 points a game then we can give up 35 for all I care. The Urban Meyer Florida teams, 2010 Auburn ,and 2012 Texas A&M showed us that having an uptempo offense can win and win big in the SEC. There's just no reason not to think that without a defensive minded head coach meddling with his offense, that Malzahn can turn Auburn into Oregon of the South. Will he be able to recruit talent on defense? not sure, but the real question will be can he find a QB who can actually run his scheme...because that's what really matters if the Tigers are gonna compete in the SEC again. All these questions are for much later. Right now I'm just gonna be happy.

Welcome back, Gus! War Damn Eagle!

Ok Auburn, Just hire that fucking asshole and get this shit over with.

When I heard that Kentucky had hired Mark Stoops as their headcoach the first thing i said was "Auburn is gonna hire Petrino."

Originally this thought made me kind of sick to my stomach...and not because I'm some strongly moral dickhead who gives a shit about powerful men cheating on their wives... there are bigger problems in the world.  No, I was more sick because my Falcons fandom still thinks of Bobby Petrino as the fuckface who snuck out of town in the middle of the night with a Dear John note in the players' lockers. But that cowardly move actually ended up working out pretty well for the Dirty Birds and Atlanta has never been better as an NFL franchise. So all these years later I don't really give a shit about what he did in Atlanta, or the Jetgate nonsense, or the fact Petrino just seems like a completely unlikeable jerk. Not even a little bit. All I give a shit about Auburn's next headcoach is that they know what the fuck they are doing and can beat UGA and Bama without the benefit of superhuman QBs. Bobby Petrino IS a scumbag...but he is also THE BEST COACH available. And isn't finding the best coach what really matters. Auburn is a school, i understand that...but Auburn Football is a business and the smart business decision is to just hire the asshole who knows how to win. Of course if you read the tweets and the messageboard and blog rants there is a pretty strong section of Auburn fans who say they will not support or watch the Tigers if Petrino is the coach. So 3-9 didn't kill your love but Petrino will? I guess i can only say enjoy the yardwork on Saturdays then.

I'm sure this coaching search to go on for a week or two, but when it is all said and done i fully expect that the man who will be in charge at Auburn next season is going to be Bobby Petrino. You can scream at the heavens about the Auburn Creed and values and others such subjections of mock outrage all you want on twitter and messageboards but deep down you are gonna be happy because you know that Auburn will finally have a coach who can compete with the Sabans and Miles of the SEC.

that being said...if we hire James Franklin or Gus Malzahn i am gonna be hella stoked too, dudes. i just hope i don't have to post something like this again.

least shocking thing ever...Gene Chizik just got fired.

It was over for Gene the second Cam Newton declared for the draft. it seems completely insane to think that just 2 seasons after winning the title that Auburn would be looking for a new head coach but after witnessing the state of the program during huge blowouts against Texas A&M, Georgia, and Alabama there really was no other choice. Another year under Chizik would be digging Auburn deeper into a hole that they might not ever get out of.

so he is gone. it is all over. will the NCAA come in and bury the Tigers with a mountain of sanctions? the screaming maniacs of the college football message boards and comment sections sure think/hope so.

and now the coaching search begins. James Franklin, Gus Malzahn, Jimbo Fisher, Bobby Petrino, Gary Patterson, Charlie Strong....those are some of the names we are gonna hear as this search goes on. my money is on Franklin. he just won 8 games at Vanderbilt. think about that. wrap your fucking mind around Vandy having a winning record in the SEC. that seems like the kind of miracle worker this young Tigers team needs. Malzahn is going to be on a lot of fans wish list. with Gus as the headman in charge and without a clueless defensive minded coach looking over his shoulder the Tigers might be able to morph back into the Oregon of the South like they were in 2010. the defense is obviously gonna suffer but it isn't like Auburn has been stopping anyone the past 4 years. Fisher and Petrino are the two biggest names and each offers something to make the Tigers excited. Petrino could give Auburn an instant turn around and have the Tigers competing for the SEC title in 2 seasons....but he's also a scumbag asshole that everyone fucking hates. Fisher is a great recruiter who could get top 5 or 10 classes in every year...but recruiting rankings has never been the problem under Chizik. it's what happens to those 4 and 5 stars when they make it to the Plains. Fisher has always been a bit iffy as the man in charge as FSU has underachieved every season he has been there as a coordinator and headcoach. Patterson and Strong are both great defensive coaches that do absolutely nothing for me in realms of excitement and optimism. knowing Auburn it's going to be NONE of those names. and so it goes.

