Party On Dude

Super Bowl Sunday is nearly here. i'll be gettin' my drank and my eat on with the Bamarealist and his guests, running sidebets with Kenny, listening to jeff's dick jokes, and hopefully enjoying a close football game. since i don't give a fuck who actually wins i've decided to play a game of chance. if the Giants win the Super Bowl then i am shaving off my beard. also i am giving up fast food for 2 months. other than that i really could give a shit. my predicition, Patriots 38 Giants 20. Brady MVP with 3 touchdowns, 1 to Moss, 2 to Welker. perfect season. greatest team ever. blah blah blah

Superbowl Sunday = Super Monday Hangover

when are they gonna just move to Superbowl to a Saturday? College football doesn't play the National Title game on a Saturday, so why is the NFL so hungup on keeping the Superbowl on Sunday? it's fucking stupid and cuts American productivity in half on the Monday afterwards. blah blah blah, this argument has been made a thousand times and will be made a thousand more. i'll just be glad when this NFL season is behind us. after the Pats finish off this perfect run on Sunday then i can look forward to something i actually care about. the Draft. the lack of posts on this site are directly linked to the fact that i don't care who wins the Superbowl and i'm just sitting around waiting for National signing day so i can speculate on Auburn's incoming class. anyways, enjoy this song about getting high with dinosaurs.

There's no such thing as the Northeast media bias

no, it's all a myth created by the little people not lucky enough to live in the cities of Boston or New York. that being said ESPN interrupted nearly every story they were doing on Sportscenter to let us all know that Johan Santana was being traded to the Mets. i'm sure they would have given just as much coverage if Santana had been traded to the Mariners. i'm sure.

that being said, the Braves are fucked. The Mets just got that best pitcher in baseball and all the Braves did was add an ancient pitcher (Tom Glavine) and a washed up catcher (Javy Lopez) who are passed their prime and are getting a second chance with the Braves mostly because they were fan favorites. that money could have probably been better spent. oh well. i don't care about baseball anymore anyways.

football withdrawl

it's still nearly a week to the Superbowl and it's a superbowl that i could largely give a fuck about, National signing day is still a few weeks away and i' starting to pray openly for a time machine or a worm hole that will open a portal into next August. how did i become that dude? the guy who obsesses about recruiting and buys every single preseason magazine and subscribes to college football podcasts and spends more time studying the spread option than he ever did any subjects in school? i used to be into shit like movies and music and shit like that. now i'm like a crazed old man living in a shack doing blood rituals to help Auburn's production in the redzone improve. i used to have a life. now it's gone. only 7 months till next season.

superbowl week is the most boring week of the year

this is Lula, don't be fooled by that sweet face...she's a vicious beast bent on the destruction on all of my socks and/or underwear..she also is picking the Giants to upset the Patriots in the superbowl. she's a risk taker. what can i say?

Hot Senior Bowl Action

things are gearing up for my second favorite time of the year, NFL Draft season. the Senior Bowl this weekend gathers together the best senior players around the nation (except for the ones who are too big of pussies to be involved, I'm looking at you Brian Brohm, Matt Ryan, Glenn Dorsey, and Quentin Groves) to play a game of football that's really just an exercise in helping or hurting each other's draft stock.

it makes sense to me that if you are a projected top 5 pick then you are better off just sitting this one out and waiting for the NFL combine. but honestly as a fan of football I'd like to see the best players actually play. even if it's just a useless scrimmage game to help kids become millionaires.

this year actually is a pretty weak crop of seniors, with the majority of the excellent skill position players being juniors, but we will get a chance to get a look at a bunch of USC players (9 of them actually. Holy Fuck!) and some of the QBs including Chad Henne, Colt Brennan, Andre Woodson, John David Booty, and Eric Ainge (my sleeper pick of the 2008 QB crop)...in other words the future of the Atlanta Falcons will probably be throwing some picks in this game and it's always fun to get a look at your team's future salary cap killer now while he's still a loveable kid who tons of potential.

here's a list of both the North and South's rosters.

North

Pos. Name School Height Weight Arms Hands

S Jamar Adams Michigan 6-2 1/4 209 32 7/8 8 5/8
LB Xavier Adibi Virginia Tech 6-1 5/8 220 34 9 5/8
DE Cliff Avril Purdue 6-3 252 33 3/4 8 1/2
OT Sam Baker USC 6-4 1/2 308 32 3/8 8 1/4
DT Kentwan Balmer North Carolina 6-4 1/2 308 32 1/2 9 3/4
OT Kirk Barton Ohio State 6-4 3/8 303 33 1/4 9 1/8
LB Beau Bell UNLV 6-1 5/8 243 31 3/8 9
QB John David Booty USC 6-2 3/8 213 31 1/8 8 3/8
WR Adarius Bowman Oklahoma State 6-2 7/8 220 33 3/8 8 1/2
WR Dorien Bryant Purdue 5-9 5/8 169 31 5/8 8 5/8
LS Tim Bugg Indiana 6-0 255 31 7/8 9
OT Gosder Cherilus Boston College 6-6 5/8 315 35 5/8 11 1/2
LB Dan Connor Penn State 6-2 5/8 233 31 1/2 8 1/8
LB Shawn Crable Michigan 6-5 1/8 241 34 1/4 9 7/8
DE Bruce Davis UCLA 6-2 5/8 231 33 3/4 9 1/2
TE Fred Davis USC 6-2 5/8 250 33 1/4 9 1/2
TE Kellen Davis Michigan State 6-6 1/4 259 33 1/4 9 1/2
S Thomas DeCoud Cal 6-1 1/2 196 32 1/4 8 7/8
LB Jordon Dizon Colorado 5-11 7/8 228 31 8 1/4
P Mike Dragosavich No. Dakota State 6-5 1/4 207 32 1/4 7 3/4
DE Chris Ellis Virginia Tech 6-4 1/4 260 31 3/4 9 1/8
DT Sedrick Ellis USC 6-0 7/8 308 32 1/2 8 3/8
QB Joe Flacco Delaware 6-6 1/4 232 32 7/8 9 1/2
RB Justin Forsett Cal 5-7 3/4 190 30 1/4 10 1/2
DB Charles Godfrey Iowa 5-11 3/4 207 31 8 7/8
WR Lavelle Hawkins Cal 5-11 1/8 187 30 9 1/4
QB Chad Henne Michigan 6-2 7/8 228 31 1/4 8 1/4
DE Lawrence Jackson USC 6-4 3/8 261 33 3/4 8 1/2
RB Chris Johnson East Carolina 5-10 1/2 195 30 1/4 7 1/2
DE Jason Jones Eastern Mich. 6-5 1/8 272 34 7/8 9 1/8
DL Trevor Laws Notre Dame 6-0 7/8 297 32 1/2 9 3/4
WR Jordy Nelson Kansas State 6-2 5/8 215 32 9 1/8
OT Carl Nicks Nebraska 6-4 7/8 343 35 9 1/4
C Mike Pollak Arizona State 6-3 3/8 299 31 1/4 9 1/8
DT DeMario Pressley NC State 6-3 1/4 300 34 9 3/4
OT Drew Radovich USC 6-4 3/8 302 33 1/2 9
OT Chad Rinehart Northern Iowa 6-5 1/4 317 33 1/8 9 1/4
LB Keith Rivers USC 6-1 7/8 236 33 10 3/8
WR Eddie Royal Virginia Tech 5-9 5/8 182 30 1/2 8 1/4
TE Martin Rucker Missouri 6-4 3/4 248 34 1/8 9
RB Dantrell Savage Oklahoma St. 5-8 1/4 187 30 1/4 7 7/8
FB Owen Schmitt West Virginia 6-1 3/4 247 31 1/4 9 1/4
OL Roy Schuening Oregon State 6-3 5/8 308 32 7/8 8 5/8
WR Marcus Smith New Mexico 6-0 7/8 214 31 1/8 8 3/4
C John Sullivan Notre Dame 6-3 3/8 294 31 1/8 9 3/4
CB Terrell Thomas USC 6-0 3/8 197 33 3/8 8 1/4
CB DeJuan Tribble Boston College 5-8 1/2 190 30 1/2 9 5/8
RB Chauncey Washington USC 5-11 1/4 215 30 1/2 9 5/8
CB Terrence Wheatley Colorado 5-9 3/8 187 29 5/8 8 3/4
S Tom Zbikowski Notre Dame 5-11 1/8 209 29 5/8 8 3/4

