Saturday, June 28, 2008


the winningest Uga of all time died today in Savanah of congestive heart failure. he was only ten years old. as much as i hate Georgia fans, i fucking love that ugly ass little dog. best fucking mascot in college football history. even better than that crazy buffalo. luckily for Uga all dogs go to heaven. pour a 40 out tonight people.

have you started preparing for your fantasy football season yet?

if you said yes then you are a nerd.

when i was at Borders buying my Phil Steele i noticed all the fantasy football draft guides were out. i've decided against purchasing one of these and instead will just draft whoever the fuck comes to mind. no strategies this year. strategies didn't win us a championship last year despite having a backfield of Purple Jesus and Joseph Addai. so this year the Thug Apologists will just wing it.

fantasy football leagues will be gathering soon to do their get your photoshop and gayjokes ready. you will need them. some leagues are requiring essays for new membership...i shit you not. my gaydar registers this as a 9. other leagues are more casual. members are not informed of their league's registration or whether or not the league still exists. this is what happens when drugs and fantasy football commissioners collide. girlfriends everywhere are rolling their eyes and giving us stern looks while we sit in a corner of the bar debating on which round would be best to take Darren McFadden. much money will be spent on useless draft guides, chicken wings, and beer.

5 realistic observations of the top SEC contenders next season

1. Georgia- UGA fans are living high on the hog right now. The Dawgs are likely to be the AP number 1 team when the first poll comes out. they've got a lot of players returning from a team that went 11-2. they've got a star studded backfield of Stafford and Moreno. all iss good in the land of Athens. but when i look into my crystal ball i don't really see a National Championship. they've got one of the toughest schedules in the country that includes trips to Arizona State, LSU, Auburn, and Jacksonville to face the Gators. last season was a success for the team but they were a lot closer to having four losses than they were to being undefeated. it took Vandy fumbling as they were driving for a winning score and then UGA taking it down the field and kicking a game winning field goal to beat the Commodores. and it took overtime to beat Alabama. the Dawgs lost to a pretty average South Carolina team that always seems to play them close and then got completely blown out by Tennessee (something the Vols seem to do a lot of against Georgia). they're biggest wins were against Florida who had a banged up Quarterback and nothing you'd call a reliable secondary and then they manhandled Auburn in the second half once the Tigers forgot how to tackle. they closed out the year by destroying an overmatched and overrated Hawaii team who was really just happy to be in a BCS bowl game. so i think the number 2 ranking they ended up with was a little bit undeserving...regardless expectations have never been higher in the Bulldog Nation and anything less than the SEC title is gonna be viewed as a disappointment.

2. Florida- The Gators go into the 2008 season coming off a disappointing 2007. they lost to Auburn, LSU, and Georgia and got embarrassed by Michigan in the Capital One Bowl in a game that's score was much closer than the reality of the actual game was. The Gators have major issues with their secondary...notably that they don't know how to cover anyone. all their hopes rest on Mr. Heisman, Tim Tebow. by the end of the season last year Tebow was pretty banged up and Urban Meyer is just asking for trouble if Timmy keeps running the ball as much as he did last year. so if Florida can't find some resemblance of production from their backfield i don't see how they're gonna win the SEC east, much less find their way back to another title game.

3. Auburn- The Tigers started off the 2007 season with a pretty rough showing. they barely beat an average Kansas State team and then got embarrassed by South Florida and Mississippi State. if the Tigers hadn't pulled a huge upset win over Florida out of their ass and gotten another last second victory over Arkansas then things might have been dark and gloomy on the Plains. i wouldn't have been at all surprised if Tuberville would have bolted for Texas A&M or Arkansas following a 7-5 or 6-6 regular season leaving the Tigers completely and totally fucked. luckily they did pull off some last second heroics and despite getting crushed by the Dawgs and the Blackout fever they finished the season fairly strong. Auburn's main issues this season are who the fuck is gonna be quarterback and is this spread eagle thing gonna work or not? Auburn has been a power running team since the dawn of time, switching to a completely different philosophy is gonna create a since of dread for some Tiger fans. most teams that switch their offense generally struggle in the first couple of seasons...Auburn doesn't really have that luxury with LSU on a down year (hopefully) and with the Hydra of 4 and 5 star recruits that Saban is collecting for himself up in northern part of the state of Alabama. it's win now or else the Tigers could be left behind and my poor heart can't really handle that.

4. LSU- the defending champs are in a weird place right now. i mean on one hand they are completely and utterly loaded on both sides of the ball with future NFL talent. they've still got one of if not the best defenses in a conference built on defense. they've got speed galore. they've got a coach with balls made of brass. they've also got no idea who they're quarterback is gonna be. redshirt freshman or Harvard, who do you think will lose you more games? LSU still has the players to compete with Auburn for the West title. likely their yearly matchup will determine who is gonna be going to Atlanta at the end of the season, but LSU's chances of repeating as National Champs seem slim to none. maybe if they'd have kept Mike Vick Jr. on a shorter leash then things would be different. such is life.

