Saturday, February 28, 2009

when's that shitty Watchmen movie coming out?

It's raining in Athens. This would've been the perfect weekend for a crappy movie based on my favorite comic book story of all time, that doesn't star the X Men or the cursing/fighting/speaking the "word of god" Jesse Custer (seriously that Preacher movie Sam Mendes wants to make better be awesome), to come out. the odds that Watchmen is any good have gotta be 40%. All the nerds who think that movie is gonna be half as good as The Dark Knight or Iron Man are fooling themselves.

Friday, February 27, 2009

I Give Thanks to the Sun God, Ra for answering my prayers.

The Atlanta Falcons cut Keith Brooking. there is some justice in this world.

Brooking is a good guy and i wish him well, but goddamn if he isn't the most overrated, overpaid, shittiest fucking linebacker in the NFL. i see a New England Patriot uniform in your future. they are always in need of more white linebackers.

*******woops! Guess I was wrong about the Pats. Looks like Jerry Jones couldn't fight the urge to add an overpaid aging has been to his roster...wait, isn't that more Al Davis' m.o.?

Eulogy For Kennie Bloggins

'tis a sad day for Athens, GA as my good friend Mr. Kenniebloggins is leaving our fine city in an attempt to be closer to the school he teaches/ coaches at. his goal is to turn his girl's tennis team into the sort of feel good/triumph against all odds kind of story that Disney will adapt into a shitty film and KB can make some motherfucking bank on it. also i suspect he wants to be closer to the city of Atlanta so that he can hangout at The Cheetah and the Pink Pony more often...or to get his rap career off the ground. whatever the reasons be they fictional or otherwise, i myself am truly and honestly saddened as the Bloggins Compound has hosted many of my favorite football memories over the last several years and has been my home away from home nearly every single Saturday from the months of September-January.

aside from having to watch football games at my own house, i will miss the drunken rants about the state of Alabama football and the 6 hour conversations about our fantasy football team while we are out at the bar on any given night. mostly i will miss him yelling at people in his home for not "respecting the Tide" with the sort of madness and conviction that only a truly deranged human being who really loves his fucking team can conjure. for a recap of his finest moment as a citizen of Athens i direct you here.

good luck my friend. Athens is a shittier place without you.

Stop Me If You Think That You've Heard This One Before

Whenever you type the words "dumb motherfucker" together, google should automatically redirect you here.

in case you haven't heard, former Georgia Bulldogs and Dallas Cowboys QB, Quincy Carter got himself arrested....AGAIN.

DWIs are a bitch.

when i think about wastes of talent, i often think of Cocaine Quincy first. he may have done more blow in Athens than the entire music scene combined.

in other football players who are dumbasses news, Kellen Winslow and his swollen balls got traded to the Bucs. as if i needed another reason to hate Tampa Bay. i guess they needed a "soldier".

Positive Vibes Friday: Tecmo Bo Is My Happy Place

we've all seen it. we've all played it. we've all destroyed the computer with him. Tecmo Bo. the greatest digital athlete of all time.

when i was home for Christmas this year i spent a few hours digging through shit in the attic trying to get my old NES and copy of Tecmo Super Bowl but it was nowhere to be found. running for 900 yards in a single game vs. the San Diego Chargers really is the sort of sublime pleasure that clears the mind and inspires me to write a Haiku.

there goes Tecmo Bo
another 99 yard td run
why bother throwing?

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Being Old and a Curmudgeon isn't just a state of mind, it's a full time job.

living in a college town and being exposed to college radio gives you an appreciation for your ipod and you own taste in music. college radio has gotten really fucking bad in recent years...not that their aren't new bands making good music, you just never hear any of them on 90.5, anyways this playlist is a salute to 80s College Rock/Alternative.

and just for the hell of it. MY TOP 30 '80s College Rock/Alt-Rock records.

1. Sonic Youth- Daydream Nation
2. The Replacements- Let It Be
3. REM- Murmur
4. Pixies- Doolittle
5. The Smiths- The Queen Is Dead
6. The Stone Roses- The Stone Roses
7. Violent Femmes- Violent Femmes
8. The Jesus & Mary Chain- Psychocandy
9. Husker Du- Zen Arcade
10. The Cure- Disintegration
11. Sonic Youth- Sister
12. The Pixies- Surfer Rosa
13. Minutemen- Double Nickles On the Dime
14. U2- War
15. New Order- Power, Corruption, & Lies
16. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds- Tender Prey
17. Spacemen 3- the Perfect Prescription
18. Dinosaur Jr.- You're Living All Over Me
19. My Bloody Valentine- Isn't Anything
20. The Smiths- Meat Is Murder
21. Cowboy Junkies- The Trinity Sessions
22. REM- Reckoning
23. Gang Of Four- Solid Gold
24. Mission Of Burma- Vs.
25. Billy Bragg- Workers Playtime
26. Soft Boys- Underwater Moonlight
27. The Wipers- Over The Edge
28. Meat Puppets- II
29. The dBs- Stands for Decibels
30. Young Marble Giants- Colossal Youth

during my random morning internetting

for every child of the 80s who wasted several months/years of their life playing Mike Tyson's Punchout, the Onion has something for you to enjoy.

the KSK have been having some fun doing mock 25 Random Things About Me... Facebook notes by NFL players/coaches/prospects. their Andre Smith one is pretty funny but not nearly as disturbing as the Matt Stafford one.

as much as i fucking hate reality tv, it looks like Glenn Danzig is gonna be replacing Brett Michaels next season of Rock Of Love!!! GLENN FUCKING DANZIG!!! yeah, that guy who sang "Mother" and was in the Misfits. i can't wait to see the crazy goth/metal/punk skanks that they find for this one.

and finally, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs new song is pretty cool.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

And Now I Understand...

thanks to Kirk Lazarus for dropping this link.

i think the Mystery Of David Oku has been solved for good. who at 17 would think they could do better? i would only warn Oku to beware of white she-devils. they are not to be trusted.

i feel dirty.

let's move on.