South

Pos. Name School Height Weight Arms Hands

QB Erik Ainge Tennessee 6-5 1/2 225 32 5/8 9 1/4
WR Donnie Avery Houston 5-11 186 33 1/2 8 3/4
OT Heath Benedict Newberry 6-4 3/4 321 33 1/2 9 5/8
TE Cole Bennett Auburn 6-4 1/8 246 33 7/8 9
QB Colt Brennan Hawaii 6-2 1/4 185 35 1/2 9 3/8
P Durant Brooks Georgia Tech 6-0 205 30 9 1/2
DE Titus Brown Miss. State 6-2 5/8 239 32 1/2 9
DT Red Bryant Texas A&M 6-4 3/4 326 34 8 1/8
WR Andre Caldwell Florida 6-0 1/2 207 32 1/4 8 5/8
CB Simeon Castille Alabama 5-11 7/8 190 31 1/2 8
RB Tashard Choice Georgia Tech 5-10 5/8 210 30 1/4 9 1/8
TE Brad Cottam Tennessee 6-7 5/8 271 34 9 1/2
OT Oniel Cousins UTEP 6-4 1/8 301 34 7/8 9
K Brandon Coutu Georgia 5-11 1/4 187 28 1/2 8 1/4
S Quintin Demps UTEP 5-11 3/4 203 31 1/8 8 1/2
WR Early Doucet LSU 5-11 7/8 211 30 3/4 8 7/8
WR Harry Douglas Louisville 5-11 1/8 170 32 1/8 7 3/4
OG Robert Felton Arkansas 6-3 7/8 313 34 9 5/8
DT Andre Fluellen Florida State 6-1 7/8 285 32 1/2 9 1/2
RB Matt Forte Tulane 6-1 1/8 221 31 3/4 9 3/8
DE Wallace Gilberry Alabama 6-2 1/2 263 33 8 7/8
LB Tavares Gooden Miami 6-1 1/8 233 32 1/8 7 3/4
S Marcus Griffin Texas 5-10 1/8 198 29 7/8 9 1/8
WR DJ Hall Alabama 6-2 1/4 190 31 1/8 8
DT Marcus Harrison Arkansas 6-2 3/4 310 33 1/2 8 7/8
RB Jacob Hester LSU 5-10 5/8 230 30 1/8 8 7/8
LB Ali Highsmith LSU 5-11 5/8 229 31 3/8 9 5/8
FB Peyton Hillis Arkansas 6-0 7/8 240 31 1/8 8
CB Chevis Jackson LSU 5-11 1/2 188 32 3/8 8 1/4
C Steve Justice Wake Forest 6-3 1/4 289 31 1/2 8 3/4
LB Kendall Langford Hampton 6-5 3/8 275 33 1/2 8 1/8
CB Patrick Lee Auburn 5-11 7/8 194 30 1/2 8 1/8
C Kory Lichtensteiger Bowling Green 6-2 3/8 296 30 7/8 8 5/8
RB Rafael Little Kentucky 5-8 7/8 194 30 1/2 8 5/8
OT Mike McGlynn Pittsburgh 6-4 3/8 309 32 7/8 8 5/8
CB Leodis McKelvin Troy 5-10 5/8 190 30 1/4 8 1/2
LB Ben Moffitt South Florida 6-1 231 31 3/4 8 5/8
DT Dre Moore Maryland 6-4 1/8 307 33 3/8 10 1/4
OT Barry Richardson Clemson 6-6 3/8 331 34 1/2 8 7/8
DE Darrell Robertson Georgia Tech 6-3 7/8 247 33 9 1/4
CB Dom Rodgers-Cromartie Tenn. State 6-1 3/8 183 31 1/8 8 1/8
LS Garrison Sanborn Florida State 5-11 7/8 239 31 5/8 9 3/4
WR Limas Sweed Texas 6-4 212 33 1/4 9
TE Jacob Tamme Kentucky 6-3 3/4 234 32 8 1/4
DE Jeremy Thompson Wake Fores 6-4 3/8 264 34 3/4 9 3/4
C Cody Wallace Texas A&M 6-4 1/8 290 33 3/8 9
LB Philip Wheeler Georgia Tech 6-2 245 33 1/4 9 1/4
OT Chris Williams Vanderbilt 6-6 1/8 320 32 7/8 9 7/8
S D.J. Wolfe Oklahoma 5-10 3/4 200 29 7/8 8
QB Andre' Woodson Kentucky 6-4 1/4 234 32 1/2 9 3/4
LB Wesley Woodyard Kentucky 6-0 5/8 219 32 7/8 9 1/4

if i'd only been 6 inches taller i coulda been a football player

...instead i spent my teen years listening to rock music, growing my hair long, and trying to figure out different skills that i could attain that would help me get laid. Rock band singer might have been my most/least successful endeavor...look there's even youtube videos to prove it.

okay blah blah, enough self promoting of shit i did 4 years ago, let's talk about what i have been doing lately...okay, sadly the answer to that question is nothing, especially with college football being over and done with. mostly it's been allot of getting home from work and watching ESPN classic, hoping to catch a college football game of yore. unfortunately i am often greeted by poker, bowling, or classic boxing...three things i could 100% do without...which got me thinking, why doesn't ESPN or some other enterprising network come up with a channel that shows nothing but classic college football games. honestly i could spend hours just watching games of Auburn teams from the 1980s when noone could throw a pass and the whole offense was built around "Run Bo Run!" and i'm sure other fans would totally agree. someone should get on that, and soon. blah, this was a completely pointless post meant to take up 10 minutes of my time at work.

Eli? Superbowl? REALLY?!?!?!?!

for serious dude, Eli Manning is going to the fucking Superbowl after beating Favre in Greenbay in Arctic conditions....you could really say Favre beat himself with a pick in overtime, but that oversimplifies the whole thing. really all you need to know is Eli is going to the Superbowl. Eli!!! Eli??? Eli!!! oh yeah the New York media can now officially shut the fuck up. and Tiki can go suck a dick.

the Giants have no chance against the Patriots. i don't give a shit what they did in the final week of the season, that was at home, this is gonna be in nice warm weather with the PATRIOTS having had two weeks to prepare for a team they already beat once. i'm guessing it's a blowout on the level of that 49ers/Broncos Superbowl. but still, Eli is in the Superbowl and your team's shitty overrated QB isn't.

My First and LAST Chess Post...EVER

The search for Bobby Fischer has ended friends...and looks like he's dead. i know nothing about chess, but i really liked that movie when it came out. Bobby Fischer beat the Russians, so that means he goes up there with Rocky and the Patrick Swayze lead Wolverines in the pantheon of great Americans. Fischer died in a Reykjavik hospital on Thursday of kidney failure. poor a 40 out for your brother while you are drinking and celebrating your freedom tonight fool.

a week with nothing to write about

it's been too busy in the land of justin, what with all the art house movies and 500 dollar vacuum cleaners currently taking up time in my life. many thoughts on juniors declaring themselves for the NFL draft and what sort of bust level each of them has is coming shortly. saw Control again last night. if you forgot how much Joy Division ruled cuz you got burnt out on all of the Interpol/Stills/She Wants Revenge clones then you should probably bust your copy of Unknown Pleasures out today and give her a good listen. it's in the top 5 greatest debut albums of all time.

THE NFLs (Divisional Playoff Edition aka T.O.'s sweet tears of defeat)

-man the Patriots are so fucking good that I've stopped rooting against them. sometimes you must put your personal hatred for a team aside and just appreciate their awesomeness......oh fuck that! Rodney Harrison is too much of a douchebag to ever stop hating the Pats. unfortunately...
-they'll be playing the Chargers in the AFC title game, a team that i hate even more than the Patriots. The Chargers are the ultimate Paper Champions, but with L.T. and Rivers on the bench they pulled a victory out of their ass against the Colts. poor Peyton. good thing he won that Superbowl last year, cuz people would be talking about his ability to pulloff massive choke jobs with ease again, something that he did in nearly every loss the Colts suffered this season. maybe if the Colts didn't make Marvin Harrison sit on the sidelines during their potential game winning drive then they might have pulled out the victory. in the long run who cares. neither of those teams could beat the Patriots. i fully expect the Chargers to get beaten by about 30. which means...
-Help us Brett Favre. your our only hope. you and your scrappy band of rebels just got done defeating the Seahawks on Hoth and now it's time to get your asses back to the Superbowl and crush those fucking Patrtiots. and luckily you get to defend the ice fortress of Hoth AGAIN. cuz America's team went down...
-so i guess Tony Romo should've spent less time titty fucking Jessica Simpson and more time learning not to throw game killing interceptions into the endzone on game winning drives against the Giants. that's two straight years that a mistake by Romo has caused the Cowboys a playoff win. it's been 12 years since the Boys won a playoff game for all you kids scoring at home. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! and T.O. cried like a girl afterwards? fag.
-this of course means Eli Manning is one game closer to the Superbowl. yeah read that again, ELI FUCKING MANNING is gonna be in the NFC Championship game while his brother sits at home watching the game on his Sony HDTV. on a team full of total douchebags it's hard not to root for Eli. i'd much rather see the Packers win next week just because i think Favre might be the only one who could take out the Pats, but still i'll be rooting for Eli to play well.

RUN DMC is going pro...yeah, No fucking shit.

in a move that surprised no one on the planet, Darren McFadden is declaring himself eligible for the 2008 NFL draft. now, if only the Falcons can work some kinda miracle and actually land him. and this is even more exciting news for the nerds who play in fantasy football keeper leagues and came in last place, now you got something to look forward to instead of trying to decide between which under performing wide receiver you wanna waste your top pick on.

New Dawn Fades

no thoughts on sports today. instead i only have the Ian Curtis biopic on my mind. it starts tonight at Athens' Cine'.


okay some random sports thoughts.
the NFL playoff games are all gonna be blowouts...well maybe. the favorites will all probably win for sure.
Auburn basketball is a depressing site. i might be able to get some minutes on that team.
when's spring practice start?

