Hey Our Overrated Former 5 Star Linebacker Is Out for The Year

Tray Blackmon/aka the Little Ball Of Hate/aka the most hyped defensive recruit of the Tuberville era, is done for the season. with the way this year has been going it seems fitting that our most overrated player is done for the year. honestly Josh Bynes has been a lot more solid than Blackmon in the middle this season and this doesn't exactly make me feel anything. Blackmon has so far lived up to NONE of his potential having spent the last 3 years missing chunks of the season with injury issues and serving suspensions. he's also really good at injuring his teammates during Spring Ball (just ask Fannin and former QB DeRon Furr). Blackmon has shown flashes of potential the last few seasons that he could be special, but he's also been highly inconsistent.

when i look at the Auburn team i see a list of guys who never measured up to those stars attached to their Rivals pages. and so here i am ready to unleash my top 10 most overrated players currently taking up scholarships on the 2008 Auburn Tigers.

1. Tray Blackmon LB- 5 Star Recruit with injury and charcter issues. lacks size to be a a big time NFL linebacker.
2. Lee Ziemba OT- 5 star. penalties. penalties. penalties. also a bit of a hothead.
3. Montez Billings WR- 4 Star. was supposed to replace Courtney Taylor as Auburn's go to guy. a sometimes starter who has been outshined by walk-on Rod Smith and 3 Star Robert Dunn (sorry apparently that was NO Stars. Dunn was a darkhorse for sure).
4. Neal Caudle QB- 4 star, currently the 3rd or 4th string QB. doubtful he will ever start a game for the Tigers.
5. Tim Hawthorne WR- 4 star recruit who has been largely a non-factor in his career.
6. Bart Eddins OL/DL- 4 star recruit...not even sure if he's even on the team anymore.
7. Chris Slaughter WR- 4 star recruit, mostly has played on punt returns. great size and speed has equaled zero big plays.
8. Terrell Zachery WR- 4 star recruit, you see a pattern here? with all the damn four star wideouts on this team you'd imagine ONE of them would be worth a shit. not so much.
9. Mike Berry OL- 4 star recruit, has been mostly a backup.
10. Bailey Woods TE- 4 star, apparently was moved to long snapper. jesus.

i'm keeping Kodi Burns off this list because i chalk his failures up to bad coaching and not being given a chance to show what he can do. honestly that could be said about a lot of these guys.

TV Party, Week 8 (Thank God For No Auburn Game)

Being Ranked Was Fun While It Lasted
Vanderbilt @ Georgia, 12:30pm on MyATL TV

coming off their Crooming last week the 'Dores roll into Athens having been a thorn in Georgia's side the last two seasons with an upset win in Athens 2 years ago and a near win again last season. if Vandy can pull off another upset vs. UGA then i'm pretty sure you can go ahead and crown them SEC East champions...or not, regardless i don't expect a blowout. Georgia is insanely more talented than Vanderbilt, but Vandy likes to create turnovers and Mr. Stafford has been known to throw a pick or two in his day. i'm thinking this game is gonna be something of the 20-14 vareity with the Dawgs coming out on top.

Fear The Nutt
Ole' Miss @ Alabama, 3:30pm on CBS

The Dark Lord Saban has his team marching on the SEC like those Big Ass elephant things in Lord of the Rings, just trampling motherfuckers (unless your name is Kentucky)...but heading into Mordor is Boss Hawg (aka Houston Nutt) and his team of overachieving Mississippi retards. Could this be the week that the dreams of a 76th National Title for the Tide get Nutted on?

Hey Who Likes Defense? Not Me! Well I Have A Game For You.
Missouri @ Texas, 8pm on ABC

Colt McCoy vs. Chase Daniel in the battle of college QBs who will never take a fucking snap in the NFL but still might win Heismans. the final score of this game might make my Playstation weep.

