What We Need Right Now Is Some Good Old Fashioned Revenge

take it away Black Flag,

seriously after you lose to Vanderbilt the least thing Auburn can do is bother to score some points and kick Bobby Petrino's fucking ass. as a Falcons fan, as an Auburn fan, as a person who has tickets to the Auburn vs. Arkansas game this Saturday...please please please KICK THAT BACKSTABBING, TEAM DITCHING, DOUCHEBAG MOTHERFUCKER'S ASS. you can lose to Ole Miss by 50 for all i care, just destroy the Razorbacks and i'll be happy. unfortunately the way our offense is sucking it doesn't seem all that likely and so we'll have to put this one on Clint Durst and the PUNT FOR VICTORY team and our very banged up defense.

College Football Pick Em: Week 7

THURSDAY OCTOBER 9
1:CLEMSON @ WAKE FOREST- Wake
FRIDAY OCTOBER 10
2:LOUISVILLE @ MEMPHIS- L'Ville

SATURDAY OCTOBER 11
3: TEXAS @ OKLAHOMA- Oklahoma
4:UCLA @ OREGON- Oregon
5:TOLEDO @ MICHIGAN- Michigan
6:EAST CAROLINA @ VIRGINIA- ECU
7:MINNESOTA @ ILLINOIS- Illinois
8:COLORADO @ KANSAS- Colorado
9:SOUTH CAROLINA @ KENTUCKY- Kentucky
10: EASTERN MICHIGAN @ ARMY- Eastern Michigan
11:KANSAS STATE @ TEXAS A&M- K State
12:VANDERBILT @ MISSISSIPPI STATE- Vandy!!!!
13:NEBRASKA @ TEXAS TECH- Texas Tech
14:ARIZONA ST @ USC- USC
15:TENNESSEE@UGA- UGA
16:PURDUE @ OHIO STATE- OSU
17:NOTRE DAME @ NORTH CAROLINA- UNC
18:MICHIGAN STATE @ NORTHWESTERN- Mich State
19:CENTRAL FLORIDA @ MIAMI- Miami
21:ARKANSAS @ AUBURN- Auburn (i still believe!!!!)
22:ARIZONA @ STANFORD- Arizona
23:OKLAHOMA STATE @ MISSOURI- Mizzou
24:LSU @ FLORIDA- LSU
25:PENN STATE @ WISCONSIN- Penn State
TIEBREAKERS (TOTAL POINTS)
a)LSU @ FLORIDA 60pts
B)TEXAS @ OKLAHOMA 80pts
C) TENNESSEE @ UGA 45pts

I Hope Auburn Is Recruiting These Kids

i was so excited about my wishbone option youth football discovery that i decided to post another one.

holy shit, that little QB rules.

Can We Just Run The Wishbone For the Rest Of the Year...just for the fuck of it?

ah Spread Offenses...the wave of the future in college football. they are totally awesome. you can score shit tons of points and it's super exciting! yeah, not so much. i guess it helps when you have a QB like Chase Daniel and wideouts like Percy Harvin and Jeremy Maclin. but if you are say Auburn, and have a noodle armed JC transfer and a young athletic kid who can't hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat trying to run the damn thing it sort of looks more like this:

and so here we are. the season is halfway through and we have no fucking offense to speak of and an injured and overworked defense just trying to keep the pieces together as everything collapses around us. and so what do we do now? most people wanna see Auburn fire Tony Franklin and go back to the power I formation. that still won't solve the biggest problem of all though...we don't have any fucking QBs. and so i am calling for a much stupider and crazier change. let's just run the wishbone for the rest of the year. it'll be like 1981 all over again. we can stick Kodi Burns in at QB and line up Ben Tate, Mario Fannin, and Brad Lester all in the backfield at the same time. IT'LL BE AWESOME. or a total trainwreck...which is far more likely. but hell, the triple option is working pretty damn well for Georgia Tech...might as well give it a shot for the Tigers. granted noone on our staff probably knows how to run it and all our recruits might just decide to decommit all at once and the earth may stop spinning and we might all be sucked into a blackhole...but it's worth the risk, if only because it'd be more fun to watch than the current bullshit going on right now on the Plains.

for awesome video proof at how unstoppable we would be just check this out


lost in the shuffle of anger and crying is how awesome Ben Tate played on Saturday. it's no doubt in my mind that he has become the heart and soul of this Auburn team and whatever gets to ball in his hands as much as possible is the offense that we should be running.

