Tuesday, October 30, 2007

THE NFLs Week 8 (your team sucks...except for the Pats and Colts)

-they haven't even played the game yet and i'm already sick of Colts/Patriots...must be that ESPN runs everything into the ground or something.
-the whole issue of the Patriots running up the score against the Redskins can easily be explained, obviously coach Belichick was playing someone who had the Redskins defence on their fantasy team and he was just trying to put them in negative points.
-Favre is still good. or at least better than 90% of the rest of the trash QBs currently taking up valuable caproom and roster spots on most all NFL teams.
-The Steelers look like the snake in the grass that could take out either the Colts or Patriots in the playoffs.
-my fantasy team lost by 1 fucking point. we've lost 3 out of our last 4 games to drop to 5-3. where did the domination of the Thug Apologists go?!?!
-for some reason i watched to Giants vs Dolphins game in London. what a shitty way to try and sell the great American game to the UK. worst fucking football game not involving the Atlanta Falcons that i've seen in ages. i guess McFadden is gonna be rocking those Dolphin colors next year. which probably means the Falcons will roll with Brohm.
-The Falcons lose to their bye week. it's been a rough year.

Monday, October 29, 2007

If You Don't Knowshon Then You Better Ask Somebody

if you have a girlfriend, wife, sister, or MILF who inhabits the town of Athens, GA and it's surrounding areas, then you should beware of UGA Runningback Knowshon Moreno as he will be laying some serious pipe down on the Athens areas hoes for the next 3-4 years and you unfortunately will be dishing out high fives to him.

Useless Blogpoll Week 9

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 9 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Oregon
3. Ohio State
4. Boston College
5. Oklahoma
6. West Fucking Virginia
7. Arizona State
8. Kansas?!?!?
9. Missouri
10. Hawaii
11. Texas
12. Georgia
13. USC
14. Auburn
15. Virginia Tech
16. Alabama
17. Michigan
18. Florida
19. UConn?!?!
20. South Florida
21. Boise State
22. Clemson
23. Tennessee
24. Wake Forest
25. South Carolina

college football is crazy. who knows who's gonna win this shit? in all honesty this was probably the least wild weekend so far of the 2007 season. Oregon put it to USC and proved that they are the second best team in the nation who is a fumble into the endzone away from being perfect. right now Oregon and LSU both feel like they are on a crash course to the national title game....with those pesky Buckeyes standing in the way. if Michigan ends up winning the Big 10 i'm sure they are praying they don't have to face the Ducks again in the Rose Bowl. that shit could be hella ugly. If Dennis Dixon was the QB at Texas, Ohio State, or any number of SEC schools he'd be just about ready to crank dat Heisman trophy. instead he is forced to wear the most shameful uniforms in history and just kick your team's ass with the best spread attack in college football (apologies to Pat White and Steve Slaton and the rest of West Fucking Virginia). speaking of WFV...they really reminded Rutgers who the fucking Boss is in the Big East, and it ain't Bruce Springsteen. South Carolina's kicker decided to go ahead and take them out of the SEC East race, which is just as well...LSU would probably rather kill Tennessee in the SEC Title game. Georgia decided to go to Jacksonville and play an actual football game against the Gators. if you don't Knowshon then you better ax somebody. and Ohio State put Joe Pa a little closer to death. fucking Ohio State.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Boston College Wins! Noone in Boston Cares.

BC goes into Blacksburg and pulls off a comeback win thanks to Matt Ryan's arm. of course nobody in New England was watching that game cuz they were all too busy watching the Sox beat the Rockies. being the number 2 team in the country but playing in a town that only cares about pro sports most suck. i mean they've had a good team for the past few years but they don't have any fans except for people who went there. if Boston College wins a National Title and noone hears it, does it make a sound?

Suicide Watch Week 9

it's rebound week for my Auburn Tigers. their winning streak is over, snapped by the freewheeling and extremely lucky LSU Tigers, and so are their chances of winning the SEC West...unless a miracle happens. it's okay. a last second loss at LSU is a hard thing to stomach and i've been pretty much in the dumps ever since, but i'm still proud of the way Auburn has been playing ever since the embarrassing loss to Mississippi State. 9 wins seems pretty realistic at this point...and there was no way i could say that 4 weeks ago.

this week the Tigers are back home and their taking on the Ole' Miss Rebels, technically the worst team in the SEC...although they've played alot of close games and it wouldn't be that surprising if they were able to pull a huge upset and knock off Auburn. it's an early game after a tough loss against a team auburn should have no trouble with...those factors combined haven't always worked out for my Tigers. Auburn's defense should be able to shut down Ole' Miss and the running game should be able to control the clock. don't be surprised if this a close game. Ole' Miss nearly knocked off Alabama and Florida so their shittiness is fairly respectable.

potential for tragedy: 4 (should be an easy win...key word is SHOULD. stranger things have happened though)

method of suicide: blow yourself up. and take as many motherfuckers with you as possible. if you lose this one then it's back to where we started before the winning streak. everything's fucked. jihad jihad.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Sports Moments That Made Me Wish I Was Dead: Number 1

The Jim Leyritz homerun in the 96 World Series.

the most painful moment for me as a baseball fan in my entire life...and possible the thing that helped drive me away from the sport and into the arms of football. The Braves were defending champs and had rallied past the Cardinals in the NLCS and were probably the most talented team of the entire Braves NL East Dynasty. The Braves had won the first two games of the series at Yankee Stadium, and narrowly lost Game 3 in Atlanta. Game 4 appeared to be going to the Braves; the score was 6-0 after the 5th inning. A Braves victory would have given Atlanta a commanding 3-1 series advantage. The Yankees scored three times in the 6th inning, and in the 8th inning, Leyritz hit a 3-run home run to left field to tie the game and cap the Yankee comeback. The home run was hit against Atlanta closer Mark Wohlers and the Yankees eventually won the game 8-6 in 10 innings. I was 17 years old at the time and still a huge baseball fan....but i was never the same after that game and series.

What's Your Fantasy? Week 8

my fantasy football move of the year just got straight jacked by another sucka in my league. frequently arrested, uber talented, and completely retarded Bengals Wideout Chris Henry has been sitting out just waiting for me to pick him up a few weeks before his suspension ends. he was too be the salvation for my piss poor receiving corp (the one that should have Wes Welker...yeah the guy i dropped in favor of Joey Fucking Porter...i AM dumb, yes, very very dumb) and help lead the Thug Apologists to their fantasy league title. oh well, no Chris Henry for me. honestly this really sucks on two levels. number one...we REALLY needed another quality wide receiver. seriously Joey Porter and Bernard Berrian are starting for us. and 2 we needed a straight thug like Henry on our team to prove that they are worth apologizing for. here's to hoping he gets arrested in his first week back and he turns into a non factor anyways.