5. Tennessee- the Vols are coming in to 08 much like they did in 07, under the radar. they've got a new QB and a new offensive coordinator, this could spell a bit of trouble. the positives are that they've got one of the best runningbacks in the whole league, a great offensive line, and some pretty good players on defense. this is gonna be a make or break year for Phil Fulmer. although he did win the East last season, it's been 10 years since the Vols actually won an SEC title. those pushpop orange wearing rednecks might be calling for blood if Tennessee finished with an 8 or 9 win season and another trip to the Outback bowl.

everyone else
Bama- still building. look out for the Tide next year. best case scenario 9 wins and a trip to the Cotton or Peach Bowl. i think Kenniebloggins will take it though.

South Carolina- another .500 season and it's probably goodbye for Spurrier who might be ready to utter the words, "I'm getting too old for this shit."

Ole' Miss- Houston Nutt is bringing crazy back. Ole' Miss has the talent to be a better team than they've been the last few years. don't expect another winless SEC season. i fully expect the Rebels to be bowl eligible and i'm predicting an upset of one of the West's big 3.

Kentucky- you guys had a good run. now it's back to reality and losing seasons. let's just hope your basketball team is better.

Mississippi State- another team who'll be crashing back to reality after a miracle 8 win season. no Croomings this year.

Arkansas- the Hawgs are about as talent depleted as you can be, no QB, no proven runningback, a new coach, a new scheme. expect a lot of losing for new Bobby Petrino in his first (and maybe only...just kidding) year at Arkansas.

Vanderbilt- the bowl-less streak continues.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Positive Vibes Friday: Damn, She Fine

our favorite TV crush is Sophia Bush. Tony Romo picked Jessica Simpson over her. this is obviously why he can't win in the playoffs, cuz he's a dumbass.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

THE NBA DRAFT...aka something i won't be watching past pick 2.

when your draft happens on a Thursday night and all the drama is done after pick #1 then it is a non-event...unless you're just a huge basketball fan.

Rose then Beasley.

or Beasley then Rose.

and then who gives a shit.

i'd take Rose. but what the fuck do i know?


Hey Dawgs, way to lose the College World Series to the baseball equivalent of a 16 seed. honestly i was rooting for Georgia, only because of SEC pride. watching ESPN's coverage of the finals matchup was painfully nauseating as they waxed poetic about what "gamers" Fresno State were and compared them to the 1980 US Hockey Team. what the fuck ever. college baseball is gay anyways. metal bats are for kids.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Gotta Keep J. Smooth

if Josh Smith really leaves the Hawks via free agency then you can go ahead and kiss the playoffs or fan interest in next season good bye. if Josh stays he could rule the ATL as it's premiere superstar. hopefully the Hawks don't fuck this up, but considering they gave their lousy coach an extension i wouldn't count on it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Jimmy Johns Likes The Cocaine

Alabama runningback/linebacker/MB's favorite thug, Jimmy Johns, got arrested for selling cocaine. looks like Saban is doing a good job of turning the Tide from that shitty team that Shula used to coach into the 1980s Miami Hurricanes.

people just park where ever they damn well please

someone parked behind my car this morning forcing me to walk to work in the hot sun. i should have smashed car's window, taken the parking break off, and pushed it down a fucking hill.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Redneckedness Is All Around Us

this picture was taken outside of Sam's in Athens (which is about as liberal as a town can actually be in the South and still be considered Southern). now at first i was hoping that the NOBAMA was an anti-Crimson Tide statement, but i'm leaning a little more towards anti-Obama with this one. i don't wanna be all political or anything, but you really think this is honoring the troops or the people who died in 9/11?

i'm not talking about Baseball until the Braves are over .500

seriously, i'm not gonna do it. even if Tex hit 3 homers yesterday in the route of Seatle. i'm refusing the acknowledge the Braves until they've got a winning record...or at least til they pass the Mets in the standings. it's just too depressing right now to be a baseball fan...especially since the Yankees have started winning.

Prophesizing The 2008 SEC Season

file this under predictions that will surely be wrong.

so 2008 is setting itself up as a big year for the SEC. the league is coming off back to back national titles and will likely be in the running for a 3rd. there will probably be 3 teams in the preseason top 10 and 2 in the top 5, in Florida and Georgia. 2 of the top Heisman contenders make the SEC their home, including last year's winner Tim Tebow. and no fewer than 10 of the teams in conference could end up in bowl games. truly it is the greatest college football league in all the land...or so we here in the south like to tell everyone.

my predictions for the 2008 SEC season.