Auburn has a search committee made up of Bo Jackson, Pat Sullivan, and Mac Crawford who will be helping to find the next man to coach the Auburn Tigers. hopefully Bo Knows coaching searches.

so long Gene Chizik. thanks for the BCS title. thanks for Cam Newton. no thanks for all the rest of the tire fire you left behind. hopefully Jay Jacobs will be joining you in the unemployment line soon enough. one can dream.

on a positive note....let's all watch this once more and really say thank you to Gene Chizik. say whatever you want about him being a terrible coach, but he gave us this and we will always be thankful. War Eagle Forever.

It's Over. Thanks For Nothing.

49-0. the 2nd biggest blow out in the history of the Iron Bowl. well that went about the way i thought it would. no matter the final score, Alabama could have put up 100 points today if they had wanted to. and so now after several grueling months this worthless miserable season is finally mercifully over. Auburn set several shameful records this year and no doubt 2012 will long be remembered as the worst Auburn team of our lifetime. there's just no way they can get any worse. they could never possibly play with less heart and i hope to god they could never be coached by more clueless people.

that Cam Newton was able to lead a team coached by these fools to a BCS title basically just solidifies his status as the greatest single season player in the history of NCAA football.

so what now? likely Gene Chizik will be fired some time in the next week or so. that is a given. but what will Auburn do after that? is a team that fires it's coach 2 years after winning a BCS title even able to lure an elite coach to take the job? and with so many other jobs open in the SEC where does Auburn really fall in line? i really don't know anymore. i never thought i would live so long to see Auburn as the laughing stock of the SEC. whatever, i have nothing to say that isn't being said by thousands of other Tigers fans everywhere. change is coming, i just hope this time it's change we can count on.

fuck off and die, 2012! War Eagle, forver.

Win or GTFO

that was a LOOOOOOOONG time ago, bro.

so not really much to say about the Tigers and Ole' Miss this weekend. Auburn is a road underdog, as they should be. i doubt very many people have any faith Auburn can win. it would take a completely dominate defensive performance and some good luck on special teams to even give the Tigers a chance. but let's be totally real. Auburn is gonna lose. hell they might get blown out. by Ole' Miss. that is a very fucking real possibility. and assuming that happens, then what? rumors are all over the internet that the players have given up on the season (not that i needed internet rumors...i have been watching the games). claims are being made that the players don't believe in Chizik and are telling recruits not to come to Auburn. how much of that is true? ehhh, who knows? who cares? also can we fire Chizik's wife?

a question for the Auburn faithful: At this point with the season completely lost and just getting to a mediocre bowl game is the best this team can do, are you rooting for Auburn to keep losing and hoping it forces Jay Jacobs' hand and he fires Chizik? can you really root for Auburn to lose?

fuck it. just bury me up to my neck and cut off my ears and cover me in ants. it would be less painful than watching Auburn play football right now.

The Gene Chizik Lose Explosion!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!

you know what they always say, "terrible defense beats terrible offense everyday".

well that turned out basically the way you should have imagined it would turn out. after playing their hearts out vs. LSU and then going on a bye week and getting a team that looked like it had given up on it's season what would you have expected from Auburn? a victory? well that is because you are a fucking fool. why else did you choose to root for Auburn? probably the same reason as me. your father forced this curse upon you. whatever fuck it. the season is over. Auburn isn't going to win more than 4 games. UGA and Bama and probably Texas A&M are gonna crush the Tigers by about 40 points each.  and i am just too emotionally drained to care anymore. Auburn is a joke. they are in the Kentucky and Vanderbilt category of SEC teams. easy wins for the top tier teams to pile up their stats against. our recruits are overrated. our play calling is awful. our coaches are inept. our team is shit. i just don't know what you can say after seeing something like today that is remotely positive. 

at certain points i wondered to myself if Auburn is actually better off under Gene Chizik than they were in the later Tuberville seasons? none of those Tubby teams looked close to this clueless. sure i can't complain about 2010. but let's all just be honest and give that credit to our former offensive coordinator and our super human QB. Chizik was just along for the ride. so the countdown to the Chiz gettin' fired starts today. is he gonna hang on to his job this season? yeah...unless they do something insane like lose to New Mexico State or Alabama A&M. but you know that certain boosters are fueling up their private jets and looking longingly towards Bobby Petrino, Dana Holgorsen, and Gus Malzhan. but no, the Chiz has his job security....for one more year. but anything less than a 9 win season next year should end with a pink slip. i don't care what his fucking buy out is. he is paid to win football games...not whatever the hell he's doing this year. 

