more Lulz

ROID SOX (that's just too easy)

sometimes a story just brightens your day.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whatever, i know everyone was cheating in the last 15 years or whatever...probably some of the Braves too (i'm looking at your David Justice and Gary Sheffield), but having the 2 players most responsible for the Red Sox rise to power linked to positive tests all the way back in 03 BEFORE they ever won a title....well when you are as obnoxious as the Red Sox fans are you kind of deserve this news. also don't forget Johnny Damon has seen his name whispered as being an x-roider too. the only thing that could make this any sweeter is if they found out that douchebag Curt Schilling was on the juice.

Manny & A.Rod R Cheatin' Douchebags, Just LIke Everybody Else

Manny is getting a 50 game suspension for failing a drugtest. excuse me for a second...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!

so do you still consider him the greatest right handed hitter of all time, Northeastern Sportwriters?


fuck baseball.

at this rate noone is ever gonna get into the hall of fame ever again.

MY 1000th POST!!!

who says i can't stick with anything?

sadly i've got nothing to write about today...i mean i'm glad the Hawks won the other night, but i don't actually believe they are gonna win this series...and as for the Braves, well they are part of the logjam of mediocrity that is the NL East. i've said plenty about the Falcons lately and Auburn is in the middle of their Limo Ride Recruiting Hunt 2009 and i've already said my peace on that as well. yeah we are about to hit a dead period and my brain is all out of thoughts today...so i'm gonna be lazy and recycle (for the earth).

so for my 1000th post i decided to just repost something i wrote when i first started this blog back in 2007. WHY CAPTAIN AMERICA IS TO BLAME FOR STEROID USE IN SPORTS.




in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a asterisk should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.

my thoughts on the whole A Rod/ Steroids thing

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Oh baseball. You stupid old whore. It's all over, like Alternative rock and American supremacy. Fuck it dude, we've got football, so who gives a shit?

That being said...keep the government away from the damn NFL and you fucking do-gooder self righteous sportswriters need to keep your noses out of what goes on in the "real" American sport. Baseball has fucked itself beyond repair, don't ruin football for us too. Do I think the NFL is full of HGH abusing freaks? Yell yes. But ya know what, I DON'T FUCKING CARE!

My favorite irony in all of this is the fact that The Texas Rangers are the ground zero of the steroid era with Canseco, Sosa, Palmeiro, Juan Gonzalez. Pudge Rodriguez, & A Rod all having their names linked to 'roids. Hey, remind me which former US President used to be part owner of that same team and got this whole steroid witch hunt started in the first place. I mean I know he couldn't ever find any WMDs but you'd think he might've been able to figure out half his team was on the juice back in the 90s.

Jose Canseco really needs to write a new book called "Hey Major League Baseball, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes".

My 300th Post...

...is actually something i posted when i first started this site and posted on my other blog as well. but i like it, so i am posting it again.


in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a astrick should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.

Oops

so apparently the early list of Mitchell Report names that was floating around these here internets was more of a wishlist than a reality list. some of the big names like Pujols, Varitek, and Bagwell were all left off the ACTUAL report, but still the big one remains Roger Clemens...to which i can only say, "No Shit!" a guy who is almost as old as my dad is not gonna dominate Major League Hitters unless he's on the serious juice. i was watching ESPN's round the clock coverage of the report yesterday and it was funny to see the likes of John Kruk tell people to hold judgement on this list of names. maybe that's because his old teammate Lenny Dykstra was on there. regardless, fuck Clemens. i always hated that douchebag anyways...if Bonds gets thrown in the fire then so should the Rocket. honestly i don't care if they get in the hall of fame or they don't. but if you let in Clemens or Bonds then you sure as shit better let in Pete Rose.

The Name Game

so at 2pm and Mitchell Report comes out and we get to boo hoo over our favorite players...or in my case, laugh my ass off at the misfortunes of others.

in celebration of these cheating douchebags being outed i have assembled my All Mitchell Report Team. (minus the obvious doucebags like McGwire, Sosa, Bonds, and Juan Gonzalez)

1b- Albert Pujols (i fucking love this one)
2b- Nomar Garciaparra
3b- Troy Glaus
ss- Miguel Tejada
cathcer- Ivan Rodriguez
outfield- Mike Cammeron
outfield- Johnny Damon (captain caveman was on the juice)
outfield- Carl Everett

starting rotation
pitcher- Roger Clemens
pitcher- Andy Petite
pitcher- Kerry Wood
pitcher- Mark Prior

closer- Eric Gagne

some other notable names that made me laugh my ass off in joy.
Jason Varitek, Catcher and Team Captain of the Redsox
Jeff Bagwell, Astros
John Rocker, former Braves closer and overall douchebag

some no shit names
Brady Anderson
Albert Belle
Mo Vaughn
Gary Sheffield

All Time Home Run Record My Ass

Blah Blah Blah, Barry Bonds hit number 756 last night...at this point i'm over it and just glad it's done with. but let's go ahead and call it like it is, Barry Bonds is NOT the All Time Home Run Champ...not until he passes Sadaharu Oh, whose 868 career blasts dwarf Bonds puny 756. here's a little background on Oh that i copied from the 500hrc.com

"The greatest Japanese baseball player of all-time, Sadaharu Oh compiled a .301 lifetime average while setting records for home runs (868) and RBIs 1,967 and winning two consecutive triple crowns in 1973 and 1974. In 22 seasons, from 1959-80, he was a nine-time Most Valuable Player. Oh also holds the Japanese single-season home run record (55 in 1964).