When Are Those Fuckers gonna get cursed again?

Boston destroyed the Rockies last night. i guess not playing baseball for 8 days might cool off the hottest team in baseball a little bit. if they lose the next game then i'm going ahead and calling this shit over. also when the fuck did Josh Becket turn into Dwight Gooden circa 1986? the Braves should have gotten that kid during the great Florida Marlins Fire Sale part 2: Electric Boogaloo. i'm often amazed at how much i truly don't give a shit about baseball as i get older. The World Series is only a distraction inbetween College/Pro/Fantasy football games.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Who Got Them Heismans? (not another Boston College QB)

Matt Ryan, QB/Only player whose name i know on the number 2 ranked Boston College Golden Eagles. you are right now experiencing the highest level of hype during your career. right now you seem to be the only competent passer in the entire ACC and alot of draft experts are predicting you to be the 1st QB taken in the 2008 draft (let this be a lesson to all QBs...i'm talking to you Colt Brennan and Brian Brohm) get the fuck out of school while you are hot. coming back for your senior year in noble and all that shit but if people are predicting you to be a top 20 pick at the end of your junior season then just go ahead and go pro. coming back to school almost always hurts your draft stock. just ask Leinart and Quinn about that. anyways that was a pointless tangent...Matt Ryan is a good QB and he's playing really well right now. if he can go into Blacksburg and come out with a win then i will consider him a legit Heisman candidate...if he loses then he's out.

Tim Tebow, The Entire Florida Offence Apparently. is Tebow the best player in the SEC since Bo Jackson? that's what this SEC talk radio show was trying to say. i'm not really ready to go their just yet. he's a fucking beast, but he also lost two games to SEC West teams and still has South Carolina and Georgia ahead of him. If Florida wins out and then beats LSU in a rematch for the SEC title then Tebow may be the first Sophomore to take the Heisman home...but i don't really see that happening.

Mike Hart, Michigan RB. Hart sat out last weeks win over Illinois and it was pretty obvious how much he means to that offence if you watched any of that game. if Michigan wins out and Hart has big games against Penn State and Ohio State then you can go ahead and put him down as a lock to win the Heisman. Senior runningback for a traditional power who plays on TV every week and has all the Big 10 homers at ESPN and ABC jacking off over you...yeah that usually equals a Heisman in most years. then Hart gets to go to the NFL and be a non-factor during his career...but hey he'll always have that glorified paper weight to get him through the night.

Darren McFadden is out of it. it's the sad truth. Best player in college football plays on a shitty team. guess he'll just have to be content with all those fucking millions he's getting in the NFL...that league that none of these other assholes will be any good in.

Andre Woodson, Kentucky QB. welcome back to the race, bro. you lost again....but after knocking LSU off and playing so well against Florida in the loss you gotta believe your still in the race. you aren't gonna win it or anything, but a trip to New York is still better than spending a weekend in Lexington waiting for the Bowls to start.

Dennis Dixon, Oregon QB. beat USC and make me a believer. you're the best poor man's Vince Young in college football and your offence is kicking ass and taking names every week. you still have the best highlight of the season...also i promise not to take off any points for that uniform.

if they gave me a Heisman ballot, it would look like this.

1. Tim Tebow, Florida QB
2. Mike Hart, Michigan RB
3. Matt Ryan, Boston College QB
4. Andre Woodson, Kentucky QB
5. Dennis Dixon, Oregon QB

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 8

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 8 Top 25

1. LSU
2. Ohio State
3. Oklahoma
4. Oregon
5. Boston College
6. West Fucking Virginia
7. Florida
8. USC
9. Arizona State
10. Virginia Tech
11. South Florida
12. Missouri
13. Kentucky
14. Kansas
15. Hawaii
16. Texas
17. California
18. South Carolina
19. Auburn
20. Virginia
21. Georgia
22. Alabama
23. Michigan
24. Rutgers
25. Boise State

this season keeps gettin' weirder and weirder as we go on. will anyone be shocked if we get a Arizona State vs. Kansas national title game? okay, well everyone in the known universe would be surprised...but seriously all the scenarios that could play out in my head when thinking about college football have been all but exhausted at this point. anyways the rankings this week see the LSU Tigers return to the top spot.

Ohio State remains undefeated, but going unbeaten with their schedule so far is about as impressive as saying that Hawaii is undefeated....at this point. The Herbstreitbot will try to tell you otherwise. he's programmed to do that though. it's not his fault. do i think Ohio State is a good team? Of Course. do i think they'd lose to about 5 or six of the top SEC teams? Yes. anyways if Ohio State wins out then i think they should get a shot at the national title again, just don't be surprised if the same results as last year replay themselves.

at this point the match up i'd be most excited to see would be Florida Vs. Oregon in some random BCS bowl that doesn't decide the national title, but makes for some awesome football for people who enjoy points and hate defence. Boston College, Arizona State, and Kansas all remain big question marks until they each defeat someone impressive. Boston College is more than likely going down this week against Virginia Tech...which is just as well considering noone in Boston gives a shit about them anyways and Massholes are already douchebags enough with the Redsox and Patriots and now the Celtics...can we really suffer more of their yankee douchebaggery if their college football team got to play in the National Title game?

This Shit Should NEVER Happen

so during the Saturday Night battle for the SEC West between LSU and Auburn, LSU's superstar tackle Glenn Dorsey got fucked up on an illegal chop block by Auburn freshman lineman Lee Ziemba and Chaz Ramsey. it's one thing to play hard and try and knock a guy out but it's a totally other thing to go after a guy's knee...especially a guy who is gonna be a top 5 pick in the NFL Draft and the leader of the LSU Defense. as an Auburn fan i was totally sickened by the play. it's dirty and it's wrong and it makes the team look like assholes. also it was completely stupid, considering that Dorsey wasn't dominating the game by any means and all it really did was manage to spark the LSU defence to shut down Auburn for most of the second half until the final Auburn drive where they took back the lead. i'm of the opinion that Tubberville should sit both players for a week and that O-Line coach Hugh Nall should be either fined or suspended. This is the kind of bullshit that comes back on you in a big way....Karma is a bitch. if this had been done to Quentin Groves by LSU, i'd have been calling for fucking blood and as a non-thug apologists i can't look the other way and pretend this wasn't a despicable act.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

there are losses, and then there are LOSSES, and then there are soul sucking, spirit crushing, mind destroying, tears of blood inducing losses that make you wish you had grown up with some less stressful interests like model building or kite flying.

