so this morning i was doing my usual interneting, checking the blogs, checking my email, lookin' at porn, watching tv shows on Hulu, doing the facebook, and finally i got around to that red-headed stepchild/first love of my life The Myspace and i discovered to my horror that my account had been deleted!!! WHAT?!?! NO!!!! wait a second, is this because i keep sending threatening emails to strangers online?!! what about all my pointless rants on my blog?! what about the sluts! NO!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! fuck you Tom! i know where you live and i will burn your giant fortress of solitude to the motherfucking ground!
is this some sort of Logan's Run type conspiracy? once you turn 30 your internet profile is killed! my fucking palm crystal never went off asshole! i seek Sanctuary!!!
after i calmed down and gathered myself from the crumpled mass of man tears and profanity that lay upon the floor i suddenly felt alive and free for the first time in my adult life. hey, i don't have a myspace account anymore. this is awesome. i can be one of those smug assholes who tells you, "yeah, i'm not on myspace anymore." this will be great! then reality hit me in the face and i rejoined about 10 minutes later...just another sucker. fuck! so yeah, if we were friends on the ol' myspace back in the day, do me a favor and re-add my lame ass.
thank you.
i was sooooo close to freedom. but it wasn't meant to be.
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