South Carolina

Ole' Miss
Mississippi State

SEC champion- Florida
offensive player of the year- Tim Tebow, Florida
defensive player of the year- Sen'Derrick Marks, Auburn
coach of the year- Tommy Tuberville, Auburn (hey if Auburn wins the west with 2 new coordinators, he'll deserve it)
freshman of the year- Enrique Davis, Ole' Miss
game of the year- Florida vs Georgia
coach most likely to be fired- Fulmer...always and forever on a seat of fire
upset of the year to watch for- Ole' Miss over 1 of the big 3 in the west (hopefully not Auburn)


QB- Tim Tebow, Florida
RB- Knowshon Moreno, Georgia
RB- Arion Foster, Tennessee
WR- Kevin McKinnley, South Carolina
WR- Percey Harvin, Florida
WR- Lucas Taylor, Tennessee
TE- Cornelious Ingram, Florida
OT- Andre Smith, Alabama
OT- Michael Oher, Ole' Miss
OG- Herman Johnson, LSU
OG- Tyrone Greene, Auburn
C- Jonathan Luigs, Arkansas

DE- Tyson Jackson, LSU
DE- Greg Hardy, Ole' Miss
DT- Sen'Derrick Marks, Auburn
DT- Geno Atkins, Georgia
LB- Brandon Spikes, Florida
LB- Jasper Brinkley, South Carolina
LB- Trey Blackmon, Auburn
LB- Rolando McClain, Alabama
CB- Captain Munnerlyn, South Carolina
CB- Jerraud Powers, Auburn
S- Eric Berry, Tennessee
S- Derek Pegues, Mississippi State

special teams
K- Wes Byrum, Auburn
P- Ryan Shoemaker, Auburn
KR- Javier Arenas, Alabama
PR- Brandon James, Florida

God Kills My Favorite Angry Old Man

one of my all time favorite comedians and callers of bullshit, George Carlin, died this weekend. all your heroes will one day die. this is a sad fact of life.

since this is a sports blog, here's a clip of Carlin's Baseball vs. Football bit. i'm sure every other single sports blog will post this exact same clip, but whatever. it's fucking classic.

Friday, June 20, 2008

How Is Your Team's Starting QB Gonna Wreck Your Season This Year?

as an Auburn fan i just finished a 3 year roller coaster ride that was Brandon Cox. the guy could deliver thrills (4th and forever against UGA 2005) and despair (the last 2 games against UGA) but all in all he won more than he lost, was a tough kid who took too many hits, beat Bama 3 times, won 2 bowl games, and was in general a respectable (aka typical) SEC QB from the golden days when a quarterback was supposed to hand the ball off a lot and make a few plays when he had to. but dear god am i glad to see him go. it became painfully obvious to me during the 2006 season that their was no way Auburn could ever win a championship with Cox leading the way. beating Bama is nice and all but Auburn fans wanna see some banners flying over Jordan-Hare. it's been 51 years since Auburn won a national title and that's too damn long when every other major school (aka the other big 5) in the SEC has won at least 1 national championship in the last 25 years.

blah blah blah, bitch bitch bitch....regardless the point of my pointless rant is that it's pretty obvious that to win a title you gotta have a good QB. Jason Campbell had 4 coordinators in 4 years which wasted the most talented QB the Tigers have had in decades. Cox was always more of a caretaker and not a playmaker. and the list of QBs before them is mostly just littered with average to above average SEC style qbs. Auburn really hasn't had a solid championship QB since Stan White left the building. and so the fate of Auburn's destiny now lays in the hands of one Kodi Burns. the kid is built like a runningback and i know he'll be able to get yards on the ground, i actually won't be surprised if he leads the team in rushing this year out of the spread. but what the Auburn nation wonders is will he be able to pass the ball around and makes some big plays with his arm?

similar questions are all over the SEC this season with Kentucky, South Carolina, LSU, Tennessee, and Ole' Miss all breaking in new QBs. Vanderbilt isn't sure which of the guys who started for them last season is gonna be the QB and Bama has John Parker yeah. Mississippi State seems to have found their man. and Arkansas is hoping Bobby Petrino can use some wizard magic on Casey Dick and turn him into a Stefon Lefors level college QB (minus the sign language). the only real proven players are Tim Tebow and Matt Stafford of Florida and Georgia...which remains the main reason both schools are being picked as SEC and National contenders. if Kodi Burns can find himself as the 3rd or 4th best signal caller in the league (which i believe is possible considering that only Jonathon Crompton of Tennessee seems like he has any real NFL potential among the remaining starters) then it's a pretty good chance Auburn will be playing in a BCS bowl this year. but then again i'm trying to be an optimist this year...we'll see how that works for me.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Finally The NBA Playoffs Are Over

song of the day: "Boston not LA" by the Freeze. go download it. it fits the theme of the day if you've been watching any ESPN.

i don't think i've seen an ass whipping that one sided in any sort of championship game since the 49ers crushed the Chargers back in 1995. The Lakers should be ashamed of themselves. they totally mailed that game in from the word go.

how thankful are we all that the Giants beat the Patriots. 3 Boston Championships in all 3 major sports might have caused the nation to take up arms and attack our Masshole neighbors.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

More Position Switchin'

so Auburn already moved backup QB Deron Furr to safety and now the Tigers are moving a couple of more players. right tackle Ryan Pugh is being moved back to his natural position at Center and will be the backup as he prepares to take over as the starter in 09. and then Mario Fannin is being moved from runningback into a Mr. Everything role where he'll play all four receiver spots, a little tight end, some runningback, return punts, and even play a little quarterback in special situations. the Auburn coaches consider him the biggest playmaker on the team and want to get him the ball as much as possible without getting him all banged up at runningback, plus Brad Lester and Ben Tate will get the majority of the carries next season.

