you'd think after the worst home trashing in Auburn history that i'd be full of venom today...but you would be wrong because i didn't watch one second of the A&M beatdown and i feel all the better for it. it's one thing to watch a bad team that you love who has a chance to pull off the upset but it is another thing entirely to waste valuable hours of your life on a football team that doesn't seem capable of competing in the MAC. until we have found coaches who can coach without the benefit of super powered mutant QBs then i just can't even pretend to give a shit if the Tigers win or lose. the way Auburn has gone in the tank i wouldn't be shocked if they lose to New Mexico State or Alabama A&M.
fire everyone. War Eagle.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
is Gene Chizik fired yet?
no. just checking. let me know, i will be sleeping under my Cam Newton jersey and these boxes of empty cough syrup.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
FIRE GENE CHIZIK!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| doing more harm than good since 2009 (convinced 2010 was some weird drug trip) |
please, just fucking fire him. and fire Jay Jacobs too. and put Pat Dye on a rocket and shoot it into space.
it's over. for real. nothing more to say. no more wasted time and effort and emotion. the Chizik era has given us the highest high and now it has given us the lowest low. this is not the guy who is gonna build Auburn back up. fire Gene Chizik today! give him his money and send him on his way.
War Eagle
Friday, October 12, 2012
Win or GTFO
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| that was a LOOOOOOOONG time ago, bro. |
a question for the Auburn faithful: At this point with the season completely lost and just getting to a mediocre bowl game is the best this team can do, are you rooting for Auburn to keep losing and hoping it forces Jay Jacobs' hand and he fires Chizik? can you really root for Auburn to lose?
fuck it. just bury me up to my neck and cut off my ears and cover me in ants. it would be less painful than watching Auburn play football right now.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
The Gene Chizik Lose Explosion!
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| fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!! |
well that turned out basically the way you should have imagined it would turn out. after playing their hearts out vs. LSU and then going on a bye week and getting a team that looked like it had given up on it's season what would you have expected from Auburn? a victory? well that is because you are a fucking fool. why else did you choose to root for Auburn? probably the same reason as me. your father forced this curse upon you. whatever fuck it. the season is over. Auburn isn't going to win more than 4 games. UGA and Bama and probably Texas A&M are gonna crush the Tigers by about 40 points each. and i am just too emotionally drained to care anymore. Auburn is a joke. they are in the Kentucky and Vanderbilt category of SEC teams. easy wins for the top tier teams to pile up their stats against. our recruits are overrated. our play calling is awful. our coaches are inept. our team is shit. i just don't know what you can say after seeing something like today that is remotely positive.
at certain points i wondered to myself if Auburn is actually better off under Gene Chizik than they were in the later Tuberville seasons? none of those Tubby teams looked close to this clueless. sure i can't complain about 2010. but let's all just be honest and give that credit to our former offensive coordinator and our super human QB. Chizik was just along for the ride. so the countdown to the Chiz gettin' fired starts today. is he gonna hang on to his job this season? yeah...unless they do something insane like lose to New Mexico State or Alabama A&M. but you know that certain boosters are fueling up their private jets and looking longingly towards Bobby Petrino, Dana Holgorsen, and Gus Malzhan. but no, the Chiz has his job security....for one more year. but anything less than a 9 win season next year should end with a pink slip. i don't care what his fucking buy out is. he is paid to win football games...not whatever the hell he's doing this year.
Auburn won't be down forever, but it feels like we have fallen down and dark deep hole and gotten trapped under a giant boulder and we might need to gnaw some of our limbs off to escape.
War Eagle, you fuckers. i am getting drunk.
Friday, October 5, 2012
R.I.P. Braves Baseball 2012
facts: he went hitless (that last hit in the bottom of the 9th was a total gift from the ump and the official scorer...Chipper didn't beat the throw and if he did it was an error) and worst of all his error in the 4th is what sent Atlanta spiraling down. at that point in the game the Braves were rolling, Medlen was looking like his magical unhittable self and then Chipper overthrows Uggla and sends one into the outfield and the next thing you know that 2-0 lead is a fucking 3-2 hole. then in the bottom of the 4th with the Braves looking like they were ready to rally back, the Frediot decides to have Simmons fucking try and bunt home Freeman (who didn't even bother to run) and gets called out on interference and Medlen comes up and strikes out and it was at that moment you kinda knew in your heart that the this shit was over and the Braves had choked away a game they should've won.
unfortunately it wasn't just the 4th inning that was full of fuckups because the best fielding team in the National League turned into my 12 year old Little League squad and decided to cough up 2 more costly errors that helped the Cards gain a 6-3 lead that just sank the hopes of even the most faithful of Braves fans. i felt really bad for Medlen. he pitched an excellent game for the most part and i think if that Chipper error in the 4th doesn't happen then he would've kept mowing down Cards until the 7th inning the then the bullpen would've taken care of the rest.
of course the delusional Braves fan is gonna hang this whole loss on THE WORST CALL I HAVE EVER SEEN AN UMPIRE MAKE IN A MOTHERFUCKING PLAYOFF GAME IN MY LIFE!!! on the infield fly rule WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME in the 8th...which ended up turning Turner Field into the set of a WWE event (and observation made by most of my friends on twitter that i have to agree with). whoever says the people in Atlanta don't care about their sports teams will forever be reminded that our drunk redneck fans care a lot.... enough to delay the game for 20 minutes by throwing trash on the field and maybe possibly killing Atlanta's chances at a comeback. but whatever, we will never know. i'm honestly mixed on how i feel about it all. i am glad Atlanta fans showed some fucking emotion but then again they look like jackasses. i mean shit, it was like we were Phillies fans suddenly. Atlanta wanted some blood. i was half hoping that there was gonna be a riot after the game. Burn Atlanta Again! it needs to be rebuilt anyways. but yeah as much as that single play sucked, the Braves still had chances to get back into the game. that bad call didn't make Michael Bourn strike out with the bases loaded. it didn't make the Braves strand like 8 million base runners over the course of the game. THEY HAD 12 FUCKING HITS AND SCORED 3 GODDAMN COCKSUCKING RUNS!!!! one bad call didn't blow this game. one bad call it didn't turn Chipper into a bottomless pit of suck. fans will always remember that bad call forever until the end of time...but the Braves are the reason the Braves didn't win.