THAT ISN'T THE REAL GIRL. Just thought i should share the facts.

Kodi Is Gonna Have To Earn It

i'm 100% okay with the news that the Auburn QB position is wide open. it would be stupid for Gus Malzahn not to make every player earn his starting job this spring. that being said, i'm still rooting for Kodi.

after i read some of Malzahn's comments about all of Auburn's qbs, i'm starting to think Neil Caudle (whom he said he knew very well & compared to Mitch Mustain) might actually be the guy he likes the best. how fuckin' crazy would that be? my biggest wonder is if Kodi lost his starting spot would he transfer? maybe take his redshirt? get ready for another fucking offseason of QB drama.

Dear Myspace, I Hate You!

so this morning i was doing my usual interneting, checking the blogs, checking my email, lookin' at porn, watching tv shows on Hulu, doing the facebook, and finally i got around to that red-headed stepchild/first love of my life The Myspace and i discovered to my horror that my account had been deleted!!! WHAT?!?! NO!!!! wait a second, is this because i keep sending threatening emails to strangers online?!! what about all my pointless rants on my blog?! what about the sluts! NO!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!! fuck you Tom! i know where you live and i will burn your giant fortress of solitude to the motherfucking ground!

is this some sort of Logan's Run type conspiracy? once you turn 30 your internet profile is killed! my fucking palm crystal never went off asshole! i seek Sanctuary!!!

after i calmed down and gathered myself from the crumpled mass of man tears and profanity that lay upon the floor i suddenly felt alive and free for the first time in my adult life. hey, i don't have a myspace account anymore. this is awesome. i can be one of those smug assholes who tells you, "yeah, i'm not on myspace anymore." this will be great! then reality hit me in the face and i rejoined about 10 minutes later...just another sucker. fuck! so yeah, if we were friends on the ol' myspace back in the day, do me a favor and re-add my lame ass.

thank you.

i was sooooo close to freedom. but it wasn't meant to be.

Auburn's Top Target For 2010

so Spring practice hasn't started yet and this year's crop of freshman aren't gonna be on campus for several more months but that isn't stopping Auburn from heavily going after their number 1 guy for the 2010 class, Jeremy Richardson, a 6-foot-4, 190-pound wide receiver from Springville, Alabama and likely the state's top prospect. Richardson's stats (61 passes for 1,228 yards and 18 touchdowns as a junior) and size are impressive and if the Spread Eagle 2: Electric Boogaloo is gonna work then the Tigers will need some playmakers like Richardson. the best thing about Richardson is that he grew up a Tigers fan, unlike most of the recent top Alabama prospects who were loyal to the Tide. here's a quote, "I started out a (Miami) Hurricane fan, but when I started growing up and learned about Auburn, I became an Auburn fan," he said. "I've pretty much been an Auburn fan all my life." he also said that when Tuberville left that it had really changed his mind about Auburn but that he likes the new coaches and is excited about how seriously they are recruiting him and he is planning on making a visit on Juniors day.

of course everyone else in the SEC is after this kid too. he's gotten offers from Bama, LSU, Florida, Arkansas, UGA, and Tennessee so if Auburn wants him they are gonna have to fight for him. in the past a kid like this probably would have about a 20% chance of coming to the Plains, but i've got some faith in the new staff and their ability to recruit. if Auburn could land an early commitment from Richardson then he might be the building block for a top 10 recruiting class in 2010...or at least that's what i hope. if you've got a rivals account i recommend checking out the kid's highlight video. sick, sick talent.

"I think it's his self-confidence in himself that make him so confident when it get down into the crunch time."

i know i'm a few days late, but this story made me very sad, as ESPN has decided to let America's favorite linguist go. watching Emmitt Smith on television these last two seasons has been a rare treat. his way with the spoken language is a thing of beauty. first ESPN took away our Irvin and now they've robbed us of Smith. how the fuck am i supposed to endure Chris Berman if their isn't an illiterate former Cowboy on the set to supply me some comedy relief? for shame.

Awful Announcing put together a list of his favorite Emmittisms. enjoy.

next Year KB and I are planning on starting a new fantasy football league that was inspired by Smith's famous "Rice Of Passage" line. thank you for all of your hard work Emmitt. you will be missed.

The Dawgs Better Off Without Stafford and Knowshon?

so i was listening to the local Athens sports talk show "The Home Team" this morning on The Ref (man i love sportstalk radio station names) and they were talking about the fact that a lot of returning Georgia players have been calling out last year's team for it's lack of leadership and that the team is more unified going into next season. Tight End Aaron White had the most damning comment about last year's team with this little nugget, "There's a lot more of a team mentality around right now," (White) said. "We're not focused on he's a star and we've got to go to him. We're more focused on everybody's got to work together and pull their own weight."

after White made his comments several other players came out and said basically the same kind of thing. nobody went and called out Stafford or Knowshon or anybody who is gone but after i read this interview/article about Joe Cox and the kind of firey leadership he wants to bring to the Dawgs that they've been lacking you can read between the lines and see that Matt Stafford may be the most gifted UGA QB they've ever had but he didn't have much going in the leadership department. so yeah, maybe Mark Sanchez isn't such a bad choice with the #1 pick after all.

if you are a Georgia fan you can only look at this stuff as a positive. it's called the Patrick Ewing effect, which is summed up as a team with a star athlete receives an inordinate amount of media attention and fan interest, and yet his teams never win anything substantial with him. then that players leaves and the team is written off by the media but actually improves thanks to having less pressure and better team chemistry. Georgia may be losing a lot in the talent department, but the team seems like they are feeling better off without them. i said it right after Stafford and Moreno declared for the draft that i wouldn't be surprised if the Dawgs shocked everyone and won the SEC next year. i'd at least assume they'll be good enough to win 10 or 11 games and get back to a BCS bowl with a game manager like Joe Cox and a veteran offensive line blocking for a trio of runningbacks with different skill sets. plus there is no way their defense could possibly be as bad as it was last year as long as Jeff Owens and Geno Atkins can stay healthy. so yeah, don't sleep on the Dawgs next year.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Something Funny To Share

Dr. Saturday has seen your depth chart and he knows your pain. this post about Spring Practice stock players nearly made me spit my smoothie out of my nose. have fun casting your favorite Auburn players in each of these rolls.