Bo Named Face Of The Program

well duh...

so ESPN has this thing going on called Face Of The Program where they pick a coach, mascot, tradition, or athlete who is the "face of the program". Bo Jackson was Auburn's face. yeah, total no brainer.

Monday, June 16, 2008

My Top 10 Baseball Movies

holy shit, Bull Durham just turned 20. man i am getting old. that got me thinking, what are the best baseball movies ever made...or at least the ones i actually liked the most. i never saw Pride of The Yankees or the Babe Ruth Story or any of those old ass movies that i could give a shit about. instead i grew up in the 80s and watched lots of 80s baseball movies. here's my top 10 list.

1. Bull Durham- smart, funny, chicks dig it. Kevin Costner totally rules. it's about minor league baseball which makes it all the more awesome.

2. Major League- Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes, and Tom Berenger all give the best performances of their careers as a bunch of washed up nobodies playing for a lousy Cleveland Indians team that somehow beats the Yankees and wins the penant. sure it's just a rip off of Slap Shot, but who cares. this movie rules.

3. 8 Men Out- best serious baseball movie ever. yes better than the Natuarl. it's the story of the White Sox's team that threw the 1919 World Series.

4. The Natural- way too obvious to be number 1. this is a movie, like Hoosiers, that i liked a lot more as a kid. as i got older and more jaded it lost a lot of it's charm. still the end is one of the all time "give you chills" scenes.

5. Bad News Bears- best kids baseball movie ever.

6. The Sandlot- best kids baseball movie actually for kids.

7. Field Of Dreams- mostly it's a sentimental piece of crap. but it's also a pretty good baseball movie despite that.

8. A League Of Their Own- chicks can play too.

9. 61*- the story of the 1961 homerun chase between Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle.

10. Ken Burn's Baseball- this shit is long.

Silly Buckeye Fan, your team is the suck

so Tommy Tuberville has gone as pissed off all those Ohio State fans who refuse to live in reality when he recently was talking about the need for a playoff and took a shot at tOSU by saying they'd have finished 5th in the SEC last season. i think Tommy might have been generous with the Buckeyes to say they'd even finish 5th. that means they'd have finished ahead of Arkansas and Florida, who i'm pretty sure could have taken the Buckeyes last year. i mean i make no secrets that i hate Ohio State and i've taken great pleasure in watching them get mauled in two straight national titles by two straight SEC teams. anyways the Internet is a buzz with angry Buckeyes fans calling Coach Tuberville an idiot for making this fairly obvious comment. i just mostly think it's funny and hope that if Auburn should ever make it to a damn BCS title game they get to take on the Buckeyes that way the game will be over by half time and i can start celebrating early.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

A Quick Review Of The New Hulk Movie

so last night i found myself at the theater going to see the new Hulk movie starring Edward Norton as Bruce Banner (aka the Hulk), and I'll admit i was pleasantly surprised. i went in expecting the usual flaming pile of shit that's attached to most Marvel projects but instead got an enjoyable little, dumb, fun summer comic book movie. was it as good as Iron Man? hell no. but it blows away the boring pretentious and way too serious Ang Lee film from a few years ago. Edward Norton brings the perfect everyman quality to Bruce Banner that lacked from Eric Bana's performance. also this film is smart enough not to bog itself down with another retelling of the Hulk's origin and instead starts off with Banner already as the Hulk and hiding in Brazil from the Army. the CGI Hulk looks just as crappy as the Ang Lee version and that's really my main problem with the film. it's obvious that they should have spent more time and money making the effects just as strong as they are in Iron Man...but hey it's still better than 90% of the comic book movies that get made. Liv Tyler's boobs aren't nearly as impressive as Jennifer Connlley's, but hey you gotta make sacrifices. Tim Roth is the film's main villain as a British agent helping out the Army is catching Banner. after his first encounter with our big green hero he becomes obsessed with the power of the Hulk and then submits himself to the Super Soldier program in order to become a stronger better soldier and ultimately becomes a more monstrous version of the Hulk. which leads to some actual super powered fights for this Hulk instead of Hulk dogs and a guy made out of clouds. it's not a masterpiece and like i said it can't carry Iron Man's jockstrap but hey it's better than sitting at home on a Friday Night. (of note, if you are gonna see the new big summer movie don't bringing your crying children to the night time showing. that's what matinees are for asshole.)

so far in my summer movie rankings it sits way behind Iron Man and slightly ahead of Indiana Jones. in the full cannon of Marvel movies its not as good as the first 2 X-Men movies, the first 2 Spiderman movies, Iron Man, and the first Blade...but it's pretty much better than everything else. mostly this movie has me pumped for the Avengers movie that won't even come out until 2011.