goddamn motherfucking LSU! with your fucking ballsy, semi-retarded headcoach, and NCAA 2007 playbook. it's gonna take me a long time to recover from this one.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Suicide Watch Week 8

This is It. The One. The Biggest Game Of The Year. sure there's still Bama and UGA, but those games are just for foolish pride, this game actually means something. Win Saturday Night and the Tigers control their own destiny, an SEC title and a BCS bowl will be in their grasp...ah but this is easier said than done, grasshopper. Sure Auburn is the hottest team in the SEC right now, winning three in a row...two of those on the road. One of those was against a Florida team that nearly took down LSU in Death Valley the next weekend. Auburn's defence is good enough to shutdown an LSU team that has mostly been getting by on pounding the ball....something Auburn does well at stopping (except for the South Florida game). If the Tigers can do to LSU's backfield what it did the Felix Jones and Darren McFadden then they could just walk away with their 5th win in a row and the 1st place spot in the SEC West.

That scenario is what i like to call optimistic. the LSU offence is in no way what i consider the biggest threat to Auburn's bid at an SEC title, it's that fucking defence, lead by Glenn Dorsey. Brandon Cox being destroyed to LSU's front seven or being forced back into his duck and cover mode that resulted in multiple picks against South Florida, or the fumble prone backfield coughing up the ball in the redzone and killing drives are the top 2 ways i could see this game getting out of hand and Auburn finding themselves down big.

Over the past few seasons the LSU/Auburn games have been the best games of the year for either school. LSU has to win this game to keep it's national title hopes alive and nobody strolls into Death Valley during a night game and just beats the Bayou Bengals. the last time these two teams played at LSU it ended in tears for Auburn as kicker John Vaughn missed 5 field goals and the Tigers lost 20-17 in overtime.
here's a nice painful little reminder in case you forgot.

potential for tragedy: this one is a 9 all the way. the way Auburn has been playing should give me alot more hope, but i'm a realist. LSU is fucking good and they DON'T lose night games at home. and there's no way they are losing back to back SEC games...of if they are Les Miles better hope he can still get that Michigan job, cuz they are definently running his ass out of town in Baton Rouge.

method of suicide: slit your wrists and let it flow. your season is over...sure you've still got those fucking rivalry games left, but the big trophy ain't coming home with you, baby.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Bo Knows How To Cheer Me Up

i've been feeling kind of shitty and down today. so i decided to post this random Bo Jackson youtube video to cheer me up.

thanks Bo. you're always there when i need you. i think i'll go play as the 1985 Tigers on NCAA 2008 and run for about 400 yards with you against Georgia.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I'll Never Get That Part Of My Life Back

Watching the Falcons on Monday Night Football (with an episode of Heroes sandwiched in between) might be the most useless and pointless waste of my time that I've committed in many a year. my fantasy football game was pretty much wrapped up with only Morten Anderson left...so there was no real drama in my fantasy game to worry about, and I HATE The Giants with a passion...so watching them pummel Joey Harrington all night was not something I'd enjoy anymore than having to sit through the rape scene in Deliverance. Honestly having a good fantasy team is sadly the only thing that will keep me interested in an NFL season that is obviously gonna end with another fucking Patriots championship. there's really only so much of that i can tolerate.

ten things i'd rather watch than the Falcons play football

1. South Asian snuff film
2. wild dogs attacking a baby
3. a musical
4. National League baseball
5. the Oxygen channel
6. the male nude scenes from OZ
7. mexican soap operas
8. fattie porn
9. the 700 club
10. any film starring Meg Ryan

Monday, October 15, 2007

Will Muschamp Owns The Night, Motherfucker!

i stole this from Every Day Should Be Saturday, who got in from someone else, who stole it from youtube, who took it from ESPN. regardless it's about Auburn and includes the use of the word motherfucker. it felt appropriate to repost here.

I Heart Will Muschamp. if Tommy really does leave for Texas A&M they should just go ahead and make Muschamp the head coach.

THE NFLs Week 6 (Purple Jesus Owns The Bears)

-i think Adrian Peterson just scored another touchdown on the Bears. seriously, dude had 224 yards rushing AND 3 touchdowns against the once mighty Bears D. the same defence that shut down LT in week 1. and i got this guy in 4th round of my fantasy league draft. Reggie who? Purple Jesus owns your ass.
-so do we just go ahead and give the Patriots their fucking trophy after completely destroying Dallas? The Cowboys managed to keep it interesting in the first half, but Wes Welker decided to make me pay for dropping him from my fantasy team by outplaying both T.O. and Randy Moss. what the fuck?!?! In the second half the Patriots broke it open and even racked up a couple of style points at the end. i mean seriously, they were passing in the 4th quarter with a huge lead. are they Florida in the 90s?
-Vince Young got hurt. if he's out for any length of time then the Titans season is done.
-Jason Campbell continues to be a better draft pick than either Alex Smith or Aaron Rogers. War Eagle bitches. unfortunately Santana Moss can't hold onto the fucking ball and the Redskins ended up losing to Greenbay. i have a feeling these two are going to meet again in the 1st round of the playoffs.
-The Bengals SUCK....Alot.
-The Dolphins and the Rams both suck even more. It's gonna be difficult for the Falcons to earn that top pick in the NFL draft. With the WORST teams in the NFL all having really good RBs there's a possibility that whoever gets the top pick in the draft this year will have the best backfield in the league if they pickup McFadden. just think, Steven Jackson, Reggie Bush, or Ronnie Brown could be splitting carries with the best back in college football next season...thereby diminishing their fantasy numbers and also making them all ask to be traded.
-The Saints finally won a game. the City of New Orleans is finally healed.
-The Chargers are back. fucking Chargers. i guess team Nike is earning their pay after all. Norv will fuck this all up soon i'm sure.
-my fantasy football team is 5-1. how's your team? oh Kurt Warner got hurt and you lost by 2 points. that's so sad. yeah you suck at Fantasy Football. it's okay, i suck at Legend Of Zelda. everything evens out.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Useless Blogpoll Week 7

