Holy fucking shit! The Falcons. The Dirty Birds. The Shakespearean Tragedy that is the NFL's Atlanta Franchise is going to the motherfucking playoffs!!!!
SUCK IT!!!!!!
This rules so hard that i can't even complete thoughts.
Matt Ryan you are officially no longer known as Fucknuts McWhitey. i have never been so happy to be so fucking wrong about a player in my whole life. just go ahead and disregard all this horse shit that i wrote. i know nothing about football. you fucking rule. ROOKIE OF THE YEAR, MVP, BEST FALCONS QB EVER!!!!! you're still a big fucking dork, but goddamn you rule.
Mike Smith, i love you.
Michael Turner, thanks for proving me wrong when i said you'd just be Lamont Jordan.
Roddy White and Michael Jenkins....thanks for remembering that you guys were football players this year. what used to be this teams biggest weakness has become an unquestionable strength.
John Abraham is a beast...the rest of the defense could use some work...but hey, you guys do just enough to win. thank you.
THE FALCONS ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS!!!! WRAP YOUR FUCKING MIND AROUND THAT SHIT MOTHERFUCKER!!!
You don't have to get me anything for X-mas (other than a new AD for Auburn) because the Falcons gave me the best present all year.
and to make this all the sweeter, if Atlanta beats the shitty Rams next weekend and Carolina loses to the Saints, the Falcons will become the #2 Seed!!!! BOOM!!!!!! my mind just exploded.
i've been so caught up in the Auburn coachapalooza that i forgot to mention the fact that i can't believe the Falcons let that game against the Saints get away from them. when Atlanta is 10-6 and sitting at home while Dallas snags that last playoff spot we can look back at Mike Smith's decision to punt the ball on 4th and 5 with about 3 minutes left in the game, instead of going for it against the lousy Saints defense, as the point where Atlanta blew their shot. still if Atlanta really is 10-6 then i'll have nothing to complain about and i'll be eagerly awaiting the 2009 season with this weird thing called optimism. it just sucks because 3 of Atlanta's losses this season (Denver, New Orleans, & Philadelphia) are games that they could have won. regardless this has been an amazing season and Matt Ryan has made me eat the biggest shit sandwich of my life and i've enjoyed every bite.
Drew Brees just made Atlanta's secondary look ridiculous. i hope Atlanta is spending every single bit of free agency money and their draft picks on that defense (with maybe the exception of the best offensive tackle available in the 1st round).
ok. back to WHO WANTS TO BE AN AUBURN FOOTBALL COACH?
in some other random college football news, Colt McCoy has decided to wait another year before he becomes a 2nd or 3rd round draft pick that never starts a single game in the NFL and eventually becomes a QB coach for the Longhorns in about 6 years or so. good for him.
after the miserable fucking Saturday i had, i needed a game like that from my Falcons. but goddamn boys, could you have done it with a little less heart attack causing drama?
Elam! you go from goat to god in minutes. amazing.
and Fucknuts McWhitey!!!! you might actually be worth a shit after all. i might even start calling you by your given name...i will not call you Matty Ice though. ever. i don't care if you win us a Super Bowl. it's never gonna happen. not bad for a pair of shoes.
The Falcons quest for a Fanger Rang hit another bump in the road as they got they damn ass whooped by the fucking Panthers. i guess Atlanta just needs to ask the league if they can play all their games at THE DOME so we can get this championship season back on track. sadly Fucknuts McWhitey didn't throw any picks. how the fuck is he ever gonna challenge that NFL record if he doesn't toss interceptions in losses? damnit! you are giving me false hope with all these halfway descent rookie performances! actually this loss had nothing to do with Ryan and everything to do with the Falcons inability to get their running game going. Atlanta really could've used this game as they are about to go into the meatgrinder portion of their schedule. oh well, maybe Aaron Rogers is too hurt and the Falcons can upset the Packers....okay, yeah that probably won't happen.
The cruelest cocktease of all time continues as the Atlanta Falcons absolutely mugged, shot, stabbed, harvested the organs and sold them online, sucked the marrow from the bones of the Kansas City Chiefs (who aren't just the worst team in football, but may very well be the worst team possible) in 38-14 blowout that wasn't even that close.
Ryan stayed in the under 20 passes range going 12/18 with 192 yards and 1 touchdown. Michael Turner continued to make me pay for drafting Jamall Lewis over him in my fantasy league by rushing for 104 yards and 3 touchdowns. Roddy White had himself a pretty nice game as well with 119 yards receiving, a touchdown, and a back flip. and Jerrious Norwood continued to put up solid backup numbers with 75 rushing and 30 receiving.
Are the Falcons for real? hell no. are they totally unstoppable against really shitty teams as long as they are playing in the Dome? well, i'd have to give that one a big fucking YES!!! if only we could somehow be in the NFC West then this might be an 8-8 playoff team. unfortunately this was the last easy game until we face the Raiders...and who knows what sort of ball of insanity may occur when my two favorite dysfunctional franchises face off out in Oakland?
regardless, this is some encouraging shit....even if the real losing is about to start hardcore with the Panthers, Bears, Packers, and Eagles all coming up next. it was fun while it lasted though.
MICHAEL TURNER!!!!!!!! WHY DIDN'T I TAKE YOU IN MY FANTASY LEAGUE OVER JAMMAL LEWIS!?!?!
okay, calm down.