HE'S HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

have you seen this creature? his name is Kenny George and he's 7 foot 8, weighs 360 pounds with a size 26 shoe and plays center for the University of North Carolina-Asheville. i have no fucking clue if he's any good, if i was taking bets i'd go with No. but honestly who cares? he's a fucking monster. hell he looks like a bear that escaped from the zoo and put on some basketball shorts to hide. i'm sure some NBA team will draft him just as an experiment, but honestly this kids real future is in the world of pro wrestling. holy fucking Christ. they could call him Godzilla or something. it would be rad. i might even start watching wrestling again.

here's a youtube clip of him in action. dude has no ball skill whatsoever, but he can dunk without jumping...and that's something to behold.

Pete Carroll ain't comin' to Hotlanta....

....but even if he wanted to Herbie-bot and Corso would do everything in their power to sabotage it. i mean would they even be able to do an entire season of College Football Gameday without being able to give Coach Carroll oral pleasures? what would Colin Cowherd even talk about on his radio show? and honestly why would Carrol wanna coach the Falcons? he's got a more talented team at Southern Cal than he would as boss in Atlanta. this is one of those stories that i fully expect to die by the end of the day. and even if he really does come to Atlanta do i even care? not really. being able to recruit insane amounts of talent to come play for you in LA and then dominate a fairly average conference every single year doesn't mean you can turn a terrible NFL team into a winner. if he turned down the Chargers and Dolphins last year then there is no fucking way he'd wanna coach the Falcons....UNLESS he thinks USC is about to get put on probation for all the Reggie Bush shit. whatever. this story doesn't even really interest me that much. i could care less about the Falcons unless they draft Darren McFadden. and watching Pete Carroll go 5-11 for 2 years before deciding he'd rather go back to college and "win forever". Arthur Blank needs to fucking hire a good NFL assistant coach and quit trying to make a big splash with his next hire. that's the problem with him as owner of the Falcons...he's way too concerned with making BIG MOVES instead of just having a solid football team.

and let's be honest, how could you ever leave the Song Girls behind?

Does Anybody Need A 6 foot 6, 247 pound Quarterback?

Michigan super recruit/manbeast Ryan Mallett has decided he'd rather not waste his next 3 years of college trying to run a spread attack under Rich Rodriguez...as he's probably gonna be playing in the ol' NFL and would be better served in some one's more traditional offense. so yeah he's set to tranfer to another school. when a reporter asked Rodriguez what Mallett's plans were RichRod told them he didn't care because he wasn't playing at Michigan anymore...or something like that. no word yet as to where Mallett will take his giant frame and rocket arm...with any luck it's not Alabama or another SEC school. i think he'd look pretty good in a Texas Tech uniform running that insane pass happy attack of Mike Leach, but that's just me dreaming of using him on NCAA Football 2010 and winning some more virtual HeismanZ. or in a move that makes no sense at all but would still be kinda rad he could transfer to SMU now that June Jones is running the show and help resurrect a once proud Texas football program...but that ain't happening.

Cry Me A River....Again

so, Georgia President Michael Adams has went and declared all out Jihad on the BCS, leaking stories to the AJC, throwing news conferences, and calling for an eight team playoff to decide the national champ because the BCS is "undercutting the sportsmanship and integrity of the game." you can read that as "undercutting UGA's chances at winning a national title cuz you know they ain't winning the SEC next year...but 2nd place sounds like it might get you in". now i completely 100% agree that we need some kind of a playoff...probably more like 4 teams instead of 8 (because in most non-insane years it's usually easier to figure out who the top 4 teams are) but when you issue a challenge like this in a year when your school was the team left on the outside looking in, it all just wreaks of bullshit. Adams has been against a playoff for 20 fucking years and now that the Dawgs got left high and dry he's gonna do something about it (read that as do nothing about it because everybody knows the Big 10 and Pac 10 and Rose Bowl will never let this happen). now in 2004 when Auburn (a team that ACTUALLY won the SEC, AND went Undefeated...2 things UGA wouldn't know anything about this year) everyone said they were being crybabies....of course that was before Florida destroyed Ohio State in a National title game and ESPN became obsessed with SEC speed and dominance...but hey, those are the breaks when you're a life long Tigers fan.

anyways, although i fully support what Adams is trying to accomplish, it's hard for me to ACTUALLY take it seriously when the motivations are going to be looked at as completely self serving and not really for the "integrity of the game" or what the fuck ever. i'd much rather see the presidents of Big 12 or ACC schools leading this charge so that it wasn't so fucking transparent. all in all though this is allot of wasted time and effort because until the Big 10 and Pac 10 get left feeling the burn of being spurned for BCS titles when they felt they were deserving of them then nothing is ever really gonna happen, but everybody knows that if Michigan or Ohio State are sitting there with one loss in a wide open year like this one, then that healthy "East Coast Media Bias" backed by the Big 10 Homers at ESPN will get them into that title game. until you can fix that problem, then no playoff will ever have a shot.

JUMPING THE FUCKING GUN

college football is FINALLY FUCKING OVER. all i really have to look forward to the next few months is the Senior Bowl and then the NFL draft. IT'S A LONG WAY until September '08, but here's a WAY TOO EARLY prediction at next season's Pre-Season top 10.

1. USC
2. Georgia
3. Florida
4. Oklahoma
5. Ohio State
6. West Virginia
7. Texas
8. Missouri
9. LSU
10. Auburn

The Final Useless Blogpoll

A Lifetime of Defeats Final top 25

1. LSU
2. USC
3. Georgia
4. West Fucking Virginia
5. Missouri
6. Kansas
7. Ohio State
8. Oklahoma
9. Texas
10. Virginia Tech
11. Auburn
12. Boston College
13. Tennessee
14. BYU
15. Florida
16. Arizona State
17. Cincinatti
18. Michigan
19. Clemson
20. Texas Tech
21. Oregon
22. Hawaii
23. Illinois
24. Oregon State
25. Mississippi State/Kentucky (tied)

LSU are the Champs/ Ohio State still fucking sucks

-Corso and Herbibot spent the whole pregame drinking massive amounts of hatorade on LSU. Corso said Dorsey would fake an injury to protect his draft stock. what a fucking douche.
-Bennie Wells is NOT overrated.
-LSU fucked around a little too much. i guess drinking that National Champ koolaide will get your ass.
-oh they woke up, never mind.
-i guess SEC speed really does kill.
-Glenn Dorsey should go ahead and crank that number one pick.
-Ohio State should be banned from playing in any national title games for at least 4 years.

-i'm glad this stupid season of college football is finally over. way to go LSU, SEC wins back to back titles.

the final AP poll is out. GEORGIA number 2?!?! over USC?!?! okay. i guess that's more of a nod to how tough the SEC is. Auburn finished #15, behind Florida. Bullshit. that's called media bias bitches. here's the final poll.
1. LSU (60) 12-2 1,620
2. Georgia (3) 11-2 1,515
3. USC (1) 11-2 1,500
4. Missouri 12-2 1,347
5. Ohio State 11-2 1,346
6. West Virginia 11-2 1,342
7. Kansas (1) 12-1 1,303
8. Oklahoma 11-3 1,139
9. Virginia Tech 11-3 1,096
10. Texas 10-3 962
10. Boston College 11-3 962
12. Tennessee 10-4 904
13. Florida 9-4 685
14. Brigham Young 11-2 654
15. Auburn 9-4 648
16. Arizona State 10-3 587
17. Cincinnati 10-3 566
18. Michigan 9-4 508
19. Hawaii 12-1 460
20. Illinois 9-4 443
21. Clemson 9-4 353
22. Texas Tech 9-4 308
23. Oregon 9-4 253
24. Wisconsin 9-4 202
25. Oregon State 9-4 110

THE NFLs (Playoff Wild Card Round)

-my defacto team, The Washington Redskins, fell short. after coming back from 13-0 and taking control the Seahawks suddenly remembered they were in a playoff game and ended up running away with the game in the 4th quarter. props to the Redskins. Meast would be proud.
-Eli Manning gets to get off the short bus for now by winning a playoff game. The Bucs totally suck. did the NFC South really deserve to have a team in the playoffs? my guess is that either the Saints or Panthers will be winning that division again next year. The Giants on the other hand have all the talent in the world to beat Dallas...they're my darkhorse Superbowl pick...even though i fucking hate them.
-The Jags roll into the Pittsburgh and beat the Stealers AGAIN. congratulations, now you get to go lose to the Patriots next week.
-The Chargers just sorta fucked around for a half before beating the crippled Titans. i fucking hate the Chargers. i hope Indy beats them by about 30 points. bunch of shit talking crybabies with a douchebag for a QB. i think you can call the Madden Curse officially broken though. Vince Young played well despite not winning or throwing any touchdowns. the Titans are gonna be awesome in like 2 years.
-i fully expect all the teams with homegames to win, but i won't be surprised if the Chargers beat Indy and if New York takes out Dallas with T.O., this might be the least interesting playoffs i can ever remember.

BCS National Title Drinking Game

1. everytime "SEC speed" is brought up take a shot. (you'll be dead by halftime)
2. everytime Glenn Dorsey's chop block injury is brought up drink a beer.
3. everytime Ohio State's shitty schedule is brought up take a shot.
4. everytime they talk about James Laurinaitis' dad being a pro wrestler drink a PBR.
5. everytime Ohio State gets picked off do a dance and drink a beer.
6. everytime Jacob Hester picks up a 1st down on a crucial play take a shot.
7. everytime you wanna ram hot pokers into your ear drums to make the horrible sounds of the Fox announcers go away take a shot.
8. if the Ohio State Buckeyes should somehow win and crush your SEC loving spirit you should drink a bottle of Wild Turkey and burn a car in honor of the Big 10.