A Lifetime of Defeats Week 7 Top 25

1. _____________
2. Ohio State
3. South Florida
4. Oklahoma
5. Boston College
6. LSU
7. South Carolina
8. Oregon
9. West Fucking Virginia
10. Kentucky
11. California
12. Florida
13. USC
14. Virginia Tech
15. Hawaii
16. Arizona State
17. Auburn
18. Missouri
19. Tennessee
20. Texas
21. Kansas
22. Texas Tech
23. Georgia
24. Cincinnati
25. Michigan
26. Virginia

when the Sex Pistols' "God Save The Queen" topped the British charts the during the Queen's jubilee in '77, the charts decided to keep it from officially being number one by not having a number 1 slot. that's exactly how i am keeping my poll for this week. i refuse to rate an Ohio State who hasn't beaten anyone, a South Florida team that wears those fucking horrible unis, and a Boston College team that plays in the weakass ACC as my number one. it's not gonna happen. i can't do it. call me a pussy, but anyone who says any of those teams are the best in the country is smoking some serious shit...it doesn't matter anyone, they're all gonna lose anyways, so fuck it. this poll means nothing...all fucking polls are meaningless...if there ever was a year that screamed, "we need a fucking playoff" then it's this year. South Florida and their ugly ass uniforms are #2 in the BCS poll, Ohio State could easily run the table in a terrible Big 10 and then end up getting crushed in another BCS title game, and Oklahoma feels like the team who has the easiest road to the title...and we know that = they'll get beaten by Kansas in the Big 12 title game. whatever, i give up trying to make predictions. blah blah blah, Michigan is back in the top 25. i hope they fucking beat Ohio State this year.

Auburn and Arkansas 2007, setting the SEC back 20 years

Dear Arkansas Razorbacks,

Sorry that we just got your coach fired. Sorry we just ended your prized runningback's chances at winning the Heisman Trophy. Sorry we just sent you to the Libery Bowl...guess that's called revenge for wrecking our season last year. No, you can't have our coach.




Anyways, another fucking amazing performance by the Auburn Tigers defence gives me hope that the SEC title is still very much a possibility...and most all of those kids are gonna be back next year. LSU losing to Kentucky makes next Saturday the biggest game of the year. WAR FUCKING EAGLE!

Also, I Heart Wes Byrum.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Suicide Watch Week 7

It's midway thought the college football season. Auburn finds themselves 4-2 and on a roll after a miserable start to the 2007 season. The Tigers are on a 3 game winning streak, including back to back wins in the SEC and are also back in the Top 25 for the first time since dropping out of the rankings with their overtime loss to South Florida. in retrospect they've lost to a top 10 team and a surprising Mississippi State squad that's probably gonna end up in a bowl. these are all the positive ways at looking at what's unfolded over the 1st half...but you know me, i'm never too positive. in all honesty Auburn should be AT LEAST 5-1 and ranked in the top 10 or better yet undefeated and playing for a shot at the National Championship...but this is the hand we are dealt. after the rough start i'm just happy to be ranked and relevant again. an added bonus to the last few weeks of good fortune has been the poor play of both Georgia and Alabama. with Bama completely dominating recruiting in the state of Alabama this year (thanks to Sith Lord Saban and his mind tricks) Auburn really needs to finish strong and snatch up as many top prospects as possible. From here on out it feels like Auburn could beat just about any team they should have to face and with the exception of LSU i don't see why they couldn't win out and finish the regular season at 9-3 and earn a New Years bowl bid. Capital One Bowl anyone?

One of the biggest and scariest obstacles to salvaging this season is about to rear it's ugly head this Saturday in the form of the Arkansas Razorbacks. Last season the Tigers were humming along, ranked number 2 in the nation after knocking off LSU and South Carolina when they ran into the buzzsaw that was the Razorbacks. Darren McFadden crashed through Auburn's front 7 like they were made of paper and racked 145 yards and a touchdown and kicked his Heisman campaign into gear. it was complete domination from start to finish....and then there was this fucking play:

that's called insult to injury. after that it was basically over as the Razorbacks rolled to a 27-10 beatdown of Auburn at Jordan-Hare stadium thus ruining the Tigers best chance at a Title in years. Auburn was able to bounce back and beat Florida a few weeks later but it was never really the same after that. While Arkansas managed to somehow win the SEC West despite not actually having anyone who could play quarterback and pretty much brought college football back about 4 decades.

and so here we are, a year later. Arkansas find themselves 0-2 in the SEC and under a cloud of controversy. Houston Nutt is almost definitely out the door unless the Hogs can knock off Auburn and LSU and somehow win the SEC West again. I would love nothing more than for the Tigers to get revenge on Arkansas and drive that nail into Houston Nutts coffin with a huge blowout win at their stadium. But these are difficult times in the college football universe. up is down, right is left, Stanford beat USC, a Florida quarterback is one of my favorite players. Nothing Makes Sense. that being said, Arkansas is ALWAYS scary. They have a two headed beast at runningback and they run the fucking Wildcat or Wildhog or whatever the hell it's called when that stick McFadden at QB and just let him get all LT in your ass.

Potential for Tragedy: a solid 5. Arkansas is always a tough game for Auburn. They have the best backfield in college football, but that's about it. stop the run and the Tigers will win....but that's easier said than done when you are trying to stop Superman.

Method of Suicide: HIT BY A MOTHERFUCKING TRAIN, D-Mac is coming and he's running you over.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I Know It's Over...And It Never Really Began

Braves GM John Schuerholz is calling it a career with Atlanta...at least as the General Manager. yep kids, it's all over now except for the crying. expect NO BIG MOVES in the offseason to help the club take that next step towards reclaiming the division. Bobby Cox is more than likely in his last season as well, along with John Smoltz. Chipper is getting up in years. The pitching ain't what it used to be. No need to sugar coat this one. the BRAVES ARE DONE! they're owned by a soulless corporation that isn't interested in spending the money that would need to be spent to bring in some impact players and make this a dominate team again and without Schuerholz around to pull some magic out of his ass the Braves are gonna fall back into the pack of also rans on a regular basis. the last 2 years will become the norm. Atlanta is FUCKED!

even this mixtape of Braves glory year highlights can't cheer me up.

Damn it Youtube. you have failed me.