Dedicated to the winners and the losers, Dedicated to all jeeps and land cruisers

me and the Wu Tang Clan are having a highschool Reunion today. it's all GZA Liquid Swords and Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) today. so yeah...the blogging is gonna suffer. besides i said i'd give it up for Lent...or not.

it should also be noted that Atlanta's favorite sons the Black Lips have unleashed their newest album 200 Million Thousand today. i've been alternating between it and the Wu-Tang clan all morning in an attempt to write some kind of music review about how the Lips have taken the Wu Tangs place as my favorite grimy punks of all time...but yeah it ain't happening. my writing and reasoning skills aren't what they used to be. all that said, if you are a fan of the Rock and/or Roll then the Lips' newest offer is the earlier leader for best album of 2009. and with songs like "Drugs", "I Saw God", and "Big Black Jesus Of Today" how could it not be the album of the year?

You Can't Out Recruit Love

dude, we've got hot women too...

So the nation's #1 All Purpose Back, David Oku, who was the last player left on the recruiting wishlist just moved to Lincoln, Nebraska to be with the girlfriend he met on his recruiting visit. he hasn't committed to the Huskers yet...but he has committed to their ladies. so yeah, he's going to Nebraska.

now, far be it of me to criticize a young man in love...the p is a powerful thing...i understand. but i'd just like to inform Mr. Oku that i've been to Lincoln and i've seen their women, you can do better for yourself at Auburn.

just sayin'.

i don't really care. we've got like 20 runningbacks on scholarship right now, i just wanted to post that picture.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Andre Smith=Dumb, Knowshon=Slow

apparently Andre Smith is fat, lazy, and possibly dumb and for that his draft stock is falling like a stone. he's likely dropped out of the top 10 and might be the 4th tackle taken in the draft. as far as i'm concerned he's the best prospect available and if he somehow falls to where the Falcons are drafting they'd be crazy not to take him. sucks for his bank account though. Big Boy, you can't just LEAVE the NFL combine!!! what the fuck is the matter with you kid?

but hey it could be worse for Andre Smith. he could be one of the slowest running backs in the entire draft like some guy named Knowshon something or other who used to play for some team. apparently he ran a 4.62!!! at the combine. for a runningback that's like "old people fucking" slow. i mean Chris Ogbonnaya who was a fullback at Texas ran faster than Moreno. it's kind of hard to believe as Knowshon never seemed to have any trouble running away from Auburn players while scoring touchdowns. luckily for Knowshon this is the weakest runningback class in years and it's doubtful he'll fall out of the 1st round...but ya never know.

Oscar Thoughts

I'm really glad Slumdog Millionaire won best picture because other than Dark Knight it really was the best movie I saw all year and it's that rare Oscar winner that's both a piece of art and a true crowd pleaser.

Mickey Rourke got totally robbed, even if Sean Penn was really good that was Rourke's only real chance to ever win an Oscar and his Oscar speech would've been awesome. Sean Penn is a humorless dick who takes himself way to seriously and he's already won his Oscar for being king of the Over-Actors club. Guess Rourke maybe shouldn't have talked so much shit before the votes were in.

Danny Boyle winning best director kinda blows my mind. He is part of the class of young filmmakers from the 90s (with Tarantino, PT Anderson, Wes Anderson, etc...) who made really COOL films that defined that decade for me and made me interested in film as something more than just goin' to the movies. But if you asked me which one of those guys was gonna win an Oscar first...the guy who made Trainspotting & Shallow Grave would've been my last guess.

Wolverine did a pretty awesome job hosting, maybe they should stick with actors over comedians for a while.

Why do they bother having an Animation award when the Pixar movie wins everytime? It's like Women's Softball in the Olympics where the USA just dominates the world until the Olympics just cancel that shit.

If I could add one more category to the Oscars i'd like to see an award for best Genre film. It'd be cool to see horror, sci fi, action, & comedies that aren't the typical Oscar kind get some love besides in the special fx department.

And finally the shit was tooooooo loooooong as usual, so maybe if they cut out all the damn montages and musical numbers then they might knock that shit out in less than 3 & a half hours. Just sayin'.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Being Friends With Auburn Players On Facebook Makes Me Feel Creepy

yeah me and Sen'Derrick Marks and Quentin Groves are totally friends, dude. we like hang out on the internet and stuff.

when i think about it, i start to believe that Facebook may have been the worst thing to ever happen to College Football since they created the BCS. it's gotten a few players kicked off their teams or arrested and if i was a coach i'd ban my players from having them.

of course, even worse than that would be that i am a 30 year old man sending friend requests to teenage and 20 something football players like i'm on a mad rampage to collect them all as if they were Pokemon cards. this should probably be put to a stop. regardless it is worth a good laugh to read the profiles of players from your favorite college football team. Mario Fannin told Tryik Rollinson, "a foo..u aint big homo..but how school goin my boi u handlen that?" and me being old and white, i have no idea what that means. still i'm friends with them both on facebook, and it gives me something else to blog about when nothing is going on in the college football world.

oh, in case you were wondering, all the Auburn players have terrible taste in movies. then again they're 18 and from the state of Alabama so it wasn't like they had much of a chance anyways. and i feel dirty just for knowing it.