2008 Wishlist

1. Auburn wins a fucking National Title.
2. Auburn at least wins an SEC title.
3. Auburn at the very least wins the SEC West.
4. Falcons land Darren McFadden....somehow.
5. Braves win one final World Series. Smoltz Wins Cy Young. he and Cox retire and ride off into the sunset. Atlanta burns the city to the ground. all is well.
6. i rack up 800 yards a game on NCAA 2009 for XBoX 360 with Auburn's new wide open spread attack resulting in a virtual Heisman for Kodi Burns.
7. The Red Sox and Yankees both miss the playoffs.
8. I win my NCAA Basketball Tournament pool.
9. The Patriots get beaten in the playoffs by anyone except the fucking Cowboys.
10. this fucking writer's strike would end and we get more than 8 episodes of Lost.

Gimme Back My Mushchamp!

my hero of the 2007 football season, Auburn defensive coordinator Will Muschamp is apparently bolting for the greener pastures of Texas football. the Longhorns (who stole Auburn's last defensive coordinator) have offered him a job...and considering that Texas is a better launching pad for a headcoaching position, he's probably gonna take it. this fucking blows. I LOVE MUSCHAMP! he's an insane badass who fires up his players, blitzes like a maniac, and headbutts people. i'm sure Tuberville will find a good coordinator somewhere, cuz that's what he does...but fuck, it'll be sad not to see Muschamp on the sidelines next year yelling "Boom! Motherfucker!" at his players.

Did You Watch The Orange Bowl?

apparently not many people did. i sure as hell didn't. i got better things to do like watch some show about Super Models and shit. i mean that's exciting for Kansas fans that they're team finished 12-1 and actually beat a halfway descent/crappy ACC team in Virginia Tech (sorry Hokies, your sympathy meter ran out when the new year rolled over), but seriously been the least interesting BCS match up since Utah played Pitt back in 2004. i watched the highlights this morning on the ol' World Wide Leader and looks to me like this was a pretty ugly game...unless you like interceptions allot. i never thought i'd say this, but i'm ready for this fucking college football season to be over. all this waiting around a week for the National title game after the new year's bowls is totally fucking bullshit.

War Eagle Top 10 for 2007

some dude did this Auburn Top 10 Plays of 2007 for the youtube. looking back on this i realize that there really weren't that many awesome moments from this season, but i'm a big fan of the top 5 for sure.

Noel Devine is fucking sick

if you saw any of the game last night you know this statement to be fact. and just for further proof i present you this youtube highlight video. man where was youtube when Bo Jackson was in highschool? damn it...if only Al Gore had invented the internet sooner.

Some Random Thoughts About the New Year's Bowls

watching the Sugar Bowl was more like watching a snuff film than a football game. it wasn't even fun after about the end of the 1st quarter. Mark Richt showed his true FSU colors by going for it on 4th down during the 4th quarter in a route. Colt Brennan got his brains knocked out, as well as his draft stock knocked down. and the Fox commentators pretty much made it sound like Hawaii were some nice elves from a magic land who had come to bring us all love and cookies and the run and gun, and instead they were brutally attacked and raped by the savage manbeasts of UGA. Knowshon continues to dance. if you ask a Georgia fan they'll tell you he's better than Darren McFadden and he's winning the Heisman next year. i fucking hate Georgia. black jerseys are totally gay.

Joe McKnight is fucking sick. after emerging from the 10 player backfield he'd been part of all year, he exploded for 2006 all purpose yards in the Rose Bowl. i don't know if he's the next Reggie Bush, but he might just be the best freshman runningback in one of the best freshman classes in years. Georgia looked impressive against an over matched Hawaii, but USC looked downright unstoppable against Illinois. they coulda hung 100 on the Zookers if they'd wanted to. a UGA vs USC Rose Bowl really would have been a much better matchup. fuck the Rose Bowl in it's ass for following the Big 10 vs Pac 10 tradition.

other thoughts
-i totally expected Arkansas to lose their matchup with Missouri, but i didn't expect them to get completely demolished. forget all the negative things i said about Mizzou. those kids can play.
-Florida went and fucked up and SEC's bragging rights by losing to Michigan's lousy ass. at the end of the day Florida really aren't as good as everyone thinks they are. their best wins this season were against FSU, Tennessee, and Kentucky. they don't play any fucking defense, and if you can stop Tebow then you can pretty much beat them. they'll go into next season as a top 5 team...but i'm not so sure they deserve it.
-Tennessee beat Wisconsin in the most boring of bowl games. who watched this shit besides fans of those two schools?

WEST FUCKING VIRGINIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Shit! Bob Stoops, you can't win a BCS game to save your life. West Fucking Virginia (aka my favorite team to play as on NCAA Football 2008) just straight thugged it's way past the always underachieving Oklahoma Sooners. let's just go ahead and take them out of the 2008 National Title discussion because we ALL know that they're gonna lose some inexplicable games next season, not to mention get spanked and/or embarrassed in their fucking bowl game next year. but seriously you gotta feel good for those kids in West Virginia. they've got the BCS title game in their grasp and then lose to a SHITTY Pitt team, then their coach bolts for the BIG HOUSE...which leads to much ugliness (lawsuits, crying, lawsuits). Everyone had them written off. and how do they respond? they don't just beat the Sooners, they straight fucking kicked their motherfucking ass! wow, i think Noel Devine just scored another 60 yard touchdown. i sure as shit am not looking forward to Auburn playing these guys next year.

Victory...it Tastes Like Chicken

i spent New Years eve with my dad and 70 thousand plus drunk rednecks enjoying the Chick-Fil-A Bowl in Atlanta as my Auburn Tigers unleashed the spread attack on those other Tigers who wear Orange, Clemson.

i'll admit that i was giddy with excitement when Auburn took the field in a 5 receiver set on their first possession of the game. i appreciate what Al Borges helped the Tigers pull off in 2004, but i'm glad to see the West Coast offense go. if i had to watch another play action pass my fucking head was gonna explode.

"hope springs eternal" would be the theme of the evening. Mario Fannin and Kodi Burns both look like THE FUTURE of this new spread offense. Fannin is as lethal a receiver as Auburn has had from the Runningback position in years...or at least he was New Year's eve. and Burns looks like he could end up being the best threat we've at QB since Dameuyne Craig. the young receiving corp should thrive in this new passing attack, as long as Kodi is half the passer he is the runner. all in all I'm hanging my hat on these two freshman as the best building blocks for a possible return to the SEC title game in the next few years.

the offense ran something like 90 plays....which was like 2 games worth of offense compared the rest of this season. the young o-line has really gelled together well and they are chop blocking like true champions. (watch your ACL motherfucker...we iz coming 4 yr ass). Tate, Lester, and Fannin all looked go running toss sweeps and taking the handoff out of the shotgun formation. hopefully incoming freshman Enrique Davis can add some explosiveness to an already solid backfield. but it was Burns that really stole the show. playing a significant amount and keeping Clemson's defense off balance. he did most of his damage on the ground with 69 yards rushing but he also tossed a touchdown pass to Fannin, but it was the game winning run in overtime that really has me dreaming big things for the Tigers next year. never have i felt so euphoric after an Auburn victory in a meaningless bowl game in a non-championship year as i did after this one. with the best defense in the SEC coming back and a new spread offense with a athlete like Burns running it, 2008 is set to be a big year.

as for senior QB Brandon Cox, thanks for the wins against Florida and Bama and for 4th and forever against UGA in '05, you were a true warrior and you leave the school with 27 wins as a 3 year starter. great stat and all, but don't let the door hit you on the way out. i've never hated and loved a Qb so much as you.

so Auburn closes the book on '07 with a big win.

WAR FUCKING EAGLE!

FUCKING FALCONS

way to go out a win assholes. you can all go eat a bag of dicks. i hope Matt Ryan breaks his leg in the fucking senior bowl. it's enough to make me wanna go jump off a bridge.

An Open Letter to The Atlanta Falcons

Dear Falcons,

as a long suffering fan of your pathetic franchise who has sat through countless losing seasons and had his hopes built up and then crushed more times than he can remember, i have just one request for you on Sunday. just lose. please. all a win does is move you further down in the draft. a draft that isn't very deep and has only 3 or 4 players i'd really be that excited about you drafting. you guys nearly fucked things up last week by playing the Cardinals tough, we really can't risk that sort of effort again. sit your players with any ounce of talent and instead let Joey Harrington throw the ball about 50 times and I'm pretty sure we can be guaranteed a loss and a chance at landing Darren McFadden.

p.s., please don't draft Matt Ryan. he fucking sucks.

thanks

justin

SUICIDE WATCH (BOWL EDITION)

it's Bowl season. Auburn tries to finish their up and down year facing the Clemson Tigers in the Chick-Fil-A bowl (also known this year as the NO I WON'T COME COACH ARKANSAS CUZ I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET A BIG FAT RAISE FROM MY OLD SCHOOL BOWL) which used to be called the Peach Bowl. this is a rematch of the only bowl game I've ever actually been too when Auburn beat Clemson way the fuck back in 1997 or 1998 when they had Dameuyne Craig and Takeo Spikes running the show. Auburn was able to win the game 21-17 and i think i still have the big plastic cup somewhere in my room back home. and this also marks the ONLY game this season where i will be watching my Tigers' play live.