14 division titles, 1 world series win...the winningest team of the 1990s. alot of great memories. Schuerholz took the laughing stock of the National League and built it into the dominate club. it woulda been nice if the Braves could've maybe won another World Series or two...but i'm not greedy. Thanks alot John. Atlanta will miss you....well okay nobody in Atlanta cares about the Braves cuz they're all a bunch of Cubs and Red Sox fans, but still Braves fans all over the South let a single tear roll down their cheek before remembering that it's fucking college football season and who gives a shit about baseball anyways.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What's Your Fantasy? Week 6

after starting off 4-0, the Thug Apologists hit a huge brick wall. Adrian Peterson and Carson Palmer found themselves on bye weeks and unable to help the cause, Joseph Addai found himself injured (although his replacement Kenton Keith produced big fantasy numbers and receives my fantasy player of the week award), and out pitiful receiving corp produced exactly ZERO FUCKING POINTS. Jay Cutler did jack a shit except throw some picks. and Julius Jones couldn't find the endzone and give us a victory because Tony Romo was too busy turning the ball over and not allowing the Cowboys to have any kind of a running game. and yet still we only lost by a few points. which tells me 2 things...1) Our Fantasy Team Rules and 2) This Football Season makes no sense at all. honestly we shoulda lost by about 50 points in reality. but regardless a close loss is still a fucking loss....just ask the Florida Gators. this week for my team to bounce back i need some production from my receivers. Deion Branch is out, so that means Joey Porter stumbles his way into the starting lineup. also Trent Green is DONE in Miami which means Chris Chambers went from being my most productive wideout to a huge question mark. Carson and Adrian are back, but the Colts are on a bye which = i'm still down a star runningback. basically it could be another damn loss unless one of my crappy receivers has a huge week or Carson puts up another one of those crazy 40 point performances. but all is not lost. there's a Thug that both MB and I routinely apologize for who is coming back from a suspension that could save our receiving corp...if he doesn't get arrested first.

This might be the 1st time i actually feel bad for Vick. nah just kidding.

At this point it's really just piling on. kinda like when Spurrier was still coaching Florida and would have has 2nd string QB throwing touchdown passes in the 4th quarter of a 50 point blowout. anyways, i guess Vick better hope that the Arena League is gonna let him play whenever the hell he gets out of prison cuz the Falcons are about to take 19.7 million outta his motherfucking ass. granted i have ZERO sympathy for Michael Vick and i honestly hope he never plays football again and outside of the times i need to use him on Madden, he really serves no useful function in society...other than giving insane people something to use as an imaginary symbol of racial injustice....but seriously he has to pay back 20 million dollars of income he's already earned?!? really?!! the NFL fucking blows, they treat their players like garbage and if you fuck up they could honestly give a shit. like the Falcons actually need that 20 million dollars. i mean if they were gonna take all that cash and donate it to charity or to the humane society then i'd see this as a positive...but you know it's just gonna go back in Arthur Blank's pocket and i say FUCK that guy.

Who Got Them Heismans? (take a knee, son.)

Young Master Tebow, QB/Runningback/Only Player Worth A Shit on Florida. You fought a battle that Conan would be proud of. Unfortunately crying loses you points on my fake Heisman ballot, so does losing.

Our Heisman frontrunner, Arkansas Runnigback/Living God Darren McFadden takes on my Auburn Tigers. if he can tear through their D-line like paper plates and pull a win outta his ass i might just go ahead and call this whole race off.

Pat White is playing well, but also playing crippled. if he misses too many games he might just have to wait till next year to collect his hardware.

Dear John David Booty,

You will be getting no mentions for Heisman Trophies, or 1st round draft picks, or any of that other shit that Carson Palmer and Matt Leinart received while as USC because you suck. Losing to Stanford, Oregon State, and UCLA tends to take a little shine off that Trojan Helmet.


Asshole Bloggers

Colt Brennan, where did you and your amazing stats go? You shoulda went pro last year bro! i know those island bitches do things to a young man's mind but you are losing millions by going back to school and proving that "yes i am a system QB" when you sit on the sidelines as your back up QB throws about 5 touchdowns a game in your place.

Andre Woodson, you are out of the race until you beat Florida, Georgia, or LSU. sorry dude, Kentucky QBs only get love when they win.

if they gave me a Heisman ballot, it would look like this.

1. Darren McFadden, Arkansas RB
2. Mike Hart, Michigan RB
3. DeSean Jackson, Cal WR
4. Pat White, West Virginia QB
5. Matt Ryan, Boston College QB
6. Tim Tebow, Florida QB
7. Dennis Dixon, Oregon QB

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

See You Later Dude

The Yankees lost. A-Rod is about to skip town. a bunch of those overpaid and under performing douchebags are probably gonna get traded and best of all Joe Torre is gonna get fired. The Yankees are about to turn into a pile of smoldering ruins, normally i'd be happy about such developments...but really i just have alot of dread because ESPN is about to milk the tits of sorrow over the demise of New York for the next several months until next spring. Anyways here's to you Cleveland. i hope you guys sweep those fucking Red Sox and then win a thrilling 7 game series against Colorado. i'll bet you fucking Lebron will be at those games. i mean anybody who claims his favorite teams growing up were the Cowboys, Yankees, and Bulls is a fucking frontrunner anyways and if the Indians could bring a World Series to Cleveland i'm sure he'd rock one of your racist hats for all to see.

THE NFLs Week 5 (i wanna be a Cowboy)

-if you needed proof that god is in fact a Cowboys fan then you got it last night. either that or maybe he just hates Buffalo. it's been a really long time since i've watched a team get so completely dominated in a game and then pull a victory out of their ass at the last second. actually who am i kidding? Auburn does that bullshit all the time.
-Tony Romo proved that he is the NEXT Brett Favre...only he's Favre from just a few years ago when he was tossing 20 picks a year and losing the Packers more games than he was winning them....
-which btw, is exactly what he did against the Bears last Sunday Night. can we get off the Packers bandwagon now? they have NO running game and a bunch of wide receivers that couldn't even start on my crappy fantasy receiving corp.
-and speaking of crappy fantasy receivers, i got exactly ZERO points outta Calvin Johnson, Deion Branch, and Chris Chambers last weekend. i mean for fuck's sake, i'm thinking of starting Joey Porter next week. what is wrong with me? anyways my shitty receiver play brought my fantasy record to 4-1 and a tie for 1st place. Kenton Keith ended up nearly being my Savior. i'm sort of of the opinion that anyone can get plugged in at runningback in Indy and become a productive player.
-which is apparently the same fucking attitude that Denver has every season. oh yeah, how'd that work out for you guys against the Chargers?
-The Falcons still suck, last weekend was obviously a mirage...unfortunately the Dolphins, Bills, Saints, Rams, and Eagles might all suck even more. come on guys, get it together. you're gonna have to work hard to get that top pick. WE NEED MCFADDEN, goddamnit!!!
-let's hear it for former Auburn QB and current Redskins' signal caller Jason Campbell, who is turning out to be a better and more reliable player than Alex Smith and Aaron Rogers (who is fairness still hasn't gotten to play and probably never will). you do me proud Jason. War Eagle!