Friday, June 13, 2008

A Salute to Dad

it's almost Father's Day. time to go find a crappy card at Target or get the old guy a tie he'd never want. or better yet, give him a call or go for a visit.

this blog is a constant reminder for me of my dad. hell your dad is the reason you root for (x) shitty football/baseball/basketball/college team. unless you are one of those douchebag kids who rooted for the Cowboys and Yankees and Bulls and Miami Hurricanes...if that's the case there is just no hope for you. for most of us dad got you at a very impressionable young age and molded you into a mini clone fan of himself.

maybe it happened when i was a little guy and my dad was listening to the Iron Bowl over the radio and he woke me up screaming as Bo went over the top. maybe it was that first Auburn game he took me to in 1987 when the Tigers crushed Texas 31-3. maybe it was the fact that everyone else in my family were Alabama fans and Dad was a Tiger and a little boy is never gonna go against his dad. whatever it was made me an Auburn Tiger for life.

thanks for taking me to my first baseball game when we lived outside Pittsburgh, even if the only thing i can really remember about going to see the Pirates' game was that we got a flat tire on the way there from a pothole.

no thanks for living in Georgia and offering the Falcons as my best NFL option. but hey, geography is a bitch sometimes.

thanks for all the times you coached me in baseball. sure my teams always sucked but those were always the seasons i enjoyed the most, mostly because you weren't one of the asshole coaches who thought he was in the majors. you realized that being my baseball coach was just an opportunity to be involved with your kid and i always appreciated that. plus you let me play second base and centerfield and pick my number first before any of the other kids could get the one i wanted.

and thanks for being a good dad.

happy fathers day.

see ya sunday.

Braves still sucking

another fucking sweep. that's it i'm done. blow that team up and save me the pain and misery.


OK, i think the debate between Kobe and Jordan is now officially over. can you imagine a Jordan led team, in his prime, giving up a 24 point lead in a finals game? a must win finals game!?!

Hell No!

whatever, i am blown away at this LA suckfest. the Lakers should be runnin' that old ass Celtics team ragged. instead they are just gettin' their asses handed to them. HOW?!! too many damn foreign players...that's my guess.

LA jumped out to a huge lead and just dominated the Celtics all night until sometime late in the 3rd quarter and then it was all Celtics after that. a 24 point lead and you lose by 6? maybe Phil ain't such a genius after all. let's just hope the Celtics wrap this shit up in 5 so we don't have to suffer a celebration in Boston in front of the Massholes.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Know Your Enemy: LSU Tigers

LSU continue, as they have been for the better part of this decade, to be Auburn's main obstacle in winning the SEC West...which you must do before winning the whole damn SEC. much has been made about LSU losing their starting QB to a lack of higher brain function...and so most people are assuming that means LSU will be down this year and Auburn will be able to move into their spot as SEC West Champs with ease. god i wish it was that easy. unfortunately Nick Saban and Les Miles have been stock piling 4 and 5 star recruits from the state of Louisiana for a good while now and LSU has plenty of weapons of offense with lightning speed and plenty of big mean country-ass Cajuns on defense programmed to kill and maim to make up for the fact that they'll be starting a redshirt freshman QB this year.

LSU's schedule might be the biggest help to Auburn in the battle for the West. LSU has to play a super talented Georgia team who will be looking to prove that they were the SEC team that should have been playing for the national title last year. they also have their yearly matchup with Florida down in the swamp this season. and never underestimate that trip to Arkansas at the end of the year. the Hogs always give LSU a tough game. but really the biggest game of the year will be LSU's trip to the Plains to take on Auburn on September 20th. the home team has won this matchup for what seems like the last 10 years in a row. it's LSU first big game of the season after starting their season with 3 straight cream puffs. it's also Auburn's first real big game as well, as they will have only faced Mississippi State in the SEC. so i expect another all out war that leaves both teams bruised and battered and probably results in a loss to Tennessee the following week for Auburn.