anyways this year's match up features 2 talented teams who underachieved for the most part this season. Clemson has a strong running game and Auburn has one of the best defenses in the nation. so basically look for Clemson to pass the daylights outta the ball and Auburn to give up 50 points. no i am kidding. that's not happening...please don't let it happen. honestly i'm not that emotionally invested in the outcome of this match up. a win would be good because 9-4 sounds allot better than 8-5, also it assures that Auburn will remain in the top 25...which always parleys into rankings for next season.

after the joy and euphoria of beating BAMA for the 6th straight time was then tossed into a sea of turmoil with the anxiety surrounding a possible departure of Coach Tuberville things have finally started to settle down. Tubby decided to stay put, for now, and instead the focus has switched to the new Offensive Coordinator and the spread attack that he will be bringing to the Plains. iit's unlikely that Auburn is gonna come out in 5 receiver sets and play Texas Tech ball all game, but a few wrinkles here and there will probably rear their heads. also expect to see some of Kodi Burns running to team, as he's getting the first crack at being the starter for next year before the new freshman players and juco transfers hit campus.

as far as the match up goes, i don't really know that much about Clemson. they got beat by Boston College in the only game i watched them play. they run the ball well. they play solid D. their Qb doesn't make allot of mistakes. they are allot like Auburn, with a better backfield and a weaker defense and their Qb doesn't throw as many picks. all in all it's a total tossup. i expect a close game and a low scoring one at that.

potential for tragedy: 5 (as in 50/50 on Auburn's odds to win)

method of suicide: None. I'm not killing myself over the Chick-fil-A bowl. nobody remembers mediocre bowl game results except for the people who played in the game or the people who went to the game. I'm just looking to have a good time watching a good game with my dad. those are the sorts of things that make football awesome.

Merry X-Mas Motherfucker

all that the sports world gives me today are some NBA games that i don't give a fuck about. obviously i am a closet racist and hate the NBA for those reasons, it has nothing to do with the fact that basketball has gotten way more boring in the last 10 years and that most of the star players are totally unlikeable. that can't be it. anyways merry x-mas, i'll be spending mine with the family and then probably catching a movie and getting drunk at the only bar that's open in the city of Augusta.

...And Now I Know What If Feels Like To Be The 1985 Patriots

TRAGEDY! after an amazing run in the fantasy football season, your heroes, The Thug Apologists go and get blown the fuck out (84-39...just in case you are scoring at home)in the BOOZE HOUNDS LEAGUE CHAMPIONSHIP GAME by giving what can only be called our teams worst performance of the year. in classic JR Suicide and Kenniebloggins style we sat the Bears Defense and played the Cardinals instead, thinking that with them facing the Falcons and the Bears playing the Packers that we were money. WRONG!!!! The Bears put up 25 points on the Packers and the Cardinals nearly got beaten by the Falcons...netting us only 4 points. what the fuck? but not that it would have really mattered anyways as the rest of our team decided to all not show up this week. our once mighty backfield of Joseph Addai, Adrian Peterson, and Chester Taylor only combined for 11 points total. our receivers, which have always been a weak point did jack and shit. and then Carson Palmer put the final cherry on our shit sunday by giving a fairly lousy performance against the Browns...a team he torched for 6 touchdowns earlier in the year. what can i say other than our opponent destroyed our soul. there will be no titty bars and championship t-shirts this year my friends.

What's Your Fantasy? (Championship Edition)

"there can only be one"

and here it has come to this. The Thug Apologists have rolled their way through the difficult world of fantasy football with Purple Jesus and Joseph Addai leading us to glory. only one game separates us from titty bars and custom championship t-shirts. what better way could one celebrate the holidays? it's all up to the Vikings running game, the Bengals passing attack, and a little something i like to call the Cardinals defense vs. the Falcons. it might also help us if Randy Moss and Peyton Mannning both decided to not show up today...so big guy upstairs see if you can do something 'bout that. i don't ask for much, but winning my fantasy league is worth calling down a favor. so if you love me and MB and wish us nothing but joy on this most special of days then root hard for Purple Jesus, pray that Chris Henry doesn't get arrested before the Bengals' game, wish for nothing but the best for Chris Cooley, hope against hope that Calvin Johnson can hold onto those td passes, and curse those fucking Falcons and ask that they send as many picks the Cardinals' way. i'm no Lou Holtz, so i don't have a pep talk for my team that can rival his magic tricks, but i do have faith in my ability to randomly select a handful of NFL players and roll the dice as they play independently of one another in an effort to bring me fleeting glory. Go THUG APOLOGISTS. make daddy proud.

also someone should get me this shirt.

No TV Makes Jack A Dull Boy

My cable is out...which means i have no ability to watch any of the shitty bowl games coming up....there's football on tv and i have no ability to witness it. fuck fuck fuck!

Bowl Mania

so the college football bowl season starts tonight with the epic matchup of power houses UTAH and NAVY in the Poinsettia Bowl. could be worse i suppose. both teams like to score points and not play much defense...which is exactly what i'm in the mood for during a writers' strike. my Twin Peaks boxed set is gonna get the night off as i root for our servicemen to defeat those pesky Mormons (i just assume everyone in Utah is Mormon) in the fine city of San Diego. it's basically the best bowl matchup you have to look forward to this week unless you're a fan of any of the teams playing.

tomorrow features quiet possibly the worst bowl game in recent memory, the New Orleans Bowl which features Florida Atlantic vs Memphis (excuse me if i go see Juno instead), followed by the Papajohns.com Bowl which features Southern Miss and Cincinnati and then finally we get a pretty good matchup in the Las Vegas bowl as those other pesky Mormons BYU take on UCLA. expect BYU to completely destroy the Bruins. seriously if you are a mediocre Pac 10 team backing into a bowl game the last team you wanna face is BYU...last year they fucking destroyed Oregon in this exact same bowl. i expect more of the same this year.

Big Tuna Not Coming To Hotlanta

so much for that dream.

Bill said no thanks to the Falcons after telling everyone he was gonna take the job and instead he apparently is set to take over the Dolphins. i guess when given the choices of taking over a shitty team, living in Miami beats living in Atlanta any day of the week.

the suffering continues......that NFC championship game is starting to feel like it was decades ago.

Big Tuna Coming to Hotlanta

so one of the biggest dickheads in NFL History, Bill Parcells...not to mention one of the greatest coaches of all time is about to take over the Atlanta Falcons as President of Football Operations or something like that. basically he's gonna run the team, pick the coach, hire a new GM (bye bye Rich McKay...thank god) and probably pick the talent. more than likely Parcells will probably name himself GM. basically as long as he doesn't end up becoming the coach then i'm okay with this move. Bill does two things well, he drafts really great talent and he turns teams into winners. if the Falcons can steal Jason Garrett away from Dallas to be the new head coach then this might end up being one of the best offseasons after a dreadful year that i can remember as a Falcons fan....as long as they are able to cap it all off by landing Darren McFadden in the draft. FUCK a QB in the 1st round. i'd much rather see the Falcons take someone like Eric Ainge in the 2nd round than waste their 1st pick on Matt Ryan.

Bowl Matchups That Could Have Been

With Bowl Season about the start this week i am always amazed when i find myself sitting through a stellar match up of the 3rd place conference USA team vs the 2nd place MAC team to a half empty stadium in some exotic location such as Memphis or Nashville. and during those moments and i like to imagine bowl match ups the could have been if they'd just add another 3 or 4 to the polluted holiday football schedule. something to show in between reruns of SNL and Leno.

THE BC HEADACHE POWDER DISAPPOINTMENT BOWL

Louisville vs South Carolina

1st off you've got a battle of 2 6-6 teams that were ranked in the top 10 at some point during the season. each one was supposed to compete for their conference title and in Louisville's case their was some hopes at being in the national title picture and a Heisman trophy for their QB Brian Brohm. South Carolina saw itself as the darkhorse contender for the SEC East and a breakout season in the Ol' Ball Coaches third season. yeah well things don't always go according to plan. and here we are both of those schools find themselves sitting at home while Memphis takes on Florida Atlantic in a bowl game that noone in their right mind would watch. even though they were both mediocre teams at season's end, i'm pretty sure Louisville and South Carolina could beat both Memphis and Florida Atlantic....so why not push those schools to the side and give the TV viewing public what they really want. 2 struggling big time programs whose coaches can't believe how shitty their season's ended up being.

THE WHO GETS BOOTED OUT OF DIVISION I FOOTBALL AND REPLACED BY APPALACHIAN STATE BOWL

Florida International vs Idaho

it's time for App State to move up after winning their 3rd straight National Title and also after beating Michigan as a reward...but instead of just moving them up we should start treating DI like the British soccer leagues where teams get moved down to lower divisions if they suck too much. well very few teams suck as much as Idaho or Florida International. both teams went 1-11. neither school has any sort of upward momentum as a program. neither school would be any good in Division Iaa either. but i'm pretty sure if they had to play for their Division I lives you might get a pretty good fucking football game. if anything it's a good way to start cleaning out the trash every year.

THE KY JELLY BOTTOM BOWL

Ole Miss vs Minnesota

fans of the the SEC love to hate on the Big 10. and with 4 head to head match ups of some of their best teams it's a great way to find out just how bad the Big 10 really is. well i think an even better way to find out whose conference is better is to take the worst school in each conference and match them up to find out who is a bear and who is a twink.