My Atlanta Falcons Offseason Wishlist

bring back the RED Helmets! yeah, it'll never happen.

i should go ahead and say that for someone who did nothing but bitch and moan at everything that the Falcons did last offseason from hire Mike Smith (who?), to sign Michael Turner (waste of money for a career backup), to draft Matt Ryan (BUST!!!!) that my opinions should be put into a rocket and fired into the sun. when it comes to pro-football i known even less of what i am talking about than the drivel i spout off about the college game. i'm just gonna acknowledge that the Falcons finally have a GM who knows that the fuck he's doing and for the first time in my entire life i actually BELIEVE in the Falcons and honestly think they'll become an elite franchise as long as nothing bad happens to Matt Ryan. still i am a monkey with a typewriter and i can't help but throw my pointless/stupid/and WRONG WRONG WRONG opinions out there for all to see. and so i've come up with my Offseason wish list for the Falcons that hopefully takes them from a wildcard team to a possible title contender.

1. last year Atlanta made a big splash by bringing in Michael Turner and basically transforming the entire offense over night. this offseason i would LOVE to see the Falcons make a play for Albert Haynesworth (who just announced he is gonna
test the market). bringing in Haynesworth would instantly improve the Falcons run defense and give them a franchise player on that side of the ball to surround with young talent through the draft.

2. GET RID OF KEITH BROOKING!!! the fact that Keith Brooking survived last season's veteran cutting spree is probably the only bad move that the Falcons made. Brooking hasn't been worth a shit since Dan Reeves was the coach. he can't cover runningbacks or tight ends and he's more likely to tackle a player for a first down then he is to actually make a good play. if a single play can sum up how useless Keith Brooking is to the defense then i will just remind you all of the game clenching play that Arizona made in their playoff win where Brooking left the tight end WIDE OPEN in the middle of the field on a 3rd & 16 play that resulted in a 23 yard gain and ended Atlanta's season. he's old and white and slow and he's been stealing money from Atlanta for years. much like Jeff Francoeur is to the Braves, Keith Brooking is to the Falcons. hell he couldn't even start for most teams in the league. just let him go Atlanta. he ain't Ray Lewis.

3. bring back Michael Jenkins. i know he's largely been a disappointment for Atlanta, but last season he finally showed that he was worth a shit...and i'm starting to believe he and Roddy White were good all along but just had Mike Vick hurling uncatchable missiles at them. with Jenkins, White, and Harry Douglas the Falcons would have one of the better young receiving groups in the NFL.

4. with their first round pick the Falcons need to draft the best possible defensive tackle who is available...BJ Raji of Boston College, Peria Jerry of Ole Miss, or the one that would make me the most happy Sen'Derrick Marks of Auburn...any of those 3 guys would be a solid pick up for Atlanta and gives them a force in the middle for years to come. i've seen a lot of mock drafts that have Atlanta taking Oklahoma State tight end Brandon Pettigrew with their first selection. if they could get him the 2nd round i'd be okay with that, but wasting a 1st rounder on a Tight End when this team's biggest issue is the defense and it's ability to stop the run would be totally foolish. unless Rey Maulaluga somehow fell to the Falcons i want them to take a D-Tackle. and the way Marks seems to be falling in the draft i think Atlanta could end up with both Jerry and Marks with their first and 2nd round picks. i'd only wanna see them do that if they couldn't land Haynesworth.

5. add a big hitting free safety thought the draft. Lawyer Miloy ain't getting any younger. William Moore of Missouri (the only defender on their team worth a damn) and Patrick Chung of Oregon could be possibilities in the 2nd or 3rd round.

6. i'd love to see them add some depth at linebacker with their 3rd round pick. i don't have anyone in mind, just as long as he doesn't come from the Big 10.

7. just for the fuck of it and because i love the guy, if Pat White is still available in the 4th or 5th round then i would love for the Falcons to pick him up. he could be a 4th receiver, a punt returner, and a wildcat QB for the Dirty Birds.

Positive Vibe Fridays: Hip Hop Is Dead

Geto Boys- My Mind Is Playin' Tricks On Me

rap songs about freaking out on PCP that have videos featuring a midget doing a flying jump punch are the sort of thing that get me ready for the weekend.

it's a toss up for me as to which genre of music has lost it's way more...punk rock or hip hop. i guess Hip Hop is still relevant and shit like Fall Out Boy is what passes for punk it's probably punk. but besides Lil Wayne, what hip hop artist that's hugely popular (and by HUGELY POPULAR i mean shit that white people have heard of...Kanye doesn't count anymore because he's lost his damn mind...although one might argue that appealing to white folks is what ruined hip hop in the first place. just ask Nas.) is still worth a shit? i'm sure Kenniebloggins will have a lecture for me.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

the internet finds new ways to eat up my less than valuable time

i was gonna spend today writing a long winded and pointless rant about Braves GM Frank Wren detailing all his various fuck ups since taking over for John Schuerholz. and then i was gonna work on my top 25 worst uniforms in college football rankings (i've got about 50 teams that i'm trying to wade through) and then finally i was gonna make a wish list of players that i'd like to see the Atlanta Falcons draft. luckily i don't get paid to write my blog and i can fuck off and do nothing all day and it's totally ok. so instead of being productive (if you call what i do here productive) i've been playing with my account and making playlists. last night i went Post-Punk crazy and today i'm all about some Garage Rock...a genre that is near and dear to me heart as i wasted several years of my youth playing in a garage band here in Athens (it's also where the stupid and confusing blogger nickname comes case you were wondering). anyways lala is a little lacking in the garage rocker-y ans so i wasn't able to include a lot of my favorite songs. but still i think i was able to put together a pretty kick ass playlist all the same.

so if you are at work and fucking around near and computer then enjoy the tunes.

so i skipped out on last night's Auburn/UGA game thanks in part to fact that Athens was under Tornado watch when the game started. also noone wanted to go with me and watch the Dawgs lose. and thirdly i totally had forgotten it was Wednesday and that means LOST and no meaningless college basketball game stands a chance against John Locke.

i listened to most of the first half on the radio while my two dogs barked at the wind. about the time that Auburn had a 27 point lead i decided to turn and game off. i checked back in the 4th quarter expecting the Tigers to be 100-20, but instead UGA had decided to attempt and make a game of it. it was at this point that i was happy i hadn't gone because the stress of watching Georgia get within 6 points would have driven even an apathetic basketball fan like myself into a nervous breakdown. besides, LOST totally ruled last night. oh well, Auburn still won and they've got a winning record in the SEC. yeah, i know...that sounds totally weird. who know? maybe some miracle could get this team into the NCAA tournament thereby guaranteeing i blow 30 dollars that i don't have in a tournament pool.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Does Anyone Want To Play For The Braves?

hey remember that random excitement i had for Braves baseball with the news that Ken Griffey Jr. was coming to town? yeah well fuck it! it isn't happening.