Suicide Watch (2008) Bye Week

well if there's one positive thing i can say about Auburn football is that they can't lose any games this week. and i'll take that as a moral victory. this bye week is a welcome one for my mental state, especially after witnessing first hand the Spread Eagle Clusterfuck 2008.

and so the Tigers find themselves with more than half the season under their belt at 4-3 and with very little hope from here on out at getting wins. sure there's the homecoming gimme and maybe just maybe a victory against Ole' Miss (not likely) and then of course the duel ass whippings to close out the year against the Dawgs and the Tide...and so Auburn's next opponent West Virginia (aka Another of the Disappointing Teams of 2008) might be Auburn's last chance at getting a win against a Division I school. but that might be a false hope that i am carrying inside.

regardless...someone made this youtube video comparing Bobby Lowder To Hitler.

The Lionel Richie Looking QB Is Big Time Now

Check out Jason Campbell's Geico commercial.

There's A World Cup Of American Football?

File This Under: Shit I Didn't Know Existed.

so in one of my moments of random internet searching (that wasn't related to porn) i made the strange discovery that something called the IFAF (aka the International Federation of American Football) exists and they have a World Cup Of American Football. apparently it's been around since 1998 and they held the first World Cup in 1999. Japan won the first two championships (apparently they've been playing football in Japan since the 30s?!?) but that's largely because the United States didn't take part in either of those. in 2007 the Americans fielded their first ever international team and beat South Korea 77-0 and Germany 33-7 before they won the World Cup title in overtime vs. Japan (23-20). the US team was selected from Seniors that had graduated in 2006 and had no pro experience and unless you are a fan of the schools these guys went to you've probably never heard of most of them. i was familiar with former TCU QB Jeff Ballard, Toledo WR Steve Odom, and Iowa State WR Austin Flynn. Kyle Kasperbauer a RB from little ass Nebraska-Omaha won the MVP trophy of the tournament.

anyways, i just found this to be interesting. i don't know why ESPN65 wasn't airing any of these games and it got zero press. i mean shitty football is still football. and when you slap a TEAM USA sticker on the helmet it should probably get a little love. so here's to you TEAM USA 2007...a year later. Way to go and shit.

So Am I Supposed To Be Excited About Barrett Trotter, or Something?

is this supposed to give me hope? really? i'm sorry but thinking that a 3 star QB whose best offer other than Auburn was Troy is gonna come in a save the season is retarded. just make Burns the man from here on out and figure out the QB thing in the offseason. STOP THE QB MUSICAL CHAIRS GAME TUBS!!!! IT HAS BEEN FUCKING AUBURN ALL SEASON AND IT'S NOT GONNA STOP NOW WITH SOME FRESHMAN KID!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what are we, Mississippi State?!

if you are looking for me i'll be in the corner crying and staring longingly at my picture of Brandon Cox.

here's some Barrett Trotter youtube footage from highschool. whatever. i'm too depressed to care anymore.

Schedule of Doom 2009

JCCW has got the 2009 Auburn schedule posted. i have my predictions in the comment box. 8-4 looks about right...that is if Auburn's sorta spread/whole lotta suck offense has figured out it's ass from a whole in the ground between now and next fall...and if Georgia loses Knowshon and Stafford to the NFL meatgrinder...if not then it could be 7-5 and fire the coach followed by a half decade of pain and misery and before you realize it you're 35 and you hate football because it brings you no joy in life. hopefully The Falcons just totally rule the next few years and i won't even notice that Auburn has become the Nebraska of the SEC.

in other related Auburness i'm probably about 1 comment away from getting banned over at Track Em Tigers for my liberal use of the word FUCK. so i guess i need to keep my torrette's fueled outbursts about the shitty motherfucking state of Auburn motherfucking Football in the goddamn year of 2008 inside these motherfucking walls. shit fuck shit.

The Fact That My Team Won Last Night Is Proof That Fantasy Football Is Just Some Bullshit

The Thug Apologists scored a whopping 67 points...which was the 2nd lowest points total for the week in our entire league....and yet we STILL WON THE FUCKING GAME. Fantasy football is just some bullshit that you get lucky with, their is no fucking skill involved. sure it helps if you aren't a complete idiot and actually watch football, but overall it's just a fucking crapshoot and anyone who believes otherwise is either a dumbass or a douchebag...or both. so anyways we are 3-3 and in a 6 way tie for 3rd place, which should tell you all you need to know about our league. unfortunately we are about to be completely, totally, and utterly fucked since Romo is out for the next month with a broken finger. i mean i picked up Chad Pennington this morning. CHAD FUCKING PENNINGTON! sure, he's played okay and all, but seriously without the Romo to T.O. connection the Thugs are looking pretty bad, especially when we've got a running back trio of Warrick Dunn, Lil' Stevie Slaton, and Jamal Lewis. why didn't we just draft Michael Turner?!?! i even picked up Brad Johnson out of desperation....FUCK!!