and so Atlanta's playoff run enda the way Atlanta playoff runs always end, when not playing the Cleveland Indians, with another loss. a crushing, soul destoying, heartbreaking loss. and the career of the greatest Atlanta Brave (Hank Aaron doesn't count cuz he didn't play most of his career in the ATL) of all time ends with him exclaiming he was the one to blame for the loss. it just isn't fair. and it's just another moment in Atlanta sports history that makes me believe that if God exists and he gives a shit about sports he sure as fuck hates Atlanta....just not as much as he hates Cleveland.
and finally i would like to announce that i will be following Chipper Jones' lead as i too will be retiring from Braves baseball. i'm just not as young as i used to be and my knees can't take it anymore and my heart is done with being broken. if i need something to make me feel like a miserable loser i will always have Auburn football for that. if i feel the need to suffer along with some stupid fucking team from Atlanta that is gonna let me down in a a big game, well that's what the Falcons are for. the Braves are the only damn thing that even makes me waste time caring about stupid baseball and at some point in your life you just gotta quit things that are bad for you cold turkey. obviously i am gonna relapse and when opening day rolls around next year i will be tuning in...just hoping that this might be the season Atlanta finds their way back to another World Series title. knowing deep down that it ain't even happening again. and so it goes.
Goodbye 2012 Braves. you were a fun team to root for. i will miss you. Goodbye Chipper Jones, you were the fucking best.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Win Or Die Week
so we can all agree Auburn's season has thus far been a complete disaster. a blow out loss to Mississippi State, a heartbreaker vs LSU, another loss to Clemson that Auburn could very well have won, and barely avoiding an upset by ULM for the only win of the year. not exactly the kind of performance that have anyone in Orange and Blue looking forward to those clashes at the end of the year with UGA or Bama. luckily for Auburn there is another SEC team whose season is an even bigger clusterfuck and as a bonus that team happens to be Arkansas who will be rolling into Auburn this weekend on a 4 game losing streak. 2 of those losses being spectacular blow outs from Alabama and Texas A&M. if Auburn has any hopes of salvaging there season and sneaking into a lower tier bowl game they need to absolutely demolish the Razorbacks this weekend. i am mean i am not so greedy that i wouldn't take a 1 point win vs. Arkansas...but Auburn needs to do more than win...they need an old fashioned "Get Right" game. something like a 35-14 ass whipping that includes multiple sacks and turnovers and the Auburn offense looking somewhat competent for once. i know it is a lot to expect and ask for but i just can not stomach another completely inept offensive performance. i had already promised myself to quit watching the 2012 Tigers, but like all things bad for me, i could not break the habit.
so what are Auburn's prospects of actually beating Arkansas? well the boys in the desert have Auburn as a 9 and half point favorite...which makes them heavy favorites in my eyes...at least as heavy a favorite as a shitty looking 1-3 team that barely beat a school from the Sun Belt can be. offensively Arkansas has the advantage of actually having a QB in Tyler Wilson. he played poorly against A&M and turned the ball over...hopefully Auburn's suddenly lively defense can be able to force some more of those turnovers to make up for the fact that Auburn's O currently ranks 117th in the country in points scored and total yards. having ALL-SEC level talent at kicker and punter gives the Tigers an advantage if Auburn's defense can shut Arkansas down. also Auburn's running game should be able to gain yards considering the Razorbacks gave up 218 yards on the ground to Texas A&M. the Hogs are also giving up over 40 points a game. so Auburn can't score and Arkansas can't stop anyone...so naturally we can split the difference and figure the Tigers might manage somewhere around 28...maybe...hopefully. i mean if Auburn can't move to ball this week then they might as well start running the single wing.
the biggest worry for me is that Tyler Wilson is able to get some time from his awful offensive line and pick Auburn's less than elite secondary apart all day long. i think that is pretty much the only chance Arkansas has of pulling out a win on Saturday. but fuck that...Auburn is gonna win. they HAVE to.
prediction: Auburn 32 Arkansas 24
Monday, October 1, 2012
A Lifetime Of Defeat's Completely Useless/Meaningless Top 25
so a month into the season and we kinda have an idea who is good (Bama) and who is awful (Arkansas/Auburn/the entire Big 10) and so it's time for one of those meaningless top 25 blog polls that no one cares about me.
A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS top 25
A LIFETIME OF DEFEATS top 25
- Alabama
- South Carolina
- Oregon
- UGA
- LSU
- Florida
- Florida State
- West Virginia
- Kansas State
- Texas
- Oregon State
- Notre Dame
- Mississippi State
- TCU
- Clemson
- Washington
- Stanford
- USC
- UCLA
- Nebraska
- Rutgers
- Oklahoma
- Louisville
- Texas A&M
- Northwestern
and just for the fuck of it....ranking the SEC teams
- Alabama
- South Carolina
- UGA
- LSU
- Florida
- Mississippi State
- Texas A&M
- Tennessee
- Ole Miss
- Auburn
- Missouri
- Vanderbilt
- Kentucky
- Arkansas
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