The Play Of The Year...that noone gives a shit about

Akron pulls a Stanford/Cal on our asses. check this shit out.

just in case you were wondering, this IS the best way to get fired if you are a special teams coach.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Jacob Hester For Heisman

i think he just rushed for another 1 yard gain and a 1st down. seriously though, is their a more balls out performance than LSU's final drive to beat Florida last Saturday Night? Auburn's freshman kicker hitting two game winners was pretty fucking sweet, but Jacob Hester proved that being a sorta slowish white fullback doesn't mean you can't be the motherfucking hero of the most important game of your career and blast through Florida's D-Line like you were crashing through paper on 4 and 1's all night long. it's too bad this kid id married, cuz the pussy river would be flowing freely to Mr. Hester's apartment for years after that game winning touchdown. anyway, Cheers to the Fullback. he's on my Heisman list for a week.

Useless Week 6 Poll

A Lifetime Of Defeats Week 6 Top 25

1. LSU
2. California
3. Ohio State
4. Oklahoma
5. Boston College
6. South Florida
7. Oregon
8. South Carolina
9. West Fucking Virginia
10. Florida
11. USC
12. Missouri
13. Virginia Tech
14. Kentucky
15. Hawaii
16. Arizona State
17. Auburn
18. Cincinatti
19. Tennessee
20. Illinois
21. Texas
22. Florida State
23. Georgia
24. Kansas
25. Purdue

the fact that USC lost to Stanford, at home, should drop them completely out of the top 25 in most cases. but even i am guilty of the stupid Pete Carrol bias that ESPN has. instead i just move them out of the top 10. oh, but you know they're gonna lose another game. karma is a bitch. honestly this is exactly like Michigan losing to Appy State and dropping like a stone, never to heard from again, except it was fucking worse because USC was playing a team that Appalachian State could probably beat and it's the middle of the fucking season. regardless, USC stays in the top 25...for now.
I don't believe Cal is the second best team in the nation, i still think Oregon should have beaten them...neither of those teams can play any defence. both of them would lose to LSU.
Ohio State is slowly climbing back on top. this Ohio State team is alot like the one that beat Miami in the National Title game several years back. Great defence, solid running game, no name QB. watch out for those Buckeyes.
Wisconsin sucks. i hated even having them ranked in my stupid poll all year. i'm glad Zooker went out and kicked their ass. i'm not tanking them again until they beat Michigan or Ohio State. fuck the Big 10. Michigan barely beat Eastern Michigan last weekend. what the fuck is wrong with that conference. they play football like it's still 1987.
speaking of the Zooker, is their any doubt in your mind that Illinois is totally gonna win the Big 10? ok that's npt actually happening, but i can see these suckers landing in a New Year's bowl game, probably against Auburn. can you so Capital One Bowl?
i refuse to drop Florida out of the top 10, despite losing two in a row because they played LSU tough as hell, probably should've won, and will most likely run the table from here on out and win the SEC east....but then again stranger things have happened. it really could be South Carolina's year. South Carolina???!!! what the fuck?!?
losing to Mississippi State was about the most embarassing thing i can remeber happening to Auburn in several years...that being said it might have been the best thing to happen to this young team. i won't be shocked at all if they run the table and win the SEC...okay that is a lie, i would be shocked. i won't be shocked if they end up with 9 wins though. this weekends Arkansas matchup might be the quickest game all season with both teams running the ball about 80 times. it'll be like watching ESPN classic matchups of Georgia and Auburn playing each other in the 80s.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Jim Harbaugh Has Destroyed The Fabric Of Reality

STANFORD beat USC...in LA!!! ESPN now weeps tears of blood. at this point i could believe that South Florida is gonna beat Kansas for the national title. my brain is caving in on itself. FACT: i KNOW NOTHING about college football. also i no longer feel anymore sorrow about Auburn losing to Mississippi State.

a quick question: what's worse, USC losing to Standford or Michigan losing to Appy State? normally i'd take alot of joy in the fact USC has lost in such embarrassing fashion, but honestly all it does in start the Herbstreitbot on his Ohio State lovefest from here on out. but anyway enough of that dread for now. instead let's give some love to Stanford.

this one's for you

Auburn has their Mojo back...for now.

In spite of their "throwback" uniforms that made them look like an alternate reality Ohio State, Auburn completely and totally dominated Vanderbilt today, cuz...well cuz Vanderbilt is fucking Vanderbilt. Brad Lester made a very welcome return, scoring two touchdowns and reminding me that i love him and have missed him. Tate and Fannin both contributed with touchdowns of their own and establishes the Tigers as the three headed monster I'd hoped they were going to be at the beginning of the season. Brandon Cox managed the game...which is all he needs to do with a running game like the one they have. If the Tigers can keep playing like this i believe they can run the table and finish 7-1 in the SEC...granted that is probably a pipe dream and i'm sure that LSU will beat them, especially if they lose to Florida tonight...but hey man, the way this fucking season started i'm just amazed that my hope has been revived.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Suicide Watch Week 6

so last weekend was great. The Tigers played their best game of the season, knocked off the number 3 team in the nation, in the fucking swamp where Florida NEVER loses and possibly saved the season....but now it's back to Earth. luckily the team waiting to greet Auburn upon arrival to the blue orb is a friendly pseudo-cupcake of a conference foe named the Vanderbilt Commodores...but WAIT, this ain't your daddies Vanderbilt team, this one beat Georgia AT Athens last season and has already won 3 games including a blowout against Ole' Miss. The Commodores come into Jordan-Hare with the best wide receiver in the SEC and one of the better QBs, there defence is holding teams under 20 points (with exception to BAMA...their only loss). in most years you can just look at the schedule and go ahead and count Vandy as a win...but this isn't just any year. This is the CRAZY year in college football where Division I AA teams go beat Michigan at home, where 5 top ten teams all lose in the same weekend, where up is down, right is left, where Mississippi State beats Auburn at home, where Kentucky gets ranked in the top 10 (for a week anyways), where noone at USC is gonna win the Heisman, where ANYTHING feels like it could happen. so don't look past Vandy cuz Vandy might just come into town and pick your pocket.

anyway that's that's what the paranoid man who lives in my head tells me. the reality of the situation is that Auburn finally remembered that they win games in two parts, RUNNING and DEFENCE. i expect both Ben Tate and Mario Fannin to crack 100 yards and Brad Lester to get a couple of touches and maybe a touchdown after coming back from his suspension. Brandon Cox job on Saturday should consist of about 50 handoffs and about 10 play action passes for moderate gains. no need to get all cute and fuck things up. I'm looking at you Al Borges. in the end i fully believe that this season turned a corner last Saturday night and that Auburn might be able to win the rest of their games..with exception to LSU and wind up 6-2 in the SEC with a trip to the Outback or Capital One Bowl, which qualifies as not that bad when you lost two games in a row at home just a few weeks ago. but honestly that's jumping way too far into the future. right now I'm just gonna take every win i can get.