Romo, you fucking pussy. i hate you. it's Favre's team now. dear god, we are screwed.

Auburn Dynasty Mode, Week 7

sometimes i wish that i sucked more at NCAA Football and Auburn was better at it. i'm still in shock over how poorly Auburn played against Arkansas last Saturday despite the countless number of turnovers and chances Auburn had to win the game...the only way to erase such a loss was to go and play that game in my Dynasty Mode the way i'd wished it would have happened.

and so it was. My Auburn Dynasty mode team is ranked #9 in the country...leads the nation in scoring defense, sacks, and yards rushing against. the Blitzkrieg offense leads in total yards, touchdowns, and points per game. today against the Hawgs these numbers would hold up well.

after scoring in the 1st quarter to jump to a 7 to 0 lead, the Hawgs never once even got a first down for the rest of the game as Auburn rolled to 77 unanswered points. this was the first game of the year where both the ground and air attack really got underway as Auburn rolled up 622 yards of total offense...343 of those were rushing. Kodi Burns was the star of the show with 279 yards passing and 3 tds (1 int.) and 73 yards and 2 tds rushing. Ben Tate added another 109 yards rushing with a 12.1 yards per carry average. Brad Lester chipped in another 53. Tristin Davis had 67 yards and a touchdown (with a 22.3 yards per carry avg.) and Mario Fannin got 26 yards rushing one direct snaps at QB and a td with another 94 yards receiving and a touchdown.

as per usual the defense owned Arkansas. nailing Casey Dick for 7 sacks and causing 3 fumbles....one of those Zac Etheridge picked up and ran in for an 87 yard touchdown. Mike Smith was held to 0 yards rushing on 11 carries. Casey Dick finished the day with 75 yards passing 1 touchdown and 1 int. and yes 7 SACKS and left the game in the 4th quarter with a broken hand. that's what he gets for catching touchdowns against Auburn in the real world.

all in all this is the ass beating that i had wished that Auburn could have put on fucking Petrino....oh well. 77-7 is pretty sweet. in reality Auburn may suck, but my video game Tigers are fucking unstoppable.

after the game Auburn received another commitment from a 4 star linebacker and a 4 star safety. Kodi Burns also shot up to number 1 in the Heisman voting just ahead of Michael Crabtree and Tim Tebow.

College Football Pick Em, Week 8

Thursday October 16
1: FSU @ NC ST- FSU
2: BYU @ TCU- BYU
SATURDAY OCTOBER 18
3: TEXAS TECH @ TEXAS A&M- Tex Tech
4:WAKE FOREST @ MARYLAND- Wake
5:PURDUE @ NORTHWESTERN- Purdue
6:GA TECH @ CLEMSON- Ga Tech
7:WISCONSIN @ IOWA- Wisconsin
8:VANDERBILT @ GEORGIA- UGA
9:KANSAS @ OKLAHOMA- Oklahoma
10:BAYLOR @ OKLAHOMA STATE- OK St
11:OLE MISS @ ALABAMA- BAMA
12:USC @ WASHINGTON STATE- USC
13:OHIO STATE @ MICHIGAN STATE- OSU
14: NORTH CAROLINA @ VIRGINIA- UNC
15:PITTSBURGH @ NAVY- Pitt
16:MIAMI @ DUKE- Miami
17:STANFORD @ UCLA- Stanford
18: MICHIGAN @ PENN STATE- Penn St
19:KANSAS STATE @ COLORADO- K State
20:ARKANSAS @ KENTUCKY- Arkansas
21:MISSISSIPPI STATE @ TENNESSEE- Tennessee
22:MISSOURI @ TEXAS- Mizzou
23:LSU @ SOUTH CAROLINA- LSU
24:VIRGINIA TECH @ BOSTON COLLEGE- Va Tech
25:CALIFORNIA @ ARIZONA- Cal
TIEBREAKERS: (TOTAL POINTS)
A: MISSOURI @ TEXAS 89
B:VANDERBILT @ UGA 33
C:GEORGIA TECH @ CLEMSON 55

Tommy Bowden is fired....finally

hey, that only took about 5 years longer than it should have. Clemson's QB, Cullen Harper said "he got what he deserved." ouch.