Can the Braves just fire Frank Wren right now? i mean honestly losing out on Griffey to his first team the Mariners isn't really that upsetting, but when Atlanta has done virtually NOTHING to improve possibly the WORST FUCKING OUTFIELD in baseball and they've been turned down by nearly every single free agent that they've gone after...well it's just enough to make me lose my fucking mind. good thing i don't care about baseball anymore.

and as far as Griffey going back to Seatle...dude? that's like gettin back together with your girlfriend from highschool at's just sad. she's not as cute as you remember and she likes Grey's Anatomy and you are totally an It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia kind of guy. plus she still sucks at doin' it...just sayin'.

Last Night A Book About Post-Punk Saved (ate up several hours of) My Life

what's more arty than trying to destroy art? that's a question and a central theme posed in the book Rip It Up And Start Again by Simon Reynolds, by far the most interesting thing i've read in a long time. it tells the story of the postpunk/DIY era from 1978-1984 (aka the greatest music ever made that no one fucking ever talks about in the established music media except when lazy dicked music journalists try to compare shitty douchebag cockgobblins to Joy Division or Gang Of Four). this book is as essential as Please Kill Me for fans of underground rock and roll or for people who are interested in the political and social climates of early '80s England and America (a time that is not unlike the one we are living in now...but instead of the fear of the Reds nuking us all to hell we get Islamic extremists shoved up our asses like a big fucking broomstick of neu-boogie man).

anyways do yourself a favor if you can pull yourself out from behind your Twilight book (you big fucking nerd) and check out this awesome study of the music scene that really saved rock and roll from itself.

if this book has done anything, besides kill a Tuesday afternoon for me it's made me wanna give a shit about music again and go out and fucking make some more of if only i could sucker a couple of assholes into making some racket with me. regardless, i am declaring myself UN-Retired. so if you need an ego maniac lead singer who can dance around like a fool and will steal all the glory then hit me up.

ten essential albums from the postpunk era that every music lover should own.

gang of four-entertainment!
joy division-unknown pleasures
public image ltd.- metal box/second edition
the fall- live at the witch trials
wire-pink flag
pere ubu-the modern dance
the birthday party-prayers on fire
the slits-cut
magazine- real life

and if you are one of those types who doesn't really listen to albums (aka a douche) then here is a playlist of songs that you should download...

anyways more snobbish music lessons to come with the long offseason underway and nothing to write about besides baseball.

To Basketball Or Not To Basketball?

so the Auburn Men's B-Ball squad (aka HOTTEST TEAM IN THE SEC BABY!!!) is in town tonight taking on the trainwreck of doom that is the UGA Basketball team. it's $15 dollars for some pretty low quality college basketball with zero guys who will ever play in the NBA taking up valuable amounts of my time that could be spent playing NCAA 2009 or watching season 1 of Californication on DVD. and these are the delimas that haunt me. if this were a choose your own adventure novel then i'd likely be eaten by a dragon on the very next page. regardless, noone i've talked to seems all that into the idea of watching my Tigers whip up on their Dawgs. come on, UGA just beat the Gators...where's your spirit Athens?

Alabama Is For Lovers

my good friend, noted shit talker, and fellow Alabama ex-patriot Kenniebloggins shot me a link to an article about a brawl that went down between Montgomery's G.W. Carver High School and Valley High during the 5A Boys State Basketball Playoffs. you may or may not have seen this elsewhere on the Interweb but regardless here's the video.

Griffey choo-choo-chooses Atlanta

Hey, at least someone wants to be a Brave besides just Tom Glavine. Griffey Jr announced that he's coming to the ATL which just made the 300 die hard Braves fans who live in Metro Atlanta happy. Actually I feel like a douche for making the tired old "they don't have any fans joke". Atlanta has tons of fans, hell Nike did a study (or maybe it was MLB who knows) and the Braves were ranked the 3rd most popular franchise in baseball, ahead of every douchebag bandwagon jumper who doesn't really care about baseball's favorite team The Boston Fucking Redsox. Sadly none of those Braves fans live in Atlanta because it's a haven for SEC alumni who don't like baseball because it cuts into college football time and then assholes from the North and Midwest who love the Mets and Cubs.

Okay, sorry for that rant. Who am I fooling though? I could care less about Atlanta anymore either, I soured on baseball years ago and the 'roid shit had just made it worse. Still Ken Griffey Jr. Was my favorite non-Braves/non-Bo Jackson baseball player of all time and that snot nosed kid who still lives inside me is gonna make it out to see Junior play next season in his Braves' Navy & Red and will be excited to do so.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Whitest Kids R Coming 2 Athens

one of my favorite sketch comic troupes, The Whitest Kids You Know, are currently on tour and will be making their way to Athens, GA on March 3rd. it's free for Students and 5 bucks for townie trash.
a quick sample: getting high with dinosaurs. you are welcome.

Auburn's 10 Most Important Players For the 09 Season

1. Whoever the Hell Plays QB


2. Antonio Coleman

Coleman will be the leader of the defense next year and will need to both stay healthy and make big plays if Auburn wants to remain among the elite defenses in the country.