The Falcons Won Again?

The Falcons beat The Packers at Greenbay? yes. really? yes.
The Falcons have the top rushing attack in football? yep.
Roddy White has turned into an elite NFL receiver? well elite might be a little strong, but yeah...he's pretty fucking good.
Fucknuts McWhitey doesn't totally suck at football? nope, Matt Ryan actually looks like a for real NFL qb with a damn good arm who runs a no huddle offense pretty well.

the world has gone crazy.

VANDY FOREVER ROLLS ON

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25, week 6

1. VANDERBILT FOREVER!!!!!
2. Oklahoma
3. LSU
4. Texas
5. Alabama
6. Missouri
7. Texas Tech
8. Penn State
9. USC
10. BYU
11. Georgia
12. Ohio State
13. Florida
14. Utah
15. Boise State
16. Kansas
17. Virginia Tech
18. Oklahoma State
19. South Florida
20. Georgia Tech
21. North Carolina
22. Michigan State
23. California
24. Northwestern
25. Ball State

Where's the reset button on this game?

while Auburn fans sit around and gather their torches to go run Tony Franklin out of town they might wanna read this article first. that being said, where's firetonyfranklin.com?

NERDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck what the hell was wrong with running the ball with ben tate? fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate college football! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck goddamnit!!!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! fucking nerds! fucking fucking fucking motherfucker shit goddamn spread offense go fuck yourself tony franklin. fuck! fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK MOTHERFUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God Damn, These Morning Games Suck

Baylor and my boy Robert Griffin (if you don't know you better youtube somebody) is getting destroyed by Oklahoma. Tebow and Florida are just sleep walking to victory against Arkansas. The ACC morning game features NC State and Boston College and i'd honestly rather watch golf than those two teams play. and then the rest is Big 10 football and there's no need to tell you how i feel about that.

luckily i went out the other day and purchased the single greatest book written since WAR AND PEACE. Jeff Pearlman's masterpiece BOYS WILL BE BOYS: The Glory Days and Party Nights Of The Dallas Cowboys Dynasty. truly only Motley Crue's Dirt comes close to the awesomness of this piece of literary gold. key words: cocaine, masturbation, orgies, ego, football, grown men crying, stabbing motherfuckers in the neck with scissors, pussy, cocaine orgies, the white house, America's team. if you ever read the Led Zeppelin book Hammer of the Gods or Motely Crue's Dirt and thought only rock stars could be that fucking insane then you should probably check this book out and get your learn on. reading these tales of debauchery make me weep that i had not been born a little bit earlier and with 4.4 speed and the strength of a bull on steroids. this book is magical. i highly recommend.

TV Party: Week 6, Rooting For Auburn Is A Thankless Task but At Least I'm Not A Cubs Fan

someone mentioned something to be about baseball playoffs being on. who knew?

The Bobby Petrino: "Getting My Ass Kicked Across The SEC as payback for all those Falcons fans i fucked over Tour" rolls on.
Florida at Arkansas, 12:30pm on MYATL TV

Raycom sports sure love them some motherfucking Tebow. this is the 3rd time Florida has been the early morning SEC game in 6 weeks. anyways, i fully expect an epic ass pounding to be handed out to the Hawgs by Timmy and Urban Meyer and crew.

Roll Unreasonable Expectations, Roll
Kentucky at Alabama, 3:30pm on CBS

The Tide make their CBS debut against the Wildcats at home coming off the total destruction of UGA last weekend. more than likely this will be another Alabama blow out and the hype machine really gets rolling and national title talk starts up...but i wouldn't sleep on Kentucky. they've got a good defense and no expectations. they knocked off LSU last year, it wouldn't surprise me at all if they gave Bama a real scare.