Auburn won't be down forever, but it feels like we have fallen down and dark deep hole and gotten trapped under a giant boulder and we might need to gnaw some of our limbs off to escape. 

War Eagle, you fuckers. i am getting drunk.

Win Or Die Week

so we can all agree Auburn's season has thus far been a complete disaster. a blow out loss to Mississippi State, a heartbreaker vs LSU, another loss to Clemson that Auburn could very well have won, and barely avoiding an upset by ULM for the only win of the year. not exactly the kind of performance that have anyone in Orange and Blue looking forward to those clashes at the end of the year with UGA or Bama. luckily for Auburn there is another SEC team whose season is an even bigger clusterfuck and as a bonus that team happens to be Arkansas who will be rolling into Auburn this weekend on a 4 game losing streak. 2 of those losses being spectacular blow outs from Alabama and Texas A&M. if Auburn has any hopes of salvaging there season and sneaking into a lower tier bowl game they need to absolutely demolish the Razorbacks this weekend. i am mean i am not so greedy that i wouldn't take a 1 point win vs. Arkansas...but Auburn needs to do more than win...they need an old fashioned "Get Right" game. something like a 35-14 ass whipping that includes multiple sacks and turnovers and the Auburn offense looking somewhat competent for once. i know it is a lot to expect and ask for but i just can not stomach another completely inept offensive performance. i had already promised myself to quit watching the 2012 Tigers, but like all things bad for me, i could not break the habit.

so what are Auburn's prospects of actually beating Arkansas? well the boys in the desert have Auburn as a 9 and half point favorite...which makes them heavy favorites in my eyes...at least as heavy a favorite as a shitty looking 1-3 team that barely beat a school from the Sun Belt can be. offensively Arkansas has the advantage of actually having a QB in Tyler Wilson. he played poorly against A&M and turned the ball over...hopefully Auburn's suddenly lively defense can be able to force some more of those turnovers to make up for the fact that Auburn's O currently ranks 117th in the country in points scored and total yards. having ALL-SEC level talent at kicker and punter gives the Tigers an advantage if Auburn's defense can shut Arkansas down. also Auburn's running game should be able to gain yards considering the Razorbacks gave up 218 yards on the ground to Texas A&M. the Hogs are also giving up over 40 points a game. so Auburn can't score and Arkansas can't stop anyone...so naturally we can split the difference and figure the Tigers might manage somewhere around 28...maybe...hopefully. i mean if Auburn can't move to ball this week then they might as well start running the single wing.

the biggest worry for me is that Tyler Wilson is able to get some time from his awful offensive line and pick Auburn's less than elite secondary apart all day long. i think that is pretty much the only chance Arkansas has of pulling out a win on Saturday. but fuck that...Auburn is gonna win. they HAVE to.

prediction: Auburn 32 Arkansas 24

A Lifetime Of Defeats Returns Not To Praise The Auburn Tigers, But To Bury Them

Hello old friends, foes, loyal readers, and people who accidentally stumbled on to this long vacant piece of blogspot real estate. i have decided to bring this useless site back because whining on twitter just isn't the same. it takes a lot more than 140 characters for me to say Auburn Sucks And They Are Ruining My Fucking Life.

 Following Auburn's 2010 BCS title season I felt like I had finally made peace with my long suffering Auburn Tigers fandom. Going into 2011 I knew it was going to be a tough season and there just wasn't anyway I had much to say or complain about while still basking in the afterglow of Cam Newton, Nick Fairley, and those 2010 Tigers. But it's been a long time since then in the world of college football and my rage and despair have returned to me with a vengeance.