3. Mario Fannin

can you believe Auburn hasn't had a 1,000 yard rusher since Kenny Irons Junior season? that feels like a lifetime ago. Fannin has shown flashes of brilliance as well as the desire to randomly fumble the ball for no reason. Auburn fans have been expecting this kid to become a play maker ever since his freshman year. he finally had his breakout game against the Dawgs last year before mysteriously being benched during the final drive. Fannin is the most NFL caliber back that Auburn currently has on it's roster (the new freshmen not counted) and under the new offense i'm hoping he finally can be that ALL-SEC back that we all hoped for.

4. Montez Billings

really this could have been ANY Wide Receiver as Auburn doesn't seem to have any of value at the moment. Billings is a senior and during the final games of the season showed that he could be a go to guy for Kodi Burns. i really thought Billings was gonna be the heir to Courtney Taylor last season but with the way the offense imploded no one was given a chance to make plays. i'm hoping that Billings explodes during his final year and vaults himself to ALL-SEC honors and an NFL draft pick.

5. Josh Bynes

with MR. Overrated, Tray Blackmon, now officially gone Bynes will be the QB of the defense.

6. Aairon Savage

Savage is returning from injury after missing all of the 2008 season. he's also gonna have to step in and replace Jarraud Powers who left early for the NFL. Savage has played safety and cornerback for Auburn and is a hard hitter. he likely will start at corner this season.

7. Lee Ziemba

what the fuck happened to Lee Ziemba? this guy had future 1st round pick written all over him as a Freshman but last season was the living embodiment of Auburn's confusion on offense. i don't think i've even cursed Brandon Cox' name as many times as i did Ziemba last year. this year he needs to step up and anchor the Tiger front and quit getting stupid penalties. hopefully he'll regain the promise he showed in 07.

8. Ben Tate

it Fannin can't get it done, Tate should. although not as quick, he's a more powerful runner and a good pass blocker. he can also catch which is a needed skill in the spread.

9. Jake Ricks

Auburn lost both Sen'Derrick Marks to the NFL and Tez Doolittle to graduation and with them went Auburn's starting defensive tackles. Ricks has been inconsistent during his time with Auburn but could have a break out year as a Senior.

10. Philip Pierre-Louis

the fastest player on the team could help out in both and passing game as the slot receiver and as a kick and punt returner. if you watch his youtube highlights you see that he was a playmaker in highschool, Auburn had planned on using him last year as a true Freshman but he was lost for the season on the opening kickoff of 08. hopefully he can bring the speed and playmaking ability this year that he wasn't able to last.

as per usual i have no idea what the hell i am talking about and these are just random words trying to escape my brain and fill up space on the internet for fear that they may go wasted.

Monday, February 16, 2009

A Lifetime Of Defeats Spring Fashion Preview In The Works

a couple of offseasons ago i compiled my personal Top 25 best uniforms in college football. this offseason i am working on the WORST OF list and if anyone wants to feed me their opinions i'm all ears. it should be noted that Oregon is number 1 and there isn't even room for debate.

when you put emo wings on your jersey there really is no coming back from that. hell the Ducks might even get their own top 10 list with those 2504834 possible uni-combinations that they've got going on in Nikeland....i mean Eugene.

My College Football Offseason Resolutions

1. i pledge to avoid reading the comments sections of most of the Auburn blogs i frequent so as to avoid having my IQ taken down any further.

2. i promise to not allow myself to get too excited about Auburn's chances next year even if i go to the Spring Game and the new offense appears to be as possibly explosive as i'd hoped we were gonna be last year.

3. i promise to get this shirt and wear it every Saturday next fall.

4. i promise to quit making these.

5. i promise not to stalk new Auburn recruits on the facebook.

Griffey Coming to the Braves?

he can't actually do this anymore. just so you know.

Considering Atlanta's failure to land any talent this offseason it seems doubtful that Jr. will be calling Atlanta his home next season, but regardless ESPN is saying there is a good chance it could happen. So does adding Griffey make the Braves any less irrelevant than they already are? Not really. It does get your average sports fan who quit paying attention to Baseball in 1998 excited, and that largely sums up the Braves' fanbase. Besides, haven't you heard, the 90s are back. If Junior comes to the ATL then I'll bust out my flannel shirts and Soundgarden records and make it out to the Ted a couple of times to see him play, hopefully before he goes down with an injury and misses 90 games.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

You've All Just Been Served By Shaq

by far this was the best moment of the NBA All Star Weekend.

so is their any doubt that Shaq is gonna be on Dancing With The Stars once he retires? think of how hilarious it will be. Shaq rules.

and as much as i enjoyed seeing Nate Robinson's tiny ass dunkin' over Dwight Howard, it still isn't nearly as awesome as the time he blocked Yao. if Yao isn't the most useless bigman ever then i don't know who is...okay Shawn Bradley comes to mind.