Breathe.
alright, anyways The Falcons looked fucking good yesterday. i was just as surprised as anyone. only Griggs would have faith in a team like Atlanta coming into this year. but after yesterday i might want to retract my 1 win proclamation. the Falcons look like are totally a 7 or 8 win team this year...especially with a schedule that includes the AFC West. Michael Turner and Jerious Norword are as lethal a runningback duo in the NFL and suddenly the offensive line understands the concept of blocking. do you believe in miracles? YES!!! Turner and his huge legs will plow through defenders like paper and Norwood makes the most of all his touches with the homerun threat always there. and i think Mike Smith made it very clear that Atlanta is gonna be modeled after Jacksonville. this is gonna be a running team 1st and if the results are like they were on Sunday, expect Turner to be one of the league leaders this year. Matt Ryan couldn't have started an NFL career any better. 1st pass, boom! 62 yards! touchdown! RETIRE HIS JERSEY! HALL OF FAME! MIKE WHO? ok okay...seriously dude, calm the fuck down. Ryan looked as good as a rookie QB could in his first ever start. going 9/13 for 161 yards and the 1 long TD. granted he made a couple of stupid passes in the 2nd half that hit Lions defenders in the hands and should've been picks, but still Ryan really just needs to be a game manager as long as the running game is working.
okay, i am a realist. i know that this game was at home, vs. the Lions...who obviously are gonna suck this year like all years. i was impressed that the Falcons midget corners were able to do as well as they did against Calvin Johnson and Roy Williams. the pass rush was excellent, if Abraham can stay healthy then maybe he can Defend the Dome all year. i still think this team is 3 players away from being solid on D. we need a run stuffing tackle, a dynamic playmaker in the secondary, and someone to replace Keith Brooking's old ass....hopefully Lofton can be that guy.
the offense is young and could be really explosive with Norwood and Turner smashing faces and Jenkins and White finally showing why they were high picks after all these years. Harry Douglas really gets me excited with his potential in the slot running reverses and making plays in open space. granted Ryan is gonna struggle, especially in games when the Falcons are behind more than a touchdown and he's forced to throw more than 13 times...but Fucknuts McWhitey might just be worth all that damn money after all...probably not though.
man, that was the best i've felt about a Falcons win since they waxed the Rams in the playoffs. now just 15 more weeks of disappointment to go.
so i neglected to comment on this sooner, mostly because i've been trying to ignore the Atlanta Falcons this entire preseason, but new coach Mike Smith has named Matt Fucking Ryan (aka Fucknuts McWhitey) as the Falcons' starter for the opener. what seemed like a potential 4 win club now will dip down towards the 2 win mark. Ryan becomes the first rookie QB to be his team's starter from Day 1 of his career since David Carr...and let us all nod and smile at how awesome that worked out for the Texans. i shouldn't even give a shit because the turds Ryan had in front of him aren't worth taking up a roster spot on most any team in the NFL, so i'm sure Ryan probably WAS the best option. and there are of course those experts who believe it's better to learn on the field than on the sidelines. whatever, i think i've pretty well documented my raging hatred for the drafting and overpaying of this very ordinary looking young QB from Boston College (the team nooone cares about). i guess the sooner Matt Ryan is on the field then the sooner he can go ahead and be a bust and the Falcons can move on to some other shitty QB. thank god i care more about college football than the NFL.
anyways this clip of Ryan getting lit up by Clemson will likely be a common site for Falcons' fans this season.
on a side note: what do you think the the over/under is on number of years before before Griggs makes Matt Ryan his fantasy QB?
some more random thoughts on ole' Fucknuts - The Falcons have taken away the spot of goofiest ass starting QB away from The Colts. - when people praise Ryan for his poise and leadership they are really saying, "i'm so glad he isn't some black thug like that last one." - Matt Ryan threw 19 interceptions as a senior last season. George Blanda holds the record for interceptions in one season with 42. and as much as i'd like to say our boy could equal that stat if given the opportunity i don't actually see it happening. seriously, 42 fucking picks. can you even fathom that?
6 years, 72 million dollars. did we get a new offensive line for that?
6 years, 72 million dollars. for a rookie quarterback. Jesus.
6 YEARS, 72 MILLION DOLLARS! FOR A GODDAMN OVERRATED SHITTY ROOKIE QB WHO THREW 19 PICKS HIS SENIOR YEAR!
6 FUCKING YEARS, 72 MILLION FUCKING AMERICAN (thank god it wasn't canadian money) DOLLARS!!!! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?!
i hate you Falcons.
i mean seriously, the guy makes more money than Tom fucking Brady. didn't the Falcons hire Tom Dimitroff from the Patriots hoping he'd use some of those famous Pats front office smarts to build us a winner? and what has he done but throw a shit ton of money at a career backup runningback and a rookie qb. it would be fucking funny if it wasn't so goddamn sad.
but seriously the NFL needs a fucking rookie salary cap the same way the NBA has one. if you sign a top 5 pick who is a quarterback your franchise is completely fucked unless you've already got some talent on your team (which the Falcons did a good job of getting rid of in the off season). so yeah, i hope Matt Ryan enjoys counting all that cash while the Falcons come in last place the next six years.
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