What's Your Fantasy? (Playoff time Motherfucker)

Monday Night Football = the most important game of the year for me. as the Vikings/Bears game is the deciding factor in our fantasy football semi-final, your heroes (The Thug Apologists) are set to win their game and head onwards to the championship as we trail by 10 points with 3 different players AND the Bears defense all going tonight. Purple Jesus, Bernard Berrian, Chester Taylor, and with any luck Devin Hester are set to crush our opponent and it's just one game away from titty bars and championship t-shirts. so root hard for Purple Jesus to destroy or for the Bears D to shut him down....either way it's a victory...and that's what i like to call good odds.

*and so it is done. Purple Jesus leads us onwards to the Championship game thanks to his two touchdowns against the Bears D....how were nice enough to help us pad our lead with 3 picks and a fumble recovery...all in all the Thug Apologists are just one game away from Fantasy Glory which = Championship T-Shirts, Longhorns Steakhouse Victory Dinner, and making it rain at Toppers. this is why we play the game.

Big 10 and Rich

Rich Rodriguez is the new headcoach of Michigan. how they expect to run a spread offense with that lumbering giant playing QB, by the name of Ryan Mallet, next season is a mystery to me. my early prediction is an 8 win season and alot of people crying to bring back Lloyd or another "Michigan" guy. this is a weird fit, as i'd always thought Rodriguez would make a great Big 12 coach, running his version of the spread at a school like Nebraska...or maybe even Texas when Mack Brown hangs it up. i'm sure in a few years he'll have the players he needs and will be dominating the Big 10. i feel bad for West Virginia though. this is a shitty way to end your season. lose to a rival when you were one win away from a national title and then have your coach go take another job and then probably cap it off by getting blown out by Oklahoma in your bowl game.

in related news: rumors are flying out of West Virginia that Nick Saban's agent contacted their athletic director about the job opening. there's no fucking way that could possibly be true...could it???!!! Nick the Prick is Satan, but would he really leave Bama after just one fucking year on the job? i can't possibly believe that this would happen, but he is a son of a bitch...so you never know. if it is true then i'm officially putting MB on suicidewatch and taking away any and all sharp objects.

LET'S GO BOWLING

December 20

1: Poinsettia Bowl: Utah vs Navy- UTAH

December 21

2:New Orleans Bowl: Florida Atlantic vs Memphis- FLA ATLANTIC

December 22

3: Papajohns.com Bowl: Cincinnati vs Southern Mississippi-Cincinatti

4: New Mexico Bowl: New Mexico vs. Nevada-Nevada

5: Las Vegas Bowl: BYU vs UCLA-BYU

December 23

6: Sheraton Hawaii Bowl: East Carolina vs Boise St.-Boise St

December 26

7: Motor City Bowl: Purdue vs Central Michigan-Central Michigan

December 27

8: Holiday Bowl: Texas vs Arizona State-Arizona State

December 28

9: Champs Sports Bowl: Boston College vs Michigan State-BC

10: Texas Bowl: TCU vs Houston-TCU

11: Emerald Bowl: Maryland vs Oregon State-Oregon St

December 29

12:Meineke Car Care Bowl: wake Forest vs Connecticut- Wake Forest

13: Autozone Liberty Bowl: UCF vs Mississippi State-UCF

14: Alamo Bowl: Penn State vs Texas A&M-Penn State

December 30

15: Independence Bowl: Colorado vs Alabama-BAMA

December 31

16:Armed Forces Bowl: Air Force vs California-Air Force

17: Sun Bowl: South Florida vs Oregon-South Florida

18: Humanitarian: Georgia Tech vs Fresno State-Fresno St.

19: Gaylords Hotels Music City: Kentucky vs Florida State-FSU

20: Chick-fil-A: Auburn vs Clemson-Auburn

21: Insight: Indiana vs Oklahoma State-OK State

January 1

22: Outback: Wisconsin vs Tennessee-Tennessee

23:Cotton: Missouri vs Arkansas-Missouri

24:Gator: Virginia vs Texas Tech-Texas Tech

25:Capital One: Michigan vs Florida-Florida

26:Rose: USC vs Illinois-USC

27: Sugar: Hawaii vs Georgia-Hawaii

January 2

28: Fiesta: Oklahoma vs West Virginia-Oklahoma

January 3

29: Orange: Virginia Tech vs Kansas-Virginia Tech

January 5

30: International: Rutgers vs Ball State- Ball State

January 6

31: GMAC: Tulsa vs Bowling Green- Tulsa

January 7

32: BCS National Championship Game: Ohio State vs LSU- LSU

Oops

so apparently the early list of Mitchell Report names that was floating around these here internets was more of a wishlist than a reality list. some of the big names like Pujols, Varitek, and Bagwell were all left off the ACTUAL report, but still the big one remains Roger Clemens...to which i can only say, "No Shit!" a guy who is almost as old as my dad is not gonna dominate Major League Hitters unless he's on the serious juice. i was watching ESPN's round the clock coverage of the report yesterday and it was funny to see the likes of John Kruk tell people to hold judgement on this list of names. maybe that's because his old teammate Lenny Dykstra was on there. regardless, fuck Clemens. i always hated that douchebag anyways...if Bonds gets thrown in the fire then so should the Rocket. honestly i don't care if they get in the hall of fame or they don't. but if you let in Clemens or Bonds then you sure as shit better let in Pete Rose.

The Name Game

so at 2pm and Mitchell Report comes out and we get to boo hoo over our favorite players...or in my case, laugh my ass off at the misfortunes of others.

in celebration of these cheating douchebags being outed i have assembled my All Mitchell Report Team. (minus the obvious doucebags like McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, and Juan Gonzalez)

1b- Albert Pujols (i fucking love this one)
2b- Nomar Garciaparra
3b- Troy Glaus
ss- Miguel Tejada
cathcer- Ivan Rodriguez
outfield- Mike Cammeron
outfield- Johnny Damon (captain caveman was on the juice)
outfield- Carl Everett

starting rotation
pitcher- Roger Clemens
pitcher- Andy Petite
pitcher- Kerry Wood
pitcher- Mark Prior

closer- Eric Gagne

some other notable names that made me laugh my ass off in joy.
Jason Varitek, Catcher and Team Captain of the Redsox
Jeff Bagwell, Astros
John Rocker, former Braves closer and overall douchebag

some no shit names
Brady Anderson
Albert Belle
Mo Vaughn
Gary Sheffield

My Useless/Meaningless College Football Awards

I'm a big fan of best of the year lists. I'm also a fan of useless awards shows...well not the actual award shows themselves (those are painful and tedious) but the actual results of said award shows. and these days it seems like everyone and is throwing some kind of a pointless awards show that no one but the people nominated really give a shit about. and why should we here at A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS be left out? so here we are, ready to give out our own little blog awards for our favorite players and plays of the 2007 College Football Season. my apologies to fans of things that are fair and balanced as these awards are pretty heavy on the SEC because that's pretty much all i watched this year every single saturday from Noon to Midnight.

THE GOD DAMN YOU! AWARD- to your rival's best player who helped fuck your team's season up.

Knowshon Moreno- Runningback/Georgia, lead the Dawgs to big wins over Florida and Auburn. cranked dat souljaboy. wore a black jersey. pissed me off alot.


THE CHECKERS BURGER LINEMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD- best fat ass in college football who one day will be owning people in the NFL.

Andre Smith- Left Tackle/Alabama, was one of the loan bright spots for a snake bitten Bama O-line. will probably be a top 3 pick in the 2009 NFL draft. caught a touchdown pass in last season's bowl game against OK State. MB's favorite BAMA player since David Palmer.


THE HOLY SHIT! AWARD- best single performance by a player in one game.

Darren McFadden- Runningback/Arkansas, vs South Carolina on November 3rd, McFadden broke the SEC single game rushing record with 321 yards rushing against the Gamecocks. in a class move Steve Spurrier left McFadden off his Heisman ballot to return the favor.


MAN I WISH THAT GUY PLAYED FOR MY TEAM! The Player Of The Year

Tim Tebow- QB,Fullback,Linebacker,Machine/Florida, won the Heisman as a Sophomore, ended the argument that you must have a runningback to have a running game. broke the SEC rushing touchdown record as a motherfucking quarterback. loved Jesus and did the Gator chomp. cried when he lost to LSU. a freak of nature. brought football back to the 1920s while also sending it rocketing into the future. a man among boys. a beast.


EA SPORTS VIDEO GAME PLAYER OF THE YEAR- award for the best performance during my virtual college football season on NCAA Football 2008

Pat White- Quarterback, West Fucking Virginia, lead the virtual Mountaineers to an undefeated regular season and came up a game short to my Auburn Tigers in the BCS Championship. won the virtual Heisman trophy by rushing for 2,237 yards and 38 touchdowns and passing for another 2,511 yards and 34 touchdowns. rushed for over 400 yards 3 different times. scored 10 touchdowns against Louisville in a 98-7 route. returned a punt for a touchdown just for the fuck of it against UConn. was pretty much the best virtual athlete since Mike Vick on Madden 2004. total awesomeness.


AUBURN TIGERS PLAY OF THE YEAR

Auburn kicker Wes Byrum's game winning field goal against Florida in the swamp after already kicking a game winner on a timeout call. Chomp Chomp Motherfucker.