CAN YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT COLLEGE GAMEDAY IS AT VANDERBILT?
Auburn at Vanderbilt, 6pm on ESPN

holy shit! Vandy is Ranked! and Duke is having a great year too...it's Revenge of the Nerds for real. if Auburn loses this game then they are dead to me.

I'd Much Rather Watch USC and Oregon and yet for some reason I get a Big 10 Matchup instead.
Ohio State at Wisconsin, 8pm on ABC

why is it that in the South we are force fed a heavy dose of Big 10 football on ABC? don't you think most people would rather watch Big 12 or Pac 10 football? i don't know, i'm just asking.

Suicide Watch (2008): Week 6

The Auburn PUNT FOR VICTORY TOUR 2008 rolls on this week finding itself in Nashville for an unexpected clash with a Vandy team ranked in the top 25.

"VANDERBILT IN THE TOP 25?!?!?! what trickery is this?" you may be asking yourself. but no it's for real. Vanderbilt is ranked. undefeated. sitting in 1st place in the SEC East with 2 wins in the conference over South Carolina and Ole Miss, on the flip side Tennessee is in the last place with an 0-2 SEC record....truly we have slipped into Bizzaro World!!!

being ranked for the first time since Reagan was president is surely something for the Commodore fans to be excited about and Bobby Johnson has done miracles since taking over that program turning Vandy from that guaranteed win on the schedule into a scary team that WILL beat you if you sleep on them (just ask Georgia, Tennessee, and South Carolina). but still even with Auburn punting their way towards victory for most of this season and relying heavily on an overworked defense, it's still impossible to truly take Vanderbilt as seriously as i should. i mean they are Vandy. sure i watched Revenge Of the Nerds as a kid. i know what can happen. but i just gotta believe those Ogres on defense aren't gonna let Chris Nickson and company ride that wave of respect much longer than this Saturday at kickoff.

2008 Vanderbilt reminds me a lot of 2007 Mississippi State, as in they aren't actually as good as their record would indicate and instead are getting really lucky and winning on turnovers....of course i know nothing about college football as can be proven by my shitty ability to pick games in Kenniebloggins' college football pick em.

Vanderbilt's offense is mainly built around Chris Nickson and his ability to make plays with his feet. they've also got a halfway descent runningback in Jared Hawkins. the real stars on this team though are the defensive backs. DJ Moore and Myron Lewis are one of the best pairs of corners in the SEC and Reshard Langford is a play making safety that can take a pick to the house if given the opportunity. this is the biggest factor that could lead to a huge upset win for the 'Dores if rainbow tossing Chris Todd is back there tossing his wounded ducks. and so it seems like the simplest way for Auburn to win this game is to do that thing Auburn is always best at. RUN RUN RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL!!!!! like every damn play plus some more. Kodi Burns running the option. Brad Lester, Ben Tate, and Tristan Davis running behind a run blocking offensive line and using big boy freshman Eric Smith as a lead blocker. putting Mario Fannin in the WILD WAR EAGLE WHAT THE HELL EVER formation and giving him lots of direct snaps. whatever it takes to just pound the ball down Vandy's throat and remind them what Auburn football is.

oh to dream.

likely it's gonna be more of this mish-mash bullshit of an offense fucking puntathon...FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! which will result in about 14 points and a lot of headaches. but luckily Auburn's defense is still Auburn's defense and as much love as i have been giving Vanderbilt here on my blog...they're still Vanderbilt. so yeah, 14-3 sounds about right for this one. maybe the defense gets another score for itself and we might see the Tigers topping out at 21. OH JOY!!!! Spread Eagle is GO!!! whatever. i hate college football.

potential for tragedy: 5, fuck you. i don't care how bad Auburn's offense is. we are not losing to Vanderbilt. goddamnit! we better not lose...oh god, please don't let us lose.

method of suicide: Harakiri, take that sword and slice that belly open. you have caused yourself horrible shame...a Samurai's death is the only way to get back your honor.