Oh was famous for the unique batting stance, which was designed for him by Tokyo Giants’ hitting coach Hiroshi Arakawa in 1962. The Giants' hitting coach, Arakawa was also a swordsman of some repute. He taught Oh to hit using principles applied by swordsmen. It involved Oh raising his leg toward the plate but required tremendous practice and discipline to perfect.



Don’t forget that Japanese pitchers of Oh’s time didn’t throw as hard as U.S. major leaguers. That means Oh was generating more of his own power to propel the balls that far than he would have to against major league pitching.

Oh wasn’t blooping fly balls over short fences, either. 191 of Oh’s homers were hit 394 feet or more, which would have put them out over the fence in straightaway right in almost every major league park of Oh’s time, much less down the right field line. Another 286 were hit 361-393 feet, which means many to straightaway right would have gone out, and virtually all down the right field line would have been out of every major league park. Another 289 would have gone out of most major league parks if they had been pulled to the right field corner (361-393 feet). Only 102 were less than 328 feet, and even a few of those would have gone out down the right field line in some major league parks, like Yankee Stadium.

The dispute waged over what kind of success Oh would have had in the United States, but major leaguers who toured Japan for exhibition games in the '60s and '70s felt he would certainly have been a major star in the US, despite pitching that was likely much better here.

Oh ended his career with 868 homers in 22 seasons. Unlike Aaron, he became a big league manager, taking over his former team, the Giants when the 1980 season began. He continues to be one of the most influential and popular figures in Japanese baseball. In 2006 Oh solidified his legendary status by leading his Japanese national team to the first ever championship in The World Baseball Classic."

MOTHERFUCKER learned to hit homeruns from a Samurai! how fucking cool is that? So Barry you can have Hank's record...tainted or not you can't take enough fucking 'roids to pass a little Samurai trained homerun hitting machine like Oh.

Big Soulless Machine vs the Man Whose Head Expanded

so everyone and their mom is talking about the game fixing ref scandal and the NBA...but we here at A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS don't give a fuck about the NBA cuz the closest pro team to us is the Hawks and 'Nique has been gone for a long ass time. so instead i choose to talk about Barry Bonds and his quest to pass ole' Braves Legend Hank Aaron. Barry needs two more and low and behold it's the Atlanta Braves who have come to town to possibly serve up the record homer. now i'm not a betting man so i won't make any wagers but i'd be shocked if the Braves throw him a single hitable ball during the entire series. now everyone knows Barry is gonna break the record, and frankly i don't even care anymore. ESPN has beat me over the head with every possible angle of this story for so many years that i almost want to root for Barry just to see if it will make Pedro Gomez head explode. i mean everyone screams racism all the time when it comes to a media bias...but the way ESPN has a hardon for Black Athletes in Trouble (thinking about trade marking that and turning it into a series of childrens books) is kinda ridiculous. how many pieces do i really need to see on Pac Man Jones? how much hate do i need to feel for Barry? how many times do i have to hear about what T.O. did or didn't do in practice? fuck it. you are turning into Hard Copy. i just wanna see some highlights. anyways like i said i don't even give a shit if Barry breaks the fucking record, i just really don't want to see it happen to the Braves...i think i'd probably puke in my mouth from all the lame coverage it'll get.

now that Captain America is dead it's time to talk about the Truth

in the growing age of controversey over athletes using performance enhancing drugs i think that it's time to stop the witch hunt and start looking at the source of this whole problem. it's time that we faced up to the fact that Captain America is the one to blame. i know that may not be a popular stance to take, especially in a time of war when many Americans feel the need to cling to symbols of freedom, honor, and the American Way...but facts are facts. Captain America is the original 'roider.

a brief history lesson for people who weren't nerds in middle school or are just unaware of popular culture: Captain America started off as a pretty normal guy. During World War II, a young Steve Rogers tried to enlist into the military, but was turned away due to his frail and sickly body. Steve Rogers was given another chance to serve his country though, as a General overheard his rejection and offered him a chance to fight the Nazis by being a part of a top-secret experiment. Steve agreed. He was given a super-solider serum and was blasted by radiation. After the process, Steves body was no longer sickly and frail but the pinnacle of human perfection. (in other words they gave the motherfucker steroids) Granted it was to fight the Nazis not crush 450 foot homers, but still he was running around kicking Nazi ass with some shrunken balls. and the US Government was totally complicit in the whole thing.

Flash forward to kids growing up in the 60s, 70's, and 80s with dreams of being heroes on the baseball diamond and so they start taking their own super serum. So yeah, basically Stan Lee and Marvel comics owe the fans of Major League baseball a big apology. Captain America needs to start running a disclaimer on the cover of every issue and a astrick should be attached to all back issues that are ever reprinted. and the media needs to get off the backs of all the guys who were just doing what America's greatest superhero has been doing for the past 65 years...except for Barry Bonds. fuck that guy.