LSU's biggest strengths are their offensive and defensive lines. tackle Ciron Black is a possible All American Canidate and defensive end Tyson Jackson is a sure fire first round pick. the backfield at LSU is loaded with burners, including 5 foot 5 speedster Trindon Holliday and workhorse Keiland Williams. the wideouts are no slouches themselves with veteran Brandon LaFell and the man who snatched Auburn's heart out last season, Demetrius Byrd, both returning. their tight end is pretty damn good as well. the real question mark for LSU is gonna be the QB (funnily enough it's Auburn's biggest question too). will redshirt freshman Jarett Lee or Harvard transfer Andrew Hatch be able to lead this very talented team back to another SEC title? it's always possible. especially if LSU's defense can step up.

honestly i expect LSU to have a tough season. last year they were lead by seniors Jacob Hester, Matt Flynn, and Glenn Dorsey. those guys are all gone. they kicked their most talented player and QB, Ryan Perrilloux, off the team. and really LSU were the luckiest fucking team in the country last year, i mean they could have easily last 4 games if not for some last second heroics. that luck can't possibly last forever.

I Fucking Love Conspiracies

I knew it! We all knew it! the NBA totally fixes games and gives certain teams better treatment to help keep their ratings up.

disgraced former referee Tim Donaghy is dropping a-bombs claiming that game 6 of the '02 Lakers/Kings series was totally fixed to help the Lakers win. David Stern (aka the world's smuggest man) of course denies all this claiming it to be the actions of a desperate man. i for one hope it's fucking true. NBA officiating has always been terrible and for years people have known that certain players (Jordan, Kobe, Lebron, aka whoever sells the most sneakers) and teams (Lakers, Bulls, Celtics, whoever Stern wants to see in the finals) get better treatment than others. if the allegations are found to be true and David Stern was forced to resign and the NBA had to clean up their game it would be fucking awesome. i might even start giving a shit about basketball again. but like any good conspiracy it'll probably be impossible to prove and this will all get swept under the rug. forget steroids and spygate, Congress needs to go after the NBA and Stern and go after them hard.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

it's so fucking hot i might go on a kill crazy rampage

not really. i might invest in buying grand theft auto 4 and killing computerized versions of people though. holy fucking shit. Al Gore, where are you? the Earth needs your help. please save us.

Monday, June 9, 2008

PRESEASON TOP 25s are made to build up your hopes to later be crushed.

so i finally got my Phil Steele and i've just begun to strain my eyes at the tiny print and cause brain trauma trying to figure out his odd abbreviation system (yes i know there is a glossary in the back, but glossaries are like instruction manuals and those are for pussies). but regardless of all that i've finally got Phil's limitless knowledge of college football now at my disposal and along with the Lindy's and Athlon 08 previews already having been digested i feel it's time to unleash my own pointless and misguided attempt at a preseason top 25 that in all honesty will be something to look back on with scorn and laughter in February. so here it goes:


1. USC
2. Florida
3. UGA
4. Oklahoma
5. Ohio State
6. West Fucking Virginia
7. Auburn (call it cautious optimism)
8. LSU
9. Clemson
10. Texas
11. Missouri
12. South Florida
13. BYU
14. Virginia Tech
15. Texas Tech
16. Arizona State
17. Tennessee
18. Wisconsin
19. Kansas
20. Florida State
21. Oregon
22. Penn State
23. Illinois
24. Alabama
25. South Carolina

other notable teams that might be good this year are: Wake Forest, Boise State, Fresno State, Pitt, Utah, California, Washington (hey they've got Jake Locker), North Carolina, Miami, and Mississippi State

i don't really have much to say about my top 25 other than it's sort of a compilation of the 4 other top 25s I've looked at (Phil Steele, ESPN, Lindy's, Athlon).

USC lands my number one spot outta both fear and respect. the Trojans are loaded with 1st round picks on defense and have the most 5 star recruits of any team in the nation. they also have a QB in Mark Sanchez who some think will end up being the best of the Carson Palmer, Matt Lienart, John David Booty run. they take on Ohio State early in the season and after they destroy the Buckeyes in LA the national title will be there's for the taking. Florida seems like the team that would be best built to take on the Trojans in a final battle between the decade's most dominate team vs. the decade's most dominant league. Tebow can do us proud. 4 SEC teams in the top 10 and 7 teams in the top 25 might seem excessive, but i do live in SEC fuck you if you've got a problem with that.

the top on my list reflects the same top 5 teams on every body's list in a different order. who am i to argue with collective wisdom? Auburn gets a little love bump and LSU gets a nod in the top 10 outta respect for their talent and the fact they are reigning champs. West fucking Virginia is about where they always are, middle of the top 10...waiting for a chance. Clemson gets the love because of their offensive weapons and the fact everyone in the ACC looks terrible...but when's the last time Clemson lived up to expectations? Texas rounds out the top 10 on name alone.