All This Victory Is Making Me Forget My Life Sucks

after the miserable fucking Saturday i had, i needed a game like that from my Falcons. but goddamn boys, could you have done it with a little less heart attack causing drama?

Elam! you go from goat to god in minutes. amazing.

and Fucknuts McWhitey!!!! you might actually be worth a shit after all. i might even start calling you by your given name...i will not call you Matty Ice though. ever. i don't care if you win us a Super Bowl. it's never gonna happen. not bad for a pair of shoes.

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantasy DEATH hath just been handed forth to me from the angry gods on NFL injuries.

Tony Romo is out four 4 weeks with a broken finger.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

who the hell is the Cowboys' backup?

Auburn sucks....and yet the season goes on

A Lifetime Of Defeats Top 25 Week 7

1. Texas
2. Alabama
3. Penn State
4. USC
5. Texas Tech
6. Florida
7. Georgia
8. BYU
9. Oklahoma
10. Ohio State
11. Oklahoma State
12. LSU
13. Utah
14. Boise State
15. Missouri
16. Virginia Tech
17. North Carolina
18. South Florida
19. Kansas
20. Wake Forest
21. Michigan State
22. California
23. Vanderbilt
24. Pittsburgh
25. Georgia Tech

-Vandy gets Croomed! welcome to the top of the SEC shitpile.

Casey Fucking Dick

in football, as in life, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose...and sometimes Casey Dick catches a touchdown pass.
oh yeah....THAT! JUST! HAPPENED!!!

since 1987 Auburn had never lost a game that i attended at Jordan-Hare stadium. granted they got a scare one time at home coming for Louisiana Tech...but still they pulled out the win. well now that streak is over.

sitting in the stands last night as i watched whatever life was left in the 2008 Auburn Tigers get sucked out of their bodies my mind started to drift. i thought of a simpler time when i was a little boy and i only watched a couple of Auburn games a year and wasn't really aware of what Auburn's win-loss record was and only knew that i wanted them to beat Georgia and beat Alabama...i miss those times. i have no energy in me to break down what went on during that miserable game. i have nothing to say about the Auburn QB musical chairs game other than STOP THIS MADNESS! i have no thoughts on Auburn's inability to tackle midget runningbacks or leave wide receivers wide open in the middle of the field on 3rd and long situation. i can't even summon the strength to rail on about the inability of our own receivers to catch balls that hit them in the hands....no. i have nothing to say. last night it just all came crashing down for me. i will continue to watch whenever Auburn is on tv.i will still root hard for my Tigers. i will try my best to have some hope...but you know and i know that the misery isn't stopping here with a loss to the worst team in the SEC. no the there is a train coming and it's coming down on us fast.

TV Party, Week 7 (Ain't No TV for Me)

TV PARTY IS CANCELLED!...on the fact that i'll be leaving Athens, GA tomorrow and escaping the UGA/Tennessee Redneckathon and instead will be traveling to the Loveliest Village with my old man for the Auburn/Arkansas game. it'll be my first live game of the season and my first game at Auburn in 2 years. so while you are at home or at the bar enjoying the Red River Shootout (i hope Texas beats Oklahoma, even if they do keep stealing our coordinators) i'll be in the car trying to find a game to listen to on the radio.

i'm expecting a high level of anxiety from my fellow Auburn fans, but hopefully the booing will be at a minimum. if you are inclined to boo than Joe Crib's Car Wash has some thoughts for you. with any luck we'll see lots of Mario Fannin and Ben Tate tearing it up from the backfield with Kodi Burns behind center finally getting a chance to show why he was supposed to be the future of this team. all in all, i really just wanna see a win. this last week has been depressing enough for me (and not just football), to have it capped off with an embarrassing loss to a mediocre Arkansas team would be enough to drive me insane.

so if you see this Sad Bastard of an Auburn fan at the game tomorrow be sure to say hello.

