Showing posts with label auburn football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label auburn football. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Welcome Back, Gus!

Thanks for keeping the seat warm for me, bro.
Auburn has their man, and it appears to be our old offensive coordinator genius...aka Gus Malzahn.

Nothing but positive vibes from me on this hire. When Kirby Smart became the hot name yesterday I was filled with dread but when news hit the twitterverse that Auburn had chosen to bring back Malzahn I felt instant excitement. Sure I have my worries about the Tigers ability to stop anyone on defense with Gus in full control of the program...but fuck it dude! if Auburn drop 40 points a game then we can give up 35 for all I care. The Urban Meyer Florida teams, 2010 Auburn ,and 2012 Texas A&M showed us that having an uptempo offense can win and win big in the SEC. There's just no reason not to think that without a defensive minded head coach meddling with his offense, that Malzahn can turn Auburn into Oregon of the South. Will he be able to recruit talent on defense? not sure, but the real question will be can he find a QB who can actually run his scheme...because that's what really matters if the Tigers are gonna compete in the SEC again. All these questions are for much later. Right now I'm just gonna be happy.

Welcome back, Gus! War Damn Eagle!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Ok Auburn, Just hire that fucking asshole and get this shit over with.


When I heard that Kentucky had hired Mark Stoops as their headcoach the first thing i said was "Auburn is gonna hire Petrino."

Originally this thought made me kind of sick to my stomach...and not because I'm some strongly moral dickhead who gives a shit about powerful men cheating on their wives... there are bigger problems in the world.  No, I was more sick because my Falcons fandom still thinks of Bobby Petrino as the fuckface who snuck out of town in the middle of the night with a Dear John note in the players' lockers. But that cowardly move actually ended up working out pretty well for the Dirty Birds and Atlanta has never been better as an NFL franchise. So all these years later I don't really give a shit about what he did in Atlanta, or the Jetgate nonsense, or the fact Petrino just seems like a completely unlikeable jerk. Not even a little bit. All I give a shit about Auburn's next headcoach is that they know what the fuck they are doing and can beat UGA and Bama without the benefit of superhuman QBs. Bobby Petrino IS a scumbag...but he is also THE BEST COACH available. And isn't finding the best coach what really matters. Auburn is a school, i understand that...but Auburn Football is a business and the smart business decision is to just hire the asshole who knows how to win. Of course if you read the tweets and the messageboard and blog rants there is a pretty strong section of Auburn fans who say they will not support or watch the Tigers if Petrino is the coach. So 3-9 didn't kill your love but Petrino will? I guess i can only say enjoy the yardwork on Saturdays then.

I'm sure this coaching search to go on for a week or two, but when it is all said and done i fully expect that the man who will be in charge at Auburn next season is going to be Bobby Petrino. You can scream at the heavens about the Auburn Creed and values and others such subjections of mock outrage all you want on twitter and messageboards but deep down you are gonna be happy because you know that Auburn will finally have a coach who can compete with the Sabans and Miles of the SEC.

that being said...if we hire James Franklin or Gus Malzahn i am gonna be hella stoked too, dudes. i just hope i don't have to post something like this again.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

least shocking thing ever...Gene Chizik just got fired.


It was over for Gene the second Cam Newton declared for the draft. it seems completely insane to think that just 2 seasons after winning the title that Auburn would be looking for a new head coach but after witnessing the state of the program during huge blowouts against Texas A&M, Georgia, and Alabama there really was no other choice. Another year under Chizik would be digging Auburn deeper into a hole that they might not ever get out of.

so he is gone. it is all over. will the NCAA come in and bury the Tigers with a mountain of sanctions? the screaming maniacs of the college football message boards and comment sections sure think/hope so.

and now the coaching search begins. James Franklin, Gus Malzahn, Jimbo Fisher, Bobby Petrino, Gary Patterson, Charlie Strong....those are some of the names we are gonna hear as this search goes on. my money is on Franklin. he just won 8 games at Vanderbilt. think about that. wrap your fucking mind around Vandy having a winning record in the SEC. that seems like the kind of miracle worker this young Tigers team needs. Malzahn is going to be on a lot of fans wish list. with Gus as the headman in charge and without a clueless defensive minded coach looking over his shoulder the Tigers might be able to morph back into the Oregon of the South like they were in 2010. the defense is obviously gonna suffer but it isn't like Auburn has been stopping anyone the past 4 years. Fisher and Petrino are the two biggest names and each offers something to make the Tigers excited. Petrino could give Auburn an instant turn around and have the Tigers competing for the SEC title in 2 seasons....but he's also a scumbag asshole that everyone fucking hates. Fisher is a great recruiter who could get top 5 or 10 classes in every year...but recruiting rankings has never been the problem under Chizik. it's what happens to those 4 and 5 stars when they make it to the Plains. Fisher has always been a bit iffy as the man in charge as FSU has underachieved every season he has been there as a coordinator and headcoach. Patterson and Strong are both great defensive coaches that do absolutely nothing for me in realms of excitement and optimism. knowing Auburn it's going to be NONE of those names. and so it goes.