 2 weeks into the Auburn Tigers 2012 campaign and there aren't words to describe how I feel about this team....well maybe a few words... Unbelievably Shitty, Fucking Awful, Useless Motherfuckers, Worst Auburn Team Of My Motherfucking Lifetime. Those are some that come to mind. Sitting through 2 weeks of truly embarrassing performances by this version of Auburn is really more than my 34 year old heart can take. This bullshit ages me. How my father hasn't died rooting for this fucking team is beyond me. Even when they win a title there's no real fun to be had. Fuck it. What else am I gonna do with my life...watch soccer? Fuck that commie shit.

Anyways I've completely lost the point....oh yeah this year Auburn is going to suck in a way that I don't think I would've let myself imagine they could suck. I mean is Auburn on double secret probation? Cuz they seem like a team on probation. They sure as shit don't look like a team that's had 3 top 10 recruiting classes in a row. I understand that they are young...but I didn't realize they were also inept. I hope Gene Chizik sends Cam Newton a gift every single weekend to thank him for the job security that the Chiz currently enjoys...because without that handsome magical mountain of a QB's magical season Gene Chizik's seat would be on motherfucking fire right now. He and his staff might be able to recruit but they sure as shit can't coach. The linebackers can't tackle. The defensive backs can't cover. The linemen can't hold on to the other teams QB. And the offense is looking really fucking similiar to that shitty 2008 one that got Tommy Tuberville's big eared ass run out of town. BCS title or not, if this doesn't turn around quickly then ole' Chiz might start looking for some defensive coordinator work in his future. So why do we suck so bad? The lack of depth and the quality of Tuberville's pisspoor recruiting classes can't be blamed for the bullshit product we see out on the field. These are all Chizik's boys. I guess Gene has kicked one too many weed smoking 5 stars off the team than he should have. Maybe it was a terrible idea to run your offensive coordinator out of town so that you could get a boring pro style play caller in to town to NOT take advantage of all the spread ready talent you've been recruiting for 4 fucking years. No wonder our quarterback looks completely fucking lost on the field every time he touches the ball. Or maybe he just sucks. I am starting to think that may be the case. Cuz he sure as shit didn't look like he knew what the hell he was doing last season when he attempted a pass. He looks even less so this season without the benefit of sitting the bench behind that two headed beast of mediocrity that was Barrett Trotter and Clint Moseley. Speaking of Moseley, why not put him in the game? Is his shoulder that trashed? I guess Zeke Pike's dumbass should've been given another chance before the Chizik sent him packing. That moral high ground seems real nice until your only options are a deadarmed loser, a sophomore who looks like a fish out of water, and a true freshman who noone was recruiting. I feel bad for Blake and Lutz that their final years on the Plains that their draft stock is going to take huge hits because they don't have anyone to throw them the damn ball. For future reference to any Auburn coaches....DO NOT RECRUIT QUARTERBACKS FROM THE STATE OF ARKANSAS WHO HAVE STUPID FUCKED SPELLINGS OF THEIR FIRST NAMES. Those guys are coach killers.

the head attached to this shirt is full of hate and rage.

 So what do we have to take away from these losses to teams we should NEVER lose to. Well the main thought I have is this is going to be a really long season. Like 4 or 5 wins long. Anyone who thinks Auburn is gonna magically turn it around when LSU and Arkansas are about to crush the Tigers in the next few months is higher than Michael Dyer. Auburn doesn't look like a team that can give Vandy or Ole Miss much of a game. Another thought is that the really great recruiting class we have right now is all nice and everything but the Tigers top priority should be to go out and find a QB who has started for another Division 1A team that can come in and start for Auburn next season cuz we obviously have noone capable of running a pro style offense or any kind of offense on campus. And fianlly I am gonna be doing some major liver damage to myself this year because I am going to need to be shitfaced every single week to get through a year like the one we are looking at. Either that or I could just free up my Saturdays and do things like spend time with my lady or visit my parents or go see some movies. But who the fuck wants to do that when there is football to be watched? The suffering is back friends. Did it ever really end? War Damn Eagle.

thoughts on the 2011 season

So a year after the most amazing season in Auburn history we get one of the most blah seasons in Auburn history. Every rational Auburn fan knew that 2011 was a rebuilding year and that if this team was able to win 7 games then it was an accomplishment...and so I guess if that was the only goal then mission accomplished. But jesus christ those were 7 of the most ugly fucking wins I have had the displeasure of witnessing. I was at the season opener and watched Auburn get dominated by a pretty lousy Utah State team all damn game until they pulled a rabit out of their ass and made a miracle of a comeback for a win. And things never really got any easier after that. It took everything the Tigers could give to knockoff a Mississippi State team they was well underperforming all year. Auburn's most impressive wins were against a South Carolina team who I still can't figure out how they won 9 games, an Ole Miss team that couldn't beat anyone in the SEC, and the worst Florida team in at least 25 years. Hell it was a struggle for Auburn to beat their fucking FBS home coming cupcake. And every game Auburn lost was an epic blowout, none more sickening than vs Georgia. This would all be easier to stomach if I felt like Auburn was showing any signs of being a good football team next season, but let's be real...this group of players isn't inspiring a lot of hope for 2012.