ULTRA Suicide Watch (2008), Week 7

so i guess i picked a pretty good week to go watch an Auburn game in person.

not since Auburn opened the 2003 season with back to back losses has the Auburn nation been this collectively devastated...well getting screwed out of the 2004 BCS title pissed everyone off for sure, but there hasn't been this much overwhelming PANIC since 03 for sure. you remember that was the year of Jetgate and Tuberville's almost firing to be replaced by one Bobby Petrino...now why is that relevant? oh yeah cuz it's 5 years later and Petrino is returning to Auburn as the coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks right in the middle of a disastrous season for the Tigers.

Auburn has fired their offensive coordinator in the middle of the week and we are left with a thinktank of Tub's loyal assistants running the show...the same guys who made 03 such a fucking disaster. worst of all we are apparently "sticking with the spread" although none of those coaches seem to understand it. AWESOME! i'll believe Auburn is gonna run 4 receiver sets and the read option for 1.4 yards a carry when i see it. even if we don't have a solid fullback, i expect to see RUNNING RUNNING AND MORE RUNNING. i mean the team moved Mario Fannin back to running back this week when he's been their 2nd best playmaker at receiver behind Robert Dunn. would it make a lot of since to do that if Auburn wasn't planning to play smash mouth football this week? probably not. oh yeah, and nobody seems to know who the QB is gonna be...the erratic Kodi Burns or the noodle armed Chris Todd. fuck it, why not throw Neal Caudle into the mix? he was a 4 star recruit. but still the question remain...where do we go from here? Franklin is out after 10 months on the job, Auburn has no offensive coordinator to speak of and a loaded recruiting class full of guys hand picked by Tony Franklin to air it out. and oh yeah, don't forget about the Tide's sudden rise to the top of the football world, i can't pretend that all this anxiety on the Plains hasn't been caused by the way Alabama has manhandled Clemson and Georgia.

Arkansas sucks. like a lot. like it's possible that they are the worse team in the SEC...worse even than Mississippi State. it's crazy what happens to a team that loses two first round draft picks out of their backfield. regardless of that fact, you know that nothing would make Petrino's season than to go into Auburn during the middle of all this turmoil and throw some more dirt onto the 08 Season's Grave. and with the way the Auburn offense has struggled to score points all season long it seems pretty likely that the Hawgs have a chance to hand Auburn their 3rd loss of the season. one can only hope that we are gonna see a full on commitment to the run this week against a team that can't seem to stop it. and not any of this coming out and running the ball in the first half and then abandoning it for 3 and outs and PUNTAPALOOZA. if Auburn can stick with the run and dish out a healthy dose of Ben Tate, Mario Fannin, and Brad Lester then we might actually be able to get this train back onto the tracks...at least for a week anyways.

but regardless it's a pretty shitty week to be an Auburn fan. we just lost to Vanderbilt, we fired our new offensive coordinator who was supposed to bring Auburn football into the future, and we're hosting that backstabbing scumfuck Bobby Petrino. a loss right here would pretty much kill any and all chance at salvaging this season.

potential for tragedy: 10, from here on out and until i see some glimmer of hope everything is a fucking 10.

method of suicide: drink the kool aid. we all did, so we shouldn't be surprised that it was poisoned.

The Internet Rumor Mill

so this is a mass email that got sent out to a lot of folks that found it's way to a lot of Auburn inboxes. as with anything you get forwarded to you in the interweb you gotta take it with a grain of salt...that being said this is a apparently the "real" story of what went down on Wednesday that got Tony Franklin fired.