GAME OF THE YEAR (that i actually watched)

LSU vs Florida...aka the Jacob Hester game. if you didn't watch it then you missed a fucking war on the field. it was pretty obvious that the winner of that game was probably gonna end up winning the SEC and having a good shot at the national title. Tebow did everything he could but the Gators came up short thanks in part to LSU fullback, Jacob Hester and his many 4th down conversions. the Legend of Les Miles' balls began on this night.

Auburn is going Spread Eagle

lost is the shuffle of the Petrino bullshit is the fact that i am actually happy about something. Auburn offensive coordinator Al Borges resigned after 4 years of declining offensive output. Auburn finished 101st in the country in total offense and if you watched any of their games this season you knew that the D won every single fucking game that they played, minus Vanderbilt of course. i appreciate the fact that Borges was part of the magical 2004 season and helped turn Jason Campbell into an NFL level QB, but ever since then it's all been about the decline of the offense. hell, poor offensive play is what cost the team a possible shot at the national title last season and definitely lead to the losses to Mississippi State and South Florida this year.

his replacement is former Troy offensive coordinator, Tony Franklin, who will bring his pass happy spread attack to the Tigers. if Wilson can get the most out of the talented, yet young receivers and take advantage of an athletic QB like Kodi Burns and the loaded backfield of Tate, Fannin, Lester, and incoming freshman Enrique Davis then good things could be happening on the plains. hell the spread attack works for me on NCAA 2008, why not in reality? with any luck the offense will catch up with the stout defence and Auburn can win the SEC West next season. if anything they can't be as bad as they were this year.

PetriNooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so Bobby P decided he'd had enough coaching a worthless 3 win team who hated him and were more concerned with showing off their Free Mike Vick shirts during touchdown celebrations than they were of winning any football games. he's taken his playbook and his coaching skills to Arkansas and left the Falcons holding their dicks. honestly i could care less as a Falcons fan that Petrino decided to hang it up. Coaching in the SEC is a much better job than coaching one of the worst franchises in NFL history that's loaded with over payed players who are mostly brain dead losers anyways. all of that screaming and crying coming out of Atlanta is mostly just making me laugh. i love the idea of DeAngelo Hall calling some one's character into question. it smells of this funny little word irony that gets misused most of the time. whatever FUCK the Falcons! half the fans don't care anyways because they're all just holding out hope that Vick will be back someday to lead this team to 7-9 or 8-8 seasons, while the rest of us are left to curse the football gods for giving us such a soul crushing franchise to root for. i don't blame Petrino for getting out of town. all of this shit is still the fault of Rich McKay, Arthur Blanke, Jim Mora Jr., and of course Mike Vick. they created this mess and Petrino was smart enough to realize he needed to get the fuck out.

mostly all of this just pissed me off because the SEC West just got that much tougher. in a league that already had 8 of the 25 best coaches in the nation, now we've got another as well. I'm sure Petrino will have Arkansas winning 10 games and knocking off rivals soon enough, hell Houston Nutt was already doing that with the most basic offense in college football. also with the current situation at Auburn and this overwhelming since of dread that Tuberville is getting the fuck out of town as soon as the best situation possible presents itself, I'd kind of always saw Petrino as a nice backup plan. that's not to say that he couldn't be lured away from Arkansas in a few years (it's not like loyalty is the man's strongest suit) but still it's a situation that has become much more complicated. regardless Arkansas definitely ends up with a far better coach than they really deserve and in retrospect Petrino just made Nick Saban seem like a classy guy in comparison.

*i guess it goes without saying that Brian Brohm is NOT gonna be the next QB of the Falcons. i'm almost willing to bet that no player who ever was a member of any of Petrino's Louisville teams is gonna be wearing a Falcons' jersey anytime soon. i mean you know how this shit goes. your girlfriend dumps you for some asshole and you never speak to any of her friends ever again, except to maybe tell them that she's a fucking whore. right now i think it must really suck to be Chris Redman.

Adios Ron Mexico...it was nice playing as you on Madden

23 months = you will never play another game in the NFL again...probably. oh well, and so it goes for the greatest video game athlete of all time (behind Tecmo Bowl Bo Jackson...i mean it's not even fair to put him in the running). every time you lost to some jackass on Madden who was using the Atlanta Falcons you fully understood how fucking awesome Mike Vick truly could be. i guess you gotta worry about Vince Young now gamers.

Coming To Terms With My Man Crush On Tim Tebow

2007 was by and far the strangest year in college football. and not because App State beat Michigan. not because Kentucky was ranked in the top 10 during the season. not because South Florida was a brief national title contender. not because Mississippi State beat Auburn AND Alabama. not because Nick Saban got paid 4 million dollars to lose to the Warhawks. not because Nebraska can't play defense. not because Miami and Florida State both suck and don't look like they are getting better anytime soon. not because Notre Dame lost to EVERYONE. not because Georgia wore black uniforms. not because USC lost to Standford AT HOME. no no no. not because LSU lost twice and STILL got to play for a National Title. no. none of those things made this the weirdest season in college football history.

at the end of the day, the absolute weirdest thing of the year was that i found myself cheering for a Florida Gator. I (a lifelong hater of all things Gator) found myself rooting for Tim Tebow and spouting such things as "I'd trade Auburn's entire recruiting class for Tim Tebow" and "he's the best college player since Bo Jackson" and other sorts of nonsense. yeah it's sad but true but i fucking love Tim Tebow. and how can you not? dude is fucking AWESOME! he smashes through the d-line like they were made of paper. he's got the ugliest throw in all of football and yet he chunks the shit out of it. he's a sweet and humble kid who totally breaks the mold that all home schooled kids are retarded. in an alternate reality Tebow is playing for Alabama and Mike Shula still has a job and i still fucking love that weirdo Christian Beast of A QB. he's made the spread option/single wing/Fullback Playing QB the most exciting offense in football. right now there are kids who should be playing middle linebacker that are learning to throw a football so that they can be the next Tebow. and that fucking rules. he's changed the way you think about what has always been the most fragile position in all of football.

god bless Tim Tebow. maybe someday you'll be a Falcon and i can root for you without shame.

THE ALL SEC TEAM

2007 ALL-SEC FOOTBALL TEAM
(*-Ties / #-Unanimous Selection) (Coaches could not vote for their own players)

Pos. Name School Ht. Wt. Cl. Hometown
FIRST-TEAM ALL-SEC -- OFFENSE
TE Jacob Tamme Kentucky 6-5 240 Sr. Danville, Ky.
OL Robert Felton Arkansas 6-4 320 Sr. Houston, Texas
OL Andre Smith Alabama 6-4 348 So. Birmingham, Ala.
OL Anthony Parker Tennessee 6-3 305 Jr. Jonesboro, Ga.
OL *Herman Johnson LSU 6-7 356 Jr. Olla, La.
OL *Michael Oher Ole Miss 6-5 325 Jr. Memphis, Tenn.
OL *Chris Williams Vanderbilt 6-6 320 Sr. Glynn, La.
C Jonathan Luigs Arkansas 6-4 315 Jr. Little Rock, Ark.
WR Kenny McKinley South Carolina 6-0 177 Jr. Mableton, Ga.
WR Earl Bennett Vanderbilt 6-1 202 Jr. Birmingham, Ala.
QB Tim Tebow Florida 6-3 235 So. Jacksonville, Fla.
RB # Darren McFadden Arkansas 6-2 215 Jr. Little Rock, Ark.
RB Knowshon Moreno Georgia 5-11 207 Fr. Belford, N.J.

SECOND-TEAM ALL-SEC -- OFFENSE
TE Cornelius Ingram Florida 6-4 230 Jr. Hawthorne, Fla.
OL Carlton Medder Florida 6-5 319 Sr. Clermont, Fla.
OL Michael Brown Mississippi State 6-5 300 Jr. College Park, Ga.
OL *Ciron Black LSU 6-5 320 So. Tyler, Texas
OL *Antoine Caldwell Alabama 6-4 288 Jr. Montgomery, Ala.
OL *Nate Garner Arkansas 6-7 318 Sr. Roland, Ark.
OL *Mitch Petrus Arkansas 6-4 300 Jr. Carlisle, Ark.
OL *Jim Tartt Florida 6-3 316 Jr. Sopchoppy, Fla.
OL *Garry Williams Kentucky 6-4 325 Jr. Louisville, Ky.
C Fernando Velasco Georgia 6-4 318 Sr. Wrens, Ga.
WR Percy Harvin Florida 5-11 187 So. Virginia Beach, Va.
WR DJ Hall Alabama 6-3 186 Sr. Ft. Walton Beach, Fla.
QB Andre' Woodson Kentucky 6-5 230 Sr. Radcliff, Ky.
RB Felix Jones Arkansas 6-0 207 Jr. Tulsa, Okla.
RB Jacob Hester LSU 6-0 228 Sr. Shreveport, La.