Potential for Tragedy: 3.5 (when you lose to Mississippi State, AT HOME, you suddenly realize that anything is possible)

Method Of Suicide: shot gun blast to the face that you end up surviving and looking like Arseface

Bud Selig is spinning in his grave

HaHaHaHaHa. The Yankees, Phillies, and Cubs all lose. You know Bud Selig and MLB are totally losing their shit over a worst case scenario of the Colorado Rockies in the World Series, especially if it's against a team like The Indians (who totally dominated the Yankees last night). Both the Cubs and Phillies (two of the oldest and losingest clubs in all of baseball) sit on the verge of being swept by expansion teams...just the sort of thing that used to piss me off as a baseball fan, but now just makes me laugh myself retarded. more than likely the Red Sox will cruise into the American League Championship series and face a young Cleveland club that will be spent from a 5 game series with New York and will get swept and then it'll be that sexy Boston/Arizona world series we've all been dreaming of. at that point ESPN will probably just stop covering the thing. no story lines for them to masturbate over, ya know. noone cares about the Red Sox anymore after they finally won it all. now their just another baseball team with the most obnoxious fanbase in all of baseball. if i was picking a team to root for then it would be Cleveland. they are a long suffering franchise like the Cubs, but minus all the bullshit excuses and crybaby curses and all that other crap. so yeah, Go Indians!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Hot Sexy Thursday Night Action


So, for the first time of the year, ESPN has given us a Thursday night game worth missing must-see-tv for. Undefeated Kentucky takes on South Carolina in an early matchup that could help decide the SEC East...or at least that's what the experts are trying to sell us on. I still have a hard time believing that Florida won't end up winning the East by defeating all their divisional foes. South Carolina feels like the only real threat to the Gators and even though they'll probably have 2 losses in the SEC after this weekend i'd still put my money on Florida over Kentucky, Georgia, South Carolina, or Tennessee. i will say this, The SEC East is by far the best division in all of college football. All six teams could end up in bowl games at the end of the year...i mean Vanderbilt is respectable this season, and i wouldn't be surprised if they pulled off a couple of upsets against Tennessee or Kentucky or even Georgia, again.

but that's jumping ahead, in tonight's game i picked South Carolina to start Kentucky's fall back to reality. Kentucky has the best offence in the SEC, South Carolina has one of the better defences (yeah South Carolina...fucking crazy). Kentucky have a couple of upset wins over Arkansas and Louisville in that heart attack inducing/insane/last second/win it by the skin of their teeth kind of fashion that reads more of Luck than being actually BETTER than either of those teams. South Carolina on the other hand took care of the Dogs in Athens and got their asses kicked by LSU....so really it's all a fucking crap shoot. I'm going with SCar cuz they are at home and the last time i checked this guy named Spurrier was their coach, and i'm pretty sure he's never lost a game to Kentucky before. This ain't fucking basketball ya'll. Sorry Wildcats, your time in the sun ends tonight.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

What The Fuck Do You Have To Do To Get Fired In New York?

So Isiah Thomas cost the Knicks and Madison Square Garden 11 Million bucks (not to mention he's a terrible GM and Coach) and yet he keeps his job. Willie Randoph let the Mets complete the greatest (or worst depending on if your a glass half full or half empty kind of guy) late season collapse in major league history...and yet he is keeping his job. I have a feeling that if Joe Torre goes out and gets swept in the 1st round of the playoffs he'll still keep his fucking job too. Hell Tom Coughlin should've been fired by the Giants last year, if only cuz his players all fucking hate him, but NO! he kept his job and they'll probably pull off another 8-8 season. What the hell is wrong with New York City right now? fucking fire somebody goddamn it!

Who Got Them Heismans? (The Race Is On)

so after waiting a couple a weeks to highlight the major contenders it's time to start tracking the likely winners.

if they gave me a Heisman ballot, it would look like this.

1. Darren McFadden, Arkansas RB
2. Mike Hart, Michigan RB
3. DeSean Jackson, Cal WR
4. Andre Woodson, Kentucky QB
5. Tim Tebow, Florida QB
6. Pat White, West Virginia QB
7. Glenn Dorsey, LSU DT

McFadden continues to roll on towards New York and The Number One Pick in the 2008 Draft like it ain't no thang in his pimp mobile.

So Long, Andruw

so that's it. the Andruw Jones era is over in Atlanta. John Schuerholz told Jones he wasn't gonna try and re-sign him in the offseason and now the Braves can use the money they'll save on a once superstar player who is starting to hit the beginning of his decline on some much needed pitching.

"I'm fine with it," Jones told The Associated Press when reached on his cell phone. "I'm appreciative of the chance they gave me to play for Atlanta all these years. I understand the decision they have to make. That's just the way it is. It's a business." (which translates to: "go fuck yourselves you cheap motherfuckers. i am gonna go play for the yankees and make 20 million a year and win some fucking world series rings. you know, that thing you guys haven't won since 1995!")

you gotta expect Andruw to end up in Boston or New York. the Yankees and Red Sox could both use an upgrade at center field and despite the fact that he had his worst year ever at the plate, he's still a beast in the outfield.

part of me is sad to see him go and another part says, "fuck it. we need pitching." honestly i really wish the corporate masters currently controling the Braves would sell the team off to a real owner who was willing to spend big money to rebuild the team into the power house that they were in the 90s. the Braves are still a couple of starting pitchers and a few bats short of being able to win a world series, but there's enough young talent on the club that they could stay competetive for another decade. it sucks that Andruw is leaving, but it's gonna suck even more when Smoltz retires in the next few years. then i will really feel like this long and beautiful ride that started back in 1991 is over.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Free Mike Vick Bitch!


no need for any real comments from rational humans of the world. this video sums it up.