Alright here is as much as I know from my sources…these aren't the
fake sources you hear people refer to on the radio. Tuesday morning
at practice Franklin went nuts, beyond what you read in the paper,
not only was he running around like a nut on the practice field but
he would not allow any of the assistants to coach their positions, he
was trying to do everything. In the offensive meeting that same day
he really goes crazy a$$ nuts (a good friend of Franklin's said he
thinks Tony just lost it, like needs to go talk to somebody lost it),
he starts cussing out the players…in particular he calls Kodi Burns
out in front of everyone and says "Burns if you were worth a sh*t
you'd be playing, but your not!" He apparently became so hostile to a
particular lineman that he and the lineman were restrained. When this
occurs one of the assistant coaches tells him to calm down and
Franklin says "Fk you! Go tell Tubs, I don't give a fk what he says,
this is my offense!"

All of this is occurring while Tubs is in his CEO bubble…doing his
press conference other duties. When the assistants make Tub aware of
what took place at practice Tubs calls Franklin and tells him to meet
him first thing Wednesday morning in his office. Wednesday morning
Tubs tells Franklin he understands the stress but he will not
tolerate talking to the players on a personal level like that.
Franklin raises his voice to Tubs questioning how he runs the
program…Tubs then tells him to go to his office, get his stuff and
get lost.

You might interpret this as a save face for Tubs version of the story
but most of this came from a players Dad (the lineman that almost
came to blows with Franklin) and a coach who is a good, good friend
of Franklins. His last statement to me was…"This is all on Tubs, I
told him last year that while Franklin is a good friend he should not
hire him…there was no way he was going to be able to work with that
staff."

Auburn Dynasty Mode, Week 6

if only Tony Franklin could get his offense to perform like i have then he probably wouldn't have been fired.

Kodi Burns and Mario Fannin were the stars of this game as Kodi lit up Vandy for 5 passing touchdowns and 2 rushing scores. finishing the game with 456 yards in the air and 76 on the ground. Fannin hauled in 5 catches for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns and also scored a rushing score on a direct snap while at QB. Robert Dunn returned a punt for a touchdown as well as scoring on Kodi's 5th passing TD of the day. Rod Smith had 97 yards and a touchdown. Montez Billings added 85 yards and a td of his own. the ground game was mostly non-existent as i was having too much fun airing it out. Ben Tate had 56 yards and a touchdown for himself. Brad Lester had another 26 yards rushing.

the defense did it's thing. sacking Chris Nickson 3 times and knocking him out for the rest of the season and then taking the chance to show his backup Makenzie Adams what it should have been like and sacking him twice and hauling in 2 interceptions and blocking a field goal attempt. this one was a slaughter from the word go. final score 63 to 13. War Eagle and all that shit. looks like i get to keep my job as the Auburn offensive coordinator for another week. Spread Eagle still a go in the video game world.

After the game Auburn landed it's first two recruits of the season. a 4 star wide receiver from Mississippi with 4.24 speed and a pass catching tight end from Ohio with good size 6 foot 6, 255 pounds and 4.51 speed. Auburn also finds itself ranked #9 in the nation and QB Kodi Burns has jumped into the Heisman race after his big time performance and ranks 3rd in the computers season-long Heisman voting.

Well That Didn't Take Long

Tony Franklin is FIRED!

i'm not sure if i should be happy or in full on panic mode. not sure what this means for Auburn's future running the spread or what will become of their 2009 recruiting class (let's hope we can hold on to Raymond Cotton.) here's Tuberville's quote.
"After evaluating where we are at this point of the season offensively, I felt it was in the best interest of the Auburn football program to make this change," Tuberville said. "I'm not satisfied with where we are and I am personally going to take a larger role with the offense the remainder of the season. We are going to work harder than ever to make sure we consistently improve as we move forward."
...which probably means we are gonna see the I formation and RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING RUNNING.

so what does this mean for the rest of the season? is Kodi Burns going to be the QB now? is Chris Todd gonna transfer to a Division II school? Are we gonna run the wishbone? is Al Borges coming back to fix this mess? is Pat Nix on Auburn's radar? crazy times are going on at Auburn. CRAZY MOTHERFUCKING TIMES!


in less exciting news, Mario Fannin is being moved back to Running Back. which is pretty awesome. let's hope it's because they are gonna be running the fucking ball like crazy from here on out and needed everyone they could spare.