Why You Gotta Ruin My College Football With All This Political Shit?

this really comes as no big shock to me as i have been living in the South my entire adult life, but i think i may be one of about 25 SEC football fans that are actually gonna vote for Obama. the amount of venom being directed at Barack on all my favorite college football blogs is more bitter and hateful than even an Auburn vs. Alabama post.

honestly i could care less who you are voting for. it's not relevant to me when i'm talking about football. we can just agree to disagree and move on from there. just get your damn bitter political rants outta my college football posts douchebags.

Auburn's Sen'Derrick Marks Ranks #5 on Rivals' List of top Underclassmen

It's never to early to start thinking about the NFL Draft...especially if you are in the state of Missouri (poor Rams and Chiefs fans). next year's draft looks like it's gonna be dominated by Juniors and Red-Shirt Sophomores, which isn't all that surprising as 2006 was one of the most talented freshman classes in the history of college football. also not that surprising it that the SEC dominates the list of quality underclassmen with 4 of the top 5 and 13 of the top 30. Georgia's dynamic backfield of Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno come in at 1 and 3. Alabama's all-everything offensive Tackle, Andre Smith, is rated as the number 2 prospect and Auburn's Sen'Derrick Marks is rated at number 5. here's a full list of Rivals.com's top 30 underclassmen.

it should be noted that there are no guarantees about any of of these kids actually declaring for the draft...but you so fucking no that Knowshon and Stafford are gonna be making that run for the NFL as soon as the clock runs out on Georgia's season this year and as an Auburn fan i couldn't be happier.

Murfreesboro Rocks A Blackout Better Than Athens

i spent much of last night's Florida Atlantic vs. Middle Tennessee asking the questions,
why the fuck is this game on TV?
is Middle Tennessee's mascot a fucking Unicorn?
why would anyone ever live in Murfreesboro?
when is all this blackout madness going to stop?
and why the hell am i watching this bullshit anyways?

only to be rewarded with this golden nugget of joy at the end of the game:


god i love college football.

"The Spread is dead, baby. The Spread is dead."

well so much for that. Coach Tubs pulled the plug on the Tony Franklin System just 5 games into it's first season. hopefully this will also mean Chris Todd can take up a nice little seat on the bench and we can get a healthy does of Kodi Burns running around and making plays and Mario Fannin in the newly ripped off War Eagle formation (aka the Wild Cat/ Wild Hawg/ Wild Rebel/ etc....). as an Auburn fan it's kind of disappointing to see the Tigers just completely abandon their new offense this early on, but i mean...the shit wasn't working, and now they'll be running an offense called "Let's score Fucking Points". oh well, my Auburn PUNT FOR VICTORY shirts will just have to wait.

i'll assume from here on out we'll see a healthy dose of the QB under center and the run game taking over as the feature of the offense instead of the wonders of the 4 yard passing route. obviously this gives Auburn a lot better chance of winning games THIS SEASON...but what about the future? i wouldn't at all be surprised if Tony Franklin isn't already looking for work elsewhere since it's pretty obvious the CTT isn't gonna let him have full control of this offense. and what will this mean for Auburn's recruiting class? if The Spread Eagle isn't the future at Auburn then it's likely that Ray Cotton is probably gonna be looking for another school where he can show off his talents. same thing can be said for the smaller quicker wide receivers and running backs that are a large percentage of next year's class. maybe i'm just jumping the gun and expecting the worst...but it seems like a good possibility.

Thug Apologists Welcome Matt Jones to the Fold

Eazy E is proud to announce that he has landed a new customer....errrr player to the Thug Apologists roster. Matt Jones! he loves him some cocaine and suddenly he also loves being the Jaguars go to receiver. who knew? it must be the sweet 'stache that he grew after getting busted for doing blow. whatever it is we is proud to have his freakish cracker ass on our fantasy team.

We were sorely lacking in the dumbass department on this team...mostly hoping Favre would have a painkiller and booze relapse under the pressures of playing in the NYC. now we got us a go to receiver/coke head to make this team way more interesting.