Auburn has a search committee made up of Bo Jackson, Pat Sullivan, and Mac Crawford who will be helping to find the next man to coach the Auburn Tigers. hopefully Bo Knows coaching searches.

so long Gene Chizik. thanks for the BCS title. thanks for Cam Newton. no thanks for all the rest of the tire fire you left behind. hopefully Jay Jacobs will be joining you in the unemployment line soon enough. one can dream.

on a positive note....let's all watch this once more and really say thank you to Gene Chizik. say whatever you want about him being a terrible coach, but he gave us this and we will always be thankful. War Eagle Forever.

Monday, October 29, 2012

does Auburn still play football?

you'd think after the worst home trashing in Auburn history that i'd be full of venom today...but you would be wrong because i didn't watch one second of the A&M beatdown and i feel all the better for it. it's one thing to watch a bad team that you love who has a chance to pull off the upset but it is another thing entirely to waste valuable hours of your life on a football team that doesn't seem capable of competing in the MAC. until we have found coaches who can coach without the benefit of super powered mutant QBs then i just can't even pretend to give a shit if the Tigers win or lose. the way Auburn has gone in the tank i wouldn't be shocked if they lose to New Mexico State or Alabama A&M.

fire everyone. War Eagle.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

FIRE GENE CHIZIK!!!!!!!!!!!!



doing more harm than good since 2009 (convinced 2010 was some weird drug trip)
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FIRE GENE CHIZIK!!!!!

please, just fucking fire him. and fire Jay Jacobs too. and put Pat Dye on a rocket and shoot it into space.

it's over. for real. nothing more to say. no more wasted time and effort and emotion. the Chizik era has given us the highest high and now it has given us the lowest low. this is not the guy who is gonna build Auburn back up. fire Gene Chizik today! give him his money and send him on his way.

War Eagle

Friday, October 12, 2012

Win or GTFO

that was a LOOOOOOOONG time ago, bro.
so not really much to say about the Tigers and Ole' Miss this weekend. Auburn is a road underdog, as they should be. i doubt very many people have any faith Auburn can win. it would take a completely dominate defensive performance and some good luck on special teams to even give the Tigers a chance. but let's be totally real. Auburn is gonna lose. hell they might get blown out. by Ole' Miss. that is a very fucking real possibility. and assuming that happens, then what? rumors are all over the internet that the players have given up on the season (not that i needed internet rumors...i have been watching the games). claims are being made that the players don't believe in Chizik and are telling recruits not to come to Auburn. how much of that is true? ehhh, who knows? who cares? also can we fire Chizik's wife?

a question for the Auburn faithful: At this point with the season completely lost and just getting to a mediocre bowl game is the best this team can do, are you rooting for Auburn to keep losing and hoping it forces Jay Jacobs' hand and he fires Chizik? can you really root for Auburn to lose?

fuck it. just bury me up to my neck and cut off my ears and cover me in ants. it would be less painful than watching Auburn play football right now.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

The Gene Chizik Lose Explosion!

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!

you know what they always say, "terrible defense beats terrible offense everyday".

well that turned out basically the way you should have imagined it would turn out. after playing their hearts out vs. LSU and then going on a bye week and getting a team that looked like it had given up on it's season what would you have expected from Auburn? a victory? well that is because you are a fucking fool. why else did you choose to root for Auburn? probably the same reason as me. your father forced this curse upon you. whatever fuck it. the season is over. Auburn isn't going to win more than 4 games. UGA and Bama and probably Texas A&M are gonna crush the Tigers by about 40 points each.  and i am just too emotionally drained to care anymore. Auburn is a joke. they are in the Kentucky and Vanderbilt category of SEC teams. easy wins for the top tier teams to pile up their stats against. our recruits are overrated. our play calling is awful. our coaches are inept. our team is shit. i just don't know what you can say after seeing something like today that is remotely positive. 

at certain points i wondered to myself if Auburn is actually better off under Gene Chizik than they were in the later Tuberville seasons? none of those Tubby teams looked close to this clueless. sure i can't complain about 2010. but let's all just be honest and give that credit to our former offensive coordinator and our super human QB. Chizik was just along for the ride. so the countdown to the Chiz gettin' fired starts today. is he gonna hang on to his job this season? yeah...unless they do something insane like lose to New Mexico State or Alabama A&M. but you know that certain boosters are fueling up their private jets and looking longingly towards Bobby Petrino, Dana Holgorsen, and Gus Malzhan. but no, the Chiz has his job security....for one more year. but anything less than a 9 win season next year should end with a pink slip. i don't care what his fucking buy out is. he is paid to win football games...not whatever the hell he's doing this year. 

Auburn won't be down forever, but it feels like we have fallen down and dark deep hole and gotten trapped under a giant boulder and we might need to gnaw some of our limbs off to escape. 