that midget can ball.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

69 love songs

Valentines Day 09 playlist

1. Kanye West- Love Lockdown
2. Panda Bear- Song for Ariel
3. The Byrds- Have you seen her face?
4. Yo la tengo- Somebody's baby
5. T Rex- Mambo sun
6. David Bowie- soul love
7. Billy Bragg- she's got a new spell
8. My Bloody Valentine- soft as snow (warm inside)
9. Jesus & Mary Chain- just like honey
10. New Order- temptation
11. Magnetic Fields- underwear
12. King Khan & BBQ Show- love you so
13. The Sonics- have love will travel
14. Neil Young- like a hurricane
15. Syd Barrett- love you
16. Lilys- will my lord be gardening
17. Zombies- I love you
18. The Beatles- if I fell
19. The Smiths- hand in glove
20. The Strokes- meet me in the bathroom
21. Roky Erickson- starry eyes
22. The Clean- I wait around
23. Husker Du- Green Eyes
24. Sonic Youth- genetic
25. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Maps
26. The Walkmen- there goes my baby
27. Unrest- make out club
28. Roxy Music- more than this
29. Suicide- cheree
30. Stone Roses- this is the one
31. Big Star- I'm in love with a girl
32. Love- always see your face
33. The Replacements- I will dare
34. Van Morrison- straight to your heart like a cannonball
35. The Clientele- we could walk together
36. Echo & the Bunnymen- lips like sugar
37. Nico- I'll keep it with mine
38. Bob Dylan- I want you
39. Beach Boys- wouldn't it be nice
40. Neutral Milk Hotel- Naomi
41. Wilco- I'm the man who loves you
42. Velvet Underground- here she comes now
43. Joy Division- heart and soul
44. Iggy Pop- fall in love with me
45. The Church- under the milky way
46. The Rolling Stones- she's a rainbow
47. Brian Jonestwon Massacree- this is why you love me
48. White Stripes- my doorbell
49. Johnny Cash- I walk the line
50. Old 97s- jagged
51. Verbena- the song that ended your career
52. Rollerskate Skinny- speed to my side
53. Clinic- distortions
54. Wire- feeling called love
55. John Lennon- oh my love
56. Louvin Brothers- knoxville girl
57. Leonard Cohen- chelsea hotel #2
58. Donovan- colours
59. Joe Tex- the love you save (may be your own)
60. The Faces- stay with me
61. Teenage Fanclub- what you do to me
62. Air- playground love
63. Nick Cave- into my arms
64. Siouxsie & the Banshees- the last beat of my heart
65. Cat Power- sea of love
66. Mercury Rev- in a funny way
67. Radiohead- all I need
68. Spiritualized- any way you want me
69. Black Heart Procession- its a crime I never told you about the diamonds in your eyes

Friday, February 13, 2009

Who Wants To Be An Auburn QB? The 2009 Version.

Quarterback. it's the make or break it position in college football. no team without one has a realistic chance of winning a title. it could be argued that there isn't a more important position in the world of sports, Pro or College. sadly Auburn has been without a truly great one since Stan White. as much talent as Jason Campbell had, he really only shined his senior year. Dameyune Craig was the last play maker we had at the position...but that never resulted in any titles. timing is a bitch. if Auburn is ever going to win another SEC title again then someone has to step up at this position and become and leader and a winner.

but does Auburn even have a guy on the team right now who can be that guy? hell, they don't even really know who their starter is going to be next year.

Kodi Burns would of course be the early leader in the clubhouse to be the starter in 09, but he hasn't exactly been the model of consistency when he has been given the opportunity to play. one would argue that Kodi should have been redshirted his freshman year and never been forced onto the field in 07 thereby wasting a year of his eligibility, that same line of thought would also tell you that you should probably cut the kid some slack when Tony Franklin did everything he could to push Chris Todd as the guy last year...hurting Kodi's confidence and never giving him much of a chance to succeed. once Franklin was shuffled out the door the offense turned into a flaming pile of dogshit and despite Burns best efforts (he did show us something against Ole Miss and UGA) it just wasn't happening. hell, not even Sam Bradford could've made the grab bag of garbage go at the end of the year.

when i look at the kid i am reminded of two other QBs by the names of Dennis Dixon and Jason Campbell who had their talents wasted for 3 seasons before the light clicked on for each of them and they emerged as stars. i'm holding out hope that Burns will have the same sort of transformation under Gus Malzhan that Jason Campbell did under Al Borges and i think most positive Tigers fans feel the same way.

of course if you ever head on over to and wait for any post about the QB position or the offense in general you'll get a quick dose of Kodi haters who'll be quick to point out that Burns sucks and that's he's stupid. whenever i see people making judgements about the intelligence of a young QB who happens to be black the racism alarm goes off in my brain. it can't be helped. i grew up in the South, i know how people think and i hear what they say when they think they can get away with it. when a white QB struggles you would often hear a number of accusations thrown his way, rarely are they ever about his mental capacity. i mean i called Brandon Cox all sorts of unflattering things...but i never said he was a dumbass.

regardless as to which side you stand on the Kodi debate, he's still the teams best option for next season and so i'd be surprised if he wasn't the starter next year. honestly i'd just like to see what the guy can do if he doesn't have to worry about looking over his shoulder.

of course that's probably too much to hope for. there are just too many damn QBs on the roster right now for there not to be an open competition in the Spring. so who's Kodi's biggest challenger?

Chris Todd

Chris Todd came to the Plains last year after being hand selected by Tony Franklin to run the Spread Eagle. after both he and Burns played each other to a virtual tie in Spring ball, noone emerged as a instead we got Co-QBs...but once Kodi was injured Franklin used this opportunity to push Todd into the starting role. sadly Todd had zero arm strength and even less mobility and it was kinda like watching Brandon Cox run the spread if Brandon didn't have any of his guts and leadership ability. after the season completely fell into the ocean Todd was benched and Burns was made the starter. Chris Todd had another shoulder surgery this offseason but it remains to be seen if he'll actually be able to take any snaps and compete for the job in the Spring. honestly i feel bad for the guy, but he'd probably best be served by transferring to a D-II school and just saving us all the trouble.

Neil Caudle

Neil Caudle was a Rivals & Scout 4 Star recruit, an EA Sports Elite 11 QB, and was seen as the heir apparent to Brandon Cox back in 2006...sadly the kid has never risen higher than 3rd on the depth charts. he's dealt with a number of injury issues all the way back to highschool that have pretty much killed his development, plus he was recruited to run Al Borges' West Coast offense and Auburn has obviously gone in a different direction. Caudle does have a good arm and some athletic ability...or at least that's what i thought when i watched him in last year's A-Day game and in the limited action he saw during the homecoming game last year. the biggest knock on Neil is that he loves to throw some interceptions (but hey, what Auburn QB doesn't?) i'm really surprised that he hasn't transferred to a different school already...he must just like Auburn a lot. i just don't ever see him getting a shot unless injuries are what put him on the field. for a kid who was recruited by Michigan, Louisville, Miami, and LSU you would have assumed that he'd have been a star at Auburn. this is why getting too excited about recruiting rankings is a bad idea.