First off Auburn's QB play was easily the worst of my lifetime. Between Clint Moseley and Barrett Trotter you have a tossup for worst Auburn QB of all time. And the super hyped true freshmen Kiehl Frazier was little more than a wildcat QB who the staff never trusted enough to let him actually play quarterback despite the horrible play of the guys ahead of him. One would assume that neither Trotter nor Moseley will be the QB next year and that Frazier and incoming freshmen Zeke Pike will battle it out for the job...but that just makes me all the more frustrated that Auburn never just went with Frazier when it became painfully obvious just how fucking terrible the other guys were. I mean noone wants to endure a losing season after winning a national title, but if I was watching Frazier develop every single week as the starter I might have a lot more hope about next season. Sadly I don't.

The other HUGE ASS PROBLEM is the defense. What was the strength of the Tuberville era has been the worst thing about the Chizik era. Ted Roof has got to fucking go as well as those guys coaching the DBs and linebackers. Auburn has been just horrible at stopping the pass for 3 years now and I have no reason to believe Roof is gonna figure it out despite the talent that has been recruited at safety and corner the last few classes. Fire him now.

The poor offensive line play is something that I am willing to let slide only because of the amount of young guys that all came with 4 and 5 stars attached to their names who were redshirted. One assumes the o line will be better next season even if it is young...it just has to be.

Other than Lutz and Blake every damn WR on the team was just taking up space. Trevon Reed battled injuries most of the year, but even when healthy I saw nothing that made me believe he was anything but another overrated prospect. With the amount talent that is coming in next season at RB I think the smartest offseason move Auburn could make is converting Mccalleb into a slot receiver. He is Auburn's best playmaker in open space and was far more effective this season catching the ball than he was as a runner out of the backfield.

With another solid recruiting class coming in and with some likely changes coming on defense we can only hope that 2011 really was a rebuilding season and not just a glimpse at more of the same shit to come next season. Obviously winning a national championship buys Chizik a lot of time to figure things out...but then again this is the SEC and along time isn't gonna be that long.

drunk blogging while Auburn gets their ass beat by UGA

If I hate anything more in life than losing to fucking Georgia I don't know what that is. This game (and every game we have played against a team with a real live offense) has been a fucking disaster. Winning that BCS title last year is the only reason I don't throw myself in front of a train.

Remember when we had an awesome QB? Remember when we used to play good defense under Tommy Tuberville? Remeber when we used to own Alabama and Georgia? Remember when I used to write on this blog? Remember when I had actual readers?

Fuck it. I'm done. 2011 has been a totally lame season. Not as bad as it could have been. At least we beat Florida, South Carolina, and Miss State. But goddamn...watching these useless fools playing QB has been about as much fun as sitting through a Lars Von Trier movie.

I'm out. See you never.

Energy Vampires are truly bummed out right now.

i guess i don't have to worry about burning my Cam Newtown jersey or throwing away all my BCS title swag i got at the Spring game.

we got away with it, motherfuckers.

War Damn Eagle.

wow, that was fucking terrible

So Auburn gets their asses kicked by Arkansas in a game that proved we in fact have noone who can play quarterback at the moment and that our defense shutting down South Carolina last week was more about the Man, The Myth, The Legend; Stephen Garcia than anything Auburn actually did well. And so Auburn again looks like a team on course to win 6 or 7 games at best and not someone who will end the season ranked. At this point I don't need to see Barrett Trotter take another goddamn snap for the Tigers. He is about the worst damn QB I care to lay eyes on in the orange and blue. Frazier may have looked just as terrible with two of the ugliest damn interceptions you will ever see a qb throw but id take a freshman learning over some scrub of an upper classmen whose got zero upside and looks completely lost whenever he drops back to throw. Not that Trotter is 100% to blame...how many fucking drops did Auburn have in the game? It seemed like 20. The ball just hit guys right in the hands and then hit the turf. It was a sickening display. It reminded me of the olden days when Auburn couldn't ever find a good wr target. Why the hell did Darvin Adam's ass go pro? If Auburn had a threesome of Adams, Blake, and Reed they'd be fine this year...I like to imagine anyways. Uggh...whatever, fuck it. It was an ugly loss. Auburn got run off the field and shut completely down and by the 4th quarter it was all but over. Hopefully the lousy lookin' Gators will be a win that our Tigers can get next week, at home. But I'm not counting on it. War Damn Whatever.