FIRST-TEAM ALL-SEC -- DEFENSE
DL # Glenn Dorsey LSU 6-2 303 Sr. Gonzales, La.
DL Wallace Gilberry Alabama 6-4 264 Sr. Bay Minette, Ala.
DL *Quentin Groves Auburn 6-3 254 Sr. Greenville, Miss.
DL *Greg Hardy Ole Miss 6-5 255 So. Millington, Tenn.
DL *Eric Norwood South Carolina 6-0 258 So. Acworth, Ga.
LB # Ali Highsmith LSU 6-1 225 Sr. Miami, Fla.
LB # Wesley Woodyard Kentucky 6-1 212 Sr. LaGrange, Ga.
LB Jerod Mayo Tennessee 6-2 230 Jr. Hampton, Va.
LB Brandon Spikes Florida 6-3 243 So. Shelby, N.C.
DB # Craig Steltz LSU 6-2 209 Sr. New Orleans, La.
DB Chevis Jackson LSU 6-0 184 Sr. Mobile, Ala.
DB * Simeon Castille Alabama 6-1 189 Sr. Birmingham, Ala.
DB * Rashad Johnson Alabama 6-0 186 Jr. Sulligent, Ala.
DB * Jonathan Hefney Tennessee 5-9 185 Sr. Rock Hill, S.C.
DB * Captain Munnerlyn South Carolina 5-9 180 So. Mobile, Ala.

SECOND-TEAM ALL-SEC -- DEFENSE
DL Titus Brown Mississippi State 6-3 250 Sr. Tuscaloosa, Ala.
DL Derrick Harvey Florida 6-4 262 Jr. Greenbelt, Md.
DL Jeremy Jarmon Kentucky 6-3 268 So. Collierville, Tenn.
LB Jonathan Goff Vanderbilt 6-4 235 Sr. Lynn, Mass.
LB Rico McCoy Tennessee 6-1 215 So. Washington, D.C.
LB Darry Beckwith LSU 6-1 230 Jr. Baton Rouge, La.
LB *Jamar Chaney Mississippi State 6-1 236 Jr. Fort Pierce, Fla.
LB *Dannell Ellerbe Georgia 6-1 232 Jr. Hamlet, N.C.
DB D.J. Moore Vanderbilt 5-10 180 So. Spartanburg, S.C.
DB Emanuel Cook South Carolina 5-11 211 So. Riviera Beach, Fla.
DB Michael Grant Arkansas 5-11 186 Sr. Stone Mountain, Ga.
DB *Eric Berry Tennessee 5-11 195 Fr. Fairburn, Ga.
DB *Derek Pegues Mississippi State 5-10 196 Jr. Batesville, Miss.

FIRST-TEAM ALL-SEC -- SPECIAL TEAMS
PK Colt David LSU 5-9 173 Jr. Grapevine, Texas
P Patrick Fisher LSU 6-5 238 Sr. Hyattsville, Md.
RS Felix Jones Arkansas 6-0 207 Jr. Tulsa, Okla.

SECOND-TEAM ALL-SEC -- SPECIAL TEAMS
PK Daniel Lincoln Tennessee 6-0 204 Fr. Ocala, Fla.
P *Britton Colquitt Tennessee 6-3 205 Jr. Knoxville, Tenn.
P *Ryan Shoemaker Auburn 6-0 188 Fr. Birmingham, Ala.
RS Brandon James Florida 5-6 181 So. St. Augustine, Fla.

Who Got Them Heismans? (The Final Battle)

who gonna crank dat' Heisman? it's on bitches. the season be over but the shit talking is at an all time high. here are the big 3 that get to battle it out for the world's biggest paperweight.

-Tim Tebow, QB/Florida- had video game like numbers, running and throwing. made even the best SEC defences (except Auburn) look silly. the most dominate player in the SEC since Bo. already a legend. probably will be an awesome fullback in the NFL. June Jones thinks he's overrated and that he couldn't run Hawaii's offense.

-Colt Brennan, QB/Hawaii- threw for about a million touchdowns. out Ty Detmered Ty Detmer. went undefeated. Junes Jones says he's the best player in College Football. everyone else cries that he's a system QB in a weak conference. but hey aren't they all just system quarterbacks? the dude deserves to go to New York at the very least.

-Darren McFadden, RB/Arkansas- Arkansas born and bread boys. has a sweet ride. brings wood to games. the best running back in the SEC in 20 years. a threat to run and pass. beat LSU (not that it ended up mattering). will dominate in the NFL unlike these other guys. the future. if there was justice in the world then they'd build a statue of him in Arkansas and pray to it daily. GIVE THIS MAN HIS FUCKING HEISMAN!

if they let me vote this is what my top 5 would look like.

1. Darren McFadden, Arkansas
2. Tim Tebow, Florida
3. Colt Brennan, Hawaii
4. Dennis Dixon, Oregon
5. Pat White, West Virginia

THE NFLs Week 13 (Fuck The Patriots)

-seriously, i hate those guys. watching the game last night, it was just oh so obvious that no matter what the Ravens did, the Patriots were still gonna win. and on the final drive the Ravens stopped them 3 times on 4th down but all were negated by either penalties or poorly called timeouts. The game was about as predictable as an episode of Heroes and more and more i am accepting the fact that NOONE is gonna beat New England. someone needs to pull a Dresden on the city of Boston. fucking Massholes.
-if the Cowboys beat the Packers and noone watches, does it really happen?
-Vince Young can throw the ball, apparently. don't hate. the man just wins. he's dumb as a rock but awesome as hell. fuck the Madden curse.
-The Colts decide to show up and beat the Jags. hurry back Marvin. Peyton and The Thug Apologists need you.
-Chargers win. they still suck. the AFC West is possibly worse than the NFC south.
-The Saints pulled one of the biggest choke jobs of the season with a stupid reverse play while trying to run out the clock. last time i checked pounding it up the middle was the best option in that situation. but then again i'm not an offensive genius like Sean Payton. also it's about time to come to terms with the fact that Reggie Bush is not an elite runningback. he's just a really good running back who was really fast in college. Peterson is miles ahead of him.
-Falcons still suck...please don't draft a QB. do everything you can and trade everything you've got to get McFadden. PLEASE!!!!!!
-so much for the Dolphins being able to beat a team. The Jets just destroyed them. 0-16 is real and it's happening.
-what isn't happening is Detriot winning 10 games. god has forsaken you John Kitna.
-that's okay though, cuz Purple Jesus IS going to the playoffs and he's taking my fantasy team with him to a championship. I HEART PURPLE JESUS.
-in the battle of teams that are never good, but suddenly got respectable, the Cardinals took out Cleveland (thanks to that shitty no touchdown call). i hope both of these teams make the playoffs...if only because their fans have suffered so much.
-Grossman and Eli try to outsuck each other. Eli wins. i hate the Giants.
-The Raiders win. i'm gonna bust out my Bo Jackson jersey and root hard for them, starting next season. Black and Silver will be all the rage in 08. i'm calling it now.

What's Your Fantasy? (What Would Purple Jesus Do?)

Adrian Peterson returned...just in time to save my fantasy team from sure defeat. his 17 points were the highest totals from and otherwise shitty team effort. gotta love that Purple Jesus. when me and MB win this fucking league we are taking our winnings to the titty bar and asking a stripper to wear a Vikings' Peterson jersey while giving us a victory dance. of course this will never actually happen, but a Thug must dream of a better life in these trying times. 10-3 bitch. that's how we do.

CRY ME A RIVER

this one goes out to the Georgia Bulldogs, USC Trojans, and Oklahoma Sooners. it's okay baby, i know it's not fair.



while watching the BCS selection show last night i found myself laughing as the Herbie-bot kept telling everyone how the BCS "got it right". which is all well and fine if you are an LSU or Ohio State fan. but honestly it's kinda laughable to ever say that a completely fucked up and useless system being controlled partially by computers and partially by humanoid coaches who never watch any college football, except film of teams they play, can ever get anything right...much less a game that decides the national champion of college football. will this be the season that finally gets us a playoff? probably not, but it's definitely a step in the right direction. USC and Oklahoma get to feel the burn that kept Auburn out of the BCS championship in 04. Georgia gets to learn what it's like to be Michigan last year. it's hard to feel bad for any of these teams, Oklahoma lost to a lousy Colorado team and Texas Tech. USC lost to a terrible Standford team. Georgia got beat by a South Carolina team that ended up being 6-6 and got blown the fuck out by Tennessee. how can you really argue that any of those schools are worthy of being #1 or #2?

i say fuck it and let Hawaii play for the national title this year, because noone is going to accept the winner of the LSU and Ohio State game as the legit title holder except for fans of those schools and robots. or better yet, let's just award the 2004 Auburn Tigers this year's National Title and make me happy.

The Most Useless Of All Blogpolls Week 14

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 14 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Ohio State
3. USC
4. Georgia
5. Oklahoma
6. Virginia Tech
7. Missouri
8. Kansas
9. Florida
10. Hawaii
11. West Fucking Virginia
12. Arizona State
13. Illinois
14. Boston College
15. Clemson
16. Tennessee
17. BYU
18. Wisconsin
19. Auburn
20. Virginia
21. Texas
22. Arkansas
23. Boise State
24. Cincinnati
25. South Florida

-so the final weekend of the season ends in disaster (again) and we get the total clusterfuck of a national title between LSU (best team in the best conference) vs Ohio State (best team, that the media always has a hard on for, with only one loss). normally i'd go ahead and say this is gonna be a total blowout and Ohio State will have visions of last year's ass whipping running through their heads...but the way LSU plays down to every one of their opponents + the craziest season in college football history = who fucking knows? i'm half expecting LSU the beat OSU in a low scoring and boring as hell game and then for USC to destroy Illinois in the Rose Bowl and end up splitting the national title with LSU AGAIN. a fact that the media will largely ignore when sucking off Pete Carrol for the next few seasons and talking about USC's 3 national titles in 5 years....blah fucking blah. fuck this season, when does next year start?