Barrett Trotter

the strongest challenger to Burns comes in the form of a lightly recruited redshirt fresman by the name of Barrett Trotter. last year during the Season Of Death, Tuberville strongly considered burning Trotter's redshirt and starting him against West Virginia...or at least he talked about it. that never happened, but ever since the Kodi haters have looked towards Barrett as their savior of the program. as the old saying goes, nobody is more popular than the backup quarterback. honestly i don't have any real opinions about Trotter as a player as i haven't ever seen him play...nor have most Auburn fans. what i do know is that he was a 3 star recruit (#46 rated QB in the nation by Scout) who had offers from Duke, Army, UAB, and Troy. when Auburn signed him i sorta just shrugged my shoulders and figured he'd be a career backup. he's a small guy at 6 foot 1 and 192 pounds, so it's not like he's got NFL size or anything. he had really great stats in highschool but then again so did all these other guys. i honestly think all the love being thrown Trotter's way is mostly just coming from the hope that he has to be better than Burns. i honestly don't believe it...but hey, i don't really know anything about the kid.

Tyrik Rollinson

the current leader in the FUTURE SAVIOR OF AUBURN FOOTBALL comes in the form of our new recruit Mr. Tyrik Rollinson. he's the nation's number 2 dual threat prospect and comes from that great QB producing state of Texas. he's got eye popping numbers and seems custom built for Auburn's new offense. sadly he seems to have spent more time being awesome at football and less time doing his school work and there may be some issues with him qualifying. DANGER, WILL ROBINSON! assuming Rollinson does get into school there's going to be a pretty strong cry from some fans to get this kid on the field sooner instead of later, hell if you give me too many beers on a gameday that sees Auburn doing their typical FAILjob then i might be one of those idiots as well. honestly if Rollinson is the best QB then i'm ok with him starting but really i'd be a lot happier with him redshirting for a year and then competing for the job in 2010...or better yet being the starter in 2011. i mean he HE DOES HAVE A REALLY AWESOME HAIRCUT....but really i'd rather just not worry about us throwing another true freshman who isn't ready to the hungry wolfpacks of the SEC, if that's okay with you.

Clint Moseley

our final contestant in WHO WANTS TO BE AN AUBURN QB? would be in the form of our other new recruit, Clint Moseley. Moseley was MR. ALABAMA Football this season which is pretty fucking awesome for a guy who played at a tiny ass little school. he won 3 straight state titles as a starter and he's got winner written all over him. he's also got 3 stars attached to his Rivals profile and was most likely gonna go to South Alabama before Auburn came along and gave him a scholarship. if Moseley takes any snaps this season then it'll be because everyone else is either injured, dead, or missing. my most hopeful scenario for Moseley is that he redshirts and then is the backup for Rollinson until Tyrik wins Auburn a national title in his Junior year and then rides off into the sun for the NFL millions, leaving Moseley as the starter in his final season which also ends in a title...or something. hey, i can dream right?

so yeah, those are my thoughts. just MY thoughts. i don't really know what the fuck i am talking about and i don't really even have a point other than Kodi Burns still seems like the best option to me until someone proves me otherwise.

who are you rooting for in the QB crapshoot?

Positive Vibes Friday: The 13th

so that Friday the 13th remake comes out today. it's sad that i quit smoking pot years ago as this would been the perfect opportunity to indulge.

9 Minutes Of Jason's Greatest Hits.

of course i can save you a lot of trouble and post the GREATEST DEATH SCENE IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES. the infamous sleeping bag scene. enjoy.

since they are updating the franchise for a new generation, shouldn't Jason be wearing a current goalie mask?

just kidding.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

This Is So Perfect That I Can't Believe It Took This Long

yeah, i want to cry too.

so yeah, if the rumors are true then T.O. could be an Oakland Raider soon enough.

this falls into the category of: so fucking ridiculous that you'd think the Onion wrote it.


so sadly obvious that it's enough to make me burn my vintage Bo Jackson jersey in a final act of rage against a team i once called my favorite.

let's see...didn't Oakland go down this path once before with Randy Moss? how'd that work out again? it's good to see Undead Al is still into collecting aging veteran stars who are past their primes or aren't worth the trouble of putting them on their squad. yeah i'm sure this is just the thing to push the Raiders back into relevance and won't in any way end up a complete fucking disaster.

what are the odds Pac-Man Jones joins with in Silver & Black next season? i gotta think they're 2/1.

oh my poor beloved DMac. don't worry dear Fantasy Football friend. we are sending an elite team to get you out of that crazy town as soon as we can.

Basketball? That's Still Happening?

so apparently Auburn's mens b-ball squad is on a bit of a hot streak of late and are almost back to respectability (and by that i mean .500 in the SEC). they aren't nearly the unstoppable Juggernaut that is the women's hoops team, but yeah they aren't exactly the typical completely shitty basketball team either. with any luck they might just find themselves stumbling into an NIT berth...but probably not. look, i don't pretend to know or care anything about college basketball. all the good players leave after one or two years and the only time it's fun to watch is during the conference tournaments and the opening rounds of the NCAA's. but i do try and have at least a borderline love for the men's basketball team if they happen to be on a television and i happen to not be able to find any reruns of Buffy The Vampire Slayer on tv. sadly not too many Auburn men's games tend to come on and so i've seen about 2 minutes of the team all season, but luck be told these Tigers are traveling to my fine city of Athens to take on the shittiest team in the shittiest conference in all the land, the Georgia Bulldogs next week on February 18. i think tickets are like $15...which in this economy is asking a lot from people to endure such low quality athletics, but it's better than sitting in my house and dominating the computer in NCAA Football 09 every night. so yeah, if you are interested hit me up.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Some Old Douchebag Decided To Retire...AGAIN

i mean, i can't believe it didn't work out in New York. i'm shocked. who would have imagined that? maybe you shouldn've stayed retired last year, huh? yeah. probably so.

so Favre is retiring.......


who even cares anymore?

oh wait i guess i do if i am blogging about it.


i hate you, Brett. go away and never come back.