after that you've got a host of teams with a lot of potential but also the potential to burst into flames. Missouri and South Florida both were two of last season's hottest teams. can they both do it again? i have my doubts. BYU is getting a lot of that little school who could break into the BCS love...and I'm all for it. BYU has dominated their conference the past few seasons and has beaten two Pac 10 teams in two straight bowl games. if the Cougars can make it through this season with an undefeated record in the Mountain West and at least a split in their two Pac 10 games then they should definitely get an at large bid. you gotta give some love to the Mormons. a lot of people are expecting this to be Texas Tech's breakout year with all their firepower on offense and with an improved defense. i think they're probably due for a 10 win season, an upset of either Oklahoma or Texas, a head scratching loss to some terrible unranked team like Baylor, and then a trip to the Cotton Bowl. Virginia Tech gets by on being the most consistent team in the country year in and year out. you know they'll probably win 10 games, and possibly win the ACC if Clemson slips up, and then get beaten by someone in a bowl game. it's what well call Beamerball.

teams in this top 25 i don't actually believe in are Illinois, Kansas, and Arizona State but since they all finished last season ranked and going to major bowl games i figured i owe them the benefit of the doubt. the rest of the list is just a lot of laziness and guessing. anyways if you don't like it make your own.

Phillies Sweep Braves, thanks a lot Kelly Johnson

there comes a moment in every season for most fans when it becomes obvious that the team you call your own just isn't gonna cut it and you should start looking towards next season or thinking about switching teams all together. that moment for the Braves came this weekend when they got their asses handed to them by the hated Phillies. Kelly Johnson's dropped pop up friday night that woulda clinched the game is pretty much a microcosm of this entire season. it's all the one run losses. the inability to hit on the road. the lack of production from the outfield. the bullpen blowing saves. the starters not being able to get a lot of innings. it's all crushing whatever outside shot the Braves had at winning the division or getting a wild card spt. oh well, maybe it's time to start trading away the dead weight (i'm looking at you Jeff) and getting come younger pieces cuz the reality is that this year's Braves team isn't gonna make the Post season and his probably gonna post of .500 record if they're lucky. the team was cursed from the get go with all the injuries capped off by the season and likely career ending injury to Smoltz and if wasn't for Chipper's quest for .400 there really wouldn't be much left to root for this season. The Atlanta Braves....fuck it.

Friday, June 6, 2008


alright, so Obama is the nominee and Hill C. is left hoping she gets asked to the prom by our soon to be Muslim President Overlord (at least that's what all the jackasses i work with think of him). let's hurry up and get this bullshit over with asap so i can concentrate on the important things like football.

proof that i used to be skinny and rock

youtube is like a trip down nostalgia lane when people are bored enough to tape you and post it on the interweb. what the fuck was i thinking with that haircut?

Positive Vibes Friday: 2004 Auburn Tigers 4-Ever

ESPN ranked them as the number 1 SEC team of the BCS era.
ESPN also ranked them the number 2 most screwed team of the BCS era.
i will always rank them number one in my heart of the greatest Auburn teams of my lifetime and they're right behind the 1991 Atlanta Braves as my favorite sports team ever.

youtube, show us some love.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

85 Days Bitches!!!

Danzig is pumped that's it's gonna be time for college football soon enough, and you should be too.

Position Switchin'

Auburn's 4 star QB recruit, DeRon Furr, has decided he'd rather lay motherfuckers out instead of be a backup QB. i call this a good move as Furr laid the biggest hit of any Auburn player during the Spring A-Day game when he crushed a defensive end with a block on a reverse. Furr will now be playing safety for the Tigers and it's possible he could move to linebacker in the future. the kid is big and fast and strong and I'm hoping he's the second coming of Junior Rosegreen....but those are some big shoes to fill, just ask Reggie Brown.

The Detriot Red Wings win something called the Stanley Cup

the girl from heroes licked it so.....congratulations i suppose?

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

reason number 5,056,336 i hate ESPN

oooh, a fat douchebag with a Star Wars villain's name is the number one story in baseball. why the fuck do i care that the Yankees' set up man is being made into a starter? why is Joba Chamberlin getting more press than the possible retirement of John Smoltz?! cuz the WWL only cares about the SOX/YANKEES rivalry...even when the Yankees suck this year and the Tampa Bay Rays are in 1st place. the East Coast bias is real bitches.

The End For Smoltz?

say it ain't so. John Smoltz and his soon to be Hall Of Fame career might have finally come to end as John elected to have season ending surgery on his shoulder.

ok just give me a moment....FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! okay, that's beter.

this is the last year on his current contract and if you saw any of his press conference it didn't seem likely that he was coming back. this is the sort of thing that it's okay for groan men to cry about. Smoltz is and always will be my favorite Brave of all time. I'd love it more than anything if he could somehow come back...if only to pitch one more game at home and then call it quits. i'm not writing any eulogies for the man's career just yet. i'm gonna continue believing he'll come back until he says he can't.

does ESPN know that Bird and Magic both retired?