War Eagle, you fuckers. i am getting drunk.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Win Or Die Week


so we can all agree Auburn's season has thus far been a complete disaster. a blow out loss to Mississippi State, a heartbreaker vs LSU, another loss to Clemson that Auburn could very well have won, and barely avoiding an upset by ULM for the only win of the year. not exactly the kind of performance that have anyone in Orange and Blue looking forward to those clashes at the end of the year with UGA or Bama. luckily for Auburn there is another SEC team whose season is an even bigger clusterfuck and as a bonus that team happens to be Arkansas who will be rolling into Auburn this weekend on a 4 game losing streak. 2 of those losses being spectacular blow outs from Alabama and Texas A&M. if Auburn has any hopes of salvaging there season and sneaking into a lower tier bowl game they need to absolutely demolish the Razorbacks this weekend. i am mean i am not so greedy that i wouldn't take a 1 point win vs. Arkansas...but Auburn needs to do more than win...they need an old fashioned "Get Right" game. something like a 35-14 ass whipping that includes multiple sacks and turnovers and the Auburn offense looking somewhat competent for once. i know it is a lot to expect and ask for but i just can not stomach another completely inept offensive performance. i had already promised myself to quit watching the 2012 Tigers, but like all things bad for me, i could not break the habit.

so what are Auburn's prospects of actually beating Arkansas? well the boys in the desert have Auburn as a 9 and half point favorite...which makes them heavy favorites in my eyes...at least as heavy a favorite as a shitty looking 1-3 team that barely beat a school from the Sun Belt can be. offensively Arkansas has the advantage of actually having a QB in Tyler Wilson. he played poorly against A&M and turned the ball over...hopefully Auburn's suddenly lively defense can be able to force some more of those turnovers to make up for the fact that Auburn's O currently ranks 117th in the country in points scored and total yards. having ALL-SEC level talent at kicker and punter gives the Tigers an advantage if Auburn's defense can shut Arkansas down. also Auburn's running game should be able to gain yards considering the Razorbacks gave up 218 yards on the ground to Texas A&M. the Hogs are also giving up over 40 points a game. so Auburn can't score and Arkansas can't stop anyone...so naturally we can split the difference and figure the Tigers might manage somewhere around 28...maybe...hopefully. i mean if Auburn can't move to ball this week then they might as well start running the single wing.

the biggest worry for me is that Tyler Wilson is able to get some time from his awful offensive line and pick Auburn's less than elite secondary apart all day long. i think that is pretty much the only chance Arkansas has of pulling out a win on Saturday. but fuck that...Auburn is gonna win. they HAVE to.

prediction: Auburn 32 Arkansas 24

Friday, September 21, 2012

the Death Star is rolling in to town tomorrow.

and i don't like Auburn's chances of blowing it up. as an Auburn fan have you ever been more convinced of a fucking blowout than you are Saturday? okay i guess last season vs. Bama i knew that shit was gonna be ugly. oh yeah, and the smashing the Tide gave Tuberville in his final game wasn't that big of a shocker either. but i think deep down in my bones i had some form of hope and faith...like Auburn would at least have a fighting chance because it was the Iron Bowl. but tomorrow i give them less than no chance. i honestly will be shocked if Auburn scores a touchdown. i am thinking 3 field goals is probably the best we can hope for and then just pray Frazier only turns the ball over once of twice. if Auburn can keep LSU under 30 and can manage to get about 12 to 15 points i will call it progress. but if things get out of hand in the first half i would be in favor of benching anyone important and saving them for the Arkansas game...a team i actually think Auburn WILL beat. shock me, Auburn. just once this season.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Is Auburn Ever Going To Win A Game Again?

never pass again.
Auburn are currently like a 16 point favorite (or something like that...i don't care enough to check) against UL Monroe. a team that JUST beat Arkansas last weekend. is it just me or is that line EXTREMELY FUCKING OPTIMISTIC?!

ULM's QB Kolton Browning (what is with all the stupid K names? parents of children that were born in the 90s are the fucking worst.) torched Arkansas for 412 yards and 3 touchdowns. what have you seen in the last 2 games that makes you think Auburn is going to do anything to stop that from happening to the Tigers shitastic secondary? unless the defensive line suddenly becomes possessed by the spirits of Quentin Groves or Nick Fairley i don't imagine Browning will have much trouble getting near those stats again. so let's just go ahead and assume the Warhawks are gonna drop at least 21 points on Auburn....how are the Tigers planning on matching that? we've scored all of 1 touchdown this season and that was nearly a lifetime ago in the devolution of Kiehl Frazier: Turnover Machine. a Quarterback with 1 more touchdown pass in his two years at Auburn than i do. so passing for scores isn't gonna be anything i would put money on. so how are the Tigers going to get points? one assumes that Auburn will do whatever they can to just run it down ULM's throat and since they're a Sun Belt team one also assumes that Auburn will have an advantage of size on the lines...but whenever the rushing attack has been working we've been treated to either a dumb penalty or the sudden need to let Frazier attempt forward passes. if i was the coaching staff i am not attempting a single pass that isn't some short screen unless the runningbacks and defense have gained AT LEAST a 3 score lead. just run run run run run run run run like it's 1982 and everyone's still running the wishbone. honestly if Auburn would like to just sit Frazier over on the sidelines and run the wildcat every single play i wouldn't fault them. seriously, no passing. if the Tigers employ this primitive strategy they might just win an actual football game. maybe.

i miss the days when cursing at Brandon Cox and face palming everytime he took a sack were my biggest issues as an Auburn fan.