i can't believe i wasted a beautiful day watching that shitty football game

Ugggh. I guess Auburn finally ran out of Cam's magic pixie dust. Oh well. It has been so long since Auburn actually lost a game that I kinda forgot how bad it felt.

What can I say about this game? During the 1st quarter it looked Auburn was gonna run away with this game...but then a stupid punt return by Trevon Reed and a bad return by Tre Mason and suddenly Auburn's defense completely lost their momentum and Clemson just started scoring at will and that was pretty much it.

On offense Auburn got way too many players involved instead of just feeding Dyer over and over again until that stopped working. Mason shouldn't be getting any carries that aren't in junk time and McCalebb is best used as a secondary back. I get sick of him getting those wrap around handoffs that go for nothing. As for our QB...he is servicable at best. He misses so many wide open reads and is almost zero threat to run and he made two horrible throws into coverage. One that was dropped by the Clemson defender and other that killed any chance Auburn had at making a comeback. I have seen enough of him. Auburn's streak is over. They are not going to win the SEC West. Losing to Clemson basically means Auburn is probably a 6 or 7 win team at best. Play the goddamn highly rated Freshman QB and bench the guy who prob wouldn't start at Kentucky. I will never understand playing experience over talent.

The words I have for Auburn's shitty zone defense are just not worth uttering in case children find this site. Fuck Ted Rood. Thanks for being part of the title but I give most of that credit to Tracy Rocker. They can not stop anyone from doing anything and they make me want to die.

Uggh. Now I must go drink.

Early Cuyler and T-Pain are not fans of Auburn

Auburn Sucks! in autotune. this needs to be my ringtone. one of the funniest episodes of Squidbillies ever. the Stone Mountain laser show with shoutouts to the SEC was pretty amazing as well. still not as funny as the Original Gator Hater...but close.

Auburn Sucks! Auburn Is Amazing!

sorry America, but no team wants to ruin your day more than my Auburn Tigers. the more people doubt them, the more likely they are to pull a motherfucking miracle out their motherfucking asses. and such is life. i thought the magic pixies dust that covered the orange and blue had flew it's ass off to the nfl and was now wearing shades of silver and blue in different cities of the NFL nation...but i guess Cam Newtown left some of that Cammy Juice in the locker room and Barrett Trotter is hiding it in his locker. 2 games into 2011 and the Tigers STILL aren't losing to anyone (no matter how hard they may try to do it). they don't look pretty at all and they sure as shit don't look like a team that could win more than 7 games...and yet if this team somehow went like 9-3 would i even be shocked? not really. looking at the rest of the schedule the only games i don't automatically see Auburn being able to put up a win are....well none of them. even Bama and LSU for all their amazing talent on defense don't seem indestructable. neither of their offenses seem built to withstand a good old fashioned shoot out. do i really think the Tigers have a chance in hell at winning the SEC west in '11? lord no. but do i see Auburn making every damn game they play interesting for the rest of the season despite a complete lack of experience on their team? totally.

War Damn Eagle! it is good to be an Auburn Tiger.