I Bet You Could Suck A Golf Ball Through A Garden Hose

so during the Chargers' loss to the Chiefs last sunday the crowd began chanting "Marty!" to show their displeasure with the teams slow start. well unfortunately for San Diego's fans their GM is a total douchebag and fired Marty and well, it'll probably be a cold day in hell (or they'd have to fire the GM and give Marty a dual position) before he'd come back. so my suggestion is to just hire the Drill Sgt. from Full Metal Jacket to turn this sinking ship around. he's gotta at least give better motivational speaches than ol' Norv does.


THE NFLs Week 4 (fucking Patriots)

-goddamn it. the Patriots piss me off more than any other football team i have ever watched. how the fuck are they so good? none of those guys are that great. it's like a team of b+ students all playing together at the same level every week and beating the pants off your much more talented team....well then there's Brady and Moss just sort of destroying you at will like Conan. Conan was so awesome. Why haven't they made a new Conan movie? I heard a rumor the Rock was supposed to be in a remake of Conan The Destroyer. or maybe it was Vin Diesel? who knows? who cares?
-Tony Romo is not Brett Favre...he is however better than nearly every other QB in the League this year not named Manning or Brady. i guess i will stop making fun of Jeff and Danna for drafting him in their fantasy league.
-speaking of QBs worth picking in your fantasy league, Daunte is back! and so too are the Raiders, maybe?!? 2-2 and mostly respectable in their losses. Lane Kiffin is the savior. i bet the Dolphins probably are wishing they'd just held onto him for another year....
-or at least held onto Joey Harrington who suddenly looks like an NFL QB playing under Bobby P. maybe we won't need to draft a QB with out number one pick after all next year.
-The Bears are totally drafting a QB next year. can you say Andre Woodson?
-who would have thought that the Chargers would be 1-3 after 4 weeks. i believe there is a word for that...it's called Karma, Bitch! talking shit all offseason and firing your head coach after a 14-2 season seems to really set you up for a motherfucking reality check come next season. i fully expect the Chargers to continue imploding and finish the season 7-9 not unlike the Falcons is previous years. Talent don't mean shit if you don't have some motherfucking character and a good coach.
-The Packers are going to the Super Bowl and winning it all, then Favre is riding off into the sunset as the greatest QB of all time.....or probably he's losing in the 2nd round to the Bucs at home, but whatever this will be a good ride for old Brett, it's too bad all the douchebag sportscasters who worship him will taint the whole thing with their weekly suckjobs.
-my fantasy football team is 4-0. bitch you better recognize greatness when you sees it.

Your Sweat Tears Fuel Me

oh youtube.com, where have you been all these years? capturing the misery of losing for millions to enjoy and mock for hours.

Monday, October 1, 2007

Crash And Burn! College Football Weekend in Review.

so many upsets so little time to enjoy them.

-that Florida/LSU game just got alot less sexy didn't it. oh Gameday crew how ever will you suck off Tebow when he's getting beaten down two weeks in a row.
-Auburn completely saved their season with that win in the swamp. The running game finally looked good and Brad Lester is coming back next week. unfortunately Quentin Groves went down with an injury, so the strength of the team just took a huge hit. i still think the Tigers can end up with 8 wins and most important of all i like their chances to take a 6th straight Iron Bowl from the Tide who just looked lost on offense for most of Saturday.
-Oklahoma is still good, they just fucked around with a Colorado team that had nothing to lose and muffed a punt that ended up costing them the game. i look for them to continue their path of destruction through the Big 12 starting with Texas next weekend...
-Texas proves that they really were just an average team the past 5 years or so that had football Jesus playing for them and making them seem awesome.
-Notre Dame really is never gonna win a game this season...or not at least til they play Navy. i don't give a shit how much money they are paying Charlie, he should be fired if they only win 3 or 4 games.
-Kentucky is gonna come crashing down to reality at any second. enjoy the top while you can Wildcat fans.
-Oregon and Cal was apparently the best game of the day...too bad my local ABC gave me Clemson and GA Tech instead. i love to hate on the Pac 10 but honestly Cal, Oregon, and USC are all teams who look like they could take anyone in the country. The Ducks are my pick to upset the Trojans this season.
-South Florida is winning the Big East in spite of their awful uniforms. seriously, can you imagine those things in the Orange Bowl on New Years??? well you better start imagining it bitches, cuz it's happening.
-Ohio State still owns the Big 10, but watch out for Michigan. Revenge is a dish best served cold and on the final game of the regular season when you have no chance at winning the national title but every chance of ruining your biggest rival's season.
-as usual i know nothing about college football and i am completely talking out of my ass.

a random baseball post

man, what a great weekend. Auburn knocks off the Gators, The Falcons finally win a game and look good doing it, my fantasy football team is about to be 4-0, and just to make it all that much sweeter the motherfucking Mets finish their month long choke job by losing the Eastern Division on the final day of the season. hahaha!!! unfortunately the Phillies are the ones benefiting from the Mets misery the most, which unnerves me, but they are the Phillies and I'm sure they'll get swept in the 1st round anyways.

Useless Week 5 Poll

A Lifetime Of Defeats Week 5 Top 25

1. LSU
2. USC
3. California
4. Ohio State
5. Wisconsin
6. Florida
7. Oklahoma
8. Boston College
9. South Florida
10. Kentucky
11. Georgia
12. South Carolina
13. Oregon
14. West Fucking Virginia
15. Hawaii
16. Virginia Tech
17. Texas
18. Clemson
19. Missouri
20. Rutgers
21. Kansas State
22. Purdue
23. Arizona State
24. Nebraska
25. Auburn

The Tigers are back in my top 25...at least until they play LSU. Bama is out. Texas should be out after the ass kicking they took from Kansas State. also see you later Penn State...ya'll got Zookered. oh wait that only happens to his own team. some sleepers that are knocking on the door include Illinois, Indiana, Cincinnati (i still don't believe in them until they beat one of the other top Big East schools), Miami, FSU, and those schizophrenic bastards UCLA (who are totally gonna beat USC again. i'm calling it.)


watch it. know it. love it. 2 years in a row. you can take it to the bank. all your fucking trophies don't mean shit to us. War Fucking Eagle! thanks to our three headed mascot we have become the Bravestarr of college football. Eyes of an Eagle, Speed of a Tiger, Strength of a Plainsman?!?!!? whatever bra, Football Jesus Jr can only do so much when he's getting pounded in the head by Pat Sims clubbed fist. the sweet tears of the Gator nation will keep me fueled with hope for at least another few weekends until the LSU Tigers drag our asses up and down the field down in Baton Rouge. goddamn college football, god it rules!