I'm Pretty Sure Chris Todd Can't Do This

so here's the clip of the awesome play Kodi Burns made in the Tennessee game i was takling about in my Pro-Kodi post this morning.

too bad this drive ended in Wes Byrum missing a field goal.

thanks to the Auburner for posting a link to this video as i'd been searching for it all day. also i liked their spin on Bama being #2 in the AP Poll. it's never to early to start talking shit about the Iron Bowl.

FALCONQUEST 08 hits another snag

The Falcons quest for a Fanger Rang hit another bump in the road as they got they damn ass whooped by the fucking Panthers. i guess Atlanta just needs to ask the league if they can play all their games at THE DOME so we can get this championship season back on track. sadly Fucknuts McWhitey didn't throw any picks. how the fuck is he ever gonna challenge that NFL record if he doesn't toss interceptions in losses? damnit! you are giving me false hope with all these halfway descent rookie performances! actually this loss had nothing to do with Ryan and everything to do with the Falcons inability to get their running game going. Atlanta really could've used this game as they are about to go into the meatgrinder portion of their schedule. oh well, maybe Aaron Rogers is too hurt and the Falcons can upset the Packers....okay, yeah that probably won't happen.

The NFLs Week 4, Cowboys Can Eat A Dick

-another week in the NFL, another former Auburn player puts a hurt on one of the NFL's elite teams. Jason Campbell was hardly the destroyer of worlds like Ronnie Brown was last week, but still he's proving to be a pretty solid NFL QB and worth a 1st round draft pick. War Eagle, Jason.

-The Titans are the closest thing to an SEC team the NFL has. awesome running game. awesome defense. some old piece of trash at QB. actually they sound pretty much like Alabama, although the Tide may have a better receiving corp.

-hey Larry Johnson is still good a football. who knew?

-Brett Favre is your KING OF THE NFL for week 4. if he wasn't on my damn fantasy team this would annoy the shit out of me. so what's the over/under on the amount of times Favre's name comes up on Monday Night Football? i'm going with 36.

-speaking of Favre...Greenbay is 2-2 and Aaron Rogers has a separated shoulder. hahahahahaahahahahahaha.

-David Garrard is the most awesome shitty QB in the NFL. go Jags.

-The Bills are 4-0? i am confused. what year is this? 1992? no, it's not. okay, well fuck...now i'm really confused. Go Toronto!

-FUCKING RAIDERS LOSING TO THE GODDAMN CHARGERS AND DARREN MCFADDEN DOESN'T DO SHIT ALL GAME. i mean seriously, the Raiders really know how to break my heart. you FUCKING HAD the Chargers and then you give up 25 points in the 4th quarter?!?! fuck you guys! why do i still root for you?! it's not the 90s, Bo Jackson and Marcus Allen aren't on that team anymore.

-oh yeah, and finally check out this awesome photo of Matt Jones. i guess doing cocaine and growing that sweet stache have made him a better NFL receiver. i am totally picking him up for my fantasy team.

god, he was so fucking awesome in college...and he didn't even have that sweet look and cocaine problem yet. fuck Tebow! Matt Jones is the greatest white, run first QB ever.

Now That Is How You Win A Fucking Fantasy Football Game

so thanks in large part to the country bumpkin' up in the NYC, the Thug Apologist put on the sort of savage fantasy football beating that can make you forget about the fact that the NFL team you root for can't win a road game to save their lives. Favre tossed 6 fucking touchdowns (hey i wonder if that douchebag Kornheiser will talk about it non-stop on Monday Night Football) which ended up being 45 fantasy points and then the rest of my team added some good totals as well netting us a final of 156...and that's just cuz we left Steve Slaton and Michael Bush on the bench and played Fred Taylor and Darren McFadden's no producing asses. ah DMac...you are fucking me good on that pick aren't you? regardless Romo and T.O. are back to whipping ass and getting big points as is the Titans defense. now if only my damn runningbacks would ever produce we might be able to hang 200 on a motherfucker.

Eazy was pleased and noone had to die. and that's what really matters.