so as grateful as i am that we don't have to endure a Spurs vs. Pistons final, i am growing a little bit annoyed with all the Celtics vs. Lakers hype. granted ESPN and ABC have been sporting a boner for this series the moment K.G. became a Celtic, and i know that this is exactly the final the NBA wanted...but come on. why do we have to take a trip down memory lane when it isn't fucking relevant? most of the guys playing in this series were little kids back in 1987. the Celtics and Lakers haven't been a real rivalry since Magic and Bird both retired back in the early 90s and last time i checked they aren't walking through that why don't we all just dial the nostalgia meter back a couple of notches and settle down before it starts to induce rage and vomiting among those of us who could give two shits about the cities of Boston and LA.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


so last night saw John Smoltz blow a save and then Yunel Escobar hit a game winning homerun on a 3-0 count in the bottom of the 10th to grab a victory over the Fish in a big series for Atlanta. fuck Jeff Francoeur and his striking out ass, Yunel is the real future of the Braves franchise. this kid has everything he needs to become the next star short stop in the majors. let's just hope the Braves can hold on to him for a while.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Bo Don't Know Diddley

pour a 40 out tonight for blues legend Bo Diddley kids. he got ripped off by Buddy Holly and the Rolling Stones and he never got the respect he deserved. the jesus and mary chain wrote a song called "Bo Diddley is Jesus", you should go find that song and listen to it right now. he also wrote a song called "Bo Diddley" and that's always kinda awesome. and for you people who grew up in the 80s and 90s he was in my favorite Bo Knows commerical ever. enjoy.

Know Your Enemy: Georgia Bulldogs

college football is right around the fucking corner. okay, it's a couple of months away. long hot summer months that never seem to end, especially when you live in a college town that loses half it's population during the months of June and July. but hey, the best way i can think of to kill the time (besides drinking and watching seasons 1-5 of the Wire) is to speculate on the upcoming college football season. specifically to speculate on the teams that stand as obstacles for my Auburn Tigers and their pursuit of a conference and/or national title. this has lead me to begin a new series called Know Your Enemy...and we'll start off with the SEC's beast of the east and owner of two straight kickings of my Auburn teams ass, The Georgia Bulldogs. i myself call Athens, Georgia my home and have long had a love/hate relationship with Auburn's oldest rival. especially the hate part. 2008 is setting itself up to be the year of the Dawg, that is if Georgia can step over all the landmines and bear traps set out for them in their attempt to win a third SEC title this decade and their first national title since 1980.

The Dawgs are fucking loaded with talent, headlined of course by last year's singing, dancing, girlfriend stealing sensation Knowshon Moreno and probable number one overall pick in next year's draft, QB Matt Stafford. these two could be causing nightmares for SEC teams all season, as well as doing some damage to the Athens female population.

but they also play one of the toughest schedules in that nation with trips to Arizona State, LSU, Auburn, and a little place called Jacksonville that is usually not a happy trip for the Dawgs. this year's Georgia team looks a lot like last year's LSU team. they closed strong the season before, won the Sugar Bowl in a route, and return a ton of starters from the year before. i don't think i've ever seen fan expectations higher in Athens. UGA ain't gonna be happy with anything this year short of the BCS title.

as was said before, UGA has handed Auburn two straight beat downs in the series and Auburn will be looking for some revenge this season. talent-wise Georgia definitely will have an edge, but i can't remember the last time Georgia was able to beat Auburn 3 times in a row, and i don't see it happening this year either, at least i fucking hope not. another Georgia loss and i am gonna have to move. UGA's biggest weakness this season will be their inexperienced kicking game and their receiving corp...other than that they have no real holes. so praying to the football god that they pick up a couple of key injuries on their way down the line might not be a bad idea.

Georgia is the team to beat in the SEC this year. i am going ahead and calling this the most important game on Auburn's schedule this season. even more so than LSU or Bama. hell it could even be an early matchup of the SEC Championship game if everything falls right for both teams. and i would love it if that did happen. more than anything i'd love to see an undefeated Auburn team matching up with an undefeated Georgia team on the Plains and then follow that up with a rematch of the schools at the Georgia Dome with the winner heading to Miami to play for the national title. it would be the pinnacle of one college football's all time great rivalries. hey, a guy can dream.

Fucking Braves

so getting swept by Cincinnati and falling into a tie with the lousy Mets is enough to make you wanna hurl yourself off a cliff. Hudson, Chipper, and Escobar all continue to be bright spots, the starting pitching has been pretty solid overall, and the Braves are one of the best teams in Turner Field. but when they go on the road something strange happens to them and they forget how to win one run games or how to hit. it's not like i had any grand ideas of them winning the division this year but i was at least hoping for them to stay in the race all year and maybe snatch the wild card, and it isn't like that is out of the realm of possibility but the sad reality is the Braves' run is over and until a spend happy owner buys the team and starts shelling out the bucks to keep up with the Phillies and Mets, it's unlikely that they'll be returning to the playoffs anytime soon. let's just hope Chipper can keep hitting .400 well into August and that no more of our starting pitchers go down. and let's hope Smoltz can come back and dominate in the bullpen. and maybe, just maybe the Braves can make this an interesting summer after all.