...and now for A Lifetime Of Defeats Completely Pointless Top 25

1. LSU
2. Alabama
3. Oklahoma
4. Wisconsin
5. Stanford
6. Boise State
7. FSU
8. Arkansas
9. Nebraska
10. Oklahoma State
11. South Carolina
12. Michigan State
13. Auburn
14. Florida
15. Texas A&M
16. Tennessee
17. Virginia Tech
18. Oregon
19. South Florida
20. Georgia Tech
21. West Virginia
22. Houston
23. Baylor
24. Mississippi State
25. USC

i've had the desire to yell "War Damn Eagle" at random strangers on brisk Fall afternoons yet again.

it's been a long and depressing offseason. the afterglow of Auburn's national championship has left me with the same feeling i had when i lost my virginity...which is to say i was so glad that finally happened but the next time i hope it goes a lot smoother. the preseason prognosticators have predicted doom and gloom for our Tigers. i myself said last season that i fully expected Auburn to be a 7-5 team next year BUT that assuming Khiel Frazier is developed this season as a QB that Auburn stood a goddamn good chance of being back in the SEC and BCS title hunts for the 2012 and 2013 seasons. but living in a rival school's hometown has left my ears full of the bitterness that is UGA football fandom (nice uniforms, btw...you NIke whores) and their predictions (dirty little fantasies) of seeing Auburn go 4-8. basically the running narrative for this offseason is what a fluke/perfect storm 2010 was, that our coaches aren't any good, and that we will be lucky to beat Ole Miss. i call bullshit on that. the only games i predict being a total longshot are LSU and Arkansas. we've learned the last two seasons that Auburn isn't gonna roll over and fucking die against Alabama and assuming the Tide is in the title hunt you know Auburn will get up for that game. Clemson and USC are teams Auburn just never loses to and i expect them to at least go 1-1 vs the South Carlonia schools. i don't see Auburn losing at home to Mississippi State or Ole Miss. you know they are gonna give those Gators all they can handle. and i am of the opinion UGA is in for a horrible season that will put an end to the Richt era and so i wouldn't be surprised if UGA doesn't have a whole lot to play for when Auburn rolls into Athens. my best case scenario for 2011 is that Auburn finished the regular season at 9-3, tied for 2nd or 3rd in the West and gets a New Year's bowl game (likely the Cotton or Outback) but has a lot of momentum built up for 2012. my worst case scenario is that Auburn loses a lot of really close games and ends up with a 6-6 record and a trip to the Liberty (or whatever lower tier bowl the SEC has). i can swallow a 6-6 year as long as there's a lot of development being shown by Auburn's talented true and redshirt freshmen who are gonna be making up the bulk of the team's roster.

quick QB thoughts:

i will be the first to admit that i was less than thrilled to hear Barrett Trotter named Auburn's starting QB...a player that has to rank right up with Chris Todd as the least talented starter in the last 20 years, but Malzhan was able to make Todd into some kind of productive and useful starter in 2009 and so i would expect nothing less with Trotter. i would however like to assume that at the exact point Auburn is eliminated from any chance to reclaiming the SEC West crown that the keys to the offense will be handed over to our talented incoming Freshman QB (before our other talented Freshman QB shows up next season) and see if the kid lives up to the hype. starting a freshman is never ideal at QB but i have always been of the opinion that you go with the guy with the most talent...not the guy who has been hanging around the longest.

3 things i want to see from Auburn in 2011:

1. a big upset over either Bama, LSU, Florida, or UGA (all games Auburn will likely not be favored in...even though i predict UGA will suck)

2. Khiel Frazier as Auburn's QB at some point (hopefully after the team's 2nd loss) in the season.

3. a defense that can actually shut some team's down in the conference ever so often.

anyways, i am finally getting excited again that the season is almost here. i'll be at the home opener ready to cheer on the Tigers rocking my 2010 BCS title shirt and ready to drop an F-bomb or 5 the first time Auburn doesn't score a TD on a drive.

War Eagle, you fuckers.

just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you

Wow, that was the most useless thing HBO has aired since the Sopranos finale.

4 bitter ex players claiming they got paid. The only guy I would've believed was worth any money was McClover whose former teammates claim he blew all his NFL cash on strippers and now has an axe to grind. Another player Ramsey of course has tried to sue the program because of a back injury, another guy who didn't even set foot on the field, and another who is pissed about not getting a job. If a former player like Carlos Rogers was making these claims then I would be worried. But I'm just not losing any sleep over this. Sorry, unless there is some actual proof all this is going to result in is more ugly coverage and mudslinging from espn and a bunch of longwinded and whiny blog rants about how Auburn should get the death penalty from UGA fans who are pissed at the fact they are NEVER going to win a national title ever again because they can't beat Florida.

I'm not naive enough to believe that some shady shit hasn't gone down at Auburn in the past, but until there is an actual smoking gun that the NCAA finds then all of this is nothing more than talk. Lots and lots of talk.

recruiting is like crack: 2011 edition

national signing day is upon us. so far Auburn has landed 24 recruits. there’s always a possibility of them adding another player but likely this will be the class. Auburn’s only loss was 4 star Linebacker/Runningback Brent Calloway who decided to choose Alabama over Auburn.

the real prize of the day was when Auburn landed the #1 offensive tackle in the country, Cyrus Kouandjio (noone in Auburn is going to be able to pronounce that dudes last name. just sayin’). that gives Auburn by far the best offensive line class in the country to go with the #4 tackle, #3 guard, and #1 center. hopefully this is a group Auburn can build another title around.

some other guys to be excited about are 5 star linebacker Kris Frost, 4 star runningbacks Quan Bray and Tre Mason, QB Khiel Frazier, and the best defensive back class in the nation headed by Jermaine Whitehead…and after last season if there is anything Auburn needs worse than anything are some fucking DBs who can cover.

Auburn will likely end up with another top 10 and possibly top 5 class once the day is done. i expected a lot of these kids to be playing next season as true freshmen with all of Auburn’s player losses and with the lack of depth thanks to Tuberville’s weak recruiting classes in his final two years. but 2 straight years of solid recruiting from Chizik and his staff let us all know that Auburn is going to be back in the SEC and BCS title hunt sooner rather than later.

so let's celebrate with a gratuitous picture of Lyla Garrity (Minka Kelly) in her underwear.

War Damn Eagle


update. currently Auburn is ranked #7 by Rivals, #1 by Scout, and #2 by ESPN but i guess that 5 star tackle dude whose name i can't pronounce is waffling on his choice of the TIgers. i'm gonna go ahead and assume he's gonna sign elsewhere. regardless it's a solid class that added some much needed talent on the offensive line and in the secondary.

thinking about the 2011 season, already

So Darvin Adams is gone.
Nick Fairley is gone.
Cam Newton is gone.
The O-Line is gone.
Most of the D-Line is gone.
Bynes and Stevens are gone.
Etheridge, Washington, Savage...gone.
Byrum and Shoemaker...gone.

So where does that leave the 2011 version of the Auburn Tigers? Young and inexperienced and with a murderous schedule with roadtrips to UGA, LSU, South Carolina, Arkansas, & Clemson. Not to mention Florida, Mississippi State, and Alabama on the schedule too. If Auburn goes 5-7 would you be shocked?

Luckily Auburn fans are going to be way too high on this season's title to get too depressed about what happens next season. As long as Auburn wins a few big games and shows some growth in their young players I think 2011 is going to be just fine. I think 2012 will be Auburn's real goal for getting back to Atlanta and beyond.

On offense Auburn's #1 question is going to be who is our QB. Trotter will most likely have the edge but if Auburn is smart they will start Khiel Frazier. What better way to suffer through a tough year than breaking in a true freshman QB stud? The other big question is who is gonna start on the o-line. Auburn's had some pretty good recruits in last year's class and the likely incoming group, there's a good chance we might see 3 freshmen....which after being spoiled by the group we are losing could lead to a lot of screaming and hairpulling, but again why not suffer through next season and break in the young talent? Finding playmakers at wideout will also be a big priority after losing our top 2 pass catchers. This is an area I feel like won't be as big a problem. Auburn still has Emory Blake and Lutzenkirchen (who I expect to be a huge part of the offense next year) as well as Carr who showed some potential and then there's all that potential receiver talent that the Tigers have recruited the last few years. Benton has yet to prove his former 5 star ranking but Trevon Reed will be expected to make an impact.

Luckily the Tigers have a solid running game to carry the offense and have the potential for 2 thousand yard rushers with Dyer and McCalebb. if anything, 2011 is set to be The Michael Dyer show and gets the ball rolling towards his push for the 2012 Heisman. oh yeah, i am getting greedy.

Even missing Bynes, Fairley, Stevens, and everyone else I think the defense could be better next season...it's hard to imagine that it could be worse. It'll be young but there's some talent hitting the Plains. Expect to see a lot of freshmen and sophomores next year.

I choose to believe that despite the fact Auburn is going to be very young next year and has a tougher schedule than the 2010 Tigers had that Auburn still has enough talent and a creative enough offensive coordinator to at least win 7 or 8 games and set up Auburn for a chance at the 2012 SEC title.